Brian sat at the Liberty Diner across from his Master after a weekend spent exploring things he never thought possible. He couldn’t seem to stop smiling and felt more rested and relaxed than he’d ever felt in his life. He looked across the table and met his Master’s eyes enjoying the way the blonde’s gaze made him feel safe and special at the same time.

The bell jangled over the diner’s door and the rest of the gang walked in and headed toward the booth. Michael slid into the booth next to Brian and demanded, "Where the hell have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you all weekend."

"I was busy Mikey." Brian looked at his friend with a small smile.

Michael looked across the table and eyed the blonde as he asked, "What’s he doing here? I figured you’d have kicked him to the curb long before now. What happened to ‘never fuck the same guy twice’?"

Justin saw how uncomfortable Brian was becoming. He watched as the carefree man he’d spent the weekend with slowly disappeared and the hard cold bastard persona slowly emerged. He felt a tightening in his chest, took a deep breath and confronted Michael. "Well maybe he’s never met anyone worth fucking twice till now."

Emmett leaned forward. "I think it’s great that Brian has found someone. It’s about time he settled into a relationship."

"Brian doesn’t do boyfriends or relationships," Michael answered.

Debbie walked over and asked, "So what’ll it be boys."

Justin smiled at Debbie and said, "I’ll have the full breakfast and bring co…Brian wheat toast, eggs, and coffee."

"Who the hell do you think you are? Brian is capable of ordering his own breakfast." Michael looked at his friend. "Are you going to let him get away with this?"

Brian felt like the whole world was crashing down on his shoulders. He looked across the table at his Master and swallowed hard. He wasn’t going to be able to handle this. He didn’t know how to deal with the things that were happening. He’d felt so happy this morning. Everything had been so simple. This just wasn’t meant to be. "Excuse me, Mikey, I need to get out."

Michael stood up and Brian quickly exited the booth and headed for the bathroom.

Justin took a deep breath and felt that thing in his chest grip just a little tighter. He closed his eyes momentarily before asking to be let out of the booth. He followed Brian into the bathroom, shut and locked the door. He kept his voice low and whispered, "It’s going to be alright, cookie." He walked up behind his boy and put a hand on his shoulder only to feel Brian shrug it off.

Brian hung his head and swallowed hard trying to keep the tears a bay. "I can’t do this, Master. I thought I could, but I just can’t."

Justin bowed his head as he felt the crushing blow slam into his body. He took a deep breath and swallowed a few times. He’d seen it coming and had actually been expecting it in a way, but it didn’t make actually hearing it any easier. He’d known the risk he was taking with Brian and had walked in with his eyes wide open. "Hey, cookie, look at me."

Brian turned and met the eyes of the man he’d called Master for the entire weekend. He saw the pain he’d created so clearly in those eyes. He wanted to say something, do something that would fix this mess. "I just…"

Justin placed a gentle finger across his boy’s lips. Yes, he still thought of this man as his and probably always would. "It’s alright, cookie. I understand." He ran his hand over Brian’s cheek and around behind his head letting it rest gently on the back of his boy’s neck pulling his head down and pressing their foreheads together. "I just want you to know that if you ever need anything all you ever have to do is ask." He placed a quick kiss against those pink lips. "Be happy, cookie." He stepped back, gave Brian his best megawatt smile, turned and exited the bathroom.

Brian watched his Master leave and wanted to chase after the man and beg his forgiveness. He’d never felt so torn up inside.

Justin walked back over to the booth, threw forty dollars down on the table, and headed out the door. He never stopped and he never looked back. He needed to get to work and figure out how he was going to erase the memories of this weekend from his mind before they slowly drove him mad.

Brian came out of the bathroom just in time to see Justin walk out the door of the diner. He bit the inside of his cheek and walked back to his friends. "I have to get to work, so I’ll see you guys later." He yelled to Debbie to cancel his orders and walked out never answering Michael’s questions about going to Babylon.

For the next two weeks, Brian lived on autopilot. He went to Kinnetik every morning, performed brilliantly, grabbing clients almost from thin air, went to Babylon every night touching base with his new manager and indulging himself in his own personal form of pain management, went home, crawled into his cold lonely bed, and passed out. This was his existence. On this particular night, he was stretched out on his bed thinking of his life, his friends, his "family", and wishing he didn’t feel like his whole world was a big empty void. He was nothing but a robot. He forced himself to meet up with the gang once a week. Even though all his friends had partners or significant others, they all seemed to want to get together and have a drink once a week. They all said it was to "catch up" and to "stay in touch" so that the "family" would stay close and not fall apart. He also made it a point to attend Debbie’s Sunday dinners at least once a month, but that was about all he could handle. Hell, just ask any of his "family" and they’d all tell you that Brian Kinney was doing great. He owned Kinnetik, one of, if not the best advertising firms on the east coast. He owned Babylon, the number one gay nightclub in all of Pittsburgh. He owned not just a kick ass loft, but the entire building. He drove one of the best cars ever made. Hell, his life was coming up roses all around.

As soon as the thought of roses entered his mind, flashes of Justin’s painting invaded his senses. He remembered running his fingertips over the intricate pattern tattooed to Master’s arm. He heard that soft voice whispering, "Thorns are thought of as the givers of pain. They are thought of as ugly, but actually they are just doing their job as protector of the rose." He closed his eyes and tried to bring back that feeling of safety he’d felt lying in Justin’s arms. He blindly reached out and grabbed a pillow pulling it into his chest and burying his face in the fabric of his Egyptian cotton pillowcase. After all, only the very best would do for Brian Kinney. He hugged that pillow tightly and willed himself to remember the feelings that Master could give him so easily. It was at that very moment he realized he could no longer do it. For the past two weeks he’d been coming home and dreaming of the nights he’d spent with Master. Those memories seemed to give him comfort and ground his chaotic life. It wasn’t working anymore. The feelings wouldn’t come. Now he was truly alone.

The next morning, Brian walked into the diner to grab his morning cup of coffee just as he did every morning. He saw some of his friends and nodded in their direction before sitting down at the counter. He let his eyes roam around the room and felt his heart stop when he spied Master sitting at the back booth with another man. His curiosity was eating at him. Who was that guy? What was he doing with Master? He was walking over to the booth before he even realized what was going on.

"How’s it going?" Brian was glad his voice didn’t shake as he uttered the words to Master while his eyes raked over the other man at the booth.

Justin looked up and smiled brightly at Brian. "Hey you. Brian, I’d like you to meet Jake Carson."

Brian looked at the handsome muscular man with indifferent eyes. Under normal circumstances, he’d have probably been mentally undressing and fucking this guy in a matter of seconds. Hell, he’d have actually been fucking this guy in a matter of seconds, but not today. Today, this man was sitting with his Master and looking far too chummy for Brian. So, he needed to understand that Master was not interested in anything he had, and Brian was just the man to prove it to him. "What brings you to our fair city?"

Jake let his eyes travel over Brian’s body appreciatively. Yes, this was definitely going to be a very fun visit. He had finally met someone up to his standards. He looked up into a set of gorgeous hazel eyes and smiled. "I’m here on business. I will be performing at Babylon for the next week, maybe you should come by as my personal guest."

Brian blinked and then remembered signing the forms giving permission to have live entertainment during the week before the Leather Ball. So this was supposed to be the great Dom from NY that he’d been hearing about. Well this guy needed to learn some things and he needed to learn them fast. Brian gave his famous tongue-in-cheek smirk and replied, "Well thank you so much for your kind invitation, but I’m afraid I’ll have to pass." He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out one of his business cards handing it to the man and saying, "However, show this to the bartender and he’ll see to it that you and your friends have access to the VIP lounge."

Jake took the card and read over it quickly and smiled. "So, you own Babylon? I’m impressed."

"Just as you should be. I’m an impressive guy." Brian snarked.

"Well then how about you taking me over to your club and giving me a private tour of the establishment. I’m free all morning." Jake winked at Brian.

Brian reached back into his coat pocket and pulled out another card handing it to the man and saying, "Unfortunately, I’m not free. I have to get to work."

Jake took the card and read over it before whistling softly. "You own Kinnetik as well?"

Brian nodded and turned his attention to Master. He let his eyes travel over the man’s face and felt that longing in the pit of his stomach that he still couldn’t explain. He leaned down and whispered, "Master, can I speak to you for a moment?"

Jake’s head whipped around and stared in amazement at Justin for a second before saying, "Sunshine! You sly devil. Why didn’t you tell me that you’d collared yourself a sub, especially a sub as hot as this fine specimen?"

Justin stood up and took Brian by the arm pulling him a little roughly toward the bathroom. He checked to make sure no one else was in the room and locked the door. He turned and looked at Brian before saying, "You can’t do that, Brian. You can’t go around calling me Master. I’m not your Master, remember you said you couldn’t handle it?"

Brian swallowed hard. He hadn’t called him cookie. He’d thought the name was stupid to begin with and had even made fun of it in his mind, but not hearing that name on Master’s lips was killing a part of him he couldn’t explain or understand.

Justin saw the pain in Brian’s eyes and it was tearing him up inside. However, hearing Brian call him Master was killing him in other ways that he just couldn’t allow. It was going to have to be made clear to Brian that he couldn’t have things both ways. He had to decide what he wanted. He reached up and caressed his boy’s cheek gently. Even though he was no longer able to call him cookie or to express his true feelings, he’d always think of Brian as his boy. "Listen to me, Brian. I’ve been through too much; suffered too many loses to ever hide who or what I am for anyone, no matter how much I care about that person. For such a long time I was ashamed of who I was and what I was doing. It took me an eternity of self-discovery to realize that this is just who I am. I can’t…no, I won’t allow you or anyone else to take that away from me. I know you are hurting. I can feel it, but I can’t be used as a band-aid. I’m an all or nothing kind of guy. I’ll always be around if you need anything, but you no longer have the right to call me Master. Do you understand?"

Brian looked into those clear blue eyes that he’d always been able to lose himself in. Only he realized they were no longer openly expressive, now they were guarded. He’d caused that look. He’d caused this man so much pain that he no longer allowed any part of himself to show in his eyes. "I just need…"

"I know what you need Brian. I know it better than you. The problem is that you have to accept who you are before you’ll ever get what you need. I really hope I’m around when that happens, but regardless, I want you to be happy. Take care of yourself." Justin turned and left as quickly as he could. He had to keep it together long enough to deal with Jake, and then he could go home and lick his wounds in private.

Brian watched as his Master…no, he wasn’t allowed to call him Master anymore. He felt as if someone had slashed his entire body to shreds. He was truly all alone. He didn’t even have the fantasies to keep him company. He looked around at the cold stark walls of the bathroom and realized that was what his life resembled. No matter what he’d accomplished, no matter what he owned, no matter what he did, his life was nothing but a big cold void. For one short weekend of time, he’d had everything, but he chose to throw it all away and for what? He was destined to always be one on the outside looking in watching his friends grow, laugh, and love. He was Brian Kinney, Stud of Liberty Avenue, successful ad man and club owner, father of a really great kid, everyone’s friend in need. In truth, he was nothing special at all.