Past Tense

Chapter 6


Saturday morning dawned dull and cool. Brian rolled over and looked at the clock. It was already after eight. He and Justin had fucked the night away, after Justin returned from his dinner shift at the diner. Brian smiled as he watched the rise and fall of Justin’s chest with his steady, even breathing. That’s what Justin had been since Brian’s financial mess had been revealed – steady and even and … ready to help – ready to do anything he could to make the situation better. Brian ran a hand along Justin’s arm where it lay atop the duvet.

“Mm,” Justin replied to the touch, as he started to stir.

“I’m going to see Gus,” Brian whispered. “I promised him. You can sleep if you want.”

Justin’s eyes fluttered open. “I’m coming with you,” he declared.

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to … I’m coming.”

After a little frolic in the shower they made their way over to Lindsay’s bearing bagels and coffee. When Lindsay opened the door of the house, Gus launched himself into his father’s arms.

“Daddy!” Gus cried.

Brian lifted the boy up and buried his face in the soft auburn hair so much like his own, yet seemingly without the unruly cowlick at the crown that always plagued Brian in the morning. Brian held onto the boy, relishing the total love and adoration that his son seemed to have for him. It was never something he had expected, but the feeling was mutual. He loved his son, more than he could ever explain, more than he would ever admit … except to Gus.

When Brian finally looked up, he saw Lindsay staring at him with a quizzical look on her face.

“Hey, Sonny boy, you ready to play trains?” Brian asked as he blinked and cut the connection between himself and Lindsay.

“Yep,” Gus said immediately bobbing his head enthusiastically.

“Say hi to Justin first,” Brian said.

“Hi, Justin,” Gus said with a big smile. He leaned out of his father’s arms so that Justin could take him.

Justin handed the coffees and bag of bagels to Lindsay and took Gus from his father. He got a big hug and a kiss to the cheek in return. “Hey, buddy,” Justin whispered.

“I like that you’re here, Justin,” Gus stated.

“I guess I know where that leaves me in the pecking order,” Brian pretended to gripe, now finding himself with empty arms.

“I love you too, Daddy,” Gus replied. “Let’s play.”

“We brought you some new cars for your train,” Brian explained as he picked up the bag they had set down by the door.

“Yay,” Gus enthused. “Let me see.” He poked his nose into the bag.

“Brian, you shouldn’t have,” Lindsay said, but her chastisement held no real conviction.

“I can buy things for my son if I want,” Brian informed her. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Brian realized that he had never paid Justin for the trains he bought. He’d have to make sure to do that. And he also realized that extravagant gifts, not that this one really was extravagant, were going to be rather scarce for the next while.

While Brian and Gus went to sit on the floor and open the new train packages, Justin and Lindsay unpacked the bagels and set them out on a plate. They opened the tub of cream cheese that was in the bag with the bagels, and Lindsay found some jam in the fridge.

“These smell so good,” Lindsay said. “They’re still warm.”

“Let’s have one,” Justin suggested. “They’ve forgotten we’re even here,” he added as he looked over at Brian and Gus.

“Great idea,” Lindsay said sitting down at the dining room table. She picked up half a bagel and started adding cream cheese.

Justin did the same, but he also noticed that she kept glancing over at Brian. Brian was watching Gus open the packages and start putting the track together, but he was not really participating in what was going on.

“Where’s Melanie?” Justin asked hoping to distract Lindsay.

“She’s at the office working on some case.”

“I’m sure that will please Brian.”

Lindsay chuckled, but then looked over at Brian once again. “Justin, is everything all right?” she asked before taking a bite of her bagel.

“Sure, why do you ask?”

“Brian seems a bit … distracted.”

“He’s probably thinking about how to advertise Lionel trains,” Justin suggested with a laugh.

“He looks sad … or worried … or something.”

“He was fine when we left the loft,” Justin lied. He knew only too well what Brian was probably thinking about.

“The … the cancer’s not back, is it?” she asked with worry written all over her face.

“God, no, nothing like that.”

“Then what is it like?” Lindsay asked pointedly.

“Um … really, Lindsay, nothing’s wrong.” Justin hoped that sounded convincing, but Lindsay’s stare didn’t make him think that she believed him.

“Mommy, me and Daddy are hungry,” Gus said as he came over to the table.

“No kidding,” Lindsay laughed. “I guess opening all those boxes was hard work.” Gus nodded. “Hop up on the chair and I’ll fix you a bagel,” she said. She noted that Brian was still sitting on the floor near the train track that they had just put together. “Brian, come join us. Your coffee’s getting cold.”

Brian started to shake his head, but then thought better of it. He slowly got to his feet and moved over to sit next to Justin at the table.

“Is everything going all right at Kinnetik?” Lindsay asked as she slathered jam on the bagel for Gus.

Justin knew she was fishing for information, but he didn’t say anything. Brian would have to deal with Lindsay himself. He could decide what he wanted her to know.

“Just peachy,” Brian replied.

Lindsay stared at him. “Considering that everything’s so peachy, you don’t seem very upbeat.”

“What do you want me to do – cartwheels across the room?” Brian asked sarcastically.

“You’re better at handstands, but not much,” Justin said with a wink.

That caused Brian to smile at the memory it conjured up of their first night together. “I’m great at everything I do. Right, Sonny boy?” he asked ruffling Gus’ hair.

“Yep,” Gus said his mouth full of bagel and his face covered in jam.

Lindsay let out a sigh and decided she wasn’t going to get anything more out of Brian … or Justin.

Brian spent his time with Gus watching the little train going around the bigger track they had put together. They made occasional tooting sounds as the train passed the station. Justin joined them after a while and added his voice to the sound of the train.

Lindsay watched from the table. She sensed that something was wrong, but apparently no one was ready to confide in her.



*****



By Monday morning there were still no new developments in the identity theft case. Chase Hammond had not called, either about the ad campaign or about the possibility that Brian was his half brother. Brian had very ambivalent feelings about the possibility that he and Chase Hammond were related. He was more concerned that Kinnetik had lost the Hammond Foods advertising account – that he had lost the account. Considering the debt that the identity thief had racked up in Brian’s name, that new account would have come in very handy.

However, all that taken into consideration, the routine at Kinnetik and at the loft pretty much returned to normal. Justin did indeed get the job at Maxim Graphics and had gone into work that morning. However, it would be two weeks before he’d get his first paycheck. In the meantime he was taking whatever shifts at the diner that he could fit in around his job at the graphics company. That meant there would be much less time for him and Brian to be together … much less time to fuck.

The lack of results from the police, and more importantly from the private detective, had done nothing to improve Brian’s mood. He was used to being in total charge, and now it seemed like everything was out of his control.

“Fuck!” Brian said as he opened an email from American Express. The minimum payment on his hundred thousand dollar debt was fucking exorbitant. He pressed a number on his phone and barked, “Schmidt, get the fuck in here!”

“You bellowed,” Ted said as he hurried into the office.

Brian gave him a death glare. “Look the fuck at this,” he said turning his computer screen so that Ted could see the email.

Ted shrugged. “The alternative to paying that is your credit goes in the toilet. I don’t think you want that.”

“Can I declare fucking bankruptcy?” Brian asked.

“You could, but that’s not advisable either.”

“Then how the fuck am I supposed to pay this?”

“I’m working on that, boss. I think we can give you a two thousand dollar a month raise, and we will use all that plus anything you can free up from the rest of your salary to pay down the total amount. The sooner we get it down to a manageable sum, the better off you’ll be.”

“But this is just one credit card company. What about Visa … and the others?”

“Their rates will be much the same.”

“Fuck! This is ridiculous.”

“It was all done in your name, so you’re responsible, at least for part of it.”

“Part?”

“I’m trying to get them to take some responsibility for allowing the change of address, when they weren’t actually dealing with you. I may be able to negotiate the debt down a little.”

“I don’t see why I should have to pay any of this.”

“I know, but you don’t want your credit ruined. In the eyes of the credit card companies…”

“Don’t fucking say another word,” Brian demanded. He ran his hand over his eyes, while he bit back the other thousand expletives that he wanted to utter.

“Yes, boss,” Ted said heading for the door.

Brian sighed and leaned back in his chair. He closed his eyes trying to blot out the world as he knew it. How could this fucking happen to him? Something had to start going right or he was going to off himself. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

The phone buzzed telling him that Cynthia wanted his attention. “What?!” he barked into the instrument.

“Chase Hammond is on line one.”

“What?”

“I said…”

“I heard you,” Brian cut her off. “Put him through.” Brian took a deep breath and steeled himself for the tirade he expected. It was too much to hope that Chase would be calling to reconcile. He most likely was calling to curse him out. “Yes, Mr. Hammond, what can I do for you?” Brian said formally, hoping his voice sounded normal and pleasant.

“You can send me the papers for the ad campaign we talked about,” Chase said emotionlessly. “I want to go ahead with it.”

Brian sat up in his chair. That had got his attention. “You do?”

“I believe that’s what I just said. In spite of your rude and insensitive behavior I like your advertising acumen. Your ideas sounded like they would be very successful. I’m fed up with our previous ad agency and I want a change. Fax the papers to my office and I’ll sign them. I want to get started immediately.”

“Okay, I’ll have Cynthia send them out right away. Were there any changes that you wanted in what we talked about?”

“Nothing at the moment. I’ll let you know if I have any other ideas.”

“Fine.”

“Good day, Mr. Kinney.” The line went dead.

“Well that was fun,” Brian muttered as he set the phone back in its cradle. Staring at the empty room before him, Brian felt a little glimmer of hope. If they had the Hammond Foods account, that meant more revenue coming in. Maybe he could give himself a big, fat bonus. That would allow him to pay off a big chunk of the credit card debt.

Brian’s next thought surprised him. It must have taken a lot for Chase Hammond to make that call. His business sense had told him to hire the best, even if that meant dealing with the man who had rejected him as a brother, had told him he was deluded for wanting to be part of the Kinney family. Brian knew he never would have been able to make that call if the shoe had been on the other foot.

The next thought surprised him even more. If there was a possibility of Chase Hammond being his half brother, he suddenly wanted to know. His respect for Hammond was growing, he realized. Could he actually be looking forward to having a brother?

Turning in his chair, Brian picked up the phone and dialed a number he knew well, but rarely used. “Mother,” he said.

“Yes, Brian?”

“I’d like to drop by after work today.”

“Fine.”

“Um … see you around seven.”

“Fine.” The line went dead.

This seemed to be his day for people hanging up on him.



*****



Brian pulled the Corvette to a halt in his mother’s driveway. He had to wonder what the fuck he was doing there, but maybe this was worth a shot. With a heavy heart and a dread of his mother’s reaction he forced himself to get out of the car. Slowly he made his way to the side door and pushed it open.

“Mother?” he called.

“In the kitchen,” came Joan’s curt reply.

Brian shut the door and went up the three steps to the kitchen. Joan was seated at the kitchen table. She had a glass of sherry sitting in front of her. Brian took all this in. Nothing much had changed in the Kinney homestead, he noted.

“What do you want, Brian?” Joan asked wearily before she took a sip of the sherry.

“Can’t I visit?” Brian asked sarcastically.

“You never do.”

Brian heard the reproach in her voice but chose to ignore it. He sat down at the table across from her. “Aren’t you going to offer me some?” he asked.

“The bottle is almost empty.”

“I see.”

“And what is it you see?” Joan asked getting her back up.

“I see that it’s just like old times. When I want to talk to you, you’re three sheets to the wind.”

“I am not drunk,” Joan protested. “If you came here to insult me, you can leave.”

Brian drew in a breath. This was not helping him get the answers he wanted. “Do you know a woman named Marjorie Adams?” he asked.

“Marjorie Adams? Who’s that?”

“That’s what I’m asking you, mother.”

“No, I don’t know any such person,” Joan stated.

“It would have been from a long time ago … when I was a little boy, maybe even a baby.”

“I don’t know a Marjorie Adams,” Joan repeated.

“Would Jack have known her?”

“How am I supposed to know who Jack was acquainted with? And you were a baby a long time ago.”

“Thanks for reminding me.”

“Well, it’s the truth,” Joan averred. “Why are you asking about something from thirty years ago?”

Brian winced at the thirty year reference. “It doesn’t matter, if you don’t know who she is.”

“Well I don’t.”

“Thanks,” Brian said sarcastically. He stood, ready to leave.

“The next time you come, you might bring your mother a bottle of sherry. That would be a nice gesture from a son to his mother.”

“And I’m all about nice gestures,” Brian muttered as he refrained from slamming the side door behind him.