CHAPTER 15 – REALITY BITES

BROWNSTONE – SUNDAY EVENING

JENNY’S BEDROOM

                “May I come in?”  Mom calls through the door.

                “Yep.”

She comes in trying not to smile too much. 

                “May I see them?”

I shyly show her the emails and she really, and I mean, really, tries not to go aww!

                “Okay so what do you want to say to him?  Ignoring the last email about why you’re not talking to him.”

        “I’m not sure.  Just tell him about my every day stuff, like say what I did today and the art show at the end of the month?”

        “Perfect.  Want me to leave?”

        “No!  I mean, can…can you read what I say before I send it?” 

        “What are moms for if not to fan the flames of first love…?”

        “Mom!”

I shriek and throw the pillow at her.

BRITIN – MONDAY MID-MORNING

JUSTIN’S STUDIO

        “You finished being a princess now?  How’s your ass?”  Brian smirks at me.

I scowl and ignore him.  I sulked all of last night.  I even went as far as leaving early and calling a separate car for myself and staying in a separate room.  He didn’t come to find me so yeah pissed at that too.

He sighs and turns off the music and takes the paintbrush out of my hand.

        “What the f...mmmph!”

His hands are in my hair and his tongue is chasing mine, I want to be mad, I really want to be mad but…oh but my legs aren’t listening to my inner princess and are wrapping themselves round his waist, my hands are tangled in the back of his head stroking the nape of his neck.  He’s picked me up and pulled me into his chest and is now lapping at my neck just at the pulse point.  He puts me on the table and lifts his head.

        “What’s this about?  I’ve spanked you before so it’s not that…”

        “Why then?”  I ask in a small voice my head pressed against his chest.

        “Justin, you knew it was coming…as for why on the way, simple because I wanted to, I enjoyed it and you did too.  I loved hearing you squeal into the cushion and feel you rutting on my lap.  Then watching you squirm every time you tried to find a comfortable spot.  Do you have any idea how hard I was and all I wanted to do was make love you all the way home and then all night…”

        “You wanted to fuck me that’s different...”  I mumble.

        “No, I wanted to make love to my fiancé but he was too busy being a princess and to be honest I was fucked off when you went home first and I knew if I came to find you then I would’ve warmed your ass some more...”

I nuzzle his neck and wrap my legs tighter round him.

                “I’m an idiot.”  I mumble.

                “Yeah my idiot, you twat.”

BLOOM GALLERY

SYDNEY’S OFFICE

I look across my desk at Lindsay and although she is trying to hide it I can tell she’s annoyed.

                “So…”

                “No let me start Lindsay, I must apologise for not telling you about the upcoming shows that was a disservice on my part…”

                “Thank you and now that we have got that cleared up.  How are we going to split the cover for these shows, obviously I want to…”

                “Lindsay, don’t think my apology for not notifying you absolves you of your duties as gallery manager.  I know, before you say anything…that you want to show your support for Justin.  And whilst that is admirable it is entirely unnecessary, Justin has made it, with what little help you gave him, he has made it.   So now it is time to champion another artist and afford them and Martine your magic touch…hmmm?”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so furious but she’s containing it, just about, she jerks her head and leaves my office, practically grinding her heels into my parquet flooring.

                “Oh Lindsay!”  I call out.

She returns with a glacial smile on her face.

                “I look forward to hosting all the events with you…just like old times.”

                “Me too…I look forward to it too.” 

CHASE HAROLD & DRAPER

MEL’S OFFICE

                “Hi Zee, its Mel, you good?”

I chuckle as I can hear her snapping at Faal to put the spoon down or she will take it to his ass.

                “Listen I spoke to Emily…oh okay.”

                “Okay you are on speaker, but before you say anything don’t.  Faal for the love of all things holy including your balls put the fucking spoon down!  Sorry about that Mel just tell us how bad but not what she…seriously you speak to her…”

                “Mel its Faal.  Ouch hey no hitting the husband on his Ferragamo jeans!  Yeah so you’ve spoken to Emily but we think we should say something after the show, because if you tell us now…hold on, mmm, oh I think needs more salt…if you tell us now we will tell Brian and he will tell Justin and he’s already stressed out.”

                “So how bad…seriously more salt even with parmesan, well of course there’s going to be parmesan the clue is in the title of the dish…sorry Mel, okay let’s get out of the kitchen as we are getting distracted, I swear to God you are on the couch in another country if that goes in your mouth!”

I wait for a few minutes and hear her telling him to go ahead before there’s the sound of the door closing.

                “Right we are back where there’s no food distractions.  So how bad?”  Zee asks.

                “Bad...about an 8 out of 10.  And I agree tell them after.  Look I have to go to court in 20 minutes so I shall leave you to your cooking…”

I giggle as the last thing I heard was Zee shouting at Faal that if he even touches that pot she will cut his balls off and stuff them in his ears so he won’t be able to hear himself screaming.

KINNETIC

TED’S OFFICE

                “Thank you Mr Grange that has been most interesting.”

                “What is?”

I jump up at the sound of Brian’s voice.

                “Jesus holy fuck Brian!  Don’t do that!”

He smirks and comes inside closing the door behind him.

                “So what’s interesting?”

                “Whilst the business of Red Cape Comics has been audited it would appear that Michael Novotny has not been…”

                “Theodore…”

                “What?  It is my duty as an accounting citizen to ensure that…”

                “Theodore, I had no idea that underneath that mild mannered boring exterior lurked a maelstrom of mendacity, fuck me I have got to spend less time with Faal…”

I contemplate the look of real contentment on his face, I know Lindsay and idiot-twat-wanker-boy…seems I have got to spend less time with Faal too…are causing him issues but it is nothing that we as a family can’t handle, but he really does look content and happy genuinely happy.

                “Enough of the warm fuzzies Theodore, I have a company to run and you have an idiot to make miserable, let’s go to it.”

                “Sure thing boss!”

                “Ted, thank you for talking me down.”

                “Thought we were done with the warm fuzzies.” 

He grins and shuts the door as he leaves.

                “You’re welcome Bri.”  I whisper.

BRITIN – WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON

JUSTIN’S STUDIO

LYDIA

                “Oh my God Justin, I knew you had talent but these are incredible.  When did you finish these?”

                “Tuesday morning, inspiration struck me.”

Hunter snorts and then coughs as I glare at him, Justin turns and looks at him.

                “Something you want to share Hunter?”  He asks.

                “Nothing, not a thing.”  He mutters.

I take a breath, I know he’s given permission but I have never seen them.

                “So…um…Lust and Kiss may I see them?”

He smiles shyly and pulls them out.  And my breath stops.

                “Holy fuck.  I’m sorry I didn’t…”

                “Which is exactly what we did before he painted them…”

I whirl round at the voice and am faced with the man in the metaphorical mirror.

                “Brian!”  Justin groans going red.

                “You must be Lydia Glendale, I have heard nice things about you.  I’m Brian, Brian Kinney, Justin’s fiancé”

He extends his hand and I shake it, then I notice he appears to have a stole on.  I know its January and it can get chilly but a fur stole?

                “Holy shit that’s alive!” 

I cry as the “stole” opens its eyes and then slithers down his body, making its way to the futon where Hunter is sitting.

                “Hey Lilah.”  He coos scratching her behind her ears resulting in an extremely loud purr.

                “I-uh-I sorry I’m not normally so inarticulate but you were wearing a cat…”

He chuckles before pulling Justin into his arms for a kiss.  I don’t know where to look and Hunter seems unfazed and continues to pet Lilah.

                “Ahem, so Justin, I hate to interrupt but the show…”

                “See you downstairs.”  Brian says and leaves a slightly dazed looking Justin behind.

                “Hey earth to Justin!”  Hunter calls out.

                “Sorry Lydia, you were saying?”  He’s talking to me but looking at the door.

I gather my things and tap Hunter with my foot.

                “I’m saying that we are done here and we’ll talk later.” 

As we head outside to my car I turn to Hunter.

                “Are they…”

                “Yep.”

                “Jesus.”

SHADYSIDE – FRIDAY MORNING

MICHAEL

                “Michael Novotny Bruckner speaking.”

                “Ah good morning sir, my name is Schenk, Tobias Schenk from the IRS, you are due an audit and I wanted to schedule a time for that.”

I stare at the phone in bewilderment.

                “An audit…”

                “Yes, so we are scheduling you for next Monday at 1000, we will be auditing you for the last 5 years, please confirm your residential address.”

                “I don’t understand…”

                “I need to know your residential address so that I can come to your house to carry out a personal audit, is that clearer for you sir?”

                “But I thought the IRS only do business audits…”

                “Oh no we could audit the president if we wanted to…not that we would but we hold it as an option.  Ha-ha a little IRS humour there.”

I mumble my address and a few minutes later hang up.  They are going to audit me for the last five fucking years! 

CARNEGIE MELLON

BEN’S OFFICE

BEN

It’s a great day.  I’ve got the afternoon free and clear after the colleague I was going to cover for came in, so I’m packing up my desk and heading home. 

                “Ben!”

My heart sinks, so much for my great day.

                “Michael, what do you want?” 

I keep walking lengthening my stride in the hopes that him trying to keep up, would stop him from talking until I could get into my car and drive away.

                “I need…need to talk…talk to…can you slow down a minute!”

                “Nope, no can do have an appointment, which I’m already late for.”

Another 5 feet just another 5 feet, time to speed and lengthen speed and lengthen.  I reach my car and open the door, swiftly sliding in and shutting it firmly on whatever he wants to talk about and lock it.  I do the universal sign for call me and drive away leaving him yelling in the car park before I see him run to his car.  As I turn out of the parking lot, I take another sharp right and, yes quite frankly, hide behind an 18 wheeler.

I hear a tapping on my window and cringe, but am relieved to find it isn’t him, I wind it down.

                “He turned left…”

                “Pardon?”

                “Was in the car park just now, was waiting for my boy.  I was watching you run from the little man, he turned left so you can be on your way now.”

                “Thanks.”

                “Oh apparently he’s being audited on Monday and needs paperwork from you.”

I smile at my saviour and drive away.

BROWNSTONE – FRIDAY EVENING

LINDZ

                “I’m so fucking furious Mel!”

I’ve been pacing the lounge for the last 30 minutes having told her about the week from hell Sydney has put me through.  Apart from helping that whelp with the cataloguing again, I’ve had to prepare for the three shows for next week.

                “Honey, why are you mad about this, you’ve done this before…”

                “Why because he treats me like a slave!  Three shows next week…three!”

                “Okay so Monday and Tuesday are going to be tough.  But you get evenings off on Wednesday and Thursday so you…”

                “Don’t placate me Mel!  That’s exactly what he said!”

                “Okay you really need to stop yelling at me for something that is not my fault.  This is what you signed up for so suck it up buttercup!  Are you sure this isn’t because you can’t bask in the glory of being the person who found the great Justin Taylor…”

                “Don’t be ridiculous!  I just wanted to see the show that’s all.  And lend my support to…”

                “He doesn’t need your support Lindz.  Face it, he doesn’t need you.”

I can’t think of anything to say to that so elect to storm into the kitchen for more wine, uncaring that I splashed some on the rug.

BEN & HUNTER’S – SATURDAY MORNING

BEN

                “I swear to God if that is Michael, you will need to call me a fucking lawyer!”

I pull on my sweatpants and robe and head downstairs.  I wrench the door open and am surprised to see Jenny.

                “Hey sweetheart, what’s wrong everything okay?”

She’s shifting from foot to foot and looking embarrassed.  Mel comes up the path grinning.

                “Morning Ben, how are you?  May we come in?”

I step back and they make themselves comfortable on the sofa, Mel is still smiling, so I’m figuring it is not a bad thing.

                “Do you need a lawyer?”  Steve calls down.

                “No, it’s Mel and Jenny.”  I call back up.

                “Oh okay, give me five minutes.  Can you put the coffee on?”

                “Sure, uh Mel you want coffee, Jenny I have some peach juice do you want that?”

They both nod and true to his word, he comes down and kisses them both hello before settling down in the armchair, I bring out the tray and wait for them to speak.

                “So…”

                “So, um there’s um…”  Jenny starts then trails off looking imploringly at Mel who shakes her head.

                “Let me help you out here, it will give us some practice for Taylor…there’s this boy I like and his name is…”  Steve prompts.

I try not to beam about the fact he thinks I will still be part of Taylor’s life when she starts to date.

                “Hank.  Hank Cameron as in…”

                “Dr David Cameron’s son?  So what’s the…oh I see what the problem is going to be.”  I bite the inside of my lip.  “I take it dad doesn’t know yet?”

                “No, but I will have to tell him before next Friday.”  She goes even redder.

                “What’s happening next Fri…you have a date?  Isn’t that the night of Justin’s show?”

                “Seems that Charles is a big Justin Taylor fan and when she mentioned to Hank about the show he mentioned it to dad and dad mentioned it to him and et voila they are up next weekend and he asked to go for a lunch pizza date on the Saturday…”

                “Oh that’s good right?”  I’m confused.

                “For a professor you are remarkably dense Ben.  What time is it and where?”  Steve asks her.

Jenny lets out the breath she’s been holding and gives him the details and beams at us before flinging her arms round us both and pulling her mom out the door.

                “Uh what?”

Steve drops a kiss on my head and pulls me to my feet.  I’m still standing there when he returns from putting the tray away and let him lead me back to bed.

                “Chaperoning.  As in we will be from a discreet distance next Saturday.”

                “Oh.  Oh!”

                “Nice of you to join us!”  He teases.

BRITIN - LUNCHTIME

BRIAN

                “Would you stop wriggling, I can get them out if you keep wriggling.”

I currently have Justin across my lap and a pair of tweezers in my hand and some ointment.

                “We are never, ouch!  Never fucking on that again!  Ow Brian for fuck sake!”

                “I told you to keep still!  And of course we will it’s the perfect height but I agree we need to either get it sanded or cover it with something other than your ass…”

I’m trying not to laugh at the indignant expression on his face, it’s not fun for him, having splinters.  He buries his face in his arms.

                “How many more?”  He mumbles crossly.

                “About seven oh maybe eight, unless that’s a freckle…”

                “I hate you.”

                “I know.”

I lean down and place kiss in the middle of his back and he sighs quietly.

SHADYSIDE

MICHAEL

An audit how the fuck am I being audited this is so unfair!  I have spent the last few days gathering all the paperwork I need.  I have to go to see Ben so he can provide his documentation so I head out.  By the time I get there I see Steve leaving and watch them kiss goodbye.  I roll my eyes as his stud muffin breaks off the kiss only to kiss him again, I’ve had enough of this.

                “When you’ve quite finished sucking face with my husband I would like to talk to him!”  I growl.

                “Soon to be ex-husband and not sucking face, this is what grown-ups call kissing.  And he’s very good.”

                “Why thank you so very much Mr Smart…you live up to your name.  You’re meeting us there tomorrow right?”

                “Uh huh, look I will speak to you later.  Bye.”

                “Bye.”

                “Finally.  How can you disrespect me like this flaunting that in my face!”

                “It would be flaunting if I came to your house and, as you so childishly put it, sucked face in front of you but you are here outside my house.  And how dare you talk about disrespect after…you know what fuck it…why?”

                “Why what?”  I demand

                “Are you here, what do you want?”

                “Two things.  We’re being audited on Monday so I need your side of the paperwork and I want to…”

                “No we are not.  I was audited last summer and got the all clear…”

                “You were audited why didn’t you say?”

He rolls his eyes at me and goes to close the door.

                “Ben wait the second thing I want to talk to you about…”

Before I can continue the phone rings, he holds up a finger and closes the door.  After 5 minutes he comes back.

                “Oh that reminds me, when did you change the landline, I need that number from you.”

                “What for?  You have my mobile, so just leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m able.  Now if you’ll excuse me I have a busy weekend ahead of me, goodbye Michael.”

I wait for him to return to his car before I shut the door and then I wait another 5 minutes and then head across to Eli and Monty’s.

                “Hi Ben, they’re on the side.”  Eli smiles and lets me inside

                “Thanks Eli.” 

I grab Monty’s keys before I make my way out back to their garage and away.  I can’t thank him enough, he called when Michael was raving on the doorstep and offered me the car to get away from him if I wanted…as long I dropped it off for Monty…what, as Hunter would say, a top dude.

MICHAEL

I watched him go inside Eli’s house and he hasn’t come out yet.  Well I’m going to wait it out as I want to talk to him about the divorce too.  After about an hour he’s still not come back out, just then Monty’s car pulls up so I dash across to catch up with him.

                “Michael.”  Monty’s not exactly pleased to see me.

                “May I speak to Ben?” 

He looks confused.

                “Why are you asking my permission for this?”  He shoves his hands in his pockets.

                “He’s in your house with Eli…”

                “No he’s not…”

                “He is I saw him go in.”  I protest.

                “Michael.  Ben dropped my car off earlier and went wherever it is he needed to be.  Now I’m going to do the same and enjoy the rest of my weekend with my husband.”

With that he opens the door and shuts it firmly in my face.  I’m so fucking pissed off that I kick at their fence. 

I decide to go to the diner as all that waiting made me hungry.

DINER

CARL

                “Okay so I have all the parts we need, we just have a hearty meal and then back to work.  No salad or stuff like that we need carbs!”

Jenny giggles into her milkshake and moves closer to me taking my hand, holding it tight whilst we wait for our to-go order.

                “You okay sweetheart?”

                “Yeah, you are the greatest grandpa in the world.”

                “Thank you Jenny.  I, um, appreciate that.”  I clear my throat. 

                “Allergies?”  She whispers.

I just nod and squeeze her hand tighter.

                “Honeybun, Carl what are you guys doing here?”

                “Lunch date.”  I tell him.

                “Oh I’ll join you.”  He decides, doesn’t asks just decides

                “No sorry, ours is to go.  But maybe I could meet you tomorrow for breakfast?”  She suggests.

                “Yeah that would be great, shall we meet here say 1000?”

                “No, let’s meet at yours so then I can go straight to Britin for lunch then?  That would work wouldn’t it grandpa, you could drop me off and then come get me right?”

                “Of course, but I think as usual there will be the service provided but let’s check with Brian first okay?”

She nods and grabs the order from Kiki and after shouting bye to her dad we are off.

MICHAEL

I manage to grab a table and hope that Kiki doesn’t serve me and for once luck is on my side as ma comes over.

                “Hey Michael how are you today, did I hear right you and Jenny are meeting for breakfast tomorrow before lunch?”

                “Yeah, which reminds me I must do some shopping.  I’m a bit bummed if I’m honest.”

I hear a snort from Kiki.

                “What’s happened now?”  Ma looks so resigned and a little pissed off.

                “I’m being audited by the IRS on Monday.”

                “And…”

                “Isn’t that enough?”

                “No.  Michael people get audited all the time, hell Ben got audited last year and he didn’t moan about it, as long as you have all your papers up straight then it won’t be a problem…”

                “How do you know about Ben being audited?” 

                “He came to Carl for advice as he’d been audited a few months before.  And he got a big fat check as well!”

                “Ben did?  He never said anything!  That’s another…”

                “Not Ben, Carl.  We put it in our retirement fund, it is looking pretty healthy right now!  So what’ll it be?”

                “Just my usual.”

                “Just your usual what?”  Kiki’s voice cuts through our conversation.

                “Kiki…”

                “No Deb he has to start somewhere and it starts with you.  Just your usual what Michael?” 

I glower at her and fold my arms.

                “Fine, Deb’s we’re swapping sections.  I’m more than willing to let him wait or go elsewhere.”

I look meaningfully at ma and then in surprise as she slowly gets up and walks to Kiki’s section.

                “So what will it be manners or leaving?”  Kiki asks tapping her notepad.

BROWNSTONE – SATURDAY EVENING

WALK IN

JENNY

I can’t believe that by this time next week, everything crossed, I’ll have seen Hank again.  And even if that doesn’t happen, I won’t be too bothered, well I will be, but Aunt Daph will be here to cheer me up and even better mom said I can wear Prada to Uncle Justin’s show.  I’m so glad I’m not going to be a waitress now.

                “Hey Jenny what are you doing down here?”  Momma asks.

                “Oh sorting out mom’s clothes for the week.  It’s our thing now.  And I won’t have time to do it tomorrow what with going to meet dad for breakfast before we go to lunch.”

Momma sighs and then takes out a jumper.

                “Oh this will be perfect.”  She murmurs.

                “Uh momma, where are you going with that?”

                “I’m taking it…”

                “It won’t fit you.”  I point out a little bluntly and cringe.

                “It will there’s plenty of give in it and…”

                “Sorry but there’s no give in Gucci or Prada and please stop pulling at it, you’ll stretch out the shape.” 

I gripe taking it out of her hands and gently pushing the fabric back into its original shape before hanging it back up. 

                “Jenny Rebecca, I don’t appreciate the way you just spoke to me, you need to watch your tone young lady!” 

I was about to apologise when I spot mom in the doorway, she signals me to shush and gives a slight shake of her head.

                “Momma, there was nothing wrong with my tone, I was not being rude to you, you were taking something that didn’t belong to you and you’ve always said that that’s wrong…”

                “I was not taking I was borrowing there is a difference and again watch your tone.  Now give me that jumper”

I take a deep breath and take her outstretched hand.

                “Then if that’s the case ask mom first.”

                “I don’t need to ask your mom if I can borrow her clothes…”

                “Actually you do especially these clothes and everything else in this room.”

Mom steps into the room and momma whirls round to face her.

                “Mel how, how long have you been h-here?” 

                “From ‘nothing wrong with my tone’, which by the way she’s right about as she was with everything else she said.  And that jumper won’t fit you.”

I look between the two of them and was about to make my way out, when mom stopped me.

                “Honey you carry on, your momma and I have something we need to discuss upstairs.  Lindz after you.”

LOUNGE

LINDZ

                “How dare you undermine me in front of Jenny Rebecca like that?!”

                “I didn’t undermine you, you were trying to take something that you shouldn’t and she called you out on it.  First Gus at Christmas and now Jenny…”

                “What are you talking about?”

                “Correct everyone’s behaviour except mine…remember that mixed message we discussed a week or so ago?”

                “You are being ridiculous Mel, we should present a united front when it concerns the children that way they can’t separate and destroy…”

                “I’m united with you as long as you are united with me.  Now excuse me I’m going downstairs to see what outfits our daughter has pulled together and if you ask her nicely she can pull stuff from your wardrobe for you, she has a good eye for someone who spends most of her evenings skidding around on her knee pads and bashing other teens into walls.”

I glower at her retreating back and grab my phone, I need to vent.

                “Michael it’s me Lindz…”

BROWNSTONE – SUNDAY MORNING

JENNY

                “Momma, mom, Gus the car’s here!”  I yell and grab my stuff.

I dash to the car and climb in, hugging grandpa and grandma, I quickly look to see if they are coming.

                “Looking forward to breakfast with your dad honey?”  Grandma asks

I nod and press the intercom button.

                “Can you beep the horn please?”

                “Sure thing Jenny.”

                “Graham!  Oh great, are you still coming to the game?”

                “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

                “Can I sit up front?”  I ask grandma and she nods.

I scramble into the front seat and beep the horn again and finally they come out.  Gus is glowering at me and I get a text to say payback is coming, I quickly text back that I had to suffer last night he suffers this morning.  Gus had spent the night at the loft with Hunter and Matt for boy’s night…AKA getting away from momma sulking.

SHADYSIDE

MICHAEL

Finally she’s here.  I watch as she comes out of the car and waves them off before coming to the front door.

                “Honeybun!  Why don’t you use your key?” 

                “I don’t have one remember, you didn’t give it to me yet.  So what’s for breakfast?”

She dumps her bag on the floor and heads to the kitchen.

                “Why’s all this stuff here?” 

She points at the piles of papers.

                “I’m being audited tomorrow.”

                “Oh.  Well as long as you are as prepared as papa then you’ll be fine.” 

I stare at her in amazement as she settles down at the counter.

                “You knew about that?”

                “Sure I was there when he was asking grandpa about it…not sure where you were though.  So what’s for breakfast?”

I take out the bacon and sausage and ask her how she wants her eggs.  We talk about school and how she’s enjoying it and about her friends.

                “So what are you up to?”

                “What do you mean?”

                “Well now you don’t have the store what do you do all the time?  You can come watch me practice?

                “Practice what?”

                “Dad for the big game next weekend.  The final.”

                “Ah about that, your momma and I have been talking…”

BRITIN – LUNCHTIME

KITCHEN

ALICE

                “You can’t be serious?  But…but this is my kitchen, let me repeat my kitchen.” 

I’m staring at Zee and Faal incredulously with my hands on my hips.

                “You have to judge and you can’t judge if you’ve already been tasting…”  Zee argues

I look at George for support but he’s already picking up the clipboards and heading to the lounge.  I harrumph loudly and toss my head in the air and stalk after him.

                “It would be more believable if you weren’t smiling Alice!”

                “Emmy Lou hush or I take my spoon to you!”  I call back.

EMMY LOU

                “Okay partner are you ready for this?”

Zee nods and we head to the dining room where everything is laid out.

                “We need to wait for Jenny she should be here…”

And right on time the door is opened and in she comes and she looks mad.

                “What’s happened now?”  Zee mumbles and we follow Jenny to the lounge.

JENNY

                “Momma may I have a word in private?”

                “Why?  We don’t have secrets here, whatever you want to say can be said in front of everyone.”

                “Okay.  Why are you and dad saying I can’t do roller derby anymore?”

                “I-I uh well, we think that it’s too physical and violent and…”

                “It has nothing to do with me calling you out yesterday or me selling that action figure that brought on this sudden change of mind?”

                “Of course not, you’re being ridiculous.  And childish.  And as the parents…”

                “Then how come it was okay in Canada and through all the games to the final but suddenly I have to give it up?”

Momma clears her throat and looks round the very quiet room.

                “As I was saying as the parents, we feel…”

                “Momma I am not giving it up.  If you don’t like the physicality and violence, which again was fine in Canada, then don’t come to practice or the games and I’ve told dad that too.  It’s up to you both.  I’ve signed up for next season with the team and I’m going to honour my commitment.”

The room remains silent for a while.

                “Well it will be a shame for you to not have us there but if that’s the way you want it then so be it.” 

                “Fine.  Now that’s sorted can I do anything to help?  I’m dying to see what’s for eats!”

I beam at everyone and drag Aunt Zee and Auntie Em back to the dining room, trying not to think of the telling off I will be getting when we get home.  Uncle George calls me back and hands me the clipboards with a wink.

LOUNGE

CARL

                “Well personally, I think you two are going to miss one hell of a game next weekend.  She’s one hell of a jammer and quick too.  But if that kind of thing makes you squeamish then hey you do what you need to do.”

I look at George who looks ready to toss her ass out again.

                “We are doing a messy fest afterwards at the Treehouse.  The entire team, with hopefully the trophy, then us lot and of course…”  Faal tells us

                “Messy fest?”  Brian looks worried.  “I’m not sure I like the sound of that, it sound riddled with calories.”

                “It is.  There’s sloppy joes, catfish, fried chicken, ribs basically anything that could be eaten with your fingers.  Except the seafood chowder, but technically it is with your fingers as it’s in a mug with her…”

                “Okay come taste the menu for Friday?”  Jenny yells from the dining room.

DINING ROOM

BRIAN

As we all file in we are handed a clipboard and pen, I’m still not happy with the idea of the messy fest I think I will stick to the catfish and…what the hell have they done, Justin is never going to leave the buffet table!

                “Right ladies and gentlemen.  These are the canapés for Friday night, what we want you to do is to be brutally honest about the taste, the presentation and just everything.  There are wines to go with them, but we will rely on Faal and Brian tell us if they work or not once the final dishes have been decided.  These are just the room temperature ones, the bowl/hot food will come after and then desserts…so as Zee would say, have at it.”

I look down at my clipboard and start to read the menu but then have to hustle Justin as he stops and takes three of each every time.  In the end Faal gets fed up with the logjam and tells Justin if he doesn’t take just one of each and start writing he will handcuff him to the sink.

We are feasting on tuna and salmon tartare in a lettuce cup with ginger and ‘green sauce’; bruschetta with avocado and pea spread and spiced tomatoes; chilled pea and mint soup; vegetable crystal rolls with enoki mushrooms; beef carpaccio with fennel slaw; quail scotch eggs and finally beef and beer loaf.

                “Okay thoughts?”  Zee puts two jars on the table, one labelled Emmy Lou and one labelled Zee.

                “I think the tuna and salmon should be on one of those oriental soup spoons with the flat bottom and the lettuce finely chopped at least there’s no danger of it collapsing on the way to people’s mouths.”  Tucker suggests.

Emmy Lou puts $20 in Zee’s jar. 

                “And less chilli in the green sauce.”  Carl calls out.

Scowling she puts $20 in his jar.

                “I didn’t think any of it would be suitable for a gallery showing because…”  Lindz begins

                “Well since you’re not going to be there it doesn’t matter.”  Jennifer cut her off.

                “No, it’s okay why wouldn’t it be suitable Lindz?”  Emmy Lou asks

                “Well I just think that with Justin’s abstract art the food would clash…”

                “No, no it wouldn’t I think this is perfect, who did the food?” 

We all turn in surprise to see another person in the doorway having not heard the door go

                “Sorry I’m late.  This looks delicious.  I’m Lydia Glendale, I will be co-hosting with Hunter.  He thought it would be a good idea for me to come and see the food because and I quote ‘anything they cook I eat so I need you to make sure I get it right as I don’t want to mess up my first hosting’ did I get that word perfect?”  She smiles at Hunter who nods and gives a small smile.

                “Right let me…”

                “Lydia, I’m Lyndsey, Lyndsey Petersen I work at the Bloom Gallery and discovered Justin, and it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

                “Ah Lyndsey, Sydney has told me all about you and how you are mentoring my niece, Martine, I would’ve had her at Uptown but I didn’t want to be accused of nepotism.  I look forward to reports on her progress.  Now if you could excuse me I really do need to play catch up…”

And true to her word she makes her way quickly through the food and gives her opinion and after about 20 minutes Emmy Lou has more money than Zee, but she’s not pouting too much.

Then the bowl/hot dishes arrive…pulled duck buns with plum sauce on the side and inside, mac and cheese, mini lamb ribs with mint sauce and dirty rice, jerk and peach sriracha chicken wings, Thai fishcakes, soft shell crab with pickled salad and rice and apple rostis with crispy chicken skin.

Zee easily wins the most money although Emmy did win with the plum sauce on the side and the peach as opposed to jerk wings.

Desserts are a mixture of chocolate and citrus puddings and mini cocktail jellies and they broke even with that.

                “So have we made a choice and because you can’t serve all of them…”

I hear Justin whimper and he tugs on my sleeve and looks imploringly at me, I kiss the tip of his nose and shake my head.

                “So we have to cut one from each of the cold and the hot/bowl food, so which is it?”

                “From hot maybe the fishcakes as we have the crab and from the cold the soup?”  Debs suggests.

                “Hang on a minute…where’s the pork mille feuille?”  Faal demands.

                “Got cut took too long to plate but…”  Zee starts

Justin and Faal look at each other in despair.  Suddenly Alice clears her throat from the door way and brings in another dish.

                “We can put it back but we lose two hot and one cold.”  Zee grins at their delighted expressions.

In the end we lose the rosti, the soup and the mac and cheese and then Faal and I choose the wine and Emmy Lou hands Zee another $20.

                “Excuse me Brian uh Justin, is there somewhere Hunter and I could go to practice his talk, thought this might be a good opportunity since I’m here?”  Lydia asks.

                “Oh sure, why don’t we go to my studio I have the pictures on slides so we can do a rough walk around?”

                “Perfect.”

                “Come on my fellow host show me what you’ve got.”

                “I would love to hear your talk Hunter, after all I won’t be there…”

                “No offence Lindsay but I would rather do this with just them.  You understand right?”

Her expression is far from understanding but she smiles and nods nevertheless.

                “Okay so that’s all that sorted, let’s go relax.”

As I start to herd them out so that Zee and Emmy Lou can clean up, I hear Mel mutter to Lindz.

                “Guess you won’t be lording it over Martine anymore hmm?”

MONDAY MORNING

SHADYSIDE

MICHAEL

I’m pacing nervously as the Tobias Schenk goes through my paperwork.

                “Excuse me Mr Novotny, there is a discrepancy here?”

I quickly take a seat.

                “Red Cape Comics was your store in 2012 is that correct?”

I nod.

                “Well you had a cash injection of $150K but immediately withdrew $75K from that business account and into your personal account, why was that not reported?”

                “Uh, well it was just a simple transfer on a loan from a friend from my business to my personal account I didn’t think I would have to report that…”

                “Oh I see and who is this friend?”

                “Brian Kinney, he runs Kinnetic Inc.”

                “I see, well unfortunately, you are incorrect in this instance as the loan amount was above the threshold you should’ve reported it so you will have to pay tax on that, if you had left it in your business this wouldn’t have been the case.  Shame really.” 

                “And how much do you think that will be?” 

                “Let me give you a rough amount at the end hmmm?”

For the next three hours he goes through everything asking me numerous questions, I can feel the sweat trickling down my back.

                “So, now that this is finished, I would say that you owe roughly, $22,000 in back taxes for the last 5 years.”

                “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me?!”

                “No, the IRS never joke about money that it is owed.  Never.  An official letter will be sent with the actual amount but you will be given time to pay obviously we aren’t total vampires…ha-ha.”

                “You’ll also have to send a letter to my husband he will be paying half.”

                “Oh and why is that?”

                “He’s my husband.”

                “Yes but this money was in your account not your husband’s so your husband owes nothing, unless you can prove that he benefited in some way.  Now I have to be go…oh damn I’m sorry.”

He has knocked over a pile of post as he gathers it up he pauses.

                “Pardon my intrusion, but are you in the middle of a divorce?”

                “Well his lawyers have been sending me letters for months, I’ve been ignoring them, but we are going to work things out why?”

He hands me the latest envelope from the lawyers and another one from the Alleghany Court of Common Pleas.

                “I would open these if I were you.  Good day to you sir.”

After he leaves I open them…and find out that I am now divorced.