Contrary to the former popular belief, Brian Kinney was able to find love. Yes, he found it with Justin. But he had also found it with Eric. He remembers Mikey and Ted seeming to wait for him to crash after he broke up with Justin for good. They had expected him to return to his wicked ways and make flyers for Orgy Loft Night featuring your favorite ingestible letters of the alphabet. But that (surprisingly, he might give them that) hadn’t happened. The first month he did use fucking as a coping mechanism, yes, but they were mostly call boys that looked like Justin and probably pitied him when they let him hold them. He knows how fucking pathetic he had been.  But, as much as he still wanted Justin, he actually wanted to move on as well.

It hurt that most of his friends couldn’t see that he had changed, but it was a stab to the heart that Justin couldn’t see what he wanted until he drove the point home and basically got an, “I’m not interested right now” in return. But his previous methods weren’t working this time around. He briefly wondered if he should see a therapist but he had too much pride for that, so no thanks. Plus, people broke up all the time. The only difference with this time around with Justin is that he knew deep down it was for good. So that was when he, Brian Kinney, would do what the average heartbroken person did as a lonely single thirty-something who wanted more out of life than a quick fuck. Rebound. He asked a few guys from Babylon out, but they kept asking him when they were going back to the loft to fuck and that they appreciated being taken out to a four star Italian restaurant but carbs wouldn’t do a thing for their figure. Brian knew he would have to try something else.

He doesn’t know how his friends did not find out about him going to a gay singles mixer. God that had been so fucking embarrassing. He felt like he morphed into Ted Schmidt as soon as he walked into the room. Then he pushed himself and cruised the ones who were good looking yet approachable. He knew he had fucked the majority of them already. He saw them look into his direction and whisper to each other. He just had to avoid the ones who did that then and that was good because it made him focus on more viable options. He tried making small talk with a few people but eventually someone would bring up something along the lines of, “So is this your first time cruising for a fuck in a place like this?” There had been one man. He even remembered his name Evan…something. He remembered his first name. But they had a good conversation. He found him to be passionate and interesting. Evan was a doctor who worked at Allegheny General. He took his job several months earlier after he finished his time with Doctors without Borders. Brian remembered being engrossed In Evan’s history and his passion for his career. He also was a good looking man. So Brian did something he hadn’t done in, well…ever: Asked someone out on a date. Without knowing how good they were in bed first. He worked up the courage and asked if Evan would like to have dinner with him that coming Friday. Evan looked uneasy and Brian had gotten this response:

“Brian, you are an interesting guy and seem very nice. You actually seem pretty perfect. I appreciate you asking. However, the stories I’ve heard about you since I have moved here, while impressive, aren’t what I am looking for in a partner. I am sorry. Oh, what do you know? My friend is right over there! It was nice talking to you.”

So after that embarrassing night, Brian Kinney became convinced that he wouldn’t find anyone. Ever. For the first time in his life he wished that he had been more discreet about his stud status. Queening out ever so slightly by figuring there was no point in trying anymore, Brian threw himself into his work like he had never before and started being a regular at Babylon again. He hadn’t gone back on drugs though and only kept weed and alcohol in the mix. He doesn’t know why he didn’t start taking them again after he kicked Justin out of his life but for some reason he didn’t want to keep them around anymore. He sent Justin to work on being the biggest success he could be and he wanted to do the same.

He signed more accounts within two months than he had in the past six months (and the number within those six months was admirable.) The money Kinnetik was making was absolutely incredible. He gave all of his junior ad executives and Ted a nice raise and gave Cynthia a promotion to become an ad executive as well. He knows he should have done it before, but she was his favorite (and most well-paid) assistant he ever had and he knew no one would live up to her. He himself also had a lot of money on his hands, especially with the money he saved up for an apartment and a New York branch not being spent. Ted, who didn’t even know he kept every cent of his New York savings, suggested he treat himself to a vacation since he had been working non-stop but he didn’t want time on his hands to think about a certain someone right now. Ted got the hint and suggested another car or club. He didn’t need another car or a fucking dance club right now. When had Ted become the shallow one? So, he created a $30,000 scholarship for college students in need who were not receiving any financial assistance from their parents. He also made a few traveling grants that let a deserving art student in Pennsylvania and each of its bordering states go to Europe for a summer to study their craft. But considering the money Brian had, he wanted to do something more substantial. It wasn’t until he heard about Corey Price, who lived in a small town in West Virginia about 45 minutes outside of Pittsburgh.

He usually didn’t feel much but a slight twinge of sadness for a gay kid who got the short end of the stick (with the exception of one certain teenager. He still feels enraged over what happened to him.) But for some reason Corey Price’s death had struck home. Not being the most conspicuous of gay teens, Corey put shame on his mother and enraged his new step-father, who was the coach of the football team. Corey must have been a brave and stupid little shit, coming out at the age of 15 to everyone. He stood up for a couple of the gay and lesbian seniors at his high school and demanded respect. Everyone in their town knew. The kid got harassed non-stop. One day he came home after studying at a friend’s house and there was Coach Burless and six of his finest players there in the garage waiting for him. He tried to run but was caught quickly. His step-father wanted to “teach him a lesson.” That lesson included over fifty kicks to his stomach and head. He died on the concrete floor due to blunt force trauma and internal bleeding.

The students were all under eighteen and more or less just got a slap on the wrist with small juvie and community service sentences. His step-father only got eight years in prison, eligible for parole in three, since he never actually kicked his step-son, only let it happen. Brian remembers reading about it and feeling absolutely disgusted by the story. He wished that Corey could have gotten away from his family and that life. He knew what it was like having hateful parents and they hadn’t even known he was gay until he was an adult. All of the sudden, he wanted these teens to have a place to go in case things got too rough. He wanted them to have every chance at life and to be encouraged by someone who cared about whether they lived or died. So he got to work. He planned out what he would have at this place that abused, runaway, or just lonely teens of the LGBTQ community to turn to. They would even welcome straight teenagers, because although aimed at the struggles of being gay, he knew that abusive bastard parents and extreme bullying existed in every community. He wanted this center to be huge and give opportunities that Pittsburgh may not have much of yet. He started contacting the people he needed to contact, got permissions and grants from the city, the Department of Child Welfare, the Department of Education, PIFA, Pittsburgh Institute of Technology. He contacted various college professors, retired teachers, nurses, counselors, cooks, artists and musicians interested in giving lessons, basically anyone that might be interested in committing some time once this place was up and running.

Of course it needed to be built. He wanted it to be beautiful and welcoming. He wanted a desirable place for people to turn their heads at. Brian knew he needed to find the best person for the job who could see the full potential of what this center could become. So he did his research and came across Eric Davisson. From what he could tell, Eric was five years younger than he was yet he had already taken home the Pritzker Prize as well as collecting a number of other awards. He was incredibly attractive, in a sweet and cute sort of way. From a few of the interviews he could find, the guy seemed open-minded and approachable, but there was no denying his talent and genius. Adding all of that up, plus the fact that he made Brian’s gaydar ping a little, he knew he had to have him for this project. So he wrote him an email with his plan and who had committed to it. They talked on the phone and negotiated, then Eric said he would come in that coming Monday to meet him at Kinnetik. Brian arranged for a car to pick him up, paid for a ticket, and paid for his sublet.

The first time he met Eric was memorable. And not for the old reason of “little did he know, he would be meeting the father of his child.” Sure, he supposes that was part of it, looking back. But it was when Cynthia let herself in, confused and strangely amused, then exclaimed, “Brian! My first boyfriend is here to see you. You finally get to meet the man I gave a hand job underneath the gym bleachers.” After getting a little surprised over the possibility that she might be talking about the architect he was meeting today, Brian made some quip along the lines of, “If he is your ex, then you must not have been very good. Cynthia, I’m shocked.” He followed her out into the lobby and met Eric face to face.

From then on they worked side by side at a constant rate. He found his confidence and knowledge in what he was doing inspiring and he just liked being around Eric in general. Within a few days, he did subtly get out of him the affirmative statement, “Yes, Brian, I am gay. Cynthia was the beginning of my relatively long string of denial.” And Brian felt relief at that. He wondered why at first, but assumed that it was due to him just having more gay friends by a large margin. He hadn’t had a real conversation or relationship with a straight man outside of business and Carl in years. Over the next couple of weeks, he started to tell Eric more and more about his friends and family, his past, even what he wanted to be when he was six years old. He even told him a little bit about breaking up with Justin for the last time when they had a little bit too much to drink one night several hours after everyone went home. In turn, he heard about Eric’s life, his asshole parents, that he would like a family one day, and that his first boyfriend cheated on him with a married woman. Brian tried not to laugh at that but it was a hard feat. He is sure it was upsetting at the time.

It took another week to realize that he wasn’t over Justin, but he was also feeling something significant for Eric. He found the best part of his day to be when they were working and talking together. He felt butterflies when they went out to eat after hours of planning and getting together a construction team. He knew it was two colleagues, maybe friends, that were just taking a break together, but he found himself wanting it to be more than that since Eric was starting to sneak into the last thoughts he had before he fell asleep each night when usually he only thought of Justin. He didn’t know how to go about it though. He didn’t know if Eric was the type of man who would only want to fuck around for a while since his career made him sort of a drifter or if he wanted monogamy or if he was interested in someone else in another city. He felt like he needed to know more because all he knew was that Eric didn’t have a partner in his life at the moment.

They had been working late again. They actually had a slight argument earlier that night about how utterly controlling and picky Brian was and that he was a total perfectionist. It might have been Brian’s imagination, but Eric looked almost fond when he spoke of those qualities. He ended up apologizing for putting stress on Eric’s design and Eric looked pensive, then looked at him.

“Brian, what you were doing wasn’t a bad thing. I got defensive and I was tired. I know why you are wanting to spend extra time on the design.”

“Because I am controlling, picky, and a total perfectionist?”

“Yeah, sort of. But it is more than that. You want this to work, and not for yourself. You want to give these kids a chance to prosper, to meet other kids and adults like themselves, and to know that people care about them, in a way that our parents didn’t care for us. You want them to open up their eyes in wonder every time they walk in and hope they will know that they can be someone beautiful. That they can be big fucking successes AND be gay, yet there will still be people who love them for it unconditionally. So yeah, you are going to be controlling, picky, and a total perfectionist. But you are more than that. You told me once that you were considered the heartless stud of Pittsburgh. I have even heard it in passing on my maybe two nights out since coming here. But I have yet to see that side of you. I met a man who cares about his city, despite it being Pittsburgh. A man who loves his son and gets a huge grin on his face when he talks to him on the phone or talks about him. A man who is putting a lot of money, time, and effort into something that he hopes gives some people a little bit of happiness. The man I met is a man whom I consider to be one of the most honest, giving, and passionate men I have ever met.”

Brian remembered feeling a little overwhelmed because he felt like someone had finally listened to him and hadn’t immediately assumed the worst. Someone who wasn’t using the word “asshole” or “prick” or “heartless bastard” to describe him. Before he knew it, he found himself doing something that he hadn’t done with anyone besides Justin in years. He was kissing Eric, with every bit of tenderness and passion he was feeling and Eric was kissing him right back with just as much fervor. Before he knew it, they were taking off each other’s clothes. Brian ended up having what was the closest he had come to making love since he had been with Justin. He found himself smiling at Eric as they lay there on the floor afterwards. Then, he gathered the courage to ask the one thing he thought about asking for about a week now.

“So…you want to go out to dinner and a movie on Friday? I am a proper gentleman and I want to take this slow.”

He remembers Eric laughing and looking at him, his eyes bright with amusement.

“Only if you fuck me into the floor again. And pay.”

They didn’t move all that slowly. They were having sleepovers a few times a week and spending at least five evenings a week together working and taking very productive breaks after most of the employees of Kinnetik went home for the night. Sometimes Eric would come by during office hours as well. So after a few weeks, he knew he probably should tell at least a couple of people who regularly saw him and Eric together that they were seeing each other. He let Cynthia know first. He didn’t want her to walk into his office with her high school boyfriend bent over his desk without any kind of warning. So he sat her down.

“Cynthia, I have something to tell you.”

“Yeah, Brian?”

“I-…I don’t exactly know how to say this.”

“Are you fucking Eric?”

“…Yes, but-“

“But it is more than that. It isn’t that shocking. You have been spending most of your time together and ignoring your friends’ calls most of the time as well. I’ve seen how you have been looking at him. It reminds me of-never mind. I am happy for both of you. And surprised you waited almost a month before doing anything with him. That is like eight months in gay time. Gay male time that is. I’m not close with any lesbians, so I wouldn’t know about them. I should broaden my horizons.”

She gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked back to her desk, with the sassy clack of her heels sounding against the floor.

Besides Cynthia, Ted was the only other person he told that day. Ted didn’t have psychic premonitions over his love life like Cynthia revealed she had, so he was forced to talk about his feelings.

“Brian? You wanted to see me?”

“Sit down, Theodore.”

…

“I’m sitting, Brian.”

“Right.”

“Brian, is everything alright?”

“Yes. Things are fine.”

“Okay. I am just concerned. Ever since-never mind-you have worked yourself so hard and I know Michael is your best friend but I feel like we have become very close since working together. You are one of my dearest friends and I just want you to be happy.”

“Theodore, I am the one who brought you in to talk.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“…You are one of my closest friends too.”

“Well, I appreciate that a lot, even though it looks like you are going to burst a vessel.”

“Ted! Are you listening?”

“I’m listening.”

“Good. Because you are the only one I am telling about this, besides Cynthia. And I am only saying it once. If you tell anyone at all before I am ready for it to be known, I will rip out your intestines and shove you off a balcony.”

“Oooh, this must be juicy.”

“Theodore, please give me your word. I am only telling you because it might slip in the office since he will be here a lot anyway.”

“He? Brian-“

“Eric and I have been seeing each other. I…feel something for him.”

…

“Why do you look so shocked?”

“What about Justin?”

“What do you mean, what about Justin?”

“I thought you might, I don’t know, patch things up.”

“We weren’t eye to eye on a lot of things.”

“I haven’t really talked to him at all since he left. I know he wanted monogamy and marriage before and you were never-“

“You’re wrong. It turned out he was the one that didn’t want to take that step, Ted.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“But he said yes to marrying you before and if he knew you still-“

“Ted! I don’t want to talk about him.”

“I’m sorry, Brian.”

“Whatever.”

….

“Eric is a great guy. I can tell you both really like each other.”

“Yeah. I like him a lot.”

“Hey, that’s good! I’m happy for you. I promise I won’t say anything, Brian. And if any of the gang gives you any shit, I’ll side with you, so don’t worry about that.”

“…Thanks, Theodore.”

It took him a total of three months of being with Eric to introduce him to his makeshift family. Eric had signed a year lease on an apartment about six weeks before. He was extending his stay in Pittsburgh to see the completion of the center and, Brian would like to think, because they had started something. The gang, surprisingly, didn’t find out about his relationship until he told them at dinner while Mel and Lindsay were in to visit with the kids. He introduced him professionally as “the great architect he enlisted to help him with The Gay and Lesbian Youth Center” during dinner and didn’t introduce Eric as his boyfriend until Gus went into the other room to play with JR. Gus was still missing Justin and he didn’t want to upset him by being with someone else. He remembers the silence at the table and all their faces filled with blank shock when he had exaggeratedly cleared his throat and announced,

“If I can have everyone’s attention, please. While it is true that Eric and I have been working together on the center and overseeing the construction of it together, we have also been seeing each other for about three months now. Before you all get outraged that I kept my personal business personal, I wanted to wait until I felt a little more secure about it. So…I would like everyone to meet Eric….my boyfriend.”

When no one said a word and Brian saw Ted mouthing and gesturing some shit that was probably supposed to be comforting, Emmett started to clap and squeal then grabbed Eric’s hand.

“Oh, Eric! It is so nice to meet you! Your hands feel so nice, what kind of lotion do you use? Sweetie, you just know that any lover of Brian’s is a-Brian stop looking at me like that, I am just trying to be friendly!”

Then the exclamations and remarks came.

“Why would you try to keep him hidden away, you little asshole? Look at him! He’s gorgeous!”

“Brian, why wouldn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend! Ted, why don’t you look surprised by this news? What do you mean you have known about it for almost two months?”

“Michael, calm down. I am absolutely sure Brian had very logical reasons for keeping this to mostly to himself for a while. Eric, sometime we should discuss how architecture has changed over the course of the centuries and how modern buildings reflect the visions of our ancestors from long ago. What do you think about the architectural designs in Tibet?”

“Good luck with Kinney, Eric. He is definitely a piece of work to say the least.”

“Why, Brian! This is quite a piece of news to throw on all of us! And so soon after Justin.”

This went on and on until Brian finally cleared his throat and glared at all of them. They all reverted back into their silence.

“Would you all please just shut up?”

He turned his head to Eric, gave a small smile, and held his hand. He turned back at his family.

“I know you are all surprised. I get that you don’t see me as the type of man who is meant to be tied down to someone or even the type of man who someone would even think about being with long-term.”

“Brian, we never meant-“

“Come on, Brian, you know-“

“We are just surprised, Bri-“

Brian holds up his hand to silence them again.

“You all know I wasn’t at my happiest for a while. I know you were concerned, and I appreciate that. So you should also know that Eric here has made my life a lot easier since then. He makes me happy too.

Everyone at the table was staring at him in shock, yet again. Finally, they gave him their approval.

“Oh honey, you know I would never disapprove of your new cute beau!”

“Brian, I am so glad you are happy, you little shit.”

“I was just surprised about it, Brian. I have just been worried about you for a while. I want you to be happy. You are my best friend.”

“We would love to have you both over, Brian.”

“Good for you, Kinney.”

“Brian, don’t get me wrong, I am happy if you are, but you are sort of a bit,” Lindsay let out a huff of laughter, “wild, don’t you think? You have always been the type to refuse to be saddled and ridden.”

Eric looked at Lindsey and tilted his head.

“Who says I’m saddling him? We aren’t into pony play.”

Brian looked at him with a big grin on his face and made the decision to knock all of their socks off.

“And he does not only ride me. We take turns.”

He stood Eric up and kissed him (he added some extra tongue for effect) and then turned to his friends, who all were failing to pick their jaws up off the floor.

“Well everyone, we must be off. Got to get JR a birthday present for Sunday and Lindsey, I want to take Gus out tomorrow. Explain things and make sure he is okay with Eric. Later.”

Despite his feelings for Eric only getting stronger as time passed, it was hard for the first year or so. By the time their one year anniversary came along, the center was completed and Brian got all weird and distant when he thought Eric might want to leave. But then Eric sat him down and said that he wanted to move his office here. He fell in love with Pittsburgh and fell in love with Brian. The commitment and consideration put into the move relieved, flattered, and scared Brian. It was new for him that someone was willing pack up their lives to be with him, of all people. He felt conflicted about it all. Also, being with someone other than Justin sometimes got to him when the blonde popped up in his head during his dreams or when he saw a painting that looked similar to his style. He sometimes would backtrack and get weird about being just with one man.

Despite wanting to try monogamy, he found it a bit hard in that first year as well. Once in a while, they got with another couple or brought a trick home together, but he knew Eric, who enjoyed it enough, wasn’t as into it as he was. Whenever he got into one of his dark moods or something bad happened, he always felt tempted. He remembered how much that had fucking scared him because he never wanted to make a promise he didn’t end up keeping. When he and Eric had been together for about a year, he did actually slip up. His mother ended up in the hospital due to a heart attack, they didn’t know if she was going to make it at the time, and his family felt comfortable asking him for money but also felt comfortable with fighting him for a house he didn’t want nor was up for grabs yet and insulted him due to who he was at the same time. It wasn’t anything they hadn’t said before. But he had kept himself separated from his family ever since his bout with cancer and he forgot how much they could fuck with head.

So one night, he got extremely drunk and brought some nameless trick back home from Babylon. He was so out of it that he passed out and the guy stayed over. He would have confessed to Eric anyway, but he had walked up to the loft and found the guy pulling his pants on. It would have been better if Eric would have screamed at him or even took a swing at him. He remembers how he felt when he found out about the fiddler and he knows that if Eric feels anything close to what he felt for Justin then he probably feels gutted. Instead, he stands there looking at the ground as the trick leaves. Neither of them had said a word. Finally, Brian had finally broke the silence.

“Eric, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Why did you do it, Brian? I-I thought things were good. Did I…did I do something?” Eric’s voice broke while a tear fell down his face that he quickly wiped away to hide the evidence. He cleared his throat, “I just don’t get what happened.”

“I don’t know what happened. I fucked up.”

“No, you fucked another guy, Brian!”

“I know that and I said I’m sorry.”

Eric took deep breaths to gain control, then spoke.

“Brian, I have been cheated on before. Usually I would just leave them or we would just decide to be fuck buddies instead. But I never cared for any man the way I care about you. Yet again, that makes this hurt ten times more than any of their slip ups. But I want to try to work this out with you.”

“You can’t. I’m so fucked up.”

Eric came over and put his hand on his arm.

“Come here. Sit down with me. What’s going on?”

“Why the fuck are you being so understanding?”

“Because I love you. So much. You seem upset and I think you may have done this because something happened?”

Brian took a deep breath in and then out. “I don’t talk about this shit.”

“Just try.”

Eric pulled him in and Brian put his head on his shoulder as they sat there together.

“My mother had a heart attack. She needs bypass surgery but they think her heart is too weak.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I haven’t seen her since I had cancer. That was when she told me that God gave me cancer because I’m a fag.”

“What a bitch.”

Brian snorted, “Yeah that’s my mom. They just said some things that implied that I was the scum of the earth. They wanted money for the surgery. I wrote her a check but then Claire started getting on me about Mom not wanting a fag living in her house if she dies and that I better not fight her on it. As if I would want to live there. My mom saw that I was there and I tried to be nice to her, so I just told her hello and she said to me, ‘Unless you have stopped turning your back on God, I want you out of my sight. I don’t need the added grief.’ So I left the hospital, went to Babylon, drank and took some E, then took that guy home. There was no talking or kissing or even exchanging names. Just fucking. And I’m sorry. I am so sorry if I hurt you. I hurt people that I love, that’s what I do.”

Brian was so distressed at this point that he didn’t realize what he had said in his last sentence.

“I thought you were all about no apologies, no regrets.”

“Well, I am changing my mind due to my previous actions.”

“That’s something.”

They sat there in silence for another minute before Eric spoke again.

“Is that what you want? An open relationship? Are you wanting to hook up with other couples more or bring tricks home or have more threesomes? I just need to know, Brian. I can try to do that if that is something you feel that you want instead.”

“I don’t know. I want something more than tricks. Eventually I want…”

“What Justin wasn’t able to give you yet?”

Brian shrugged.

“You know I want something like that as well, Brian. That’s why I moved here, to try to be with you.”

“I know. But I don’t want you to-“

“Brian, shut up. I’m not regretting anything. I had only been in Boston finishing up a job when you contacted me. Yeah, a lot of tech companies are wanting their headquarters built in Palo Alto so I was technically living out there, but my colleagues I worked with are still out there and I put my name on enough places for people to reach out if they really wanted to. You did and I had never even built anything in Pennsylvania.”

Brian didn’t know what else to say to that so he sat there in Eric’s arms and waited for him to speak again.

“I just want to know if you are willing to work this out too. Don’t you know how much I care for you?”

Brian nodded, let out a shuddery sigh, and said, “I just need to work on some things. On me.”

“Okay, what do you want to do?”

‘Want to do’ wasn’t exactly the right phrase. He didn’t want to do it at all.

“I think I should, I don’t know…see someone. Like a therapist.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I saw a therapist a year or so after I graduated college. I told you it took me a while to admit I was gay. It actually really helped me open up more. Don’t feel embarrassed about it, Brian.”

It was at that point that Brian swallowed his pride and worked out his issues. Not only his issues with entering a monogamous relationship so quickly but also his issues he had after Justin. He went to see his therapist once and sometimes even twice a week for about eight months. Eric was very supportive throughout the whole thing and went to almost half the sessions so he could understand where Brian was coming from. Surprisingly, it had helped a lot. He came up with better coping mechanisms when he was distressed. He learned to be more open and assertive with what he was feeling to Eric and his friends. He learned to be more adamant when it came to dealing with Lindsey and Melanie. He wanted to see his son more and he wanted his son to know his partner better.

He also learned that he would always love Justin. That what they had shared was special and intense. But he didn’t have to let the fact that the relationship fell apart keep him from not moving forward and forming just as a meaningful relationship with someone else. He thought about contacting Justin a few times, to see how he was doing or at least get some closure. But he didn’t want to tempt himself with anything if Justin wanted to meet again. He didn’t want to get upset if he found out that Justin had found someone else because that would be downright hypocritical of him. He realizes that he may have acted too harshly when it came to how he treated Justin when he kicked him out. He feels badly about it now. He knows that Justin is young and wanted to experience life a little more. Maybe if he ran into him by chance in Pittsburgh he could get some closure. He just couldn’t initiate it.

Time passed and Brian realized that he and Eric had been together for two years. Things were going really well. Brian had signed a lot of companies in Chicago so they were thinking about expanding there in about a year or so. Eric got work everywhere but made sure to come home on the weekends when he did get work farther away, work from home when possible, and made sure not to get quite as involved as he did with the preparations of the center. His friends had come to accept that Brian had changed and, while he would never be a stepford husband, he was only sleeping with one man now. Justin was never completely out of his mind. Deep down he knew his love for that kid would never come close to fading, but he learned to love two people with the same amount of intensity. It might have been harder if Justin was around, but he hadn’t seen or spoken with him for almost three years. He didn’t like to focus on that time gap. It got him depressed. So he focused on Eric, his son, his friends, and on Kinnetik and the center (which was doing quite well and getting a lot of kids on the right track.)

Brian was the one who actually brought up having kids. He had become neutral to the idea of raising a child. Brian had Gus, and he was enough. But Eric didn’t have any biological children. He didn’t want Eric holding back any kind of urge to want to care for a child. So he asked Eric what he thought about it over dinner.

“Eric?”

“Yes, Brian?”

“I just wanted you to know that if there is something you want, all you have to do is tell me.”

“What else would I want? I am actually very happy right now.”

“I know, but if you felt something was, I don’t know, missing from what you have.”

“Just say it, Brian.”

“Fine. Are you wanting kids?”

There was silence. Then Eric cleared his throat.

“Would that be something you would be interested in?”

“It isn’t something I wouldn’t be interested in.”

“If I had children, I would want to raise them. Their mother could be an active part of their lives, sure, but I would want custody with my partner, not the birth mother. I would want my partner to be the child’s father as well. Is that something that you wouldn’t interested in?”

Brian hesitated but then looked back at all the conflicting feelings he had over his situation with Gus’s mothers. Despite butting heads with Melanie pretty regularly, he actually had a lot of respect for the woman. He knew she loved her son with her whole heart and he knew Gus was happy. But a part of him wishes he would have fought harder to at least have him on a more regular basis when he was younger because he had yearned to be more of an influence in his life.

“I am still interested.”

Eric gave him a big smile and they started talking about their options. Soon, he became excited at the prospect. Eric suggested they ask Cynthia to mother the child. Brian was dubious. Not because he didn’t want her to mother a child he raised, why wouldn’t he? She was pretty, driven, smart, and successful. But she never seemed like the type to procreate. It didn’t hurt to ask though so they worked out how to present their idea to her. It must have worked because, while she didn’t agree to carry the kid (“I will bloat like a whale and be put on bed rest, Brian!” but Brian also thought she refused to carry it to keep from getting too attached) she agreed to let them use one of her eggs. She insisted to be called Aunt Cynthia and that, as long as she saw that baby on holidays and got to visit them whenever she called in advance, she would be happy to be a part of this. They went through an agency to find a surrogate. It was there they found Holly. She was a 27 year old divorced mother of two kids and was taking classes online to make something more of herself. She had told the agency that she would prefer a gay couple since she knew there was still prejudice about the gay community and kids.

The months started to go by. All of their friends had been shocked by Brian Kinney, yet again, but they were incredibly happy for the couple. When Brian and Eric had gotten a bigger place together, the gang helped out with the nursery and brought them clothes, toys, and other supplies. Both Eric and Brian were active when it came to going to Holly’s appointments. Even Cynthia went to a few. They visited her on a regular basis to bring her food, offer to watch her kids, and just to see how she was doing. Around the fifth month of Holly’s pregnancy, they found out they were having a girl. Brian remembers how nervous he was. He didn’t know how to deal with girls. He had already been nervous about raising a child that wasn’t biologically his. He remembered the instant connection he had felt with Gus when he was born and Brian was afraid he wouldn’t feel the same with their daughter. Eric seemed to sense his fears and told him that he knew what a big heart Brian had, despite him not showing it all of the time. Even on the chance he didn’t feel an instant connection, his love for her would grow as he spent more time with her. That helped a little, but Brian was still nervous.

The day came when he got the call from Holly saying she was going into labor. Brian called Debbie and asked her to head over to Holly’s to watch her kids as he and Eric drove over to pick her up. Brian and Eric both led Holly to their car and got to the hospital in record time. Eleven hours later, Lily Piper Davisson-Kinney was born. Brian had told Eric that Lily didn’t need his last name because Davisson-Kinney was a total mouthful. But Eric had insisted because she was his daughter too. He watched Eric hold Lily, looking down at her with so much love and devotion in his eyes. He looked up at Brian, his eyes twinkling with pride and pure happiness, and asked,

“Brian, do you want to hold your daughter now?”

Brian felt hesitant but held his arms out to take the newborn. He prepared himself to not feel as much as Eric did. That he would look down and just see a baby whom he had no real connection to. He didn’t prepare to look down and fall in love with this little and beautiful baby girl with a hint of Eric’s black curls in his arms. He didn’t expect to not be able to stop smiling. He didn’t expect to cry tears of joy and to feel like someone so precious had been placed in his life. When he looked at Eric and gave him a watery grin and a warm and loving kiss, he also hadn’t expected that he would wonder a little what it would be like if it were Justin in Eric’s place instead.