BRIAN 

The last two mornings I woke up and Justin wasn't in bed. I always find him standing outside staring at the sunrise. I was scared the first morning because when he looked at me, it was like My Justin disappeared for a second. I watched as he slowly came back to me. I didn’t want him to forget, but he assured me he was still here.

“I wanted to watch the sun come up. It’s hard not to compare it to what I saw in Heaven. Everything is perfect there, I stopped creating. There was nothing I could do that wasn’t already the perfect painting. I miss seeing something and finding a way to show it from a different perspective.” Justin told me. I can’t imagine how hard it would have been for him.

“You have the chance to do it all over. To show the world your talent.” I tell him.

“I never wanted to show the world, I just wanted to be able to create. You know that was never important to me. If I made it as an artist, that was fine, but it wasn’t my goal. I didn’t paint because I wanted to, I did it because I had to. I needed to get the idea out of my head and onto a canvas. You thought I was afraid of failing, I was almost afraid to succeed and lose the reason I create.” Justin tells me.

“Why didn’t you ever explain that to me?” I ask him.

“At the time, you were too busy trying to push me away. I always knew when you wanted me to do something, you would force the issue. I wanted to us to be happy, you wanted me to reach my potential.” Justin tells me.

“You ever think that we could have been the reason it went wrong?” I ask him.

“It’s there, in my head. We chose the path, but I don’t think it was the reason.” Justin tells me.

“You still think it was Lindsay?” I ask him. 

“Why was she pushing so hard for me to go? She was always there to guide me, but it was the way a big sister would. She never tried to manipulate us, by playing us off each other. Do I think she caused it all? No.” He tells me. I can see he doesn’t quite believe it though.

“What would she have gained? People are selfish bastards, if there was nothing in it for her, why bother?” I tell him.

“What was she like after?” Justin asks me.

“She was inconsolable at first. She wanted to move back, but Mel felt they needed to stay in Canada. Then she was trying to make Gus forget you and Michael was trying to convince me that my grieving was hurting Gus. Lindsay and Michael tried everything to make us forget you.” I tell him.

“Michael wanted you with him, there is not real motive but to try to get his lifelong dream. Michael is as clear as water, he wanted to have the relationship you never gave him. Lindsay and I were raised to hide our motives, behind smiles and being polite. It’s when you turn your back that you should be scared of what we really wanted.” Justin tells me.

“Other than a paycheck for Gus, I couldn’t tell you. I wrote her off. Michael and I stayed friends, we just had our own lives. He was always trying to relive the Babylon days, I just couldn’t be an aging club boy.” I tell him.

“What did you do for tricks?” Justin asks me.

“I had people I hooked up with, who didn’t want a relationship anymore than I did.” I tell him.

“That was one thing I am both glad about and unhappy about at the same time.” Justin tells me.

“I couldn’t get past you, I never will. I wasn’t lonely, Gus and Alex were always there and when Sunny was born, I devoted myself to her.” I tell him.

“I don’t think I could have gotten past you either. I know I would have wanted you to have a life, but I didn’t want you to ever love anyone the way you loved me.” Justin tells me.

“Maybe that is part of Lindsay’s issue. She loved Mel but they weren’t like us. They were always breaking up and getting back together, but unlike us they never took care of each other during the separations. I always wanted you to have what you wanted and needed. They were too busy trying to be right to care if Lindsay had no way to support Gus. If Mel could pay for the house they bought together. They wanted to punish each other. I wanted you happy, I loved you enough to wait for you.” I tell him.

“I don’t get that, even when we were apart, I would have moved heaven and earth to make sure you were alright.” Justin tells me.

“You did, if you think about it.” I tell him. 

I grab his hand and take him back inside. We can think about this when we get back. 

EMMETT

It’s just sad, I came with Michael and Ted to the party and we sit around with everyone. Other than gifts, it’s like we were at a wake. Mel’s family came long enough to give Mel a gift for Gus and left. Lindsay’s family didn’t show at all. There were plenty of people here but Mel and Lindsay were acting like the party wasn’t important anymore. I tried to convince Ted and Michael that we should go, but Michael wanted to sit and bitch that Brian wasn’t around. Ted was talking to Mel, who seemed to be anywhere Lindsay wasn’t. I almost wanted to call Deb and tell her to liven this up. They can sit here, but I think it’s time for this girl to find something more exciting to do. I get up and start walking towards the door, I waved bye to the motley crew and get the hell out of dodge.

“Emmett, can we talk before you go?” Lindsay asks me. Damn, I almost escaped.

“You should really go back and entertain your guests.” I tried.

“Why bother, no one wants to be here.” She tells me. I know exactly where they all want to be. A cabin in Vermont, because their fearless leader dared to have a life.

“What do you want to ask?” I ask her. Hopefully for advice on how to throw a welcome home baby party.

“What do you think is going on with Brian?” Lindsay asks me. I have always been too optimistic.

“I think he found someone who he thinks might become important to him.” I tell her.

“Emmett, we’re talking about Brian. He might like fucking Justin, but he’s never going to be in a relationship.” She tell me. I want to ask her why she is worried if that’s what she really thinks.

“People change Lindsay, what you want today, might not be what you want tomorrow. Brian didn’t want commitment before he met Justin, but it doesn’t mean he can’t change his mind.” I tell her.

“You really think a seventeen year old kid is going to be the one who gets Brian?” Michael asks from the porch. I should have fucking run.

“I think if you and Lindsay had your way, then no, JUSTIN wouldn’t. I also think if you two want to keep your friendship with Brian, you better find a way to accept him living his life, without giving your two cents worth.” I tell them.

“Emmett, he’s going to hurt that kid.” Lindsay tells us.

“Lindsay, Michael, are you really ready to take on Justin? Because he doesn’t seem to have a problem shutting you down. Not a single person in this gang has ever accomplished that, I don’t think you guys want to fight with that seventeen year old kid, because the way it looks, Brian will side with him.” I tell them. Michael turns around and walks back inside, guess he couldn’t find anything to say to that.

“I want to know why Brian seems to be confiding in you lately.” Lindsay persists. 

“I don’t have an answer for you. He asked me to take care of Gus, if anything happened. You should be happy that he cares enough to do that.” I tell her.

“I am happy that he wants to do things for Gus.” Lindsay tells me. 

“Is there a point to this conversation?” I ask her.

“I wanted to see if you had a way to get a hold of Brian. Gus is having pictures taken Monday and I wanted to invite him to go with me.” She tells me.

“Call him on Monday and ask. I’m not giving you or Michael a way to get a hold of Brian.” I tell her. Fuck, now she knows I have a way to call Brian.

“You know where they are?” Lindsey asks me. 

“Unless it’s an emergency no, I don’t.” I tell her.

“Emmett, I’m not going to bother him, but he should have left the information with me. For Gus.” She tells me.

“Lindsay, if Brian wanted you or Michael to know where they are, he would have told you.” Ted tells her. 

“Ted, you ready to get out of here?” I ask him. Lindsay can try to get information out of someone else.

“I was looking for you, next time tell me your leaving. I had to listen to Michael bitching about Justin.” Ted seems irritated. 

“Lindsay, congratulations on having Gus, but Teddy and I are going to get out of here.” I hurry to Ted’s car and ignore her trying to get Brian’s information.

“Thank you Teddy. I swear when Brian gets back, I want to hand him his key and tell him that I’m not going to be the keeper of Kinney secrets. How the hell does he deal with the two of them?” I ask Ted.

“Makes him seem like less of an asshole when you open your eyes and see the other side of it, doesn’t it?” Teddy asks me.

“Something going on Teddy?” I ask him. He’s been different since Deb’s last night.

“I listened to ‘Mom’ and decide to look for a ‘could be’ instead of waiting for a ‘never will be’. I think Mel is starting to feel the same way about the things Deb said. She told me she’s been blaming the wrong person for her and Lindsay’s problems.” He tells me. I want to cheer, Teddy finally understands that Michael isn’t going to ever return his feelings.

“Brian has always said that we make our own problems. Mel letting Lindsay talk her into having a baby with Brian, is Mel’s problem. She could have stood her ground and said no. Mel has always had a blind spot to Lindsay’s use of Brian to make Mel jealous. Teddy, do you realize you and I are defending Brian?” I tell him.

“Yeah, it’s like the a new world order. It’s just after the farce last night you know, Michael and Lindsay trying to get Brian to do what they want. I made myself stop defending Michael and really listened to them two of them. Deb is right they are self centered assholes. I don’t want to be the kind of person who defends a guy who could call a friend a prick and then act like he didn't do anything wrong. It made me wonder what Michael says about me, when I can’t hear it.” Ted tells me.

I didn’t tell him that Michael calls him boring. Michael tried to soften it by saying he was a good guy, just not the kind of guy that men want. This coming from a guy who hasn’t ever really had a date that Brian didn’t help him get.

I think Ted owes Deb a present, she was able to get through to someone at the bitch fest. Unfortunately it wasn’t the target audience.