Blinded

Chapter 5

Brian spent most of the following day with Martin. He repeated all the lessons he had learned the previous day and Martin began showing him how to use his cane to get around. Martin took him down the hall and back until Brian could do it without help. Brian hated the fucking cane but he knew he was truly helpless without it. Much as he detested it he knew he needed it. Martin complimented Brian on being such a quick study, but he also wanted him to slow down and take his time learning the coping skills. Brian was determined to gain some self-sufficiency and get the fuck out of this place.

By the afternoon Brian was exhausted. Martin finally convinced him to lie down and have a nap. Brian made Martin promise to speak to the doctor about releasing him altogether. He wanted to go home and he had the beginnings of an idea about how he could accomplish that.

He lay back on the bed thinking about the young man who had come into his life so suddenly only a day ago. At first he had wanted Justin Taylor to go away and leave him alone. Now he couldn't wait for the boy to arrive as he had promised. He hoped Justin had made his curfew. He didn't want him to get into more trouble.

Brian wondered what it was about Justin. After knowing him for only a few hours he had given him the keys to the loft and the password to his bank card. Brian had never done anything like that before. Why had he done it with Justin? What was it about him that made Brian trust him and want him around? Maybe it was the innocence of the young man. Maybe it was the fact that he was gay and just on the verge of experiencing all that entailed. Maybe it was that he seemed intelligent and quick on the uptake. Maybe it was how sweet and obliging the young man had been. Maybe it was all of the above and something more. Brian closed his eyes thinking about Justin Taylor and wondering what he might look like.

"Brian," a voice said. "Brian."

Brian felt a hand on his arm and jumped. His eyes flew open to that disconcerting emptiness that he saw every time he opened them. "Huh? Who is it?"

"It's me, Justin."

"Oh, you came back."

"Of course I came back. Did you think I wouldn't?"

"Thought you might have made a duplicate key and be cleaning out the loft right now."

"Yeah, right! I had to go to school. No time for burglary," Justin said wryly.

Brian chuckled. God, he liked this kid. "That's just as well," Brian said. "You're in enough trouble for the moment."

"Tell me about it."

"Did you make your curfew?"

"Yeah, by the skin of my teeth. Thanks for giving me money for a cab. Oh, here's the change," Justin said fishing the rest of the money out of his pocket."

"Keep it," Brian said.

"But … it's a lot of money."

"You did me a big favor by getting my things yesterday. Consider it a tip."

Justin snorted and put the money back in his pocket. "Thanks," he said.

"I have a proposal I want to make to you," Brian said seriously.

"A proposal?" Justin asked wondering what Brian might ask him.

"I'm going to try to get out of here in the next few days," Brian explained.

"Are you ready for that?" Justin asked knowing how helpless Brian seemed.

"I don't like it here," Brian said emphatically. "Martin, my therapist, says I'm a quick study and I've asked him to check into getting me released. But…"

"But what?" Justin asked when Brian didn't finish that sentence.

"I don't have anyone at home to help me."

"I kind of figured from the look of the loft that you lived alone," Justin said. "It's an amazing space."

"Thanks," Brian said. "The problem is that I don't want anyone to know I'm blind."

"But … what about your family … and friends?"

"My family," Brian snorted. "They don't merit an answer to that question, and it's my friends that I don't want to know about this."

"I don't think I understand," Justin said with a frown.

"Suffice it to say that I'm hoping to have my sight back before they find out."

"But … if it could take weeks…"

"I know, but I've managed to keep them in the dark so far." Brian sucked in his lips thinking about the irony of that statement. He was the one who truly was in the dark.

"So what do you want me to do?"

"If they set me free, could you take me home and maybe stay with me for a day or two until I get used to the loft," Brian asked quietly. He hated to have to ask for things but his circumstances made asking a fact of life that he could not ignore, especially if he wanted to get out of here and away from Nurse Skank.

"I …" Justin said. He wanted to go with this man. The loft was great, and he wanted to be with Brian, but he was on probation and he doubted that his mother and father would allow it.

"If you don't want to do it, just fucking say so," Brian said harshly taking Justin's hesitation for refusal.

"It's … it's not that. I'd like to … to help you, but I'm on probation. I don't know if they would allow it, and I don't know about my parents."

"I see," Brian said feeling the futility of it all. He was doomed to stay here or else rely on the generosity of his friends who would love every minute of having Brian at their mercy. They would never let him live it down. He could see Ted and Emmett snooping through the loft, treating him like an invalid, making snide remarks behind his back. And Michael would baby him. And Deb would lecture him. He'd have to stay here in rehab until they kicked him out. There was no other answer.

"I … could talk to my parents and see if they would let me."

"You could?" Brian asked hopefully.

"Sure, I told you that I wanted to help you."

"Would it help if I talked to them?" Brian asked.

"You won't have any choice," Justin stated.

"What do you mean?"

"As soon as I mention this, if there's the slightest chance that they'll let me do it, they'll want to meet you."

"Should I tell them I'm gay?" Brian asked with a grin.

"Christ, no! That's the last thing you should tell them … unless you really don't want me there."

"I want you," Brian declared. Then he realized how that sounded. "I mean that I … want you to do this for me."

"Sure," Justin replied, but he had trouble wiping the smile off his face. At least Brian couldn't see it.

"Do your parents know that you're gay?"

"Christ, no!"

"I see," Brian said thoughtfully. If Justin's parents considered letting him come to the loft, he'd have to be very careful about how he presented himself. They couldn't know he was gay either or they'd never allow it. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

"And it's going to be a shaky bridge," Justin said gloomily.

"We'll see. Could you do something for me tonight?"

"What?"

"I want a little tape recorder that could be used for dictation," Brian explained.

"Oh, making notes for your secretary?"

"Something like that," Brian replied not wanting to explain any further.

"Do you want me to go get one now before the stores close?"

"If you could," Brian said quickly. "Here's my ATM card." He handed Justin the card. "Take out a couple hundred this time. Do you remember the password?"

Justin nodded and then said, "Yes," when he realized once again that Brian couldn't see him.

"Take a taxi each way," Brian instructed.

"Are you sure?" Justin asked stuffing the card in his pocket.

"I'm sure, and get me a couple of extra tapes for the recorder."

"Okay, I'll be back as soon as I can."

Brian felt the emptiness of the room as soon as Justin left. He could barely believe how much the kid had come to mean to him in two short days. He relied on the boy to do so much for him. He enjoyed talking to him. He felt so alone when Justin left. He really did need to get out of there.

Brian ate his dinner when it came. The orderly explained where everything was on the plate and it didn't taste too horrible. After he finished dinner, Brian sat in his chair wondering how to occupy his time. He went to the nightstand and fished out the little radio he had asked Justin to bring him from the loft. There was no point in trying to use the computer. He could have asked for his walkman or his IPOD but he decided he might like to hear the news and find out what was going on in the world. He played with the dials hearing it click on and start to hum. He twirled the other dial until he heard a station. Carefully he tuned it in and listened to some oldies that poured forth. Maybe they'd have news in a bit.

Brian closed his eyes and leaned his head against the back of his chair. Without sight he had so much time to think. Too much!

Brian sensed movement near him and opened his eyes. He wondered why he did that. It wasn't like he could see anything. "Is someone there?" he asked.

"It's Amanda, my sweet," was the response.

Brian groaned inwardly but decided to try to be nice and take the high road in their interactions. "How are you tonight?" he asked.

"Why just fine, darlin'," she replied. "Thank you for asking. And how are you?"

"I'm hoping to be sprung from here soon," Brian said making small talk.

"Not too soon, I hope," she said brushing against him.

"What are you doing?"

"Just looking after you, my pretty."

Brian groaned to himself. This wasn't going the way he hoped. He decided to be quiet.

"Listening to oldies? I love those tunes. Want to dance?" she asked suggestively.

Brian clicked off the radio which he still held in his hand. "I'm kind of tired," he said quickly.

"Your bed's turned back and ready for you. I could help you undress."

"Um … no thanks. I'm going to sit up for a while. I'm waiting for someone."

"That's too bad. I bet you're a good dancer," she said bumping her hip against his arm.

Brian drew away but he could tell by the air movement that Amanda was still moving around probably dancing to the non-existent music. She was some piece of work.

"Brian?" Justin's voice called.

"Oh," Amanda coughed. "I should be going. Other patients, you know."

"What the fuck was she doing?" Justin asked.

"Dancing, I think."

Justin chuckled. "Looked more like some kind of fit. She's wearing a thong. I could tell through her uniform."

"That's an image I didn't need."

"Believe me; she doesn't have the body for it."

"Can we stop talking about Nurse Skank? Did you get what I wanted?"

"Here's the recorder," Justin said. "I got the clerk to take it out of the package and load it up. We put in batteries and I bought an extra package in case you need them. The extra tapes are here too."

"Put the batteries and tapes in the nightstand," Brian requested. "Can you show me the buttons and how to use this?"

"Sure," Justin said moving close to Brian and helping him figure out which button did what. Justin sat on the arm of Brian's chair as they worked through the controls of the recorder. Brian's scent from his toiletries went straight to Justin's groin. The urge to run his hands through Brian's unruly hair was overwhelming. He cleared his throat. "I … I should be going so I make my curfew, but this button is the playback and I left you a message." He rewound the tape and set it to the beginning where he had recorded his words. "Don't play it till I'm gone."

"Why?"

"You'll see when you listen to it. I have to go now. Here's your card and the change from the two hundred."

Brian accepted them and stuffed the money in his pocket. He'd put the card in the nightstand later.

"Good night, Brian," Justin said from the doorway.

"Are you coming tomorrow?" Brian asked.

Justin smiled. "Of course." And he was gone.

Brian waited a minute wondering what Justin would have taped for him. Then he pushed the button and heard the familiar voice of the young man. It said: "Brian, I've really enjoyed getting to know you. I'm going to talk to my parents tonight about going home with you. I don't know how it will turn out but I'll do my best to convince them to let me do it. I think you're a great guy. You've been so nice to me. By the way, you look great!"

Brian knew he was grinning. He wondered how the kid could think he was great looking when he had black eyes, but maybe they were starting to fade. He knew he liked hearing Justin say that even though it was on tape. He was growing to like the kid more all the time. He decided to keep the tape and use one of the other ones to tape on. Then if he felt lonely he could listen to Justin's soft voice.

Working his way to the top of the bed, Brian fumbled in the nightstand drawer till he found what he was sure was one of the extra tapes. He pushed the button and opened the recorder. Carefully he removed the tape Justin had made and set it on the top of the nightstand. He popped a new one in and sat down on the side of the bed. He thought about what he wanted to say but nothing would come to him. Over and over he could hear Justin's voice in his mind. Brian wanted to get out of here and he wanted Justin to come with him, but most of all he wanted his sight back.

He let out a long breath and let his shoulders slump. He was so tired of learning everything over again, and memorizing where everything was placed so he could find it again, and depending on others for the basic necessities of life. He was just so tired.

He pulled his legs up on the bed and stretched out. Maybe he'd feel like recording something tomorrow. Now he was going to allow himself to wallow in self-pity for a bit. He had suffered enough and he had earned that right. He was going to indulge himself. He wished he had a joint to smoke. That would make him feel better.

He still held the recorder in his hand. He opened it and took out the new tape. He popped Justin's message back in and pressed the 'play' button. He heard Justin's voice and it was almost like the boy was there talking to him. When the message was over, Brian rewound it and played it again … and again … and again.

As the message cycled through for the third time, Brian felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. "Who's there?" he asked stopping the recorder. "Is someone there?"

There was no answer. Brian waited. He heard nothing and felt nothing more. Gradually he began to relax. He sat up and took off his clothes crawling back into bed. He wondered who might have been watching him. This was the second time he had felt like that. It must be that skanky nurse. Who else could it be?