BRIAN

If there’s one place I never expected Justin and I to be, it’s therapy. What makes it even worse is it’s not even for us, or anyone sitting in this room. Ted, Emmett, Blake, Drew, Justin, and I were called to Deb’s to talk to Alex Wilder.  

“Explain to me how Lindsay and Michael get court ordered therapy and we’re the ones sitting with the therapist and not them?” I ask, hoping that someone can answer that.

“That’s what I want to know.” Ted grumbles.

“Because Deb lied to us and said we were here for dinner.” Emmett tells us.

“We should have left when we had the chance.” Blake tells us.

“Torture seems to be the only answer.” Drew tells us.

“Justin, any guesses?” Blake asks him.

“Wake me up when it's my turn to take the blame.” Justin tells him.

“Justin, there is no blame here.” Alex tells him.

“You haven't been in a room with Michael and Lindsay when I'm around.” Justin tells him.

“I'll admit there have been some issues raised about you and Brian.” Alex tells him.

“Then why are we here?” Ted asks.

“I need some help understanding why every session I’ve had with them seems to revolve around Brian and Justin.” He tells us.

“Because Michael and Lindsay haven’t gotten over wanting to replace me in Brian’s life.” Justin tells him.

“It’s why Ben left Michael. He got tired of Michael pining for Brian.” Emmett tells Alex.

“It’s why Mel moved herself and the kids out of the house with Lindsay.” Ted tells him.

“What is the reason they came up with for trying to burn down my loft after keying 'ASSHOLE' on my car and throwing red paint all over it?” I ask Alex.

“They should really win dumbasses of the year for staying at the scene to fight about whether Michael keying the car was better than Lindsay throwing paint on it.” Emmett snickers.

“How about I let them do it to you then I can laugh with you?” I glare at Emmett.

“Brian, they threw a bunch of lit matches on your floor, shit they couldn’t even get burning your loft down right.” Ted snorts.

“Gentlemen, can we please talk about why this is happening?” Alex asks us.

“Because they put the cray in crazy.” Blake tells him.

“Blake you're a counselor, you can't say crazy.” Justin jokes with him.

“Dude, I council stoners, they’re usually too stoned to understand English.” Blake and Justin high five.

“Can we please talk about my patients?” Alex asks us.

“I already told you, they want Brian.” Justin tells him.

“Justin they are destroying Brian’s property, that usually happens to the person they want to get rid of.” He tells Justin.

“You do know that Michael and Lindsay practically worship Brian, right?” Emmett asks him.

“Emmett, if you wanted someone, would you do the things these two have done to Brian?” Alex asks.

“I'd be at Brian’s side night and day, the way Justin is.” Emmett smirks at Justin.

“It works and that's all that counts.” Justin tells him.

“Baby, Brian likes your ass...ets.” Emmett tells him.

“Well I like how Brian handles my ass...ets.” Justin tells him.

I decided to reward the twat. Pulling him to straddle me, he leans in and kisses me. I grab said assets and grind him to me.

“Brian can you please put Justin back in his seat?” Alex asks.

“Shut up, we're learning here.” Emmett tells Alex.

I look at the clowns staring at my ‘asset’ and put Justin back in his seat.

“As I was saying, I doubt they would destroy Brian’s property if they wanted Brian.” Alex tells us.

“Then who do they want?” Justin asks him.

Alex stares at Justin. “You're fucking kidding right? They hate me.” Justin tells him.   

“Justin most of the arguments they are having in therapy are about how Brian doesn’t deserve you.” Alex tells him.

“Alex you might want to get your hearing checked, because Michael wants to be the one Brian fucks and so does Lindsay.” Emmett tells him.

“Brian did fuck Lindsay, at least once.” Ted tells us.

“I was stoned dude.” I tell them.

“Yeah, I used to have to get pretty drunk to fuck Sierra.” Drew tells us.

“Can we please stay on topic?” Alex asks us.

“You want us to believe Michael and Lindsay want Justin?” I ask him.

“Michael told me in a private session that he is in love with Justin. He always was. Brian do you remember when you first met Justin?” Alex asks me.

“Yes, Michael and I were on our way to the diner. I had been away for a week with work and when I came back Michael was going on and on about this new busboy at the diner. How he was ‘so hot’ and had such a ‘great ass’. He said he was trying to get up the nerve to ask… Holy shit.”

“Yeah. Michael wanted to ask Justin out. Do you remember what happened next?” Alex questioned

“Michael and I got to the diner and we sat down. Justin came over and brought us coffee. He and I looked at each other and…” I answered.

“... it was like we were hit by lightning, we just stared at each other.” Justin finished.

I picked it up from there, “Michael introduced us and we shook hands and it was like fireworks.”

“After they finished eating, Brian took Michael to work and came back to the diner. He asked what time I was off and I told him that I would be finished in an hour. He asked what I was doing after that and I told him I was free.” Justin continued.

“I told Justin I could change that, and he smiled. I waited for him to finish his shift and we left together. We went for a walk in the park, then we went back to the loft and spent the rest of the day making love. It was like we couldn’t get enough of each other.” I told Alex.

Justin took up the next part, “We went to Babylon that night. Michael was standing by the bar smiling when we walked in, until he saw that Brian was holding my hand. When we walked up to him he got really nasty, with both of us.”

“I just figured Mikey was pissed because I was with someone else and not him. In my defense, Mikey had never told me the name of his crush, and busboys and waiters come and go all the time at the diner.” I finished.

Then Justin asked Alex with a shudder, “What the hell is Lindsay mad about? Surely she didn’t want to go out with me.”

“No. Brian, Lindsay feels you're getting in the way of Justin's career. She loves Justin’s art and wants to be the one to ‘discover’ him and she is sure that you will stand in his way instead of letting the two of them go off, travel the world and have fabulous careers.” Alex tells us.

We all look at each other and burst out laughing at Alex.

“Ted, you better watch out because Ren and Stimpy will want Blake next, since they hate him as much as me.” Justin giggles.

“Justin, did Michael ever seem to be trying to come on to you, and if he had what would you have said?” Alex asked

“No, I don’t recall him ever seeming like he was interested in me. If he had I would have been polite but I would have turned him down. He’s definitely not my type at all. He’s not a troll or anything but he is not the kind of guy I’m attracted to either.” Justin answered honestly.

“Do Michael and Lindsay think that destroying Brian’s property is going to make Justin want anything to do with either of them?” Ted asks Alex.

“Apparently it was their reaction to Brian buying Justin a house. They feel Brian is making it so Justin won’t leave him.” Alex tells us.

“You’re kidding right? Because I can’t imagine how they are going to react when they find out about last weekend.” Emmett tells us.

“What happened last weekend?” Alex asks us.

“We went to Vegas.” Justin tells Alex.

“Why do you think a trip with friends would upset Lindsay and Michael?” Alex asks Emmett.

“We all decided to pull a Britney.” Emmett tells him.

“What’s a Britney?” He asks Emmett.

“I will not be accused of pulling a Britney.” Justin tells Emmett.

“Hello, I’m not the one who danced down the aisle to her song ‘Crazy’.” Emmett tells him.

“At least I didn’t pick ‘Toxic’.” Justin tells Emmett.

“Hey, it just played next, Ted and I wouldn’t have picked that.” Blake tells us.

“That would be Michael and Lindsay’s theme song.” Drew tells us.

“If we could get back to my patients, I would appreciate it.” Alex tells us.

“At least Ted and I didn't walk down the aisle to the song from the ‘Bodyguard’.” Blake tells us.

“What was wrong with ‘I Will Always Love You’?” Emmett asks us.

“She was singing it to tell him that she'd love him even though they weren’t going to be together.” Ted tells him.

“I thought she was telling him she loves him, please don't tell me they didn’t stay together.” Emmett asks Ted.

“Didn’t you watch it?” Justin asks him.

“I was upset when someone shot Kevin Costner and stopped the movie. I just assumed that Hollywood would keep them together.” He tells Justin.

“Emmett, writers sometimes try to make a statement. They think what they want is important, not what the fans want.” I tell him.

“That's just stupid, so she didn’t stay with him?” He asks us.

“No. Apparently they loved each other but weren't going to stand in each other's way.” Justin tells him.

“I'm never going to watch the end now. I wanted them to be together. “ Emmett tells us.

“I would like to get back to the reason you all are here.” Alex tells us.

“We thought we were having dinner. Hopefully you plan on feeding us, because I skipped lunch for pasta.” Emmett tells him.

“I'm kind of hungry too.” Justin tells him.

“Hey, want to go to the Italian restaurant that just opened?” Emmett asks us.

“Brian, I need to help your friends. In order to do that I need everyone to talk to me.” Alex tells us.

“Tell Ren and Stimpy I don't want either of them.” Justin tells Alex.

“Justin it's not that simple, they believe that with Brian out of the way, you'll want them.” He tells Justin.

“Sounds like your problem Doc.” Justin tells him.

“Unless I can convince both of them that you aren't going to do what they want, Brian is the one with the problem. “ Alex tells us.

“Just tell them if they destroy anything else, I'll kick their asses.” I tell him.

“Brian, I want to help them.” Alex tells me.

“You can't fix stupid Doc.” Drew tells him.

“Look, I was hoping that I could schedule a session with Brian and Justin. I think Michael and Lindsay would be more likely to listen with them in the session.” He tells us.

“We should all come, it’s bound to end in a fight.” Emmett tells us.

“I can see it, Lindsay telling Michael how she only wants what's best for Justin. It would go like this, ‘Michael, Justin needs to reach his potential, and with me he'll travel the world. We could meet famous artists and become each other's muses’.” Ted says in a weird WASPy voice.  

“Michael would be singing Justin was his ‘Hero’ in a whiney voice.” Blake tells us.

“He'd probably have you wearing superhero undies.” Emmett tells a gagging Justin.

“Hey, Lindsay would probably offer up her womb, you know, for the kid you said you wanted. In fact she would probably want to do it the natural way.” Blake tells Justin.

“While I love Gus, no way is my child having ‘I'm cuckoo for cocoa puffs’ in their DNA. And HELLO, I’m still gay, don’t want pussy.” Justin tells him.

“Justin, this is serious. They were talking about kidnapping you, in the waiting room.” Alex tells him.

“Yeah, I could see them waiting for Justin and talking loudly enough that everyone in Pittsburgh would know their plan.” Ted tells him.

“Obviously they haven't learned not to talk in front of everyone.” I tell him.

“Hey, what about that new seafood place?” Emmett asks us.

“They have that all you can eat shrimp.” Blake tells Justin.

“We should go.” Justin tells me.

“Can we please talk about my patients?” Alex asks again.

“Why, they're still going to be crazy tomorrow. I'm hungry tonight.” Emmett tells him.

The guys get up and decide on seafood tonight. Alex tells us he's coming with us, in hopes they will listen after they eat.

“You want us to listen?” Justin asks him.

“I want you to help me, help them.” He tells Justin.

“Then dinner is on you. We all know you're wasting your time, but if you want to waste our time, you feed us.” Emmett tells him.

Alex tells Justin he should ride with him, so he can explain what he needs from Justin.

“Not happening Doc, I married my assets, so they ride with me.” I joke.

“I just visualized that, it's hot.” Emmett tells me.

“It is.” Justin winks at Emmett.

“You go, Baby.” Emmett tells him.

ALEX

These men don’t realize exactly how crazy Lindsay and Michael are becoming. I didn’t tell them about Michael cutting Brian out of pictures of Brian and Michael and putting Justin in Brian’s place. Lindsay wanted to show me the loft she bought and decorated to look like Brian’s loft. Michael told me he wants he and Justin to move into his mother's house, so Justin wouldn't have to do anything but be with him. Every session is them trying to prove to me which one of them is the best for Justin. The fact that Brian and Justin are now married is going to be their worst nightmare.

At the restaurant, Justin orders enough to feed everyone for himself. Brian asks for a beer, saying he'll snack off Justin plate.

“That’s why I ordered all that. Brian acts like he won’t eat, but he just takes my food.” Justin tells me.

“Drew and I would do that but we don't like the same foods.” Emmett tells him.

“Ted and I do that, but I'm too hungry to share tonight.” Blake tells us.

“If someone had told us why we were really coming over tonight, we'd have just come here.” Ted tells us.

“Deb told me you wouldn't come if we told you the truth.” Alex tells us.

“Well so far you haven’t given us a good reason to bother with either Michael or Lindsay.” Emmett tells me.

“I'm worried that both of them are going to keep causing problems for Brian if I can't get them to see what they're doing.” I tell them.

“We should all just go on a honeymoon. We could send them pictures.” Drew tells them.

“Then Michael could cut out Brian and insert himself easily next to Justin.” I tell them.

“Um that's really creepy, why would you say that?” Justin asks me.

“To get you to see how serious this has become. Let me add that Lindsay set up a loft to look like Brian’s loft, in her mind it will make the move easier on you.” I tell him.

“Wasn’t there a movie made like that?” Emmett asks them.

“Yeah, ‘Single White Female’. Brian if Lindsay dyes her hair brown and starts wearing Armani, watch out.” Blake tells him.

“But in that one she tries to seduce the boyfriend of the other girl. Guess that would be Michael.” Ted tells them.

“So the moron twins could be planning on getting rid of Brian?” Drew asks me.

“I don’t think they would kill Brian, just keep pissing him off.” Emmett tells them.

“If I can’t get them to come back to the real world, it's going to get worse. Justin haven't you noticed them around more often? In every session they have to give me a daily journal and you're in every entry.” I ask him.

“I see them because I work at the diner three days a week. Then I'm in class the other days. Brian and I spend the weekends out with everyone else, and we see them, but it's not like they accost me.” He tells me.

“Lindsay hasn’t been talking to you everyday?” I ask him.

“I tend to ignore both of them, because unlike what you've been telling us, they snipe at me.” He tells me.

“What kind of things are they saying?” I ask to keep him talking.   

“Mostly that Brian is going to get tired of me. I need to start looking at options other than Brian supporting me. Michael likes to tell me, 'Brian doesn’t do love' all the time, and I should look for someone else, someone that will love me. I didn’t think he meant him. Lindsay told me that Brian wouldn’t support my schooling forever, so I need to leave him. They don't say it nicely.” He tells me.

“Why didn’t you tell me they were saying those things to you?” Brian asks him.

“I honestly don't listen to their crap. It becomes white noise because they say it so much.” I tell him.

“Justin, even though they are saying in a nasty way, if you think about what I've already told you. The advice they are giving you is to get Brian out of your life, so they could take over in his place.” I tell him.

“You know, the honeymoon idea is starting to sound better and better. We could leave tonight, that way Michael and Lindsay won't have access to their obsession.” Emmett tells them.

“Who's going on a honeymoon?” Michael asks us.

“Michael, you know you can’t be near Brian.” I warn him.

“I didn’t know they were here.” He tells me.

“You do now, so you need to go or I have to report it.” I tell him.

“I want to know why they're talking about a honeymoon.” He looks at Justin.

“You don’t need to know.” Brian tells him.

“I want to congratulate the happy couple. At one time Emmett and Ted would have included me, not Brian.” He tells them.

“Like I said cray in crazy.” I hear Blake whisper to Brian.

“Justin you need to stop being blind, Brian doesn’t want you. That house he bought is just his way of keeping you, like a boy toy.” He sneered.

“Michael you need to leave and I'm scheduling a session tomorrow with you and your parole officer.” I tell him.

“I'm not doing anything but talking to Emmett. “ He tells me.

“Excuse us, I need to talk to Michael.” I tell them.

EMMETT

“Now about that honeymoon, I want somewhere warm.” I tell them.

“Brian and I were thinking Hawaii.” Justin tells me.

“Why would you and Brian think of anything?” Michael asks Justin.

“Michael, we need to go outside and talk.” Alex tells him.

“I want to know why Brian would go on a honeymoon with my… Justin.” Michael tells him.

“Because I married Justin.” Brian tells him.

“NO!” Lindsay shouts.

“I did get a restraining order, right?” Brian asks Alex.

“Brian, please let me get them out of here.” Alex tells him.

“You have one minute, because that's how long it will take for me to make the call.” I tell him.

“Emmett, they need help not another night in jail. I know I can help them.” Alex tells me.

“To bad there isn’t a rehab for wishful thinking, Alex could get help for his.” Ted tells us.

“At least he could keep Michael and Lindsay company.” Brian tells him.

“Michael, Lindsay, it's time to leave, while Brian is being kind enough not to call and have you both taken in.” Alex tells them.

“Justin needs to know he has better options.” Lindsay tells him.

“We only want what's best for Justin.” Michael tells him.

“Go find someone else, because Justin is off limits. You’re both skating on thin ice as it is.” Brian tells them.

We watch as Alex finally gets them out the door.

“I say we make a run for it.” I tell them.

“Just don’t answer your phones if Deb calls.” Brian tells us.

“I think we all know better now.” Ted tells him.

We all start eating faster so we can leave, I waved for the check fifteen minutes later. I figured Alex was probably trying to make sure they left.

“Hey, Brian you might want to call the police.” Drew tells him looking out front.

“Why?” He asks turning to see what Drew was looking at.

“Because that's Emmett’s new car Lindsay and Michael just smashed the windshield out of. I come with a team to help me dump the bodies.” He tells Brian.

“Holy shit, I'm going to kill them.” I snarl.

“Guess it's not funny when it happens to you.” Brian smiles at me.

“Baby, you're about to have two less stalkers.” I tell him as I head to the door.

JUSTIN

“Are we going to stop him?” Ted asks us.

“Why, it's bound to be more entertaining than listening to Alex.” I tell him.

“Where is Alex?” Blake asks as we follow Emmett out the door.

“Good question.” I tell him.

We  all follow Emmett out the door. I start looking for Alex, while Emmett is threatening to kill them both. Brian follows me around the corner to the alley but we don't see Alex anywhere. I shrug and turn around to go see if he was where the others were. We came up to Ted and Blake holding a snarling Emmett. Lindsay and Michael are standing with their backs against the wall as Drew cages them in.

“Drew, we can't find Alex.” I yell.

“What did you two do with the Doc?” He asks them.

“Let us go and we'll let him go.” Michael tells him.

“You do get that he's the only one keeping your asses out of jail?” Emmett sneers.

“He's keeping Justin away from us.” Lindsay tells us.

“Where the fuck did you put him?” Brian asks them.

“You'll never find him.” Michael tells him.

We hear a thump in the car next to Emmett’s.  Brian and Ted walk over and there is another thump from the trunk. Ted opens the car door and pops the trunk. I walk over when Brian barks out a laugh. There was Alex, shrink wrapped, with a gag in his mouth.

“Well Doc still think you can help them?” Brian asks him.

At his nod, Brian closes the trunk.”Emmett let the police know the where to find Alex.” Brian tells him as we see the police pull up.

“So Hawaii?” Ted asks us.