CHAPTER 30: THE NEED TO GET A FEW THINGS… STRAIGHT Part 2

After the third trip back the Four Seasons to drop off purchases, it was clear that Justin, John, and Peter had enough of shopping, but they couldn’t help but laugh at Daphne pouting. “You guys are no fun. It would have been better to go with Brian. Now HE knows how to cater to a lady’s whims.”

“Says the woman who spent the last hour and a half trying on countless outfits to have only bought five of them,” Justin said wryly, even as John and Peter laughed again. 

“But…”

“No, buts, Daph. We’ll continue shopping tomorrow or the next day. But right now, the guys and I are starving.”

“You’re always starving.”

Justin chuckled before he responds, “You don’t fool me, Daphne Chanders. So are you, so come on.”

They left the hotel room once again, only this time in search of food. Even though most of the area where they were mainly consisted of fine dining establishments and spanish-inspired fare, they were happy to see a Four Guys and a Gal fast food joint. It meant that John and Peter could get what Justin would hear was a very rare treat of edible food, while Daphne and Justin could indulge their love of gourmet burgers and fries. After they had all received their orders, they decided to commandeer a table on the outside of the building where they would have a view of the bay. John and Peter were quite mesmerized by the vast body of water and told them so.

“It’s nice here,” John said, picking up his burger and never taking his eyes off the water.

“It is,” Daphne answered. “You’re going to enjoy your time here. I’ve been to Miami a few times, but I never grow tired of this view.”

“That’s right. I forgot that your folks used to vacation down here every summer for the last week in August, leading up to Labor Day,” Justin noted.

“I’ll miss that.”

“Why?” Peter asked. “Your parents are still alive, right?”

Daphne cleared her throat. “Yes. But right now, we’re at an impasse…”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means that we aren’t able to agree on a decision I’ve made and have decided not to speak about it until they can either get over it, or we can come to an understanding in some other way.”

“I’m sorry, Daph.” Justin reached over and squeezed her hand. He knew exactly what her decision was costing her, even if no one else did. The Chanders family was always a close-knit group, and it had to hurt when they disagreed with each other.

“Don’t be, Justin. It’s not anyone’s fault; not even theirs. The problem is that they have raised me to be an independent thinker. I guess they just never expected that by doing so it would someday backfire on them. We just need a little time and distance for a while. This trip is helping that.”

He nodded in understanding. He just hated to see any of them unhappy. The Chanders family as a whole had always been good to him. So he hated to see them in any type of discomfort, especially amongst themselves. “I promise you, Daph, that it will all work out. Now that I’m getting my inheritance, the way I was supposed to on my eighteenth birthday, you’re not going to regret going against the grain. If I have, you have. Remember?”

“I remember, Jus.”

“Does that go for us, too?” Peter asked, even as his brother admonished him.

Justin smiled in response. “That especially goes for you two, as well. You’re my family now, too. And I always take care of my family.”

“What’s going to happen to us?” John asked.

“What do you mean?”

“We… we overheard the conversation with Melanie and someone else on the phone last night, telling them that she and Uncle Brian found out that they’re brother and sister. But how can that be, since as far as we know, Uncle Brian and Mom were the only two children of Grandmother and Grandpa?”

“It’s kinda complicated, but I’m certain that you both have nothing to worry about. It’s true that Brian and Mel are siblings, like you and Peter are. But unlike the two of you, they are just finding out.”

“We don’t want to go back to live with Grandmother or Mom. They were… well, they weren’t very nice,” Peter said in a small voice.

“If we have anything to say about it, you won’t guys. Your aunt Melanie is veritable pitbull inside of a courtroom. She’ll make sure that the judge has all the facts before he or she makes a decision.”

“And you’re of this, how?”John asked. “It’s not that we don’t trust you, Uncle Justin. It’s just… our father didn’t want us. Uncle Brian… well, I know now that the times when he was somewhat mean was because of Mom and Grandmother, but…”

“Trust me, guys. I know you aunt and uncle very, VERY well. And I know that they do not make promises lightly. If Uncle Brian says that things will work out for the best, they usually do and he works tirelessly to see that happen. Same thing with your Auntie Mel. It isn’t hard to see just why they are related. But if you have any doubts, remember what they did for me a few days ago, okay?”

“You’re talking about the court cases that Mom was ranting about?”

Justin smiled, thinking of just how angry Claire was that she could no longer call him anything but a little rich boy, instead of the gold-digging whore she thought of him as. “Yes, I am. I was hurt some time ago, and the person responsible had received five-hundred hours community service instead of being sent directly to jail. Well, your Uncle Brian and Aunt Melanie were sure that wasn’t right, and began putting the cases together. So when we went before the judge, she saw all the evidence and heard the testimonies from not only me and Brian, but some people who weren’t even called to testify at the original trial. So I was awarded a lot of money for my pain and suffering, and also because the justice system had failed to do its job properly. That is why I’m sure that if Mel and Brian are working with you and for you, the judge will be given all of the information to make the right decision.”

They both nodded. Daphne smiled and asked the boys if they would like to go to the rail to look at the water. When they nodded and after clearing the table of the trash, she advised them to stay within sight and not lean too far over the railing. She instinctively knew that they needed time to digest all of what Justin had told them. After switching her seat so that she could keep an eye on them without hovering, she looked over to her best friend and said, “You were so good with them, Justin.”

He shrugged and responded, “I know how they feel. It’s not fun to be in a position where you’re unsure of your place in life.”

Daphne thought a moment. “You’re talking about Brian, aren’t you?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know, Daph.”

“Justin, do you remember our talk on the phone the other night before I decided to come with you guys?”

“Yes.”

“Do you remember what I said about Brian?”

“Yeah. But I can’t stop waiting for the moment when he pushes me away again. Last night was…”

“Was what?” she asked, after Justin’s thoughts so obviously had drifted.

“Beautiful, amazing… wonderful.”

“Well that sounds about like every other night you have with Brian.”

“No, Daph. This was… this was different somehow.”

“Different isn’t always a bad thing, Justin. You told me that.”

“I know, but it feels like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know?”

“I do, and stop it! We’ve talked about this Justin; about what I see regarding Brian’s actions lately. Why borrow trouble, when it’s time to pay it back?”

Justin thought about her question for a moment. He’d gone over the last few months countless times, stemming all the way back from when he’d woken up from his coma until the present time. Brian had done his utmost to restore Justin to his former self. But in the very back of Justin’s mind, he had to wonder why. Was it just a matter of tricking, and being able to go back to his nocturnal activities without having to worry about Justin’s wellbeing?

“I’ve just been having… doubts, at the most inopportune times, is all I guess.”

“But has Brian himself given you any indications that those doubts should be based in reality?”

“No. No, Brian’s been great throughout all of this. We kinda decided, without actually talking about it, to see where all of this leads.”

“So again, why are you worried? Just tell him what it is you want, and what you can’t tolerate. Is it that you’re wanting the dreaded ‘M’ word?”

“Which dreaded m-word is that? Monogamy or marriage?”

“That’s what you need to answer.”

“Right now, marriage isn’t even a consideration for either one of us. There is too much going on to even contemplate the possibility. Hell, we just became- for lack of a better term- PARENTS, overnight!”

“So take the children out of the equation for a moment. In fact, don’t even consider what you and Brian have been through since before the prom. What was your biggest gripe with Brian? Was it tricking, or something else?”

“It wasn’t the tricking per se. I fucked just as much outside of Brian as I did with him. So no, it wasn’t that. If I’m honest, it was the reason he was doing it in the first place that caused the problems. His actions would tell me that I was special, but then Michael, or Lindsay, or someone else would say something, and then Brian would leave me to go tricking, even on the nights I know within myself he didn’t want to. If words were as worthless as Brian constantly said, and I was to go solely by his actions, then what Michael and Lindsay said about my place in Brian’s life was true.”

“Oh, Justin.” Daphne reached over to lay her head on her friend’s shoulder. The last thing she wanted to do was buy into Justin’s sudden, inexplicable fears by showing any signs of worry and stress on his behalf. Gathering herself emotionally, she said, “I think you and Brian absolutely need to have an honest talk about what you’re expecting from each other. It can’t just be about the kids, and college, and starting Kinnetik, or any of the other million plans you’re going to be submerged in once we get back to the Pitts. It has to be about just the two of you. Sure, things are fine now… Actually, they are better than any of us, or either of you ever expected them to be at this juncture. But no matter the circumstances, and if you’re planning to keep this thing going, then it’s time to trade those scared little boy underoos for some GROWN MAN drawers, and speak your minds once and for all. You two live your lives by own codes already, so why should talking about your relationship together be any different?”

Justin was silent for a time, mulling over what Daphne said. She was right that he and Brian had played by their own rules thus far… well, at least that was the case when they played separately. But this was so much more than that. There were others involved, and who would be affected by the decisions they made, regardless of them being directly involved in Brian and Justin’s personal relationship or not. Maybe some ground rules were in order; he didn’t know. 

It wasn’t like he wanted to limit Brian in any way, especially with the news he’d just received about his origins. It was just that Justin needed some stability. He wanted to stop feeling like this togetherness and ease he and Brian were feeling with each other would only last until they touched down at home, where things were still a huge mess courtesy in large part to Brian’s self-proclaimed best friends. Assurances and reassurances weren’t what he wanted either, since things with the two hot-headed, and explosive-tempered men could swing either way at any given time. What Justin really wanted though was Brian’s promises; those word-bonds that Brian would never break.

It would seem like such a small thing to anyone else, but it was the one thing Justin was always sure of where Brian was concerned. It was the real reason why Brian absolutely refused to put a label on what he and Brian meant to each other. First, it was no one else’s business what kept Brian coming back to him, and vice versa. And secondly, it was what the promises always implied when two people were ‘together’ that Brian didn’t think were necessary for him and Justin. Straight people- and yes, even gay ones- would always assume that because they were in a relationship that it meant they were now off limits; that the doors were shut for any other encounters, be it romantic or sexual. 

It took Justin going through all of these experiences to really understand what Brian’s aim was in those moments of his ‘I don’t believe in love; I believe in fucking’ speeches, or even the one where he told Justin that if he wanted a relationship then he should go and find himself a girlfriend and settle down. It was more than just about Brian’s freedom to be whoever he wanted to be; it was about Justin’s growth as a man… a gay man. So yeah, Justin wanted Brian’s promise that if at any given time he no longer wanted them together, that he wouldn’t leave Justin to guess about it. He would tell Justin straight up, instead of having them both live in limbo. He wanted Brian’s word, that no matter what happened between them, the kids wouldn’t suffer. 

But most of all, he wanted Brian’s declaration that they would always be friends, and could depend on each other, no matter what. That was the most important thing to Justin in all of this. He’d come to trust Brian implicitly, simply because no matter how much the truth may have hurt Justin, Brian gave him the courtesy and respect of saying it anyway. Not many people could say they had people in their lives who were willing to do that- not to protect their feelings, but to help them grow and shape them into the person they were meant to be. To become the best homosexual you can be. Justin smiled in remembrance of that long-ago conversation at the bar of Babylon.

“I think I’ll talk to him tonight, Daph. After the kids are in bed, I’m going to bring Brian down to the bar and have that honest conversation with him.”

“What are you going to say?”

“I’m going to remind him of a conversation he and I had, that seems to have happened a lifetime ago. And then he and I are going to decide for ourselves how we want this to play out.”

“And who knows, maybe you’ll get everything you thought you wanted before everything happened,” Daphne enthused.

“I already have that, Daph. But I think it’s time Brian knows it.”