RYDER 

Justin came home not his usual happy self, and said two words that made everything make sense.

“Sperm Donor.” He tells me. 

“Lindsay is apparently engaged to him.” Brian tells me. 

“Isn’t she still married to Mel?” I ask him. 

“They tried saying that they should raise not only Gus, but JJ, and Julia. You know, because we homosexuals won't give them a proper upbringing.” Justin tells me. 

“Isn’t Lindsay like somewhat of a lesbian?” I ask.

“Guess it depends on what day it is.” Justin tells me. 

“She gave up her rights to Jenny, so at least that worked out. I got her to act like a lunatic, by doing what Uncle Matt said.” Justin tells me. 

“She really didn’t like you rubbing in your relationship with Gus. At least we showed she isn’t Betty Homemaker.” Daphne tells us. 

“All they would have needed was pictures of her housekeeping skills to see that.” Brian tells her. 

“We'll see if she's planning to take this further, but James wasn't happy with the things that came up. Brian, if this goes to court, you need to expect your past to come up.” Daphne tells him. 

“I'll admit to what I did, but I'm not the same person I was then.” Brian tells her. 

“Lindsay has enough crap of her own.” Justin tells her. 

“I'm just making sure you’re ready for it. You saw what not being prepared did today. If Lindsay and Craig had been honest with James, he would have warned them what could come up.” Daphne tells us. 

“Daph, Craig has never thought past himself, so see it as a win.” I tell her. 

“I hope Lindsay’s parents love bailing the future son-in-law out.” Daphne tells us. 

“Craig is here?” Jen asks as she and Matt come in.

“Yep, and engaged to Lesbo Lindsay, or do I say undecided Lindsay, because she's kind of confusing, or confused.” I tell her. 

“They were trying to say they should have custody of ALL our kids.” Justin tells her. 

“We need to enforce the deal.” Jen tells him.

“I had to keep the smirk off my face when he sat down. All I could think was that he really didn't think we'd do it.” Justin tells her. 

“He's probably hoping you'd be too busy scrambling to keep the kids to remember.” She tells him. 

“I guess he's figured out that I can multitask.” Justin tells her. 

“Matt and I are going to visit Deb, so we’ll see you guys later.” Jen tells us.

“Mom, try not to threaten anyone while you’re visiting.” Justin tells her.

“If you do, call so we can watch, because we hate not being part of the fun.” I tell her.

“Ryder, go implode something, and I’ll do what I do best.” Jen tells him.

“Why can’t I have fun? I’ve been good, no one has had any surprises lately.” I tell her.

“You're just scared of Uncle Matt.” Daphne tells me.   

“Well yeah, he thinks of punishments that make you think.” I tell her.

“How’s the house building going?” Daphne asks me.

“It would go better if Mel would quit acting like she had to pay for shit she can’t afford.” I tell them.

“I just don’t want you to pay for the whole thing. With Lindsay gone, I have money that I can put into it, but Ryder, a bowling alley with a bar isn’t a necessity.” Mel tells him coming in with Jenny and Gus.

“I like the bowling alley.” Gus tells us.

“See, it’s a man thing.” I tell her.

“Mel is actually a good bowler.” Brian tells me.

“Like I said, it’s a man thing.” I tell him, and evade Mel when she comes after me.

BEN

I honestly thought Michael would just sign the papers and we could be done with this, but no, he has to turn this into a big deal. I want this done so we can part and I can see if I’ve met someone who I’ve been looking for all my life. I had Michael meet me at my office to keep this between us and not have him fighting his mother to avoid the issue.

“Ben, I need you to see that you are important to me.” Michael tells me.

“Michael, we want different things, and I don’t see any way to salvage our marriage. You want Brian, and I don’t see you ever giving up and realizing that he doesn’t see you in his life.” I tell him.

“I don’t want Brian right now, it’s just when you're gone I want to know that there is someone there for me.” He tells me like that excuses him from everything he’s done.

“I want someone who isn’t looking at our relationship with a finish date. Michael you need to look for someone you can be happy with, because you're never going to change Brian’s mind.” I tell him.

“You only want this because of Ryder. Justin seems to have it out for me, he’s taking all my friends and now he has you cheating on me with Ryder.” Michael tells me.

“I haven’t done anything but hang out with Ryder, because I want us over first. He at least sees me, which you never seem to be able to do.” I tell him.

“Why don’t you let your boy toy know that I’m not going to make it easy for him to take you and Jenny from me.” He tell me.

“You made it easy for Jenny to want a father, by never being one for her. You want to know why I see Ryder as someone who I have a future with?” I ask him.

“Because he’s willing to suck your dick without a condom?” He sneers.

“I see a future with him because he took one look at that lonely little girl and decided she needed a hero. He barely knew her, but he cared. You’ve had all her life to act like a father and unless it gets YOU attention, you don’t seem to remember she exists. Jenny would be miserable if left to your idea of being a dad.” I tell him.

“I did what Mel and Lindsay wanted, it’s not my fault they screwed up.” He tells me.

“A real father would have seen she needed him, but you're too busy fucking up to see anything.” I tell him.

“I think that it’s all Justin’s fault. The minute he came along, Emmett ran out of a healthy relationship with Calvin. Lindsay and Mel started having problems, and you leave me. We were doing fine, and then after hanging out with HIM, you come home and act like I’m doing something that changed the way you feel.” He tells me.

“You're right, I went over there to see why one person had managed to make you crazy. What I saw was that Brian found a person who shares their life. Our marriage has been about what you want or need, but never about us. Justin doesn’t make Brian be anything but who he is. As for Emmett, there was nothing healthy about giving up who he is to be with Calvin. If you think Calvin’s such a catch then you should go for it, because we are done.” I tell him.

“I want the house, but you aren’t getting out of helping me pay for it.” He tells me, ignoring everything I said.

“Then we sell it, because I’m not paying for a house that I don’t own.” I tell him.

“You wanted the house, you should help with your responsibilities.” He tells me, and I look up to see Ryder making faces at Michael’s back. 

“How much?” Ryder asks Michael who turns and scowls.

“This is between Ben and me, it has nothing to do with you.” He tells Ryder.

“But you see, I want to see the yummy Ben naked, and you're in my way. So I figure I pay his half and you go away. You're a bit annoying, and interfering in my potential sex life.” Ryder tells Michael, and pushes my chair back to sit on my lap.

“I think I should sue for alienation of affection because of you.” Michael tells him.

“That’s a big word for you isn’t it? I was told to speak in sentences that a fifth grader would understand when talking to you. I want Ben free of you, so what will it take for that to happen?” Ryder asks Michael, grabbing my arms and pulling them around him.

“Tell Brian he has to talk to me without anyone around, and I’ll sign.” He tells Ryder, and no, he isn’t going to use me to get to Brian.

“Then don’t sign Michael, because I can divorce you, it will just take longer. I’m not going to be your way to make Brian deal with you.” I tell him.

“Wait, why would that make a difference?” Ryder asks Michael.

“I can agree to Brian being in Jenny’s life, but not the rest of you. I agree with Lindsay, Gus and Jenny are being exposed to too many people we don’t know, and we are worried about their welfare. And I don’t think he wants me to testify to his past.” Michael tells Ryder.

“I swear, Lindsay must have big balls. First she shows up with Justin’s sperm donor, claiming to be engaged and denouncing gay people raising kids. Then she’s got you thinking that somehow taking away Brian and Justin’s kids will make Brian do what?” Ryder asks him.

“What are you talking about?” Michael asks him.

“Your evil queen thought to bring a new player into this game. Did she not tell you that she thinks children can be only raised by straight people, or did she leave that out?” Ryder asks him, looking concerned.

“Lindsay wouldn’t do that to me.” He tells us.

“She doesn’t like you, so of course she would. The thing I don’t get is, what is she trying to get out of all this? Your obvious, but she’s still a mystery to me. Unlike you, it couldn’t be Brian, because he’s GAY, so care to fill me in on what she’s trying to get? Money was my thought.” Ryder tells Michael.

“She’s helping me, not herself. Brian owes it to us to take care of us.” Michael tells us.

“How is her trying to get custody of Brian’s other kids helping you? You might want to see what Lindsay’s real agenda is, because it not you.” Ryder tells us.

Michael gets up and leaves, not saying a word but I can see something isn’t what Lindsay convinced him of.

“So, am I going to have to wait for naked Ben if these aren’t signed, because dude, I’ll buy Mikey a house for that.” Ryder tells me.

“No house needed, just lock the door.” I tell him.