June 18, 1959:

The little boy was being taken to the circus for his fifth birthday and he could hardly contain himself. He loved the glitter and sawdust. The sparkling costumes dazzled him and the joyous music made him want to get out of his seat to dance up and down the line of chairs. His mother, a lovely-looking blonde lady who resembled the tow-headed boy to a tee, did her best to calm the youngster down but to no avail. The excitement in the air was too invigorating for the child. He loved it all...the clowns, the lion tamers, the acrobats, the elephants, but nothing on earth more than when the troupe of trapeze artists marched out into the ring. 
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Justin, as his mother called him, came to a dead stop as he watched the three men and single woman climbing ever upward to the top of the tent. One man reached a swing nearly at the end of the netting below them and settled down onto the narrow perch. The other three performers climbed up to a wide pedestal where another swing was tethered waiting for its first rider. The lights dimmed and young Justin's mouth gaped open wide as his eyes drank in the sparkling lights that danced off the performer's costumes from the spotlights that illuminated only them. A gasp of pure pleasure escaped the youth as he watched the first man pull the swing back and then launch himself into outer space. 
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For the next twenty minutes or so young Justin never let his eyes wander from the breathtaking sight of men soaring through the air and flipping head over heels, being caught just in the nick of time by a tightly-muscled man who seemed totally in charge and without an ounce of fear. The rest of the circus was almost anti-climactic for the child. He spent the entire half-hour of the ride home chattering on and on about the flying men on the trapeze. His mother was amused at her son's ramblings...his father indifferent. Justin didn't notice either of them. All he could think of was the colors, the bright lights, and beautiful people he had just seen. The happy memory would have to sustain him for many years to come. It was the last happy moment of his youth. 
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June 18, 1975: 
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Justin Taylor was turning twenty one on this very day, but he felt no special thrill about it. So what if he could drink legally now.....he'd been doing it since his early teens. It had been the one way he could tolerate living with his father. The old man hadn't even noticed his missing liquor from the bottles. He was drunk himself most of the time...not that Justin stayed drunk, but it helped to have a buzz going when his father started picking on him or became downright abusive after coming home from work. The only time Justin had any peace was on the weekends when his father would escape his own unhappy life by spending time with his cronies at a cabin retreat or on a 'business' trip with his latest personal assistant/girlfriend in tow. 
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Justin's mind drifted back to the one birthday that still clung to the edges of his memory. It was one of the few happy memories from his childhood. He had been treated with a trip to the circus by his mother, But every time he remembered how much he loved that day his mind would inevitably drift forward the few days it took before his whole life crashed around him into painful splinters that poked at the very core of his existance. That was the day his mother was killed in a car crash on her way to his school to pick him up from kindergarten class. It was the day that destroyed any future happy memories of his childhood that might have been. Justin would spend the next thirteen years under his father's ever-present dark shadow that kept any bright redeeming lights out of the young boy's life. 
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Justin had prayed for the day he could make his own way in the world. He had worked hard at Summer jobs and after school part-time jobs since early on. His father didn't care one way or the other and made that clear when Justin first asked if he could take a job after school at a local burger joint when he was sixteen. His father never even asked what Justin was doing with his money so he was completely unaware that his son was saving up to attend college at a local art academy. Craig Taylor had simply presumed his only child would attend a business school as he had done and then help his father in the family furniture and appliance business. He had never taken the time to find out if that future even interested the boy. 
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Justin graduated high school only weeks before his eighteenth birthday. He had been extremely relieved to get out of the claustrophobic atmosphere of his upper class private school where the athletes and snobbish cliques dominated every waking moment of the student body's school days. Even the majority of the teachers acted like they were better than other people simply by virtue of their St. James Academy credentials. There was little room for diversity at the school or among its inhabitants and Justin never did fit in with his artistic leanings and independent thinking. He had very few friends throughout the years outside of one young lady that lived right next door named Daphne Chanders. 
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This had been another red flag for many of his classmates. Justin hung around with Daphne but there had never been a hint of a romance between them. Outside of Daphne, Justin never showed an interest in any of the girls. It was like waving a red flag in front of an angry bull. Although Justin had never made any overt moves or uttered any statements that indicated he was interested in boys rather than girls, it became a running joke among the jocks and others that Justin was the token gay boy at St. James. Justin had never denied nor confirmed the rumors, but simply endured the teasing and harrassment with an eye towards the day he could say good-bye forever to the place and all who dwelled there. 
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His father had not even shown up for his graduation ceremony. He had an 'urgent' business appointment out of town that week. He had gotten back just in time to have one final blow-up with his son only a week before Justin's eighteenth birthday. Craig Taylor had simply asked Justin which University he was going to attend. When Justin announced that it would be a small art academy in town Craig let loose a torrent of abusive rhetoric about ungrateful sons who didn't appreciate the hard work a father went through to provide a future legacy for their only child. He ranted on and on with attempts to guilt Justin into accepting his responsibilities for continuing the family tradition of running the business that had been in the family for three generations already. 
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Justin had been implacable in his refusal to bend to his father's wishes. He stood his ground for the first and last time with the man who had been a constant source of misery from his earliest memories. By the end of the day Justin was out of his childhood home and sleeping in the guest room at Daphne's house. A week later he and Daphne found a tiny two-bedroom apartment close to both the University she would attend and the art academy he would attend come Fall. With the help of Daphne's parents, the couple settled in and celebrated Justin's birthday in their new home. It was a sad little affair with Daphne providing a mini cake with the number '18' drawn in sweet icing over the top and two candles stuck in the middle, one in the shape of a one and another in the shape of an eight. Justin blew out his candles and kept his fondest wish a secret so that it might come true some day. 
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That first Summer on his own was a busy one for Justin. He had been accepted by the art academy but his father refused to foot the bill and he couldn't get a scholorship because of his father's earnings. Justin had enough money saved for the first year just as he had planned for some time while working during his teen years, but he still had to be conservative. He didn't want to lean too much on Daphne's parents, so he continued working at the diner job he had gotten a few months earlier which offered him some decent tips on a good day as a waiter/busboy. 
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Once classes started at their different schools, he and Daphne settled into a routine that fit both their schedules and their temperaments. They studied a lot but had little of what could be called a social life. They were too busy, or so they told themselves. Daphne finally found a young man who not only enjoyed her company but didn't resent the young man who lived with her. At the end of his second school year Justin finally met another student who he believed was the answer to his eighteenth birthday wish. He lived the dream for just barely a year. 
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Ethan Gold was a volatile violinist whose family had emigrated to America during the war in Europe. His grandfather had been a renowned violinist throughout Europe and encouraged his grandson to be the best. The two young men met during a small on-campus concert which featured Ethan and their attraction was instantaneous. Ethan's family came from money and within weeks Justin had moved into Ethan's large apartment. Justin had wished for someone who would love him unconditionally and give him the support that he had not gotten at home since his mother's death. He was sure he had found all that in Ethan. He might have continued to live the fantasy he had created in his mind and avoided the warning signals that kept popping up concerning Ethan's possessiveness and controlling behavior but for an incident right around their first anniversary which made it impossible to avoid what was staring him in the face all along. 
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Justin had gotten used to Ethan's jealous nature. At first he had been flattered, telling himself that Ethan loved him so much he just didn't want to share one minute of his boyfriend's time with anyone else. Justin had little in the way of example as to what a healthy relationship between couples was all about. He was just grateful that someone seemed to care about him. He craved it after starving from lack of care for so long. He had learned how to avoid Ethan when he went into one of his less than attractive moods, just as he had done with his father. Somehow he had survived the bad times with Ethan, devouring the good times as if they were all that mattered, even though they were becoming fewer and farther between as the year progressed. A couple of weeks before Justin's twenty-first birthday was the day that woke Justin up and served as the proverbial last straw. 
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Ethan had received the opportunity of a lifetime when he was entered in a musical contest being held in Philadelphia that would lend him a great deal of prestige if he won. He was extremely irritated that Justin had been unable to go with him after his boss refused to give him time off. Ethan never hid the fact that it bothered him that Justin continued to work and pay his own way even though Ethan had wanted to support him and was certainly capable of it, thanks to his family's money. Justin's job was important to him. He still had his fourth and final year at the academy to pay for and not nearly enough money saved up for the classes yet. 
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Ethan had called Justin repeatedly while he was gone for the two days and somehow kept missing him. By the time he arrived home at their apartment he was in a mood far more foul than ever before. He had not done near as well against his competitors as he had expected and Ethan never handled losing well. On top of that he hadn't spoken to his boyfriend once while gone. The second day in Philly he had even picked up a trick to soothe his ruffled feathers...a drooling young fan who liked the way he stroked his bow...and he deflected his guilty conscience onto Justin. He convinced himself that Justin was off cheating with some other guy despite the fact that the blond had never given him any reason not to trust him. It didn't help that he walked into his apartment and found Justin sitting on the couch with a rather striking young man whom Ethan had never met. 
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Somehow Ethan had controlled his raging temper just until Justin escorted the stranger out the door. Justin was about to explain that the young man was a good friend of Daphne's and her boyfriend and the two of them were planning a party to celebrate the couple's recent engagement, but the words died in his throat as Ethan's fist connected to Justin's cheek for the very first time. Justin fell backward and lay sprawled on the lush carpeting in the living room. He was far too deep in shock to respond at first. Ethan had been verbally abusive for some time but Justin was used to that kind of treatment. He had lived with it most of his life. This was different. No one had ever hit him before. Even his own father had not gone that far. 

Justin rubbed at the tender spot where his jawbone ached from the force of the blow. It already felt swollen. It took a moment for Justin to realize that Ethan was pacing back and forth frantically in front of his legs and stopping only long enough to point down at the shocked young man. 
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"Why the fuck did you make me do that? Dammit Justin, you couldn't even stay faithful for two fucking days? I trusted you! I have a shit time trying to please a bunch of snobs with tin ears who prefer the screeching violin of some half-assed newcomer over my practiced work. Then I come home to find you nose to nose on my couch with some piece of shit pick-up! How do you think that makes me feel? I'm sorry I hit you but you provoked me! I at least thought I could trust you if no one else in this world," he ranted, barely taking time to even draw a full breath. 
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Justin continued to sit there on the floor and try to make sense of what had just happened. He couldn't decide how to react. What in the world had made Ethan think he was cheating? Justin's confusion rapidly turned to anger. How dare Ethan think that he had the right to lay a finger on him. In a matter of seconds Justin made up his mind. He rose quickly from the floor and faced Ethan down. 
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"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he shouted into Ethan's red face. "Jack and I were talking and nothing more. If you saw something else you'd better get your eyes examined." 
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He rubbed his jaw carefully again. The sharp pain reminded him he wasn't done yet. 
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"And while we're at it, when did I ever make you believe you could hit me and I would just roll over and take it? Is this your idea of what love is? If it is, then we are speaking different languages. I've put up with a lot of shit from you because I really wanted to believe that you truly loved me, but I know now it is crap. I'm not sure you know how to love anything or anyone as much as yourself! I'm outta here!" 
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With that, Justin headed for the front door. He turned as he reached it. The brief stop released Ethan from his frozen position. He rushed over and grabbed Justin's arm. 
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"Don't leave Justin. I'm really sorry. I just had a really bad time missing you and dealing with those crazy people in Philly. I truly didn't mean to do that," he begged. 
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He reached up for Justin's jaw, but the blond yanked his head back to avoid contact. 
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"Are you going to give me that cliche excuse that it was an accident and it will never happen again, cause if you are...don't bother. You're right if you say that however, because I'll never give you another chance to touch me like that again. Now let go of my arm. I'll get my things later. Good bye Ethan." 
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By now Justin was remarkably calm, at least on the outside. Justin yanked his arm free and opened the apartment door. He stepped out into the hallway. As he walked to the elevator he could hear Ethan behind him. 
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"Where do you think you'll go. You can't afford to live the way I've provided for you. You'll end up in another hole in the wall like you were in before I met you. No one really gives a damn about you except for me. You watch, you'll come crawling back and then I'll have to think about whether I want you or not." 
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That last sentence was barely heard by Justin as the door of the elevator slid silently closed. Shortly after, he ended up on the doorstep of his old apartment. Daphne and her live-in boyfriend, Ricky welcomed him in. Daphne finally felt free to admit that she had never really liked Ethan or the way he treated Justin, but had always kept her mouth shut as long as she thought her old friend was happy with the way things were. Justin promised to find a place of his own quickly but Daph and Ricky wouldn't hear of it, which was why Justin was sitting here in Daph's living room and trying to think of how to celebrate his twenty-first. Daph and Ricky had an earlier-planned visit out of town to visit his folks. The apartment was quiet and lonely. Outside of a birthday call from Daph a couple of hours earlier, Justin didn't feel there was anything special about this day. 
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Justin took another gulp of coffee and perused the morning paper. He flipped open the entertainment section in hopes of finding a good movie to watch. Anything was preferable to sitting around alone and praying that Ethan didn't show up on his doorstep again. The bastard had trouble letting go. He had figured out easily enough that Justin had turned to Daphne and once he knew where his ex was living he made repeated attempts to get Justin to change his mind and return to their apartment. Getting his things out of Ethan's place had even involved the police since the man had tried to keep Justin's few possessions hostage in return for Justin coming home to him. Ethan had been cautious enough, however, to stop just short of actual stalking so that Justin couldn't get a restraining order. Justin was beginning to fear his final year at the academy since he knew Ethan still had one more year there too. He was seriously considering making some big changes in his life and putting some real distance between himself and Ethan. 
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As he browsed the ads for a good movie, Justin noticed a particularly colorful ad that drew his attention. It was for a traveling circus and the ad featured dancing girls on the backs of horses, lions snarling at a colorfully-dressed man with a whip in hand, elephants parading with girls hanging from their trunks, and a troupe of flyers in mid air as they flew from one trapeze swing to another and into the waiting hands of another flyer. The costumes were filled with sparkles and dazzling colors. It was an omen. He had just been thinking about the last time he saw a circus. Why not go again, he asked himself? His life had changed right after that last circus visit. Maybe it would happen again, only this time for the better. Heaven knew life couldn't get much worse. He was at a crossroads and maybe this would be the start of something good. 
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In an instant, Justin made up his mind. He checked the address of the site where the circus tents had been erected. He didn't own a car so he called for a cab. Thirty minutes later Justin was on his way to the circus grounds. The show itself was still a couple of hours away but there were sideshows and rides available. Justin would take this opportunity to relive his last truly happy and innocent memory. After that he would worry about his future. 
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He had no way of knowing that his future was already on the circus grounds and in an explosive argument at that very moment. Justin's fate lay in the strong, slender fingers of a man who was about to make a decision that would change Justin's world all over again, just as his world had changed right after that last circus visit so many years ago. If the tall, sinewy man with the chestnut-brown hair and penetrating hazel eyes had known what was coming, he might have had a different argument with the man who had riled his temper, but he would live and learn. His life would be drastically altered on this day too.

To be continued..............