Brian drove to Kinnetik, thinking of his day and the meetings he had planned.  His mind turned to Justin's surprise visit yesterday and he wondered if Justin would show up again, but realized he probably wouldn't.  They were taking, or sort of talking, and that was an improvement.  He wished he could turn back time, or more realistically move time forward, to when they were reunited and happy like they'd been before the accident, but he realized that his mistake was not going to go away, despite his desire for that to happen.

Arriving at Kinnetik, he took out his Rolodex, flipping to the R's.  He picked up the phone and dialed. "Marty," he said as the phone was answered.

"...It has been awhile.  Cynthia usually does my travel arrangements, but I need to make these for myself."  He picked up the black pen on his desk, twirling it absently in his hand.  "I want a place to relax with a few art galleries nearby.  Secluded would be great, but there should be some people around," he said, describing his needs to the trusted travel agent.

"...No.  I really don't want a romantic setting.  Justin needs to get away, relax.  We're not a pair of lesbians."

"...I think that would be perfect.  Why don't you book the room for Tuesday of the following week." Gus' tournament is next Thursday, Friday and Saturday.  We can celebrate on Sunday--regardless of how they do; it's an accomplishment to make it to the tournament. That way, Justin and I can get away for a few days.

"Send the bill to Kinnetik."

Brian smiled.  This was perfect. A short getaway, just a few days, but one Justin would not expect-especially in the middle of the week.

Justin spent several hours reading web sites, and the more he read, the more he was convinced that Brian's alcohol use was problematic.  He needed help, but he didn't know how he would get Brian to see this without alienating his partner.  His brain was overloaded with information; therefore he shut the computer down and went outside to take a walk. 

The ground was still brown, beginning to defrost after the long winter; it was still too early for the flowers to start pushing through, but the air was warmer and not quite so bone-chilling cold.  He liked this time of year, the calm before the storm.  Like my life.  Brian and I are talking again, but what will happen when I broach the drinking?

A gust of strong wind blew across him, chilling him. He pulled his coat around himself-he still couldn't put a coat on as his arm was immobile, so he walked back to his studio.  Booting up the computer, he opened a new page and began "painting" a new piece to match his mood.  The foreground was gray but as the viewer moved across and up the page, the colors got lighter and the pictured brightened.  After an hour, his arm was tired. Hitting save, he closed down the computer and picked up a few items that he wanted to return to the house.  He made several trips back and forth to the main house, and was satisfied that most of his personal items were returned.  He would have Carson come over later and gather his clothing and the larger items he could not manipulate.

As he was taking the sketchbook/journal to the house, Daphne walked into the area.

"Hey you!" She walked over and gave him a kiss on the cheek and a gentle half-hug, careful of his injured arm.  "Are the phones broken?  I haven't heard from you in ages and since I had a free afternoon, I figured I'd come out and have a nice visit."  She noticed the sketchbook he was holding.  "What's up?  That sketchbook never leaves your bedroom."

Justin frowned, having been caught by the one person he couldn't fool. "It's a long story, Daph." He continued walking toward the house, assuming she would follow.

They went into the kitchen, taking off their coats and hanging them on the hooks in the mud room. 

"Want some hot chocolate?" Daphne asked as she gathered the supplies, comfortable in their kitchen as if she lived there herself.

"Sure."  Justin sat down at the table, flipping through the sketchbook/journal, seeing his favorite subject rendered in pencil.

Daphne watched Justin flipping thought the pages, a look of contemplation on his face, mixed with worry.  She prepared the chocolate and brought both cups to the table.  "We need some marshmallows for these.  Are there any in the cupboard?"

Justin smiled at the take charge attitude of his best friend.  "Don't know.  Since the accident, I haven't been shopping.  Rosa buys the food and occasionally Brian will pick up something.  It's been a month at least since I shopped."

"I can't believe it's been that long."  She went to the pantry, searching for the illustrious food.  "Ahh, here we are.  Marshmallows and I think they are still good.  They're squishy." She demonstrated as she squished several marshmallows.

"Daphne, sometimes I wonder if you ever grew up."  Justin laughed at her antics, glad to have the diversion.

"I don't need to remind you that I will be having my tenth anniversary of my practice in three months.  You and Brian promised to be there.  He's doing some big promotion for it."

Justin laughed at her pretend indignation.  "I know and we're both so proud of you.  It's just that sitting here watching you make hot chocolate in my kitchen brings back memories from high school and PIFA."

"It's been a long time.  We've been friends forever.  I can't remember when you weren't in my life." Daphne blew on the cup to cool it down and then took a sip of her hot chocolate.  She watched Justin drink a few sips of his chocolate.  "Dish.  What's up?"

Justin put down the sketchpad and took a few sips of chocolate before responding. "It's complicated."

"When is anything that has to do with you and Brian not complicated?  Come on, Justin.  Just tell me.  I'm a great listener and you don't even have to pay for it."

Justin smiled at her levity.  "True.  You've been giving me advice since we were little.  I think the first time was in kindergarten when you told me to go play with John in the sandbox.  Did you already know I was gay?"

Daphne waited for Justin to continue, but he glanced around the kitchen, staring at the stove where the pot filled with milk was still simmering. "You're stalling.  You know you're going to tell me, so just say it.  I'll be quiet until you're finished talking."  She finished her hot chocolate and poured some additional milk in her cup and then put the cocoa mix in the mug. 

"Brian was really freaked out about the accident. When I came home, I wanted him--it calms me." He stared into his cup, not looking at his friend.  "That first time he tried giving me a blow job... I got a fucking panic attack--couldn't breathe, etc.  He called the paramedics and when he was sure I was okay, he left and went to Babylon, got drunk and got sucked off."  Justin finished his drink and pushed his mug toward the middle of the table.  Daphne got up to refill his cup and returned it to him.  "Meanwhile he started avoiding me--I didn't have a clue what was happening-and he started drinking like a fish."  Moisture started pooling in his eyes and he wiped at them, trying to stay the tears.  "He finally told me what happened and I moved out to my studio.  We've talked some, but ..."  The tears refused to be wiped away and he let them fall down his face, making tear tracks on his cheeks.

Daphne went into the bathroom off the kitchen and returned with the box of Kleenex, pushing it toward Justin.  He grabbed a few, blew his nose and wiped his eyes, and threw them in the trash.

"I don't want to leave him, Daph.  He's my world, imperfect as he is.  I love him.  I can even forgive him for the trick--he was drunk.  That's really the problem, his drinking.  He would never have gone tricking if he wasn't drunk.  I've ignored it for too long and now I can't."

"So Brian's drinking is the problem."

"No wonder you're one of the most sought-after psychiatrists in the area. You're so good at your job!" He smiled a tiny smile.

"Does Brian think he has a problem?"

"I don't know."

"Justin?" She questioned him with the inflection in her voice, knowing that he knew the answer.

"No.  He'll tell you he controls his drinking." Justin admitted in defeat.  "I talked to Blake--you know Ted's husband, and he said that unless Brian admits he has a problem, he can't help him.  I'm so screwed, Daph."

"You're telling me that you can forgive Brian, since he was drinking, and YOU know that its an issue.  You're allowing him to use his drinking as an excuse for his bad behavior."

Justin nodded.  "Fuck!  When you say it like that... I'm giving Brian an excuse to get away with all kinds of shit."

"Does he...?"

"Does he what?"

"Get away with shit--I mean when he's drunk."

"He hides in his drinking.  Sometimes he drinks instead of telling me shit that's bothering him.  I know..." Justin stopped mid-sentence and listened to his words. " Shit.  That's enabling.  I read that this morning.  The experts say that an alcoholic has a group of people around him, and that each person has a role.  I'm the enabler--letting him use his alcohol for an excuse.  Shit!  I'm just as fucking guilty as he is."

"You didn't trick, Justin," Daphne reminded him gently.

"No.  I think I need to have another talk with Blake.  Thanks Daphne."

"The alcohol is one thing, Justin.  What about the other?"

Justin played with the mug, moving it around the kitchen table. "You do ask the hard questions."

"I love you, Justin.  Don't forget I've known you forever."

"I guess we have to work on that too.  Regardless of the alcohol, we need to talk about the trick."

Daphne picked up the cups from the table and put them in the dishwasher.  She poured out the remaining milk into the sink and cleaned the pot.  Returning to the table, she leaned in close to Justin, waiting for him to continue.

"I guess I have to decide.  I told him I forgive him--he was under a lot of stress.  Yeah, I know, enabling, but that's okay since I'm aware of what I'm doing."

"Is it okay?"

"Yeah.  It really is, Daph.  We need to work on a few things, like communication, but I'm not walking out that door unless he kicks me out.  And... even then he'd probably have to kick me out more than once before I left."

Daphne put out her hand, squeezing Justin's for support. "You were always stubborn."

Justin smiled his 'sunshine smile'.  "I was Brian's stalker and I won my prize.  It's one I cherish and don't have any intention of giving up."

Daphne looked at the clock above the stove. "I have to be at the office in forty five minutes--I have an early evening appointment.  Call me if you want to talk again, Justin.  Don't be a stranger," she admonished.

"You've been a big help, Daphne, as always."  Justin stood up and kissed her on the cheek and then walked her to the door.  "Thanks... for everything."

She left and Justin went upstairs to their bedroom.

Opening the door, he looked at their room with a critical eye.  Everything was in its place, a silent tribute to Brian's need for order. The bed was made and Brian's reading glasses were on the night stand. On Justin's side of the bed was a bottle of allergy medicine and a box of Kleenex. He could see the bathroom; the shower walls were spotless, the sinks empty save the soap dispenser, and the towels were hung on the racks. 

Over their bed was a huge painting Justin had completed after Brian's accident.  Brian always told him that this was one of his favorite pieces as it was full of joy.  Justin knew that when he came back from New York to live with Brian, his life was filled with joy, honest joy as Brian had asked him to return.  There were no bombs, no bashings, just them, and they had made a commitment to each other.  That was when they had decided to be monogamous.  Brian had made the ultimate commitment to him and to their relationship.  Justin painted that piece right after his New York show when they truly consummated their union.

He sat on the bed staring at the painting, reliving his joy at being with Brian and the happiness they had experienced through the years. Their commitment, an extension of their relationship, was forever.  No ceremony had been performed; this was their own interpretation.  Brian had been with him during the accident, one of many hard times they had shared through the years.  He laughed as he thought of the story Brian shared with him regarding being wheeled out of the hospital as a patient, only to turn around one second later and go up the elevator as his partner.  His partner.  I'm his partner and partners deal with life. We don't run away when everything isn't perfect.  Shit!  We reverted to our old habits--running when I'm upset and Brian drinking.

"Justin!" Gus yelled as he bounded up the stairs.  "Where are you?  I got my uniform for the playoffs today."

Gus' yelling brought him out of his reverie.  Brian walked into their bedroom to change out of his work clothes and was surprised to see Justin sitting on the bed.

"Here to greet me, Sunshine?" Brian eyed him hopefully as he went to stand in front of Justin as he lowered his zipper.

Justin stood up and kissed Brian chastely on the mouth. "No, I was just thinking.  Sorry.  I'll go see Gus while you change."  Justin walked out the door, closing it softly behind him.

"I'm right here, Gus.  Now where's this uniform?  I swear you and your dad are so alike, getting excited about clothes," he teased Gus as he gave him a smile.

Gus laughed at the easy banter.  "Soooo.  We'll be the best-dressed soccer team out there.  Can I help it if I want to look good on the field as well as off?  By the way, do you think we could buy me another pair of cleats this weekend?"

"We just bought you a pair two weeks ago."  Justin frowned.

"I want an almost fresh pair for the tournament.  The pair you just bought will be worn down after all the practices.  Ask Dad, he'll tell you.  Although this time, can we do without the dramatics?  I have enough of that at home with the moms."

Justin winced at Gus' reminder of the last shopping experience. "I think that can be arranged.  Let's go down to the kitchen and get you some food.  I'm sure you're starving."

"Food is always good.  What's for dinner?"

"Not sure what Rosa made, but I'm sure it'll be great.  Your dad chose a great cook when he hired her."  Justin and Gus bounded down the stairs and Brian followed shortly afterward.

Rosa had set the table for the three men, and left the dishes by the stove top as she had been doing since Justin's accident. 

"Let's wash up and we'll eat.  Brian what do you want to drink?"

"It's been a long week.  I'll have a beer.  I think Rosa bought some soda for Gus.  What do you want, Sonny Boy?"

"What about root beer?  I don't get that often.  Mom Mel doesn't like JR drinking soda so she doesn't buy it.  Mama lets me get it when we go to the diner to visit grandma."

"Beer and root beer coming up.  I think I'll have a beer too."  Justin grabbed the beers and placed them between his arm and body.  Brian grabbed the beers.  Justin returned to the refrigerator and grabbed Gus' root beer.

Brian served Justin and himself, bringing the plates to the table as he'd been doing for the last month. Gus served himself.  Gus was very hungry and started eating right away.  Brian opened both beers and gave one to Justin, and then took a long draw from his. He took a few bites of food as he watched Justin sitting across from him.  "Who is on the team, Gus?  Anyone we know?"

Gus finished swallowing his mouth full of food. " Sandburg, Harkness, MacLeod, and Ryan all made the team.  I think you know everybody but Ryan.  He's a freshman."

"Sandburg.  He's the short, curly-headed kid.  He's pretty fast.  Harkness and MacLeod are good defensive men.  Sounds like your coach picked well.  What position does Ryan play?"

"He's an alternate, but he plays forward.  He's made over ten goals this season."

"I can't wait to see the games.  While I'm not up on the positions like your dad, I will admit it is an exciting game to watch."  Justin washed down his food with some beer.

"What did you do today?" Brian asked as he looked at Justin.

"I painted a little, brought stuff over from my studio, and Daphne came over."

"And how is the great doctor?  I'm surprised she stayed away this long.  You guys have your regular pow wow?" Brian half-teased.

"We had a good visit and yes, we talked.  Daphne knows me better than anyone--except you."

Brian's gut clenched at the mention of Daphne.  Shit!  I'm so screwed.  Justin always talks to Daphne.  At least she's a fucking shrink and knows to keep her mouth shut.  Still, I wonder what she told him to do.  Maybe she's on my side and told him to come back to our bed.  With my luck, she agreed with the little shit and it will be a long time before he returns.

"How was your day?  Was it as productive as yesterday?"  Justin's eyes twinkled as he asked the question.

Brian caught the playfulness and felt his body relax a little.  "No unscheduled visitors today, but it was still fairly productive.  I'm glad that it's Friday.  Enough about work."  Brian turned toward Gus.  "Why don't you tell me what's going on with your moms?"

Gus got up from the table and put more food on his plate.  "Dad!" the plea was heard by both men.

"We've got all weekend, and I think that if you talk now you won't be waiting for a 'good' time later.  This way, we can fix the problem and we can all enjoy the weekend.  So, I repeat, what's going on in Muncherland?"

"Okay.  But I don't really think you can fix this, Dad.  Things are really tense there.  They yell all the time."

"What do they argue about?" Justin asked as he got up to take his empty plate to the sink.

"Lots of things.  They argue about work.  Mama wants Mom to stop working so many hours, but Mom says she can't since she's got these important cases now that she's a partner.  They're rarely home together and when they are... Hormones.  I swear one minute they're sweet loving women, the next they are bitches.  They argue about JR--what activities she should be involved in after school, who her friends are, you name it--she's the subject of it.  They also started getting on my case about my study habits.  Mom wants to be sure I get into a 'good ' college.  They yell about my after-school activities, wanting to know where I am every second of every day.  Shit, Dad.  They argued when I told them I was coming here for the weekend.  They questioned me about my motives and didn't I like spending time with them anymore.  I know they're my moms, but you can see why I wanted to leave."

"I'm glad you're not a woman, Justin.  I don't think I could handle you during menopause," Brian snarked.

"Daddd,"

"Gross, Brian.  That's not even funny."

"I mean when I come to Britin, things are different.  You guys don't argue, don't hassle me.  We have fun together.  It's great.  I wish I could live here all the time."

Justin looked at Brian, wondering how he would respond to Gus, especially after their discussion last night.

"We argue, Gus.  That's a part of being in a relationship."

"But look at you two.  I've never seen two people more committed.  It's just--with the moms--I wonder if they really love each other.  They're so mean to each other and say some really spiteful things."

"We all hurt the ones we love, even me and Justin."

"You'd never hurt Justin, Dad.," Gus informed his dad.

"Actually Gus... I did some really stupid things recently and hurt Justin very badly."

Gus looked at Justin, watching for confirmation of his dad's comments.  Seeing the moisture pool in Justin's eyes, he realized his dad was telling the truth. "But..."

"Gus, what I think your dad is trying to tell you is that what people allow others to see is not their private selves.  No one knows what occurs behind closed doors except the people in the relationship.  Even if your dad and I are fighting, it doesn't mean that you're not welcome in our home.  You're our son and we love you."  Justin stood up and walked over to Gus, bending down to give him a slight ruffle on his head.

He walked over to Brian, leaned in really close so that only Brian could hear, "Thank you.  I love you."
He kissed him softly on the lips and left the room.

"Impressionable kid here."

"Do you want me to talk to your moms?  Tell them to lay off you a bit."

Gus picked up his plate and took it to the sink.  "That'd be great, Dad.  Would you?"

"Sure.  Would you like to live with us, Gus?" Brian asked as the thought occurred to him.

Gus' face lit up with a smile that could rival Justin's. "Really?  That would be so cool.  No more estrogen and their nagging."

"Oh, I don't know about that, Gus.  Justin and I can nag with the best of them.  You'll still have responsibilities and I'm still your dad."

"Would you talk to Justin this weekend?  It would be so cool to come live with you two."

"I'll talk to Justin, but I also have to get your moms' approval."

"I'm sure they'll say yes, Dad.  I'd be one less thing they'd have to deal with."  Gus' snarkiness rivaled his father's as he said this statement.

"Let's go find Justin."  Brian took his plate to the sink as well.  "I think he may be in the media room."

The Kinney men found Justin looking through the movies in the media room, just as Brian predicted. 

"I thought we might watch Death at a Funeral; I hear it's funny as hell."

"Okay."

They watched the movie, laughing at the British farce and enjoyed the rest of the evening.

TBC