CHAPTER 29: THE NEED TO GET A FEW THINGS… STRAIGHT Part 1
MIAMI
Brian watched from across the room where he was setting up the desktop that had arrived for Justin last evening while they were at Mel’s- HIS- aunt and uncle’s house. It was still hard to believe that they were related; that he had family which ultimately did not include Joan and Claire Kinney. He couldn’t help but feel a little betrayed that it was one of the things Jack had kept to himself before he passed, but he supposed he had a reason for that. Perhaps if he knew what it was, he wouldn’t feel as out-to-sea as he did right now. And it made him wonder just how much more he didn’t know about the entire situation.
The only sure thing out of all these major changes happening in his life at the moment seemed to be Justin. Last night when they arrived back at the hotel room, neither felt like speaking of any of the challenges they were facing now. Instead, Justin set about relieving the most prevalent of Brian’s sudden identity crisis by showing him that Stud Kinney was indeed, not a myth. He’d taken his time with Brian, forcing the man to remember what it was that kept Justin enthralled with him sexually. He’d started off with soft biting and sucking kisses, all the while reassuring Brian that his heritage didn’t matter as much as the man he was; and the man he was still becoming.
From there, things exploded as they often do between he and Justin. A continuous symphony of moans, groans, grunts, and cries of MORE, YES, and NOW ensued as Justin rode him to within an inch of sanity. It was as if a pleasure cruise reached turbulent waters, before the sea of emotion became calm again. If Brian had any doubts left about what Justin felt for him, there weren’t any more. Not only did Justin show Brian that he was important to him, Brian had fallen asleep feeling something he couldn’t ever remember experiencing in his life…
I felt loved, cherished, and worshipped.
The thought sung in his mind, even as Justin looked up from his laptop screen to smile at Brian. He couldn’t fight the impulse to smile back, even while his brain was warring with his own self-image. Being with Justin was changing him in the most unexpected ways, and he couldn’t say that he didn’t like it. Admittedly, he may have been on the fence about all these brand new experiences, but no… he didn’t hate them.
“Hey,” Mel says to the room at large, before turning to Brian directly. “Do you have some time to walk with me awhile?”
“Uh… sure?” Brian finished that last part as if asking a question, while looking over at Justin and Daphne. “I was just going to take the boys shopping again today, but…”
“Don’t worry about it, Brian. Daph and I can handle that. Why don’t you and Mel take Gus and get out of here for awhile. We’ll just be going to the Gap and Foot Locker, so we’ll probably be back here before you will.”
“Justin, the Gap? Seriously? For MY nephews?”
Justin snickers and shakes his head. “Who are still growing, so yes I think a trip to the Gap and Old Navy will be perfect. In fact, on second thought, I think Daphne and I are going to introduce them to the gourmet offerings at Four Guys and a Gal…”
“Justin I don’t want them eating all that crap!”
“Well you don’t have a say since you will NOT be joining us,” Justin said smiling. “Come on, guys, let’s get to shopping and then we can upset Mr. Health-conscious’ sensibilities by having a huge burger with all the fixings.”
“How huge Uncle Justin?” Peter asks, already getting into the spirit of goading his uncle Brian.
“As big as your head. And don’t worry Brian, I’ll bring back a hot dog for you,” he leered suggestively.
Before Brian could respond to that salacious comment, Justin and Daphne hustled the boys out of the hotel suite, leaving Mel and Brian alone. Mel chuckled. “Well he’s certainly a brilliant strategist.”
“How do you figure that?” Brian asked as he began to wrap the cords he was working with into a twisty-tie.
“He managed to stun you speechless. I take it he wasn’t talking about the edible kind of hot dog?” Brian’s blush made her laugh aloud. “I didn’t think so. After all, it wasn’t hard to hear you guys last night with the terrace doors open.”
“Mel, I...”
“Don’t, Brian. Don’t apologize. It was good to hear, even if it was two fags going at it. It was just nice to hear two people who obviously cared deeply for each other having a moment that was about so much more than sex.”
“I won’t even ask how you came to that conclusion.”
“Good, don’t. Because the answer would not only surprise you, but scare you enough that you would close yourself off entirely. Justin doesn’t deserve that.”
“And you do?”
“I honestly couldn’t tell you right now, Brian. I just keep examining where I went wrong.”
“You didn’t,” Brian answers her with surety. “You’re NOT solely responsible for the implosion, Mel. Nor are you any more at fault for Lindsay’s fantasies than I am for Michael’s.”
“Then why does it feel like my fault?”
Brian left the hotel room with Mel and Gus’ stroller in tow. Upon reaching the ground floor, he asked where she wanted to go. When she suggested that they should go down by Biscayne Bay, it sounded good to Brian. It was an area where they could take a walk around the Marina or area by paying a small fee to the Marriott Hotel for a visitor’s pass. It didn’t hurt that if necessary they could have lunch there, and possibly get a mild cocktail at the times when the conversation was almost sure to become too heavy.
Within a few minutes, they had arrived at their chosen spot for the afternoon, which was the Marriott. Since there was always something to do in the Spanish inspired area of Miami, the area wasn’t crowded and it was easy to find a table closest to bayside. After Mel ordered an orange juice, and Brian ordered another cup of coffee, he asked, “So what did you want to talk about, Mel?”
“Everything.”
“Well, that one word encompasses a lot, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, it does. But first things first, I think I owe you an apology.”
“Sorry’s bullshit, Mel. But out of curiosity, what exactly are you faux-apologizing for?”
“Sorry is NOT bullshit when someone really means it, Brian. And I definitely owe you one. This thing with Lindsay... well in thinking about all that’s happened, I can see exactly where she manipulated the both of us.”
“I didn’t help feed your insecurities...much.”
“No, not by much at all, Kinney,” Mel snickered before sobering. “But again, that wasn’t necessarily your fault either. I made an enemy of you without having all the facts, simply because I refused to let myself acknowledge that I was sleeping with her. As they say hindsight is 20/20. It’s not fun in any way, shape, or form, but it does bring clarity to a situation that you would rather not see.”
“So basically you blamed me, because you couldn’t blame her?”
“Exactly, and it’s for that reason I’m apologizing. No, we never would have been best friends…”
“No, just uninformed siblings,” Brian interjected wryly.
“Touche, brother dear. But we could have at least been civil to each other.”
“We were always civil when it counted the most, Mel. So really, there’s no need to apologize for something that, had we not begun working on Justin’s behalf together, wouldn’t have really been an issue. It feels weird though…”
“What does?”
“Being related to you by blood.” Brian scrunched his nose up in a way that caused Melanie to burst out laughing.
“You look like you’ve just given birth to Rosemary’s baby.”
“Worse! Michael!” Brian joins in the laughter and honestly, there couldn’t have possibly been a funnier visual the two of them could have come with.
“Who knows, Brian. He might have enjoyed that, since he was always trying to get into your pants.”
“He wouldn’t have been able to handle me.”
“And Justin can?”
“Sure, since he’s just as HOT as I am. Only a power top can truly appreciate a power bottom such as Justin is. There’s no doubt that he’ll only improve with age. He’s a real nutcracker.” Brian wriggled his eyebrows, leaving no doubt about the term.
“UGH! Brian! I did not need that particular visual, you know? I prefer to keep thinking of Baby as innocent.”
“If what you heard last night didn’t disabuse you of that notion, I’m sure he’ll be happy to provide you with a floor show after we put all the kiddies, and Daphne, to bed.”
Mel shook her head, in both amazement and disbelief. If nothing else, Brian Kinney would always be incorrigible. Somehow, in a world of ever-changing situations, it was a comfort to know that he would stay the same. Although, it looked to her as if he was changing in a major way. He was more playful and easygoing than she’d ever experienced with him before. So much so that she couldn’t help but ask the question she was dying to hear the answer to.
“So, what’s really going on with you and Justin, Brian?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just that you guys seem more- I don’t know- together than I ever thought possible. Does this mean that you’re ready to label what you and Justin really are?”
“And just what are we? From your point of view, I mean.”
“Honestly, boyfriends is way too antiquated and wouldn’t fit Justin’s bill even if it wasn’t. He hasn’t been a boy since he was seventeen and met you.”
“I suppose that’s true.” Brian shrugged. He’d often thought the same thing, but being in court with Justin and hearing all that had gone on with the young man behind the scenes, especially in regards to Kip, Brian couldn’t deny Mel’s assumption. Brian murmured, “Even before that really.”
“So Brian, if you were going to define you and Justin, what would you call it?”
“Between you, me, this table, and the sea, if I was ever going to look for a partner- which we know isn’t happening- I’d say that Justin could be it. Although I probably would have wanted him to be older.”
“Then maybe you should tell him that. In regards to age… well look at two of the people who ARE our ages and how they are acting. Gus at almost two has more maturity than they do, and we won’t even talk about John and Peter.”
“Living with Joan and Claire, you learn to grow up fairly quickly or run the risk of being just like them. Speaking of which, what would the law say in reference to all of these new developments?”
“I’m going to be cautiously optimistic here and say that the State of Pennsylvania is going to want to keep the boys with someone familiar to them, rather than ship them to a complete stranger.”
“Even if said familiar person is gay?”
“As far as those boys are concerned, you are their uncle. No lack of DNA will change their faith in that or you, Brian. But remember, you also have me and Justin there with you, too. You’ve already taken an interest in their wellbeing, and we hired Daphne as their caregiver. If that’s not you preparing to be their full-time guardian, I don’t know what is. So what’s really worrying you about this?”
“Them being forced to go back to Joan. I mean sure, I can provide firsthand accounts of the abuse they would receive at her hands. But that’s just hearsay, right?”
“Yes and no. Considering that the police were called to your house frequently- even back in the days when there weren’t official child abuse laws in place- it will weigh heavily in making the decision for permanent placement.”
“But what if there was a better alternative?”
“Who did you have in mind?”
“Maybe Jennifer.”
“I could see it, but don’t forget she has Molly to deal with. By all accounts, she’s a handful already.”
“What have you heard that I didn’t?”
“You mean Justin didn’t tell you?” Mel says laughing. And then she went on to explain Molly’s machinations in getting Craig out of jail, and then having her Uncle Fred, who hates Craig’s guts, take custody of him until his other trial date comes up.
Brian can’t help but join her in the laughter. “And I always thought Justin was a menace to peace of mind everywhere. Molly is absolutely diabolical, and what’s worse for Craig is that her revenge is all legal and above board. She got her uncle to appear benevolent all the while beating him down. Couldn’t have happened to a more-deserving asshole.”
“That’s the truth if I ever heard it. So back to Justin for a few moments. What do you want to see happen between the two of you?” Mel asked.
“I honestly don’t know. I just don’t want him to feel like he’s missing out on life under the illusion of a lasting relationship, you know?”
“Well, you’re the first one to tell me- or anyone else- that there’s nothing wrong with getting your needs met. Right now, you two are in an open situation. So my advice would be to stay that way until you both feel otherwise, or the situation as a whole no longer serves either of you. I think that’s where I made my biggest mistake with Lindsay.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask, but what are you talking about?”
“Although I was ready for commitment, Brian, I wasn’t ready for all of the compromises that came with being involved with Lindsay.”
“I’ll never get why monogamy is always implied, but never talked about where women are concerned. Some men are also that way, too, I suppose. But with me and Justin, even though I made it clear that he couldn’t expect that from me, he fucked as much and as hard as I did, which I have no doubt will happen again at some point. But that brings me to the question of why you and Leda didn’t make it, or even you and Shavonne. You seem much more suited to one of them than you ever were to Lindsay.”
“Why are you bringing them up?”
“Only that Lindsay always seems to think that Leda was your one who got away. I can’t tell you how many times she referred to her as your Harley-riding harlot. It was more than obvious that she had reason to be jealous or threatened by Leda in more ways than one. But then again, I’ve seen you and Shavonne together when you thought no one was looking. There’s the freedom to be yourself there, and a lot of heat, too.”
“I… I…”
“Yeah, you, Mel. Not so fun to be put on the spot, is it?” Brian smirks, even while Mel scowls at him. It just causes him to chuckle aloud. “You want some brotherly advice?”
“I’m almost afraid to think of what you’re going to suggest, but let’s hear it.”
“Fuck’em, but don’t fall in love with them until you’re sure which one you want to be with. That way, you all get your needs met without any hard feelings between the three of you… Not that any of you can have actual hard feelings anyway because of all the pussy involved.” He mock shivered, letting the innuendo of his last statement sink in.
Instead of being offended, Mel laughed. “You wish for that type of wetness, Kinney. It’s why you have that 64 ounce pump of lube by your bedside.”
“Eww. I can’t handle the fuzzy lezzy visual! Waiter, I need a double JB immediately PLEASE!” Brian begs the passing man, even as Mel continues to laugh hysterically.
“You started it!”