Part One

"That's impossible," Justin told the doctor. He was completely serious and completely shocked by what the doctor had just told him. It hadn't even fully sunk in, but there was one thought that continued to play through Justin's head as the doctor's words danced around in a jumble of nonsense. "My partner always uses a condom. I mean ALWAYS. We're never unsafe."

"Even condoms fail," The doctor shrugged. "I ordered the usual full STD panel when I ordered the blood work. You're clean. But you are pregnant."

Justin was in a bit of a daze as the doctor continued to talk. He recommended an obstetrician who specialized in male pregnancies—they were rare, but common enough in a city the size of Pittsburgh to require a handful with the specialty—and wrote a prescription to help with the morning sickness and for prenatal vitamins. He gave Justin a short lecture about drugs and alcohol and smoking. Luckily, he also gave Justin several pamphlets to take with him, since Justin really wasn't processing anything the man said to him.

Justin walked out of the doctor's office on shaking legs and immediately reached for the pack of cigarettes in his pants pocket. It wasn't until he had almost lit the thing that he realized that he couldn't smoke. He swore and put the cigarette away.

"What did he say, Sunshine?" Brian asked when Justin reached the jeep. Brian had dropped Justin off before running a few errands and coming back to pick the blond up again. Justin had been sick for a couple weeks and this was his second appointment with the doctor in less than a week.

"He said I'm pregnant," Justin said in a low whisper that didn't sound entirely sure that what he was saying could be right.

Brian was sure that he had heard incorrectly. He had to have. But he hadn't and he knew that he hadn't. So he said the first thing that popped into his head without even really considering what he was asking. "So who's the father?"

Justin turned wide and hurt eyes on Brian and the brunet knew he had fucked up immediately.

"Fuck you, Brian," Justin said.

The rest of the ride to the loft was spent in silence. Justin's hurt faded and was replaced by anger and he was glad for the change. Anger he could handle. It helped him cope with all the insane thoughts that were running through his head. It pushed the fear and anxiety and confusion to the side and took up all of Justin's focus and energy. By the time they reached the elevator to the loft, Justin was itching for a screaming match.

Brian, on the other hand, was cursing himself for his stupid outburst. He knew that Justin only bottomed for him. It was part of their agreement. They could both fuck whoever they wanted, but Justin's ass belonged to Brian. And on that rare occasion when Brian was willing, his ass belonged to Justin. His blond twink was a shitty liar, so Brian would have known if there had been anyone else. The real question was when and how had it happened. They were both always so careful. In the meantime, Brian had to find a way to apologize to Justin without actually apologizing.

The loft door slid closed behind the pair and the silence was heavy between them. Justin slumped onto the sofa and stared at the papers in his hands. "Shit."

"What?" Brian asked.

"I forgot about the prescriptions," Justin said as he wearily got back up. He'd have to walk to the pharmacy. There was no way he was getting back into the jeep with Brian.

"Can't they wait?" Brian asked. "You look tired."

Justin glared at Brian. "Sure they can wait. And I'll just use your Gucci loafers to catch the vomit when I spend my morning puking again."

Brian took the prescriptions from Justin's hand and stood up. "You stay. I'll go get them filled."

Justin flopped back on the sofa and Brian sighed as he headed out the door.

BJBJBJBJBJ

Justin lay on the sofa and stared at the ceiling. After Brian had left, he had read through the papers the doctor had given him. He now had a whole list of things he had to avoid. Giving up cigarettes and alcohol wouldn't be the toughest thing for him; it was giving up the coffee that would probably kill him.

Somewhere along the way, his ire over Brian's callous remark had dimmed somewhat and he was a little more receptive to his partner's feeble attempts to make it up to him when Brian returned with not only the prescriptions but a box of Justin's favorite chocolates and a bag of greasy kettle chips—neither of which Brian would ever normally buy for Justin.

Brian handed the treats over before heading to the kitchen and getting them drinks. "Um… I think there's herbal tea in here somewhere. Or juice."

"According to the pamphlets, I should be drinking more milk," Justin said. "But honestly, just water would be fine for now."

Brian brought back two bottles of water and sat down on the sofa beside Justin. "So?"

"So," Justin agreed with a smirk.

"Are you…?"

"Keeping it?" Justin supplied. "Yeah. I can't imagine…"

"Okay," Brian said.

"This doesn't have to change anything," Justin said.

Brian snorted in disbelief. "It's going to change everything."

Justin moved to protest but thought better of it. "Yeah, I guess it will."

"So, the question is, how are we going to handle those changes?" Brian asked.

Brian was comfortable with his life. He had everything he had ever wanted and a few things he hadn't known he wanted until he had them, like Justin and Gus. He had almost lost Justin over that Ethan fiasco a few years back, but he had come to his senses before Justin could actually walk away from him. Since then, Brian had slowly accepted Justin's place in his life and his heart and tried to keep things good for Justin so that he wouldn't consider leaving again. He had spent way too much time and money visiting California when Justin had been there for the failed movie deal just so that the blond would remember that he had a reason to come home. And when he had been diagnosed with cancer, Brian had gone against every instinct and had told Justin about it and let him help. Brian was not ready to give up Justin, but he wasn't sure he was prepared for the changes that would come either.

"I'm not even sure what those changes are," Justin said. "Right now, all I seem to be able to think about are the immediate concerns."

"No more drugs, booze or cigarettes for you," Brian said with a teasing smirk.

"No caffeine," Justin said with a groan.

Brian winced. Justin without caffeine in the mornings could be a scary thing. His normally perky and peppy blond turned into a growling bear without a cup of coffee first thing in the morning. And not the cute and cuddly type of bear. "Maybe if you cut back to one cup a day?"

Justin smirked at Brian, knowing that he was just as afraid of a decaffeinated Justin as Justin was himself. "I'll ask the obstetrician when I go. I called and set up an appointment for next week."

Brian nodded and they were both silent for a time. "We're going to need a bigger place," Brian eventually said as he looked around the loft.

Justin nodded. "Yeah."

"We are not joining the ranks of Stepford fags," Brian said adamantly. "We'll find a place as sexy as we are."

"Okay," Justin said with a grin. "I'm not sure what that means, but okay."

"We're going to need childcare," Brian said. He took Justin's feet onto his lap and began to massage them. "I was thinking either a live-in nanny or an au pair."

"Maybe for the first couple years," Justin said. "But kids need socialization, don't they?"

Brian shrugged. "I'm sure you'll read every book ever written on parenting between now and when the kid comes, so I guess we'll find out." Brian paused and squeezed Justin's foot. "Are you okay?'

Justin looked at Brian and sighed. "I think so. I'm still kind of in shock, you know?"

Brian sucked his lips between his teeth and then gave Justin a small smirk. "Yeah I know. But we're in this together."

BJBJBJBJBJ

Brian waited until Justin was sleeping and crept from their bed to go sit on the sofa and drink copious quantities of Jim Beam. He had meant everything he said to Justin earlier, they were in this together, but Brian wasn't quite as confident of his ability to adapt to a change this big as he had led the twink to believe. It was one thing to be a part time father to Gus. It was something else entirely to take on the full time care of an infant. It was one thing to let Justin into his life, and even cut back his tricking for the blond. It was something else to think of becoming a family man. No matter what he had said about not becoming a Stepford fag, it seemed like fate was dragging him in that direction against his will.

He was on his third glass of JB when he felt familiar arms wrap around him from behind. "I don't expect you to change, Brian. You are who you are, and that's the man I fell in love with."

Brian sighed and set the half empty glass aside before pulling Justin around and into his lap. He kissed his partner and then lay back. Justin's head was on his shoulder and they just sort of curled into each other.

"We'll redefine family the same way we redefined relationship," Justin said. "We'll figure out what works for us and fuck the rest of the world's expectations."

"Let's go back to bed," Brian said and kissed Justin again. When the blond said things like that, the only way Brian knew how to respond was to show him how much he fucking loved this kid who had taken over his world. And so that's what he did.

BJBJBJBJBJ

Justin went to the obstetrician a few days later and Brian decided to go with him. They found out that Justin was 10 weeks into the pregnancy and that their baby looked to be healthy so far. They also found out that Justin was due in late November and that he likely got pregnant around Valentine's Day. Brian had snorted when he heard that. They had celebrated that particular holiday with a small orgy at the loft. Ten men all fucking and sucking for hours, and of course, Brian and Justin had fucked numerous times that evening: both each other and several of the other attendees.

"Well, it may not be the most romantic conception ever, but it is pretty fitting," Justin had said in response to Brian's amusement.

Justin decided against telling anyone straight away. He said it had something to do with the chances of miscarriage dropping drastically after the first trimester. Brian thought that was a rather dumb excuse since if Justin miscarried he would want the support of at least his mother and Debbie, but he figured that Justin had other reasons that he wasn't ready to share so he went along with Justin's wishes. They also set about looking for a new place with Jennifer's help. Not being able to explain the need for the move proved interesting.

"I still don't see why you feel the need to get a larger place," Jennifer said as she showed Brian and Justin yet another house that was completely ill-suited for them. "Nor what the rush is. I thought you both loved the loft."

"We do," Justin said. "But I'd like a place where I could have my studio at home instead of having to drive across town whenever inspiration strikes. And I think Brian's getting tired of trying to work when I'm watching TV or listening to music. Besides, Brian's wardrobe outgrew the loft's only closet years ago. There's really no room for my clothes, or even all of his."

"You sure this house won't do?" Jennifer asked Brian. Brian gave her a look and she sighed. "There aren't a lot of 'sexy' houses in Pittsburgh, Brian."

"Then think outside of the box," Brian told her, "like you did with Kinnetik."

That was how they ended up walking through a boarded up neighborhood library near Liberty Avenue a couple days later. It had been built in the sixties and had very modern architectural details and was in fairly decent structural condition despite having been closed for almost five years due to budgetary cutbacks. The main room of the library was lit by a two-story wall of windows. The glass itself was semi-transparent decorative glass etched with a cross-hatch pattern and all the panes seemed to be in good condition.

The main part of that central room was at least as large as the loft with several skylights. There was a balcony above that had once held part of the stacks of books that had more skylights and a wide floating staircase—made from wood with a single steel support and glass barriers along the railings—connecting it to the main floor. Below the balcony there were more stacks. The only closed off spaces were down the hall to the left of the front door: the restrooms, what had once been the children's reading room, a small conference room and the library offices which extended under one section of the balcony.

"I thought that you could convert the space upstairs into bedrooms," Jennifer said. "And Brian could keep the office for his work. And Justin, you have to see the lighting in the children's section. It would be a perfect space for a studio. It has a wall of etched-glass windows just like this room as well as more skylights."

"It would take a lot of work to convert this into a house," Justin said warily, but Brian was grinning as he imagined the possibilities.

"What about outdoor spaces?" Brian asked.

Jennifer showed them the outdoor courtyard nestled behind the offices, between the children's section and the stacks. It was a huge walled in garden with lots of greenery that had grown wild over the years, but there was plenty of room and potential there. There was even space to put in a patio and play set eventually. There was a small iron gate in one of the ivy covered walls that led to the small parking area and Brian could imagine coming home at the end of a long day to find Justin and their child playing out there. For the first time, Brian was filled with something other than dread when considering the future with their child.

"Let me get the architect who did the loft in here," Brian said. "See what he thinks. But I think this just might be the place."

"I love it, Brian, but will it take very long to do the conversion?" Justin asked with concern. He loved the place as much as Brian but he was worried that they wouldn't be able to finish the renovations before the baby came.

"We won't know until we talk to Clark," Brian said. "If it takes too long we can consider other options, okay?'

Justin nodded, but Jennifer said nothing. She was pretty sure that Brian would make it happen even if he had to pay a fortune to the contractors in overtime. He wanted this property. She had seen the same look in his eyes when she had shown him the baths that now housed Kinnetik.