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Author's Chapter Notes:

scheming – clue finding – remorse


Sorry it took so long! I have been really struggling with this chapter, and had to re-write several times. Hope you like how it turned out. If the fact that I was writing through my own tears at the end means anything, then you may like it, too.

Brian's POV

By Tuesday night, Brian had only just begun to put together the few pieces of the puzzle that he had managed to collect. Debbie's strange comment provided the first clue. Debbie was not much of a deep philosophical thinker, that's for sure. She was more of a shoot from the hip kind of gal, with little filter to keep her from acting before she thought things through. So, her comment about things ‘not always being what they seem' kept coming back to haunt him.

His first thought was that his Sunshine was making an attempt to play him at his own game, and for some reason was throwing him off a cliff, but for what? No, it couldn't be that, it just didn't make any sense. He had told Justin how much he loved him, and he had meant every word. Justin had to be able to see that he had never been happier or more at peace in his entire life. So...he couldn't be trying to save him from himself...he had a posh job , a home most good queer boys would do almost anything for, and a bank account  that afforded him all that he could want. On top of that, for the first time in his life, he knew what it felt like to let himself be loved.

So, if Justin wasn't trying to push him away to free him from whatever he thought was holding him back from growing up, there was only one other reason to shove him off ‘Kinney Peak' - so named because Brian was the expert on this mountain made up of  ‘I don't deserve to be loved' heartbreak, and "my only worth is in what I do for those I love'  sacrifice. That would be to save him from someone or something else, and as far as he knew, there wasn't a thing threatening his life or his lifestyle at the moment.

So, by process of elimination, since it wasn't a cliff toss, it had to be something else. But what? Brian still had no idea, and he was determined to find out.

He walked towards Babylon, and stopped abruptly as he spotted the lamppost where he first laid eyes on the blonde beauty with the alabaster skin and striking blue eyes. Tears sprang to his eyes as his gut  wrenched in pain. How had he not realized that he loved him right from the start? Would things have turned out differently if he had not fought so hard to keep those walls around his heart protected and impenetrable? "Justin," he sighed, not even realizing that he had spoken the name out loud.  A single tear rolled down his cheek and came to rest on his lip, and as he brushed it away with the back of his hand, he ached for it to be Justin's lips instead pressed roughly against his mouth.

He walked past the bouncers at the front door, who stepped aside to let him enter, as heads turned and hunger and yearning blossomed on faces all across the room. He realized that for the first time in his life he had absolutely no interest in either the hunt or the backroom. He simply wanted answers, and he wanted Justin back at his side, where he belonged.

"Hey, Mikey, where's the professor? Won't he be lonely without the little woman to snuggle up to?" Brian smirked, and raised one eyebrow with the silent question they both understood - ‘have you found anything yet'- observed only by his oldest friend.

"Yeah, I guess I'd better be getting home. Ben will be waiting, and I don't want to disappoint him. Besides, Justin is coming over to the comic store early tomorrow morning to help me with my inventory, so I need to get some rest...that is if my husband doesn't keep me up all night." Michael winked surreptitiously, answering Brian's unspoken query without a word being spoken. Michael would be speaking to Justin in the morning to try to find out just what the fuck was going on in the younger man's head.  

As his friend left the dance floor, Brian approached the bar, where the astute bartender set up shots - 4 of them - all in a row. The handsome brunette downed them all one by one, and motioned to the man to set the up again.

He thought back to his conversation with Daphne, and his second clue. What was it she had said to him..."I will never betray his secret." What the hell did that mean? What secret could Daphne be keeping, and more importantly, why was she keeping it? One thing for sure, she knew something! He had known it in the way she ran out of the room at the hospital, and this little slip of the tongue confirmed it.  What could they be hiding? He was determined to find out.

Out of the corner of his eye, Brian noticed a pink boa, resting on the shoulders of a very enthusiastic young man in tight silver pants, a pepto bismol pink sleeveless shirt, and rhinestone studded pointy shoes.

"Well Honeycutt, as I live and breathe. Let's dance!"

Emmett knew right off that Brian was well on his way to drunken oblivion. Brian almost never danced just with Emmett, and he absolutely never initiated it. No, this man before him was most certainly not acting like himself, and Em couldn't help but wonder how much of it had to do with a certain blonde. Daphne had told him some of what had happened after Justin came out of his coma, but her loyalty to her friend kept her from filling in too many of the details. She had told him only what he needed to know in order to get him to agree to help with the reunion she and Jennifer had planned for Friday night." Sure Brian, but don't call me Honeycutt!"

After a few dances, during which he seemed sad, and more than a little distracted, Brian heads back over to the bar, with Em close behind him. He had seen the brunette stumble already, and now he was on his way to throw back some more.

"Come on Brian, how ‘bout you let me take you home, huh? You are in no condition to drive, and I'm sure you don't want anyone to see you falling over drunk in the middle of the dance floor, right?" Emmett advised.

As they drove along in Emmett's car, Emmett was glad for the silence, as Brian slipped into a restless sleep with his head resting on the window, and his mouth hanging open slightly in the most adorable way. He was also extremely pleased to have run into Brian, even if it was a total coincidence. Somehow, within the next few days, he and Mikey would need to find a way to have these two thick-headed fags rendezvous at Babylon, without either of them getting wind of the fact that it had all been set up. He tried to think of which man would be angrier if they found out.

They got to the building, and Emmett half carried his friend into the building, into the elevator, and then into the loft. He knew that once Brian got to the bed, he would fall into a deep sleep, and all chance of getting anything out of him would be lost. So, he directed him to the sofa, and against his better judgment, gave him the one thing guaranteed to get Brian talking again...another shot of Jim Beam.

Brian opened his eyes, and took the drink from Em's hand, although his hands were shaking so badly by this point that it was amazing any of the liquid made it to his mouth.

"Thanks, Emmy-Lou." Brian slurred the words, while trying to look up at him. Truth be told, he genuinely liked the flamboyant, generally over the top but always there in a pinch young man, although he would never, ever tell him that! Even in his current state, he knew he could count on Emmett to listen without judging him, which was exactly what he needed right now, short of a certain blonde in his bed with his ass in the air ready for him to fuck him into the mattress.

"Tell me Auntie Em, tell me what happened to us? Was I never enough for him? Or maybe it was the hunt and not the prize that had him from the start. What the fuck made him push me away like last year's Prada collection, as if he never meant any of what he said to me?"

"Baby, you know that Justin wears his heart right out there on his sleeve. There is no way he was faking any of that all this time."

"I never thought I could love anyone. Hell, I never wanted to love anyone. If I have learned anything in this life that I've been given, it's that love always hurts. Why would anyone want that? This really sucks, you know? Maybe it was only a fun game for him, and the pleasure was gone once the conquest was made. Did he feel trapped once I told him how much I loved him...how much I needed him? Was it too much for him to take? "

Emmett was shocked at the words tumbling from the mouth of his friend. He supposed that it was the booze that had Brian revealing so much, things that he normally would not have told a living soul. He decided to just listen quietly, waiting for anything that would give a hint of how to get the two star crossed lovers together on Friday night.

As Brian continued to babble, it seemed he had almost forgotten that anyone else was there, except maybe the object of his heart's desire.  "You are the only place I feel safe, Justin.  It is worth loving you just to feel  that. But now I can't figure out how to live without it, without you. I need you"

Emmett stroked his hair as he lay with his head in his lap. Thinking Brian is asleep, he says "if you only knew - he can't live without you either - that tape Daphne made of your voice is the only thing that gets him through the nights - and whatever he is protecting you from gets him through the days. "

"What? What did you say?" Brian asks, startled, wondering if he actually heard what he thought he heard. "Oh, nothing baby, I didn't say a word. I have to run. Let's get you into bed so you can sleep this off - you'll feel right as rain in the morning."  Emmett quickly maneuvered his friend up the stairs, out of his clothes (oh, if only he could know what it could feel like to have Brian ram that delicious cock into him just one time) and under the covers. As he left, he said a silent prayer that Brian would not remember what he had said in the morning, he knew he was not supposed to mention any of that.

Wednesday morning

Brian was late getting into work. He woke up feeling like he had been hit by a train. He tried to put together the thoughts that were running rampant through his head. What was it that Emmett had said to him? He couldn't put a finger on what was real, and what was just an illusion caused by the great magician, Jim Beam.  He would have to think about all that later. Right now, he decided to step out for lunch, and then really put his nose to the grindstone when he got back. If he didn't get some work done, he wouldn't have a job either, and then he would have lost everything in his world that was ever important to him.

He walked down the street, and was both shocked and dismayed to see a curly headed man walking towards him, head down, his attention riveted on the arts newspaper he was reading.

As the distance closed between them, Ethan looked up, and Brian caught the look that passed over his face before he could check himself and force his features to smooth over. Was that pity he saw? What the fuck was that. You sleep with my partner, the man that I love more than anything, and you pity me? I don't think so.

As Brian tried to avoid him, though, Ethan spoke up, and what he said was startling. "Hey man, I can't believe he did that to you. I'm glad I got out though. I thought when he called me we had something going, but I left right after you ran out. If that's how he shows his love, we're both better off getting out when we did, right?"

"Love," Brian asked incredulously. "Yeah," Ethan shot back. ‘He broke down in tears as soon as you stepped out the door. All he could say was  - ‘my life just walked out that door, and now nothing else really matters'."

"What the fuck, Justin? So, you really did throw me off my own cliff, but why? What's going on in that head of yours?"

 

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Justins POV

Justin wonders to himself if Michael asked for his help just so he could pump him for information. If he mentions that name just one more time, the blonde thinks that he may just explode. It is taking every ounce of his strength to just get through the days without the man he thought he would be spending the rest of his life with. It is killing him to hear the name over and over - and he stops and turns toward Mikey. "Did you call me over to get this job done, or to drive me crazy talking about Brian all morning?"

"Well, excuse me,  " Michael whined, "I didn't know it bothered you. Didn't you tell me you two were through?"

Justin just rolled his eyes and opened the next box of comic books. There was no way to respond to that without giving himself away.

The two men finish the job in silence, and Justin left without knowing how frustrated Michael was not having gotten even a hint from Justin about what is going on between him and Brian.  

As Justin huffs down the street trying to regain control of his emotions, his cell phone rings, and he is both thrilled and relived to see that it is Emmett on the other end. Besides Daphne, Emmett is the only other person he knows he can trust. Most folks joke about the loose lipped queen, but truth be told, he knew that Em wouldn't betray a confidence for anything, when he had been asked not to. Their friendship had grown over the last few months, and while it was a fact that few loved a gossip fest more than Em, it was also true that he was loyal and protective of those he loved. Justin knew he could always count on his friend.

"Hey baby," Emmett squealed as Justin picked up. "I have missed getting together with you. I'm booked right through over the next few days, but maybe we can get together at Babylon on Friday night."

"I can't go to Babylon, for so many reasons, Em. I kind of have a problem in big crowds since my bashing, and the possibility of running into the gang just makes a panic attack even more likely. Besides, I...uh...what if Brian happens to be there?"

"Well, sweetie, I'll be right there with you, so you don't have to worry about it. I won't miss a beat, and if it looks like you need a break, we'll just take a little walk outside to get your bearings back. And, as far as the high and mighty Mr. Kinney, why I don ‘t think anyone has seen him doing his usual thing at the clubs in quite a while."

Emmett winced as he said these last words, knowing that it was not a lie, but also that not mentioning that he knew Brian would be there was deceitful and devious, and hoped his friend would forgive him when it was all over. That is, if everything ended the way they all hoped. "You know you can talk to me, right? Anything you tell me will never leave my lips."

"I trust you Em," Justin replied, surprised to hear that Brian had not been tricking since they broke up. "It's just that I miss him so much, but you can't ever tell him I told you that. I haven't been sleeping, Daphne even has to play a tape to calm me down at night so I can rest at all. Only hearing his voice can help me. I don't know how I'll live the rest of my life loving Brian and never being able to be with him?"

 Emmett could hear that Justin had begun to cry as he poured his heart out, and he hoped once again that their plan was going to work. These two needed to find their way back to each other. Neither one could function without the other, like two parts of a cog and wheel, neither could make the thing turn without the other fit snugly in place within it.

"I know just what you need, " said his nellie bottom  friend.  "It won't change anything, but the thumpa thumpa at Babylon will at least keep you distracted for a little while. Nothing makes the world go away like going wild on the dance floor! Say you'll come, please, for me?"

Justin tried to smile, but couldn't quite get his face to join the effort. "Ok, for you. But just for a little bit. I'll meet you there on Friday night." Emmett smiles as he hung up the phone. One hurdle crossed, he said to himself. Now for Mikey to get his assignment to be there as well.  

As Justin turned to walk into Daphne's apartment, he was shaken to see Chris sitting on the steps outside.  He stopped abruptly, not knowing whether to punch the daylights out of him, or turn on a dime and get as far away from him as possible. He could feel his breath quicken, and not from anything that made that feeling worthwhile.

"What the fuck are you doing here. Did you come to finish what you started? I won't be such an easy target this time, Chris."

"Just please listen to me, Justin. I don't blame you if you want to kill me. I had no right to do what I did to you. Sure I was sore when you outed me to my friends, but I guess I kind of deserved it. I went  along with all the homophobic trash they were spouting, just to keep my own secret. "

"Then seeing you at the prom, well it was more than I could handle, their taunts and you looking...so amazing...with that guy staring into your eyes with such love. I know it's no excuse, but I hated you both at that moment. "

"Yeah, well," Justin replied. "I have heard all this from Daphne. You have no idea what you have done. The bat was bad enough, but I'll get full use of my hand back, and it will be like nothing ever happened. The real damage is inside, where no one can see, and no therapy in the world can reach."

"I know, Daphne told me that you were willing to give Brian up to keep him safe...from me. And, I have to admit that when she first told me, I was glad. I didn't really care about how much you hurt, or what he lost, because no one has ever loved me like that, and I don't think anyone ever will. That kind of thing only happens once in a great while, and not to guys like me. "

"So," Justin sighed, unable to keep his emotions from showing through his exhaustion, "why are you here? If you still want to hurt us, then go ahead and give it your best shot. I have nothing more to lose. Just, do whatever you want to me, but leave Brian alone. Please, don't do anything to hurt him any more than I already have."  Tears ran down Justin's face at just the thought of his lover being harmed.  

"Perhaps yesterday I still would have taken you up on that offer," Chris lamented, "and all I can say it I'm sorry. I know that will never be enough. But, up until my visit from Ethan yesterday morning, all I could think about was getting back at you, at him, at anyone but me. I put myself in this position. I didn't do anything to stop you when you were making me feel all those things, and you didn't know or care that I was even at the prom. None of this is your fault"

"When Ethan came to talk to me, trying to talk me into some lame plan of his, I could see how ridiculous I was being. He looked so pathetic, so immature, with his I'm gonna' get him for what he did to me nonsense, and it hit me like a ton of bricks - that's what I look like, too. "

"It sure made me stand up and pay attention, and as soon as I pointed it out to him, we both were able to see how stupid we were being, and stand back and laugh at ourselves. "

"Of course, I wasn't amused very long, because I saw my part in all you have lost, and I don't know how I will ever be able to make it up to you. I got the news this morning that my hearing will be early next week. My lawyer has advised me to plead guilty and throw myself on the mercy of the court, and I have decided to do that. I deserve whatever they give me. And, please thank your mom for the letter she wrote and gave to Daphne. When she read it to my lawyer, he said that it might really help. I can't believe anyone in your family would help me after all I've done. "

Justin sunk down to the pavement below him, his legs no longer able to support his weight. So many things were going through his mind all at the same time. Chris was sorry, his mom was helping him, he was asking for forgiveness. But most important of all...it was over, Brian was safe, his plan had worked.

Suddenly he began to sob, his whole body jerking with the force of it. Chris looked at him quizzically, not understanding his reaction, until he heard him almost whisper, "Oh Brian, can you ever forgive me? My god, will you ever forgive me?"

At that moment it all became clear to the other man, who replied in awe, "he will, if he knows how lucky he is...you really are completely in love with him, aren't you?"

 

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Jennifer's POV

Justin looked incredulously at his mother as she attempted to explain her letter, and why she felt compelled to write it. She didn't tell him about the deal that she had made with Chris, for fear that Justin would think Chris' apology and actions were not sincere, as she truly felt they were.

"I hope that you understand, Justin. I need to forgive him in order to move on. He seems truly sorry for what he's done, and I hope that you can find a way to forgive him, too."

"But mom, he was responsible for me losing everything, I can't paint for more than a few minutes at a time, I'm living with my someone who will always be special to me, but that I can never love the way she might want me to, and I've lost the one person who makes me happier than I ever thought I could be. How can I forgive that?"

"Because the alternative is to grow old, getting more and more bitter, and never able to open your heart to anyone again, not even Brian."

"Brian? He will never forgive me! Hell, I wouldn't forgive me, and I probably never will. I hurt him so badly mom, he may never get over it. He gave me what he has never offered another living being, his heart, open and bleeding, and he bared his soul to me. He spent his whole life believing that if he ever did that, it would be ripped out, and the pain would be unbearable. And...I proved him right."

"Justin Taylor, you have never been a quitter, and I have seen you perform miracles in Brian's life that no one but you ever had a chance to even attempt. He loves you. That has not changed. Yes, he's hurt, and you will have some...ok...a lot of mending to do. But he loves you, nonetheless, and with a kind of love that is forever. It is bigger than anything that has been done or said, and nothing can crush it. Now, you go out there and do what it is that you do to that man, and remind him that you love him, too."

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?" Justin exclaimed. "I don't know if he will even talk to me at this point. "

"That part is for you to figure out. No one knows that man like you do, and I have no doubt that you will figure out how to reach him. Your the only one who can.

 

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Emmett's POV

"Tell me, Em, why should I get Brian to Babylon to meet up with Justin after how badly he's hurt him? He fucking cheated on him, in his own bed!  Why should I encourage him to forget that, no less forgive him?"

"Because they need to find their way back to each other, or spend the rest of their lives wishing they could be whole again." Debbie overheard the conversation, and smacked her son on the back of the head, hard. "You just get him there, and do not tell him that the love of his life is going to be there. Then just leave the rest to Justin, he'll find a way to make him see, he always does."

Emmett smiled. He couldn't have said it better himself. He sighed, relieved. Mikey would now get Brian to the reunion, or face the wrath of Debbie, and he knew that none of them had the stamina to stand up against that.

"I sure hope that you are all right, Em, and that it doesn't come back to bite us in the ass, and not in a very fun and pleasurable way.  If Brian hasn't been able to gather more clues than I have, and put it all together in some way that makes sense to him, this may blow up in all of our faces."

Chapter End Notes:

TBC

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