Brian had been in agony. No one could possibly understand how much pain he was in, especially when he had done his best to hide it from the world. Even he himself was having trouble registering just how deep the pain was inside his very soul. One stupid poorly made decision had all but cost a beautiful young man his life. And not just any young man. No...this was Justin, the blond boy twink who refused to go away despite Brian's valiant efforts to convince him to.

Brian knew he was nothing but trouble. Didn't his own father drum that into him over and over as he grew up in that hate filled house. The only human being he had ever let himself get close to was Michael and that was only because the poor kid had Debbie and his Uncle Vic for a buffer...a formidable pair if there ever was one. Brian knew that the two of them, Debbie especially, would keep Mikey safe from any screw ups Brian might make. But Justin had no one. Well, that wasn't exactly true. His father was worth shit, but he did have a loving mother. But she hadn't been strong enough yet to protect Justin from Brian's mistakes, and the night of the Prom proved just how big a mistake Brian could make.

She had developed quite a backbone once the fucking bashing happened. It had hurt Brian to his very core when she had asked him not to come around Justin any more. He had gone along with her wishes for only one reason. He agreed with her totally. He had felt as she did, that he was the direct cause of the bashing in the first place. He had only spent so much time with Justin, once it was clear the young man still wanted to be with him and didn't blame him too, because he knew he owed Justin that much. It had nothing to do with the fact that seeing Justin alive and still loving him was the only respite Brian had from his guilty feelings. Somehow, Justin's presence lessened the agony a little. But he owed it to Jennifer to honor her wishes. And he had.

Then one night, out of nowhere, she shows up at his loft. He had just finished trying to get some bit of pleasure from one more of his anonymous tricks but hadn't succeeded at all. For some reason, fucking just didn't have that spark anymore. The truth was, the one man he wanted to be buried inside was the one man he couldn't touch. Touching...that was what it was all about. Justin didn't just touch Brian's body...Justin touched something deep inside him, something that marked the difference between fucking and making love. Brian wanted to feel that again, but he hadn't since the last time he had been with Justin.

Now, here was Jennifer and she was asking Brian to do the one thing he wanted to do more than anything else in the world. She was actually asking him to touch and be touched by Justin. She had come to the conclusion that Brian was the only one who could help her son to get back to the awesome life loving young man he had been. Brian agreed readily, but for his own sake as much as Justin's. A part of him had died when Justin was bashed and he knew in his heart that he would only get that part back if Justin could recapture his life at the same time. It was ironic that it was Brian who recognized the importance of Jennifer's request even more than Justin, who was the beneficiary of it. The young kid reacted dangerously close to immature until Brian pointed out how lucky he was to have a mom who cared that much for her son. Brian knew his own mother would have swallowed poison before making the same request for her son's benefit. That cold-hearted bitch would have considered the bashing a blessing in disguise, praying it had scared her son away from men forever.

Then the unthinkable had happened. That night Brian had done his very best to make love to Justin...his very best. He had teased the nervous blond in a good humored gentle way about the way he had slipped into bed almost fully dressed, with boxer shorts and his shirt...such a huge departure from Justin's usual unabashed and unashamed naked jump into bed with all the vigor and enthusiasm of a young man who knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to go for it. Brian had kissed him so tenderly and then watched as Justin turned over onto his stomach, a favorite position of his. Brian had prepared to enter Justin, the anticipation building in his veins, and then disaster. The moment Brian was positioned at Justin's back door and ready to enter, Justin jerked away like a scalded cat. He had bolted to the edge of the bed and sat there with his shoulders slumped in defeat, leaving Brian hard and hurting. The hurt was as much for Justin as for himself.

Brian had tried so hard to reassure Justin, but it was clear that the kid felt agonized. Justin didn't know which way to turn and Brian was angry that he couldn't show him the way. That was the reason Brian stepped out of character and turned to someone else for advice. His psychiatrist friend gave him good advice and Brian was determined to try it. He would try anything to bring Justin back. The doc said Justin had to relive the memory of the bashing if he ever wanted to get past it. It was simple. Brian simply had to relive the worst night of his life in order to help Justin. He would do that if it meant helping Justin...and he did, first in the loft by recreating the actual dance to end all dances and then in the parking lot where the infamous act happened in the first place. Both attempts had been complete failures. All it brought was pain to Justin because he could plainly see Brian's torment and frustration for them both.

Then a miracle happened. The scary part was that it almost didn't happen. Brian had considered skipping his son's first birthday party but Justin wouldn't hear of it. In the end Brian knew they probably needed the diversion and Justin had been in love with Gus since his birth. So they went and that became the catalyst to unlocking all the demons of Chris Hobbs that Justin had buried so deep. The simple act of a toy baseball bat had been the key and Brian had noticed the look on Justin's face the instant he looked back at him standing on the porch. Thank heaven he was so close because Justin would have slid to the ground otherwise. Brian grabbed him up in his protective embrace and kept Justin from falling down from the sheer force of the brutal memories.

It hadn't been easy to explain to everyone why they were leaving the party early, but all Brian cared about was getting Justin back home to the loft and helping him to deal. He had walked Justin to the Jeep, all but carrying him, and taken him home. There he had given the young man a sedative to help him sleep, and he did sleep for hours. Brian had sat by the bed watching, just as he had all those long sleepless nights in the hospital corridor. Every moan and groan that poured out of Justin as he tossed and turned for hours on end was like an arrow stabbing at Brian's heart. Justin had finally seemed to settle into deep dreamless sleep and Brian had gotten up and fixed a quick snack. He had finished cleaning up after himself and headed back to the bedroom when he saw that Justin was awake.

Brian joined Justin on the bed in the darkened room with only the famous blue lights to illuminate their faces. Justin told Brian of the things he remembered, including Brian's attempt to warn him about Hobbs and then Justin made the first momentous move. He kissed Brian with such sweet tender love that it would have made a stone weep. He then removed the blood stained silk scarf that Brian had been wearing as some sort of penance all this time. When he whispered, "I want you inside me", to Brian the older man felt both fear and elation. He had to know if Justin was absolutely sure and the young man didn't hesitate to answer yes. All he wanted was for Brian to be slow and easy the way he had when first initiating Justin into the pleasures one man could give another....a memory that still brought waves of joy to Justin even a year later.

And it had been slow...slow and easy, and lasting all night. Brian had touched Justin everywhere...everywhere he could reach and feel. Justin's body had never once pulled away. He craved each touch. Every spot that Brian's fingers or mouth or tongue touched could still feel him even when he had moved on to another spot. There was no pain in being touched this time, neither emotional or physical, only great pleasure. It was as if he was losing his virginity all over again, only this time he knew the man loved him and it was so much sweeter because of that. When Brian slipped gently into Justin's body, he lay there as still as a statue...only this statue was warm and breathing with life. He simply didn't want to move yet. He just wanted to stay connected for a few minutes and glory in the feeling of Justin surrounding his manhood once more. It was too good a feeling to let slip away quickly.

Once Brian did start moving, it was with slow intense movements that touched deep inside at the very core of Justin's feelings. By the time the couple reached their climax, they had experienced an orgasm that all but shook the room. It was more than a release of semen...it was a release from the creature that had tried to tear their world apart. With their orgasm, they had put the pathetic Chris Hobbs in his place whether he ever would know it or not. He had done damage...there was no way around that....but together, Brian and Justin had taken back the one thing that a man like Hobbs wanted most to steal from gay men. They had taken back their right to feel love for one another and complete satisfaction as a single heart in two bodies.

And oh, what glorious bodies they were. Even after cumming together, Brian and Justin continued to touch each other over and over again that entire night. They would fall asleep for periods of time and then take turns waking each other with the feel of slowly building passion as the wakeful one would begin touching all those secret places that only lovers know about. By the morning, both men were exhausted but totally content. Brian knew it wasn't all over. He knew that Justin still had some fears in him, but those would be worked out. They had climbed the mountain together and reached the top. Now they would take the peaceful walk back down to earth together. Brian didn't know what the future would bring for he and Justin, but there was one thing that he had no doubts about. Justin had touched him to the very core of his being and it was something he was always going to be grateful for, even despite the pain it had brought him.

Brian also knew that he had touched Justin in the same profound way. And on this night, Brian began to feel that it wasn't such a bad thing that he had let himself become enmeshed in Justin's life. Much of the guilt that Brian had been feeling for all these months began to dissipate as they lay entangled together in their shared bed. Yes, Brian had been touched by the hand of love...by Justin Taylor, and he was coming away from it just as healed as the young man himself. It was a good thing...all good!

The End