Blinded

Finale

"You!" Brian exclaimed.

The detective at the loft door glared at Brian realizing that the man could see. He hesitated for only a second and then he was gone, racing down the stairs as fast as he could.

"Ken," Carver called. "Ken, what's going on?"

"That's him," Brian stated. "That's the guy that tried to push me off the roof. Oh fuck! And now I know why. I saw him in the hustler bar where Jason Kemp was last seen alive."

"Jason Kemp?" Carver asked. "What are you talking about? Can you see?"

"I got my eyesight back this afternoon, and your partner is the one who tried to kill me. Jason Kemp aka 'Dumpster Boy' is who I'm writing a book about. My research led me to believe a cop may have been the one who killed Jason, and that cop is your fucking partner."

"It can't be," Carver said totally in denial.

"I'm telling you, it's him. His voice is the voice of the man who broke in here yesterday. His face is one I've seen before and now I understand why he wants to kill me. I've made the connection between him and the murder. I just didn't have all the facts."

"Are you sure?" Carver asked looking bewildered.

"He fucking ran when I accused him! You've got to arrest him," Brian shouted.

"Okay, okay, I'll go after him," Carver said. "Calm down, and lock the fucking door behind me." Carver headed down the stairs.

Justin ran to the door and pulled it closed. He locked it and went back to Brian wrapping his arms around the man's waist. They were both shaking.

"So much for pretending I'm blind," Brian said trying to lighten the mood.

"You're sure it was him?" Justin asked.

"Of course, I'm fucking sure! Do you think I would have accused him if I wasn't? I was so fucking shocked when I heard that voice raised in anger, and then when I turned around and looked into his eyes…"

"Scary eyes," Justin said holding Brian a little tighter.

"Do you think Carver will go after him? He's his partner for Christ sake!" Brian asked.

"Carver seemed surprised but I don't think he'd let a murderer go."

"What … oh shit! … What if Carver is his accomplice?"

"I don't think so, Brian. He seemed really shocked when you accused his partner."

"He could have been pretending," Brian averred.

"I don't think so. He seemed genuinely surprised."

"You should go home, Justin. Right now! Let's get your stuff together. Take the Jeep and go," Brian rambled letting go of Justin and starting to pick up anything of Justin's that he could find.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Justin asked after a minute of watching the frenetic energy Brian exuded. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You have to go home … where it's safe. Get away from here. Get away from me … in case he comes back."

"Brian, you're being paranoid. He won't come back. I'm sure he's running as far and as fast as he can go."

"You don't know that. He's tried to kill me three times. He may try again."

"But why? You identified him. His partner knows he's involved in murder. He's going to run, Brian, not come after you again."

"I'd feel better if you were with your parents, if I knew you were safe," Brian said running his fingers along Justin's cheek. He wanted to be sure the boy didn't come to any harm.

"I am safe when I'm with you," Justin said leaning against Brian and raising his head for a kiss.

Brian leaned in and caressed the sweet lips with his own. This beautiful, trusting boy felt safe with him, wanted to be with him, said he loved him. He wanted to say all those things back, but he knew he never could; he wanted to feel all those things back, but he knew he never could. He would end up hurting this kid one way or another. Maybe it was better to end it now.

Brian pushed Justin away. "You," he said sharply, "are going home now. And that's the end of it."

"No, I'm not," Justin stated emphatically. "I'm staying here."

"Don't you get it? I don't need you anymore. I can see. Your job is done."

"Oh, I get it all right," Justin said realizing that Brian was trying to get rid of him, but for his own good.

"Then pack up and leave," Brian said misunderstanding Justin's comment.

"I think you'd be making a big mistake letting me leave," Justin said.

"A mistake? And why is that?"

"Because you want me as much as I want you," Justin said with a little smile.

Brian remembered the beaming smiles he had already received from Justin and his resolve slipped a little. "So what if I did, and I mean that in the past tense. I've had you now and it's time for you to leave … permanently." That last word would hardly be forced from Brian's mouth but he managed to get it out somehow. He had been staring at the floor as he spoke, but he looked up as he spat the last word at Justin. The look on Justin's face almost broke his heart of steel.

Justin felt his world crumbling around him. Brian didn't want him anymore. He had been just another trick. Now it was his turn to be discarded. He didn't know if he could stand it. His knees felt weak and his heart thumped erratically. Everything was wrong, so wrong. Tears built behind his eyes and he turned away from Brian. He couldn't stand to look at him a second longer.

Brian knew he had hurt Justin deeply, but he had to make the break before it was too late and it killed both of them. He still had most of his walls intact, and if he could get rid of Justin right now he might be able to resurrect the rest of them. He just wished he knew why this hurt so bad. His heart felt like it was in a vise, and everything was kind of blurry. He wiped at his eyes thinking for a second that he might be losing his vision again. He pulled his fingers away and looked down at them wet with tears. He was fucking crying.

Justin took a step towards the bedroom. He'd get his belongings and get the fuck out of there. If Brian didn't want him, he wouldn't debase himself by begging. He had almost reached the steps to the bedroom when he turned for one more look at the man he thought he loved. He saw Brian wiping tears from his eyes, and then he knew that Brian loved him back, loved him at least a little, loved him enough to shed a tear.

He covered the space between them in a fraction of a second. His arms went around Brian's neck and he kissed away the remaining tears. His mouth seared onto Brian's in a deep and insistent kiss. Brian wanted to push the boy away, wanted to refuse the kiss, wanted to take back his former life, but something wouldn't let him and he found himself kissing Justin as hard as Justin was kissing him.

When they broke apart Justin had tears in his eyes too. "I knew you wanted me. I do love you, Brian, and I'm not going to leave you. We have so much to talk about and to settle. I love you so much."

Brian held onto the slender body not knowing what to say. He had tried to drive the boy away. It should have worked. But somewhere deep inside he knew he didn't want Justin to go. He wanted him here with him, but how could that ever be?

"Justin…" Brian began.

"I know we have a lot to work out, but don't push me away. I need you," Justin pleaded.

"Fuck!" Brian said as harshly as he could. Then he added a strangled, "I need you too."

"Make love to me, Brian. Please," Justin asked.

Their bodies came together and their lips and their hearts and their souls. Brian made love to his young charge softly and gently and urgently. They both needed it like that. They both had to reaffirm that they meant something to each other, no matter what had been said or what would be said.

When they were finished Justin rolled onto his side and stared into Brian's face. He wished he could make the man see how much he meant to him. He wished he was older and more experienced. Then Brian wouldn't doubt him when he said, "I love you." Why did people have to think that because you were young you couldn't possibly know what you wanted? But Justin knew. And it was lying right next to him in this bed.

Justin reached over and brushed a sweaty lock of hair off Brian's forehead. Brian was about to push Justin's hand away, but something stopped him. He didn't want to hurt the boy anymore than he already had, or as he knew he would in the future. He wanted just to be in this moment … in this moment with Justin.

They lay silently staring into each others' eyes, breathing and thinking. Brian wondered how he could end this, whatever it was, without destroying Justin. Justin wondered how he could make Brian realize that this, whatever it was, was important and lasting.

"Justin…" Brian tried again. He watched tears form in the boy's eyes. Justin knew what was coming.

"I know you think you're doing the right thing sending me away, but I know you don't really want to do it. Is it because you think I'm too young? Because I'm not. I'm a man even more so than when I came here today. I know my own mind. I know what I want to do. I'm going to tell my parents that I'm gay, and I'm going to follow that by applying to PIFA. If I get accepted, I'm going. I might have to take you up on your offer about helping me with tuition, but I'm going. I want my dream of being an artist, and I want you to be part of it."

Brian stared at the determined young man lying next to him. "I said I would help you and I will, but we can't be together, Justin. We can't."

"I'm not saying we have to live together," Justin said. "I'll live at home if they let me. If they kick me out I could live in the dorms or maybe with my friend Daphne, but it doesn't matter. The only thing I need to know is that you'll let me come and visit with you, and talk to you, and you can teach me, and maybe we can play 'Can You Top That'. What do you say?"

Brian studied the hopeful and oh so beautiful face full of love and trust. "How can I say no to that face?" Brian groaned.

"I was banking that you couldn't," Justin replied with a grin.

"Come here," Brian groaned. Justin rolled towards him and he captured the boy in his embrace never wanting to let him go.

The phone rang from somewhere out in the loft. "Want me to get that?" Justin asked.

"I'll go," Brian said. "Now that I can see, I'll be able to find the fucking thing."

Brian got up from the bed and went down the steps seeing the phone sitting on the computer desk. He had to marvel how easy it was to find and pick up the phone. What he wouldn't have given last night to have been able to do that.

"Yeah," Brian said pushing the talk button.

Justin could hear only one side of the conversation but he could tell that Brian was excited. He waited hoping it was good news. He thought it was about time for Brian's ordeal to be over. He had suffered enough.

Finally Justin heard Brian say goodbye and then the naked man was standing above him beside the bed. There was a huge grin on his face.

"It's over," Brian stated.

"Over?" Justin asked sitting up. "What do you mean? Was that Carver?"

"Yeah. They caught him. Carver sent out an APB as soon as he left here. They checked Kenneth Rikert's home and got there just as he and his accomplice were backing out of the driveway."

"Is that his name, Kenneth Rikert? And who is his accomplice?"

"His accomplice is a clerk in the police records department. He and Rikert have been fucking on and off for a couple of years."

"Carver told you that?" Justin asked surprised.

"He was much more delicate. Apparently they're an item, as he chose to call it."

"An item," Justin said thoughtfully. "Is that what we are?"

"Fuck no!" Brian retorted. "Do you want to hear the rest of this?"

Justin really wanted to ask Brian what they were. If not an item, what could they be called? Instead he said, "Yeah." He leaned back against the pillows waiting for Brian to finish his story.

"Anyway, they gave up without a fight and were taken to the station. They confessed everything. Rikert killed Jason Kemp during a sexual encounter that got out of hand. He called his fuck buddy who came and helped him dispose of the body in that dumpster on Liberty Avenue."

"Why would the clerk help him? He would have been better to tell Rikert to take care of it himself," Justin said practically.

"I don't think Rikert is the type of person who you refuse," Brian said philosophically.

"I see what you mean."

"Apparently the clerk did most of the talking. Rikert has refused to say much of anything."

"Does this clerk have a name?"

"He does and Carver told me, but it didn't mean anything, even though I fucked the guy."

"You fucked him?" Justin said rather distastefully.

Brian ignored the comment. "I fucked him hoping to get access to some of the records about the Jason Kemp case. He promised he would help me in exchange for the fuck of his life."

"But he double crossed you?"

"Yeah. As soon as I told him I needed files about the Jason Kemp case, he backed out saying it could cost him his job. Now I know that he was scared that I might find the truth and his part in the murder. He must have tipped off Rikert about my investigation. I can't remember exactly what I told the guy about what I knew, but it must have alerted them. I wonder how long they were keeping an eye on me before they decided they had to take action."

"They could have been listening outside the loft when we thought it was Trent, or they could have broken in and checked your computer for what you had written."

"I don't even want to think about that!" Brian said shaking his head. "It's all over now, thank God!"

"Come back to bed. You'll freeze standing there naked," Justin said.

Brian slid in under the duvet and Justin snuggled against him. After a minute, Justin asked, "Am I a fuck buddy?"

Brian looked into the blue eyes and shook his head. "I don't know what you are, Justin," he said honestly. "But I think we're going to find out … eventually."

"I'd like that. I want to be something to you. I want to mean something to you."

"You already do," Brian admitted kissing him warmly.

"Brian…"

"Hmm."

"Who's number one on your speed dial?"

"What the fuck do you want to know that for?"

"I just do."

"Michael."

"Oh."

"Do you want to move up the speed dial list?" Brian asked with a smirk. Justin nodded and smiled. "Want to be number one?"

Justin nodded enthusiastically taking that as a sign of his important place in Brian's life. "I'd be happy just to be ahead of the Thai restaurant." That earned him a pinch from Brian. "What will Michael say if you make me number one?" Justin asked.

"Michael doesn't have to know."

Justin smiled broadly. "What will Michael say about all the things that have happened, and you didn't tell him any of it?"

"Maybe we should just keep this whole thing to ourselves. It will be our secret."

"Like your writing?" Justin asked.

"Just like that," Brian said running his hands along Justin's sides and pulling him closer.

Justin grinned. He liked being part of Brian's secrets especially when Michael didn't know anything about them. "Want to play 'Can You Top That'?"

"You bet," Brian grinned as he rolled on top of the boy and captured the full lips in what would be the first of many, many encounters that night. They had a lot to celebrate.