BRIAN 

This is the year I face the big C, and we lose Vic. The thing with knowledge is that it doesn’t mean it makes any of this easier when the things you know are going to happen, happen.

Justin felt guilty because we forgot about Darren, since there was no need for a benefit to dig my ass out of a hole. Darren was out doing his thing and got beat up last night. Marilyn is once again on Justin’s shit list.

“Justin, I wanted to stop it too. It had to happen if he was going to help Emmett, after Vic dies.” She tells him. 

“There are only so many ‘have to happens’ that I can accept. It’s not like Emmett couldn’t convince Darren to work for him, instead of Darren having to deal with a beating.” He tells her.

“If he could still perform, he wouldn’t have joined Emmett in the business.” I tell Justin. 

“Then Emmett wouldn’t meet Drew.” He tells us. 

“Exactly. It’s not just to hurt someone. Each thing leads to other things.” She tells him. 

“Well what purpose was the posse? All it showed me is that I could be just as sick as Chris.” He tells her. 

“You were angry, and felt like you had to to do something. The posse seemed like the answer, until Cody convinced you to do something you knew wouldn’t change what happened. Justin you have free will, and you chose the wrong thing. It wasn’t a lesson, it was just what you wanted at the time.” She tells him.

“Don’t even think about going that route again, because this time I will stop you.” I tell him.

“I wouldn’t do that again, trust me, Cody is just a idiot without a clue.” He tells me.

“Anything else you want to yell at me for? Because this girl has a date tonight.” She tells us.

“One more thing, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I don’t want Deb to end up regretting not being able to make up with Vic.” I tell her.

“And you want to know if you help will it hurt anything?” She asks me.

“I just know that she felt guilty for the rest of her life because of it. I don’t want her to go through that again.” I tell her.

“She isn’t alone this time. She and Carl stayed together, because Carl didn’t chicken out of doing his job. It was her having too much time on her hands that caused all the strife between she and Vic. She wanted Vic to still want to do everything with her, because no one else did. Carl being here with her makes it so she doesn’t feel the need to hang on to Vic. Does that help?” She asks me.

“Brian we need to worry about you, not everyone else.” Justin tells me.

“We’re going to, but I lived with regret and I couldn’t let Deb go through that again if I can change it.” I tell him.

“Justin, the doctor is going to catch it at his next appointment because you two are looking for it.” She assures us.

“Why couldn’t it skip him this time?” Justin asks the air.

Marilyn turns and starts whispering to Justin.

JUSTIN

“You know why, and he isn’t going to be upset when he finds out later. I mean that Justin, he needs to find out later.” Marilyn whispers in my ear.

“What are you whispering to him?” Brian asks Marilyn.

“To leave the Darren thing alone.” She tells Brian.

Marilyn waits for me to agree and I do because it’s a future that we haven’t had again. I don’t want to do anything that could change it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian and I go together to his appointment, because this is one time when he needed me. We listen to the doctor tell us that they have to do the surgery, but because they caught it early enough, he didn’t see the need for Chemo or radiation, unless they felt it spread.

Brian told Ted, because he was going to keep it from Deb and Michael. Ted agreed to tell everyone that we were going on a vacation. Instead of having the surgery after Vic’s funeral we were on our way there now. 

Brian checked in and we were given a room to stay in. I watched as they prepared him for the surgery and I’m glad that he isn’t alone this time.

“Justin, I want you to know that if I had been smarter about this you would have been here the last time.” He tells me.

“I’m here now, so go to sleep and when you wake up, I’ll still be here.” I tell him.

“I love you, always have and always will.” He tells me drowsily.

“I love you always too.” I tell him. 

BRIAN

I woke up to my favorite place, a field of daisies. I was glad that I wasn’t sitting in Babylon with Vic. Looking around I was trying to find Kira.

“DAAAAD” She yells from behind me.

I turn to see her standing with Jen. Jen smiles down at Kira and then looks at me and waves, before disappearing. Kira runs to me and I catch her. I wish I could smell her just to be able to have that until she gets here.

“I was hoping to see you again.” I tell her.

“I wasn’t going to let anyone else see you.” She tells me.

Instead of listening to Vic go on about changing my life, I get time with my daughter. I dance with her in the fields and help her make a crown for her head.

“Aren’t you glad you get to be with me?” She ask me.

“If I had to be anywhere, you are the best place I could be.” I tell her.

“Tell Daddy to start working on his art, it’s time for that.” She tells me.

“I will.” I tell her.

I can feel it’s time for me to go back, so I pick her up and hold her before I have to go again. 

“I love you.” I tell her.

“Of course you do silly, you told me once that you would love me to the end of time. I love you too Dad.” She tells me.

Waking up wasn’t so hard, because the first person I see is Justin. He has a mask on but I could tell he was smiling. 

“The doctor said that they got it all and they don’t think you're going to need Chemo or radiation. They are going to let us know after they run the test.” He tells me.

I nod, because I was having a hard time talking. I turn my hand over and he puts his in it.

“Kira.” I managed.

“I’m glad it was her.” He tells me.

JUSTIN

Brian was still having some issues but I decided against the yak shit tea and told him to tell his doctor this time. That is how Michael found out about the cancer. He was waiting for Ben when he saw us coming out of Oncology. 

“What were you doing in that wing?” He asks Brian. 

“Seeing my doctor.” He tells Michael. 

“In that wing?” He asks. 

“It’s generally where people who had cancer go.” He tells Michael. 

“And you didn't tell me?” He asks Brian. 

“Justin and I wanted to deal with this together. I didn’t want everybody turning this into a big deal.” He tells Michael. 

“So instead you keep it from me? I could have been there for you.” He pouts. 

“Be there for Ben. I had Justin and that's the only person I needed.” He tells Michael. 

“What if something happened to you? Couldn’t you think of how I would feel, not finding out until it was too late to be there. I guess it doesn't matter how I felt, as long as Justin is around.” He tells Brian. 

“You want to know why I didn't tell you?” He asks Michael. 

“I know why, because Justin wanted me left out.” He sneered. 

“I didn’t need you acting like it was about YOU. Justin can be there for me without having me take care of him. Listen to yourself, I just had a ball removed and all you are worried about is YOU. So I decided that if I had to go through surgery, I wanted someone who was there for me not for themselves.” He tells Michael. 

“It isn’t just about YOU. It’s respecting us enough that you tell us things that will hurt us.” Michael tells him. 

“How exactly does it hurt you?” I ask him. 

“I wouldn’t have been able to say goodbye. I wouldn't have been able to see him one last time.” He tells me. 

“Since I'm fine, we won’t have to go through your merry widow episode.” Brian tells him. 

“You don’t understand how I feel.” He tells Brian. 

“I honestly don't give a shit how you feel, because for once it's about me.” Brian tells him.     

Brian holds out his hand and I take it.

“Why don’t you go see how YOUR partner is doing? Mine will take care of me.” He tells Michael. 

We walk away from Michael in a snit. I'm sure everyone will hear about how it affects Michael, but like Brian said, ‘who gives a shit’.

EMMETT 

“Lord help me, cause I'm trying to find a nice way of saying this, get over yourself Michael.” I tell him.

“I just think Brian should have told us. Ma and I deserve to be there for Brian.” Michael tells me. 

“So you could what, push Justin aside in your bid to prove who loves Brian the most?” I ask him.  

“Why did I think you would understand?” He asks me. 

“I haven’t got a clue, because unlike you I respect Brian’s decision to want the man he loves to not have to fight with you to sit by his side.” I tell him. 

“Why is it always about letting Justin have his way?” He asks me. 

“It was so Brian could be sick and not have to listen to you. Jesus Michael, for once realize Justin is going to come before you. Brian doesn't need you to hold his hand.” I tell him.

“I'm his best friend.” He tells me  

“Go home to Ben, who should be your best friend.  The last thing Brian needs is you standing in his living room acting like this is about you.” I tell him. 

“Why didn’t he tell me they moved?” He asks me.

“Because we didn't want you constantly at our door, without you calling first.” Justin tells him. 

“Well I won't stay where I'm not wanted.” Michael stands there with his arms crossed. 

We all stand silently and Michael gets a clue. He stomps out the door ad slams it shut.

“Was he like this the last time?” I ask Justin. 

“Brian didn’t tell anyone, he told us he was going to Ibiza. I found out because his doctor called. I went to Michael because I wanted to know if he knew. Which was my mistake. He and I agreed to let Brian keep it a secret, then he goes and cries all over Brian and tells him I know and told him. I came home to Brian kicking me out.” I tell him. 

“Let me guess, Michael didn’t warn you?” I ask him. 

“It wouldn’t have changed that I was scared Justin would leave me.” Brian tells me from the entrance to the living room. 

“Brian seemed to think I wouldn’t want him, since he was no longer perfect.” Justin tells me. 

“I know better now.” Brian tells him.

“Justin called me to make you some chicken noodle soup, and said to tell you eat the fucking chicken soup. Which I totally don't get, but you seem to.” I tell him. 

I watch Brian walk to Justin and kiss him tenderly, then slowly walk into the kitchen to eat. I guess it means something to them, and you know, I think I don't need to know.