Friends and Lovers

Chapter 1

Brian glanced over at his partner in the seat beside him and sighed inwardly. This was the second time they were on a plane bound for Pittsburgh with nothing but silence stretching between them.

Of course, this time the reasons for that silence were far different. Before, Justin had been angry after finding out that Brian had tricked, albeit unknowingly, with the man who would become Justin's one real friend in L.A. This time, the silence wasn't the result of anger, but sadness.

"Justin," he said quietly, placing a hand on his partner's leg. "Let it go."

Justin turned sad eyes in his direction. "How am I supposed to let it go, Brian? A man is dead."

"Through no fault of yours, whether you believe that or not."

"Mrs. Tannenbaum didn't believe it," Justin said quietly.

Brian did sigh then. Before leaving, Justin had insisted on stopping by to pay his respects to his late co-worker's family. Richard hadn't been a close friend, but he'd been very patient with Justin and the younger man had liked him. To say the reception they'd received was cool would be putting it mildly. The grieving widow had glared at Justin with accusatory eyes. "Are you happy now?" she'd hissed.

"She was upset," Brian offered in way of an excuse. "You can't take anything she says right now personally."

"It was personal," Justin whispered, staring at his lap where his hands were busy mangling a cocktail napkin. "She blames me."

Brian wished, not for the first time, that they'd never gone to the house. It was still too soon; emotions were still too high. The anger he wanted to feel at the widow for what she'd said to his lover was tempered by the realization that she'd just lost the most important person in her life.

"She was wrong," Brian said quietly to the man who was quickly moving into that spot in his own. "Tell me you know that."

Justin looked up at him in silence for a moment before slowly nodding. "Yeah," he acquiesced. "I know."

Brian smiled a little and took his partner's hand, oblivious to the look they were receiving from a woman across the aisle. "Want something to drink?"

Justin shook his head and managed a small smile. "I'm okay."

Leaning over, Brian kissed him gently before moving his lips to whisper in his lover's ear. "Consider that a down payment."

A shiver of anticipation made its way up Justin's back at the words and his smile grew wider and more involved. "On what?"

Brian was glad for the smile that now graced his partner's lips, as well as the sparkle that had been missing from those blue eyes since their visit to the Tannenbaums'. "On some of the most amazing sex you've ever experienced."

Justin's heart began to beat a little faster just thinking about it. Every time with Brian was amazing. "I think some of those times would be pretty hard to top," he breathed.

"When it comes to topping, I'm the master," Brian murmured with a smirk.

Justin's quiet laugh caused the woman across from them to glare in their direction once again. Brian raised one eyebrow and held her gaze with a challenging one of his own.

"Behave," Justin warned, nudging him gently in the ribs with one elbow.

He allowed his partner's voice to dissipate the anger growing within him, but couldn't let it go completely. "What the fuck's her problem?" he muttered.

Justin turned his lover's face until they were eye to eye. "Whatever it is, it's hers, not ours," he said quietly.

Relenting for the sake of the man at his side, Brian kissed his lover's lips chastely before settling back in his seat. A few moments later, he could tell that Justin's mind was still on the promise he'd made and he smirked as the younger man fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Problem?" he asked innocently.

Justin tried to glare, but couldn't resist a sheepish smile. "Yeah. I think I'd better go take care of it." With that, he left his seat and headed for the bathroom at the back of the first class cabin.

Brian considered his options briefly. Stay and wait for his lover's return, or follow and see if he couldn't lend a hand. With a small chuckle, he decided he'd do what any good boyfriend would when his partner was in such obvious distress. As he got to his feet, he leaned slightly toward the disapproving woman who'd been watching them. "I'm just going to make sure he doesn't fall in."

Her eyes grew wide for a moment before snapping toward the front of the cabin so fast that Brian was almost sure he heard her neck crack. With a satisfied smirk, he casually followed the path his lover had taken.

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The four hour flight, the three hour time difference, the tedium of baggage claim and the usual hassle with traffic made them both appreciate finally arriving at the loft.

"You hungry?" Justin asked as he carried his suitcase to the bedroom. He glanced at the clock and saw it was nearly 8 p.m. "I could order something light."

"After the way Mrs. Turner stuffed you last night, I'm surprised you can even think of food," Brian responded as he followed him up the stairs with two smaller duffels.

Justin couldn't resist a smile. Upon hearing that he was leaving, his elderly neighbour had insisted they join her for a home-cooked meal. It had been a pleasant evening and Brian had enjoyed himself, even though he'd probably never admit it.

"As I recall," he murmured, slipping his arms around his lover's waist and reaching up for a quick kiss, "you did some stuffing of your own last night."

Brian's smirk was in place as his arms found their way around his partner. "As I recall, you weren't complaining."

"Never," Justin assured him, beginning to nuzzle along his jawline. "In fact," he murmured as his fingers found their way to the buttons on Brian's shirt, "I just may be in need of a repeat performance."

Brian put a hand on the back of his neck and tilted his head back to kiss him thoroughly. The heat climbed between them, their heart rates picking up speed as the kiss deepened.

The sound of the buzzer interrupted what was quickly turning into a heated make out session and they both groaned in frustration.

"Fuck," Justin breathed, his forehead pressed against Brian's as he struggled to regain his composure.

"Hold that thought," Brian said dryly, depositing another quick kiss on the younger man's swollen lips before heading for the intercom.

"Yeah?"

"It's me," Michael's voice replied.

Brian pressed the button to allow entrance to the building and then slid the heavy loft door open before heading to the fridge for a bottle of water.

"You're home," Michael said as he entered the loft.

"Observant, as always," Brian responded, holding up another bottle in question.

Michael took it, a small frown on his face. "Where have you been? I've been trying to call you."

Brian was moving past him toward the sofa. "Brett said he'd called you."

"Hey, Michael," Justin greeted his friend as he came down from the bedroom.

"Hi," Michael replied glumly before turning back to his best friend. "Brett did call."

"So then you know what's been going on," Brian surmised. "And you probably know where I've been."

"Yeah, but," Michael protested, barely glancing at Justin as the younger man took a seat on the sofa with Brian, "I didn't know you were going out there. I needed to talk to you."

"So, talk," Brian suggested, raising one eyebrow expectantly.

Michael glanced uneasily at Justin before focusing once again on his best friend. "Maybe later," he muttered.

The other two men exchanged a slightly puzzled, but knowing look. It was obvious from Michael's reaction that he didn't want to talk in front of Justin, but neither could understand it. The two men had grown closer while working on the comic and even more so since the incident in Los Angeles.

"Um," Justin said, getting to his feet. "I'm going for a shower." Directing his next words at Michael, he added, "It's been a long day so I might be a while. If you're gone when I get out, I'll see you soon."

He nodded almost imperceptibly in Brian's direction before going into the bathroom and closing the door.

Brian waited until he heard the shower running before speaking. "Ok, now that we have the privacy you so obviously wanted, what is it?"

He glanced in the direction of the closed bathroom door. "He doesn't seem all that broken up about the movie being cancelled, does he?"

One brown brow climbed slowly upward at the words. "That's what you needed to talk about so badly? Justin's reaction to the movie?"

Michael got to his feet and paced a few steps toward the window and back. "No," he admitted. "I just wanted… I mean …I needed…" He allowed his voice to trail off as he stopped moving and looked at Brian with something akin to despair. "The condom broke."

It took him a moment to digest the quietly spoken words. "What?" he finally said. "You mean, you and Ben?"

Michael nodded glumly, taking a seat on the sofa at Brian's side. "I don't know how it happened," he lamented. "We're always so careful, but it just … we didn't even know until…"

Brian found himself getting angry and got to his feet, striding purposefully toward the bar cart. "What? Until you felt his positive jizz running down your leg? Fuck, Mikey."

He winced at the harshness of the words. "I didn't' think … I mean, we always…"

A moment of silence stretched between them. Without turning to face his friend, Brian poured a drink and downed it. "Have you been tested?"

Michael nodded mutely, then realized Brian couldn't see the gesture. "Yeah," he said, his tone laced with emotion. "Right away. I'm on a preventive cocktail for accidental exposure and I need to be tested again in six weeks and then again at three months and six months." He paused for a moment. "I'm worried about Ben, though. He's devastated, Brian. He won't even touch me since it happened."

Brian sighed and turned to face the other man. "Let me get this straight; you might have been infected and it's Ben you're worried about?" He couldn't keep the slight edge from his voice. He liked Ben, but Michael had been his best friend for half his life. Even the thought of what might lie in store for him filled him with an anger and feeling of helplessness that he was finding hard to contain.

"I knew the risks," Michael replied firmly, "but I love him. It sucks that this happened, that we even have to worry about it at all, but I always figured we'd deal with whatever happens together. Now he seems so …" He let the words trail off, unable to come up with a phrase that would adequately express the way he felt about his husband's current state of mind. "I don't know what to do," he finally concluded sadly.

He sighed and rubbed a hand roughly over his face before crossing the distance between them and pulling Michael into a hug. He wanted nothing more than to be able to tell him there was nothing to worry about, but it would have been a lie and they both knew it. "Does Deb know?" he asked instead, his voice slightly roughened by the emotions churning within him.

Michael pulled back with something resembling a laugh though there was no humour in it. "Are you kidding me? After the way she acted when I first started going out with Ben?"

Brian couldn't resist releasing some of the frustration he was feeling. "She was right, though, wasn't she?"

"Fuck you, Brian," Michael spat. "I didn't come here to hear 'I told you so'. You're supposed to be my best friend."

"And, what?" Brian fired back. "You want me to tell you that everything's going to be all right? Your fucking life may be on the line here, don't you get that?"

"Of course I get it," Michael practically yelled. "I may never live to see my daughter get married and have kids of her own. Believe me, Brian, I get it, but there's shit I can do about it now."

They stared at each other silently for a moment. Both knew what the outcome could be, but Michael was right, nothing they could do now would change it. Their only recourse was to deal with it as best they could.

"So you'll do the tests and worry about the results when you get them," Brian finally said wearily.

Michael nodded slowly in agreement. "And what about Ben?"

Brian wanted to scream that he didn't give a fuck about Ben, that it was Michael who was facing the possibility that he'd been infected, but he knew how Michael's mind worked. He could be whiny when it came to trivial matters, but when the chips were down, he was stronger than most gave him credit for. He had no control over his own situation at the moment, so it was natural he'd focus his concern elsewhere and Brian didn't have the heart to deprive him of that form of escape. "I don't know," he admitted quietly.

Michael could only nod in acceptance, disappointed, but not really surprised that Brian didn't have any enlightening words of wisdom under the circumstances.

Seeing the sadness in the brown eyes, Brian kissed him on the forehead. "Why don't you go home and change. We'll meet at Woody's and have a few drinks, shoot some pool." He might not be able to help where Ben was concerned, but he knew a thing or two about pain management.

"Just the two of us?" Michael asked hopefully. "I don't feel like being around anyone else right now."

Brian considered that for a moment. "Sure, Mikey," he finally said, "just the two of us."

The resulting smile was a welcome one and Brian returned it effortlessly. "Give me about an hour, Ok?"

Michael nodded. "Ok. Uh, Brian? You won't tell … anyone, right?"

"You mean Justin," Brian replied, more statement than question.

Michael looked down at the floor for a moment before raising his eyes to meet those of his friend. "I just don't want anyone worrying about it until we know for sure."

He eyed the other man silently for a moment. "If that's what you want," he finally said, "I won't tell a soul."

"Thanks," Michael replied with a small nod. "See you in an hour." After dropping a quick kiss on the other man's lips, he left to go home and change into something appropriate for a night on the town.

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He heard the shower stop and the bathroom door open, but didn't turn from his place at the window. He'd spent the time since Michael had left gazing out at nothing and trying to come to terms with what he was feeling. It was, he decided, predominantly anger, anger at Ben for exposing Michael to HIV, at Michael for putting himself at risk, at himself for being angry with Michael at a time when a friend should be supportive.

Two warm arms twining around his waist pulled him from his thoughts.

"Now," Justin murmured against his back, "where were we?"

Brian turned, extracting himself from the embrace. "I have to go out."

The initial look of surprise on his lover's face quickly turned to a frown of concern. "Why? I thought we were staying in?"

He had to hold back a sigh as he replied. Justin was like a dog with a bone. He'd simply keep asking questions until he hit upon one that triggered what he perceived to be a telling response and then he'd beat it to death until Brian either caved and told him the truth or snapped and told him to fuck off.

"I changed my mind."

Justin eyed him intently for a moment. "Okay," he said slowly. "I'll get dressed."

"Don't bother." He realized how harsh the words sounded the moment they were out of his mouth and tried for a more gentle tone. "I just have something I need to do." He didn't want to tell him his best friend needed him; that would only send Justin into worry mode. He might inadvertently mention something to Deb and Michael would never forgive him.

"And you don't want me around."

He knew what Justin was thinking and wanted to be able to tell him it wasn't true, but the words wouldn't come. He refused to let them because he knew how easily they could be turned to lies. He was angry and worried for Michael and he couldn't take that out on Justin. He couldn't fuck him when all he wanted to do at the moment was make someone - anyone - pay for the emotions he was being forced to deal with. There were some instances where tricking was just a better outlet. Anonymous, faceless fucks that he didn't care about, that he didn't have to explain himself to later, didn't have to look at.

A self-deprecating smirk touched one corner of his mouth. "Don't wait up."