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After leaving the loft I started to wonder if this was what Michael did to Brian. Did he cling too much? I don’t want Jay to think that he owes me anything, but I know it’s just been us for so long that I do tend to take over his life. I always call people placeholders in my life, and they are, unless they impress Jay and Aidan. I think that’s why people tend to make more out of our relationship; because Jay is the person I compare people to. I want children, but I want someone who loves my kids the way Jay loves Aidan, and now Jewel and Gus. I stopped in Brian’s drive way and sat in the car with Emmett, wondering if I was too involved in Jay’s life. Brian was right, I’ve been jumping in when I should have let them figure things out for themselves and let me know what they needed from me.

 

“Max, I'm going to ask you something, because I need to know.” Emmett asks me. 

 

“Go ahead.” I tell him. 

 

“Are you in love with Justin or Jay?” He asks me. 

 

“Yes, but not the way you think.” I tell him. 

 

“There are only so many ways to love someone. I ask because I don't want to date someone who is in love with someone else.”  He tells me. 

 

“I don’t love him as a lover, we just never went there. He and I became friends when he was pregnant and we were only able to be friends. Aidan and Jay became my family. I’ve never had to think about someone else being in his life, so I just did what we always did and started working on the solution to anything that came up. It’s how he and I have always done things. I know Brian is right, I need to let him help Jay, and only help when they ask. So when I said ‘Yes’ to loving him, I meant that he is the brother of my heart.” I tell him.

 

“That’s the difference between you and Michael. Michael didn’t and doesn’t want Brian to be happy with anyone but him. Anytime Brian started treating Justin like he cared, Michael showed up and used Brian’s insecurities against him. It was always about keeping Brian in the box Michael wanted to open on Christmas morning. You didn’t try to make Justin choose between you and Brian, Michael would have.” He tells me.

 

“Michael wants what he can’t have, but Brian should have cut that shit off the minute he knew there was the possibility of more with Justin.” I tell Emmett.

 

“Brian wasn’t ready for Justin back then and it was easier to let Michael stay around because he wasn’t going to give Michael anything. Justin wasn’t going to stay around waiting, Brian would have had to make a commitment to Justin. Brian did what anyone who saw a future he wasn’t ready for does, he ran.” Emmett tells me.

 

 

“All I want for Jay and Aidan is to be with someone who loves them. I don’t play games with the people I love. I hope one day to tell you, you're one of them.” I tell him.

 

“When your ready, let me know.” Emmett tells me.

 

BRIAN 

 

We left the loft and I knew that before we got home, we needed to figure out where we were going to live with the kids. I think that we are going to confuse them running between two houses. I like the idea of Justin’s house, fewer unwanted visitors. Deb can send the police to my house all she wants, and I don’t have to worry about the kids being disturbed by it. I need to make sure Justin is ready for that kind of move though, not force it on him.

 

“What do you think of consolidating homes?” I ask him.

 

“I like the idea of not having to live away from any of my children.” He tells me. It makes me feel good that from the beginning he has included Gus as being one of his children.

 

“Which house, or do we look for another place?” I ask him.

 

“We could move to my place, if we need more room, then we look for another house. I’m not attached to the house, I just like the neighborhood. I just know that Aidan likes his things around him and right now he is being taken out of his comfort zone. If we start taking Gus and Jewel back and forth they are going to start to question where home is.” He tells me.

 

“That’s why I wanted to talk about this. I planned on moving soon anyway, we need a larger house.” I tell him.

 

“I bought my house with the idea that I would have more kids someday.” He tells me.

 

“Do you want more?” I never really thought about more kids.

 

“I always wanted more children. I planned to adopt if I didn’t find someone I wanted to have kids with eventually. I loved carrying Aidan, so I wanted to do it at least one more time.” Justin tells me.

 

“I haven’t really thought about more kids. I was raising two babies at the same time. Your mother was a Godsend because I knew nothing about raising kids. It’s something to think about, maybe when the kids are older.” I tell him.

 

“We move the three of you into my house, and if we think we need more room, we look. How does that sound?” He asks me.

 

“It works for me. We could just pack the things the kids need now and I can get Cynthia to get movers to get the rest.” I tell him.

 

“Can we drive by your club?” He asks me.

 

“Do you want to see it?” I ask him.

 

“I just want to get familiar with the area. If you have to go to the club, I want to be able to find it if you need me.” He tells me.

 

I turn the car towards Babylon and think of something he could see that was the beginning of our past. I pull up to the front of Babylon and park. I get out of the car and tell Justin we need to go somewhere.

 

“Brian, where are you going?” He ask me.

 

“Get out and follow me, I want you to see where we met and where we danced. You can’t remember things if you haven’t seen them again. Justin, understand that I don’t care if you remember or not, I just want you to have the chance if you want it.” I tell him.

 

I take him to the place I first saw him. Everytime I look in this direction, I always see him walking down the street and standing here. He looked so angelic that night. 

 

“I was coming out of the club, Michael, Emmett, and Ted were with me. I looked here and you were walking towards me and stopped here. I’d been having a shitty night and was about to go home. The minute I saw you I forgot my friends and headed straight to you. One thing that impressed me was that you looked me in the eye and talked to me. Most tricks don’t do that.” I put him under the street light.

 

“Why did I stop here?” He asks me. Looking up at the light. 

 

“You’d been wandering around looking for action. I think you were on the verge of giving up when I saw you.” I tell him.

 

“That was stupid, what was I thinking, anybody could have picked me up. I swear if our kids do anything like this we are going to tie them to chairs. You know what, continue, I’ll go parental if our kids do something like this. ” He tells me.

 

“You got lucky, I found you, and wanted to make sure you were safe. You gave me this bullshit about checking out the bars, come to think of it you were a little underdressed for Meat Hook, but I liked what I saw so I keep talking to you. You agreed to come with me and that was the start of us.” I tell him.

 

Justin looked at the street and the club and then the car. “Did you drive a black Jeep?” He asks me.

 

“Yes, I got rid of it when Jewel was born.” I tell him.

 

“Can we go in the club?” He asks me

 

“It’s the best time, because no one is there, I’ve made some changes to the place from when you would have been there, so don’t worry if you don’t remember it.” I tell him.

 

Justin and I walk into the empty club and let him look around on his own. I stood in the middle of the dance floor and watched as he walked up the catwalk and around the entire top floor. He stopped at the stairs across from me and looked as if he was replaying something in his head. 

 

“Did Daphne ever come here? I swear I see her standing with me here and talking about you.” He asked me.

 

“Once that I remember. You had sold a sketch at the GLC and you two came here to celebrate. I was hanging out with Emmett and Michael who were busy whining about their lives. Emmett had picked up a hustler who didn’t speak English and Michael told Emmett the hustler was saying he loved Emmett when he was really asking for money.” I tell him.

 

“Of you, it was a sketch of you.” He said excitedly.

 

“Yes, are you remembering something?” I ask him.

 

“I just know that I sketched you. I remember wishing I knew who bought it.” He tells me.

 

“I did, you drew me in a way that I never saw myself. I still have it, I’ll show it to you some time.” I tell him.

 

“What happened next?” He ask me.

 

“You came here with Daphne. I was ignoring you and running around looking for a trick. I picked him and another guy to dance with and you came down to the dance floor.” I tell him.

 

“We weren’t together that night?” He asks me.

 

“No, I was thinking three-some and you were thinking I had too many people that weren’t you around me. You helped me change my mind.” I tell him.

 

“How did I do that?” He asks me.

 

“You came down to the floor and danced next to us. The guys who were dancing with me liked what they saw and started dancing with you.” I tell him.

 

“I keep seeing us together, not me and other men.” He tells me.

 

“I pushed them out of the way and made sure it was just us. You were letting me know that you didn’t have to wait around for me to make up my mind.” I tell him.

 

I walked up the stairs and turned on the music, and watch as Justin starts to dance. He was always good at it. He smiles as I pull him into my arms and dance us slowly around the floor. I was never the dancer he is, but I didn’t need to be, I just needed to hold him close and the moves didn’t matter to me.

 

 

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