CHAPTER NINE: CARVING A NEW PATH

Emmett was still reeling from the news that he was going to be a father. When he and Vic had a heart-to-heart much as he had with Brian, Vic had shared with Emmett how his life changed with the diagnosis of HIV. At first Emmett had a little trouble understanding the similarities between a potentially deadly disease and fatherhood but he continued to listen as Vic described his fretting about things that he couldn't change and the turning point that went from denial to quiet acceptance. It was that way of thinking which Vic used to convince Debbie to tour Italy with him as the ‘Last Hurrah' on his Bucket List. Vic thought that if he died while away, the trip would have been well worth it. But he didn't die. Instead after visiting Italy and even though he and Deb were in debt up to their ears, he vowed to live every single day as if it were his last- medication be damned. It was then that the two men got to talking about one of Vic's passions...Food.

Over the course of that single afternoon, what was just a fantasy had become a solid reality. Vic, who had lived in New York and worked as a chef in a five-star restaurant for many years prior to his illness, had been on the brink of branching out and starting his own business. Consequently the diagnosis derailed his plans. As they continued to talk, Emmett thought again about the big dreams he had for his own life. He regaled Vic with tales of him and his favorite aunt Lula holed up in the kitchen for hours on end laughing, talking and cooking up a storm. She had made the tall queen feel safe in a town where being gay was paid in bruises both from family members and strangers. By the time they each had finished dreaming aloud for the other to hear, HoneyGrass Elegant Creations was born.

Vic invited Brian over to the house, making sure that it was after work. Brian's boss had been giving the brunet a lot of shit, primarily due to his care of Justin. Although Vic didn't have the full story as of yet, he was sure that everything in Brian's life was taking an enormous toll on the younger man. It didn't help that Brian was also receiving flack from both Lindsay and Michael about the extensive amount of time he was spending with the young blond. Brian may have seemed to ignore most of it but Vic knew that Brian was nearing a boiling point and needed a distraction.

Emmett called Ted, who was a whiz at anything dealing with finances. Although Emmett didn't have much money, working with Ted had improved his investment portfolio from the time he had befriended the accountant. After talking it over with Vic, they decided to ask Ted to be their business financial advisor as well. If there was one thing that helped their cause it was that both knew that Brian used Ted in that capacity as well. The two brunets may have had their share of problems, but they were both brilliant in their fields.

Once Brian and Ted arrived and Brian answered all of the obvious questions about Justin, the four men got down to business. Vic and Em had presented the bare bones of their business plan. As a refined Advertising Executive, Brian refined the core of their business while Ted ran the numbers. After much discussion and working out a loan repayment schedule with Brian and Ted of five percent of every fee collected, because Brian had a vested interest in seeing that HoneyGrass took off, he agreed to do the advertisement for free. When Vic and Em expressed a need to pay him for his services, Brian waved it away saying "Just make a success out of this fucking thing and call it even. The last thing I want to hear is your high-pitched whining because you fucked up." For Emmett that translated to, ‘I believe in you guys. Don't let me down.' Yes, he was learning to understand Kinney-speak just as well as Vic and Justin.

Emmett's thoughts turned to his young friend as he continued to set up for their first official presentation for their high-powered client. The depositions were starting and Em couldn't help but wonder how Brian and Justin were managing it all. He had been present for a few of Justin's ‘episodes' and felt lucky enough that, in those instances, his mere presence helped to calm him down. It broke Emmett's heart to see the once-trusting young blond, fear almost everything and everyone around him. His mind flitted back to the last one that he was present for.

Emmett had gone to the bathroom when Michael had used his key for him and Lindsay to barge their way into the loft. Both knew that Brian was at work but that was what they wanted, since their goal was to corner Justin. Lindsay in her passive-aggressive way had begun to badger Justin about returning home to Jennifer; trying to evoke guilt by mentioning that Brian's life had been put on hold while playing nursemaid to Justin.

"Brian is a father," she said. "He has responsibilities, and Gus needs him, Justin. Surely you see that he can't take care of them if he's taking care of you right?"

Emmett couldn't believe what he was hearing from the tall blonde but what really surprised and angered him was that upon his emergence from the bathroom, he saw Michael forcefully going through Justin's things and packing his belongings as if what Lindsay said was a done deal. When Emmett made to stop them and began arguing with Lindsay, Michael thought to bodily remove Justin from the loft. Michael had turned the young blond in the direction of the door and began to shove Justin towards the portal, yelling and cursing at him to get the fuck out and go home. Emmett had tried to get to Justin but everywhere he moved, Lindsay blocked his way. He'd never wished so badly to be able to hit a woman in all his life as he did in that moment. As Justin began screaming, Emmett continued to try to get to him. Lindsay was yelling in his face that Michael was doing the right thing and to just let him do what he ought to do as Brian's ‘best friend.' She kept saying that Justin was taking undue advantage of Brian's kindness and it was time for him to go back where he belonged.

At Justin's final scream, Emmett had finally been able to dodge Lindsay and jump down the three steps which took him straight into the kitchen in time to see Justin lash out physically at the right side of Michael's face. Although Emmett would never condone violence, he damn near applauded as the loud WHACK echoed through the air. The stunned silence from Michael's screeching and Lindsay's bitching which followed was just as satisfying. The only thing that brought Emmett back into focus was the terrified screams emitting from Justin and the roar of King Kinney as he stepped into the chaos that his home had become.

As Emmett had tried his best to calm Justin down, he listened with half an ear as Brian berated both Michael and Lindsay. Their behavior had indeed been appalling but more than that, it was selfish and self-serving. Emmett had never heard Lindsay be so manipulative before and while he knew that Michael Novotny could be vindictive, he never expected someone that he had always thought of as a mild-mannered friend to behave like a fucking caveman. Once Lindsay and Michael had been ousted from the loft, Brian had gone over to the corner where Justin had escaped to after hitting Michael and coaxed Justin from his hiding place. Justin's pleas and cries of apology brought tears to Emmett's eyes as he watched Brian reassure Justin that he wasn't angry with him. To go through the trauma at the hands of an enemy, Emmett could well understand, but he couldn't imagine Justin's- nor Brian's for that matter- feelings when it was from people who were supposed to be your friends.

After they had finally gotten Justin calmed and settled, Brian called the security company and requested that the locks and security codes be changed. He also requested that cameras be placed both outside and inside the loft which surprised Emmett. The cameras inside the loft could be accessed on line at anytime of the day or night and strangely Emmett was relieved by that.

"All set Emmett?" Vic asked, startling the tall queen.

"Yeah. I think Mr. Schickle will be impressed by what we came up with."

Vic nodded. "I hope so. Goodness knows where this account could take us if we succeed at it. I mean it's his only daughter's wedding."

Emmett laughed. "I know. I don't know how Brian managed to pull this off. Goodness me! Our first major client is the Pickle King for crying out loud."

Vic joined in the laughter. "Well people can say whatever the fuck they want about Brian Kinney. But one thing is for sure, that boy knows is his business."

Emmett grew serious moments after basking in the glow of a potential lucrative clients. "Have you seen them today?" he asked with a soft voice.

Vic didn't need to be told who Emmett was asking about. "Yeah. Deb and I stopped over there this morning. As always, she went barging in there demanding for Brian to fix Michael's life. Justin woke up with an episode while we were there."

"Poor Babies. I don't know how much more each of them can endure."

"I know Em. Brian is really trying, but between having to take care of Justin, Lindsay and Michael's carping and Deb's demands, I'm afraid of what he might do."

Emmett nodded. "Brian has always said that Justin was the strongest person he knew. But what happens when the strongest one now is the weakest? Honestly, I'm concerned about what will happen when Michael, Lindsay and Deb keep pushing Brian. I mean we all know about his brand of pain management."

"Yeah we do," Vic confirmed, "and honestly I can't say that I would blame him if he needed to indulge in them. Lord knows that Michael and Deb alone make me wish I was still getting high sometimes."

Emmett chuckled. "What's the problem this time?" Vic began to explain to Emmett all of the events of the morning culminating in Debbie accepting a date and Michael being none too happy about that. Emmett shook his head as Vic finished the tale. "Hopefully someday Debbie will open her eyes and make Michael grow up. After what I saw a few weeks ago at the loft, there is no way that Debbie could continue to make excuses for Michael's bad behavior."

" I told her as much this morning. Hopefully she will take my advice and guidance to heart, otherwise she is going to lose that darling Detective before she even has a chance at having her own life. Michael is just going to have to learn to live with HIS choices from now on. And I'll see that he does."

When all was in readiness to receive the King of Schickle's Pickles, Em and Vic sat down with a cup of coffee, all thoughts and conversation divided between a courthouse Downtown and the occupants of a luxurious loft on the other side of Liberty.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin's POV

I can't help but be scared to death right now. I have never felt so impotent in my own life nor in the choices I make. The fear constantly gripping me won't let me go. I'm afraid to go to sleep, afraid to be awake and most of all afraid to be left on my own. I know that I have to get over it but how? Everywhere I turn, I see Chris. Whenever I even think that I want to leave the loft, I am paralyzed at the thought of running into him. What if Brian isn't there to call the ambulance next time? What if he can't get to me? It's what keeps me within this place that I used to call my safety net and my home but right now it is my gilded prison.

I know that Brian understands, but honestly, he shouldn't have to. Maybe Lindsay was right that I should just disappear from his life. I remember asking him just after the ‘incident' with his two best friends if that was what he wanted. He said that it wasn't but I don't know. I just feel like a burden to him. I heard him on the phone with Melanie when he thought I was asleep. He is having trouble at work because of me. I may have set out to seduce Brian and to love him but I never wanted to cause him any problems. NEVER!

I can't imagine what he is going through. He was always a private person but now there are constantly people traipsing through his loft to see me. ME, the trick that wouldn't go home- well at least according to Michael. I'm still surprised that Brian didn't toss my ass out for clocking him, even if I was being physically assaulted and defending myself. If there has been one lesson I've learned over and over again, it's that no one goes against Michael for anything or any reason. I'm almost afraid what Debbie will say to me when she hears of it, if she hasn't already. But in my defense, he kept grabbing at me and yelling at me no matter how much I begged and pleaded for him to stop. Michael just kept manhandling me and pushing me and I couldn't stop the feelings of fear and rage which always seem to be just beneath the surface these days.

And Lindsay wasn't any better. I think that hurt me worse than anything. I thought she was my friend. Daphne and Emmett had been trying to keep the things that she'd been saying about me and doing behind my back from me, but I hear it anyway. I hear it when she calls screeching like a banshee over the voicemail of the loft's phone. Or when Brian goes into the bathroom to yell at her when she calls his cell phone. I know that I'm not supposed to hear these things or feel bad about them, since Brian, Daph and Em have told me not to, but I can't help it. Brian is suffering because of me. He's enduring the constant harassment and hellacious comments simply because he won't leave me while I'm like this. It pisses me off and on one hand I feel that Michael and Lindsay are right while on the other hand I'm scared to death to be without Brian- my protector, and I hope to God my friend. I want to scream again but I won't. Instead I'm taking deep breaths to stem the rage like Bethany has been teaching me to do. I fucking wish that I could draw my feelings so that I could be rid of them but that's another problem.

Miguel and Nicole have been working with me to hold a pencil in a tripod grip again. The biggest obstacle to that is that yeah, I can grip the pencil but then my hand spasms up and I'm unable to let go of it. As anyone can imagine, I'm unable to write with my right hand. Sure I can do things with my left hand but it was my right hand that I trained to write and draw on command. The muscles in that hand are the strongest for what I want to do. Or at least they were until that fucking Hobbs hit me.

Although I will never say this to anyone, at least while I'm not high on my pain meds, but sometimes I really wish Hobbs had killed me. I feel like such a fucking useless idiot. I can barely remember one minute to the next but I can remember the three weeks leading up to asking Brian to my prom. How fucking defective is that? Daphne says that he showed up and that we danced. I can't understand where she is getting these fantasies from. The only dancing that I remember ever doing with Brian was either in here at the loft or in the middle of the dance floor at Babylon as prelude to a fuck.

And that's another thing. I'm fucking horny but I can't bring myself to let Brian touch me in THAT way. Another reason Hobbs should have just fucking killed me. To be so close to Brian, to inhale his scent and exhale the same air that he breathes and not be able to be with him, is a never-ending fucking nightmare. I've told Bethany about it. In fact she's the only one I've told although I think Brian suspects it. She said that I have to give myself time. Time? Time for what? To be able to get fucked again? To stop feeling like an asexual human being? At this point I have about as much use as a torn rubber as I do as Brian's bedmate. And yet he's here with me every night. Why? I've literally yelled at him to go fuck and get sucked but he stays with me instead. That's probably the most confusing thing of all. Brian and I are not a couple. Sure we signed papers- I remember that- but I also know that we aren't like others who call themselves a ‘couple.' We're not like Mel and Lindz or stupid Mikey and his Doctor Dickhead. We're just not, but at the very least, I think that Brian is my friend. I would like him to be more than that, but at the very least I would like to be the man he fucks more than once again.

He keeps looking at me from over the top of his computer. I don't know what he is thinking or what he wants me to say. He told me not to apologize anymore, but I really am sorry about all of this. If I had known that a handjob would end Brian's life as he's known it, I wouldn't have ever done it. In fact, I'm not even sure why I did, except that Brian and I had had another one of those ‘I'm not your partner, I'm not your boyfriend, I'm not anything to you conversations,' in the middle of the breakfast crowd while I was picking up an extra shift before class. It didn't help that Michael had stuck his mouth in our argument as he was wont to do on any number of occasions. So I guess I just needed to feel- I don't know- wanted or valuable to someone since Brian definitely and most obviously didn't want me. I wasn't looking for a relationship since I was holding out for the elusive Mr. Kinney but I couldn't deny being a little curious about Hobbs. Well it was that curiosity that almost killed this cat and I really almost wish it had.

I know that the civil depositions start today. I also know that Mel said that if I am going to testify, that I would have to be able to leave the loft to do so. I want to. I wonder if Brian knows just how much I want to get out of this fucking place but can't bring myself to. He's tried a couple of times but then the panic sets in and we're back to square one with me apologizing and crying and with him reassuring me that it's okay while the tightening of his jaw says differently. I can't tell if he's mad at me or the situation but... well something has to give. I'm tired of staring at life through the bay windows. And I don't know if I just said that aloud because he's now coming towards me.

I watch his steady progress towards me with a slight smirk on his face. He sits down next to me and takes my hand.

"I know that you can't go out right now but how about we go up?"

Okay... so now Yoda has made an appearance and we're talking in circles. So I decide to state the obvious or what is obvious to me. "Brian we're already on the top floor."

"Not exactly but I want a promise from you."

"A promise? You don't believe in promises Brian." My memory might be faulty but I do remember that.

"It's not that I don't believe in making promises Justin. It's that I don't like to make them when they may be impossible to follow through on. But this is different. I know that once you give me your word, you won't go back on it."

"You trust me that much?" I couldn't keep the amazement and underlying joy from my voice. I mean, I knew that he trusted me to an extent when he let me watch Gus. But this is an entirely different situation. This level of trust is between just the two of us. It makes it more intimate, more special, just...more.

Some of my thoughts must have shown on my face because he says, "Don't get moist. I've trusted you far more than most other people. But I have something that I want to show you but I need to be sure that you can handle it."

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, you can trust me Brian."

He smiles at me and I feel like there is a wealth of understanding in that singular action.

"Okay. The first is that you don't do or think to do anything stupid."

"Like?"

He shakes his head as if to ward off any other questions. "You'll understand when you see it. The second thing I need you to do is to keep it to yourself. You can't tell anyone about it. Not Daphne or even Emmett; no one."

I had to think about that for a few moments. There wasn't any part of my life that I hadn't shared with Daphne. Even she got to relive my first time with Brian vicariously as we walked across the football field during lunch the next day. We had been each other's human diary since we were five years old. And Emmett was becoming the same way only in an adult gay man form. But if I wanted what Brian wanted to show me, then my answer was obvious. "Okay. You have my word that this- whatever it is- stays between us."

Brian looked deeply into my eyes. I don't know what he was looking for but I was relieved when he'd found it. "Okay," he said simply and pulled me up from the window seat. Leading me behind him, he began to speak again. "I had been wracking my brain on how to use this space or better yet when. While you were in the hospital and when Michael or Lindsay weren't dogging my every move, I had it redecorated and then I would come out here at sunset when I'd knew that you were asleep.

He led me over to a door that I hadn't even realized was behind the naked man painting. After advising me to watch both my head and my step, he disappeared into the portal even as he kept the semi-tight grip on my left hand. Although the flight of steps was relatively short, they were steep and I understood why he'd told me to watch myself. I was amazed that I could stand straight up in the darkened stairwell while Brian had to bend his head a little to avoid the ceiling. When we reached the top, he unlatched the lock and pushed the heavy metal door, identical to the loft's, aside. I felt my breath catch at the sight of the clear, windowless blue sky before me and the feeling of a tantalizing summer breeze caress my nose. Brian pulled me the rest of the way onto the rooftop terrace that had been his sanctuary and was about to become my own refuge.

The view which welcomed me was amazing. I thought being able to see the river from Brian's loft was amazing but it was even more so up here. Even though there are buildings which stand between Fuller and the river bank, Brian's building was tall enough that it afforded an unobstructed view of the sparkling water as far as my eyes could see. Bringing my sight back to the rooftop, I could see all the work Brian had done up here. I knew that he had bought the airspace above the loft but it had never occurred to me why he would do such a thing.  The triple-paned glass enclosure spanned the entire length of the outdoor space. Brian told me that he had arranged it to be done like that so that it could be used no matter the weather and that included the winter. The sliding doors were electronic and could be closed up during inclement weather or pulled open as they were now. The entire space was designed with comfort in mind. There was cozy outdoor furniture that could have easily been the feature in someone's living room. A table and chair set for two. A fancy, fully-equipped outdoor kitchen and bar area and a brick fireplace. He had the decorators add an indoor outdoor carpet to not only ward off any possible chill from the concrete, but so that he could walk around barefoot. It was like having a home away from home.

I startled a bit when I felt his arms wrap around me from behind. "You like it?"

I turned into his arms, allowing my own arms to embrace him. "Thank you Brian. For everything." I didn't need to tell him what everything entailed; I knew that he knew.

Tilting my face upward, I allowed myself to do something that I haven't been able to do in weeks. I pressed my lips against his soft ones. At first it felt foreign to me but he held still letting me decide how I wanted my bold act to play out. I could tell from the slight tremble beneath his skin that he was almost to the point of begging me to let him take things further. I rewarded his restraint by opening my mouth and letting his tongue slide inside. At the first touch against my own, my pulse lept. Brian had been so fucking patient with me and it had been too fucking long. Prior to that idiot Hobbs, I could count on one hand the number of times that Brian and i didn't have sex at least twice a day. But since then our routine has been severely curtailed. The kiss was taking on an intense life of its own and all I wanted to do was enjoy the journey. I knew that if I asked Brian to stop, he would without question. So I can't exactly pinpoint when, why, or how the question slipped between our joined lips. Nor can I hide the shock, terror or arousal that the thought has brought on.

"Brian," I gasped through the kiss, "I want to fuck you."

Brian tore his lips away from mine in response. His hazel eyes blazed with lust, need and some other indefinable emotion. Clearing his throat, he asked "What brought this on? How long have you been thinking about this?"

To give the man credit, Brian was calm or at least his voice was. He didn't look angry or upset but genuinely puzzled. "I've been thinking about it for awhile now Brian. My body craves yours and responding was never the issue."

"Then what is?"

I took a deep breath. Brian is well aware of the fact that I have become frigid since the incident but neither one of us have been able to figure out why. It's not a matter of trust but more of a matter of psychosis or some other deep-rooted shit. I know in theory that Brian would never hurt me. But for reasons unknown, I can't give myself to him freely just yet, I know that Bethany thinks that it has something to do with my missing memories. Ironically, Brian said that Alex Wilder, who is a friend of his and also just happens to be a shrink, said something similar, so there must be some truth to it. But questioning it and picking it apart isn't helping my problem now.

"I don't know exactly Brian. Alex and Bethany are both telling us the same thing. But I do know that I want to resume my sex life even if that means I can't bottom right now. I need to top, but you're the only one I trust to let near me this way. I'm not saying that me topping you would be forever because it won't. I love the feel of your cock in me too much to give that up permanently but I do need and want it this way now. I can't explain it any other way than that. Is it that you don't think I'll be good at it?" I hate the desperation in my voice but honestly that's exactly how I feel right now.

Instead of answering, Brian walked over to the sound system that I hadn't known was there. He reached out and turned it on before picking up the discs neatly placed on the side of it. Head bent, he finally answered me. "I know that you would be good at it Justin. I watched how you handled that trick the night of the King of Babylon contest."

"You watched?" That was definitely news to me. I remember taking the trick...Sean, I think his name was, down to the lower level of the backroom. I hadn't lied at breakfast the next morning when I said that i fucked him all night. Since I knew that Deb had the late shift and Vic was out for the evening, I took advantage of the empty house. The guy was a total bottom and my dick really was sore the next day.

"Yeah, I did. I even saw when the two of you left the club. I won't stand here and lie to you and say that the thought hadn't crossed my mind even as we sat there with the guys in the diner. And I know that the trick had a good time because I did when I was teaching you myself. You were a quick study."

"Then what is it Brian? Are you afraid I'm going to tell someone?" Fuck this desperation in my voice. I want him so fucking much but... "Is it that you don't want me anymore? I know I'm not... I'm not perfect now. I have a gimp hand that I can't seem to get working and this fucked up scar and I'm..."

"Stop it," Brian said to me softly, his hazel eyes glittering at me. "You were never perfect; no one is Sunshine."

"But.."

"No buts," Brian commanded in a tone that always made my body sing. He turned back to the stereo and placed the chosen disc in the chamber. As the music began, he walked toward me, holding my eyes captive as he approached. Gripping me by the shoulders, he brought my body flush against his. I couldn't stop the shiver at the contact which I had been desiring for so long. For the first time in a long while, it wasn't brought on by a panic attack but just because he wanted to hold me. He tilted my chin up a little higher before saying, "Dance with me."

It was then that I really heard the words to the song playing:

And if you have a minute why don't we go

Talk about it Somewhere Only We Know

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

Somewhere Only We Know*

How appropriate for this rooftop hideaway that Brian had created for himself but shares willingly with me. I don't think that I could have made it through these past few weeks without him. I can't tell anymore if he feels the same and it's scaring me shitless. I used to be able to tell what he was thinking with just a look, a soft touch or even a hard one of each but this... I know that something is wrong with me and that he might be here more out of duty than genuinely caring for me. I wish that I could know for sure. I wish that I knew if he loved me but he's never said it and I won't ask because I'm afraid of the answer. Having insecurities of this magnitude is new for me and I absolutely hate it. That's the only thing I'm sure of right now while I'm moving against him to the haunting melody hanging in the air. I can't help mourning the person I was before Chris Hobbs tried to kill me. I'm no longer the bold abrasive kid I was and I can't help but wonder if I ever will be again.

Brian leads me over to the sofa which has a lounge chair attached to it. Lying me down, he stretches out beside me while the music still echoes through the air. He put "Somewhere Only We Know" on repeat and I can't say that I'm sorry he did. Brian knows pretty much everything about me and I'm amazed that he paid attention enough to know that it's my favorite song to draw to, even if I listen to others as well. Keane, Queen and Prince seem to be the artists that I have been relating to the most since meeting Brian and apparently he has taken notice.

"Well this is your show Sunshine. Seduce me," Brian says with a little devilish grin.

I know that I should be worried about what's going on down at the courthouse; that I should be in a state of panic, but right now I accept that I can't do anything about it. Melanie assured me that she and Charles have it all under control and that she'll update me when they have adjourned for the day. So keeping that in mind, I stretch up to kiss Brian, softly at first and then more fully. I poured every ounce of gratitude that I felt into it, hoping that he knows just how much I appreciate his unwavering support throughout all of this. I softly kiss his face, when I get to the lips that I love, I nip softly at them before sucking lightly on the bottom lip and then run my tongue over it. Brian puts his hand on the back of my head, wanting to deepen the kiss and I thrust my tongue into his mouth. Our tongues tangle together sensually and I hear Brian moan. I know he wants me to take the lead but I'm not sure of how far he will let me go, I really wish that I could read him the way I did before. Well I guess I'll keep going and see what happens.  

I break off the kiss and lick my way down his long neck, God he tastes so good and I really have missed this part of our relationship. I let my lips travel down to his chest and bite softly at his nipples, when I do he arches his back and groans so I keep going. I just love how responsive he is being. Brian is always responsive, but not like this and it is very encouraging. I let my hands travel the length and width of his torso, finding hidden erogenous zones along the way. I can't help but chuckle a little as I hear another tell-tale gasp come from up above me as I find another hot spot on him that he didn't even know existed. That small bit of reassurance relaxes me just a tiny bit further.

As I journey lower I nip and lick my way down to his treasure trail. When I get down to his cock I bury my nose in his pubes and inhale deeply. He smells so clean with that special Brian scent that drives me crazy. He puts his hand on my head trying to guide me to his very swollen cock and I lick off the beads of cum that are leaking out. Then I notice that he is planting his feet next to his ass and lifting up slightly. Hopefully I'm reading him right. I scoot down a little and push his knees toward his chest. As I do he grabs them then pulls them back further, helping me along. I put my hands on his ass and part his cheeks, breathing in the pheromones that are all Brian and softly blow on the tight knot of his hole. To me, there isn't a more potent aphrodisiac on Earth than Brian Kinney. I slowly start to lick a stripe from his hole to the base of his balls and I hear him make the most delicious sound in the back of his throat. Encouraged, I stiffen my tongue and slowly thrust it into his ass.

"Oh God Sunshine... more, deeper... so good." Brian moaned.

I was practically in tears I was so happy that I could make him feel like this. Suddenly he grabbed my hand and put the lube in it and tossed a condom next to me. I looked up at him and his eyes were glazed over and I froze.

"Come on Sunshine, you know what to do, you've seen me do it enough times."

I don't think I have ever smiled that hard before in my life. I warmed the lube in my fingers and carefully lubed Brian's ass, stretching him so that he could accept my wide cock without too much discomfort.

"Now Sunshine... please." When Brian said this I almost came, but I thought of Michael and that fixed the problem quickly.

I moved forward and placed Brian's legs around my waist and lined myself up with the ass that I had only dreamed of fucking. I entered his ass slowly, giving him time to adjust. Once I was all the way inside the ass of the man that I loved, I waited so that he could adjust to my size. He reached up and pulled me down so that our lips could do what they do best when we are near each other. Then he lifted his ass and dug his heels into my ass, telling me without words that he needed me to move.

I started out slowly and we just fell into the rhythm that seemed to be ours alone. I had never known Brian to be so loud in bed, I guess I must be doing something right. We had been making love (Brian would have called it fucking) for a while when we both needed to speed up, I reached for his cock and he pushed my hand away.

"I don't need it, I can come just from you fucking me." (I knew he would call it that, but whatever).

After about another minute I felt his ass clamp down on my cock and we were both screaming out our release. As I felt the rush of endorphins ushering me into post-coital bliss, I felt the tension that I had been feeling all day drain from me. But that's what Brian does for me. On the one hand he upsets my atmosphere by destroying my idealism one preconceived notion at a time. But then it is moments like this- when no one is around to bear witness to this Brian- that he rebuilds and reshapes me as he holds me close. Some would call this cuddling but we don't. It's just simply the act of restoring our own sense of well-being and if I happen to throw a leg over him or his fingers find their way into my hair to tug gently, then so be it. It's just one more facet of the Brian and Justin show that only WE know. And I like it that way.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Michael had sat in the diner long after his mother punched in and began working. She wouldn't even look his way while she waited on customers. He wasn't exactly sure what she was pissed about. Was it because he didn't want her dating that cop? Or was it because he'd left David? He had hoped his constant attempts to flag her down or his deep sighs and looking pitiful would garner her attention as they always had. If there was ever a time he could have used one of her infamous hugs and extra attention, it was now. But Debbie was hellbent on not giving him what he needed and he was too tired to stay in a place where he wasn't number one on the agenda.

Brian's place was no longer available to him either. The little twink had seen to that. It wasn't that he was unsympathetic- no one could or should have to endure the kind of trauma the kid had without any legal satisfaction. But it shouldn't be an excuse to take over Brian's life. He and Lindsay may not have always seen eye-to-eye but they agreed in that. Justin was taking up ALL of Brian's valuable time. If the tall brunet wasn't at work, he was with the blond. Lindsay said that Gus was suffering because of it and he believed her. He had been there discussing plans to remove Justin from the loft when Gus began to cry uncontrollably. Lindsay had done everything she could to shut the kid up but it didn't work. Gus just kept hollering while make ‘Da' sounds which could be interpreted as him asking for Brian, although Michael wasn't sure. He knew absolutely nothing about babies so he had no choice but to take Lindsay's word for it.

When they had gone over to the loft, neither one thought that things would escalate the way they had. Or that Emmett, of all people, would be there. They had thought to do Brian a good turn and toss Justin out before he got home; had expected gratitude for taking an initiative Brian himself may not have known how to take. He still couldn't believe the episode or the horrifying screams that came from Justin, nor Emmett's or Brian's reaction to them. Instead of what he and Lindsay thought would happen, they had been the ones shut out. And not only shut out emotionally but locked out physically.

Brian hadn't even called them to let them know that he was changing the locks and security codes to access the building. They had arrived together the following day only for their keys and codes not to work. When Michael had used his phone to call Brian about it so that he could have the security company fix it, Michael was promptly told that he and Lindsay had five seconds to leave before the police were called. Michael had tried to argue even as Lindsay told Brian that what he was doing was way ‘beyond the pale' in her ‘stern mom' voice she had taken on since her uterus upchucked Gus. All of his calls had been left unanswered; he didn't know about Lindsay's. For someone who didn't want responsibility as a father or a relationship of any kind, Brian was sure acting out of character where Justin was concerned and Michael was smarting because of it.

Removing his cell phone from his pocket, he called the one person he knew would be willing to hear HIS side of things without the bias of knowing the whole story to date. Ben Bruckner had become his friend over the times they had met. They had even kept in touch while Michael was in Portland. Ben never put Michael's needs to the backburner the way his friends and family had been doing lately. Michael seemed important to Ben somehow. When Ben picked up, Michael immediately told Ben that he was back in town for good and asked if they could meet. When Ben agreed, Michael headed back to his childhood home, thinking of all the ways he and Ben should get reacquainted. There was no longer a reason to deny the attraction they had felt for one another. And in Michael's mind, that was the way to move forward with his life. Everything else, including how to rein Brian back in and how to get his mother to remember that his needs came before hers, could be worked out later... or at least after Ben fucked him. And that was the way things should be.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

David stepped inside the atrium of the large home he shared with his partner. He immediately noticed how empty it felt and wasn't sure what the reason was. Moving through the house nothing looked out of place. He had gotten used to Michael not being there on the nights he arrived home but was sure that he would see him later. David saw the light on the answering machine blinking furiously, indicating that the memory was full and it needed to be checked but figured he would do it later especially since most of it was probably calls from Debbie. David had thought moving to Portland and including Michael in his parenting duties with Hank would make his partner's mother cut the apron strings- a sad miscalculation on his part. It seemed that Debbie called more now than she ever did when they lived in Pittsburgh. He had talked to Michael about it but the younger man had just become petulant in the process. Michael had told him that with all that was going on in Pittsburgh, he couldn't expect Michael not to speak to Debbie more than he had in the past. David had sighed and left it alone until the next time the subject needed to be broached, which was the very next night after another twelve calls came through the house phone looking for Michael.

The housewarming party was little better and it was then that David really noticed the difference between his friends and Michael's. Whereas David's friends were sophisticated and cultured, Michael stuck out like a sore thumb with his childish table manners and inept conversation about his life in Pittsburgh. Of course the main topic of conversation was about the bashing and the reduced sentence that Chris Hobbs was given. At the mention of Brian Kinney's name, his friends began to thirstily seek inside information about the incident, the major players such as Justin and any other insight that Michael could give into the history between the defendant and the victim. Michael couldn't resist the opportunity to publicly air his dirty laundry and voice his inherent dislike of the young man who was warming his best friends bed. Several times David had tried to shut him up knowing that one of his guest was a reporter for the Portland Gazette and that every disparaging comment or intimate look into the life of Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor would appear in print the next day. David had been relieved when his ex-wife had shown up to the party. When he filled her in, the two of them set about working to do damage control so that Michael would not be sued for slander should it reach Brian and Justin's ears. Due to the nature of Brian's business and his penchant for reading the business sections of newspapers from all over the United States and abroad, it was more than likely to do that in a matter of days. The more David and Laurie worked, the more Michael undid the good they tried to do. Finally David decided to ignore him completely and encouraged his houseguests to do the same.

Sadly, the very next morning, there was a picture of Michael Novotny in the societal column smiling with the caption "The Bashing That Rocked the World- From an Insider's Point of View." David called his lawyers immediately to see if he could get a retraction printed and the paper pulled. After doing some digging, the reporter produced a signed release form with Michael's chicken-scratch signature on it. And from there matters of Michael's pseudo-celebrity status skyrocketed while the relationship David so desperately wanted with the younger man plummeted. The icing on the cake was when the "Gay Voice of the Nation" called and had a phone interview with Michael. Howard Bellweather had asked specifically if he could use quotes from Michael's newspaper interview. For the cost of one-thousand dollars, Michael had sold his best friend's story, even if he didn't know it yet. Although David Cameron and Brian Kinney would never be friends, the chiropractor couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Brian, but most of all Justin whose only crime was to fall in love with Michael Novotny's ‘best friend.'

With all these thoughts in mind, David had arranged for a camping trip for Michael, Hank and himself to keep Michael away from all media forms since he couldn't seem to help his verbal diarrhea. He booked rooms in a five-star lodge thinking that he and Michael could rekindle their relationship while they each spent some quality time with Hank. Laurie and Sam were getting a divorce and the kid not only felt that he was put in the middle but that he was the one losing his entire foundation. David had loaded both Michael and Hank in the car, enduring the child-like wonder of answering if they were there yet. He had enjoyed the enthusiasm each of them were displaying for his brilliant idea even though they didn't know where they were going. Whereas Hank maintained his excitement at seeing the resort, Michael did not. With arms folded and pouted lips, Michael told David that he didn't want to go camping; that he wasn't a nature lover. David slyly reminded Michael of their weekend trip to the country some months prior hoping that it would get Michael in an agreeable mood. It didn't. Instead Michael dug in his heels saying that he was not going to enjoy it and that he wanted to return home immediately. After much argument, even after they had checked into the lodge-like hotel, David had finally had enough and told Michael to go home. He handed the keys to his car over to the brunet and left Michael to throw his tantrum all by himself. When David and Hank returned to the log cabin sometime later, Michael was nowhere to be found. His suitcase was gone and so was his car. Hank looked a bit relieved at that and David couldn't help the mixture of relief and sadness which flooded him. But he and Hank had a great time, even if his thoughts were centered on the missing piece Michael had left with his departure.

David had tried to call several times to make sure that Michael had arrived safely but to no avail. Five days later and Michael still wasn't taking any of his calls. After showering and noticing that Michael still wasn't home, David decided that the little flashing light was getting on his last nerve. Pressing the answering machine, he listened to each of the messages. The ones where Debbie left messages, he'd skipped assuming that they were the standard "Hi Michael, this is your mother. Pick up your fucking phone" messages. But it was the one from Vic which gave him pause. It was specifically for him advising that Michael had indeed gone home...to Pittsburgh and that his immediate attendance and attention was requested. By the tone of Vic's voice, Michael was up to no good and it was time that he made a decision. David was tired of being the last to know anything happening in Michael's life. Looking over his calendar, he called his Medical Assistant to cancel his appointments and then his partner in his practice to ask him to cover David if there were any emergencies that couldn't wait until he returned. With his business taken care of as much as he was able, David booked a flight to Pittsburgh for the next morning. It was time he found out what the fuck was really going through Michael's head.