BRIAN

There was a time when I thought my life was everything I wanted. I was the guy everyone wanted. My friends worshiped me, tricks worshiped at my altar, and I had a son to carry on my legacy. The problem started when I looked to see I was a king alone on my throne. I had it all but something was missing. I tried to talk to my best friend but he told me I should just trick until the idea of anything missing went away. My Wendy told me that I should never be tamed. I finally talked to the one person who might understand, my CFO Ted.

“I just feel like there should be more to my life than tricking and partying.” I tell him.

“Do you feel okay?” Ted jokes.

“I’m actually trying to be serious.” I tell him.

“Brian, maybe it’s time for you to look for a relationship.” Ted tells me, realizing I’m serious about this.

“There’s no one left to have one with. The guys I’ve tricked with aren’t anyone I’d want to be in a relationship with. I honestly don't even like most of my friends and I certainly have no romantic feelings for any of them.” I tell him.

“Then look elsewhere. Brian you could live anywhere, it doesn’t have to be here.” Ted tells me.

“I want to still be able to see Gus.” I tell him.

“He’s eight, he can come to you. It will save you from Mel bitching when you visit and Lindsay trying to play with you both against each other.” Ted tells me.

“Thank you for not letting me sign over my rights.” I tell him.

“Lindsay was only doing it to get more support from you.” Ted tells me.

“If Gus hadn’t been the result, I would have regretted it.” I tell him.

“You're going to be in New York for two weeks, go out and meet people who don’t know you by your reputation.” Ted advises me.

That’s how I met Justin Taylor. I was walking around Central Park just wasting time between meetings when I heard someone yell at me to stand still. I turn to see what I thought was a teenager sitting on the bench with a sketch pad.

“Could you just stand there for a minute?” He asks me.

“Is there a reason?” I ask him realizing he was older than he looked and gorgeous.

“I just thought looking at you that I saw the ‘Face of God’, and wanted to sketch it for my next work.” He tells me smirking.

“If that’s your best line, you need to work on it.” I tell him, deciding Cynthia could deal with my next meeting.

“I always say kill them with kindness and they’ll do whatever I want.” He eyes me up and down.

“I thought you just flashed that smile and men did what you wanted.” I flirt because he’s hot.

“That just gets them to pay attention.” He tells me.

“Do you really want me to stand here or can I have a seat?” I ask him.

“If you stand there for ten more minutes we can go to my place next.” He tells me.

“What would we do at your place?” I ask him.

“I could cook you breakfast.” He tells me and starts sketching.

“You know it’s lunch time, don’t you?” I ask him.

“Yes, but I figure by the time we get done it would be time for breakfast and I plan to make sure you go home satisfied.” He tell me.

“I’m looking for more than just a night.” I tell him, pulling my lips into my mouth.

“Then stay for a few breakfasts and we’ll see where it goes.” He tells me seriously.

I ended up staying for two weeks worth of breakfasts. I couldn’t get enough of him and he wasn’t kicking my ass out on my last day but wanting to plan my next visit. I started spending two weeks a month with him for the next year and on our first anniversary I made him my husband. I did something I never did before, I talked about my family and friends without filtering my feelings about them. After that, Justin and I agreed to keep our relationship in New York because we wanted a chance to make this work without everyone getting involved. Gus and Ted were the only ones who knew about Justin because I felt like for the first time I had something of my own.

Gus and Justin had a hard time at first because Gus was afraid I would stop seeing him if I lived in New York. Justin solved it by giving Gus open tickets to visit whenever he wanted. When Gus complained that he wanted his own room, Justin renovated the apartment and decorated Gus’s room just the way Gus wanted. I sat Gus down to explain that I didn’t want everyone to know about Justin yet. Gus told me it would just cause everyone to try and break us up, so he was fine with keeping our secret. Of course it probably was that he had fallen in love with Justin and knew Lindsay and Michael would be charging in to rescue me from Justin.

I discovered that Justin was famous in art circles when I went to his first show. My husband was a gifted painter. People raced to be the first to buy his work. He thought it was nice they liked his work but never got a swelled head that people were practically kissing his ass to be included in his world. Justin told me that it came from watching artists become pretentious twits the minute they started selling. A lot had to do with him not needing the money because his grandfather had left everything to him and his sister. They were set for life before they were out of diapers. Justin just couldn’t see sitting around doing nothing all day and turned to painting to fill time. He went to college and got a dual degree in Business and Art History, just so that he could have a degree. He told me he wanted something to show he could be more than a rich kid.

When we got married Justin told me that what was his was mine and if I gave him any shit over it I could drive my ass back to Pittsburgh and be alone. It took a bottle of Beam and him fucking me into a coma for me to realize that if I was marrying him, the money was part of the package. I wasn’t a pauper but I was also not in his league yet. The morning after we were married Justin told me to stop overthinking the money, because he married the man he fell in love with in Central Park, not my wallet. I made love to him twice more for making me see what was really important.

At the end the first year, Justin and I moved to the house we bought together outside Pittsburgh. He still needed to be in New York, so we keep both residences. I rented out my loft to the next ‘Stud of Liberty Avenue’ and was thrilled to just belong to Justin. In the second year of our marriage Justin asked if we could have a child. I wanted him to have anything he wanted so we arranged for a surrogate and had our son then our daughter. I worried that Justin would be upset that I still hadn’t introduced him to more than Ted, Blake, and Gus, but Justin told me that he didn’t really want to meet people who thought I was only good for being Brian Fucking Kinney. He told me that to him I was good at being Dad to Gus, Julia, and JJ. The rest wasn’t worth the crap they put me through. I loved when we stayed in New York because I wasn’t worried that someone would come and burst the happiness I found with Justin. In Pittsburgh we stayed away from town. I only had to see Michael, Mel, and Lindsay when I went to work. Mel learned to not come to my office to demand anything if she didn’t want to be shown the door. Lindsay learned that the checkbook closed when she appeared, and Michael learned that I didn’t have time to listen to him complain that I was no longer around to show the guy taking my place who the real stud was. Deb ended up being an ally when she stopped by to see me one day.

“Are you happy?” She looks me in the eye.

“I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.” I tell her.

“Don’t let them make you think you owe them anything, be happy.” She whispers as she hugged me.

“I want you to meet the reason, Mom.” I whisper back.

“Tell me when and I’ll be there.” She tells me.

I gave Deb tickets to New York for her and Carl to meet my life. Justin smiled at Deb and that was all it took for her to love him. JJ and Julia thought she was the coolest person they knew. Deb agreed to keep my secret, but visited her grandbabies all the time. I fell in love with Justin’s mother and sister because they came with unconditional love and support. His father left them when he found out Justin was gay, but none of them seemed to care he was gone. Jen and I talked about why I kept Justin and the kids away from my old friends.

“They think I should be who they want me to be. I want my life with Justin. If they knew about it, they would make Justin’s life hell.” I tell her.

“My son can handle anything people dish out.” She tells me.

“I don’t want him to have to.” I tell her.

“If they do find out and you need me, I want you to know I’m here for you.” Jen tells me.

I wasn't sure why I kept Michael and Lindsay in my life when they no longer fit in the life I was living. Michael married a college professor and would invent drama just to have stories to tell Ted and me when we went out. I would sit there wishing that I was home instead of sitting in Woody’s listening to how Ben made Michael feel like a kid and that he should have just walked away but he loved Ben. Ted and I managed to refrain from rolling our eyes every time Ben’s name was brought up.

“You wouldn’t understand how hard it is to keep a relationship going.” Michael tells me.

“I always thought that when you LOVE someone you don’t sit around bitching about them.” I tell him.

“Your relationships last long enough to kick them out of bed, so I don’t think you really should be talking.” Michael tells me.

“Well Blake and I seem to do fine without the shit you talk about.” Ted tells him.

“I should have just told Emmett about it, at least he understands.” Michael tells us.

“Emmett needs to get rid of the asshole.” Ted tells us.

I worried about Emmett but until he saw the guy was a dick, there wasn’t much we could do about it. Calvin better be glad he wasn’t abusing Emmett, because that is where I would have intervened.  Emmett let the guy change everything that made Emmett, Emmett. I was just waiting for Emmett to relight his flame, because Calvin would get burned by it.

“Calvin just wants Emmett to not embarrass him in front of people.” Michael tells Ted.

“There is nothing wrong with Emmett, just the idiots he dates.” Ted tells Michael.

“Let’s not talk about bad dating ideas, wasn’t Blake the one who left you to die?” Michael asks him.

“Michael, you can sit here alone if you bad mouth Blake.” Ted tells him.

“I’m not saying he’s like that now, but you really shouldn’t judge Calvin when you married the guy who almost killed you.” Michael tells Ted.

“You would know about bad decisions wouldn’t you Michael? Weren’t you the one who dated Dr Dick”? I tell him to keep Ted from kicking his ass.

“David just wanted something I wasn’t ready for.” Michael tells us.

“You mean he wanted a bimbo to take care of the house.” Ted tells him.

“You know, I was hoping to come out and have fun with my friends but if you want to be a jackass tonight maybe you should go home.” Michael tells Ted.

“Have fun Michael.” I tell him as Ted and I get up to leave.

“Brian, you should look around, guys are eyeing you. You need to show them you're still the guy they all want.” He tells me.

“If you need to hang out with the stud then go hang out with Brandon, he’s making the rounds.” I tell him and let him stew by himself.

Lindsay and Mel seem to want to make me pay for breathing. Mel was still pissed that I wouldn’t give up custody of Gus. I couldn’t figure out what difference it would make. She was still his legal guardian and allowed to make decisions concerning him, so why did I have to give up my son? Lindsay wanted to be the center of Mel’s and my attention. When I started spending all my time with Justin, Lindsay started using Gus as the reason I should be home more. The week before she knew I would be in New York she invented reasons why I needed to stay home. It wasn’t until she started calling Ted for money every week that I arranged for us to have lunch and discuss why she needed the money.

“Brian, I want Gus to have the best of everything.” She tells me.

“I don’t have a problem with Gus having things. I just want to know why you are constantly calling for money.” I tell her.

“I wanted to talk about these trips you keep taking.” She tells me.

“Which has nothing to do with the money you’ve been asking for.” I tell her.

“Brian, it’s not like you can’t afford it, and you always said anything for Gus.” She tells me.

“That means Gus, not Mel, you, or Jenny.” I tell her.

“I only wanted to get Jenny things she needs.” She tells me.

“Then Mel and Michael need to do it, not you, and definitely not me.” I tell her.

“Brian, we have to budget for things and if you can help, you should, it’s not like you have a family to take care of.” She tells me.

“I work for the money you seem to think flows out of my account into yours. I’m here today to tell you get a second job if you and Mel can’t support yourselves. Ted has been told that if you come with a request he needs documentation to show what it’s for. I will not buy a fucking car so Mel can drive it.” I tell her.

“We need it for Gus too.” She tells me.

“I’ll call a service for Gus if he needs it, but you and your wife need to learn to take care of yourselves.” I tell her.

“I can deal with a service.” She smiles at me.

“I don’t think you understood what I was telling you. Gus can use it, not you or your bitch of a wife.” I tell her.

“Brian, we might need to talk about how it would look if we took you to court over Gus.” She threatens me.

“Take me to court and see how much a judge would expect me to pay. I’ll make sure you never see a dime beyond what the court decides I have to pay.” I threaten her back.

“Brian, let’s not turn this into a fight. I was just asking for money that you agreed to help with when I need it.” She tells me.

“No, I’m talking about you expecting forty thousand because you had my son. I’ve talk to my lawyer and he let me know that I’ve given you more in the last year than most fathers give in a lifetime. Don’t test me on this, because you and Mel won’t come out of it looking as if you couldn’t support your household.” I tell her.

“Fine, but I think I need to go home and let Mel know you aren’t willing to help Gus.” She tells me.

“Go ahead, because I’ll just ask her how much she supports Gus. Last I checked, she doesn’t.” I tell her.

“She has to pay for Jenny’s things because Michael doesn’t help out.” She tells me.

“Should have really thought that decision through.” I tell her as she leaves in a huff.

Mel was smart enough not to come to me about the money. Instead it was that Gus was being spoiled because he spent every weekend with me. She didn’t want the children to see the difference in their fathers. I told her that there was no way to stop that, I wasn’t Michael and I didn’t parent the way Michael did. She chose the father of her child because she thought he would stay out of her child's life and she was right. I wasn’t going to ignore my son because she wanted them to be equal in neglect.

We managed to get to year five before the first person found out, and it snowballed into everyone finding out. Year five was the year all hell broke loose in Pittsburgh. I think my husband is going to make them wish they never found out.