“Brian, I really love it. I love it so much.”
Brian looked around the townhouse. He had to give his partner props for finding it because it really was beautiful. Modern and sleek enough to appease him, but had a lot of creative individual touches that drew Eric in. As soon as Brian put Lily down onto the polished hardwood floor, she took off running and pointed out everything she liked. Granted, she had done that with every place that day (if Brian and Eric were lacking in anything, it was not good taste.) However, this place seemed to renew her sense of energy, which had been winding down with the last two places they had seen in Dumbo. Brian actually really liked the last place they looked at. It was almost right on the water and had rooftop access. It was a townhouse, but its style reminded him a lot of his loft in Pittsburgh.
However, Eric hadn’t been completely convinced and said, “Brian, I really like this place and it reminds me of Pittsburgh too, but you still have that loft. It is a great loft and we stay there frequently when we go back for business. I love it and I know that it means a lot to you sentimentally, don’t get me wrong. But don’t you want something just a tiny bit different this time? Can we please look at the next place, just to see? I know it is a bit more expensive but we are both doing really well and can afford it plus I really loved the pictures we looked at. If you still like this place a lot better we can make the call as soon as we step back out onto the street and we’ll make an offer and-”
Brian had just laughed and kissed Eric on his temple. “Eric, I don’t mind seeing the next place, you don’t have to work so hard to try to convince me. I’m not going to live in a place unless you absolutely love it. Let’s go back to the car before I get another parking ticket and we’ll head over there.” And that’s what they did. It turns out that it was worth looking at the next house on the list, just to see how happy and in awe the potential new home made his partner look.
Brian always handled change in odd ways. Sometimes he welcomed it and sometimes he detested it. When he found something he loved, it was hard for him to let it go. He had lived in several different places in his life. His parents had moved him and his sister around to about five different cheap apartments in the Pittsburgh area that he could remember before his mother’s father had passed away when Brian was thirteen and left his house to her. None of those places, not even the house, felt like a home. The closest before the loft was Debbie’s but he always made sure that he remembered he was just a guest. When he moved into his loft in Pittsburgh, it represented so many things to him, most of those things brought on by change. It represented the new starts in his life. He was only 24 when he made the purchase. It had been the first confirmation of his success. It was confirmation that he had made it without his parents’ financial or emotional support. It was confirmation that he didn’t have to go back to live in a blue collar neighborhood like the one he grew up in and work a manual labor job like his father did. He didn’t have to reside in a small studio shit hole barely surviving off of ramen like he did in the summers while he was in college and he had an unpaid internship by day and waited tables by night. When he bought the loft, it was proof that he had survived and that he had gotten farther than either of his parents had ever thought he would. It gave him the status of being a true stud, not just an exclusive young top in the back rooms.
But what started making the loft really special to him were the many memories that he had with Justin. It was where he had first taken Justin when he met him under the streetlight. It was the first and only place he had lived in with Justin. It was where Justin had recovered from the bashing. It was the first place where he had ever made love and not just fucked. It is where Justin told him how proud he was of him for giving up everything to stop Stockwell. It was where Justin had taken care of him when he had cancer. It was the first place he had slept with Justin and the last place as well. It was the place where he had welcomed him into his life and the place where he had ultimately kicked him out of it. The only thing it hadn’t been was the place where Justin had said yes to his proposal. And, as great a memory as that was, it was a proposal that had led to nowhere and what use did one man have for a country manor? As hard as it was, he was able to let that place go because it never represented a home to him, only what could have been but shouldn’t be dwelled on. The loft had ended up representing the five wonderful and tumultuous years he had spent with the first person he had ever loved and deep down would always love. He could never let go of it.
The loft had memories of Eric as well, although not as many since they had only actively lived there together for about a year before moving to a bigger place only a few blocks away. And then they had only lived in that bigger place for a few months before deciding it would be best to rent it out until they sold it so Brian could work out of the Chicago branch instead. But it had been the loft where Eric had been compassionate and understanding when Brian had slipped up and where Brian had taken a turn for the better. It had been where they had agreed to have a child together. It was there where Eric inexplicably had Billie Holiday playing while he worked on a design for a client and Brian had even more inexplicably made him stand up and slow dance with him to “I’ll Be Seeing You.” It had been almost as ridiculously romantic as another dance he had initiated years before.
However, most of his favorite memories with Eric and Lily were up in Chicago, a city which held another home that he would never let go of. He had so many memories with his lover in that windy city. It was where they had watched their daughter grow into the precocious, outgoing, and happy little girl she is today. It was where he had held Eric for about half an hour while he cried after his parents had come up from North Carolina to finally meet their granddaughter only to completely dismiss Brian’s place in her life and express their extreme disappointment in their son. He remembers wanting to stake his claim on Eric and Lily right then and there and throw his partner’s parents out of his apartment. He remembers finally getting them to leave and slamming the door in their faces, then rushing over to Eric when he saw his face crumple. He remembers Eric sobbing out reassuring words, in order to make sure Brian knew that he was, “the most wonderful father any little girl could ask for” even though Eric was the one who had been crying. It was also in Chicago where he and Eric had danced around like idiots and sang along to Disney songs with Lily to make her giggle and the term “Stepford” had only passed through Brian’s head four times tops. It was there where he had shared a great amount of happiness with Eric and Lily and built a home with them. This place that already held so many memories was also the place Eric had proposed to him surrounded by boxes packed up for New York and Brian hadn’t thought of saying anything other than yes. He had been glad Eric had asked since Brian himself didn’t think he could ever bring himself to ask that question to anyone else ever again, even if he really wanted to.
Brian had mostly hidden it, but it had been so hard to leave that loft on Tremont Street and almost just as hard to leave their Chicago apartment on Clark Street. But at least this time he didn’t feel like he was leaving anything behind when he left Chicago since Eric and Lily were still with him. He knew that no matter where they lived, no matter how much or how little it cost, they would make new memories together. He knew that their home in New York would mean just as much as the two that meant so much before it.
“Brian? What do you think?”
Brian looked at Eric and his mouth turned upwards into a small smile.
“It’s perfect.”
Eric grinned, then took Brian’s face in his hands and kissed him square on the mouth. They followed Lily around the rooms while she showed them which room HAD to be hers. After leading her away from the master bedroom, she picked another room with a bay window with a cushioned seat built against the wall and a built-in book shelf. She was so excited and he could tell that Eric was just as excited about this place as well. Brian couldn’t say no. He went downstairs to put a bid in with the realtor. He had easily been approved for a loan to cover more than the five million dollar asking price (Christ, buying a nice sized place in the city was expensive.) After he had bargained with her and she had called the owners, they finally agreed that 4.5 million would be acceptable. They thanked the realtor and told her to have a good holiday. Brian took Lily’s hand and the three of them walked out of the house that was now approved to become their home by the first of February. As they walked down the street to become acquainted with their soon-to-be neighborhood, Eric reached out and grabbed his free hand. Brian was happy.