Brian opened his eyes and groaned softly. He should probably feel a lot worse than he did, but he was still feeling pretty rotten at the moment.

"Take these." Justin handed Brian a couple of aspirins and a bottle of water.

Brian obediently took the pills and laid back down covering his eyes with his arm. "I’m never doing that again."

"Good to hear. Do you want to take a nap before we have our talk?"

"I’d prefer to skip the talk entirely." Brian groaned.

Justin grinned and ruffled Brian’s hair just a bit. "Why did you come back after that first night?"

Brian swallowed hard and averted his eyes. "That’s hard to explain, but the sex was fucking hot."

"So you came back because of the sex?"

Brian shook his head and sighed. "No, not really. It’s complicated."

"Well, I have nothing but time, so why don’t you try to explain it to me."

Brian looked up into those blue eyes and saw nothing but understanding and patience. "My entire life has been about proving to my father that I wasn’t worthless. I had to be the best at everything. I couldn’t show any weaknesses. I always had to be in complete and total control of every single aspect of my life."

Justin pulled Brian up and slid behind him leaning against the headboard and pulling his boy back against his chest. "It’s okay, I’ve got you."

Brian leaned back against the warm chest and took another deep breath. "I was always so busy making sure that everyone knew I was perfect, that my life was perfect, that I had everything I could ever want or need, and somewhere along the way, I got lost in it myself. I immersed myself in alcohol, drugs, and sex just to escape this existence that I’d created. I used it as an excuse to deny who I really am and just continued to bury that part of myself deeper and deeper until one day, I guess I just forgot that part of me even existed."

Justin rubbed his hand gently up and down Brian’s chest, listening to the pain and confusion his boy had endured over the years all alone. He leaned down and placed a kiss on the auburn head and continued to listen patiently.

"The night I met you, a trick told me to fuck off…told me, Brian Kinney, to fuck off. I hated how that made me feel and what it said about my future."

Justin noticed that Brian seemed to run out of steam so he hugged his boy tighter and whispered, "I’ll never tell you to fuck off."

Brian closed his eyes, licked his lips, and whispered, "I realized that I was all alone. That’s when you came along. You made me feel special, like I was someone who mattered. For once in my life, I wanted to belong to someone. I wanted something I’d never had. Hell, I knew it wasn’t real and wouldn’t last, but for that one night, I just wanted to pretend."

Justin continued to hold Brian tightly. "You are special and you do matter, cookie. You don’t have to pretend anymore because I’ve got you and nothing is going to hurt you on my watch."

Brian smiled and relaxed into the strong arms holding him before continuing. "With you, it just felt right. No bullshit. Nothing to prove. You didn’t judge me, and it terrified me. A part of me wanted to tell you to ‘fuck off’, but I just couldn’t stop."

Justin kissed Brian’s ear before whispering, "You should always feel safe, special, and taken care of."

"That’s what I mean. You accept me with all my faults and imperfections. I don’t have to do anything but just be myself. I really like that. I like being able to just let everything go. Hell, I even find myself enjoying the fact that you work so hard to take care of me."

Justin laughed softly. "Well it’s not an easy job, but it’s one I enjoy doing."

Brian ran his hands across Justin’s legs absent-mindedly as he lost himself in the warmth and security that seemed to surround him.

"Brian, why did you call me that day you listened to the CD I left for you?" Justin asked softly.

Brian took a deep breath and whispered, "I just needed to hear your voice. I couldn’t stop. All these emotions seemed to be crashing in on me. I just wanted to listen to your machine because your voice calms me."

"Last night at Babylon, what were you doing?"

"I was doing what I always do in that situation." Brian shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

"Did you enjoy what you were doing last night?" Justin’s hand rubbed over Brian’s stomach in a comforting gesture.

"No. I was doing what I thought I wanted to do at that moment."

"So how do you feel when you’re with me? Do you enjoy spending time with me?"

Brian swallowed hard. "I feel safe, like I don't have to spin out of control which is what I was doing at Babylon. Yes I enjoy spending time with you, but it's also frightening."

"Why? Do you think I’d hurt you on purpose?"

"No, I don’t think you’d hurt me. It’s just that I've never relied on anyone else. I'm used to being in control and self-reliant, but like I said, a large part of me doesn't want to accept that anymore." Brian let his head dip and stared at his hands.

"Do you really believe you can't rely on anyone else, or do you see someone who isn't in total control as being weak?" Justin continued to rub Brian’s stomach.

"I've always convinced myself that people are weak and full of bullshit; the only one you can really trust and rely on is yourself. Just when you start to rely on someone else they fuck up and let you down."

"So do you see me as weak and full of bullshit?"

Brian shook his head. "No, I don't. I find I want to rely on you, and that's something I've never wanted to do, and although a part of me wants to stop it, another part won't let me. I can't."

"So what is so terrible about relying on me if you don’t think I'll hurt you and you don't see me as weak and full of bullshit? What is it that makes you so afraid to let go? Are you afraid of what your friends would say and how other people would see you?" Justin kissed Brian’s ear.

Brian gave a little laugh. "Yeah. Stupid pride I guess."

"It’s not stupid. So the question we have to answer is are you going to do what you want, or are you going to let your fear of what other people might think stop you from giving this a try?"

"I think, what if it goes to shit? Then I'll have people thinking I'm weak, and then what? They'll pity me and that's unthinkable." Brian turned his head and looked into Justin’s eyes hoping the blonde would understand what he was saying.

"Well I guess it is a possible risk that some of your friends would see you as weak, especially if they know nothing of the lifestyle. It's also a possibility that things may not work out between us. After all, there are no guarantees in life. So what you have to decide is, are you willing to take that risk to find out if we can do this and beat the odds, or do we just call it quits and walk away."

Brian pushed his tongue into his cheek and said, "Well we tried that already, didn't we?"

Justin chuckled. "Yes, I guess we did. So what do we do now?"

Brian shook his head. "I was just about to ask you the same thing."

"Well, if it were up to me, I'd say to hell with the whole fucking world. I know what I want, but I know it's not as easy for you to say that."

"No shit. It's more like ‘I want to want to’, if that makes sense."

Justin nodded. "It makes perfect sense. I do understand, but we can't ‘want to want’ this. We either do it or we don't."

"Okay. Then where do we start, and where do you see this going if we do? See, I have an issue with this giving up control thing. I'm thinking I'll lose control in other areas of my life too that have nothing to do with you, like my job." Brian pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Okay, let me set your mind at ease really quickly. Your life, for the most part would be exactly the same. I’m not looking for a slave, nor would I ever treat you like one."

Brian took a deep breath. "That was one thing that I had trouble understanding."

"The lifestyle has many different elements. There are no right or wrong answers. All you will ever have to be worried about is pleasing me. I'm not into the radical stuff. I like to use pain as a tool to increase pleasure, not as a punishment." Justin ran his fingers through Brian’s hair.

"So all I have to worry about is pleasing you, and that's it? Everything seems so complicated and confusing, and yet you make it sound so simple."

Justin smiled at his boy. "It is just that simple. All you ever have to worry about is pleasing me. If you don't want to do something tell me, and if you feel uncomfortable tell me. You seem to think being a submissive is the weaker role, but you are so very wrong. The sub controls all play and can stop everything with one word. As a matter of fact, about the only time you will ever be severely punished by me is if you fail to use your safe word."

"Well, isn't that kind of contradictory? If I have to please you, wouldn't you be disappointed if I stopped everything?" Brian asked.

"No, not at all. The play is for mutual enjoyment and I would be upset if you didn't stop me and I wound up hurting you. It's my job to protect you. A simple way to look at this is to think of me as the protector," Justin motioned toward his thorn armband. "And you would be the rose I have to protect."

"The thing I’m still not clear on is what do you get from all this? I guess I didn't see the protection element as being a primarily role."

Justin laughed out loud and pulled Brian in for a kiss. "You’re joking right? What do I get out of this relationship? Have you looked into a mirror recently? You’re fucking hot."

"I know." Brian smirked.

Justin continued. "I get your body spread out for me to play with. I get to hear you moan and know that I'm causing you to feel that way. I get to watch you completely lose your mind with desire. I get to know that you trust me enough to allow me to see all these things. And finally, I get to know the rose like no one else ever could. That's what I get out of this relationship."

"So, I’d just like to know what's going on and what's next?" Brian turned so he could look at Justin.

"We make it whatever we want it to be. We’ll need to discuss things like limits and what is acceptable and what isn’t. We’ll figure it all out together."

"We, okay, ‘we’ sounds good. Another thing is I don't do boyfriends, or at least I haven't in the past. What about that? What about tricking? Would I have to stop that? Because I'm not sure I could or even want to in the long run."

Justin smiled. "Well as far as you not doing boyfriends. I'm not particularly fond of the word boyfriend myself, but I do expect you to accept and acknowledge that you are in a relationship. As far as the tricking goes, I wouldn't expect you to stop, but I do expect you to be honest about it. When you are with me, you will need to be with me. I expect you to respect me that much. When you aren't with me, you can do what you want as long as you aren't hurting yourself or disobeying me. I won't allow you to get away with doing harm to yourself."

"Sounds acceptable to me. Not as suffocating as I’d thought it would be. Actually, not suffocating at all, and with a minimum of bullshit."

"It's supposed to be a way for you to express yourself freely without fear because I'll protect you." Justin leaned in and kissed Brian again.

Brian returned the kiss then whispered, "I could probably get used to the idea now that it's clearer. I just didn't know what to expect."

"Expect to be treated like the world’s most precious jewel. I have to fly to New York for a week on business. I want you to do some research and find out if there are any more questions you need answered. I want you to think about this long and hard, because I don’t take this lightly. Hopefully you will have made up your mind and have an answer for me when I get back."

"Will you call me?" Brian asked in a soft whisper.

"Every single day. Now go to sleep. You need some more rest."

Brian took a deep breath and asked, "Will you stay with me for a while?"

"All you ever have to do is ask."

Brian smiled and rubbed his cheek against Master’s chest. It was the first time in his life that he felt truly powerful.