Sins of the Father

Chapter 6

Justin could sense Brian's tension even in the shower. Brian wasn't as playful as usual. Showering with Brian even when they didn't have sex was always a playful and pleasurable experience. The boys got out and began to dry off. Brian automatically began his examination of Justin's skin. He wanted to make sure that all the sunscreen was working. Noting a few pink spots on Justin's shoulders, Brian got out some aloe and a healing salve for their nether regions.

"Mmm, thank you, that feels good," Justin remarked as he felt the cooling aloe take effect. Brian squeezed a dollop of the salve into Justin's palm and some into his own. Both men uttered a sigh of relief as they each applied their salve.

"Bri, do we have any plans today?" Justin asked hopefully. Apparently, Brian's dark mood wasn't lifting any time soon.

"Well, last night's games have put a temporary halt to the fuck part of our sleep fuck sleep plan. I could go for some more sleep but I think I really need some coffee."

"It looks like rain. We could order room service and stay here for a while. The balcony has an awning, we can sit out there if it isn't too sticky."

"That sounds like a plan. Why don't you call down to room service and I'll call for housekeeping. We wore out those sheets and we can use more towels. We've been here for four days and each day we get less and less towels. I wonder why that is?"

"Maybe that's a hint that they want us gone."

"Nah, you paid good money for this suite. And I for one am going to milk it for all it's worth." Brian smiled at Justin and it made Justin feel a whole lot better. Maybe this day could be salvaged after all.

Brian sat out on the balcony while housekeeping came in to attack the bed and bathroom.

Room service came up with a cart of edibles that was enough for five men. Brian smirked; Justin must be ravenous. There were fresh juices, fruits and plenty of coffee. Justin dug into the croissants, eggs and bacon and the melon. Brian was feeling so much better after their meal.

Brian was sipping his coffee and smoking a cigarette. He didn't smoke often but the anger and worry he was harboring required it. The Florida air was humid; the cloudy sky was keeping the air temperature down. Maybe it was time for Brian to explain himself to Justin.

"Justin, do you mind sitting out here with me? I need to talk," Brian called over his shoulder and into their room. Justin was sitting on the bed watching CNN. Justin did a double take.

"Talk? You, talk?"

"Yes, me, talk. I want to finish this cigarette so can you come out here?"

"Sure." Justin went out to join Brian. "Are you going to explain to me why there's a cloud over your head and not just in the sky?" Brian ignored Justin's remark but not the sentiment. He did have a dark cloud hovering and if he didn't get rid of it soon it might ruin their vacation or worse.

"Justin, I don't really know why I feel like this." Brian thought he could hide a little longer.

"That's bullshit; you know exactly what you're feeling and why," Justin said with no anger; he wanted to clear the air. "You're just afraid to say it out loud."

"I'm not afraid of shit," Brian protested.

"You're right, you're not afraid of shit. You're afraid of not being the one in control. You're afraid I might like all these trips to the top that I've been taking lately and that I'll insist on staying there. You're afraid to admit that sometimes being the bottom is not a bad thing and you might just like it. You're afraid of change and how it would affect your world. No, Brian, you aren't afraid of shit. You're afraid of me!"

Justin got up and went back inside. He had the balls to call Brian out on his shit. Justin wasn't a twink; he wasn't a naive little boy. He was the one man that could top Brian Kinney, the only man Brian would fuck more than once. They were supposed to be celebrating their fifth wedding anniversary. Would it be their last?

Brian remained outside a few minutes longer to finish his cigarette and to collect himself. Justin was right about him. Justin was always right about Brian. Brian Kinney knew lots of things about a lot of things and people, but it was Justin Taylor that knew Brian Kinney. Deciding to face the music, Brian snubbed out the end of his cigarette and went inside.

"You're right, Justin. From the time I left Joan and Jack's house, I was in control. If I succeeded, it was my doing. If I failed then it was my fault. I was in control, the top. No one could top me; no one could ever best me. No one except for you. And when you surpass me, when you no longer need me, when I can't satisfy you, will you leave me? What if I'm no longer Brian Kinney, will you stop loving me?"

Justin was shocked into silence, dumbfounded. Here he was frightened that he was growing older, no longer the twink to keep the great Brian Kinney amused. Afraid that Brian no longer wanted only him and it was the other way around all along. Brian was scared that Justin no longer wanted him. Afraid that if Justin wanted to be the top that he was, Brian wouldn't be able to cope. That if Brian further evolved, Justin would no longer find him attractive. Stupid, stupid, stupid, the pair of them. Fifteen years together and sometimes they knew next to nothing about each other.

"Brian, does it really matter that much to you that I always bottom because if it does, if that's the only way you'll feel secure, feel in control, then I'll never ask again to top. I love you. If I have to spend my whole sexual life as the bottom then I will. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you know there will never be anyone else in the world for me. I will always need you. You'll always satisfy me. No one could ever surpass you. I can only strive to be your equal. I could never surpass you; I'd never want to. You're my partner, my whole life. I'd be nothing without you, Brian. Nothing."

Brian remained silent, digesting what Justin proclaimed. He was an idiot sometimes. And Justin was really the grown up, willing to make the sacrifice to please Brian. They were supposed to be equal partners in all things. True, Justin needed Brian when he was a boy but the boy was now all grown. Brian was doing that man a disservice by asking Justin to remain the boy so that Brian wouldn't risk feeling any less than the man he was. And that was unfair to Justin. Justin was right again.

"I'm sorry," was all that Brian could utter. It wasn't enough, it wasn't what he wanted to say but it was all that would come out.

"Sorry is bullshit. Say what you mean, Brian." Justin, the man, was demanding that Brian, the man, take responsibility for himself and explain himself. It was no less than what Brian would expect from any other.

"You're my equal in all things and I should be able to treat you like an equal. You deserve that and so much more. Sometimes I still feel like I have to prove myself. Prove I'm the smartest businessman, prove I'm the best fuck."

"Brian, you are the smartest businessman. You prove it every day. Kinnetik continues to grow; every year each branch exceeds its projected profit margin. And I can't believe you think you aren't the sexiest man alive. I bet the sponsors of this year's Gay Days will send us a special invitation for next year. You alone have made this the most exciting Gay Days they've had in ages. Everyone's been talking about you. I've heard them. The guys think you're the hottest man here and believe it or not, the lesbians think you're the sweetest. They all want to be you, they all want you and they envy me because I'm the only one who gets to have you."

Justin paused to let some of that sink into his stubborn spouse's thick head.

"And I'm sorry too. I let my insecurities get the better of me. You've grown so much more beautiful as you've aged. I really mean that. Your exercise program has transformed your already fit body into something spectacular. I was beginning to feel left behind. I don't like lifting weights but I should take a page out of your book and at the very least do the treadmill. Not just for you but for Bree and Gus. They deserve parents who take care of themselves so we can be there for them as they grow. I know you're never very comfortable when I ask to top but sometimes I want to make love to you. You always give; you always make sure that I'm completely and utterly satisfied. I want to be able to do that for you. I want to be the one to make you completely blissed out, to be the one who takes care of you after. To be the one who holds you as you fall asleep. You always take care of me. I need to do that for you sometimes. Somehow I've always felt selfish being the bottom all the time, making you do all the work. I want to share that with you."

Brian needed a minute to understand. According to Justin, top and bottom is not as simple as black and white.

"Brian, when you used to go out trolling for tricks, did you ever really analyze why you were so much more successful at it than most?"

"I never thought about it much. I was a good fuck with a big dick."

"That's true. But you weren't just a good fuck, you were a great fuck. Still are a great fuck."

"Yeah, so."

"You don't get it, do you?"

"Get what? I used to set my sight on some trick, reel him in, fuck the hell out of him and then look for another. That's how I was back then."

"And everyone knew it. All of Liberty knew it and they still wanted it. They all wanted to bottom for you because they knew you were the best. It didn't matter if the trick was a top or a bottom. Because Brian fucking Kinney would leave him satisfied. You weren't the one in control. They gave that to you because they knew you would make sure they were completely satisfied. Yeah, sure you were an asshole. It came with the territory. But for that one brief moment your trick was in control because you made it your policy, your duty to never leave anyone hanging."

"Wha...what?"

"Being in control is all relative, Bri. I give it to you freely because in so many ways you're so much better at it than me. Let me ask you something? Why did you let me have full rein when we were decorating the cottage? You decorated the loft, and it's perfect."

"I don't know; it just seemed right that you should do it. And you did a magnificent job."

"And when you gave up that control, did it make you feel any less of a man?"

"Of course not. There was no question that you couldn't handle it."

"And when I make love to you, when I penetrate you, do I do a good job? Do I satisfy you? Do I make you feel any less than a man?"

"YOU..., you completely satisfy me, no one has ever left me as sated as you. I've never allowed anyone to do to me what you've done. What we've done together."

"And that's because we've shared the control. You haven't lost anything. You've remained in control when you ALLOW me to top."

"But then..."

"No, whether you knew it or not we've always shared this. I love you so much. I haven't sacrificed anything that I didn't want to because being with you is all I ever wanted."

"Justin..." Brian rushed into his lover's arms to kiss Justin senseless. To give to Justin, to share with Justin all that he had. Clothes flew everywhere as Brian walked them to the bed. "I wish I wasn't so sore. I want to..."

"Shh, you are, you do please me." Justin knew exactly what Brian meant. He didn't need to hear the words.

"Then let me...last night, you made a request. More fun with dildos."

"You don't have to."

"I know but I want to. You want a demonstration, want to watch Brian Kinney go down on a trick."

Brian kissed a path down Justin's chest, to his soft flat belly, then followed the treasure trail to Justin's cock. Justin was so turned on that his dick pulsed with Brian's every breath. Brian reached for their toy that lay freshly scrubbed in the bedside table. He rubbed the fake cock over Justin's, letting the oozing precum flavor the tip. Brian alternated sucking on Justin to sucking the toy. Justin closed his eyes in ecstasy.

"Open your eyes, Justin."

"I, I can't."

"Yes, you can." Brian concentrated on the toy, as Justin fought to regain control of himself, allowing him to watch Brian go down on the toy. "Watch me, Justin. You're the trick; you're in control. Tell me what you want." Brian's voice was low and so breathy, Justin shook with desire.

"Suck him, take as much as you can down your throat." Brian obeyed and Justin's eyes grew wide and glazed with lust.

"You're phenomenal, my god! Lick it, lick me." Brian lapped at the fake cock then switched back to Justin, opening his throat to take all of Justin.

"Brian!" Justin shot streams and streams of hot thick cum down Brian's throat then passed out.

*****

"Welcome back, Sunshine," Brian whispered as Justin fluttered his eyelashes open.

"Hi, how long was I out?" Justin stretched languidly.

"Not long."

"Mmm, Brian that was so good. God, it only gets better and better."

"Yeah? You think so?"

"I know so." Justin snuggled closer to Brian trying to burrow into the older man's chest.

"Justin, about what we were talking about..."

"Shh, I love you. That's all I care about and you better love me."

"I do, my bossy bottom."

"And you better not forget it."

"I won't. Jus?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I be the bossy bottom sometimes?"

"Anytime, Brian, anytime."

"Justin?"

"Shh, we're still working on the plan," Justin whispered into Brian's chest.

"Ah, the plan," Brian whispered back with a smile as Justin fell asleep in his arms.

*****

"Hey, Bri, wakey, wakey," Justin teased as he feathered soft kisses onto Brian's nose.

Brian stretched, wriggling his toes, the burn at his ass a not so friendly reminder of the recent past indulgences.  "What time is it?"

"About four, we slept most of the day away."

"Is it still raining?"

"No, but it's still cloudy. I think we should go back to Downtown Disney."

"Not Disney again," Brian whined and then tried to bury himself into the pillow.

"Big baby, not Disney. Downtown Disney. Shopping. You like shopping. There's the Virgin Store and The House of Blues. And the Lego Store and I hear they have a whole store full of chocolate."

"Justin, I'm not that easy."

"Yes, you are. Besides I want to show you off and maybe get something new in leather. You know how good you look in leather." Justin waggled his eyebrows at Brian. Brian tried to keep a straight face but failed. He pounced on Justin as the two of them broke out in belly laughs. The clouds had been chased away.

Within the hour Brian found himself surrounded by what seemed like a thousand screaming kids, all trying to find their favorite Lego characters, and parents looking for their kids.

"Justin, why am I here?"

"Well, a long time ago your mommy and your daddy..." Brian cut off Justin with a well placed hand to his lips. "Brian, we're getting something for the kids. Patrick and Bree love Lego and so does Gus."

"Gus? Isn't he too big for this stuff?"

"No, he isn't. Didn't you ever play with Legos as a kid?" Brian scowled as an eyebrow went up. "Forget I said that, Brian Kinney never did Lego. Be that as it may, you're doing Lego now. Come on." With that Justin took Brian by the hand and led him around the Lego store. By the end of their spree they found the correct age appropriate Lego sets for all the kids, including JR.

"Justin..." Brian was developing a Mikey like whine.

"Can it, Kinney. The Virgin store is this way and so is the House of Blues." Brian had no choice but to follow the love of his life around the whole of Downtown Disney.

A few hours later and laden with what seemed like hundreds of bags, Brian plopped his ass down on a bench and refused to move like a stubborn mule.

"Justin, I don't give a shit that I'm gay and supposed to like shopping. I refuse to take one more step. We have gone into every store at least twice. I sneezed my brains out in that soap store and we almost had a disaster in that store with all the glass and I think I have a belly ache from the Ghirardelli Café. Justin, can we go back now?"

"Not yet. Here, I got us some water. Drink this and you'll feel better."

"Nothing is ever going to make my feet feel better. I think I have a blister."

"And I haven't heard this much whining since Mikey thought Brett was going to kill off Zephyr. Man up, Bri." Brian managed a convincing pout to soften Justin's heart. "Stay here, you big Smoosh. I'll be back in a minute." Brian gathered all their packages together, leaned back on the bench and rested his eyes. After a few minutes, Justin returned with Simon and Ken in tow.

"Hey, Bri, look who I found." Brian cracked open his eyes to see the three men smiling back at him. "Let's go." Brian attempted a death glare. "To dinner, I managed a reservation at Wolfgang Puck for all of us."

Justin reached out his hand for Brian to help him off the bench. Brian groaned as Justin rolled his eyes. Simon and Ken chuckled at the dramatics. They gathered their purchases and like a momma duck, Justin led the three men to dinner.