LINDSAY 

Sam was really making sure to show me off, it was all I ever wanted. We went out to all the hot spots and I was introduced to the who's who of the art world. I loved rubbing it in all their faces that I was on Sam's arm. Even Max wouldn’t be able to snub me now. I couldn’t wait for the show at his gallery. Max thinks that he can shut doors in my face, with Sam at my side all those doors would open right back up. 

JUSTIN 

I woke up to Aidan talking to Brian. Every morning since Brian moved in, Aidan came in to wake him up. Brian seemed to enjoy that Aidan worshiped him. Jewel wasn't a morning person, so like me, we just snuggled down in bed together. My real worry was Gus, he seemed to be distancing himself from me. At first he was on board the family train, but it's like he isn’t sure of his place in this family’s life. I decided today he and I were going to spend one on one time together. Brian hoped Gus was just feeling displaced with the move.

I left Jewel asleep and went to find Gus. He was sitting on his bed hugging a teddy bear.

“Good morning, I thought you might want to do something with me today?” I ask him. 

“If you want me to.” He says. 

“Your Dad is going to watch Jewel and Aidan, so we can go somewhere, just the two of us, but only if you want to spend time with me.” I tell him. 

Gus nods and lets go of his bear. I tell him to get dressed for the park. I wanted somewhere he could talk if he needed to. I needed to find out why Gus went from happy kid to wary kid. 

Gus was ready and waiting by the door when I came down the stairs. 

“Do you want to walk to the park?” I ask him. 

“Can we drive, in case we need to go somewhere?” He asks me.

I wasn’t sure what he meant by that so I grab my keys and lead Gus to the car. After he settled in, I pulled out and drove to the park. Once we got there I let him decide where we were going. Gus wanted to sit on the bench by the swings. I hoped it was because he wanted to talk about what was bothering him.

“Can you tell me what's going on in your head?” I ask him. 

“Why do we stay at your house?” He asks me. 

“You remember your Dad telling you that we wanted to live together?” I ask him. 

“I thought it was going to be at our house.” He tells me. 

“My house is bigger, and we wanted to be somewhere where the people who cause problems couldn’t find us as easily.” I tell him. 

“Like Deb?” He asks me. 

“Just like Deb. I didn’t want her coming over and upsetting you and Jewel.” I tell him. 

“What about other people?” He asks me. 

“They all know where we live.” I tell him. 

“What if they don't and aren't coming over because they can't find us?” He asks me. 

“As far as I know everyone knows where we live. Is there someone we missed?” I ask him. 

“I guess not. Maybe she's like the others.” He mumbled looking down at his feet. 

“Gus, who do you mean?” I ask.

“Mama. She hasn't come to see me in a long time.” He tells me. 

“Mel?” I ask him. He nods and continues to look at his feet.

“It’s not important.” He tells me. 

Apparently it is to him. I needed to know why he's been distant with me first, then I'll handle Mama.

“Yes it is and we’ll work on that, but I need to know something. Have I done something wrong?” I ask him. 

“No, it’s just… well, I'm not…” He sniffles.

“You're not what?” I ask him. 

“Your kid.” He tells me. 

“You’re my kid to me.” I tell him. 

“It's not the same as Jewel and Aidan being yours.” He tells me. 

“Why is it different to you? You know that Jewel isn't your father's biological daughter, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her the same way he would if she was.” I tell him. 

“Dad adopted her, so she's his.” He tells me. 

“Even if he hadn't, it wouldn’t change, he loves her and feels the same for her as you.” I tell him.  

“Do you feel that way about me?” He ask me.

“Yes, you're Aidan and Jewel’s brother, and that makes you special to me and I want to be your other dad. Even if there wasn’t an Aidan and Jewel, I’d still be glad you were living in OUR home.” I tell him.

Gus looks up at me and then climbs on my lap. I feel tears on my neck where he is hiding his face. I hold him tight and hope that he can feel that I do care. He doesn’t lift his head when he starts talking. 

“I just was afraid that you would only want your kids. Some parents are like that.” He says into my neck.

“Your Dad and I love you all, and you’re just going to have to get used to me loving you.” I tell him.

“Okay Daddy.” He tells me.

I take my son home and tell Brian I need to go do something, he looks at Gus and nods. It’s time for Mama to explain why she’s been MIA. Max told me that she said she wanted to see Gus, but so far in the last two weeks, we haven’t heard from her. Brian told me that he wasn’t going to force Gus on her, because if she wants to be a part of his life she needs to earn it, by showing up. It’s the one thing that we disagreed on, because it’s obviously hurting Gus. 

I drive to the address that Emmett gave me over the phone and go to the front door. She has a decision to make today, because if she wants to play games with Gus’s feelings she’s history. The door opens and she looks dressed to go to work.

“Justin, I…” I hold up my hand to interrupt her.

“Do you have a minute to talk?” I ask her.

“Of course, come in. It’s so good to see you. I keep meaning to come to see you.” She tells me.

“We only live ten minutes away, so maybe you could have taken some time out of your schedule to see me or Gus.” I try not to get angry with her.

“I know and I’ll try to get over there soon.” She tells me.

“Gus seems to think you're like the other parents, which is how he refers to Lindsay and Michael. I don’t know about you, but being put in that circle would make me want to kill myself, but if you're fine with that, then I won’t waste my time with you.” I tell her.

“What do you want me to say? The truth is I still have a hard time with all the shit Lindsay did and Gus reminds me of that life. I don’t want him to feel like it has anything to do with him.” She tells me.

“I want you to say that Gus is still your son. A son that you sat in that chair and told Brian you wanted to be the mom of. I sat next to Brian and listened to you go on and on about how he needed to sign over his rights to you, so you could officially be Gus’s mom. Why is it that you aren’t being the mother you sat here and told us you wanted to be?” I ask her.

“He never signed the paperwork in the end.” She tells me.

“But he has never stopped you from seeing Gus, has he? So how is that relevant to you being in Gus’s life?” I ask her.

“What do you want me to say, Justin?” She ask me.

“I don’t want you to say anything, just do something to show him you care. I want you to either be a part of Gus’s life or get the fuck out of his life. If you are part of it; you visit and call as much as possible. If you want the fuck out then you explain to that little confused kid that you're too worried about your own feelings to be the mother you swore you wanted to be. He doesn’t understand why you seem to be less and less involved with him, so I want you to either tell him he’s right, that you are like Lindsay and don’t care, or show up and prove to him that you want to be there for him. Just don’t show up when you can put your feelings aside and think that Gus is going to want to play your son. I won’t have Gus upset anymore.” I tell her.

“Brian doesn’t seem to mind that I’m not visiting.” She wants to blame Brian now.

“Brian doesn’t want you there as if it’s an obligation, he knows what that’s like. Only he got abused by his parents. I guess you can settle on neglect, it doesn’t leave marks on the outside.” I tell her.

“Justin, don’t judge me, you weren’t here for the aftermath of Michael and Lindsay. I was and I cleaned up the mess they made. It’s taken a lot of therapy for me to deal with what they did.” She tells me.

“Yes, they did make a mess. Gus didn’t do a damned thing, he was a baby. Why are you taking it out on him?” I ask her.

Mel sits there looking down at the floor. She starts trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. I waited for her next excuse, because she only seems to have excuses. When she stays silent, I tell her some of my truths.

“Jewel is the product of a whiny petulant little man, but that doesn’t make me want her any less. I don’t see anyone but Jewel. Brian doesn’t care that not one drop of blood in her body is his, he loves her for her. This is the child that caused all the grief, yet he loves her and doesn’t see Michael when he looks at her, he sees his daughter. Yet Gus, who you once wanted to mother, is too much of a reminder for you. Grow some fucking balls and see your kid or get off your ass and tell him you don’t want him.” I tell her.

“I do want him.” She tells me.

“Then you come by tonight and see him and you start coming by every night even if it’s just to read him a story, give him a hug, or watch fucking TV with him for fifteen minutes. Give him a reason to believe you care. If you skip out on him, he’s not going to know you were coming, so if you don’t show he won’t be hurt. Tonight is decision time, are you going to show Gus you love him or you join your ex as a memory of someone he thought loved him.” I tell her.

“I don’t remember you being this ruthless.” She tells me.

“I don’t remember you being this weak.” I tell her.

I didn’t wait for her to say she was coming because it was up to her. Brian and I would just love Gus enough to hopefully make up for what is lacking from his other parents. If Gus needed me to adopt him than I would. I started my car to leave but wanted to see if I was really remembering my life. I drove straight to the house I lived in as a child and it’s just what I remembered. I turned and started back to my new home and a life that I finally am starting to remember.