CHAPTER 8 – ITS CHRISTMAS…TIME FOR GOODWILL TO ALL MANKIND…ALMOST

SHADYSIDE RESIDENCE – 23 DECEMBER 2014

MICHAEL

I have seen David a couple of times now and both times he has ignored me.  Joshua has started to ignore me as well.  I was merely telling the truth as I saw it.

I think I will head into town and get some presents, I will drop them off at Britin and hopefully I get to stay for more than lunch. 

DINER - LUNCHTIME

KIKI

My Little Miss Jenny is back where she belongs as is my other favourite lady Daphne.  Almost the entire group is here, we’ve had to put them in three booths.  We had to corral Debbie into the middle one as she was so excited when she saw them all, though Miss SuckyLemonFace doesn’t look happy.  I suspect the goo-goo eyes she is making at Faal that are being ignored might the reason. 

                “Okay we are ready.  Are we ready?”  I look to the waiters and they nod.

                “So what will it be?”

About an hour later the food is ready. 

DEBS

                “So what’s the plan for today?”

                “Shopping of course what do you think?”  Daph giggles.

                “Some people have embraced modern technology and have shopped online.”  Brian drawls.

                “And some people like the thrill of the hunt and finding those little cute bargains!”  She snarks back.

                “Aunt Daph are you still going to do my toes like last time?”  Jenny asks.

                “Yes I will and your fingers too.”

                “Daddy?”  Taylor whispers a bit too loudly, which means everyone pays attention.

                “Yes?”

                “Can I still get Uncle Ben a present?”

                “Yes you can.”

                “Even the…”

                “Taylor, if you say it, then it won’t be a surprise.”  Steve tells her going bright red.

                “Oh right.  Um daddy?”  She asks again

                “Yes.”  He groans like he knows what’s coming.

                “Can I tell him about your present?”

                “Um that’s a surprise too.  No more talking about presents okay?”  He begs.

                “Okay daddy and Uncle Ben?”

                “Yes Taylor.”

                “You’ll like daddy’s present not as much as mine but you’ll like it.”

Ah out of the mouths of babes and infants I think.

                “Uh who has my string fries?”  Zee calls out

                “Oh that would be me.”  Blake calls out.

                “You hash browns?”  She asks

                “Yep?”  And they swap.

                “So everyone eat up, I have to…”

The words die on my mouth as Michael comes in and immediately adopts the whipped puppy countenance.  Lindsay naturally leaps up to greet him.

                “Michael how lovely to see you, won’t you join us, we’re going Christmas shopping.”

I can hear Justin saying something to Brian behind me.  Jenny looks at her mom and Mel looks at Lindz.

                “What?  Christmas is a time for family and he’s Jenny’s father and despite what you think is still our dear friend and part of this family?”  She argues.

Room is made so he can sit next to his championing queen.

                “So what are you doing for Christmas Michael?”  Lindz asks. 

I can hear the teeth grinding from all sides

                “I was hoping to see my Honeybun so I can give her the present I bought her?”

                “Is that it in the bag, if so I can wrap it up for you and give it to her then?”  Daph asks.

                “Okay you can come, but the same rules apply as they did for Thanksgiving understand?  We will call a service for you so that there’s no repeat of the last time.  Vince is there to enjoy himself.”

Zee fixes Michael a death glare and he nods quickly.

                “Now just a minute.  How do you get to decide what happens?  Britin has…”  Lindz objects.

                “We’re hosting Christmas at the Treehouse, it’s our first one, which is why I get to make the rules.  Anyone flouting them will be kicked out.”  Zee replies tightly.

The look she gives Lindz could stop a charging rhino.

                “So shopping!”  Ems cries out, I suspect so that he can avoid bloodshed.

TREEHOUSE – CHRISTMAS EVE 2014

ZEE

I head out to the pool and check it.  It is harder than diamond, for the last three days a ditch digger has been sitting for about 4 hours at a time, just to be sure it will take the weight, and it’s going to take forever to thaw out.

Most of the family is here.  The only absentees are Mel and Lindz, they had a bit more last minute shopping to do, so will join us later.

Everyone is in the lounge.

                “Okay Justin remember that thing you wanted that involves rock hard ice?” 

He sits bolt upright and grins.

                “Really!” 

                “Really, grab your skates everyone who wants to.  It’s done.  You can have races and stuff like that.”

We trudge outside and I can see the tension in Matt’s body.

                “I’ve got you.”  Hunter tells him.

                “Come on Matt it will be fine.” 

Jenny says gently and waits patiently for him to do up his skates before they both take a hand and hold on tight.

                “The workshop has been set up so that it’s toasty warm, there’s hot chocolate and cookies so enjoy people!  In about an hour I shall bring out Thai green curried sweetcorn soup with crispy wings on the side.  Have fun!”

I smirk as I head back to the house.  I can just hear the hamsters screaming in Justin’s head as they war between the workshop, the kitchen and the pool.

I bank up the fires in all the rooms and make sure their new PJs are laid out, the only reason Lindz got a pair was because of Mel.

After an hour I head out with the thermoses and wings.  The moment Justin sees me he stops skating.  I head to the workshop, where I was unsurprised to find Brian, Carl, Drew, Debs and Jennifer inside sprawled on the cushions and blankets.

                “No skates in the workshop, you’ll fuck up my floor.”  I tell him sternly.

He’s in a quandary so of course Brian finds the solution.

                “Sit down here and put your feet outside and I’ll take your skates off for you.”

Once that’s done he curls up in Brian’s lap and they happily share the soup and wings. 

I leave them to it and head back to the house.  I love the guys but there is something restful about working alone in your kitchen for me.  I pour myself a glass of wine and look over the menus for the evening and tomorrow, it will definitely be leftovers for Boxing Day.

The door goes and I let in Mel and Lindz.  And judging from the tension yet another row has happened.  I show them to their rooms and let them know where everyone else is, mercifully they both head out there. 

I go through the fridges, the store cupboard and the back kitchen making sure everything is accounted for.  After about 2 hours people start to file in, looking rosy cheeked and happy.

                “Did you tarp it?”  I ask knowing they hadn’t.

                “Shit sorry, boys come on!”  Faal calls out.

When they come back 20 minutes later I hand out mulled wine. 

                “Don’t get comfy we have to decorate the trees.”  I tell them.

                “But the tree is done, I was there and everything.”  Faal hiccups cutely.

                “Yeah but the ones on either side the house and the ones on the front lawn haven’t been”

There is silence, okay maybe this wasn’t a good idea.

                “We get to do trees outside?”  Gus is in awe.  “We don’t even have that at Britin!”  He squeals.

                “We will next year.”  Brian reassures him.

                “Okay I have done the basics, like the lights you just have to do the rest.  There are six trees to be done so you have ooh about 3 hours.  Partners or siblings on opposite sides outside except, Alice, George, Brian, Justin, me and Faal.  Alice and George are the judges and you must not peek outside or upstairs.  Brian, Justin, Faal and I get to do the trees on either side of the house.  Vince and Daph you are on making sure nobody steal decorations duty.”

Just under 3 hours later I hear the clatter and chatter of people coming back in.

                “This has been the most awesomest Christmas Eve ever!”  Jenny grins.

        “Right judges please go view your trees and make your decisions but before you go Decorations Monitors were there any shenanigans that we need know of?”  I intone solemnly garnering giggles.

        “No ma’am the rules of the game were strictly adhered too, we chose to ignore the minor infractions of Taylor biting off Santa’s head and Jenny chomping on a candy cane.”

        “Uncle Vince you’re supposed to be my friend!”  Jenny cries out embarrassed.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Lindz start to object but one death glare from Jennifer is all it took to stop her.

                “Then let the judging commence.”  I declare.

20 minutes later, they come back into the kitchen.

                “In the outside tree decoration of left vs right, we declare the winner, oh wait, the winner is facing the house, the left side.”  Alice intones solemnly.

                In the opposite tree decoration of left vs right, we declare the winner, again facing the house, the right side.”  George officiates.

It takes a few minutes for folks to work out who was on what side.  And bragging rights ensue.  Matt is sulking badly as he hates to lose, Mel is grinning as she and Jenny were on the winning side and Tucker is looking horrified.

                “Tucker what’s wrong?”  I ask.

                “Um can I talk to you in private?”

                “Sure.  We can go in the back…”

                “Somewhere a little more private?”  He hisses

I take him into the office on the atrium.  My eyebrows shoot to the top of my skull and I stare at him.

                “She didn’t!”  I gasp

                “Yep and now I have to…”  He whimpers unconsciously covering.

                “No, no you don’t.  It goes into a mould and then I do the rest but obviously after either you or she do the necessary so that we can get a realistic impression.”

I watch him sag in relief and then we head back to the kitchen and wink at Jennifer.

                “Okay seriously people out of my kitchen, shower time and into your PJs.  Go!” 

They all trudge upstairs except Faal.

                “Up young fellah me lad.”  I tell him firmly.

                “I need you to do my back.”  He mumbles against my neck.

                “Faal go.”

He blows a raspberry on my neck and tromps slowly up the stairs.  I check on the stew and make sure the biscuits aren’t getting too dried out.  When Faal comes down and I leave him in the kitchen I head up and have my shower.

By the time I come down almost everyone is down and in the lounge.  I’m unsurprised to find that Brian and Justin are still upstairs having caught the moaning, we really need to sound proof that room, but am surprised that Mel isn’t down yet and Lindz is lounging on the chaise.

                “Where’s Mel?”  I ask her

                “Still getting ready I guess.”  She flicks her hair at me and then I smell it and I am pissed.

                “Wow Lindz I love the smell of your shampoo, what’s it called?”  I ask

                “Oh I didn’t bring any I found some in a cupboard down…”

                “Hey my lig, can you tell me…mmm you smell delicious you’ve been using my shampoo again.” 

He scoops me back into his chest.

                “Oh that’s not me, that’s Lindz here…”

                “What were you doing in our en suite?”  He demands.

Lindz looks like a deer caught in headlights. 

                “That is a gross invasion of our privacy…”  He growls

                “Faal, stop.  Of course this was a just a simple mistake by Lindsay right.  It’s not as if she was creeping around trying to sneak a peek at you naked right?”  Jennifer puts a comforting hand on his arm.

                “Of…of course not.  I really didn’t mean…”  She stammers.

                “I have a solution to this problem.”  Daphne comes over.

Faal is so furious I can feel him shaking, how I wish Brian was here.  I flick a look at Emmy Lou.

                “Faal what is it that you wanted to ask Zee, I’m sure I can help you.”  He trills.

                “Thanks Emmy.”  I call out counting down from a thousand as fast as I can.

Emmy Lou and Faal head back to the kitchen.

                “Your solution Daph?”  I ask her through gritted teeth.

                “Lindsay just needs to go wash her hair again, I have some shampoo she can use.”

                “But…”

                “I can lower the oven a bit, how long will it take you to do your hair?”  I ask.

                “About twenty minutes.”  She mumbles.

                “Oh in that case we’ll keep yours warm for you.  Now the quicker you do this the quicker you can come and eat.  Daphne could you?”

With all three of us surrounding her she has no choice but to get up…unless she wants me to pull her up by her hair!  Once she and Daph are out of the room, I dash to the kitchen and pass Daph on the way, she winks at me.

                “Thanks Emmy Lou, uh where is he?” 

He nods to the back kitchen where I hear slamming of the larder door.  I head inside and shut the door behind me.

                “So the line that she cannot cross is shampoo?”  I ask him.

                “How can you be so calm?!”  He snaps.

                “Wie het gesê ek is kalm?  Wraak is 'n gereg beste gedien koud.  En ek glo Daphne se plan om dit te dien. [1]”

He sighs heavily and pulls me into his arms.

                “We’re going to have to throw that out you do know that?”  He mumbles into my neck.

                “Way ahead of you.  Although we could wrap it is up and give it to her as a present.  No, okay then.  Now come on let’s serve up the food.”

He heads back to the lounge and gets everyone to come in, and of course Justin is first in line.

                “Okay so what is it?”  He holds his bowl out like Oliver Twist.

                “What possible rib sticking dish could I do on…”

                “Oxtail and dumplings?!”  He squeals

                “Half a ding.”

He frowns and inhales.

                “Biscuits?”

                “Ding!”

I see the look of worry cross Gus and Jenny’s faces.

                “Okay you two front and centre.  The rule in my house is that you at least have to taste it okay?  You know how I cook so you will be having unusual dishes.”

They nod but still look dubious.  I spoon a little out with a biscuit, two minutes later the bowl is clean.

We all head back to the lounge and start to eat.  Taylor is in her element in her Uncle Ben’s lap sharing his bowl, we had to shred all the meat off so I think he missed gnawing on the bones.  I remember the last time we had oxtail the look on Steve’s face was priceless!

After about 10 minutes Lindz comes back in and we all stare at her.  For instead of the usual soft tresses that she normally sports, her hair is looking distinctly frizzy and a little green and she’s wearing sweats.

                “Um, let me help you to some food.”  I mumble and lead her back to the kitchen

                “What’s this?”  She asks.

                “Beef stew and biscuits.”  I reply.  “Help yourself.”

She helps herself to a small bowl and precedes me to the lounge.

                “Momma…”  Jenny begins.

Oh please God no I beg as I can see Brian and Mel starting to shake.  Justin had to leave the room.  Everyone else suddenly finds the floor or their bowls very interesting.

                “Yes sweetheart?”

                “How do you like the tail…”

I think everyone heaves a sigh of relief on the inside.

                “Tail?”  Her spoon pauses midway to her mouth.

                “Yeah the oxtail, that’s what we’re eating.  And why is your hair green?”

                “What!”  She shrieks and dashes out of the room.

We all turn and look at Daph.

                “Maybe the chemicals in the shampoo for afro hair reacted badly to her hair.”

She shrugs and continues to eat.

                “Yes that must be it.”  I reply.

Once every one is finished Daph and I take the bowls up with help of Jennifer and Debs and we find Justin eating directly from the pot so I send him back into the lounge.  Mel goes to check on Lindz.

                “So, shampoo for afro…jeez Daph what did you do!”  I gasp between giggles.

                “Hey it’s not my fault that her hair doesn’t react kindly to green food dye and washing up liquid.”

                “How the hell didn’t she notice?”  Jen has tears running down her face.

                “Head massages can be mightily distracting…”

                “And what happened to her PJs?”

 Jennifer and Debs are trying to keep their laughter down. 

                “Seems I couldn’t control the shower what with my slippy hands and all…”

                “Lindz is everything okay?”  I hear Tucker ask her.

We quickly dash into the back kitchen to get ourselves together.

                “You can come out now.”  Mel intones dryly from the other side of the door.

We take one look at Mel’s face and at her slow smile we start to laugh.

                “So on a scale of one to mount Hiroshima of hysterical where was she?”  I ask.

                “Oooh about a thousand.  It’s her weapon of mass distraction you see.”  She replies.

                “You okay Mel?”  Jennifer asks kindly.

                “Not right now but in time I will be.  Oh loving the PJs by the way.  Thank you.” 

She heads back to the lounge.

                “I have seen that look before.  It’s the same look Brian got when he showed me the food list.  She’s done, she’s well and truly done.”  Debs sighs.

                “About fucking time.”  Daph mutters.

                “Amen to that.”  I say.

We head back in with hot chocolate, which should round the day off nicely.

                “Okay I think after this we should call it a night.  What do you say?” 

There are nods of agreement.  I hand Brian a thermos as Justin is almost out in a combination of food coma and icescapades. 

                “In fact why not take it up and have done.  Go on.  Good night all.”

                “Oh what time do you want us down?”  Emmy Lou yawns.

                “Same as Thanksgiving, commis down for seven, helpers down for nine.”

                “So Michael will be here for about two then?”  Lindz pipes up.

                “Yes, Michael will be here from about two.”

                “Oh so we’re eating about two?” 

                “No.  Now everyone go up, it’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”

Once everyone is gone.  I start to shut the house down for the night.

                “You’re giving him undeserved chance yes?”  Faal asks.

                “Maybe what Matt said sunk in.”

I roll my eyes at Faal’s incredulous look and sigh.  Pulling out my phone I send a text.

CHRISTMAS DAY

FAAL

                “Geseënde Kersfees my geliefde [2].”

                “Terug na jou [3].”  She mumbles.  “What time is it?” 

                “Six twenty five.  You ready for this?” 

                “Ask me again in 35 minutes.”  She snuggles back into my side.

                “Okay.” 

BRIAN

                “Oh fuck!  Oh Christ!  Yes!” 

I growl out trying to keep the noise down.  Justin collapses against my chest panting hard, he spent most of the time we were fucking biting on a pillow as he rode me.  I said to Zee that I would let her know who our sound proofer guy was. 

                “No wait, don’t, not yet, don’t move yet.”  I whisper into his hair.

                “Happy Christmas Brian, I love you.”  He mumbles as I managed to hoik the blanket over us.

                “Happy Christmas Justin, I love you too.”

DAPH

I have decided as much as I love the girl Jenny takes up far too much room for a person her size! 

                “Jenny, honey wake up.”

                “Is it nine already?”  She sits bolt upright.

                “No but I am falling off the bed move over!”

She giggles and moves, there is a soft knocking at the door and we both look at each other.

                “Come in.”  I call out.

The door opens to reveal Mel.

                “Mom!  Happy Christmas!  Come get in!”  Jenny whispers.

Mel slides in next to her and sighs happily.

                “Happy Christmas baby.  Happy Christmas Daph.”

                “Happy Christmas Jenny and Mel…oh my God!”  I cry out.

                “What? What’s wrong?”  Mel looks round for possible danger.

                “It’s snowing!  On Christmas Day it’s snowing!”  I sniffle.

                “We have got to build ice forts and have snowball fights and…”  Jenny bounces in excitement.

                “When it is slightly later in the day and definitely after breakfast now sleep!”  Mel chuckles.

STEVE

                “Merry Christmas Ben.”

                “Merry Christmas to you too.” 

                “Um this morning?”  I ask.

                “What about it?”

                “Was it…”

                “I will definitely be bottoming again.”

FAAL

                “Ready for this?”  I ask her.

                “Mmm.  Oh my goodness it’s snowing!  Faal it’s…”  She bursts into tears.

                “Hey what is it!”

                “If it snows on Christmas that’s a good sign right?”  She hiccups.

I hope so I really hope so.

KITCHEN

ZEE

                “Commis are we ready?”

                “Yes Madam Chef!”  Emmy Lou, Alice and Debs reply.

                “Food taster are we ready?”

                “Yes Madam Chef!”  George guffaws.

                “Then let us begin.  For the love of… Emmy Lou I will give you the recipes put that away!”

                “I can’t help it!  Why won’t you go into partnership with me?”  He whines.

                “Emmy…”

                “Okay but I am not giving up!”

BRIAN & JUSTIN’S ROOM

JUSTIN

                “Brian.  Did you say it was ridiculously romantic?!”

                “Mmmph.  Wait what did I say what?”  He looks confused.

                “Did you say it was ridiculously romantic?!”  I demand looking intently at him.  “Tell me!”

                “When?” 

                “A-at m-my prom at some point did you say that?”

His eyes widen and he stares at me. 

                “Yeah at the jeep before…”

                “I remember.  Oh God.  I remember!” 

                “When?  How?”  He stammers.

                “I don’t know.  It was like a camera click.” 

                “Oh God baby!” 

KITCHEN

ALICE

                “George for heaven sake stop that!” 

                “What?” 

                “I have been married to you for over 40 years and if you think your old raggedy ass is fooling me with the salmon dropping you are mistaken.  She’s going to be shaped like a barrel by the time New Year comes round!”

He reaches down and picks up Lilah.  Apart from Brian, Justin, me and Vince the one person that Lilah loves is George. 

                “She needs fattening up, she’s way too skinny.”  He gripes.

                “No, no she does not.  Now unless you want your taster title revoked you will stop that.”

                “Sorry Lilah we have been busted.” 

He sets her down and she trots out no doubt to find most important humans in her life.

DEBS

                “How are we for timings?”

                “I think we might need to start knocking up now.  Shall we factor in the 15 minute delay for her ladyship or say fuck it and have done?”   Zee asks

                “Fuck it and have done.”  I reply.

                “Happy Christmas everyone!”  Jenny yells when she comes in.

                “Happy Christmas!”  We all yell back.

                “Actually, I think we have the perfect knocker upper in one Miss Jenny.”  Ems smirks.

                “Go to it sweetheart.”  I tell her.

She is off like a rocket and I almost, but not quite, feel sorry for them.

Fifteen minutes later everyone is down. 

                “Well done Jenny now if you can herd them into the dining room.”  I tell her

                “Come on everyone.  Oh Uncle Brian do you…oh there she is…to the dining room.” 

                “Right we ready?”

Zee starts to bite her lip.

                “Now you stop that shit right now!  You’re an excellent chef, yes I said chef.  You have your reasons for hiding that light under a bushel and I respect that, don’t understand it but respect it.  Now come on folks are hungry.”

She smiles and takes a deep breath.

                “Okay let’s get this done.”

FAAL

I have no idea what she has prepared for today but I am looking forward to it.  Here they come with cloches, that’s a novel touch.  There are already covered dishes on the table

                “Right everyone you kinda know the drill.  Those to the left lift.”  Zee calls out.

Under the cloches are bacon, sausages, roasted tomatoes and toasted soldiers dripping with butter.

                “Those to the right lift.”

Under those is a rice dish with some flaked fish.

                “Okay I know that I might sound weird but it’s called kedgeree and they have it for breakfast a lot in India and..”

                “I have always wanted to try that.”  Brian starts to help himself.

He heads back to his seat and takes a bite.

                “Baby I love you enough to marry you but if you touch my plate I will stab you in the leg with my fork.” 

                “Holy fuck Zee!  Sorry kids!  What’s the fish?”  Debbie sighs after a mouthful.

                “Lobster.” 

                “I think I will stick to the…”

                “What happened to the rule about eating or not eating without comment?”  Gus grouses.

                “Gus!”  Lindz admonishes.

                “What it’s your rule, so why can’t you stick by it?”  He asks at her stubbornly setting his jaw.

                “You’re right lambskin, I-I apologise.”  She smiles tightly at him.

                “Um, Zee I hate to say this but I think you may have forgotten something?”  Emmy Lou looks grave

She chuckles and sighs.

                “Come on then, I can’t carry them by myself.” 

We all look at each other the only people not perturbed are Drew and Brian.

                “Bubbles!  Happy Christmas everyone!  Now just a small glass each before us caterers, yes I am still working on you Zee, head back to the kitchen and the rest of you take advantage of the snow and go work off breakfast.  I expect to see snow boys, forts and hear tales of daring do!  Now into sweats as there is no point having showers now and hop to it!” 

                “Kids are on clean up first though okay?”  Alice orders.  “Except the cloches and the kedgeree dishes, leave those be.”

Never has a table been cleared so fast.  About 20 minutes later I watch Zee cross the garden to her workshop carrying a pot of something followed by George and Emmy Lou. 

KITCHEN

EMMY LOU

                “Ooh if Gus hadn’t got there first I would’ve…”  I snap throwing my hands in the air.

                “Definitely gets that set jaw from his dad.”  Alice chuckles.

                “How’d you think it’s going out there?”  Zee asks.

                “Well judging by the screaming and laughing I think it is going very well indeed.”  Debs smiles.

                “So what’s in the pots in your workshop?”  Alice asks.

                “Oh fuck be right back!”  She cries out and dashes outside

I follow closely behind but as we come out the back door, something catches my eye.  It seems that Lindz isn’t as apologetic as she made out and judging by the redness of Gus’s face, she’s giving him a telling off a bad one.

I watch as he trudges back to wherever he had come from and then as Lindz’s eyes light on Daph.  She starts to pack her snowball, it’s a big one, Daph has her back to her and picks the moment it leaves Lindz’s hand to turn round.  And she’s holding Taylor!  I run as fast as I can and just about manage to take the most of the impact.

                “Emmy Lou what are you doing?!”  Daphne gasps

                “It would appear, that someone started the snowball fight early.  Can you excuse me a minute?”

I stalk to Lindz, who is frozen in place.

                “What the fuck were you thinking?!  If that had hit Taylor do you know what damage that would’ve done?!”

                “I was aiming for Daphne, I didn’t realise she had Taylor, I never would’ve…”

                “You’re lucky that I was the only one that saw that.  And…”

I take a breath because I am trying to channel my inner Liza and celebrate Christmas in style.

                “I have my eye on you Ms Petersen, you come after my girl again…”

I stalk back into the house.

                “Emmy Lou where have you been.”  Alice demands

                “Impromptu snowball fight.”  I shiver.

                “Sweetheart go and change before you catch your death of cold!”  Debs shoves me upstairs.

WORKSHOP

GEORGE

                “What exactly we doing?”  I ask Zee

                “Keeping the soup and hot chocolate warm.”  She replies shifting the pots to various spots in the furnace.

The workshop has been cleaned out to make room for the blankets, cushions and even a couple of couches, in the other corner is a tallboy stacked with warm socks, jumpers and sweats, strategically placed close enough for them to be warmed but not close enough to be set on fire.

                “Can you pass me those trays over there?” 

I hand them to her.

                “What’s that, it smells like...”

                “Bread.  In this heat it should take about 30 minutes tops, think you could stay in here and keep an eye on it.  And the kids, I don’t want them to play on the pool too long.”

I nod and huff as she dashes back to the house and manages to avoid being hit by snowballs.

                “Hi George.  Poor Taylor was getting a little cold.”  Daphne grins at me.

                “Daphne, why don’t you go back outside, I can take care of the little one.  You’ll be okay with Uncle George won’t you Taylor?” 

She nods and allows me to take off her cold things.  Giggling as I tickle her toes.

                “You want some hot chocolate?”  I ask knowing her answer.

Soon she’s starting to doze off so I tuck her up on one of the couches.  Five minutes later the smell of the bread starts to permeate the air.

                “Do I smell bread?”  Faal asks from the doorway.

                “Yep and there’s soup and hot chocolate too?” 

Pretty soon mostly everyone is crowded in the workshop with only Hunter and Matt skating still, first he wouldn’t get on now they can’t get him off.

                “How long have we been out here?”  Mel asks me quietly.

                “About three hours maybe more, why?”

                “The kids seem to have forgotten to ask about presents.”  She whispers.

I snort with laughter as I had forgotten too!

BRIAN

Judging by the way Gus is avoiding Lindz, I would say that she told him off for earlier. 

                “Hey Sonny Boy.  Want to go for a walk?”

He nods and follows me out.

                “Being scolded by a parent no matter what age stings doesn’t it?”

                “But I wasn’t wrong in what I said.”

                “No that’s true.  And I’m proud that you said it but…”

                “But nothing dad, she was going to be rude about Aunt Zee again.  She really does have a problem with her.  Why?  After all she’s done for us letting us stay in the Brownstone and stuff?”

                “Sometimes people see what other people have and resent the fact that they have it.” 

                “Well someone should remind her of two things.  One she’s a lesbian and two even if she wasn’t Uncle Faal loves Aunt Zee to the moon and back and won’t look at anyone else!”

                “You’re a Kinney alright.  Happy Christmas.”

KITCHEN

ZEE

I am finishing off the starter and notice the time.  If we want to have dinner for three people need to get in showers soon.  I call Faal.

                “Hey can you send the kids in for showers?”

Pretty soon they are coming in and head upstairs, it doesn’t take them long to get sorted out and head to the upper lounge.

                “Hey me again.  Half the adults this time and…ah you’re ahead of me, I am going with it saves running the shower twice, not that they are going to fuck in there, even though they are!”

As soon as Carl comes down I call him again and tell him to shut down the workshop and tarp the pool.

Pretty soon everyone is down and in their Christmas outfits.  And like Thanksgiving toenails are being done, by Mel, Jennifer, Daphne and Jenny. 

                “Right everyone set and comfy, I’m heading for the shower won’t be long.”

I have a nice hot shower, put on my favourite oil.  Coming into the bedroom I notice a wrapped parcel.  Opening it I smile, slide into my Christmas outfit and head back downstairs.

                “Oh Zee you look gorgeous where did you get that from?”  Mel coos

                “I have no idea, Santa seemed to have left it when I went upstairs.”

                “You look like you’ve been dipped in honey that is such a great colour on you!”  Emmy Lou cries.

                “I know what looks good on my lig and when I saw it I knew I had to see her in it.”

I make a point of not looking at Lindz but judging by the sly smirk on Mel’s face this has not gone down well.

The doorbell goes and I see Justin flinch.

                “I’ll get it!”  Lindz cries and goes to stand.

                “No, Daph can you do the honours?”  I ask her and give her a wink.

DAPH

I love my girl!  I open the door and stare incredulously at him.  Not only is he beaming like a fool he appears to have come in his PJs.

                “Okay, so why, actually let’s not bother with the stupidity that is in your universe.  Before you come in, just let…”

                “Daphne it is freezing out here, just…”

I slam the door in his face and wait for him to ring the bell again.  His leaning on it brings a few people to the hallway.

                “What’s going on?”  Carl asks.

                “Waiting.”  I reply

                “For what?”  Ted asks.

                “Him to get a clue.”

The ringing stops and then there is just one short burst.

                “I do believe he’s got it, shame really.”  I open the door.  “As I was saying Michael.  Same rules apply that were in place at Thanksgiving.  Now come in and celebrate Christmas.”

                “Happy Christmas Michael, why are you in your pyjamas?”  Blake asks.

                “Well the last time we were here we had a special dinner and we had fancy PJs.  So I thought this would be the same thing…”

                “No it isn’t it really isn’t.”  Blake walks off shaking his head.

I indicate that he should follow and he does so, Carl stops me.

                “What do you think he’s playing at?”  He asks.

                “Oh he’s not playing; he really is that dense.” 

We head back just in time to hear Taylor say.

                “Mr Sulky Face why are you in your jammies?”

                “Drinks!  Wh-who wants what?”  Faal cries out grinning.

                “So Michael the presents, shall I put them under the tree for you? “  Zee asks.

He gets this weird look on his face and grimaces.

                “Sorry Honeybun, Hunter I forgot them as I was late for the service.  I’ll bring them for you later in the week at the Brownstone, okay?”

There is an astonished silence as they exchange looks and nod.  Debs stands and nods at Zee, I exchange looks with Brian and Emmy Lou, we follow Zee out.

                “Is he lying?”  We hear Zee ask.

                “What’s going on?”  I ask

                “I sent Michael a text to say if he doesn’t have presents for both Jenny and Hunter, not to come.  I just called the driver and he said that Michael was running late and did seem flustered, so I really want to give him the benefit of the doubt but…”

                “No he’s lying.”  Emmy Lou sighs.

                “Fine.  Let me show him how I just love to be lied to!” 

Zee gives herself an all over body shake and tells us to go back to the lounge.  Five minutes later she comes back in with a smile on her face.

                “So everyone, time for food!”  Zee calls out.  “And then presents!”

DINING ROOM

ZEE

                “Okay, everyone take your seats!  Let’s bring on the first course.”

I see Michael and Lindz roll their eyes at each other.

                “Oh wait, sorry.  Lindz you are in the wrong seat, you are opposite Jennifer and Michael you’re opposite George and next to Daphne.”

We all wait for them to move, Michael now has a good view of the new little family that Ben has.  Lindz is next to Ted and Tucker and as far away as possible from Gus.

                “I love what you’ve done in here.  The glassware is beautiful Faal, where did you buy such exquisite pieces?”  She simpers.

                “Zee made them, she’s blows, um, glass very well.” 

                “I’ll…”

                “Breathing.”  Vince growls.

                “Right now that everyone is seated correctly.  The first course will now be served, this is ham hock, sausage pies with a cider reduction!”

Everyone is looking at me, I smile and ring the bell.  The door opens and the waiters come in, the room erupts with laughter as they take their positions behind each person with a plate in hand.

                “Waiters?  Lig, seriously?”  Faal chuckles.

                “You do Christmas your way I’ll do Christmas mine.”

                “Hey boyfriend here, eyes front!”  Hunter teases Matt.

                “You have got to give me the name of the company.”  Jennifer calls down.

                “No, no she doesn’t!”  Tucker calls back, this elicits more laughter.

When the first course is finished and cleared away swiftly by the waiters, I stand.

                “The palate cleanser of courgette and cumber salad with pea shoots and hazelnuts.”

Again the waiters sweep in and serve.

                “And for the main event!  The main course of…”

                “Breathing!”  Vince growls

                “I wasn’t…”

                “Just in case.”  Vince retorts and flicks me a wink.

                “You have a choice of roasted goose, rib of beef and salmon.  Now if you could give your waiters your choices, they will bring it to you and you can help yourself to the fixings.”

                “Dad there is no way you can beat this!”  Gus calls down.

                “Are you challenging me sonny boy?”  He quirks an eyebrow

                “Actually that’s not fair, lig had only a month to come up with this, and you will have had a whole year, let’s make it a tighter time frame?”  Faal argues, my hero.

                “Factoring in the wedding I think 4 July you host 4 July but you can’t start planning until April maybe May.”  He suggests.

                “Deal.”

                “And the kids are judges?”

                “Deal.”

                “Ah speaking of the wedding did you say summer for that?”  I ask

                “Yes problem?” 

                “Oh no, it’s just that with Justin’s skin and both your enthusiasm you might want to move your honeymoon as it gets very hot in summer.”  I smile at them.

                “You’ve decided on a honeymoon already, I didn’t know that.”  Lindz interjects.

                “Why would you, you’re not going to be there.”  Mel answers.

                “Yes but we have to make sure that Gus is…”

                “Mom I will be fine.  They went to Thailand for two weeks and I survived.”

                “Thailand, when did you go to Thailand?” 

                “A couple of years ago.  I think Justin is the only person I know who goes on holiday and loses weight no matter what he eats.  Still bitter.”

                “Anyway, so where are you going on honeymoon?”  Her voice is tight and Michael is glowering.

                “Does it have a name, I’m not sure.  You think we should move the honeymoon date?”  He asks.

                “Okay so South Africa is hot as you know.  But when we went to the island, it was way in the 90s and we couldn’t go outside, we did the egg test and yes you could fry it on a rock.”

                “Are you serious Aunt Zee, you fried an egg on a rock?”  Jenny gasps.

                “Yep.  And I would suggest either September or maybe before Easter.”

                “South Africa?  What island have you found Faal?”  Lindz turns to him.

                “Oh I didn’t.  But it’s a tiny thing less than 20 miles across and wide.  We have a house there, so we thought they would like it for their honeymoon, it is only accessible by boat or plane.”

The conversation is stopped by the waiters coming in, Lilah yowls impatiently from under Brian’s chair. 

                “Must we have that cat in here?”  Lindz gripes.

                “Why you have a problem with pussy Lindz?”  I ask taking a sip of my wine.

                “Beskou jouself geklap af teef!”  Faal snorts.

                “What does that mean?”  Lindz asks

                “She’s harming nobody leave her be.”  He replies.

Mains are cleared away and since the meal was rich and filling, I make a suggestion.

                “How about we do presents now and dessert later?”

                “An excellent idea Zee, the food was excellent but I need a breather.”  Carl rubs his stomach.

                “Faal can you take everyone upstairs, um Michael a word.”

FAAL

As I take everyone upstairs, Daphne pulls on my arm.

                “What did you say really?”  She whispers

                “Consider yourself smacked down bitch.”  I whisper back.

                “What’s fuck in Afrikaans?”  She giggles

                “Fok.  But in Dutch it’s neuken – I tend to use that in company.”

                “Seriously, you two are just awesome!”  She gives me a kiss on the cheek.

Michael comes up not looking as harassed as I thought he would be and Zee’s looking very relaxed.

                “Oh my God this room is gorgeous.”  Jennifer sighs.  “You can see clear across the city.”

                “So how do you want to do this?  Kids first or everyone have at it?”  Zee asks.

                “Have at it.  Definitely that.”  I decide.

Pretty soon all the presents are handed out and the unwrapping begins.  There are squeals and cries of delight.  Daphne bursts into tears when she gets the boots she also admired when shopping at Thanksgiving.  Lindz rolls her eyes.  Emmy Lou opens and then closes his present and hiccups and crushes Zee and then me in an embrace.

                “What, what did you get?”  Carl asks.

He points at the box and can’t speak as he’s crying so much.  Carl opens it and then smiles.

                “Here Red have a look.”  He hands her the box.

                “Aww sweetheart you are going to let that little light shine!” 

                “Only for six months though!”  She mutters.  “And Emmy Lou I need to breathe!”

Ben is grinning at Taylor’s present of a stuffed bear with I love you on it.  And immediately puts the watch Steve got him on.  Michael is seething.  Debbie got Carl the jacket she mentioned to us and also Grizz sent him a waistcoat, he blushes to the soles of his feet.  Brian and Justin give Jennifer jewellery. 

                “Um can I have your attention please?”  I call.

Everyone turns round to face me.

                “Now as you know we don’t need anything and I’m pleased that everyone abided by our wishes not to give us anything but I’m sorry my lig, I couldn’t abide by yours.  A little D-bird told me something and so here.”

I hand her the box. 

                “Daph I’m going to kill you!”  She sniffles.

She pulls out her coat, it is purple suede with fur lined cuffs and collar.  She comes over and kisses me hard.

                “You are going to pay for that.  And I ignored you too.”

                “You did?”

                “Hmm.  Check the middle drawer.”

I go over and open it.

                “When?” 

I know I shouldn’t cry but she knows me so well.

                “It’s in August.”

                “Where’s he going?  Mel asks.

                “Australia.”

                “Why aren’t you going with him, I understand that Australia is beautiful.”  Blake asks.

                “He’s always wanted to do the Tough Mudder there and that has no appeal for me whatsoever.  Happy Christmas you lunatic!”

                “Ahem I have three more to share.”  Brian stands up.  “The first one is to give to Mel, if you hadn’t been such a great lawyer Chase Donaldson and Harper wouldn’t have come after you and our sonny boy wouldn’t be here, so here.”

He hands her an envelope and when she opens it, she claps her hand over her mouth and looks at them.  Justin sniffles and nods.

                “Oh my God, oh my God!  I c-can’t accept these!”

                “What, what is it you can’t accept?”  Lindz asks.

                “The entire fall/winter collection for Gucci and Prada.  And vouchers for 3 pairs of shoes each from Manolo and Louboutin.”

                “We had a bit of help from a little D-Bird to get your sizing so they are all waiting for you, all you need to do is to try them on and they are all yours.”

                “Daph!”

                “I know I’m dying twice!  I die happy!”

                “The second on is for Gus.  You’re going to need a car for those driving lessons.  And we know you like those old classic cars.  What we didn’t know was in your grandpa you have a classic car buff and he’s found one.  It needs a lot of work and now you’re here you can work on restoring it with him and Uncle Ben, who has agreed to act as muscle.”

Gus opens his mouth, closes it and then opens it again only to burst into tears.

                “I don’t who to hug first!”  He cries out.

                “Start with your dads and work your way round.”  Alice sniffs.

                “You said there were 3 presents Brian, what’s the last one?” 

Lindz tilts her head her eyes dancing.

                “Ah yes.  That was given to me this morning by Justin.  He’s started to remember the prom.  Only little camera clicks, is that what you called them, but his memory is coming back.”

This sets Emmy Lou off again and Daph, Debs and Jennifer join in, giving them both hugs

“Oh, there’s one more thing.  This is for Vince.”  Justin calls his voice wobbling.

                “What?”  He looks up in surprise.

                “You’ve been with us from the beginning, you’ve been so loyal and protective of us.  We know you don’t like grand gestures but we do know you like good food.  So we’ve booked a table for you and a guest at 12 of the top tables in Pittsburgh, so that’s your dates covered for a year!”

                “Mr K, Mr T, I’m just doing…”

                “Don’t fight it son.  Welcome to the family.”  Carl pats his arm.

                “Uncle Vince can I be your date one time?”  Jenny asks hopefully.

                “Sure sweetpea.”

                “So is that it?  Christmas presents are all done?”  She asks.

I look across at Zee and she is looking coldly calm.  Time to get the kids out.

                “Hey why don’t the grandparents, yes that includes you Tucker, take the kids downstairs to watch a movie?  We’ll clean up in here and join you in a bit.  Oh and boys, one night only and keep it down.”

Once the coast is clear, Brian turns to her.

                “What else is there to give?”  Brian asks her confused.

                “I want to thank Brian for my present.”  Michael chimes in.

                “My what?  I haven’t…”

                “Yes.  Zee told me.”

                “What did she tell you?”  Brian is looking confused.

                “That you let her buy the Captain.”

                “Yes I did but how does that count as a present from me to you?”

                “You know how much that means to me and like my collectibles you haven’t sold them either.”

                “Michael I don’t give a fuck about the statue I just wanted rid of it and as for the collectibles they will still be sold, that’s the whole point of them being displayed so we can sell them.  In fact since the opening we’ve had a fair few pieces go.  And the money has been placed in Jenny’s college fund.  And you whilst on the subject you run the risk of defaulting again.”

                “What do you mean defaulting?  You’ve taken my store.” 

                “That was valued at $40,000 and the collectibles at about $30,000 you still owe the balance of the loan.” 

Ted reminds him, this is something he clearly hadn’t considered.

                “But…but…!”

                “You sound like a goat!”  Daph snickers.

                “But what about the Captain?”  He turns to Zee.

                “He had a high burn point once I sanded him down.”

                “What you burned him!”

                “It, I burned it!  I needed firewood for the furnace, he was made of wood win-win!”

                “And then there’s the divorce of course.”  Steve comments.

                “Oh so now you are out in the open instead of sneaking around!”  He snaps.

                “We were not sneaking around!  We only got together recently, less than a month, I want to build something with Ben and we can’t do that with you holding on like some demented wraith.  Just sign the fucking papers and get over it, the marriage is over, you caused that and you if you had a shred of decency you would let us live our lives…”

                “Why because you love him, after only a month, how pathetic!”  He snaps.

                “He’s pathetic!  Listen to me you over indulged fuckstain!  These gents seem to me to have a good thing going, that little girl clearly loves the bones of Ben and he does her.  You would do well to learn how to be kind from them!  You have good kids in Jenny and Hunter but have you spent any time with them no, you’ve not!  I have had to tolerate your rudeness, your arrogance for far too long in my opinion.  You pushed my wife and it is taking everything and I mean everything for me not to tan your hide right now.”  George snarls.

                “George this is not…”  Lindz begins.

                “And as for you missie!  You’re a nasty ass broad!  You think that by birthing Gus you have rights?  You don’t!  You’re spiteful, abusive, manipulative and downright ugly.  The way you treated Alice at Thanksgiving was reprehensible, you think because you come from money that makes you better than her.  Wrong.  Don’t get me started on your snarky ass attitude to Justin and distain of Mel, you think nobody sees that!  And as for your behaviour towards Zee.  In the old days you would’ve had to wear a Scarlet A on your dress, you’re loose, unseemly and a guttersnipe despite your moneyed lineage.  Now I don’t know about anyone else but I want you two gone right fuck now.  Come on get out!  Zee is the car still outside.  Good.”

He grabs them by their elbows and pulls them to the door.

                “Open!”  He snaps at Michael.  “If I do it you won’t like the way you go down the stairs!”

Michael opens the door, we hear their protests fade away and the front door open and close.  George comes back in and sits down quietly nobody says a word.

                “Um, I’m the only one with the key to the Brownstone.”  Mel points out.

                “Well they can share Shadyside then and they might have to get used to that.”  Ben says.

George stands and clears his throat, Alice has tears in her eyes.

                “Everyone, I’m so sorry for my outburst, please don’t take this out on Alice, I will…”

                “What outburst, I didn’t hear anything did you guys?”  Brian asks.

We all shrug and shake our heads.

                “Let’s go to the lounge and grab the kids on the way.”  I suggest herding them out.

JUSTIN

As we head downstairs I can help but stop George and give him a hug.

                “Thank you for defending me in that outburst we never heard.”  I whisper.

                “Anytime.”  He whispers back.

KITCHEN

ZEE

                “Okay note to self, do no anger George!” 

                “I know right!”  Daph giggles.  “You’re a nasty ass broad.  That is a classic!”

Debs comes in with Jennifer.

                “Faal told the kids that Lindz and Michael had to go, there was a problem at the place in Shadyside and her…okay what happened really?”  Debs demands.

                “Have a seat ladies.”  Daph pats the stools.

By the time she’s finished they are gobsmacked.

                “George?  George said this?”  Jennifer gasps.

We both nod at her.  Brian comes in grinning with Lilah round his neck and stroking one of her front paws.

                “You told them?”

                “Yeah we’ve been told.  I take it you’ve shared with the rest of the group?”

He nods.

                “Seriously I have never seen Lindz’s face go so many colours!  Do we have some more salmon for a certain majesty?”

I pull some out and she immediately drops down onto the counter.

                “Lilah down.”  He orders softly.

She obeys and chirrups from the floor impatiently.  The next thing we hear is purring, for a cat that small she makes a lot of happy noises.

                “Pudding?”  I ask.

                “Let me go check.”  Debbie bustles off.

She comes back shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

                “They want to know what it is first.”  She chortles.  “And that means Justin and Em.”

                “Brown butter rum cannoli and smores cupcakes.” 

Brian grins at me and starts to count down from 10, he doesn’t get to 6 before they arrive.

                “You’re so easy.”  Brian giggles, yes giggles, as he feeds Justin a cannoli.

We head to the lounge with the rest of them and they are swiftly demolished although Taylor got a little ambitious and had to share with Jenny in the end.  They are antsy to get back to their movie so we let them and that’s them for the night.

As the clock chimes eleven I spring up.

                “Oh!  Oh!  I have an idea for a song!  Daph and Mel I need your help.”  I hiccup.

                “Oh God this can’t be good.  Drunk and pissed off as she didn’t get her shot at Lindz, this should be interesting.  She can be quite creative!”  Faal splutters.

Twenty minutes later we come back in.

                “Oh, okay, um, here we go I shall say it just once and you guys are really smart and will take it on board and then the next time we do it, we do it to tune of Deck the Halls okay.”

                “Deck a Lindsay with boughs of holly, fala, lala, la, lala, la, la.  Tis the season to be bitchy fala, lala, la, lala, la, la.  See the blazing WASP go flying.  Lala, lala, la, la, la, la, la.  Join me in some merry laughter fala, lala, la, lala.  Cos Mel will have her happy ever after fala, lala, la, lala, la, la!”

Mel beams at them.

                “Are we ready from the top…!”  She cries.