Justin could tell how angry Debbie was when she got into the car and nothing he said was going to make a bit of difference. Debbie was very protective of all her boys. She would stand by you and defend you to the death. What Brian’s so-called “real” family had done to him was inexcusable in her eyes. Family are supposed be a gift, not something to throw away. Well, Brian was part of her family and she would never throw him away.

“Deb, would you drop me off at the loft? I want to give this back to Brian and let him know what happened.”

“Sure, Sunshine. I can come up with you, you know. Or wait out front for you.”

“I can take the bus back to Ethan’s apartment. You don’t have to wait for me. Go on home. I’m sure Vic is anxious to hear what happened.”

“You’re right about that. Okay.” She leaned over and gave Justin a kiss on his cheek, leaving the expected lipstick imprint. She rubbed it with her thumb to erase the evidence.

“Thanks for coming with me. I know you want to see Brian right now, but I want to do this by myself.”

“Sure, baby, no problem. I’m just glad John finally told the truth.” She watched as Justin got out and waited until he had keyed in the door code and disappeared inside the brick building. As she watched, she knew that Justin still cared for Brian. She would even bet that he had never stopped loving him. And Brian, she had figured out long ago loved Justin. She had just wished he was able to accept that love. To realize he was worthy of it. She knew they belonged together and hoped with all her heart that they would finally know it too.

As he walked up the familiar stairs, he was surprised at all the memories that came flooding back. He thought about the very first time he climbed these steps, following the tall, gorgeous brunet to the fourth floor. He didn’t even know his name yet. Brian never offered it and he was too nervous to think about asking. He shook his head at the fact that it had been almost three years since that first time. Three years full of memories. Some bad, like the time he and Daphne found him and the zucchini man naked on the sofa. But most were good. Very good, in fact.

He stood outside the heavy metal door, suddenly thinking that he should have called before coming over. There was no telling what was going on in the loft. He raised a hand and knocked on the heavy door. A few seconds later, the door slid back and Brian was standing there in front of him. He was dressed in a white wife-beater and worn jeans. Definitely one of Justin’s favorite looks.

“Hey,” Brian said when he saw who was there. “What’s up?”

“I, uh,” he pulled the bracelet from his pocket. “I just wanted to return this. Your nephew admitted he was lying. Carl knows. They’re going to drop the charges against you. Claire and John have to go down to the police station to see Carl in the morning.”

“Thanks.” A short silence befell the two men before Brian spoke again. “And what did you have to do with this?” Brian nodded toward the leather and shell bracelet held in Justin’s hand.

Justin shrugged. Brian reached for the bracelet. “Here, let me,” He took Brian’s arm and tied the leather band around his wrist. He was so intent on his actions that he didn’t see the way Brian was looking at him. If he had, he would have seen the longing in Brian’s eyes. As Justin finished, Brian’s face became impassive again and he slowly let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “There,” Justin said when he was done.

Brian looked down at his wrist. “Thanks.” Justin nodded. “Would you like to come in? I was just going to order some Chinese. Or do you have to get back home to the boyfriend?”

“No. He’s at the studio, practicing for the Heifetz competition.” He saw Brian’s smirk, letting him know he didn’t really care what the fiddler was up to. “I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not intruding. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you here.” He walked into the loft without turning to see if Justin was following him. He went into the kitchen to get them each a beer. Justin stood at in the entry by the kitchen, almost expecting Brian to pour a bottle of Evian over his head. “Shut the door.”.

Justin did as he was told. Unlike the first time, now he did it without any hesitation. Brian handed him a beer, walked over to the sofa and sat down on one end, his beautiful bare feet resting on the cushion. Justin sat at the other end facing Brian, knees bent, careful not to let their feet touch. Neither spoke, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable.

After several chugs of beer, Justin looked at Brian and smiled.

“What?” Brian asked. How he missed that smile.

“Does this seem a little strange to you? Us sitting here like this?

“No, Sunshine. It’s where you belong. Where you’ve belonged all along.”

Justin wasn’t sure what to make of Brian’s words. “Brian,” he started, but wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. God, how he missed being here with Brian. All the quiet times they spent in the loft together after the bashing, when just being together was enough. Before the rules and the baths and...Ethan.

Brian moved to the edge of the sofa by Justin’s legs. They stared at each other for a minute, searching for the right words or right actions. Justin knew he had to make the first move. He reached up and caressed Brian’s face with his hand. Brian turned and kissed the open palm. “Justin,” he whispered, eyes closed, inhaling the Justin scent he had been missing for so long. He felt Justin move then pull his hand away. Brian kept his eyes shut. He didn’t want to see if Justin was leaving. Maybe he overstepped the bounds, maybe he read Justin wrong. He then felt soft lips on his, a tender kiss. A kiss he remembered from so long ago. He knew it was okay to open his eyes. Justin was still there. “Are you sure?” he asked softly.

Justin nodded, taking hold of Brian’s hand. “I’m surer of this than of anything else in my life right now.” Brian stood, still holding Justin’s hand and led him into the bedroom. The tender kisses became more urgent as shirts and pants were shed. Justin quickly toed off his shoes and socks and fell on the bed with his lover. Yes, Brian was his only lover. The others, including Ethan, were nothing compared to this, to being held and kissed by Brian Kinney.

Brian stared into blue eyes. Justin never flinched, holding Brian’s stare. “Justin,” Brian moaned and leaned down to kiss soft lips. Slow, tender kisses soon became urgent as tongues mingled among the hot breath. When it became necessary to breathe, they parted. Brian savored the taste he’d missed for so long. Tongue, teeth, and lips left wet trails down Justin’s pale body til Brian’s mouth found what it craved. He held the base of Justin’s cock with one hand as he did wondrous things with his tongue. The swirling and licking was making Justin moan and cry out. His voice came in short gasps. Brian knew Justin wasn’t going to last much longer and he wanted to be inside him when he came. He reached for the lube and a condom and placed himself between Justin’s legs. Justin raised his legs over Brian’s shoulders and lifted his hips. Brian finished placing lube on his own hard cock and reached to prepare Justin’s hole.

He was surprised when Justin grabbed his hand. “Take it easy,” he said. “It’s been a while.” Brian looked at him for a second and understood what Justin was saying. He hadn’t bottomed for the fiddler. Brian was still the only one he had. He nodded and smiled at the revelation and placed his hard cock at the entrance. One push and the velvety head penetrated the opening. He stopped, letting Justin get used to the size. “More, please. More now,” Justin said as he moved closer to Brian, forcing the large cock further into his ass. They fell into a familiar rhythm. When Brian knew Justin was close, he wrapped his hand around Justin’s cock and duplicated the rhythm with his hand. It didn’t take long for them both to come. Brian collapsed onto his arms to keep from hurting Justin. Their lips met in a gentle kiss. When Brian pulled back, Justin was smiling, and he couldn’t help but smile too. The smiles turned into soft laughter. Justin was home where he belonged.

Afterward, Brian and Justin laid on the bed in a tangle of arms and legs. Brian held Justin tightly to his body, afraid he would fade away if he was let loose. Justin was happy with his head on Brian’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. It had been too long for both of them and they needed the close contact. As Justin drifted off to sleep, violin music played in his head. He squeezed his eyes shut to block it out. How, he wondered, was he going to tell Ethan. He liked Ethan, but he never loved him, not like this, not ever. The sad thing was, he was sure Ethan knew. There was always a desperation when they were together - like Ethan was trying too hard to be what he knew Justin wanted. But he also knew he would never succeed. The steady beating of Brian’s heart soon lulled Justin to sleep.

Brian let his fingers play softly through the blond hair. He was trying to grasp everything that happened to him in the past few days. But most of all, what Justin’s being here meant. Would he stay this time or was this just a one-time thing. He closed his eyes and shook his head. No, it couldn’t have been. There was too much love in the blue eyes that stared up at him. No, this was real. He was sure of it. He felt Justin’s breathing slow and his muscles relax. This is how it should have been these past months. “I love you, Justin,” Brian said softly, once he was sure Justin was asleep... Maybe soon he would be able to say those words to Justin’s face. He would do it right this time, he promised himself, because this is what he wanted all along.

Brian fell asleep with his arms around Justin. No matter how much they moved around in the dark, they always managed to find their way back to each other.

Across town, Carl Horvath had just gotten home from work. His pistol was in the locked box in the hall closet. His badge and watch sat on his dresser in the bedroom. His gray suit was in a bag, ready for the cleaners. He went about his routine just like any other day. But this wasn’t any other day. No indeed, it wasn’t. On this day he found out he had a son. Well, he probably had a son. He sat down on his brown leather couch. An open can of cold Old Pitt beer had been placed carefully on a coaster on the coffee table. Next to it was an unopened box that had been hidden for 30 years. At first, he would take it out every day or so and look at the objects, longing for what had been. Then maybe once a month, then a few times a year if he happened to come across it putting clothes away. Memories die whether you wanted them to or not. Whether you ever thought they would or not.

When he married, the box moved from the dresser drawer to the back of the closet, finally forgotten for many years. This was the first time it had been removed in, what, 25 years? Probably. But the events of the last two days brought all the memories back.

Carl sat on the edge of the sofa, arms resting on his knees, hands folded. He reached for the beer can and lifted it to his mouth. Sweat from the outside of the can dripped unnoticed onto the table.

“This is ridiculous,” he said out loud, although no one else was there. “I’m not some lovesick schoolboy.”

He let out a big sigh and quickly removed the lid before he lost his nerve. Actually, there wasn’t much in the box. Two ticket stubs, a matchbook, a few snapshots, just little stuff with big memories. The last thing he took out was a scarf she wore the last day they were together. She forgot it when she went home that afternoon. He always thought she left it on purpose. Maybe she did. He remembered how beautiful she was with the filmy blue material around her neck. He put all the objects back into the box and replaced the lid.

What do I do now, he thought. Joan Kinney had left him, without an explanation, in late September. Brian Kinney was born less than seven months later. Joan’s husband had been gone for almost six weeks during the time she got pregnant. Brian Kinney had to be his son. If at that moment someone asked him how he felt, he wouldn’t be able to tell them. He felt everything and nothing at the same time.

What would he say to Joan if he saw her now? Not if, but when he saw her, because he knew he had to. She was the only one who knew the whole truth. From what little he had been able to pick up about Brian’s childhood, he wasn’t sure he’d like the Joan she had become. And Debbie. Jesus, what, and how, would he tell her? And Brian. He couldn’t imagine what this would do to him. He sat back and closed his eyes. His life had just gotten very complicated and several other lives were about to experience the same thing. He was suddenly scared. Would all this change the way Debbie felt about him? He couldn’t begin to think how Joan would react. If she had just been truthful with him. Who knows? And Brian. On the outside, acting so strong. Many of the barriers he had formed as a child still solidly in place. But he knew there was another person there. One not so strong and sure of the world he lived in. In many ways, still, a child wanting to be held and loved the way every child deserved. The way his child would have been if things had been different.