Blinded

Chapter 13

Saturday's are supposed to be fun. They're a day off work. They're a day for leisure, for getting together with friends, for parties. But sometimes Saturday's are for shit. And that's what this one was.

Brian dozed on the sofa for a while but he knew Justin was watching him even though the boy was pretending to do his homework at the dining room table. It was very disconcerting to Brian to know that he was being watched, and he was sure that he was. But he was totally unable to gauge how he was being watched. He didn't know if Justin did it furtively or boldly or in anger or curiosity. Fuck! He hated being blind.

He tried for a while to ignore Justin. He concentrated on the new idea he had for his book. He liked the idea of alternating points of view. He had most of Stryker's done already, but he needed to go back to the beginning and start with Jackson's story. He tried to picture what would have brought Jackson to Pittsburgh and how he would have been when he first arrived there. Then it occurred to him that Jackson must have a lot of the same feelings that Justin had. They both knew they were gay. They were looking for their first real encounter with a male partner. They were eager and fearful and hopeful, a mass of conflicting emotions. Brian smiled to himself. He was getting close to finding the right storyline for the young hustler.

Justin worked on his homework. He wanted to get it all done and then he wouldn't have to worry about it. Brian wouldn't be able to hold it over his head. But as hard as he tried to concentrate he kept finding his eyes wandering over to what little of the man on the sofa was visible to him. He wished Brian had his vision back. It would simplify everything. Brian could see Justin and decide if he wanted him around. He wouldn't feel that he had to depend on Justin for his very existence. He wouldn't feel obligated. Then Justin could know whether the man was really interested in him or not. All the signals told him that Brian was, but he couldn't be sure. Maybe Brian just thought of him as a stupid kid who for the moment was useful. Maybe Brian really didn't want to get to know anyone he fucked. Justin couldn't imagine how that must be. Surely you had to feel something for the person that you were that intimate with. Brian didn't even know their names.

"Justin, if you're finished watching me, would you get me that little recorder?" Brian asked sweetly.

"I'm not watching you," Justin stated hoping it sounded like the truth. He wasn't going to admit that he had been staring at the man for the last ten minutes. "I'm doing my homework."

"Of course," Brian said obsequiously. "But I'd like to use the recorder."

"Sure," Justin said getting up from the table to go retrieve the recorder. He thought he had put it in the drawer of the computer desk. "Here," he said having found it. He dropped it on Brian's chest.

"How very gracious of you! Thanks ever so…" Brian snarked in his little falsetto voice.

Justin gave him the finger and Brian chuckled. "What?" Justin demanded.

"Was it the finger or the tongue this time?"

"Finger," Justin said with his own chuckle. "How do you do that?"

"I just imagine what my reaction would be and assume that you would do the same."

Justin shook his head. "You're right far too often."

"What does that tell you?" Brian asked wondering what it did say about each of them.

"How the fuck should I know?"

"Language, little boy," Brian chided.

"I'm not a fucking little boy!"

"But you'd like to be a fucked little boy."

"So when are you going to take care of that?" Justin asked deciding he was sick of skirting the issue.

"Justin, let's not go there right now," Brian pleaded.

"You brought it up, asshole."

Brian groaned. He needed to keep his mouth shut. "Are you finished with your homework?" Brian asked.

"Not quite. What are you going to do?"

"I'm dictating some parts of my next book into the recorder. I'll get them transcribed later."

"I was going to read your other book," Justin said thoughtfully.

"Are you sure you're ready for steamy man on man sex?"

"I'll take my chances," Justin replied wondering if Brian's book might help prepare him for his first time.

"Get your homework done first."

"Yeah, sure," Justin said going back to the dining room table.

He sat down and watched Brian sit up and turn his back to him. He wondered if he would be able to hear what Brian was dictating. It would be interesting seeing how Brian the author worked.

Brian knew Justin was watching him, and probably listening too. He didn't really have anything to hide, but he wasn't sure he wanted Justin to hear the part of the story he was going to dictate. However, in the broad, open expanse of the loft there really wasn't anywhere to have privacy except the john, and he didn't want to write the story sitting on the toilet. That seemed like a bad omen of how his publisher might react to it. He was about as far away from Justin as he could get so he decided to start. He pressed the 'record' button and began.

Jackson Cooke came from a small town in Pennsylvania. He had just turned eighteen and he had vowed that he would leave Hawthorn Grove as soon as he achieved adulthood. His life there had been a misery at least for the last two years since it had become obvious to the kids at school that he was gay. He had been called a faggot for as long as he could remember. He wasn't sure what he did that made people think that, but he also knew that it was true.

The last two years in high school had been hell. He had been cussed at, called names, slammed into lockers and walls, had his belongings stolen and destroyed, and any number of other horrible things that you could think of doing to a human being. They had all been done to him. He had tried to be brave, ignore it all, not show any emotion, but nothing had stopped them.

The final insult, the one that brought him to the breaking point, had happened a couple of weeks before the end of his final year at high school. Somehow he had pissed off some of the jocks, pissed being the operative word. They had caught him in the washroom at school, five of them. They had held him captive while they made him watch them piss in one of the toilets. Then they had rammed his head into the foul smelling bowl and held him under the urine infested water until he had been forced to breathe some of it in. When they let him up he was coughing and sputtering, spitting out their own urine back at them. That had really pissed them off. They kicked him but good and when he ceased to struggle they pulled out their dicks and finished pissing all over him. They finally left him alone each giving one last kick for good measure.

He didn't know how long he lay on the cold floor before he could summon enough strength to get up. He ran from the school looking like a crazy man. People shouted at him and laughed at how pathetic he looked. His wet hair was matted to his head. He had urine stains all over his clothes. He could only imagine how he smelled. He vowed he'd never go back to that school. And he hadn't. He skipped the last two weeks of the year, refusing to write his exams, and finally running away when his parents told him to get a job or get out.

And that was how he ended up in Pittsburgh. He had a change of clothes in his backpack and fifteen dollars when he started hitchhiking away from Hawthorn Grove. He would never go back. He never wanted to see any of them again, including his less than sympathetic parents.

Brian switched off the recorder. He remembered his own dunking in the toilet in high school. That had been the inspiration for that scene. His had ended differently than Jackson's however.

"Brian," Justin said. "Did you make all of that up?"

"Aren't you supposed to be doing your homework, not eavesdropping on me?"

"If you don't want me to hear, then go into the bathroom."

"I thought about that," Brian admitted.

"So did you make that up?"

"Some of it."

"It … it sounds like some of the things they did to me."

"To you?"

"Yeah, they call me a fag and shove me against the lockers. Someone even set my locker on fire. Burned my sketches."

"Fuck! That sucks."

"Tell me about it. I only have to get through the next few months and then I never have to see any of them again."

"Ever had your head shoved in the toilet?" Brian asked.

"No, haven't had that pleasure. You?"

"Oh, yeah!"

"Really? What did you do?"

"I caught the ringleader of the jock posse a little while later. He was alone by his locker. I watched him standing there all cocky and self assured. He reached for something in the locker. I grabbed his arm, held it in position and slammed his fingers in his locker door. Ended his football season right there."

"You didn't?"

"I did." Brian shook his head at the memory.

"Did you get suspended?" Justin asked.

"For two weeks. My old man just about killed me for it."

"My father would shit a brick."

"He doesn't know you're gay?"

"God no! Sometimes I wonder if my mother might suspect, but my father is in total denial. That's why I can't really tell them about how I get treated at school."

"Sucks to be us sometimes," Brian said with a rueful laugh.

"Looks like you turned out all right," Justin observed. Better than all right was what he really thought.

"Does what happened with these jocks at school have something to do with why you were smoking pot?" Brian asked changing the subject.

"Sort of. My friend Daphne and I were just experimenting. Pot's awesome."

"Awesome," Brian agreed.

"You and I might never have met if I hadn't been using pot," Justin said thoughtfully.

"Oh, I don't know. I probably would have found you standing under a lamppost on Liberty Avenue."

"You think?" Justin asked with a chuckle. Could Brian possibly mean that they were destined to be together?

Brian knew he probably shouldn't have said that, but he hadn't been able to stop himself. Somehow he did know that Justin was part of his destiny. The kid had managed to worm his way into his life and turn everything upside down in a matter of days.

"Homework finished?" Brian asked.

"Not yet," Justin sighed.

"Then get back to work and stop watching me and listening to me," Brian admonished.

"You're just so fascinating."

Brian gave him the finger from across the room, and he heard Justin laugh out loud. Maybe things were getting back on a more even keel between them.

"If I do all my homework like a good little boy, will you take me to Babylon?" Justin begged.

"I'm blind for Christ's sake. I'm not going anywhere."

"It doesn't have to be tonight," Justin conceded although he wished it could be. He bet that Brian was about the hottest guy there and they could walk in arm and arm.

"When you turn twenty-one I'll take you," Brian said with a smirk.

"Twenty-one! Fuck you! How about when I'm eighteen?"

"Maybe."

Justin smiled. He'd work on Brian right after they fucked. "What if we rented a movie for tonight? I could make some popcorn."

"Sounds heavenly."

Justin shook his head. He better get this fucking homework done or he would be sitting at this table all evening.

Brian dictated some more of his story and Justin worked on math. They ordered in some lasagna and salad and garlic bread. When the dinner was cleared away Justin wanted to get the movie he had mentioned before. Brian griped that there would be nothing left to choose from at eight o'clock at night, but Justin said Brian would have to fuck him if he wouldn't let him get the movie. Finally Brian gave in even agreeing to go with the boy so that they could find a movie they both could tolerate. Coats on and movie card in hand they set out.

Brian held Justin's arm as they walked along the sidewalk. Justin told Brian of any obstacles coming up and chattered away about movies that he had seen before and liked. They crossed one street and Brian knew they were almost at the movie rental place.

"It should be up ahead on the right," Brian said.

Justin stepped away from Brian a bit to look for the sign. He said he could see it about seven or eight stores ahead. As Justin stepped towards Brian someone came running down the street at breakneck speed. Justin saw him coming and stepped out of the way tugging Brian to follow him.

What happened next neither of them could remember exactly. The running man careened into Brian's back and knocked the man towards the street. Brian's grip on Justin's arm slipped and he felt himself beginning to fall.

He heard Justin call his name and then he hit the pavement hard enough to knock the air out of him. He heard a horn and screeching brakes and a strangled scream from somewhere. He wondered if his life was about to come to an end.