Brian loved walking down 5th Avenue, especially on a brisk autumn day like today. At least he always used to love it. He sighed to himself as he wondered once again if he would ever be able to step foot in New York City and not ache for the man he knew was taking the world by storm here, just as he predicted he would.
It had been five years, five fucking years, and yet he still missed the blond bombshell today just as much as ever…maybe even more. As difficult as it was with New York being the hub of so much of the action in advertising, he really tried to limit the amount of time he spent here. The Empire City…it was just too painful to know that he was so close to his former lover, and yet so very, very far away.
As a result, his heretofore frequent shopping trips on the fashion focused thoroughfare had been limited as well. Not that he didn’t make sure that he got his top designer, fashion forward appetite fed regularly. He was, after all, still the same Brian Kinney, label queen extraordinaire. He just had made it a point to satisfy that particular pleasure in one of the several other venues where shopping for the trendy elite was available.
Stepping out of the Gianni Versace storefront after having purchased an ass hugging pair of slim fit jeans as well as a to-die-for pair of square toe city boots, he was once again pleased that he had decided to stay overnight at Omni Berkshire Place, so that he could take advantage of the pleasant weather and stroll among the stores at will, without having to worry about calling a car to take him back to his hotel when he was through.
He was close enough that he could allow himself to enjoy his leisurely walk back to his room, even though it also allowed him more than enough time to let his mind wander back to the other source of absolute pleasure that was never far from his mind in this fair city.
‘Fuck’, he thought to himself, as he brought his hand up to grasp the bridge of his nose to relieve the tension that had once again settled there. He had only gotten less than one block down the avenue, which was what…a 30 seconds walk, before the man he let get away once again invaded his thoughts and made his chest clench uncomfortably.
/~/
He had hoped that deciding to pursue the consultant opportunities that had been opening up for him in the wake of the trio of CLIO awards he had won to add to his already expansive collection would keep him too busy to dwell as much on the only man who had ever made it past the carefully built walls around his heart.
He truly had believed that the increased travel and unknown challenges he walked into on a regular basis, while attempting to share his expertise and knowledge with up and coming agencies across the country, would be enough to distract him from the loneliness and heartache of having known what it felt like to be loved…and lost it.
So, he had turned the reins of running Kinnetik over to Cynthia and Ted, the two people currently in his life that he trusted beyond a shadow of a doubt.
He knew that Cynthia was more than a little responsible for the success of the Pittsburgh based agency he had created from the ground up, and he had no qualms whatsoever about leaving it in her more than capable hands. He couldn’t ask for a better CEO.
This in turn allowed Ted the opportunity to branch out and showcase the skills he had picked up along the way. While he was still familiar with each and every financial report, and kept his finger on the pulse of every aspect of the accounting department he had personally hired and trained to fill his shoes, through the years he had shown that he had become so much more than just a numbers nerd.
Not only had Ted exhibited loyalty and efficiency beyond Brian’s wildest expectations, but the times that necessity had demanded that Ted fill in for Brian in dealing with the clients who could not be rescheduled when Brian was traveling or ill had revealed he had a real talent for bringing in new accounts while keeping the established clients happy and generous with their contract budgets.
As a result, Brian had decided to give Ted the title of COO, making it clear to both of his trusted employees that while he wanted to be kept abreast of all major decisions regarding the agency, and would retain majority share, the day to day operations were to be split between the two of them as equal partners.
His friends had been astounded when they opened the portfolios outlining their new duties and compensation packages when they realized that they each now owned 24% of the corporation. However, Cynthia felt more than comfortable in her new role, as did Ted who was also thrilled to take advantage of the chance to travel and entertain with his husband Blake, enjoying the parties and establishing new contacts that Brian no longer had to concern himself with.
/~/
As he walked through the front door of the hotel, Brian was too lost in thought to notice the hopeful smile the doorman offered him as he opened and held the large plate glass door for him to enter. While he enjoyed the generous tips the man always placed in his palm for the slightest service, the handsome concierge would give it all away for just one night with the gorgeous businessman.
Tonight though, Brian gave the man neither tip nor attention. Instead, he wondered to himself if he had made the right decision to step away from Kinnetik. Instead of serving as a catalyst to missing Justin less, he found that the separation from his family and friends, and the obvious lack of true companionship as he traveled alone, slept alone, partied alone, ate alone.….only served to point out the growing emptiness that his life had become.
As much as it hurt to do so, he tried to picture him out there tonight, and hoped he was happy. That is the only thing that would make it all worth it. He knew he was a success, having kept up with his career in the trade magazines, but he also knew only too well that success and happiness did not necessarily go hand in hand.
He couldn’t bear to think about his Sunshine (he would always think of him that way) without that smile that little up entire rooms with its brightness, but it hurt like hell to contemplate that smile directed at some unknown person - someone who had put that smile on his face instead of him.
Looking up at the mirrored glass on the elevator he now stood before, he saw the reflection of the doorman gazing longingly after him, and decided since he had no interest at all in stepping out to one of the many clubs the New York scene had to offer, that the this man would do as much as any other. He had to do something to distract himself, and he was now horny as fuck having had the blonde on his mind all day. Yes, the guy wasn’t a troll, he had a nice ass, and he would just have to do.
Walking back over to the entrance, he nodded toward the curious doorman, who recognized the gesture and quickly stepped inside. “Something I can do for you Mr. Kinney?”, the man asked expectantly.
“I forgot your tip,” Brian said as he leaned over to place a single one dollar bill in the man’s hand. Lowering his voice to barely a whisper, he added, “Room 309. Don’t keep me waiting too long.” With that he walked back across the lobby and got on the elevator, quite sure that the young man would be scrambling to take his break as quickly as he could, and would be knocking on his door before he knew it.