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Author's Chapter Notes:

Justin sleeps over at Nathan's and finds out some surprising news.

“You gonna stay here tonight?”

 

Justin gratefully took his eyes off the movie. They were watching a disturbing French film about a woman who starts eating her own flesh because she gets a cut on her leg at a party. He didn’t know why a relatively minor flesh wound would cause you to practice autosarcophagy, but to each their own. It wasn’t really his kind of movie and by looking at Nathan’s nauseated and freaked out expression, he didn’t think it was his either. Sometimes random Netflix picks didn’t work in their favor. Justin sighed and looked at the clock. It was about a quarter after ten. He hadn’t really planned on staying over. He had a painting he needed to work on plus he felt like he needed to be alone. He thought going into the gallery and going to Nathan’s might help him get his mind off today but it hadn’t. Every time he let his mind wander, Brian was there. Nathan had known something was up. Usually he didn’t push Justin too much to keep him company, but he kept being overly affectionate and let him know they could do whatever Justin wanted that night. He asked Justin if he wanted to go out for drinks or something, but Justin hadn’t been in the mood to go out. That was why Nathan had said, “Let’s watch a movie. Come on, it can be something we have never seen before. We will pick the first thing Netflix Roulette gives us. It’ll be fun!”

 

So Netflix Roulette, in its infinite wisdom, had given them a movie that made Justin’s mind want go elsewhere and made Nathan squirm and go, “OH MY GOD, WHY?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO YOURSELF?! STOP IT! STOP IT!!” If Justin didn’t have his mind filled with other things, he would actually find it kind of funny. It was sort of ironic that Nathan could act all bad boy in his leather jacket and have a devil may care façade on stage but would let out high pitched whimpers when he watched someone cut their own skin off and eat it. Justin is sure that some rock stars have done worse.

 

“Justin? Are you staying here or not?” Nathan asked, who was now sitting up straight and wringing his hands.

 

“If you are really that freaked out, then fine.”

 

Nathan let out a breath in relief and let his body fall back into the couch.

 

“Oh good. I’m glad you are staying.” He sighed, then put his face into Justin’s shoulder and whined as the main character got some skin stuck in her teeth.

 

“Nathan, why don’t you just turn it off?”

 

“What do you mean? It’s movie night. Why would we not finish the movie on movie night?”

 

“Because you are freaked to all hell. Come on, turn it off.”

 

Nathan sighed, got the Roku remote off the coffee table, and pressed stop.

 

“I just want to spend time with you.”

 

“You can have that without forcing yourself to watch a woman eat herself alive.”

 

“Really?” Nathan looked at him with exaggeratedly wide and innocent eyes and Justin had to snort a little at that.

 

“Just this once.”

 

“Well, I should take this one opportunity to do something really special then…watch Going Down in La-La Land.”

 

“We have watched it four times already. It isn’t even all that good.”

 

“He’s so cute, Justin. You know how cute he is. He is almost as cute as you.”

 

“He’s okay, I guess.”

 

Nathan found the movie and put it on. When they were about fifteen minutes into it, Justin felt lips kissing the side of his neck and a hand traveling down to his denim-covered crotch. Justin sighed. His cock was starting to react, but he didn’t really want to fuck right now.

 

“Nathan…”

 

“I know you have something on your mind and you won’t tell me. I suppose I accept that. Just let me make you feel good, baby. Let me make you cum. Just close your eyes and relax.”
Justin was growing harder so he closed his eyes and nodded. Nathan began to kiss his jaw and neck again and unzipped Justin’s pants. He pulled his pants and underwear down below his waist and started to stoke Justin’s cock.

 

Justin tried to let his mind go blank as the pleasure started to build up. His attempts were hopeless. Brian’s face was still in his mind, looming over him as Nathan whispered words Justin couldn’t quite focus on and started to jerk Justin in quicker motions.

 

“Now relax. I want you to always remember this, so that no matter who you're ever with, I'll always be there.”

 

Justin gasped and came all over Nathan’s hand. As Justin caught his breath, he slowly opened his eyes. He felt a little guilty and looked over to Nathan to see if he sensed anything was off or if he might have, god forbid, moaned out someone else’s name. But Nathan looked at him with a grin on his face and brought Justin in for a kiss.

 

“You feel better?” Nathan asked him as he got a tissue to wipe off his hand.

 

“Yeah. Thanks.”

 

“No problem.”

 

Justin started to feel tired and drifted off for a little bit. Before he knew it, Nathan helped him up with a, “Come on. Let’s get you to bed” and walked him to the bathroom so he could brush his teeth. Justin sat down on the bed, then took off his jeans and shirt and got under the covers. He felt the bed dip beside him and felt an arm wrap around him.

 

“Goodnight, Justin.”

 

“Night, Nathan.”

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

“Stop! Leave me alone! Get off of me!”

 

Justin woke up with a start and saw the red numbers on the alarm clock telling him it was 5:22 AM. He felt Nathan struggling against the blankets and heard him crying out in his sleep.

 

“Nathan. Nathan! Wake up. Come on, baby, it’s just a dream.”

 

Nathan struggled against Justin and wailed. Justin stroked his back and got the top half of Nathan’s body onto his lap so he could stroke his hair. Nathan’s shouts turned into cries which eventually turned into whimpers. Then he heard him groan, “Justin…”

 

“It’s okay. You’re okay. You are past that now. No one is going to hurt you again, I promise, alright?”

 

Justin sat on the bed with his back against the headboard. He felt Nathan’s tears drip onto his leg as he ran his fingers through his hair. Eventually, he felt Nathan fall back to sleep.

 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Around 9 am, Justin woke up with a stiff neck and Nathan was still sound asleep. Slowly, he shifted Nathan off of him and put his clothes back on. He needed to get back to the apartment but he wasn’t going to go until Nathan woke up. Justin sighed. Nathan’s nightmares had become less and less frequent, at least on nights they slept together. Usually just once every couple of months. He had met Nathan years after what caused them had occurred. It broke his heart when he had to witness them but it broke his heart even more when Nathan withdrew and became guarded for as long as a couple of weeks when a nightmare or flashback happened on a night he wasn’t there. He knew Nathan didn’t blame him for not being there when things like this happened or anything. Nathan would just go into a bout of depression and not deal with it the right way.

 

He decided to make him breakfast in bed. Justin was feeling bad about having other things on his mind yesterday. Nathan hadn’t deserved for Justin to only be half there. Luckily, Justin had insisted Nathan buy actual food to work with so he made the two of them omelets with bacon, peppers, mushrooms, and cheese with some toast and orange juice on the side. He got a tray from underneath the sink and carried it to the bedroom. He put it down on top of the dresser and walked over to the bed. He crawled across it and stroked Nathan’s face to gently wake him up.

 

“Hmmm?” Nathan grumbled as he frowned and stretched.

 

“It’s 9:30.”

 

Nathan shrugged and turned back over, then mumbled, “Early enough to sleep another hour.”

 

“Come on, Nathan. I made you breakfast. Besides, I need to go back to the apartment soon to work on my painting. Eat with me.”

 

Nathan let out a long breath.

 

“Sorry, I just feel like I didn’t sleep very well last night.”

 

“I know. But maybe eating something might make you feel better. You can take a nap in a bit if you are still tired.”

 

Nathan slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes. He looked at him with a small and tired smile as Justin brought over the large tray. He let Nathan hold it as he went back around the bed to sit on top of the covers.

 

While he and Nathan ate, they just talked about any random things that passed through their heads. He didn’t think that Nathan remembered waking up last night so he didn’t say anything about it. Nathan usually avoided the topic anyway.

 

“So what day are you going up to Connecticut to see your mom for Christmas?”

 

For the past few years, Molly would get a ride from Morgantown to the Pittsburgh Airport and would stay in New York for a couple of days. They usually took a train up to Connecticut two days before Christmas to see his mother and Tucker for the holidays. She usually had gotten a month off while she was in college and she still got a nice sized break since she was teaching Science at an elementary school (which made Tucker swell his chest up with pride since she had been inspired to teach by him.) Last year, he had invited Nathan to come up with them, but he had refused. Nathan’s parents had been dead for years and his memories of the holidays were not happy ones. He had gotten Justin a nice set of oil paints and a couple of canvases plus had written him and recorded a song. But he was not about actually celebrating Christmas at all.

 

“Actually, Molly, my mom, and Tucker are coming here this year. Molly is staying with me and Mom and Tucker are staying at Hotel Pennsylvania by Penn Station. We are going out to Hoboken later in the afternoon on Christmas day to eat dinner at Emmett’s and Drew’s.

 

“Oh. That’ll be fun.”

 

“Why don’t you come, Nathan? Come on, it isn’t that far out of the way. Emmett is a fantastic cook. He likes you and wants you there too.”

 

“But New Jersey is really far.”

 

“You KNOW it is a five minute train ride from Christopher St. I swear, you natives are so weird about Jersey.”

 

“Yeah, but I’m in Williamsburg, so I have to make two transfers just to get to Christopher St.”

 

Justin just stared at Nathan with an eyebrow raised. Nathan stared back at him, looked away, then started tapping the breakfast tray. Finally, he let out a sigh.

 

“Can you give me a day or so to think about it? I know I’m weird when it comes to things like this but I just don’t know how to-“

 

“Nathan, I understand. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. Give yourself a day. But I think you should know that you will probably have a good time.”

 

Nathan nodded. “I will probably go. If you think Emmett has enough space.”

 

“Nathan, it is a 3 million dollar townhouse. It has six bedrooms, a big kitchen, and a giant dining room with a table that can extend to fit probably almost 20 people. It’s almost disgusting how well off they both are. I think he has enough space to have you over for dinner. He told me to invite you.”

 

“Alright. I will let you know by tonight.”

 

“Yeah, just call me. I need to get back to my apartment,” Justin told him then hesitated, “Are you going to be okay?”

 

“Yeah. I’ll be fine. I’ll see you later.”

 

“Okay. Call me if you need to talk to someone.”

 

“I’ll be fine.”

 

Justin kissed him on the forehead and said he would see him later. He put the dishes in the sink before he left, walked out the door into the hallway, went down the stairs, and was in the cold air again. He began to walk back to Bedford so he could take the L and transfer to the N at 14th Street to take him back to his apartment.

 

The train ride went relatively quickly and he walked to Mercer Street and went up to his loft. As he let himself in, his phone started ringing. Thinking it might be Nathan possibly remembering more of his nightmare, he got his phone out quickly. He looked at the Caller ID and saw it was Emmett.

 

“Hey, Em.”

 

“Hey, sweetie! How are you doing?”

 

“I’m doing okay. Just getting inside now, stayed the night at Nathan’s. How is everything with you?”

 

“Oh, so-so. Drewsie is all upset over the playoffs and I keep telling him that it isn’t his problem anymore but he gets all offended and says it will never not be his problem blah blah brotherhood blah! But you know, the injury got to him and since this is his first year not playing he is a little touchy about the whole thing. Luckily, the last several months we have been busy with a certain project that is starting to come to fruition, so he is excited about that.”

 

“You still won’t tell me what you and Drew have been planning.”

 

“Well, we wanted to be sure and make sure things are on the right track. Now that they are, we are going to announce it at Christmas Dinner. So you don’t have to wait too terribly long.”

 

“I am excited to find out.”

 

“So you are coming right? You and your family for sure?”

 

“Yeah, Em. Wouldn’t miss it. Actually, I really think Nathan is going to come this year too. I told you how he gets during the holidays but I told him you had invited him and convinced him that it would be good for him.”

 

“Oh, that’s…great!”

 

“You hesitated.”

 

“Oh honey, you know I want him to come. I want him to have a good time and I want him to get to know me and Drew better. I like him fine. It’s just-“

 

“Does this have something to do with Brian and Eric moving to New York?”

 

“Oh! You…you know about that?”

 

“Why the hell wouldn’t you tell me?”

 

“Now, before you get too pissy, I was under the impression that they weren’t going to come until after the 31st at the absolute earliest but I guess they got a sublet at the beginning of December and moved in a few days ago. I thought I had some time to break the news and you haven’t seen each other for so long, I didn’t see why I would need to tell you immediately.”

 

“Emmett, I saw him yesterday. I had lunch with him. And Eric and Lily.”

 

“You what?!”

 

“I ran into him on the street. Lily asked if I was coming to meet Eric for lunch too and Brian asked if I was hungry and I was curious so I went. That is how I found out.”

 

“What are the odds? Well, now that you know, I should probably tell you that I invited them for dinner. They usually go up to Toronto but they just moved here so Mel, Lindsay, and the kids are coming to them and staying in a hotel and since JR is coming, Michael and Ben are coming, Hunter is flying in from Los Angeles to be here too, and then Cynthia is coming in too, and-

 

“Cynthia?” Justin questioned.

 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t she? She’s technically Lily’s mother.” Emmett said offhandedly.

 

“Oh. That’s news to me, but go on.”

 

“Well anyway, it felt rude to not invite all of them when we have the space and we have all been friends for years. The more the merrier! So I suggested to them all that they come here for Christmas a couple of weeks ago. So it will be you, Nathan, Drew’s grandparents, Drewsie himself, me, your mother, your sister, and Tucker, like originally planned. We are just throwing in eleven other people, including your ex! It really isn’t that big of a deal! And since you already had lunch with Brian and won’t be so shocked that he lives in the area now and Nathan knows by now as well, you can both be better prepared to see him. Right? Justin? Are you still there?”

 

“Yeah. I may not have mentioned running into Brian to Nathan yesterday.” Justin confessed.

 

“Oh, honey…honey, that’s not good. You need to let him know.”

 

“I know that now! It just didn’t seem to be a big deal at the time, at least not a big deal to tell him right away, and it didn’t even occur to me that I would see them again so soon until you called! Maybe I can tell him that they will be there but not mention anything about lunch yesterday.”

 

“And nicely ask Brian, Eric, and Lily to go along with it? Brian and Eric would maybe keep their mouths shut but you can NOT ask a three year old to pretend like she doesn’t know you.”

 

“Shit. You’re right.”

 

“And don’t you THINK about backing out, Taylor! I have already bought enough food to feed twenty people and then some. Do not take a quarter of my attending guests away now.”

 

“I will call him in a bit. It’ll be fine. I will just grovel a lot.”

 

“You better. Now, the real reason that I called is that I needed to ask you about how many guests are approximately going to be in attendance at your party so I know how many hors d'oeuvres to make.”

 

“Probably anywhere from sixty-seventy people. I will pay you extra to cover for more than that though, to stay on the safe side.

 

“Oh sweetie, please. You are a close friend. Don’t worry about it. It’ll be exciting to have an artsy New Year’s Eve party. Giving all those struggling artists some extra cash to ring in the New Year. I think it's wonderful.”

 

“We are all excited about it. Sorry to cut you short, but I better get off the phone. I need to work on this painting and do a few errands as well.”

 

“And call Nathan. Today, Justin.”

 

“I know. I will.”

 

“Alright, all I can really say is good luck!”

 

“Thanks, Em. Talk to you later.”

 

Justin hung up the phone and looked at his screen. He should probably call him now. But maybe it would be better to wait. He had a rough night so he might have fallen back asleep. But then again, it is better that he know before he calls to tell Justin if he is definitely coming or not. If he doesn’t then it might be fine, but if he does and Justin only brings it up then…

 

“Just fucking call him now, you coward.” Justin mumbled to himself as he pressed Nathan’s name and put the phone up to his ear.

 

The phone rang three times. Nathan picked up and sounded alert.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hey, it’s me.”

 

“Hey. You miss me already? I bet you just barely got home.”

 

“Yep, that’s it.”

 

“Well, I miss you too.”

 

“Also I just wanted to call and see if you had thought more about Christmas dinner.”

 

“I don’t know, Justin. I might feel weird. I’ve only met your mom twice and I’m a lot younger than Emmett and Drew. I guess I could talk to your sister and stuff but I don’t really know any of them.”

 

“Yeah. I understand. I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

 

“That’s good. But why are you all cool with me not coming now when you were really wanting me to this morning?” Nathan asked, sounding a little suspicious.

 

“I do want you to come!” Okay, Justin knew he sounded too defensive there.

 

“Seriously, what is up with you?”

 

Just fucking tell him.

 

Justin took a deep breath and began to speak.

 

“There are going to be a few more people there than I originally thought.”

 

“Like whom?”

 

“Well, Drew’s grandparents, I guess.”

 

“Makes sense if they’re his grandparents.”

 

“Right. And some friends from Pittsburgh. Lindsay and Melanie. You met Lindsay once when she came in for my show, remember? Michael and Ben. Michael is the one I drew Rage with. All of the kids. Gus, JR, well Hunter really isn’t a kid anymore.”

 

“Gus, Gus…That is Lindsay’s son, right? The one she had with Brian?”

 

“Yeah. And speaking of Brian…”

 

There is a pause where neither of them speak. Nathan breaks the silence and says,

 

“So Brian’s coming?”

 

“Yes. With his partner and daughter.”

 

“Hmmm. All these people are flying out from Chicago and Toronto to have dinner in Hoboken?”

 

“Not from Chicago.”

 

“That’s where you told me Brian lived.”

 

“Kinnetik has been doing really well lately and apparently he bought a floor in a building on Madison Ave and he moved here just a few days ago.”

 

“Uh huh. And you just found this out?”

 

Yes. Well, sort of. I found out yesterday afternoon.”

 

“You saw me yesterday. And today. Why wouldn’t you bring it up?”

 

Justin sighed and just came out and said it.

 

“Because I ran into him and his daughter yesterday and had lunch with them. And Brian’s partner. It wasn’t planned or anything, they just invited me to tag along. I didn’t know how to bring it up.”

 

“You could have brought it up by saying, ‘Hey, I ran into my ex and had lunch with him.’ It isn’t that hard.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry.”

 

“You were acting so weird and quiet yesterday. I knew something had to have happened.”

 

“It was nothing, Nathan. It was just a shock to see him after all these years. Most of the time I was with him he was practically a functioning alcoholic, drug user, and fucked everything that moved. It was weird seeing him settled down with a small family. I am sorry I didn’t tell you. It just put a lot on my mind.”

 

“And you felt like you couldn’t unload and share that with me at all?”

 

“I’m telling you now.”

 

Nathan let out a sigh. He was about to point out that the only reason Justin was telling him was because he might potentially meet Brian now. Nathan didn’t know that much about Brian, to be honest. He always thought he may never completely live up to Justin’s first lover though. Acting all jealous wouldn’t help now. Don’t get him wrong, he felt jealousy. He also felt betrayal because Justin hadn’t told him yesterday, even when Nathan had asked what was wrong. But that wasn’t the way to go about this. He had to be rational.

 

“So fine. He’s coming to Christmas dinner with his family. If that is the only thing you need to warn me about, then that’s nothing. I’m coming.”

 

“You-you’re coming to dinner?”

 

“Yeah, I’m still invited, aren’t I?”

 

“Well, yeah. I just don’t want you to feel weird. Because you were afraid you would feel uncomfortable before but now-“

 

“It’s no big deal. According to you, a lot of people will be there. I am sure I can find someone to chat with. If no one my age, then there is always Drew’s grandma. Just tell Emmett I’m coming.”

 

“Alright, if you’re sure…”

 

“I’m sure, Justin. You said you went back to your loft to paint, right? I should let you get to that then.”

 

“Yeah. Are you sure we’re okay?”

 

Nathan sighed, then answered, “Yes, Justin. It just surprised me a bit and okay, I’ll admit, that I am a little annoyed that you didn’t say anything yesterday, but I am sure that I will enjoy myself at dinner. We’re good. Now go be the genius that I know that you are. Love you.”

 

“…You too.”

 

Justin heard Nathan hang up and he took the phone down away from his ear.

 

He didn’t know how he felt about this.

Chapter End Notes:

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