RYDER

“I decided that Ben needs to play with me. We could have lunch, right? Then I could suggest the whole house idea. I mean he's moved out of his house and needs a place to live, right?” I ask Gus, while we watch the other kids play. 

“You're asking me for advice?” Gus asks.  

“Well yeah, you watch people and see things we all miss. I mean, if I stay here and buy a house for Jenny, I kind of see other people sharing it with me, and I kind of want Ben. I also think that a new house will make you more comfortable with Jenny not always being around you.” I tell him. 

“Why do you want to buy a house?” Gus asks me. 

“I want to be here to see you and Jenny grow up. I think I want to see what it’s like to have a place to call home. I've got to say that sounded too parental for me, but it’s how I feel right now.” I tell him.

“It sounds like you want to find a place to belong.” Gus tells me.     

“You think so?” I ask him. 

“I think it's why Jenny has problems. Between her and I we've lived in several different places because our moms can't figure out that they don't belong together. We’ve always had each other but never a place to call the home we live in.” He tells me. 

“Hasn't Jenny always lived in that house?” I ask him.

“Yeah, I guess it's really me.” He tells me. 

“Gus, home is here.” I tell him, putting my hand over his heart. “And here.” I tell him putting my hand on his head. “That house is just the place you seek shelter from storms.” I tell him pointing at the house.

“Is this where I get to hear a story?” He asks smirking like his father.

“This is where you understand that you are too young to build Jenny a place to call home. Let us do it.” I tell him. 

“You promise that she'll be okay?” He asks me. 

“I don’t need to promise you that, I plan to do it, but I want and need you to let me.” I tell him. 

Gus stares at me like he's trying to believe he can let go and be a kid. We've all watched him try to pull back from doing things for Jenny, but still do them anyway. It's hard for him to stop, because in his mind, nobody can do what he knows how to do.

“Gus, start by not fixing her plate and sitting her down and telling her to eat. She can do it herself. Another thing, let her play without you sitting and watching her because you're afraid of what could happen if you don’t.” I tell him. 

“I left her alone and she got lost.” He tells me as Brian sits next to us. 

“Gus, that wasn't your fault.” Brian tells him. 

“It feels like it.” Gus tells him. 

“Why would it be your fault?” Brian asks him.

“I was too busy having fun.” He tells us. 

“No, Mom and I didn’t do our jobs. If we had, you wouldn’t be worried about Jenny, but playing with that giant fort your father wanted for you.” Mel tells him from behind us.

“So why not play instead of sitting with me and watching.” I tell him. 

“I was nervous. I know the dads were talking to Mom.” He tells us, making no move to go.

“You’re staying here with us.” Justin tells him.

“Jenny?” He asks looking at Mel.

“Here for now, I want you to feel comfortable that she's with me.” Mel tells him. 

“I don’t, but if she’s here, Ryder will help me.” At that, he runs to play, but we all saw the skepticism.

“He wants to believe you, but not until you put all his fears to rest.” Uncle Matt tells her.

“I'm not expecting easy, look who his father is.” She tells us, smiling at Brian.

“So can we talk about me, it's my turn Uncle Matt.” I beg like a five year old to get everyone to laugh.

“I think we gave you too much attention.” He tells me. 

“I'm hoping to get some special attention.” I tell him wiggling my eyebrows. 

“How about I watch my grandkids and you all go do something. I need to check how much therapy the kids will need because of you.” Uncle Matt tells me.

“Can we invite Benalicious?” I ask.

“As long as I never have to hear you say that again.” Brian tells me. 

BEN

When Justin called and said everyone was coming to Babylon for a night of fun, I almost turned him down. He told me that it was just fun, not a lifelong commitment, and told me Brian would pick me up. I guess one night without thinking wouldn't hurt anything. 

“So professor, you really ending it with Michael?” Brian asks me in the car.

“Nothing will change, he's waiting for you. I think you not bringing Justin around sooner just made it easier for him to believe it. Now, in a matter of a week everything he pushed into the back of his subconscious is running to the front, and he couldn't pretend what he wanted isn’t in danger.” I tell him. 

“It's all on Michael. You tried to give him what I never wanted to.” He tells me. 

“I know, but nothing makes it better that I still married him, knowing he was in love with you.” I tell him. 

“Then have fun until it does, sitting around analyzing something you couldn’t have done anything about won't help.” He tells me. 

“Brian you're talking to me, I always analyze things to death.” I tell him. 

“Hang out with Ryder and you won't have time, because he’ll be too busy telling you shit you don't care to know, but will listen to anyway. It's like he puts shit in to keep you interested to the end.” He tells me.

“I'm not ready for what Ryder wants, I'm just getting out of my relationship with Michael.” I tell him. 

“Then let me ask you what Ryder asked Mel, ‘was the fucking you were getting worth the fucking over you got?’ That's my spin on what he asked.” He tells me. 

“It wasn’t all crap, but to answer you, no it wasn't.” I tell him. 

“I suggest you do things my old way, until you see that loving someone isn't supposed to make you question if it was you, when he couldn’t love anyone the way he should.” He tells me. 

“I think what bothers me more is that I don't regret walking away. Shouldn't I feel some loss?” I ask him. 

“If you really love someone, then it should make you feel like you can't breathe when they’re not there. That all the color they bring to your world is less vibrant and that some part of you is missing because they have it. It's how I knew Justin was the one.” He tells me.

“I been trying to figure out what makes you and him work. Justin’s nice to look at, but I always saw you with someone different.” I tell him.

“Most people look at us and try to figure it out. Justin’s better at hiding his mistrust than I am. I think it’s from years of wondering why people were trying to befriend him. Money motivates people to do things they normally wouldn’t. I can tell you that it was the first morning with him that made me see there could be more if I wanted it. It was the first time that I wanted to sit and tell someone about the things that bothered me about my life. I didn’t feel the need to hide that I didn’t like the way my friends expected me to always be there, but took anything I wanted and decided that I could fuck my way back to be normal as they wanted me. For me it’s simple, Justin gets that I want more and won’t listen to excuses not to work to get it.” He tells me.

“And Michael wants to make the excuses, and for us to solve it for him so he doesn’t have to work for anything.” I tell him.

“Mel thinks that Lindsay has the same problem, we all did the heavy lifting so the Queen could sit on her feather pillow and survey her subjects. I think I’ve been hanging with Ryder too much because that sounds like him and not me.” Brian says, rolling his eyes.

“He does seem to have a flair for telling stories.” I tell him.

“Ryder can be serious, but he doesn’t see the need in worrying all the time.” He tells me.

“You really want to sell him to me don’t you?” I ask him.

“No, just show you that everything isn’t a joke to him.” He tells me.

“I think I saw that in your driveway. How did he get so attached to Jenny?” I ask, because it bothers me that a guy who barely knows Jenny loves her more than Michael.

“He wants to be the knight who guards the princess. My princess doesn’t need that from him, but Jenny was the princess in the lonely tower, it plays into his fairy tale. Ryder likes to save people from anything that will hurt them. In a way Ryder makes me see Gus when he grows up, because he and Ryder have that in common. If you ever repeat this I will deny it, but Gus couldn’t have a better person to become like when he grows up.” He tells me as he parks.

“Brian, if he became like you he couldn’t have a better person to be like.” I tell him.

“Yeah, but Ryder had love all his life, I had pain until I met Justin. I like the idea that he grew up like Ryder.” He tells me, looking at Justin talking to the doorman.

“Jenny is half the reason I don’t see Michael in my future. He had a child and barely bothered with her. Ryder shows up and is running around to make her happy. I want children but I can’t, so when Mel got pregnant I saw it as a way to have one, but Michael wouldn’t bother to do things like help out, even with Jenny’s basic needs, and Mel used it to get him to give up custody. Which meant that I couldn’t really do anything but see her when the girls allowed it.” I tell him.

“Michael did what Mel knew he would, run from responsibility. She wasn’t stupid, she didn’t want to share her child with anyone. What do you think that Justin is talking to Mark about?” Brian asks me as we walk toward the door.

“Justin gets along with anyone doesn’t he?” I ask him.

“As long as they treat him with respect he will.” He tells me, scowling when Justin pecks the doorman on the cheek and comes running to him. 

“Is there some reason you kissed Mark?” Brian asks him, pulling him to him.

“He didn’t let your best friends in tonight when they ordered him to.” He tells Brian, kissing him.

“Next time, buddy pat on the back.” Brian tells Justin.

I walk to the door because watching them play fight with each other was fun, but Brian’s right, I need to find my own fun and let everything else fall the way it’s going to. I see Emmett dancing with Ryder, while Drew, Ted, and Blake, are talking to Mel. I look and decide that Emmett needs to let Drew dance with him. I think a little Ryder in my life will bring it color.