Chapter 20 - Christmas Magic.

Brian was rushing to get home. Of course, the one time when he really, desperately needed a cab, there were none anywhere in sight. This was Madison-fucking-Avenue, New York City, how was it possible that there were no taxis around at five pm on a weekday? It was more than aggravating.

Brian was too anxious to just stand around waiting, though. He started walking in a generally northerly direction and figured he'd find a cab sooner or later. If not, he'd walk all the way to fucking SoHo. It didn't matter - at that moment he just wanted to get home.

‘Home’.

Brian surprised himself by using that word even in his own private thoughts. It was sort of an alien concept for him. Brian had never felt like he’d had a true home as a child. The Kinney family wasn’t exactly the homey type. Brian had spent most of his time in that household trying to figure out ways to escape that place. And, while he’d sometimes been invited into other families’ homes, they were never Brian’s home. Even the loft in Pittsburgh where Brian had lived most of his adult life - his very own space, his haven from the world - hadn’t really been a ‘home’. He’d always thought of it as ‘The Loft’, not his ‘Home’.

But now, it seemed that his mind had already labelled the shabby, small little SoHo apartment here in New York City as ‘home’? What the fuck was up with that? It wasn’t anyplace special. When he’d arrived he really hadn’t planned to stay in the tiny little hole for long. So, why was he already thinking of that place as his home? When he conjured up images of the tiny little apartment, though, it wasn’t the place itself he saw in his mind’s eye - he saw faces of people - mostly Justin, but also that spunky little Daphne and now Gus, too. In the very, very short time he’d been living in this place, he’d already racked up more fun memories than in all the years he’d resided at the Loft. That thought surprised him all over again.

Included in those memories were now images from the past couple of nights spent with Justin in his bed. Brian wasn’t sure why these past couple of nights should have been at all different from the thousands of other nights he’d spent with various men. Of course, he rarely spent a whole night with anyone - so maybe that was why this thing with Justin seemed so different. But, Brian was sure there was more to it than just that they’d slept entire nights together in the same bed.

Actually, everything with Justin was somehow different, starting from the very first time they’d had sex. Those first couplings had been amazing. Brian rarely let another man take control the way he’d let Justin. He could hardly believe that he'd let the kid ride him the first time they'd been together. That was really unusual for Brian, the Stud of Liberty Avenue, the quintessential top, the one who always had to be in control. But, the boy had seemed so confident, so intense and sure of himself, that Brian had been thrown off. He'd let Justin lead those first couple of fucks and just held on for dear life.

That all changed Saturday night. After Brian had finally talked Gus and Justin out of the ice skating rink, they'd made their way back to the little apartment with Gus falling asleep in the taxi on the way. The two men had put the boy into Justin's bed without any discussion at all - It seemed natural. And before either of them had a moment to rethink things, Brian and Justin had fallen into each other's arms.

After those first couple of rough and ready encounters, Brian had expected to find himself fighting off an aggressive blond again. But that wasn't the case at all. This time Justin had seemed to almost melt at Brian's first kiss. The youth was like putty in Brian's strong hands. That frisky, wanton cowboy from the night before had been replaced by a complaisant, accommodating, considerate admirer who willingly and wholeheartedly gave himself up to Brian's ministrations. Brian had enjoyed the lustly little cowboy but was completely won over by this more demur lover. As a result, Brian had exceeded his own expectations, masterfully fucking the boy into oblivion several times.

Then things had somehow changed again. Last night had been even more astonishing than Saturday night. The three of them had spent pretty much the whole day together doing ridiculously sentimental, Christmas-oriented things, none of which Brian had ever even tried before. It was all just so out of character for the quiet loner. Brian Kinney, a family man? Cutting down and decorating a Christmas tree? It was so far outside the man’s usual comfort zone that he didn't even have a frame of reference with which to guide himself.

As a result, Brian had been feeling more than a little raw. When he had inadvertently blurted out to Justin that he’d never done something as inane as making homemade Christmas decorations that were obviously geared towards a pre-schooler’s skill set, it had unnerved Brian more than he had ever thought possible. He’d tried to retreat after that. He’d tried to pull back into his shell. But, for some inexplicable reason, Justin hadn’t let him.

The overly enthusiastic blond boy of prior nights had come at him again, but this time he was aggressively tender and caring. There was still a passionateness that took Brian’s breath away, but there was more. Every one of Justin’s touches seemed so soft and attentive. Brian felt cared for in a way he didn’t even know was possible. It scared him too, but Justin was so solicitous and generous that Brian didn’t feel the need to pull away or hide. At least not until he woke up the next morning and was suddenly overcome with a vague embarrassment over how he’d acted. Justin affected not to notice, though, and busied himself with getting breakfast for Gus, which allowed Brian to pull together the shards of his usual protective mask.

A few minutes later, when his assistant at Kennedy & Collins had called in a panic and insisted that Brian come in to take care of the latest crisis, Justin had seemed not only willing to take over Gus duty for the day, but to have anticipated this development. The crafty young blond told Brian that he had a whole day of activities ready to go that would entertain Gus and that he didn’t mind in the least if Brian had to work. Brian was hesitant - not because he didn’t trust Justin with his son - but because he already had so little time with the boy that he didn’t want to waste one single minute of HIS time, let alone a whole day. But, there really wasn’t anything else he could do, so Brian had kissed his son and his blond and left for the office about ten.

Which was why he was so desperate now, at five pm, to get back. The little crisis that he thought he could deal with in an hour or less had ballooned and taken the entire day to resolve. This was his last day with Gus, for who knew how long, and it had been ruined. Brian was in a rotten mood, he was tired and he was disappointed in himself. And he was uncharacteristically and sentimentally looking forward to going home to his boys.

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“Daddy! Daddy! Come see! We did ‘crefs’!” Gus was waiting for Brian about two steps away from the door, jumping up and down and yelling as if his father was half a mile away. “We dec’rated the cookies and put them in the tree and Jus’n helped me make presents for you and Mommy and Momma and Gramma Debbie and then we hung up more chains. Come see!”

"Slow down, Sonnyboy," Brian found it impossible to maintain a bad mood in the face of such exuberance. "First of all, what's a 'cref'?"

"I think he means 'crafts'" Justin explained, coming out of the kitchen with a cookie sheet full of uniced sugar cookies. "Gus, bring your Dad over here and show him how we do up the cookies."

"C'mon, Daddy. I'll show you how to do cookies. I've done lots already. It's fun. Justin can make you any color icin' you want. Even orange!"

"Orange Christmas cookies, Sunshine?" Brian asked as he was dragged towards the table by an avid three-year-old.

"What can I say? Your son has a very artistic eye for color, Brian," Justin nodded approvingly at the many plates full of already decorated cookies sitting nearby. "And, the snowman's carrot nose did demand orange."

"See, Daddy!" Gus was rip-roaring-ready to show off his cookie work to his Daddy.

Brian sat and was entertained for quite a while as Gus, with occasional assistance from Justin, carefully explained the methodology behind the perfectly iced Christmas cookie. In the end there was more icing on Gus, the tablecloth, the floor and the chair than on the cookie. But, Gus seemed pleased with the results, so Brian consciously overlooked the mess and gave his son all the approbation the kid could handle. When the last cookie was fully decorated - Justin quietly decorating five cookies to every one that Gus managed - Justin took the child aside to wash him up while Brian was finally allowed to escape and change out of his suit.

As soon as he reemerged from the bedroom, Gus took Brian on a complete tour of the fabulously decorated abode. There were meters and meters of paper chains draped over every piece of furniture and taped to every wall. The gingerbread cookies from the night before had been decorated with white icing and hung on the tree with thin red ribbons laced through the little holes Justin had put in the tops of each one. The big, red popcorn balls were also on the tree, glowing under all the little multicolored twinkle lights. It was all incredibly festive.

“It’s the best Christmas Tree ever,” Gus declared with conviction as he surveyed the scene. “Daddy? What do you think? Did Jus’n and I do a good job? Is it the bestest tree you ever had?”

“It’s . . . It’s amazing, Sonnyboy . . ." Justin could see that Brian was choked up and having a hard time responding to the little boy, so he quickly jumped in and distracted the child by whispering something in the tiny little ear.

Gus immediately ran off down the hall towards Justin’s bedroom, grinning like an evil little elf.

“Brian?” Justin came up to the taller man and cautiously laid a consoling hand on Brian’s shoulder. “What is it?” the younger man asked in a hushed voice.

Brian took a deep breath and then blew it all out in a gust that took with it much of the unbridled emotion that seemed to have hit the man unawares. He shook his head, answering Justin’s question with ambiguity, just as Gus came barrelling back into the room with his arms full of several colorfully wrapped packages.

“Lookee, Daddy. I made presents for everyone!”

“Let’s put them all under the tree for now, Gus,” Justin took charge and grabbed the package on the top of the pile before it could fall.

“See, Daddy! This one’s for you. But you can’t open it till Christmas - Justin said - cause it has to be a s’prise! I’m gonna leave it here under the tree for you, but I’m taking all the others to 'Pissburg' with me.”

“That’s a lot of presents there, Gus,” Brian finally found his voice and praised the heap of presents. “Where did you get all those? You didn’t make Justin go broke buying all that stuff, did you?”

“No, Daddy! We didn’t buy these. I MADE them. Jus’n helped, though.”

“You made all that? How long was I gone, Sunshine?” Brian looked at the two grinning boys incredulously.

“We’ve been very, very busy,” Justin admitted. "But, I think we're done for now. Who's hungry?"

Gus chimed in immediately and demanded pizza. Justin seconded the motion. Brian caved in without too much argument and called in their order to a local delivery place. Before long the three guys were all lying together on the couch, too stuffed full of pizza to do anything or say much. They just sat there like lumps staring at the twinkling tree and admiring all the simple, handmade baubles and other ornaments.

It wasn't really the most elegant tree, but it certainly had more character than any other and the best part was how much fun it had afforded to Gus. Brian was simply amazed at how much effort Justin, this young man that he'd only known for a little more than a month, had put into the endeavor. It was such a sweet thing for him to do. It was truly wondrous. It was daunting. It made Brian feel . . . Brian wasn't sure exactly WHAT the fuck he felt about all this.

"Gus, I think your tree is beautiful," Brian confessed with more feeling than he wanted to show even after he'd had time to collect himself. "It's the most remarkable tree I've ever seen. You and Justin did a great job, Sonnyboy. How about we take a picture of you two in front of the tree so you can show your mommies?"

"Yeah!"

After the first picture of Gus and Justin, Gus demanded a second with his daddy. Then the child insisted that HE take another picture with Justin and Daddy together. That took a bit of doing. Brian explained to Gus how to use the camera app on his phone, but it took about ten tries before the little guy managed to take a picture that sort of got both men and the tree in the frame. There was a lot of laughing over the many mis-shots of feet, the ceiling, Brian's left nostril and Justin's crotch. Eventually, though, there was one, slightly tipped and blurry photo that Gus declared was good, allowing Brian and Justin to quit posing.

Justin was still sitting on the couch admiring the tree when Brian got back a little later from putting Gus to bed. Brian grabbed a couple of beers from the kitchen on his way and then sat close to the younger man, instinctively wrapping his arm around the smaller man’s shoulders, neither saying much as they sipped at their drinks. Justin was quite proud of how well the day with Gus had gone. He’d always been good with little children and he enjoyed being able to foster the boy’s creativity while getting to play with cookies and crafts himself.  

“Thank you for doing all this with Gus,” Brian commented quietly as if reading Justin’s mind. “I was really bummed that I didn’t get to spend the day with him, but I can see that he had plenty of fun. And your tree really does look amazing.”

“Thanks, Brian. Gus is a great kid. He has so much enthusiasm about everything. It wasn’t hard to keep him busy - it was just hard to keep up with him sometimes,” Justin chuckled, leaning his head even more against Brian’s sturdy shoulder. “It really is a great tree, though, isn’t it?”

“I remember when I was growing up, my mother always had to have the tree be all coordinated and she’d go out and buy matching decorations - like one year the tree was all done in gold and another year it was all in blue and green. Our tree was very suburban chic. Dad would even coordinate the outdoor Christmas lights to match. We had to keep up with the trendy neighbors, you understand? But, even then, my mother always managed to let Molly and I hang one or two special ornaments that we’d made ourselves - usually they were hidden in the back - just so we would know that we’d contributed to the tree. I think this kind of tree - with Gus making everything - is much more fun. So what if I fail at upholding all the lofty decorating ideals of my WASPy parents. I’ll take this tree over the one bought in a department store any day.”

Brian had been silently listening to Justin babbling. He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off the sparkling lights. When Justin looked up, Brian had a sad-looking smile on his face. There were those same twinges of emotion trying to break out that Justin had seen earlier in the evening when Gus had asked for Brian’s opinion about the tree. For some reason, this happy homespun tree seemed to knock Brian for a loop. Justin twisted his body around, lifting his legs to drape them over Brian’s lap and studied the stoic countenance with concern. He set his beer aside and brought the hand still cool from the beer bottle up to cup along the strong, slightly-stubbled, chiseled chin, tilting Brian’s face towards his own.

“Brian?”

“It’s nothing,” Brian tried to turn his face away from the evident concern that radiated off of Justin, but those firm artist’s fingers didn’t let go. “I just . . . I want to thank you for doing this for my son, Justin. It’s beyond . . . anything I could have even thought of . . . I . . . I don’t know much about Christmas or Santa, or trees, or crafts, or cookies, or . . . fuck . . . even about being a father, for that matter. I think - I hope - that this is one Christmas that Gus won’t ever forget and I’m really glad he’ll have this one great memory . . . and that I’ll . . .  I’ll be a part of it . . ."

Brian’s voice had lost volume as he spoke to the point that Justin almost couldn’t make out the last few words. But, just as he was sure that Brian was through and there wouldn’t be any more of this heartfelt confession, Brian whispered one last thing that wounded Justin’s heart.

“I don’t have that,” Brian admitted without fanfare, animosity or even overt regret.

It was simply a statement of fact. One little statement that explained a lot as far as Justin was concerned. No wonder Brian had seemed so out of his element doing something as commonplace as taking his kid to visit Santa or making paper chain decorations. Justin was thrilled that he had been able to give all this - not only to Gus, but to Gus’ father - and it made that silly little tree with its pre-school art decorations all the more beautiful in his eyes.

“Now you do,” Justin assured the big guy with a bittersweet smile. “You and Gus have at least one fantastic Christmas memory that you share.”

‘Yeah . . . we do,” Brian agreed and squeezed Justin’s shoulders with genuine unassumed affection. “Thanks, Sunshine,” Brian whispered and added a light kiss on Justin’s temple, trying to convey all the words that he couldn’t say with that one tender gesture.

“Now, if you’ll follow me,” Brian said, standing up and pulling Justin with him. “I think I can come up with several additional ways to show you my gratitude for helping with Gus all weekend.”

“Oh, really?” Justin wore a teasing smile, relieved that Brian’s mood had improved so quickly.

“Yes, indeed!” Brian asserted and then, before Justin could react, he bent over and hoisted Justin over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry and started toting the now struggling and protesting youth towards the bedroom.

“Brian! Put me down!”

“Nope. You’ve been a very busy little elf and you need your rest so I’m taking you to bed,” Brian insisted.

“To rest?” Justin asked incredulously.

“Eventually . . . Now stop squirming,” Brian demanded and enforced his directive with a quick, sharp swat on the wiggling bubble butt.  

As they approached the doorway to Brian’s room, though, Justin remembered one last surprise that he and Gus had concocted and, with a renewed effort, he finally managed to worm his way out of Brian’s clutches enough so that Brian set him on his feet before the boy fell over. Then, leading Brian a step or two, he positioned them both so they were standing together centered under the header of the doorway. When he had Brian perfectly where he wanted him, Justin wrinkled up his nose with amusement and beamed his most radiant smile at the taller man while he pointed upward.

Brian had already noted that the meters and meters of Gus’ paper chains had stretched all the way down the short hallway and back. What he hadn’t noticed when he’d come this way before, was that Justin had added some additional decorations above the doors to each bedroom and the bathroom - there were sprigs of fake greenery and big bows taped up amidst the chains  - making every door even more ornamental than the general holiday state of the rest of the apartment. The grouping of decorations above Brian’s bedroom door was even more elaborate than the others, though. When Brian looked up to examine the display, he broke out laughing with a simple, easy, relaxed laughter that eased any lingering pain in Justin’s heart from their prior discussion.

“You are a naughty little elf, Sunshine,” Brian admonished as he surveyed the large sprig of bright green mistletoe that was hanging down over his head, suspended by a red ribbon which was tied to a nail that was holding up both the mistletoe and the trusty, holey, travelling sneakers, newly adorned with red ribbons where the tattered old laces used to be.

“You’re supposed to kiss me now,” Justin informed him with a provocative grin.

“I didn’t know there was any superstitions about meeting under a pair of holey, dirty shoes?” Brian kidded in mock-serious anger, his tongue-in-cheek smile giving away the underlying humor at the situation.  

“Of course there are! Especially if the shoes are accompanied by mistletoe. It would be bad luck not to kiss me when those two things come together right over your head,” Justin insisted, already standing up on tip-toes with his head tilted to the side and his chin angled up for the kiss he expected.

If Justin was expecting a polite little peck on the cheek, though, he didn’t get it. What he got instead was a searing, passionate, deep kiss with Brian’s secure arms holding him up as he was forced to bend over backwards by the intensity of Brian’s onslaught. Brian’s lips were instantly melded to Justin’s and he sucked voraciously on the sweetness of the youth’s pouty lower lip. Justin opened his mouth to gasp at the suddenness of the embrace, but that only gave Brian greater access to plunder the depths of the blond that he wanted so desperately.

After untold, breathless moments, Brian pulled back enough to look down at the beautiful man he was holding. Justin’s sumptuous lips were a fiery coral red after the vigorous kissing they’d been subjected to. The youth’s breathing was coming out in tiny panting wisps and his eyes were closed. Brian couldn’t believe how captivated he felt at the mere touch of that soft, unblemished skin. Then, when he felt Brian’s pause had gone on too long, Justin opened his eyes and Brian was inundated with the sparkling blue fire of those enchanting eyes and the piercing beauty of that wide Sunshine smile.

“Brian?”

“Come on you naughty little elf. I’ve got some jingle balls you might like to play with,” Brian teased as he pulled Justin up again and then pushed the man further into his room, kicking the door closed behind them.