BRIAN

I divide my life in two parts, before Justin and after Justin. So in a nutshell that means Justin changed my life significantly, not that I admitted he did for five long years.

See, until Justin, no one expected much, and I delivered in spades. Living in my childhood home made me understand that wanting love was painful. So when anyone wanted my love, I just remembered the lessons I learned in the home of Jack Kinney, love isn’t worth broken bones and disappointment. My life was easy that way, no one to disappoint.

My friendship with Michael was easy because I realized he never looked underneath my bravado to see how bad my life was. Michael hung on every word because he thought it would get him more. Did I know he wanted more, yes, but he was my best friend, anything else would have been impossible. Michael was too scared to risk it all for fear of finding out the truth, which is that I wasn’t pretending, I didn't want a relationship with him. I've always known that the person for me was the one I would run after, not the one following me. I know if Michael thought I would agree to give him what he wants then David and Ben wouldn’t have existed, because Michael would want to show me he was waiting. Was I jealous when David came along, somewhat, but more because Michael was becoming someone I couldn’t respect. I didn’t do all that work to have him become Dr David's bimbo. Now Ben was more about a disease that could kill Michael, otherwise I liked Ben. Ben was able to overlook Michael’s needy side and find something worth loving. Michael unfortunately seemed to think his idea of a relationship was the only right way. In the end we forgave each other, but our relationship will never recover from the words we used that night in his kitchen.

I heard what he told me, that I was unlovable. I went there, not to see Michael, but because Justin was there and where he was, I was. When I got there instead of falling to my knees and begging Justin to come home, I saw red. They were helping him leave me. I let the pain I felt flood every word that came out. Michael, instead of being a friend, yelled so Justin could hear that I'd never be what he needed. Michael was still making sure Justin knew I wouldn't change for HIM. My theory on Michael is that he is still waiting for me to change for him. Too bad, because if he paid better attention he would realize there was only one person that I would change for, Justin.

Now let's get to Emmett. Emmett and I had an antagonistic relationship because he could see the things I hid if he got closer. So I keep him bickering at me because he's optimistic enough to try to help when I didn’t want it. My feelings changed for Emmett when I feared his optimism would get him killed. He was willing to follow Teddy into hell and I needed Emmett to keep showing me there was good in the world, so I saved a man who has never figured out he was my friend. Emmett told you what you needed to hear not what you wanted. Strange as it sounds, Emmett could have been my first relationship if Michael hadn’t been around. We wouldn't have lasted because Emmett would have followed me to hell and no one would have stopped him. I saw it as saving Emmett.

Ted. What do you say about Ted? Reliable, steadfast, and to willing to believe he was lucky when people paid attention to him. I'll be honest, at first I didn’t like the guy, but over time he grew on me. Unlike Michael, Ted hung out with me when… let's forget that time. He hung out and reaped the benefits of my cast offs. Ted definitely could be smart for that one because he was getting laid by standing by me. I found out that Ted is the guy who can talk sense when he wants to, but seems to suffer from low self esteem. Instead of using the things that made him a desirable partner, he saw them as bad. He’s a kick ass accountant for god's sake, use it. I know I did. In the end he became the man I never believed it was possible for him to become. No real theory, just proud of Theodore.

Lindsay gave me Gus. Other than that, not a lot to say. Okay so she played in my fantasy world with me, but couldn’t leave the fantasy where it belonged. Instead of paying attention to Mel she leaned on me, even I question why. Lindsay wanted Mel for home and me for the parents to gush over. The part she kept forgetting was that Mel needed her to put Mel first. I believe it led to their problems, because she ran to me instead of Mel. If she had been smarter she would have slammed the door in Sam's face, not let Mel see a melodrama in the driveway. I think she was trying to figure out if she wanted to go with Sam, not telling him goodbye. He was offering her the dream she once had and Mel was offering real life. She could be Wendy with Sam but not Mel. Mel and Lindsay moving to Canada is their last ditch effort to fix a relationship so broken the pieces are scattered in the wind. At least they take care of the kids, which if I'm being truthful, is all I care about.

So we get to Justin, he's an enigma. He can be kind, gentle, funny, or in your face. He brings grey into a world I saw as black and white. When we parted that first morning, I was done, he wasn't. Did I like him chasing me, sort of, but in a way it was the same old, same old. Fuck a guy, they plan your life. The thing was he didn’t sit around like Michael waiting his turn, he checked out the scenery. That had me checking him out more. He went from annoying to interesting as we progressed. I found that he didn’t pretend to be interested in things because I was, he wanted to see what was out there. Justin made me want to care and that made me push him away as much as possible. He understood me and pushed back. When we took a break, because that was what that was, he was still there in his way and I was in mine. It's when my friendship with Michael started to wane. Michael seemed to take it as an insult that Justin walked away from what he'd alway wanted. Justin needed something more than I was willing to give and once again needed to experience life. I think that if Michael had just minded his own business, I would have let Justin keep his secret, because it was bound to fail eventually. I knew what we had was worth waiting for him to see. In a way, dancing in front of Michael was rubbing in his face what he did to me. See, Justin knew he was the one, just needed to hear it once in awhile, but I saw it as giving him my heart in his hands. I think the night of the bombing brought home where my priorities lie, because who did I look for, Justin. I realize he could have died and I never said something as simple as I love you to him. Out of all of them, he deserved to hear it and I was too chicken shit to say it to the one person who should have heard it from me. I love you could have solved problems that would never have existed with three simple words. Now I've said it, it gets easier to keep telling him.

I let him go to do what he needs for himself but here's the thing, I need him. So for the first time in our relationship I'm making a move.

“All passengers boarding the flight to New York, may now board.”

Guess I'm going to find out if the Big Apple is ready for the “Brian and Justin” show. Hope Justin isn't too surprised when all my shit arrives at his door.    

JUSTIN

The banging on my apartment door scared the hell out of me. I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I carefully opened the door to a guy with a clipboard.

“Justin Kinney?” He asks me.

“Sure.” I tell him, figuring this was Brian’s idea of a joke.

“I have ten boxes, where do you want them?” He tells me.

“Just put them in the corner.” I tell him.

“You're going to need more room than that.” He tells me.

“What?” I ask him.

“I'll start bringing them in and you can decide where they go.” He tells me walking down the steps.

I stand at the door as the first box comes in and decide Mr Kinney has some explaining to do. By the time he's finished I have to climb over boxes just to get around. I tear into the first box to see suits? I start tearing into the other boxes and stare stunned. Why is everything Brian owns in my apartment?

I started putting the stuff away so I could cook dinner because Brian left a note in the third box that he was on his way. We've talked about this, but Kinnetik wasn’t ready for this move. After two years of traveling back and forth I was ready to go home and hinted to Brian about it. I could work anywhere he couldn't, or so I thought. I guess I'll find out what's going on when he gets here.

TED

“I wonder if he's arrived yet?” Blake asks me.

“I'm sure Justin’s figured it out, when half the loft got to his place.” I tell him.

“I think Justin wanted to come home.” Blake tells me.

“Brian’s ready to make the move, so hopefully Justin will want to stay.” I tell him.

Brian has been working like a man possessed to make this move. He was ready to begin the life they promised each other. Emmett and I cheered him on. Michael wanted Justin to come back here so we could all be together. Brian wanted a chance to fulfill his dream of getting out of the Pitts. Michael seems to accept Brian moving but I can tell it scares him that Brian isn't where Michael can get to him. What's weird is Michael gave Brian permission to go, like Brian needed him to do that.

Lindsay seems excited that Brian moved to be with Justin. I'm still trying to figure out why. Mel has been rethinking the whole Canadian adventure. I told her it was a bad idea, but they kept convincing themselves it was the answer to their problems. Unsolved problems don't disappear, just hide and come out when you least expect it.

Me, I think Brian needs to do this because Justin is his whole world and to me it's time for their story to get its happily ever after. Staying here will just leave them both solving everyone's problems, because it's how they operate. Brian the ‘in your face truth guy’ and Justin, who tempers the truth until you see what Brian was telling you. They need to be less accessible, if they want to have time for each other. So I was behind Brian when he wanted to go. I'll miss him around the office but he's still there.

EMMETT

I wish Brian had gotten pictures of Justin when his stuff showed up at Justin’s door. Brian finally saw that life is where your partner is. Not that he didn’t want to be with Justin. Just that Justin needed to be where Brian couldn’t be yet. I hated that they never married each other, but really, a ring doesn’t prove anything. To me it shows their belief in each other, that no vow would have proved. They didn't need conventional beliefs to know what they had would last, not that I think marriage is wrong just that it's a paper we pay for to say we’re committed to someone. To me, committing is the faith you have in each other and what stronger way than to do that then keeping a relationship alive in two different states.  

I listen to Michael tell Brian he could go, like somehow without Michael’s approval Brian wouldn’t go. Michael was suddenly all for it and I really wondered why. Unfortunately for me, he wanted to share his knowledge.

“When they get married they’ll finally understand they need to grow up. Marriage will show them what I was trying to tell them all along. Brian and Justin will see they need to move back here if they want a real family life.” Michael tells me smiling.

“Honey, I really think Brian plans to make a go of New York for Kinnetik.” I tell him.

“He can hire people to oversee that. Justin also needs to see that Rage needs attention and sending things back and forth takes too long. Why he couldn’t just stay here and work on our comic is what I want to know.” He tells me.

“He wanted to explore painting.” I tell him.

“He could have done that on the side and stayed here so we could make Rage as big as Captain Astro.” He tells me.

“Michael, that’s your dream, not Justin’s.” I tell him.

“Please, because of Rage, he got to invent the relationship he wanted with Brian, I gave him that.” He tells me.

“He has the relationship he wants with Brian.” I tell him.

“Until they screw up again then I have to help them fix it.” He tells me.

At that point I knew that Michael would never see that he tended to screw up things between Brian and Justin, not fix them. I just patted Michael like a good puppy and went to get another cosmo. Michael honestly likes Justin but can’t see that he isn’t the reason Brian and Justin work. Brian moving will just show Michael that Brian is capable without Mikey holding his hand.

MEL

Lindsay was walking around on air when she found out that Brian was moving to New York. I worried that she would get upset that Brian once again showed Justin was who he wanted but she seems okay with it. I had to ask because our relationship was going well since that announcement.

“You think it’s a good thing?” I asked her.

“Of course, Justin won’t have to give up becoming successful if Brian helps him by moving.” She tells me.

“Lindsay, Justin’s been in New York for two years without Brian helping him.” I tell her.

“Mel, trust me, Brian was helping him pay for things, and he should, because Justin stuck by Brian when he needed him.” She tells me.

“Justin paid his own way, no help from Brian, and before you try to contradict me remember Ted does his finances and I deal with legal issues for him.” I tell her.

“I doubt they would tell us that Brian pays for things.” She tells me rolling her eyes.

“He didn’t Lindsay, Justin wanted to do this on his own. Be proud that he did, not act like he had to be helped to accomplish his goals.” I tell her.

“Like me, who never became the artist I thought I was.” She tells me.

“You stopped trying, I don’t get that. We can afford for you not to work and devote your time to art. Why not do that instead of living through Justin?” I ask her.

“I just can’t paint like he does.” She tells me.

“Paint like you do and keep going until you're happy with it. Justin could probably give you lessons in fighting to do what you love.” I tell her.

“I want my art to just come alive, not paint until something looks good. You don’t understand what it’s like to paint and know no one sees it as magnificent. Justin does it effortlessly.” She tells me.

“Justin does it because he wants to express himself. You seem to do it for people who don’t exist.” I tell her and hear Jenny starting to whimper.

“I’ll go be a mother, which I seem to be good at.” She says sharply.

“Lindsay, I didn’t mean you weren’t good just that…” I give up, she isn’t going to hear it anyway.

Why can’t she see that being an artist isn’t about becoming famous but expressing herself? I think it was hard on her to see Justin doing what she never could, breathing life in a painting. Lindsay’s paintings are good, just nothing earth shattering. I think it’s because she never had to struggle for things.

Brian actually told me first that he was going to move to be with Justin. I love Justin and Justin loves Brian so I was happy for them. Brian isn’t the antichrist, just a man who fell in love and grew up for the man he loved. I found I could respect him for that. Justin is Brian’s saving grace because he smooths out all of Brian’s edges. I will always wonder what would have happened if I had asked Justin to be Jenny’s father. I know that none of the shit with Michael would have happened, but then I would have wanted Justin to be a part of Jenny’s life. Michael isn’t a bad father in any way, unless it’s financial. God, I hate that I think that, because I know if I had choosen Justin he would have worked ten jobs to take care of his child and Michael doesn’t think like that.

I wanted to talk to Justin because I want one more child before I get too old to carry anymore. I want to do it the right way this time. I don’t even know how to bring this up to Lindsay. I think with my job being less stressful but paying better, I could take it easy this time and really enjoy being pregnant. The other question is would Brian let Justin do this with me?