Blinded

Chapter 15

Justin whisked away making scrambled eggs for himself and Brian. He wanted to surprise the man when he got out of the shower. He had cleaned himself up wishing he could go in and shower with Brian, but he knew that would be pushing things too far too soon. He had the coffee brewing and the bread ready to be dropped into the toaster. He wanted to impress Brian with this meal and thank him for his first lesson in gay sex.

He knew he was smiling like an idiot, but that was the first time he had ever got off with another man and without the use of his right hand. Who knew you could cum just from kissing … and a little strategic rubbing? He had so fucking much to learn. His smile grew bigger the more he thought about what had just happened. He was kind of glad at that moment that Brian wouldn't be able to see what a dopey kid he was.

He heard the shower shut off and knew Brian would be out in a minute or two. He dropped the bread into the toaster and poured a cup of coffee for Brian. He heard the man rustling around in the closet.

"Do you need some help?" he called out.

"No, I remember where the sweats were from yesterday," Brian stated. "Something smells good."

"Breakfast's almost ready. I poured you a coffee and the toast's about to pop. Eggs will be ready in a minute."

"Very efficient, dear," Brian said with a chuckle as he sat down at the dining room table. He carefully felt around until he found the coffee mug. He sipped and found it perfect, just the right amount of sugar. "Not bad," he commented with a satisfied sigh.

Justin smiled. "Thanks. Here's your eggs … in the middle of the plate. Toast at ten o'clock."

"Did you butter it?"

"No, but I will in a moment," Justin said retrieving his own meal from the bar.

"I like it dry."

"Yuck!" Justin reacted.

"Have to watch my girlish figure."

"Or nobody else will?" Justin giggled.

"Exactly. The gay world is very unforgiving."

"Mmm," Justin replied his mouth full of eggs. He watched Brian as he chewed. He wanted to leap across the table, sweep the dishes aside and make the man take him on the cold table top. He grinned lasciviously. He had made good progress towards his goal this morning, but he wasn't done yet.

Suddenly he thought of his mother and father. That was enough to make his dick go soft. He had to call them and report in. And he was supposed to go home tonight, not stay here with Brian. Shit! He didn't want to go home. His parents might be able to see in his face that something was different. Because something was different. Everything was different. He had experienced so much since he met Brian. And he wanted more. He wanted it all.

"I need to call my parents," Justin said after a bit. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight instead of going home?"

Brian thought about that question. He had promised that Justin would be home tonight so that he could go to school Monday morning as he normally would. But! He really didn't like the idea of being alone in the loft. What if that guy tried to get in again? "Do you think your parents would let you stay tonight?" he asked.

"I'll call them after breakfast and see," Justin said finishing up his eggs. Brian was just getting started on his. Justin cleared off his side of the table and watched Brian continue to pick at his eggs. "Don't you like the eggs?"

"They're good. I just don't eat very much and it takes time to find the food and get it into my mouth. Besides, what else do I have to do with my time?"

Justin bit his lip. He wanted to tell the big lug to get on with his lessons in Gay Sex 101, but he was pretty sure that if he pushed that issue Brian might refuse to teach him anything more. "I'll call them now and see what I can do about staying tonight. You want me to stay, right?" He needed to hear Brian say it.

"Yeah," Brian admitted. It would be a lot better than being alone, and he could give Justin a lesson in the fine art of the blowjob, not that the kid seemed to need a whole lot of instruction. He was pretty much a natural. Jesus, he needed to stop thinking like that. It was set in concrete that he wouldn't fuck Justin until he had his eyesight back, and he meant that. Why did he keep hearing the sound of cracking concrete every time he thought about the kid? He was so fucked.

Brian listened to Justin's soft voice talking to his parents. There didn't seem to be any loud altercations or contentious moments. Could it be that easy, that Justin merely had to ask? He heard the voices stop and knew Justin was standing next to him.

"So what's the verdict?"

"Thank God I was talking to mom. Dad's at the club getting in one last golf game before they close for the season. She says if I come home for an hour or two and pick up some clean clothes and my uniform for tomorrow, she'll let me stay with you. She'll cover it with Dad too."

"You wear a uniform to school?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Just picturing it," Brian replied. And he was. He would really like to see it too. "Your mother seems to be very … um … understanding," he said trying to get his mind back to where it should be.

"She wouldn't be if she knew … everything. I told her I had all my homework done already and she was very impressed with that. I usually do it at midnight on Sunday."

"Punctuality is a virtue," Brian said with a smirk.

"Should I go now or is there something else you want me to do first?" Justin asked.

"I want you to get naked and crawl into my bed," Brian thought. He shook his head to clear that image, and suddenly he could have sworn he saw the silhouette of the young man standing in front of him. It wasn't clear just a lighter area in front of the total blackness that he had become used to. He shook his head again and peered towards where he thought Justin was standing. Nothing!

"Is something wrong?" Justin asked watching Brian's attempts to clear his head.

"No, no," Brian said. "I just thought for a split second … but I guess it was just my imagination."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing. Forget it. You go now while your father's not home. I'll be fine. And Justin, lock the fucking door."

Justin gathered up his dirty clothes and some other items and headed out. He carefully locked the door behind him. He hoped Brian would be all right while he was gone. Justin wondered what the man would do on Monday when he was at school all day. He seemed so unsure of himself when he was alone. Justin could only try to imagine what it must be like to be alone in total darkness with no hope of getting out of it. At least Brian had the possibility that down the road his sight would come back. Justin climbed into the Jeep. Brian had said he could use it so that he wouldn't be away too long. Justin thought that he could easily get used to tooling around town in the black Jeep. He wondered if Brian might let him take it to school tomorrow.

After the door banged shut and Brian heard the lock turn, he sat on the sofa staring at the windows. He had been sure that he had seen a lighter shape against the darkness. He had thought that shape was Justin. He rubbed his eyes and then slowly opened them to see if the same thing would happen again. Nothing! The darkness was total. Fuck! He had seen something; he knew he had. Maybe this was the beginning of his vision coming back. He certainly hoped so.

After several more futile eye-rubbing tries Brian decided to give up before he did some damage. If his sight was starting to come back it would take its own sweet time apparently. There was no forcing it.

Brian wondered how long Justin had been gone. Being alone made time seem to stretch on forever. He hated that feeling. He knew he needed to do something to take his mind off waiting for Justin to return. He made his way to the desk and fished around in the drawer until he found his recorder. He carried it over to the sofa and sat down. He leaned against the arm and thought about what he wanted to write.

Writing had been his escape almost all his life. No one knew that back then, not his parents or Claire or Michael. He used it to escape the world he hated. He hated his father's drinking and temper. He hated his mother's stoic silences and her religious fervor. He hated the fucking church where he was made to be an altar boy, until he rebelled at twelve and refused to go anymore. He thought maybe that was the only time his father had ever been proud of him. He had stood up to his mother, to the church, and to his fucking father who had told him to obey his mother. When he had refused to do any of that he had received the strapping of his life. He was sore for days afterward, but he was sure his father looked at him with new eyes. Brian wasn't afraid anymore. His father still let him have it every once in a while, but they both knew that Brian was getting stronger every day and his old man wouldn't be bigger than him much longer. All of this was documented in his journals. And that was the beginning of his writing.

Brian switched on the recorder and began.

Jackson' first day in Pittsburgh was spent roaming the streets. He tried to not spend any of his meager dollars, but finally as darkness began to fall he was so hungry that he bought a huge Subway sandwich and went to eat it in the park. He found a bench and sat in the shade trying to stay cool in the dying light of the summer sun.

Unwittingly or perhaps because of who he was he had found a park often frequented by gays. He saw men kissing each other openly and without fear. He could scarcely believe his eyes. There were some women too, with little kids, but obviously the women were together as couples. Jackson marveled at these new sights unlike anything he had ever seen before.

When he finished his sandwich he just sat on the bench taking it all in. After a bit a slightly older guy probably in his late twenties sat down beside Jackson.

"Like what you see?" the man asked him.

"Huh?" Jackson replied.

"I could show you some things that will blow your mind."

"Like what?" Jackson asked warily. He had never seen anything like this. He wondered what else there was to see.

"Come with me," the man said standing up.

"I … I don't know," Jackson replied. Could he trust this stranger?

"I'm going to a party. Come with me."

"A party?" Jackson asked.

"A gay party. You'll like it. Trust me."

Jackson hesitated for a moment but his need to know and experience outweighed his natural fear and common sense. He stood and hiked his backpack onto his shoulder. They set off through the park.

"Won't they care that I'm crashing their party?" Jackson asked.

"They'll love you. You're with me," the man said with a sideways glance.

Jackson felt a little strange about going with someone he didn't know, but he could use a good time for once in his life. He had no idea what he was getting into. The stranger finally told him that his name was Kyle and that Jackson should feel free to help himself to whatever was going on at the party. Jackson smiled and felt like maybe things were looking up. He could eat some food and maybe meet some people who could help him get established in Pittsburgh.

Kyle took him to a house in the suburbs. It was quite large and impressive to Jackson with his small town upbringing. No one met them at the door. They just walked in. What confronted Kyle was beyond his wildest expectations. There were men in various states of undress lying around the living room. Many were kissing, some were involved in blowjobs, but others were having anal intercourse.

Jackson felt his breath catch in his throat. These were all the things he had dreamt of doing, all the things he had read about from whatever sources he could find, all the things that had been denied to him all his life.

"So what do you think?" Kyle asked slyly watching Jackson's reaction to what lay in front of him.

"It … it's amazing," he managed to get out of his mouth.

"Let's get a drink," Kyle said. "Then you can look around some more."

"There's more?" Jackson asked as he followed Kyle to the bar set up in one corner of the room.

"Much more," Kyle said confidently. "I'll have a vodka/tonic, and make a "special" for my friend here," he said to the bartender. Jackson didn't see the wink that passed between the two. His eyes were glued to two men sixty-nining right in front of him.

"Thanks," Jackson said as Kyle tapped him on the arm and handed him a drink. He drank greedily. It tasted sweet and he could tell there was alcohol in it. "That was good. Can I have another one?" he asked as he drained the glass.

"Take it easy, sport," Kyle told him. "There's plenty more for later."

"Sure," Jackson said fairly bouncing with excitement. Whatever was in the drink was making everything seem easy and relaxed. "I want to see more."

"We can arrange that," Kyle said smugly. "Follow me."

Kyle led Jackson to some stairs leading down to what looked like a rec room. They made their way downstairs where more men were having sex. This time though there were threesomes and people strapped to the wall and a whip. Jackson recoiled a bit and started to say that maybe this wasn't the scene for him. He felt his head start to swim and he couldn't get his voice to work. He felt Kyle put an arm around him and hold him upright. He heard Kyle saying something like, "Fresh meat. Candidate for the sling. Our host gets the first go."

Brian stopped dictating. He thought he had heard something. He sat silently and listened. Someone was at the loft door. He could hear them trying to pry it back.

"Who … who's there?" he called out.

"Brian," a voice replied. "Let me in."

"Who is it?" Brian repeated. He thought the voice might be that of his scorned trick but he couldn't be sure.

"You know who I am even if you can't remember my fucking name. I've been told that the almighty Brian Kinney never remembers the names of his tricks. Well, this is one trick you will never forget."

"Go away!" Brian called out recoiling in fear. "Leave me alone."

"Not till I'm through with you. I've given you so many chances and you shit on every one of them. Now we'll do things my way."

"What … what do you mean?"

"Open the fucking door and I'll show you."

"Go away," Brian repeated. "I'm going to call the cops."

"Go ahead. Do that. They can't protect you every minute of every day. I'll be back. Count on it!"

And then all was silence. Brian lay curled into a ball on the sofa. He couldn't make himself stop shaking.