CHAPTER 8: YOU CAN’T FIX STUPID AND YOU CAN’T CHANGE IGNORANT…BUT YOU CAN GIVE THEM ONE FUCK OF A SLAP!

DINER – TUESDAY MORNING

KIKI

“Hey Kiki!”  Debs yells.  “How’d did the reunion go?”

“Oh great!  He’s coming here for coffee in about an hour.”  She looks round.  “I wonder if you could put in a word for me.”

“A word where?  Are-are you leaving us?”  Debs starts to tear up.

“No!  Of course not.  But Thomas is looking for a job and I know it’s an imposition but if you could speak to Zee and Emmy Lou.”

“About?”  She demands impatiently.

“I heard they need a chef and he’s a chef who is looking for a new…”

“Who’s a chef?”  Emmy Lou interrupts me.

I sigh.  “Bernie and Arnold’s son Thomas, you’ve heard me talk about him?”  Emmy Lou nods.  “Well he’s really good, not as good as you guys but good and…”

“Send him to us!”  Emmy Lou sinks into a booth.  “If I have to taste one more omelette I will scream.”

“Really?”

“Yes really.  How is it possible to fuck up an omelette?!”

E&ZHoD

CARA

I LOVE MY JOB!  Don’t get me wrong I loved the gallery and I will still see Lydia but this is my dream job.   We’ve got testing all this week for three parties over the next couple of weeks.

“Okay Zee…”  I walk into the Testing Area and stop.  “Zee are you in here?”  She pops out from the larder but doesn’t move from the door.  “Okay, what exactly are you doing?”

“Uh nothing.”  She replies quickly.  “Wh-what was it you wanted?”

“I just wanted to let you know that Emmy Lou called to say expect a Thomas Williamson.  He’s a friend of Kiki’s.  Should be here in about 20 minutes.”

“Thanks.”  She replies.  “I’ll expect him did Emmy say if he would be joining us, I mean yes us.”

“Do you mean, you, me and Emmy Lou or you, me, Emmy Lou and Faal?”  I grin at her.

“What can I say except I love the guy?”  She grins back.

“Okay I’ll leave you to your love fest, you’ve got 15 minutes to pash out.”

“Thank you!”  Faal calls out.  “Now get back in here my lig!”

I shake my head and make my way back to my desk.

“Oh sorry sir, have you been waiting long?”  I greet the gentleman in reception.

“No, not long at all.  I wonder if you can help me, my name is Guido, Guido de Witt.  I represent Taylor Electronics and I would like to employ your services for a party that Mr Taylor would like catered for the 25th of this month, I realise it is short notice.  There would be about 20 people, I’ve heard nothing but good things about you.”

“Thank you.  That shouldn’t be a problem.  Now if you’d like to take a seat I’ll get the details from you.”

EMMY LOU

I make my way back to work and step inside.  Cara, the godsend, smiles at me.

“Emmett, this is our new client Mr de Witt, he works for…”

“Now Cara we’ve agreed that you should call me Guido...”  He smarms at her, I can see the revulsion in her eyes.

“Nice to meet you Emmett.”  He tells me without looking at me.  Rude!

“Yes, you did.  As I was saying he works for...”

“Excuse me I’m looking for Emmett Honeycutt?”

“That would be me and you are?”

“Thomas Williamson.  I was sent here by Kiki…”

“Oh yes, can you go through there I’ll be right with you.  Is Zee available?”

Cara nods and I try not to smile as she pulls her hand out of Guido’s reach.

“Now Mr de Witt, I believe we have everything we need here.  We’ll be in touch with your confirmation details shortly.”  I take him firmly by the elbow and lead him to the door.  “Good day sir.”

“I need bleach, no correction battery acid.  A wire brush and caustic soda.  He was revolting!  How he thought that he was sexy or that it was flattering is beyond me.  Ugh!”

I have to laugh.  “So where is King Odious of the Creep-O-Zoids from?”

“Taylor Electronics and…”

“Absofuckinglutely not!”  I snap at her, she looks shocked.  “Sorry sweetie.  But he works for Justin’s father and…”

“Oh my I didn’t realise.  Well obviously we…”

“Will send him the confirmation that everything is in order.  When’s the party again?”

“25th, so in three days, a small intimate event for 20 very influential clients…his boss needs to impress them.”

“Don’t tell anyone else about this okay?”  She frowns but nods.  “Trust me sweetie. He’ll impress them alright.”

I smile at her, I may not be able to do much but this I can do!

THOMAS

Oh my goodness this kitchen is heavenly!  My last job was in a high end restaurant and they didn’t have the kit that this place has.

“You must be Thomas?”  I turn to a rich heavily accented voice and I reach for his hand and internally happy dance.

“I’m Faal and this is my wife…”

“Of course she is.”  I sigh.  “I mean I’m…”

“Don’t worry about it Thomas, I’m Zee and if Kiki says you’re good then you’re in.”

“Par...Pardon?”  I stammer.  “Are you serious?”

“Yep.  But just in case, can you prep my carnivore of a husband a steak.  By the way he’s South African and likes his steak with more than a hint of moo.  And spicy he likes it spicy.”

Twenty minutes later I plate up and watch with pride as Faal asks for more bread and glowers at Cara as she reaches for a piece of steak.

“He’s in.”  Emmett smiles.

LUTHER STARK’S 2ND CONDO – WEDNESDAY MORNING

RECEPTION

MICHAEL

Our stuff has finally arrived from Canada but Lindsay is still not talking to me properly.  How was I supposed to know that telling that we had immediately moved out would incur such a big penalty?

“Lindsay, I’ve said I’m sorry.”

“All you had to do was tell them we were giving notice not that we had moved, nor give them permission to pack up the entire house.  That sorry…”  She pauses as the doorbell goes.  “Cost us $6000.”

“Good afternoon.”  Talon strides in as if she owns the place.  “You’re going to have to clear that up, Luther doesn’t like clutter.”

“We’re in the process of clearing it up Ta…”

She holds up her hand.  “Say my name correctly or the next park bench is yours.”

“Talon.  And what are you doing here exactly?  We live here. And…”

“I’m screwing the person who owns this place.  So until such time as that is you, I get to go where I want without answering to your scrawny ass.”

WHITE & SULLIVAN

SOLOMON’S OFFICE

SOLOMON

So, I’m six foot three, weigh almost 250 pounds and have almost 5% body fat and currently I am pinned to the floor by a six foot South African who’s kissing me like I’m his last meal.  Thank goodness, he’s moving down to my neck so I can at least breathe!

“Me…Menno baby can you just stop a minute?”

I groan as he completely ignores me and latches onto my nipple, when he undid my shirt I have no idea.

“Shush.”  He mumbles from the depths of my crotch.  “Busy.”

Man he is quick!  “Men…oh!”  I gasp as he swipes my cock from base to tip and then swallows me down whole.

His mouth is like hot butter and he has my hips locked in position and I’m beginning to see stars!

“Baby, the ph…phone.  Need to…oh God…yes!  Right, right there, just like that!”  I yelp.

Seconds later I’m arching my back and trying not to scream the place down as I come hard.  I slump back down and try to suck some much needed air into my lungs before he starts to kiss me again.  Slow, soft, tongue filled kisses; he tastes of a combination of me, him and coffee…best taste in the word.

“Roll us over baby.”  Slowly he does so.  I reach for my pants but he pulls on my ear and waves the condom in my face.  “Was a boy scout.”  He mumbles before pulling me down for a tongue filled kiss again.

“Ready?”  I whisper and feel his legs start to slide up my waist as I raise up onto my knees.

“Now.  Baby.  Now.”

I push gently into him and we lock gazes.  I entwine our hands above his head and slowly start to thrust into him.  This is our favourite position because I get it right on target.

“Sol…Solly!”  He groans as we kiss between thrusts.  “Fuck so good.  Deeper please deeper!”

I shift forward slightly and his breath hitching and the tightening of his legs tells me that’s what he wanted.  “Yes.  There.  Don’t you fucking stop!”

We’re sliding against each other covered in sweat and after four more hip snaps, he explodes and groans deeply into my mouth as we keep kissing.

Five minutes later, I gently withdraw and sit on my haunches.  He looks so hot like this.  Freshly fucked and slowly coming down from cumming.  I finally manage to get up on my feet and collect damp cloth and gently clean him up.

“How is it I’m the only completely naked one?”  I ask pulling up my pants; he stretches out a hand and I pull him to his feet.  And then we kiss again…I slap away his wandering hands.

“No, baby I have to be in court in an hour.”  He pouts but I step out of his reach.  “Answer the naked question.”

He shrugs and buttons up his shirt and grins smugly, before replying.  “I was distracting you.”

I harrumph and reach for my phone to check the voicemail messages.  One was just confirmation of what we already knew and the other was better than that.

I lick my lips and smile at him.  “What’s that smile for?”

“Two things, one all the cases are locked down. There is no way in hell they can be reviewed now.  And two...got a postponement for my case.  Now you get naked immediately.”

LUTHER STARK’S 2ND CONDO

LOWER OFFICE

MICHAEL

It’s taken four trips but I’ve finally moved all my collectibles boxes down here and I’m moving some of his things off the shelves.

“Oh no, no you are not doing that!”  Talon’s tells me.  “These boxes go in the garage or the basement.”

“These boxes have my collectibles in them and Luther said to make ourselves at home and…”

“Michael, there is a great difference between making yourself at home and imposing yourself in someone else’s home, which is what you are doing by doing that.” She puts the books back and looks at me scornfully.  “Now the garage or basement, which one would you like directions to?”

“How do you look at yourself in the mirror every day knowing that you cheated on your husband with your father in law all this time?”  I sneer at her.

“The same way you look at yourself.  Didn’t you fuck over your best friend?   Your husband? And your children?”

“You don’t know anything about that!”  I snarl at her.

“Honey, I know plenty. I don’t just fuck the guy, I listen when he talks.  You’d be wise to do the same.”

“Oh there you are.”  Lindsay interrupts us.  “I was…uh Michael what are you doing?”

I smirk at Talon.  “Putting my collectibles…”

“You can’t put these in here Michael.  They need to go in the basement or the garage.  For heaven sake, use some common sense!”  Lindsay sighs angrily.  “Talon I’m sorry about that.”

“Oh no problem Lindsay.  Did you want me or him?”

“Michael.”  She turns back to me.  “Put these in the garage and then we need speak to our lawyer about the misrepresentation case.”

I nod then scowl at Talon and start to make my way to the garage.

PHIL MITCHAM’S RESIDENCE

PHIL

It’s been a great holiday but now it’s time for me to get back to work.

“Honey, I just need to check the messages and I’ll be in for lunch in a second okay?”

“Okay.”  She shouts back.  “Don’t take long though.”

I play the messages back and freeze before quickly dialling the number.  “Malachy its Phil.  I’ve been on holiday.  Now what’s this about misrepresentation?”

I listen and slowly feel my heart rate goes back to normal.  “Thanks, Mal... No really, I appreciate it.  Yeah completely entitled; her through breeding, and him through fuck alone knows what.  Oh don’t worry. I’ll sort it out.  Bye.”

“Honey lunch?”  Gretchen pokes her head round the door.  “Uh are you okay?”

“No, but I will be.  Five minutes, I promise.”  She nods and closes the door.  “Aunt Millie, it’s Phil…”

JENNIFER & TUCKER’S CONDO

JENNIFER

“Just tell me that you didn’t do anything else stupid?”

“No mom, I swear that was it.”  Justin looks to Brian for support.

“I did try and tell him.”  He shrugs.  “In fact, I tried to warn him from the beginning…”

“Brian!  You are not getting off scot free either!”  Debs scolds him.

“Debs stop blaming Brian!  It was my decision and he did warn me honestly.”

I sigh and look at two of the most infuriating men in my life, who I love very much.

“If you weren’t so big I’d take you over my knee.”  Debs scowls but she’s softening judging by the smile tugging at her lips.

“So we’re forgiven then?”  He asks hopefully.

“Yes.  But I would tell Zee about Cody Bell.”

“Okay, we will.”  Brian stands and pulls Justin to his feet. “See you Saturday.”

PETERSON RESIDENCE – WEDNESDAY LATE EVENING

LOUNGE

RONALD

The last time Millie and Harold were here with those expressions on their faces it was because of Lindsay.

“What’s she done this time?”  I sigh.

“She wants to take Phil to court for misrepresentation…”

“Can she do that?”  Nancy gasps.  “I’m so sorry Millie, I just don’t know what to say…”

“Can you find out where she lives?”  Harold interrupts her coldly.  “It’s time we dealt with her directly.”

“Yes of course, let me call her now.”  She hangs up two minutes later.  “Here’s the address.”

“Thank you, Nancy.  Now have a good evening.”

“Millie we really are sorry about this…”  I begin.

“That’s the problem. You are always sorry.  Good night.”  Harold cuts me off.

BRITIN

MASTER BEDROOM

JUSTIN

Oh my ass stings so bad and my arms shake in the effort to stay on my hands and knees.  And I’m struggling to keep my mouth shut.

I feel the bed sink as he climbs behind me and slowly pulls out the plug.  “So that’s six from Debbie and six from Jennifer, this is from me.”

I start to shake as he pushes it back in.  “Remember not to speak or I will have to start all over again.”

Sweat is pouring off me and he licks down my spine.  Then brushes his fingers from the base of my cock to the tip.

“And you can’t come until I say you can.”  I groan as he whispers hotly in my ear.  “I should really have put a cock ring on you, shouldn’t I?”

He pulls the plug out again and I wait for him to thrust it back in but he instead slides into me.  And waits.  Inside my head I’m screaming move just fucking move!   I look back at him and he smiles that sexy smile of his and slowly pulls out before sliding in and hitting my prostate just right.

“Oh baby you feel so good and tight!”  He croons into my ear.  “And you’re doing so well.”

He continues to groan and moan as he slams steadily into me.  “Yes!  Does it feel good?  Oh God!  Ah!  Oh!”

My balls are so tight and my cock is almost purple as I strain not to come.  He licks that spot behind my ear and starts to jerk my cock in time with his thrusts and with each thrust I grunt and grip the sheets.

“Now baby.”

“Oh!  Yes fuck yes!  Yes.  Ooooohooo yes!”  I scream and buck underneath him as my orgasm rips through me.

“Fuck!  Fu-uc-kkkk!”  He yells, shudders and we collapse in a heap of twitching limbs.

“That was fucking hot!”  I murmur as he pulls me to his side.  “Sitting down may be an issue for me for a while though.”

“Twat.”  He mumbles back.

FELLOW & STEADMAN – THURSDAY AFTERNOON

MALACHY STEADMAN’S OFFICE

MALACHY

I’m going to enjoy this.  If there are two kinds of people I hate dealing with it’s the rich, entitled and the rich, entitled and stupid.  And I have three prime examples in front of me. Well not the Novotny character as he has no money and is just coat-tailing.

“So when’s the review of these cases?” Luther asks.

“There isn’t going to be one.”  I reply and don’t have to wait long.

“What do you mean there isn’t going to be one?!  I pay you good money to…”

“Do my job and that is what I have done.  These cases have already been reviewed and there is nothing wrong with them.”

“But…”

“Nothing wrong with them.  They’ve gone to every board in seven states; they passed.”

“So there’s nothing we can do?  What about the misrepresentation of our, and I use this term loosely, lawyer?”  Lindsay asks scathingly.

“He didn’t misrepresent you two. He lost, which is completely different.  You lost so suck it up.  Now if you don’t mind...”

“I do mind!”  Luther barks at me.  “I want these reopened and what I want is what I get!”

“Not from this office.  Find someone else to try and scare Mr Stark, it’s not working.”  I stand and press the intercom.

“Sarah, can you show my guests out and prepare the final bill for Mr Stark.  He won’t be using our services again.”

LUTHER STARK’S CONDO – THURSDAY MID-MORNING

KITCHEN

TALON

I’ve been listening to Luther bitch and moan about the cases for the last hour and I’m bored out of my mind.

“So what are you going to do now?”  I ask just to move this conversation along a bit.

Luther takes a breath.  “I’m going to meet Zander. He’s going to sell me his part of the company back.  I’ll see you in an hour.”

OFFICE

LUTHER

I can’t believe this for shit week I’ve had!  First Xanthe and now these cases.  And from what Talon’s been saying this Novotny person has been giving her attitude.

“Master Zander is…”

“How many fucking times?”  I bellow.  “Do not announce my family just let them come in!”

“Very well.”  Ralph turns sharply.  “Sir you know the way.”  I hear him say and sit back down.

Zander comes in with a guy I don’t recognise but he introduces me to him as his lawyer.

“Boy what do you need a lawyer for?  I’m family.”  I smile at him.

“I would rather have one than not.”  He replies.

“So let’s get down to business.  We’ve agreed the price.  Your share of the company for $20 million correct?”

“But dad…”

“Hush boy, I just want this over and done with.  Something good has got to come out of this week!”

“So am I to understand that you have access to $20 million as of right now?”  His lawyer asks.

“Correct.”  I lean back in my chair.  “How would you like it cash or…Delia what the hell are you doing here?!”

“Settlement.”  Delia’s calls from the door.

“Ralph!”  I bellow.

“Yes sir?”

“Why did you let her through?”  I snarl at him.

“You said I didn’t need to announce your family sir; I merely followed orders.”  He replies.  “Will that be all sir?”

I nod and could swear I saw him smirk!

“You do realise it is not a good idea to lie to the lawyer that is representing your wife in a divorce case?”  Delia hisses.

“Law…lawyer?”  I stammer.

“Yes.  Now Zander be a good boy and step out.  Mr Stark and I need to talk…money lots of money.”

I groan as Delia and her lawyer get comfortable.

BUTTER MIDTOWN – LATE AFTERNOON

ZANDER

“Hey sweetie.”  Mom kisses my cheek and sits down.

“So, how’d it go?”  I ask her signalling the waiter for the champagne.

“Didn’t know what hit him.”  She laughs.  “Had to show where he got it from so accountants are looking at it now.  I think about another $15 million in the settlement is coming my way.”

She takes sip of champagne.  “So what else you boys got planned?”

UPTOWN GALLERY – FRIDAY MORNING

HUNTER

I will the printer to print faster.  Miranda and I are bouncing on our toes.  “Done let’s go!”

We run across to Bloom and before we even get there, Sarah is opening the door grinning and Lydia’s door is open and she’s beaming at us.

“I was copied in urchins!  I’m so pleased for you both.  Now we’re just waiting for Marek and we’ll start to discuss your New York showing for Charles Pearlman.  Melody recommended you as I knew she would and…”

“Still not leaving Pittsburgh.”  I remind her and get a relieved smile.

I’ve been doing more shows with Miranda and we’ve been getting some press coverage and Charles Pearlman came and now we’re doing one for him in a couple of weeks’ time.  I’ve got to ask Aunt Dee if we can use the small condo as our base and of course Uncle Luc for help.

I can’t wait!

CRAIG TAYLOR RESIDENCE – FRIDAY EVENING

DINING ROOM

CRAIG

I’m so looking forward to this!  According to Guido, this is one of the best caterers in Pittsburgh. We were lucky to get them.  The great and the good of the electronics industry are here and with Stark’s money coming in, we could be a great conglomerate.

“Gentlemen, gentlemen, please be seated.  Dinner is about to be served.”  I smile as I get the signal.

The dining room door opens, whatever it is smells delicious.  I adjust my cuffs and look up and my jaw joins everyone else’s on the floor.  The waiters are naked except for fake cuffs around their wrists and bow ties, which they aren’t wearing around their necks.

“Craig?  What is this?”

“I-I do…”

“Is this the business you wanted to discuss or some kind of sex club?  I thought this was about Taylor Electronics, unless you are branching out into sex toys?”

“We’re going to serve now.”

One of the waiters simpers and we all watch aghast as he helps another to lie down on the table and they place pieces of food on his body.

“Get it whilst it’s hot.  You don’t have to use cutlery.  Do feel free to suck it off, but don’t leave a mark.”

“I don’t…”

Within 5 minutes the dining room is empty.

CAR ACROSS THE STREET

EMMY LOU

Bon appetite Mr Taylor, I smile to myself, and drive away laughing. They are going to enjoy watching this over the weekend.