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BRIAN 

 

Deb called to let me know that Michael and Jenny were at her house waiting for me. I really wish he had dropped her off and left. I arrive to see Michael sitting outside on the steps and just want to drive off, but Jenny is here too. As soon as I get out Michael stands up and walks towards me.

 

“Can we talk before you leave?” He asks me. 

 

“Michael what's left to say? It seems like no matter what anyone tells you you only hear what you want.” I tell him. 

 

“Tell me why you couldn't love me?” He asks me. 

 

“You don’t want to hear it. It’s like you filter everything until it comes out with me loving you.” I tell him. 

 

“I think you're afraid you do love me.” He tells me. 

 

“There you go, changing everything to fit what you want. I don't love you the way you want because I couldn't. I never saw you as more than a brother. Part of it is that you expect everyone to take care of you. The other part is that I fell in love with Justin. He showed me what love should be like. It's not selfish and greedy, it’s given without strings.” I want to kill myself for even saying something so lesbianic.

 

“What makes Justin the person you love and not me?” He persist.

 

“Do you really want me to answer that?” I ask him. 

 

“I want to know why he gets you.” He tells me. 

 

“Because I love him. In a way I never thought I would love anyone.” I tell him. 

 

“I don’t get how you could love someone who disappeared with your kid. He left you and I stayed with you. I was always there but you never gave me the chance.” He tells me. 

 

“Michael you can’t make someone love you because you want them to. I can tell you why Justin, if you honestly need to hear it.” I tell him. 

 

“I want to know why it isn’t me.” He tells me. 

 

“Because loving you is conditional. You expect everyone to be who you want them to be. If we don't do what you want us to, you write us off, until you need something. Ben and I fucked years before you knew him and when you found out we spent a week with you acting like we betrayed you. Instead of realizing Ben loved you, you ran around being a miserable bastard. In a moment of complete stupidly I thought you needed to see that Ben was nothing more than a trick I barely remember. My mistake was thinking that I would get through to you. I lost Justin because you couldn't be happy with Ben, who loved you.” I tell him. 

 

“I would have been happy with you.” He tells me. 

 

“Would you have been happy knowing that you'd be a placeholder for Justin? Because that's all you would have been. I wasn’t ready to give Justin what he wanted twelve years ago, but I knew that when I was ready, he was going to be the person I committed to. Justin needed time to grow up and see what else was out there, I wasn't going to stranglehold him. I saw what that does to someone and refused to be my mother. Did I like the idea he might not chose me in the end? No. But I wanted to know that if he stayed with me it would be because he wanted a life with me. He had the perfect way to keep me and didn’t use it, which is something you would have done. Justin loved me enough to walk away so I could be happy. If I could have told him I loved him, I wouldn't have spent the last twelve years without Jacob.” I tell him. 

 

“See, you told me, that just proves you loved me.” He tells me. 

 

“I couldn’t tell Justin because it gave him the power to destroy me. All my saying it to you proves is that you didn’t mean as much to me as Justin did.” I tell him.

 

“Why?” He seems to really have a hard time grasping that it wasn’t him.

 

“You need someone to be there to tell you how to walk, talk and when to do things. You can’t do anything on your own. I need someone who could be my equal, and it wasn’t you. I need to get Jenny to the house, maybe if you think really hard you’ll figure out that you’ve wasted a lot of years on me. Don’t waste the rest of your life waiting for me, because I won’t be there.” I tell him and leave him on the steps.

 

Jenny was sleeping on the couch. Deb told me she was really tired from the trip to the zoo. I picked her up and she woke up and smiled at me.

 

“I had fun today with my Daddy.” She tells me.

 

“I glad you did.” I tell her.

 

“Brian, can you let Carl put her in the car? I wanted to talk to you.” Deb tells me.

 

“Deb, leave it alone.” Carl tells her.

 

“I just need him to tell me why John is staying with him and Justin.” She tells Carl.

 

“Justin invited him to stay.” I tell her.

 

“Why would he do that?” She asks me.

 

“Because he trusts me and that’s all you need to know. I’m not going to have everyone trying to tell us how to run our lives. John is a friend and nothing more.” I tell her.

 

“Deb, don’t get involved in their business. It’s not our place.” Carl warns her.

 

“Listen to him, because I won’t listen to anyone telling us what we should be doing.” I tell her.

 

“Can we go home, I miss Gus and Jacob.” Jenny tells me.

 

“Yes we can Jenny girl.” I smile at her.

 

I put her in the car, Michael comes over and tells her that he’ll see her this weekend. I prayed he wasn’t going to queen out when he found out she wouldn’t be in town.

 

“Justin and I are taking the kids to New York this weekend. We’ll be back on Monday if you want to see her.” I tell him.

 

“Couldn’t you leave her here with Ma?” He asks me.

 

“No he can’t, because I’m going to help Justin pack to move here.” Deb tells him.

 

“So I can’t see my daughter because you want to help Justin?” He pouts to Deb.

 

“Michael, not in front of Jenny.” Carl warns him.

 

“We need to go, so say bye Jenny.” I tell her.

 

“Bye Daddy, love you lots.” She tells him.

 

“Love you too, honey bun.” Michael tells her.

 

I drive off to see Michael in the yard waving his hands at Deb. I really don’t care. 

 

JUSTIN

 

John and I were watching the boys swim in the pool. I spent the afternoon getting Gus supplies to create with. He showed me his notebook where he draws things. I could see he was developing his skill and if encouraged, could really do well one day. I was looking through pictures John took on his last trip, when Brian and Jenny came out to the back. Brian walked over to me and leaned over me for a kiss. Jenny went to the side of the pool to talk to the boys.

 

“Everything go okay for Jenny?” I ask him.

 

“She seemed to have a good time with him.” He tells me.

 

“What happened, you seem tense?” I ask him.      

 

“Michael wanted to know why I couldn’t love him.” Brian tells me.

 

“Did you tell him because he was a petulant asshole?” John asks Brian.

 

“Maybe it would have saved time. I’m just tired of it all.” Brian tells us.

 

“John can you watch the kids, I want to help Brian get changed?” Justin asks John.

 

“Sure.” He tells us.

 

I follow Brian into the house and up the stairs to the bedroom. He starts taking off his suit and piling it on the bed. I put his jacket on the hanger and wait for him to tell me what’s bothering him.

 

“It can’t be just Michael, what’s really bothering you?” I ask him.

 

“Deb kind of pissed me off, questioning why John is staying here.” He tells me.

 

“It’s not really for her to question.” I tell him.

 

“Justin, why is he here?” He asks me.

 

“I like that you're more carefree with him. To me you two have a healthy friendship. I also think he is looking for a place to call home. I know how that feels, because I’ve been searching for twelve years.” I tell him.

 

“How can you not have a problem with my past with him?” He asks me.

 

“Do you want me to be jealous?” I ask him trying to contain my laughter.

 

“YES, you could at least act like it bothers you.” He tells me then rolls his eyes and starts smirking.

 

“Oh Brian, how could you not have saved yourself for me? I mean you could have lived without sex for twelve years. It would have been so romantic.” I tell him in a girly voice, putting my hand over my heart.

 

“Shut up twat.” he tells me.

 

“Brian, I don’t know what to say, but he doesn’t even bring it up. When I see him looking at you, I see someone who respects my place in your life. I’m also shamelessly using him to help me with what I need to get a painting done.” I tell him.

 

“Just don’t use your twink power on him, we might never get him to move out.” He tells me.

 

“Twink power can only be used for good.” I tell him.

 

He pulls me to him and I reach up to kiss his chin.

 

“You can only use it on me.” He tells me and pecks me on the lips.

 

“What if I need it to get something from Emmett or Ted.” I joke.

 

“Ted would be blinded by it and you’d have Blake up your ass. Emmett wouldn’t fall for it.” He tells me.

 

“Guess you’re right, only on you.” I tell him.

 

“Think John can watch the kids while you soap my back?” He asks me.

 

“See he already has his uses.” I tell him following him into the shower.

 

DEB

 

I was excited to see where Justin lived in New York. Emmett and Drew were letting Ted, Blake, and John stay with them. Justin wanted Jen and me to stay with him and the kids. Justin had a four bedroom house in a good neighborhood. Jen told me that she insisted that he look outside the city for a place to raise her grandson.

 

“You and Jenny can have one of the guest rooms, Mom usually uses the one Gus was using.” Justin tells me.

 

“Gus and I will have to share, just don’t hog the bed.” Jacob tells Gus.

 

“You're the one who takes up a whole bed.” Gus tells him.

 

“Or you can sleep on the daybed in my office.” I tell Gus.

 

“It’s better than being kicked off the bed.” Gus sticks his tongue out at Jacob.

 

“They swear they are never sharing a bed with anyone.” Brian tells us.

 

“Like that would happen with your genes in them.” I tell Brian.

 

“Deb, help me make up the room for you and Jenny.” Jen tells me.

 

I walk in the room and can tell Jen isn’t happy with me. I try to think what would have upset her and can’t come up with anything.

 

“What Jen?” I ask as she shuts the door.

 

“Deb, Brian doesn’t need you bring up his past all the time.” She tells me.

 

“I was kidding.” I tell her.

 

“You’re saying it in front of his children. You do realize that Jacob and Gus absorb every word said around them.” She tells me.

 

“I’m not saying it to be mean, it’s just how I always talk to him.” I tell her.

 

“I don’t think he takes it that way, but you need to realize that he is not that Brian anymore. I listen to you go on and on about John staying with them, but it seems like they are all getting along. I didn’t need to know that Brian and John slept together, it’s their past, not what is going on now. As long as Justin doesn’t have a problem with it, we need to stay out of it.” She tells me.

 

“I just don’t get how he could let Michael run him off and be okay with someone Brian actually slept with.” I tell her.

 

BRIAN

 

“I really think you let John stay with us just to confuse everyone.” I tell him.

 

“Hey, they’re too busy gossiping to worry about us. I figured it would give us time for us.” He tells me.

 

I hear a knock on the front door and Jacob yells he’ll get the door. I asked Justin why he always wants to answer the door. Justin said Jacob thinks that it was a privilege he got for turning eleven. I asked what he was going to use for twelve, Justin’s answer ‘mowing the lawn’.

 

“Dad, Uncle Ben wants to see you.” Jacob yells up to us.

 

“I’d like to see Uncle Ben too.” I whisper to Justin.

 

“Brian don’t be an ass to him. Let me talk to him first.” He tells me.

 

I follow Justin down the stairs and see Ben standing there, he definitely didn’t like seeing me here. He’d better get used to it or walk away.

 

“Justin can we talk outside?” Ben asks him.

 

“If you need to, but Brian is going to come with us.” Justin tells him.

 

“I’m surprised he’s still standing, unless Daphne doesn’t know.” He tells Justin.

 

“Daphne is here with Thomas, he finally managed to ask her on a date.” Justin tells him.

 

We walk out the back of the house and Ben sits at the table outside like he belongs here. I grabbed a chair and pulled Justin to sit with me, just loved the look he was giving me.

 

“Why are you back with him?” He asks Justin.

 

“We talked and found out that there were things that I didn’t know.” Justin tells him.

 

“Justin, you were doing fine without his shit in your life.” Ben tells him.

 

“He’s Jacob’s father. Jacob deserves the chance to have Brian in his life. I love him, Ben. I need you to support me in this decision because I won’t change it.” Justin tells him.

 

“Justin, all he ever did was hurt you, can’t you see he’s not someone you should want to be with.” He tells him.

 

“Ben, what I do with Brian is my business, not yours. Brian isn’t responsible for Michael, and you need to stop letting that color your decisions.” Justin tells him.

 

“He and Michael couldn’t stop playing games, they didn’t care who was hurt or left out by it, as long as they were happy.” Ben seems to be trying to convince Justin I’m an asshole.

 

“Since I’m sitting right here why not just tell me what your real problem is, because I don’t think Justin’s figured it out.” I tell Ben.

 

“I just don’t want him to have to watch you and Michael play games. He’s better than being a toy for you to screw over while you mess with his head.” Ben tells me.

 

“Ben, this isn’t your decision.” Justin tells him.

 

“I don’t want you and Jacob hurt by him.” Ben tells Justin.

 

“You don’t want Justin to have a life without you in it.” I tell Ben.

 

“Ben, Jacob and I aren’t going to forget you.” Justin still hasn’t figured this out.

 

“I wanted…” Ben seems to not know what to say, so I guess it’s my turn to tell Justin the truth.

 

“You wanted my son and Justin.” I tell them both.

 

“Brian, not everyone wants me.” Justin tells me.

 

“Maybe not everyone, but Ben does.” I tell him.

 

“Ben, we’re just friends, you know that.” Justin tells him.

 

“I hoped we could move on and work on a relationship.” Ben tells him.

 

“I love you like a friend, I just don’t feel more.” Justin tries to let him down nicely.

 

“I would have treated you like a prince.” Ben tells him.

 

“I want to be treated like man, not something breakable.” He tells Ben.

 

“No, you want to be treated like Brian’s boy toy.” He tells Justin.

 

“Ben, maybe you should leave. Brian and I are getting married and I won’t have you trying to tear us apart.” Justin tells him.

 

“I don’t know if I can be happy for you.” He tells Justin.

 

“Then I don’t know if we can still be friends.” Justin tell him.

 

Justin sags down on my lap as Ben leaves through the gate. It’s hard on him to lose friends, but I’m not going to sit back while people try to convince him to leave me.

 

“I didn’t know.” Justin tells me sadly.

 

“It’s why he didn’t tell you anything. He saw a chance to have the family he always wanted.” I tell him.

 

“I never gave him any reason to think I was open to the possibility. I was dating and he never seemed to care.” He tells me.

 

“He was waiting for you to be ready to settle down.” I tell him.

 

“I guess I shouldn’t introduce him to John?” He tells me.

 

“I doubt John would want someone who wanted Michael.” I tell him.

 

“I just thought it would be good for Ben to start seeing someone. He was always available to watch Jacob. He never seemed to even try to see people. Fuck me.” Justin puts his head on my shoulder looking up in the trees.

 

“I will when everyone goes to bed. Justin, you didn’t notice because you weren’t thinking of Ben like that. He’ll eventually get over it.” I tell him.

 

“If he can’t be civil to you then it won’t matter. I just hope he doesn’t ignore Jacob.” He tells me.

 

“We’ll make sure Jacob doesn’t notice, if he does.” I tell Justin.

 

I turn his head and press our lips together. Justin opens to invite me in. We sit outside with each other and ignore the world for a few minutes. I want days like this where no one matters but each other and the kids.

 

EMMETT

 

Justin and I were shopping while the guys took the kids out with the Grandmas. Brian told me to let Justin talk to me about Ben if he needed to. I was confused at what was going on with Ben.

 

“So, Ben wanted you?” I ask him.

 

“You don’t have to sound like it’s a huge leap to believe.” Justin tells me pulling out a sailor suit. 

 

“Baby, I’m just trying to figure out how you didn’t know.” I tell him.

 

“I think Brian’s right, I didn’t notice because I only saw a friend.” He tells me.

 

“Ben will get over it.” I try to sound reassuring.

 

“I’m not going to let it matter. Brian and my kids have to be first.” He tells me.

 

“I can go see Ben and talk to him. I know you don’t want him hurt.” I tell him.

 

“If you want to you can. Hopefully he only thinks he wants me.” Justin pulls out a baseball outfit.

 

“Baby, Drew plays football.” I tell Justin.

 

“Is there a difference?” Justin asks me.

 

“Yes there is, you are going to spend some time with Jacob and me so we can explain it to you.” I tell him.

 

Justin and I finish shopping and I decide to go see Ben, because I can tell Justin isn’t happy that Ben is pulling this shit. I go to his office at the school and wait for him to come in.

 

“Hi, can I help you… Emmett how are you?” Ben asks me.

 

“Pregnant and not too happy with you.” I tell him.

 

“Emmett, I really don’t want to talk about it.” He tells me.

 

“You don’t get a choice, you’ve got Justin upset because you can’t accept that he’s with Brian.” I tell him.

 

“He deserves someone who will love only him and Jacob.” He tells me.

 

“He isn’t going to make what Michael did go away.” I tell Ben.

 

“I don’t care about Michael anymore.” He tells me.

 

“Yet you want someone who was hurt by Brian and Michael.” I tell him.

 

“He would understand what it was like.” He tells me.

 

“Ben for a smart man, you can be an idiot.” I tell him.

 

“Because I think Justin deserves to be treated like a treasure?” He asks me.

 

“No, because beyond being hurt, you two don’t have a lot in common. What did you plan to do, go sit and talk every night about how Brian and Michael were bastards to not think of you two?” I ask him.

 

“Justin and I don’t even mention them.” Ben tells me.

 

“Why, so you could keep Brian away from his son?” I ask him.

 

“Jacob had me, why did he need Brian?” He asks me.

 

“Because Brian is his father, not you. Don’t you understand that Justin will never love anyone the way he loves Brian?” I ask him.

 

“Shit, why do they all love the bastard?” He asks me.

 

“I couldn’t really tell you. Justin does and that’s all that matters to me.” I tell him.

 

“Can you tell Justin that I need time, but I hope we can still be friends.” Ben tells me.

 

“Sure Sugar, but don’t forget Jacob in all of this.” I tell him.

 

“I’ll call Jacob.” He smiles at me.

 

“Hopefully I’ll see you around.” I tell him as I leave. I did what I could to make Baby happier. Now Daddy needs a donut.

 

 


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