Brian’s POV

 Brian got home from work the next day, stripped out of his suit, hanging it carefully, and pulled on sweatpants, and nothing else. It was Saturday, but since he had been rather unproductive the day before, he had called Cynthia early and let her know that they needed to put in a couple of hours to make up for it. They ended up working the whole day.

He didn’t have the energy to go out, and besides, he didn’t want to hear what anyone else had to say, or see the pity on their faces. Fuck that!

He went over to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water, and realizing quickly that if he wanted to eat tonight, he would have to call out. His fridge was as empty as the day he met…no…he wasn’t going to go there. It was too painful. Fuck, why would anyone want to open up their heart like he had…only to be left feeling… “Fuck,” he said out loud to himself. “Get a grip, Kinney, you didn’t think it would actually work, did you?”

He walked over to the phone to call for his favorite Thai meal, then quickly changed his mind and decided to order an antipasto from the deli instead. Damn, why did everything have to remind him of Justin?

As he picked up the phone to dial, he noticed all the messages on his phone, and frowned. Probably from the gang, wanting to rub it in, or cheer him up. Whatever. He wasn’t interested in either one. He hit the button, and quickly deleted the first two messages from Michael without even listening to them. He was sure that Deb had gone home and told him everything that had happened, and he did not want to hear what Mikey had to say. Two telemarketers, another one from Mikey – what the fuck did he want – and then he paused as he heard the small girlish voice on the other end. Daphne. Was Justin ok?

 “Hey Brian, just wanted to check in to make sure you are ok. I’m still head over heels for you, no matter what, you know that, right? Call me if you need to talk, ok? He may be my best friend, but you’re important to me, too, so, ummm, I’m here, ok? Bye.”

What the fuck was that all about. What could we have to talk about? Why did she care how he felt all of a sudden? She had walked away from him at the hospital, without a second glance. Had she known all along? Was that why she couldn’t look Brian in the eye as she left? And did the entire fucking city know that Brian was cheated  on and dumped…well, not dumped, he kicked Justin out, but whatever the fuck it was, did everyone need to know about it?

He played the message again, not really sure why, just that there was something strange in her voice, concern, sure, but … what was it…regret maybe. What did she have to be sorry for? Justin was a big boy, too old for his fag hag to still be taking responsibility for his actions and trying to make amends.

Even though he couldn’t get past the nagging doubt that she had known that Justin was seeing someone else, and not told him, he suddenly could think of no one he wanted to talk with more. She was the one person who knew Justin as well as him, maybe ever better. He had already made a fool of himself, revealing to her how the great Brian Kinney had fallen, hook, line, and sinker for her beautiful blonde friend.  There was no more to lose. He dialed her number, and she answered on the second ring.

“Hey pretty girl, what’s up. I got your message. “ He hoped he sounded as nonchalant as he was trying to. “Hey Bri, I’m glad you called. You, ok?”

“Sure” he said, not willing to completely  give in and let her see how miserable he was. “Hey, I just ordered a huge antipasto, and I sure as hell won’t be able to finish the whole thing. What do you say you come over and help me devour it?” He regretted the words as soon as they tumbled out of his mouth. What was he thinking? But it was too late, he couldn’t take it back without seeming like more of an ass than usual. “Sure, I’ll be over in about a half hour,” he heard her say. He hung up the phone, and wondered once again when he had lost his self control, the one thing that Brian ‘fucking’ Kinney was most known for.

Twenty minutes later, the food arrived, followed right behind it by the vivacious, curly haired vixen, who knew more about him at the moment than he was comfortable with. “Hey, hot stuff,” he said, as he leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Thanks for inviting me over,” she said, as she bounded through the door, taking a seat right away at the counter.

Brian emptied the bags without a word, and then asked, “ so, what do you want to drink?” “Water is fine.” “Good,” he smiled with his tongue in his cheek, “cause that’s really all I have, unless of course you want some Jim Beam.”

She laughed, and the sound of it seemed so out of place. He realized with a start that his home had become an empty tomb, the quiet that he had always cherished now stifling and gloomy. He never minded being alone before, had actually preferred it, once the dancing and the fucking for the night had come to an end, of course. Now, the walls felt like they were closing in, and it almost echoed when her laugh split through the air.

They ate in near silence, stopping only to make small talk here and there.  She looked up at him, and  seeing the pain she knew he didn’t let many see, she raised  one eyebrow, and held his gaze, inviting him to share what was on his mind, without actually having to say the words.

“Fuck, Daphne,” he finally admitted, although, had she not been looking at him, she might not have known he was speaking, it was so soft. “I spent years making sure that I didn’t need anyone – shutting out anyone who tried to get close. Then, I met Justin! I fought it for a while, but I soon allowed myself to admit, to me, to him, hell, to the whole fucking world – that I did need him, and that my life was nothing without him. Then, like some big cosmic joke, just as I expected, the rug has been pulled out from under me, and I don’t have any idea how to handle it. This thing has really knocked me on my ass, although if you ever tell a living soul that I just said that, I will swear that you are certifiably insane and have stopped taking your meds. “ Daphne giggled, and continued to hold his gaze, silently urging him to go on.

“Now, it’s like one of those snake in a can things. Once it has been let out, it can never be stuffed back in the container the same way again. I can’t go back to the me I was before I met him, when I didn’t let myself care and  didn’t let anyone into my heart. But I don’t know how to be anything else without him here, either. I’ve changed, but only because of him, and now I don’t know who I am anymore. “

Daphne continued to look him straight in the eye, amazed at all he was revealing to her. She could hardly believe that Brian Kinney was pouring out his heart to her, and she didn’t want to forget a thing that he said. She reached into her shoulder bag, pulling out a tissue to blot the tear that had appeared at the corner of her eye, but while in the bag, she slyly pushed the on button of the tape recorder she used to take notes in class.

She turned her attention back to the tall brunette, as she heard him say, “He was so much more than the one I fucked more than once, he was the one I could never quite let go, never wanted to let go. I tried to push him away, tried not to let him make me need him. Fuck Daphne, this is why I never wanted to fall in love! It hurts so bad, I can hardly stand it. Why didn’t he just leave me alone? Please, can you tell me why Justin couldn’t just leave me alone”

“Is that really true, Brian? Do you wish you had never learned to feel what he opened up for you.”

“I don’t know Daphne, I never thought I would feel the things he makes me feel. How can you miss what you never imagined existed. Now that I have had a taste of it, though, I can’t imagine life without it. I can’t think, I can’t work, nothing is right, because he is not here to share it with me. I can’t even face my friends. I am Brian ‘fucking’ Kinney, not some sniveling weakling. What would they think if they saw me right now?“

“First,” Daphne started cautiously, your true friends would never ask you to be something you are not. If you think they would, then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your circle of friends. The people who really matter are the ones who love you no matter what.”

Brian almost smiled, “No wonder you two get along so well, you almost sound like him. Thanks for coming over tonight, Daphne, I don’t know how I could ever get through this without you. You are quite a special young lady.”

Daphne smiled uneasily, as she was having a hard time accepting his compliments. If he only knew the truth, that right now she was not being the great friend to him that he thought she was.

“I don’t know how much you know Daphne, and I am fully aware that you were his friend long before you knew I existed. I know that if you had to choose, he would win, and I would never ask you to betray his confidence. Knowing how much you love him just makes me appreciate your support even more.”

“You’re welcome,  Brian.” Daphne said with relief. “ Don’t forget, your my friend too now. I will never betray his secrets, that’s not how I roll, but that doesn’t mean you are less important to me. I love you, you old dork. “

‘Hey, watch it with the old jokes, young lady, or I will have to spank you. “ “In your dreams, Kinney.” The friendly banter almost made him forget, at least for a little while. He was so glad he had called her. 

Long after Daphne had gone home, as he lay in his bed, unable to sleep or get his thoughts to stop spinning around in his head, he tried to put a finger on the nagging feeling inside him that he could not explain. What was it that Debbie had said…’things are not always what they seem’. Then tonight Daphne had said, ‘I will never betray his secrets.” He tried to contemplate what it could all mean, and then decided that knowing would not lessen his pain, so he put these thoughts aside, along with missing Justin and wishing he were here, and closed his eyes, wishing sleep to come.

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Justin’s POV

Justin woke up on Daphne’s couch in a cold sweat, aware that he had had another nightmare. This was the third night since he had left Debbie’s, not wanting to take a chance on running into Brian, or to wait until they all heard what he had done and kicked him to the curb.

Daphne had been locked in her room for hours. He couldn’t blame her if she was avoiding him. He didn’t like himself very much either. It was strange, however, that he kept thinking he heard a voice other than hers coming from the other side of her door, a man’s voice to be exact. And it sounded so much like Brian that it brought a fresh tear to his eye.

God, he thought to himself, now I am even imagining that I hear his voice. I really am fucked. He closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to overcome him once again, but it was almost two hours later before he actually slipped into restless unconsciousness. 

Only a half hour later, Daphne heard him begin to moan and thrash in his sleep once again. ‘No, Brian, watch out. He’s got a bat. ‘ Daphne ran over to him, and saw him grimace as he imagined the bat hitting Brian’s head in his dream. This was the same dream that he had been having since he arrived.

She pushed the play button on her tape recorder, Brian’s voice immediately filling the room. She had spent hours in her room, splicing together what she hoped would calm Justin in his sleep, knowing full well that the only thing that could keep the nightmares from coming back was his lover’s voice.  

“I am right here. I know what you need. I will never let you go. You are not alone. I love you, Justin.” She could actually see her friend settle, never waking, with peace coming over his features as Brian’s voice spoke soothingly to him in his sleep.

He slept the rest of the night without incident. As Daphne worked about in the kitchen, pouring a cup of coffee for each of them, Justin told her, “I had the most wonderful dream last night. Brian was whispering in my ear, telling how much he loved me, that he would never leave me alone. It was almost like he was right next to me, speaking into my ear like he did when we were lying in bed at night. I slept soundly for this first time since he stormed out of the loft, and out of my life.”

She smiled to herself, grateful that her trick had worked, and that her friend was none the wiser.  “So, what are you going to do today?” she asked.  “I don’t know,”  he responded. “ “Why don’t you paint something? I brought your supplies over that you had at your mom’s like you asked me to.”

“I haven’t been able to paint anything, “ he admitted, then added, “it’s not from the pain in my hand, though,” as he saw the look of concern pass over her face.

“What is it then? “ Justin always used his art when he was having a hard time. He used it when his dad kicked him out, and when his parents got divorced, and when the kids at school used to taunt and tease him – it always worked.

“My muse is gone. “ he said sadly, “I have no inspiration. Brian took my light away when he walked out that door.”

“Well, don’t forget he had more than a little push, mister. He didn’t want to leave. And I happen to know that he still loves you, and is struggling, too, maybe even more than you. All it would take is just one phone call.” She stopped herself from saying any more, afraid she would give away all that Brian had been sharing with her. She wouldn’t do that, even though she wished she could.

“He would never forgive me now, not after what I’ve done, “ Justin sighed. “Besides, nothing has changed. Chris is still at large, and I would not be surprised if he got nothing more than a slap on the wrist. You know how homophobic our police force is. I’m sure the judicial system would love to turn the other cheek as well. I know that Brian never wanted to fall in love, never wanted a relationship of any kind. I’m the one who wouldn’t give up until he loved me like I love him. I can’t let my perseverance be the thing that brings him harm. I could never live with myself if he got hurt because of me. I love him much too much for that!“

“Ok,” she said, as she left for school . She came home nearly six hours later to find him sitting in almost the same position on the couch as when she left.

Daphne shook her head and sighed. What would it take to make him see what he was doing, she wondered. She decided that she would go over to his mom’s house the next day. There had to be something  they could do. She just couldn’t watch these two men whom she loved, both so miserable, both wanting the same thing, yet both unable to find their way back to what they had before.

She made supper, glad that she had gotten him to take a few bites, and then settled in to do her homework. Not long after, she heard the now familiar sound of Justin stirring in his sleep. She reached over and pushed the button on her tape player.

“I am right here. I know what you need. I will never let you go. You are not alone. I love you, Justin” The blonde smiled and calmed in his sleep, even as a tear slid down his face that he was not aware he had shed.

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Jennifers’ POV

Jennifer opened the door, the incessant doorbell jangling her nerves. She had been up much of the night, trying in vain to think of what she could do to change the course of events in her son’s life.

“Daphne,” she exclaimed, as she saw the young woman on her doorstep. “How nice to see you dear, what brings you by?”  “Can I come in Mrs. Taylor,” she replied, looking as though she may burst into tears at any moment.

“Certainly sweetie,” Jen waved her hand to indicate that Daphne should come in, and offering her a seat and a drink, sat down on the chair opposite the one that the girl had chosen.

“You seem really distraught. I take it you have talked to Justin.” She might as well get right to the point, before the tears the young woman was trying to squelch ran over, making it impossible to understand what she had come to say.

“How much do you know?” Daphne asked, still not willing to tell tales out of school, so to speak. She wanted nothing more than to fix this for her friends, for them to stop being tormented being apart, but she would not do anything to lose the trust that both men had placed in her either.

“More than I wish I did,” her friend’s mother responded. She went on to give a brief overview of what Justin had told her, sure that if he had taken her into his confidence, then he had done the same with his best friend. She knew that there were things they had told each other through the years that probably none of their parents had ever been privy to. She also knew that there was most likely nothing that he kept from this precious young lady, who had been his friend through thick and thin as long as Jen could remember.

“What are we going to do? I spoke with Brian, and I can’t say much, except to tell you that he is as miserable as Justin. These two are like two halves of a whole, and nothing will be right in either of their worlds until they are reunited.” Jen laughed as the girls eyes lit up with the passion she felt for the challenge before them, knowing the end result would be worth whatever it took to make it come to pass.

“Justin is certainly the luckiest man on earth. To be loved so deeply by Brian and by you, well, he has truly been blessed. “ Daphne flinched as she heard the same words she had heard from Chris, knowing that was what had started this whole mess.

“I almost wish I had never told Justin what Chris had said. Then he would be with Brian right now, and they would be happy. “ Her eyes filled with tears, as she blamed herself for the situation that her friends were in.

“You could never have known that Justin would react this way, dear. Besides, if something had happened to Brian, and Justin found out you had known he was in danger but didn’t say anything, he might never have forgiven you.”

“Yeah, you’re right, but it doesn’t make it any easier to know that what I told Justin started this. Now we just have to figure out how to end it. “

“Well, if Brian being in danger is where this began, then doesn’t it make sense that what we have to do is show Justin that his partner is safe, and then things can return to normal. Well…as normal as things get for Justin and Brian. They really are quite a pair, aren’t they?”

“That’s for sure, so where do we start? “ Both woman thought for a moment, and then suddenly, “Chris!”, both women shouted at the same time. “Yes,”, Jen repeated, “we have to talk to Chris.”

“And then we’ll need the gangs help to bring our boys back together.” Daphne excitedly added. “it will have to be at Babylon,  and I know just who to talk to to get the job done. Michael will get Brian there, and Emmett is the only one who will be able to get Justin up off that couch, and out shaking his bootie.” “ Oh, sorry Mrs. Taylor, I guess that’s a bit much for you to think about, huh?”

“Well, it does leave a mental image that I would rather not have, but if that’s what it takes to get my son’s happiness back, I’ll just have to deal with it.”

Both women smiled, excited that they finally had a plan, and hoped that everything would go smoothly.

“It would probably be better if you talked to Chris yourself, Daphne. Having his victim’s mother show up might be a little intimidating. I want you to take a note along from me, however, to give to Chris,  assuring him that if he agrees to help us, I will be there to speak on his behalf before the judge. Maybe that will make him a little more inclined to convince Justin that he has no intention of harming anyone else.”

“Ok, I’ll go talk to him, and then I’ll speak to Emmett as well. I hope it won’t be too hard to convince him to get Justin to Babylon without being able to tell him all the details. It won’t be an easy task for him.”

“Well, I think I will have my work cut out for me, too. I need to talk to Michael to have him get Brian there, and…well…we all know how Michael can be. Luckily, I will be able to have Debbie intervene, if he gets to be too out of hand.”

“Ok, let’s meet up on Thursday to work out the plans, and let each other know what progress we have made. “  

Daphne called Chris to see if they could meet for lunch the following day at the hoagie shop down the street from his house. She wanted to be sure no one they knew would interrupt them, or be able to hear what they were saying. She then called Emmett to see if he could meet her at his Catering Shop, telling him only that she had something important that she needed to ask him.”

“Sure baby, is everything ok?” It seemed odd to the flamboyant young man to hear from Justin’s fag hag. While he and Justin had struck up quite a friendship over the last few months, the blonde’s time with him and his time with Daphne rarely crossed, so he really hadn’t had the chance to get to know the lovely young women very well.

“I’ll tell you more when I see you. I’ll be there in half an hour.” Emmett assured her that he would be there to meet her, and before he hung up, said, “Honey, I don’t know what’s going on, and that’s ok. I’m pretty sure that if you are calling me, there is something Justin needs, and whatever it is, I’m your man. You know that I would do anything for him, don’t you baby?”

“Yeah, Em,” she said, “I do know that. That’s why I called you. I’ll see you soon.”

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Michael’s POV

Michael hung up the phone, shaking his head in confusion. “Who was that?” his partner Ben asked. “It was Justin’s mother,” he replied, running his hand through his hair, and shaking his head once again.

“Are you ok? What did she want?” Ben became alarmed seeing the confused look on his lovers’ face. “Is Justin ok?”.

“Believe it or not, she wanted to talk about Brian. I haven’t seen him since the night of the bashing. He called me the night that Justin awoke from his coma, but we didn’t have a chance to get together. And he’s been avoiding me since Justin was released, not returning any of my phone calls. I thought it was odd, but then this is Brian we’re talking about. I figured he just needed time with Justin, and when he was ready, he show up at Woody’s or Babylon.”

“Now, I don’t know what to think. She sounded worried,  like something was wrong. And, come to think of it, it does seem odd that the little twink moved back into my old room, rather than stay with Brian or his mom. If something had happened, he would have told me, right? I mean, I’m his best friend. And, if there was something on her mind, why wouldn’t she talk to Justin about it? I just don’t understand, why she called me. And the last thing she said to me is the weirdest. She asked me to make sure that Brian goes to Babylon on Friday night, but not to mention to either Brian or Justin that she had called.”

“That is rather odd,” Ben said, “why would she call you to get Brian to the club instead of Justin? I know you never thought you would hear me say this, but perhaps it’s time you used your key, and went to check up on your friend Brian. It seems like you’ve been out of the loop a little too long.”

Michael kissed his partner affectionately. “Do you know how much I love you?” “No, I don’t think I do,” Ben smiled up at him, “I think you better show me when you get home tonight.” Michael blushed as he grabbed his car keys, and the ring where he kept the key to the loft. “Oh, I’ll do that – you’d better be ready.” Michael teased, walking towards the door, and blowing another kiss to his lover. “I’m always ready,”  Ben replied. He smiled to himself as he set to finish the project he was working on. He definitely wanted to be finished when Michael returned home tonight, so there was nothing to step in their way.

While Ben was thinking about all the things he was going to do to his husband later tonight, Michael was driving towards the loft, wondering what he was going to find there.

Brian had not been to Babylon in over a month. Michael didn’t think anything of it, he really didn’t go out much himself these days. His nights were mostly spent at home, he had never been happier.

He opened the door at Brian’s, and made his way up the steps, not wanting to give Brian to prepare for his arrival. He wanted to see what was going on, and he had no doubt that Brian would do his very best to shield him from it.

Nothing could have prepared Michael, however, for what he found when he opened the loft door. Brian was sitting completely in the dark. When Michael switched on the light, he barely moved. He had on only sweatpants, although the weather had been in the 80’s for days.

“What the fuck are you doing here? Trouble in paradise on your end of the road, too?” Brian didn’t even look up at him. “Or, did you come to see what the great Brian Kinney looks like when he falls, huh Mikey?” 

Michael walked towards him, then changed his mind and stopped by the bar set-up, and grabbed himself a drink. He had a feeling he was going to need it.

“What are you talking about, Brian? I seem to have missed something important here. I feel like the kid who got left behind, because no one told him when they were leaving for vacation. “ It came out in the whining, poor me voice that Michael often resorted to when he thought life was being unfair to him. “I’m your best friend for fuck sake, why didn’t you call me, and why haven’t you returned any of my phone calls?”

“Shut the fuck up Michael.” That made Mikey stand up and pay attention. Brian never used his full name, unless the shit was about to hit the fan. “Ben is your best friend, not me. If he isn’t, then you have your own problems at home, and shouldn’t be here sticking your nose in mine. If you don’t like it, then you just have to fucking deal with it. Justin should be my best friend, but he’s not here, is he?”

“What the hell, Bri, why are you so pissed at me?”, Mikey whined again. “Let’s just go out like we always did, that always improved your mood.”

“I have no interest in going out Mikey, can’t you see that? I had everything I never knew I wanted with Justin, and now it’s gone. He doesn’t want me anymore.  I found them fucking in my bed, for fuck sake. I fucking love him more than I thought I could ever love anyone. The only way I can be happy now is with him, but he’s moved on.

“What kind of shit did you take, Brian? You don’t do love. And who the hell does that twink think he is to try something like that, anyway? You’ll come to your senses as soon as that stuff wear off, and realize you are better off rid of him. You are the stud of Liberty Ave. You don’t need anyone.”

“Do you really see me at all, or are you still hung up on what you want me to be? It’s time we grow up, Mikey.  We are not teenagers anymore, nameless tricks can’t give me what I need anymore, I’m tired of being alone, and you and I are never going to grow old together with matching rocking chairs on the porch. “

“I am in love with Justin. Hell, I think I’ve loved him from the moment I saw him under that lamppost. I have to get him back, Mikey, and if you love me…I mean really love me, then you’ll help me find a way to get back what I’ve lost.

“But, he cheated on you. Why would you even want him back?”. If Michael didn’t stop whining, Brian was going to lose his cool altogether.

“Don’t you see, Michael, I hurt him, he hurt me, none of it matters.  It was all just fucking. But we love each other, I could feel it in his kiss, could see it in his eyes. I don’t know why he did what he did, but I am damn well going to find out.  So, are you going to help me, or not?