“There will literally be barely anything on the screen. He or she will be the size of a grape or something.”

“Actually, it’s a lime,” Justin answers as he lifts his shoulder to prop his iPhone against his ear to flip through some contract papers, secretly proud to know something his surrogate doesn't.

He could practically see Arianna roll her eyes at that, “You know, you’d think that I would understand the way the doctors count weeks but it's ridiculous that the first two weeks are before conception.”

“I’d figure you would know it was more than a grape, considering how uh…round-”

“Don't insult the woman who is carrying your kid as a favor, Taylor,” Arianna warns with a teasing tone, “But for real, your kid is aiming to become a big baby, I swear. Who would guess, looking at you?”

“Guess we’ll find out tomorrow. Finally, Jesus Christ,” Justin groans.

“9 weeks, or 11 whatever, is a perfectly respectable time to have a first ultrasound,” Arianna points out.

Justin is about to make a most likely pointless rebuttal, only to realize Lola is standing in the doorway to his office.

“Hey, Arianna. I will call you back later. And I’ll see you tomorrow,” Justin tells her, eyeing Lola suspiciously.

“Alright, see you in the morning.”

Justin ends the call and studies Lola carefully.

“Talking about produce?” Lola asks, before setting a Manila folder down on his desk.

“That's exactly what I was talking out,” he answers, before taking the folder to look through it, “These from Alfinez?”

“Yeah. And I can already tell he's going to be the type who fusses over the display and arrangement, drama queen. Good luck with him,” Lola sighs, before turning around.

“As long as he's bringing in collectors, then we can try to keep him happy,” Justin calls out.

“Need the money for the upcoming arrival?” Lola asks, turning around to put a hand on her hip.

Justin freezes, before shaking off Lola’s revelation, “What makes you say that?”

Lola lets out a laugh, “Come on, no one has a conversation about the size of fruit and mean just that. Especially someone who had a surrogacy agency pamphlet on his desk a few months ago. And before you get all indignant, it was in plain sight.”

Justin groans, “Who all have you told?”

“No one. Well, Max,” Lola shrugs, “But you know Max. He's not going to tell anyone. He literally couldn't give two shits about kids. It's probably why I like him so much.”

Justin perks up at that a little, “So you do like him? Is there actual progress now or is this still the slowest courtship ever?”

Lola glares at him, then sighs, “Could you throw a few hints his way? He's dense.”

“Lola, I threw hints at you for a damn year about his feelings for you,” Justin stresses.

“You were both being subtle,” Lola accuses, “I need to get back to work. See ya, Dad.”

--------------------------

Justin wakes up earlier than need be, even after sleeping on and off throughout the night. He’s too nervous to eat more than half a piece of toast, before getting dressed to jog off a little of the excess energy he has. It makes his heart hurt, just a little. Last time he had jogged had been not only a week before, but that had been with Malcolm, as had the several times before that.

It does the trick though, whether it be the burning of calories or the memories of recent, but ultimately fleeting moments. By the time he walks back to his apartment from the park, takes a shower, shaves, and makes sure he looks presentable, it's time to leave so that he can meet Arianna in Bed-Stuy at the OBGYN.

“About time you got here,” he winks as she steps into the waiting room, finding himself instinctively glancing at her belly as she approaches him.

Even though it had been in a teasing manner when he mentioned the size of her belly the night before, he hadn't been lying. It isn't huge by any means, but it's bigger than the books say it should be and it does make him wonder if his kid is going to be a 10 pounder like Molly had been, versus his mere 6 pounds he had been when he was born. Better big than too small but, as they wait to be called back, Arianna still has to put a hand on his bouncing leg to get him to snap out of thoughts regarding disorders and disfigurements and miscarriages, the things that you don't think about until it could potentially affect someone you haven't met, but already care about.

“Arianna Romano?”

Justin jumps up before Arianna does, then holds a hand out to help her up.

“I'm not that much of an invalid yet,” Arianna smirked, before standing up flawlessly.

After the PRN takes her weight and vitals, Justin turns around to let Arianna put on the paper gown.

“Why can't they just have you pull up your shirt?” He asks, genuinely confused, as she lies down on the examination table.

“Um,” Arianna chuckles, a blush rising to her cheeks, “They tend to take an alternate route when it comes to first trimester ultrasounds.”

“...Oh,” Justin winces, immediately walking over to stand at her head.

Before much else can be said, Dr. Tran opens the door, an ultrasound technician trailing close behind, to greet them.

“Hello, Ms. Romano,” she greets, as the tech starts to turn on the ultrasound machine, “First ultrasound with this one, yes? Are you excited?”

“Not as much as this one,” Arianna responds, nodding towards Justin, “I've been down this road before, with another surrogate and my own, you know that. This one is nervous as hell.”

“Oh, that's alright,” Doctor Tran smiles, “New fathers usually are, and you’re single on top of all that. That's commendable.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me,” Justin forces a smile.

After everything is prepped and Justin finds himself looking away at the sight of a stick making its way into his surrogate, but manages to push the mild embarrassment to the back of his mind when he hears a rapid thump thump thump thump.

The sound alone makes a lump form in his throat and he lets out a breath, then opens his eyes to look at the monitor.

And then, despite all the books and websites he's studied, he has to force himself to remember that he's not a doctor, because this? Whatever he's seeing...it has to be giving him the wrong idea. He's getting something mixed up and that would be understandable, since all the information was bound to blur together at some point. He’s never even been to an ultrasound so he doesn't know what they actually look like live-

“It looks like you're having twins,” Doctor Tran smiles, eyes lighting up.

He can't form a response to that, his mouth moving in silent gulps, but Arianna can.

“I had a feeling, but I didn't want scare you,” She sighs, “Although now I can officially blame you for ruining my body.”

“...This,” Justin chokes out, “This has to be a mistake.”

“...Nope!” Doctor Tran confirms, double checking, “Definitely monochromatic twins. Diamniotic, which is good. We will keep a close eye on them still.”

“But I used one egg to avoid multiples!” Justin stresses.

“Monochromatic means identical, Justin,” Arianna informs him, biting her lip as if she's holding back a laugh.

“Identical twins occur when a single egg splits, creating two same sex fetuses, often with the same or almost the same features-”

“I know how it happens,” Justin interrupts, fighting the urge to grip his hair and, to be honest, cry.

The room is silent for a moment and, fuck, Justin can tell that he's off to a rough start as a dad already. He is such a shit.

“Sorry. I'm sorry,” Justin mutters, before breathing in through his nose, “I didn't mean to react like that. I just…”

“Didn't expect it?” Doctor Tran guesses, “Don't worry. It's always interesting to tell single parents, parents in general really, that they are having multiples. I had one mother cry until she hyperventilated. Your reaction was actually quite mild in comparison. Ready to get their heart rates and some stats?”

Justin has to force himself to concentrate throughout the rest of the examination. Baby A has a heart rate of 162 while Baby B has one of 164. When Justin looks at the monitor closely enough, he can see the sources of the sound, fluttering away in black and white, settled right in the developing chests of his babies.

Babies. Babies.

After pictures get printed off and the next appointment is scheduled, one of many upcoming ones since there are two babies to keep track of now, he feels a surge of guilt go through him. He should have been more supportive to Arianna. She was sacrificing hopefully close to 9 months of her life in order to carry his twins and would have to face physical repercussions because of that and he’s only worrying about himself.

But, when he starts apologizing, she holds up a hand and smiles.

“I may be the one carrying them, but you’ll be the one loving them and raising them on your own, at least until you meet someone who is willing to take all three of you on.”

Justin isn't sure if he is supposed to feel better by that or not.

-------------------------------------------

He treats Arianna to a late breakfast, barely touching his small order, before riding the train back with her to her apartment. He comes in for a few minutes and can’t help but smile when her three year old son keeps bringing him his toys. After he leaves, he tries to go back home, to breathe and settle down, but he can’t. He feels antsy, anxious, a little elated deep down, but mostly terrified. Being alone makes it ten times worse. Probably because it reminds him of what he’s in for once he officially becomes a parent.

It’s nice when he goes outside. Warm for November, a perfect day to get his mind off of the stress he’s suddenly feeling just by getting fresh air, spending time doing things he likes to do, or going to places in the city he’s been wanting to see.

Instead, he just goes to the Bedford Bar.

Sitting down on a barstool, it doesn’t take long to get his friend’s attention, even with the lunchtime rush.

“Hey, what are you doing here? Figured you’d be at the gallery,” Liam comments, throwing a cloth over his shoulder as he automatically reaches down to get him a beer.

“I don’t need a beer,” Justin sighs, propping his chin on his hand.

Liam nods, “Right, right. I keep forgetting you’re not really drinking anymore. Although you won’t say why-”

“I need something stronger.”

Liam raises an eyebrow and looks suspicious, “What’s going on? Look, even though you were never an alcoholic to begin with, I’m not one to throw someone off the wagon if I know they are refraining from something-”

“I’m going to be a dad. A single dad,” Justin interrupts again. He’s not sure why he says it. Besides telling Brian a couple of days ago and Lola and Max figuring it out for themselves, he’s told no one. He planned on presenting the announcement to his friends and family in a more sentimental way.

Maybe it is because he’s pretty close to Liam, even if the man has been busy with Carmen and their newborn son. Maybe it’s because he’s fucking hot, in an adorable, sweet, truly decent human being type of way. Justin remembers telling his friend a few years ago that if Liam weren’t straight, he would try to make him his for good right then and there.

They had both been drunk. Liam had been heartbroken over a breakup and Justin had been trying to cheer him up. It hadn’t been a lie though. If Liam were gay? He would have tried like hell to get him to be with him.

Instead, Justin had happily introduced him to Carmen and became Milo’s godfather.

“Wha...How...Oh my god, that’s great, man!” Liam ends up exclaiming, reaching down to get a shot glass for each of them to pour some tequila into, “What is it, surrogacy? Adoption? You know Carmen and I will help with whatever we can-”

“I have a surrogate,” Justin tells him, holding back a shudder after swallowing the liquor, “And I really appreciate you offering to help. I’ll need it.”

Liam smiles kindly, “When Carmen found out she was pregnant and told me, I was scared shitless, even though I was happy. But now that he’s here? The crying and the diapers are nothing compared to the...fuck, the joy he makes me feel. I don’t care how sappy I sound. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“I’m having identical twins,” Justin tells him, almost morosely, but manages to maintain eye contact with his friend.

Liam’s smile stays on his face, but goes from being kind to forced. Bending down, he gets five shot glasses from underneath the bar and pours the tequila in all of them with one swift movement.

“Those are on the house,” Liam informs him, pick up the fifth shot for himself, “Mazel Tov.”

-----------------------------------

He doesn’t have too much of a hangover later that evening, so he does take Liam’s offer to walk back down for dinner. As expected, Liam does make hints at dinner about Justin becoming a dad, probably so he won’t have to keep a secret from Carmen. He isn’t really ready to spread the news around but Liam had given him free tequila and didn’t tell his soon to be wife himself, so Justin goes ahead and announces it, all while his heart hammers his chest before rising up to get lodged in his throat.

“Oh!” Carmen coos, “So Milo will have two friends to play with. Justin, this is fantastic! And, just in case you want to get even more practice in before you have two of your own, you are more than welcome to come watch Milo whenever you want.”

“Yeah...Despite your true motives in asking, I may take you up on that,” Justin has to chuckle.

As if on cue, a wail is heard from the other room, causing Liam to stand up and put his fork down.

“I’ll get him-” the man starts to say before he is shushed.

“Let Justin get him. He should get used to this,” Carmen orders, glancing over at Justin to gauge his reaction.

Justin hesitates for a moment. He doesn’t understand why. He’s babysat Milo a few times already, taken care of the baby’s tears, dirty diapers, and feedings before. It just feels different now. He feels different. Shell-shocked.

But, as Liam and Carmen wait for his reaction, he knows he needs to get the fuck over it.

“Be right back,” Justin ends up saying, as he stands up from his seat and heads to the nursery.

When he goes inside, he sees Milo in his crib, kicking his onesie covered feet and fussing underneath the soft blue and purple projector lights.

“Hey,” Justin comforts softly, “Shhhh...what’s got you all worked up, sweetheart?”

Justin picks the two month old baby up gently, one hand propping his head and the other beneath his bottom as he brings him forward to let him rest his chin on Justin’s shoulder. Justin can’t help but smile when he feels Milo fist at his sweater, and it makes him look forward to when he can pick up his own, to have that moment with his flesh and blood. To have that connection.

Which would probably be broken once the other baby cried and he would have to figure out a way to pick them up as well. And then he would probably drop one and he’d be known as the failure of a father who gave at least one of his babies a concussion.

When it’s determined that all Milo seems to have wanted was to be held, he takes him to the kitchen so that Carmen can breastfeed him, something he has been over thinking when it came to his own kid...kids. Whatever. He has been thinking about paying Arianna to pump and save the milk. It’s supposed to be better for them, right? And they might need that extra boost, especially if they are a little premature like many twins tend to be.

“Why are you looking at my fiancé’s tits?” Liam mutters to him, looking slightly amused.

Justin shakes himself out of his thoughts, “I’m a boob man, Liam. You know that.”

Liam bites back a laugh and nods, “Sorry. Don’t know how I ever forgot.”

He leaves Liam’s around 9, going downstairs and leaving through the bar, which is picking up in business again. The walk’s short, only five minutes max, but in that time he gets two text messages. One is from a guy he had hooked up with a few times before he and Malcolm became a regular thing, telling Justin he’s bored and asking him if he wants to hook up tonight. The other is from Eric, telling him he would be in Williamsburg on a project tomorrow and asking if he wants to meet for lunch. He knows he’s not in a place to focus on other people, since he’s so distracted by the monumental thing he learned today, but he could also use these type of distractions to distract himself from what’s making him so distracted in the first place.

If that makes sense.

He says yes to both.

He wakes up the next morning to crinkled sheets but an empty bed, which he had made sure of the night before after his second round with Ronan, then gets up and ready to go over to the gallery, opting to paint up in his studio on the fourth floor before coming down check on Lola and Max, helping them until Eric is walking in at noon.

“Hey,” Eric greets, giving him a pat on the shoulder, saying hi to Max and Lola soon after, before turning back to Justin, “I’m starving. What’s a good place around here?”

They sit down at a Moroccan restaurant on Wythe Avenue, opting for a small, round table by one of the large windows. Despite seeing each other only three days before, they spend the time catching up, especially since their conversation at the party had been limited. Most of the conversation ends up revolving around Lily and Brian, as well as Hunter and Molly since Eric still seems impressed with Hunter’s efforts at Emmett’s.

“Do they know what neighborhood they want to move to yet?” Eric asks, taking a sip of water, “I know it’s only been a few days, but I didn’t know if Hunter’s new show was filming in a specific area or not.”

Justin shrugs, “Molly mentioned that it was sort of all over, but mostly in Chelsea, Midtown, Chinatown, Jersey, and Coney Island, I think? But Hunter texted me, asking about rent prices and how safe a few different neighborhoods are in Brooklyn, Upper Manhattan, and the Bronx. I think he’s going by places with lines running close to NYU and Columbia, since those are the schools Molly is applying to But I could give them a better deal than where they would find in most other places.”

Eric raises a brow, “Really? You have real estate connections around here?”

“A couple, acquaintances of my mom’s actually, but the owner of my building is doing some was looking into doing renovations, then wants to sell. He came to me first since I just rented the top floor to use as a studio, even though I don’t have it set up yet, and I’m thinking of switching to the apartment beneath it since it has a lot more space and will be ready in two months. I’m pretty sure that since I’m paying multiple rents, it’s why he offered to sell the whole place to me. I was thinking that if they wanted it, Hunter and Molly could take the apartment I have now and not worry so much about a rent that would be a lot higher elsewhere. I actually mentioned what was going on to them on Monday. Hunter seems more for it than Molly is, which is funny because Molly is the cheap one. I really don't think it is about the lower rent for Hunter. He can afford a decent place without my help. It's more about Molly. He works long days and he wants her to be around people she knows. Her pride is getting in the way though. Typical.”

“She comes off as pretty proud,” Eric agrees.

“She is. I also think she doesn’t want me all up in her business.”

Eric lets out a laugh at that, “My sister would probably feel the same way.”

The conversation moves along without any type of hesitance or awkward silences. Justin talks about a couple of showings his gallery is going to have, along with one he has for his own work out in Los Angeles in December. Eric informs him of a couple of big accounts Brian landed for Kinnetik.

“I think he’s trying to work himself to death before becoming a stay-at-home dad once the baby’s born,” Eric smirks.

“That…” Justin starts, then thinks on it, “Yeah, that actually really sounds like him. To be honest, I’m shocked that he is willing to stay home for as long as he is agreeing to do it.”

“I did it for a year with Lily. Did some consulting work from home to keep myself from going stir-crazy. He’s only doing it for six months and will probably be in his home office a lot as well. He should survive. Hopefully.”

“I think he’ll do well,” Justin tells him, “He’s such a great dad. He adores Gus and Lily. He’ll feel the same about your new baby too.”

Eric smiles at that, sweetly and genuinely so, “Yeah, he’s amazing with them.”

A moment of silence passes, but it’s a comfortable one. Then Eric clears his throat.

“So, even though I would have reached out to meet with you regardless since I’m in your area, I did want to run something by you to see if you’re up for it.”

Justin gestures to him, wiping his mouth with the cloth napkin before putting it on his plate.

“Our daughter should be here by the end of January, so it’s probably super short notice. If she comes before you can get around to it, should you say yes, that’s completely fine. We have spare rooms and a bassinet that we’re putting in our room. But I wanted to see if you would paint a mural for the nursery. I saw you were tagged in a picture your friend posted, I guess with his son? It was beautiful. I would pay you, of course, and if you can’t do it, that’s fine. I understand that you’re busy. But I just wanted to ask.”

Justin thinks on it for a moment. He is pretty busy, even though he’s purposely made sure his agent didn’t have him traveling past February. And he still is set on making a mural in his own nursery, once he figures out if he’s taking the bigger place upstairs or not. But, due to the way Eric is looking at him with big, hopeful eyes, and the fact that Justin knows he may not have taken the initiative to go and become a single parent if it weren’t for Brian giving him a pamphlet from the place he and Eric planned this baby with, he finds himself nodding his head.

“I can’t promise it will be done by the end of January, but I’ll try my best,” Justin tells him, “What theme are you wanting?”

Eric grins at his answer, “I was thinking of a peaceful, storybook forest theme. Something that adds light and has soft tones but is intricate and has a few characters here and there. And that sounds like I am asking for a lot. So take your time with it, really. I’ll pay whatever you want.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Justin rolls his eyes.

Eric narrows his eyes, “You need to stop offering your talents for free so much.”

“You sound like Brian.”

Eric lets out a put upon sigh, “I have to pay you something. I’m asking for a lot.”

Justin thinks on it, “You can pay for the supplies. Happy?”

“I’ll pay for that. And your time. I guess I’ll come up with the rate myself,” Eric shrugs, “You’ll be doing a lot for me. You’ll give the room character and a sense of tranquility. I’ve added some things but it just isn’t cutting it. The only thing I really like are the framed photos of the sonograms throughout the pregnancy hanging on the wall. I want those to make her realize that we’ve loved her from the beginning.”

And, he doesn’t know why that sentence makes his lip quiver the way it does, or why it makes his heart twinge, but it does.

Eric’s expression becomes concerned, “Hey, are you okay?”

Justin lets out a cough and lets himself smile a little, “Yeah...Yeah, I’m good. What you said just sounds really nice.”

After he and Eric part ways, Justin runs a few errands and finds himself walking into a baby boutique where, for the first time since finding out the day before, he tells someone he’s expecting twins without hesitation. When he gets home, he puts two identical newborn outfits away in the closet, then gets a photo of the sonogram, puts it into the first slot of a collage frame, and hangs it on the wall of the spare room.

He may have to hang it upstairs once he moves, but it looks good here for now. It makes this all feel more real but, instead of the reality causing him to feel a weight in his chest, all he feels is love.

And he wants to make sure his kids know that.