- Text Size +

Several weeks after the custody trial had ended, Delia decided to finally read Daphne’s diary. She had previously only skipped to the end to see if it offered any insight into why Daphne decided to write a new will just two days before her death. Delia was glad she was on summer break from her job as a high school technology teacher so she could spend a day reading her beloved sister’s book of secrets while her husband was at work, knowing it would be very hard to read it in its entirety.

Daphne started writing the diary the day she found out she was pregnant with Keegan, which also happened to be Daphne’s thirty-second birthday. Delia noticed that the tone of the diary changed soon after she had started writing it, when Daphne begun to suspect Curtis was cheating. She was very surprised that Daphne had kept such important issues in her marriage a secret from her for so long, since she assumed Daphne told her everything.

Once she was finished reading, Delia decided Justin should have the diary, especially since her sister had mentioned a lot of things about him and their son. She called Justin the next morning and asked if she could come out to Britin to visit, telling him about the diary and how she thought he should have it.

Justin said she was welcome anytime and to come on out. While waiting for Delia to arrive, he made some blueberry muffins, her favorite. They had a very nice visit, and Delia played with her nephew in the nursery until it was time for his nap.

After Delia left, Justin curled up in a chair in his office in the attic and started to read his best friend’s thoughts about their unborn child and her life. Justin remembered June thirteenth very well, because he and Brian had been getting dressed to go to Debbie’s house for Daphne’s birthday dinner when Daphne called with the exciting news.


6/13/15 - I’M PREGNANT!!! Finally the test was positive after 4 tries. Best birthday present EVER! I’m so happy I’m finally going to be a mother after wanting this for so long. I jumped into Curtis’s lap while he was drinking coffee, telling him it finally worked and we’re going to be parents. He laughed and asked if I’d called Justin yet. I called the loft, Brian answered, and I started screaming that I was pregnant. I heard Justin ask what was going on and Brian said, “I think you knocked her up this time, Papa.” Hahaha. I can’t wait to go to Debbie’s for the party she is throwing me (she’s so sweet) and announce the news to everyone!

6/16/15 - I’m still getting used to the fact that I’M PREGNANT!! Aaahhhh!!! So fucking happy!!

6/18/15 - Okay, something weird happened today. Not pregnancy related but I just have to write about it. I decided to go to the hospital to surprise Curtis at lunchtime, since my schedule was clear for most of the afternoon. I went over to the nurses station in his unit. The girl at the desk must have been new, because I didn’t recognize her. When I told her I was Curtis’s wife, she acted surprised he’s married. I was like, “Uh yeah, I’m his fucking wife. Who are you?” The girl gave me a dirty look before she called Curtis to see if he was free for lunch. When he came out to meet me, he seemed angry I was there and didn’t call beforehand. He couldn’t get me out fast enough. What the fuck?? I used to visit him at the hospital all the time and now I’m not welcome?? As Emmett would say, that really burned my biscuits.

Justin tried to recall that time in their lives, shortly after finding out that Daphne was expecting. He talked to her or saw her every single day, and she appeared nothing but happy then. He wondered why she wouldn’t have told him about her odd experience at the hospital.

6/21/15 - Curtis has been acting really weird since the incident the other day. When I ask him what that was about, he either tells me “nothing” or plays dumb. Maybe I should just forget about it.

6/24/15 - Yesterday I broke down and called one of the nurses from the hospital named Rachel that I went to high school with. I know those nurses must talk and gossip, because it’s inevitable when you get a bunch of women together. I just can’t shake the feeling that something bad is going on. When I told her about the incident the other day and asked what the deal was, she said I should talk to Curtis. Practically hung up on me. He didn’t get home until almost midnight, but I stayed up to talk to him. I’m not even six weeks along yet but already I’m fucking exhausted. Can hardly stay awake past 8 PM. We ended up having a huge fight with him asking why I don’t trust him. It ended with me apologizing for being paranoid, although I don’t think I’m being paranoid. I’ve had suspicions for years that he cheats, but I’ve never had concrete proof. He slept on the couch, saying he didn’t want to sleep next to a hormonal pregnant lady. Well fuck you too, asshole!! I’m still crying as I write this the next morning.

6/25/15 - I hardly got any sleep last night. Curtis slept in our bed, but all I could do was lay there and worry. We barely talked after he got home from work. I didn’t have my first appointment until 10 this morning, so I decided to call the life insurance company to change my policy. It used to be that Curtis was the beneficiary and trustee, but I decided to change the beneficiary to all children of mine alive at the time of my death. Justin is now the trustee. Kind of scary to be planning for such a morbid thing, but better safe than sorry, right? The maternal death rate in this country is ridiculously high. Maybe I’m just being paranoid (again), but I have to do what’s best for this little baby growing in my belly. I already feel an overwhelming sense of protection for him/her. DON’T FUCK WITH MAMA BEAR!

Justin remembered June twenty-fifth vividly, since he had a few pieces in an art exhibition at the Bloom Gallery that evening. Daphne had been there, but Curtis had to work. Justin did not recall anything being out of the ordinary with his best friend. He thought she had looked very beautiful and happy, practically glowing as she admired Justin’s paintings. It was possible she was just putting her best face forward, since Justin was always stressed when he had a show, and didn’t want to add to his plate by telling him about her problems with Curtis.

6/29/15 - I did something kind of bad today. Curtis was at work (of course) and I was home alone. My busy hormonal brain was making it impossible for me to relax. I tried to get on Curtis’s computer but found it requires a password to get on. I don’t remembering it ever asking for a password before. I tried a few things he could have used as a password, but none of them worked. If I had gotten on, I would have snooped around in his email to see if I could find any clues as to why he’s been acting so weird lately. I’m trying not to feel too guilty about it. Can’t shake the feeling that he’s cheating.

7/5/15 - Yesterday Curtis and I went to Dr. Roberts’s annual Fourth of July barbeque at his house. He actually had the entire day off. Curtis was helping man the grill, so I roamed around and chatted with people. I started talking to a physical therapist named Becky, a total busybody. I told her about the weird thing that happened at the hospital a couple weeks ago. She admitted it’s not exactly common knowledge around the hospital that Curtis is married. When I asked her why Curtis wouldn’t want everyone to know about me, she scurried away to talk to someone else. I didn’t ask Curtis about it later, not wanting another fight.

7/16/15 - I’ve been too sick to write lately. I’ve only actually thrown up a couple of times, but I’ve felt like complete shit. Nausea, headaches, and exhaustion. Some days I can hardly make it through the whole day at work. I haven’t told them I’m pregnant yet, so I’ve just been feigning a summer flu. I have been very depressed, despite this supposedly being the happiest time of my life. Curtis has been spending more time away from home, claiming that he’s working. I don’t think he’s ONLY working. When he is home, there’s always an underlying tension between us. Things weren’t perfect before I got pregnant, but it was better than this. I don’t regret this baby, but I think he does.

7/27/15 - Went to the ObGyn today for my first prenatal appointment. Curtis and Justin both came with me. She confirmed that I am indeed knocked up and 10 weeks along. There’s no doubt that something is going on in my uterus. I’m showing a little bit, which is so cool. I can’t keep my hands off of my belly. I’m starting to actually look pregnant and not just bloated. Seeing it makes it feel more real. I have been craving citrus fruits and ate two limes with salt for breakfast. I also pee constantly and my boobs are HUGE!! My due date is Feb. 20. So excited!!

Justin smiled as he fondly remembered accompanying Daphne and Curtis to the hospital for her first appointment. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary between the married couple and they were both thrilled that their little bun in the oven was baking nicely. Curtis had even teared up a bit when the bean-like fetus was shown on the ultrasound screen, its heartbeat flickering steadily.

8/3/15 - Katie at the office pulled me aside today and asked if I’m pregnant. I’ve been trying to hide my belly with baggy shirts, but apparently it’s becoming more noticeable. I told her to keep it a secret for a few more weeks until I’m in my second trimester.

8/15/15 - I am 13 weeks today, the second trimester mark. You have a lower chance of miscarrying once you get past your first trimester, so I feel very relieved. Still have indigestion and am constantly tired, but I’m dealing with it. My new favorite snack is dill pickles and milk, which sounds gross but is actually really good! Told everyone at the office that I’m prego but nobody acted surprised. Either Katie told on me or they didn’t all think I’m just getting fat, haha. Whatever, they were all very happy for me.

8/24/15 - Curtis is being more distant than ever, but still claims that nothing’s wrong. I talked to him about Justin and Brian being the baby’s godfathers, and he just shrugged. Maybe he really is just too busy at work. We haven’t had sex in weeks, which is a bummer since the second trimester is supposed to be the “Honeymoon Phase” of your pregnancy. I really hope he’s not cheating on me, especially when I’m pregnant. I’m too chickenshit to just come out and ask.

8/26/15 - Had my 14 week appointment today. Curtis said he couldn’t get away to come over to the Women’s Hospital, although it would’ve only taken him a few minutes. Justin went with me. I’ve put on six pounds since my last visit (seems to be all in my boobs and belly, haha). Me and the baby are very healthy. I’m so relieved. We got to listen to the heartbeat and both cried. Justin already loves this baby so much. We met Brian for lunch after. He hadn’t seen me in a few weeks and freaked out about how big my boobs are. I can hardly stuff these bitches in a D cup bra anymore and need to go shopping for new ones. Brian yelled, “Holy Honkers, Batman!” It was so funny! For a gay guy, he has a strange fascination with boobs, LOL. He also rubbed my belly and called me Little Mama when saying goodbye… I loved the way that sounded.

8/30/15 - I felt the baby (who JR has nicknamed “Little Sunny”) move for the first time today, tiny little flutters. Aaahhhhh!! So fucking awesome!!! I was at work in the middle of an appointment and started freaking out. There I was talking to a teenage boy about his cystic acne and Little Sunny decides to say “Hi Mommy!” for the first time. Awkward but wonderful. Curtis dryly said “cool” when I told him about it. I called Justin, who cried and made me cry. That was more the reaction I was hoping for from my husband… Hell, the boy with the acne was more excited about it than Curtis was. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t even care about this baby. He never asks me how I’m feeling while Justin asks me so much, it’s almost annoying. Even Mr. Don’t Give a Fuck Kinney sends me messages every few days asking how Little Mama and Little Sunny are.

9/8/15 - I love my husband… I really do… but he’s been acting like a COMPLETE BITCH lately. I’M supposed to be the moody one here (feeling very moody at the moment, obviously), but he has been a total twat, snapping at me and stomping off at the slightest provocation. He’s been spending more nights on the couch, if he comes home at all. He claims he’s been on call and doesn’t see a point in leaving the hospital, but whatever. I can hardly talk to him about anything anymore. I hate how this diary has become a “bitching about Curtis” diary instead of chronicling my pregnancy, but he’s been giving me so much to bitch about.

9/12/15 - We had dinner at Capital Grille for Sara’s birthday earlier. Frank asked if I’m going to take time off after the baby is born. I said I would probably take 12 weeks before going back to work. Curtis gave me an ugly look and said, “I thought we discussed before that you would quit your job after you had a baby.” Uh no, YOU discussed it before and I said no fucking way. With all the time and money I spent establishing my career (still paying for it), I am not going to give it up just like that, no matter how much I love our baby. As if we don’t already have money problems, he wants us reduced to one income in addition to having a child to raise?? Mama is retiring at the end of the year and offered to babysit for us, so childcare is covered. We almost had a fight right there in the restaurant before Frank reminded us that we were there to celebrate his wife’s birthday. Curtis is now giving me the silent treatment, which is fine since I don’t want to talk to his ass anyway.

9/16/15 - Justin surprised me at work today with a BLT with avocado, my new obsession. He could tell I was upset about something and nearly had a meltdown when he assumed something was wrong with the baby. I promised him the baby is perfect and I’m just very tired, which is true. My ligaments are stretching more by the day and I hurt everywhere. It’s hard to sleep with the pain and the baby moving so much now. Curtis and I are just existing in the same house together. I tried to get some sexy time going last night, since I’ve been so fucking horny lately (those glorious pregnancy hormones) and wanted to make peace, but Curtis said he was too tired. SERIOUSLY?? I’m the one growing a human being in my body and working 45 hours per week, but YOU are too tired??? Good thing I have a vibrator to keep me sane.

10/5/15 - Today we find out the baby’s sex. I’m so excited!! I’m twenty weeks along, halfway through. Curtis once again says he’s too busy to go to the appointment, since he has a surgical intern this semester. I’m a little disappointed, but Justin and Brian are going to be there. I have a feeling that it’s a boy, but I’ll of course be happy if it’s a girl. I’d like to have one of each. I’ve been calling “it” a “he” in my head for weeks.

10/5/15 (continued) - Well, now we know… IT’S A BOY!!! Curtis was able to run in just long enough to hear the news before having to go back to the surgical wing. Justin was bouncing around with his huge smile and Brian was trying to act like he didn’t want to be there, but when they started showing the ultrasound of the baby, you couldn’t have peeled his eyes from the screen. He cracked to Justin, “Look Sunshine, it has your penis!” LMAO!! I’m going to name him Keegan, a name I’ve loved for years. I know that Brian likes it, since it’s an Irish name that means “little fire.” Not sure about the middle name yet, there’s still time to figure it out. Maybe I’ll ask Justin if he has any suggestions. Curtis wants to name him Curtis Jr, but that ain’t happening.

Justin laughed and cried happy tears as he recalled that day in the exam room when he found out that he was going to have a son. Even the ultrasound technician laughed at Brian’s comment. Curtis, however, rolled his eyes before making his exit.

10/11/15 - Justin and I were out shopping for baby stuff today when I felt Keegan moving. It hasn’t been strong enough to feel from the outside… until today. I dropped everything I was holding and grabbed Justin’s hand. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he felt his son kicking against his hand. It was so cute how happy he was. He screamed “Holy shit, he’s moving!” loud enough for the whole store to hear. All I could do was laugh as he dropped to his knees and kissed my belly, then talked to Keegan for a minute in baby talk. God, I love Justin so much. Sometimes I wish Keegan was our baby. Yeah, he’s technically OUR baby, but he’s supposed to be my and Curtis’s baby. There was a time when I thought Justin and I would have a real family together.

Justin was really surprised to read that last part. Sure, he knew Daphne used to have a crush on him and thought she was in love with him after he had taken her virginity nearly a million years ago, but he had no idea she had once harbored a fantasy of them having a family.

10/20/15 - It’s official… I am 100% certain Curtis is cheating on me. I was doing laundry earlier and found a ticket stub in one of his pockets to the Bradley Cooper movie called Burnt. It’s a total chick flick. Curtis would NEVER see a movie like that on his own or with a guy friend. Plus, he was supposed to be at work during the show time. I know if I ask him about it, he’ll lie or get shitty with me. I don’t know what the fuck I should do. I’m already a mess as it is, unable to sleep for more than two hours at a time. Keegan enjoys doing backflips when I lay down and wakes me up. I have a constant headache. I still have 18 weeks to go, but I already feel big as a fucking house.

10/22/15 - I’ve been crying almost constantly for the past two days. I canceled lunch with Justin today because I don’t want him to see me like this. I want to tell someone just so I don’t feel so alone, but I can’t. If I tell Delia or Mama, they’ll flip out and want to kill Curtis. Mama has never really liked or trusted him since day one. I definitely can’t tell Justin. He’ll also be angry at Curtis, but I don’t want him to regret making this baby with me. Justin’s son deserves a family with two parents who love each other. I don’t see that as a possibility now.

Justin’s heart broke as he read his best friend’s words. He couldn’t believe Daphne didn’t tell him what was going on when she was obviously in so much agony. If she had confided in him, he would have insisted Daphne leave Curtis because she deserved so much better than that. He never would have felt regret for helping her conceive, no matter what happened. The fact that she felt like she had little choice but to put up with Curtis’s infidelity out of fear of how Justin would react made him hate Curtis even more than he already did. Curtis had turned the strong woman who didn’t take shit from anyone into a scared mouse.

11/2/15 - Went to the doctor today. Didn’t even tell Curtis about the appointment. Of course Justin was there. I don’t know what I’d do without him. My blood pressure was a tiny bit high, but it wasn’t anything to be too alarmed about. It has to be from the stress of knowing I’m living a lie. Every time I see Curtis, I want to confront him about his girlfriend or mistress or whatever the fuck, but I chicken out. I know it’ll just result in a huge fight and I can’t handle that right now. I’m just barely keeping myself together, pretending everything is perfect. I never understood women who stay with their cheating husbands, but now I totally get it. I can’t even tell Justin about this and I used to tell him EVERYTHING. I want this baby to grow up in a happy home, not with parents that fight and don’t want to be together.

Justin could hardly read at that point, the tears were falling so steadily. It tore him apart knowing Daphne had spent what was supposed to be the happiest time of her life in so much pain, especially since those ended up being the last few months of her life.

11/8/15 - I am so fucking angry right now. I’m going through an almost OCD-like nesting phase where I can’t get the house clean enough. I was picking up some stuff around Curtis’s computer desk earlier and found a credit card statement poorly hidden. Curtis opened a Mastercard in both of our names, which I never approved of. I sure as hell never signed anything, so I don’t know how he did it. We’ve always kept our finances separate, despite his protests. Yeah, we’re married, but we don’t have to marry together our bank accounts. We don’t even file a joint tax return. He has charged $3,834.74 on the card so far. Last month he used it at restaurants and stores all over town. He spent $348 at a liquor store, probably buying a fancy bottle of wine for one of his whores. Finances are tight enough as it is, with student loans and mortgage, and he goes on a fucking spending spree with my name on the card??? I called the company and asked when the card was opened and they said it was in August. How the fuck has he charged almost 4K in 3 months??? I know none of it was on me. I don’t know how we’re going to pay for this. I told them to cancel the card so he can’t use it anymore. Waiting for the rat bastard to get home...

11/9/15 - I asked him about the credit card last night. He gave a sob story about how he has maxed out his other cards and had no choice but to get one in both our names, because his credit is so bad. When I asked him what he spent all that money on, he yelled “I don’t ask you what you spend your money on” and then World War III nearly began in our living room. I told him I could report him for fraud, but he’s lucky I love him too much to put him through that. He ended up storming out. Part of me hopes he doesn’t even come home.

The episode with the credit card was news to Justin. They used to tell each other about every hangnail and papercut they had, so he was shocked that Daphne chose not to share such a major thing like that with him. He had no clue she and Curtis had been having such serious money problems and would have helped them if asked.

11/13/15 - I don’t know what to do anymore. Curtis has been acting so nice since the discovery of the credit card and it feels so fucking fake. He knows he’s in deep shit. I know it’s only a matter of time before the next argument happens. We had sex last night after I don’t know how long, but it felt so… strange. I had to initiate it and it was as if he was doing me a favor. He never even kissed me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m pregnant or what, but he’s not attracted to me anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m not pregnant with HIS child. Strangely, I’ve never felt more beautiful. I love looking in the mirror each day and seeing how my body is changing as Keegan gets bigger inside my belly. As Brian would say, I’d fuck me, haha.

11/28/15 - Well, we made it. Today marks the beginning of my third trimester. Only twelve more weeks before I finally become a mommy. This past Thursday was Thanksgiving. Curtis had to work, OF FUCKING COURSE. He had the balls to get mad at me when I said I wasn’t going to stop by his parents’ house for a visit. I already had to go to my parents’ and Deb’s. I wasn’t going to spend my day driving my pregnant ass around town all by myself. Gus came down for the holiday and I can’t believe how tall he is now. He shot up a good six inches since I last saw him. He’s nearly Justin’s height and looks exactly like Brian. He’s going through a gothic phase and Brian obviously hates it. He called Gus “The Creature of the Day” since Gus has a curfew. Gus talked to my belly and introduced himself as “your big brother.” I almost cried.

12/5/15 - Had my baby shower today at the Edgewood Country Club. Emmett’s company took care of it, meaning it was very fancy. It was so nice having everyone from our families there to celebrate the upcoming birth of our baby. The gifts were nice too, of course. We received nearly everything on our registries, which was great since we couldn’t afford to buy most of it ourselves. Curtis had tried getting out of going, saying baby showers are for women. I told him that many men, including both of our fathers, would be there and not to act like a jerk. Luckily Curtis acted very gracious throughout the party. I put on a fine performance, too. It’s beyond tiring acting like everything's okay.

12/13/15 - We had the biggest fight we’ve ever had yesterday. I still can’t believe it. Justin was over earlier in the day putting the finishing touches on the mural he painted in the nursery, which looks amazing. Curtis came home from work before dinner time, which rarely happens. He made a snide comment about how I didn’t have dinner ready for him, which I laughed off since we had an audience. I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO BE HOME FOR DINNER!!! I wanted to scream. I told him it would be a great idea to take Justin out to dinner as a thank you for the mural, since he refused to take actual payment for it. Curtis said no (only “no,” no other words) and went to take a shower. I told Justin to go ahead home. After he was gone and Curtis came out of the shower, I asked him why he didn’t want to go to dinner with Justin. He said he didn’t want me to see Justin anymore. I was not okay with this, of course, and wanted to know why. Curtis said he didn’t want Justin or anyone else from his family to be part of our son’s life. He next went on a homophobic rant about how he didn’t want his son to be raised around a bunch of faggots. I had no idea he felt this way about gay people and never saw this ugly side of him before. I don’t even know this man anymore.

Justin slowly nodded his head as he read that part, since he later got to see that side of Curtis himself and had been just as surprised.

12/25/15 - Yes, it’s been a long time since I’ve written. I’ve been so tired and busy lately, trying to get everything at work and the house ready before Keegan’s arrival. Of course it’s also been the holiday season, lots of decorating, baking, shopping, blah blah… Curtis said he needs to go into the hospital and catch up on paperwork today, on fucking Christmas. Whatever. I planned on spending the day at Britin with the rest of the gang. I guess I’d better go, since I don’t want them to wonder why I’m not there. It’s not that I don’t want to go, but I’d rather just sit at the house in my nightgown and eat cookies. I feel so fucking fat and ugly. Brian and Justin flew down from Toronto last night to spend the day with the Pittsburgh family, so I’d better be there, too.

Justin recalled his interaction with Daphne that day, the last Christmas they would ever have together. He and Brian gave her a day pass at a local spa, which she had been very happy to receive. Justin didn’t know if she ever used it. Daphne had looked fantastic in a green empire waist dress with black leggings and ankle boots. Everyone fawned over her, telling her what a beautiful pregnant woman she made and rubbing her big belly. She ate up the attention, laughing and smiling. There had been no outward indication that anything was wrong in her life. Apparently she had gotten a lot of practice acting like all was perfect.

Daphne had gotten better at keeping up with her diary after Christmas, but the entries mostly just contained more sad statements about her crumbling marriage and worry over possibly having to raise Keegan alone.

Several pages later was the last entry made on the day Justin’s world would be changed forever. Daphne wrote it just a few hours before her death.

1/16/16 - I can’t take this shit anymore. Curtis is practically flaunting what he’s doing in my face. He leaves his chats open on his phone and laptop. He used to have passwords on his devices but stopped using them at some point. I spent a few hours yesterday while he was at work reading his Hangouts chats. He has a girlfriend named Amanda, his intern. He told her he doesn’t want to adopt my son. He plans to divorce me after Keegan is born. Finding out he’s sterile hurt his manhood, and she strokes his ego constantly. They sext a lot and it’s gross. I wrote a new will a couple days ago leaving nearly everything to Keegan. I don’t want that cheating bastard to have anything of mine if I happen to die before we are divorced, including my son. I wish I could leave our house to someone other than him but it’s legally half his. I hand wrote the will since I read online it doesn’t have to be witnessed if it’s handwritten. I’ll have a lawyer look at it later and make it more official. I’ve already packed a suitcase to take with me today. I can come back to get the rest of my things later. I’m going to Britin and telling Justin and Brian everything. Hopefully I can stay in their guest house until I find something permanent. I can’t stay with Curtis anymore, it hurts too much to have him make a fool of me. I’d rather raise my son alone than have him grow up thinking that this is the way you treat people.

Justin closed the small hardback notebook and held it against his chest. He imagined Daphne putting that very notebook into her storage box, picking up Curtis’s cell phone from the nightstand, and confronting him with his chats with Amanda, proof of his affair. He was proud that Daphne had finally stood up for herself after all those months of suffering, but her victory had been short lived.


You must login (register) to review.