Chapter 2- MAKE ME DO FOR LOVE WHAT I WOULD NOT DO
Present Day....
Brian and Justin walked back into the house after their therapy session, exhausted, emotionally drained, and even more silent than before they had left. What could they possibly have to say to each other? They didn't know what the other had divulged during their individual sessions. Their homework assignment was merely to talk and get to know each other the way they used to, but that seemed like a such a monumental task. How were they supposed to do that when their jobs were top secret but neither one of them knew that?
The quietness of the house was broken up by the ringing of Justin's cell phone. Brian looked at him as he checked the caller ID. Leaving the room in a hurry, Justin headed into the bedroom, pushing passed Brian as he made to answer the call. Brian shook his head, wondering if they were ever going to have the long-awaited conversation the therapist had advised.
Entering the bathroom and turning on the shower, Justin said, "Daphne, this isn't exactly a good time. Brian and I just got home."
"How did it go?" she asked genuinely curious about the outcome. She liked Justin's husband and liked the fact that her friend had settled down with someone.
"I guess it went okay, but that's not the reason you're calling is it?"
"No. Jennifer needs to see you. She said that you need to be in the office within the next hour."
"Fuck! I swear I need a vacation from this damn business."
"Well tough titty. No one told you to make yourself indispensable in your job, so suck it up and get your ass down here pronto so that I don't have to answer to her. She's your mother after all." He could hear the exasperation coming through loud and clear over the phone.
Justin shook his head while he stripped to make good use of the shower. His muscles were tense from the session and now with this new demand, it didn't lessen any. "Fine but tell her I'll be there in an hour and a half. I'm getting into the shower now since it seems to be my only luxury."
"Fine I'll tell her. And Justin... I really hope you and Brian can work things out between you. I seem to recall that we all told you marriage wouldn't be easy in your line of work, but I can't say that you two weren't meant for each other and neither can anyone else."
Justin resisted the tears that began to form in his eyes and cleared his throat before answering her. "I do too, Daph. Whether I want to admit it aloud or not, I love the asshole enough to at least try. The question is if he loves me enough to do the same. I guess time will tell that." He exhaled heavily. "I'll see you in a bit."
He disconnected the phone just before he stepped into the shower. As he stood in the midst of the jets which hit his body from every direction, Justin let his thoughts drift back to the wedding. It was everything he could have imagined and more. He and Brian had spared no expense, deciding that if they were going to do it they would do it right since it was the only one they each would ever have. His mom had "given him away" as a joke and he'd met Brian's surrogate mother, Debbie that day. Brian was as handsome as ever in his black Armani; Justin also clad in black. It was a running joke that Justin would NOT be the wife in their relationship even though Justin did all the traditional things to take care of Brian. The house they lived in was the same one Brian had given to him as a wedding present, the one where they shared their lives, such as they were. But now it felt like a weight around their necks. He wondered if every couple went through this period of non-communication, and instead of fighting through it, was it the reason so many ended in divorce. Was that where he and Brian were headed and if so, what would his life be like without his husband.
He stepped out of the shower, taking a moment to dry off before wrapping the towel around himself and re-entering the bedroom. Brian was waiting for him when he emerged.
"Let me guess. The office called and you just HAVE to go in," Brian said, the sneer evident in his voice.
"Yeah," Justin answered, looking briefly at his husband before turning his attention to his wardrobe. He pulled down a light blue pinstripe shirt and grabbed one of the many pairs of khakis hanging up followed by the opening of drawers to grab a pair of underwear, socks and a t-shirt. All this while deliberately keeping his back to Brian and the look he knew was there on his face.
"I had hoped..." he heard Brian say.
"What?"
Brian cleared his throat. "I had hoped that we could start on the homework assignment."
Justin laughed without humor. "You want to talk? Really? I would think that you've enjoyed the silence, Brian." He looked over his shoulder at his husband almost daring him to refute the claim.
"Justin... I..."
Justin once again fought the urge to shed another tear. He swallowed hard before he finished dressing, donned his All-Stars and exited the wardrobe. As he was about to head to the bedroom door to make his escape, Brian entered his path. He looked up into the hazel eyes he'd come to know so well, reading the sadness in them. Justin placed a hand on Brian's chest, hoping that whatever he felt-- the sadness, confusion, and love-- conveyed themselves to the man who he couldn't speak to in that moment. What was once so easy between them was now the most difficult thing in the world and neither knew how to perceive that. Brian bent his head and captured Justin's lips. The kiss was brief but it spoke volumes and let Justin know that he wasn't alone in what he was feeling.
Justin detached himself before the exchange could heat up. They'd never had a problem with sex...EVER... but this new change between them couldn't be fixed with fucking themselves into oblivion. He wished with all his heart that it could. So stepping back from the warmth of Brian's body that he craved, he said, "I'll be back by seven." And stepping around the man he loved, left the room before he made the terrible mistake of talking.
Brian watched Justin's departure, feeling the loss more acutely than he had when he'd woken up that morning. Basically Brian was a fixer-- able to read problems, work through them and solve them with a quickness-- but he couldn't fix whatever was broken between he and Justin. He didn't know what IT was. They were just so fucking different and yet they were the same people. They were both strong, stable men individually, and almost indestructible as a couple to the outside world. But they were imploding and Brian couldn't determine a way to stop it.
Admittedly, they hid themselves within their work. Justin still traveled for his shows plus he had JT Design company, which specialized in re-designing logos worldwide for companies, and of course the graphic design and manufacturing of video games. For Brian it was all about Kinnetik, both the company itself and now the consulting business. But then there was Brian's ‘other' business too, which kept him gone sometimes for days at a time. He wasn't always accessible to Justin but neither was Justin to him. It was the dynamic of their relationship, and had been from the beginning. Now Brian was beginning to wonder if it was all worth it and if he'd done more harm than good. Sure he thought many times of quitting the ‘business' but Debbie would always unknowingly do something or hand him some assignment that would change his mind. And if he were honest with himself, the thrill of it all was addictive; almost as addictive as Justin-- as being married to Justin. Or at least that's how it had been up until recently.
He'd even found himself thinking that Justin was having an affair. Sure they had an open-relationship, BUT that was a one-time-hit-it-and-quit-it kind of thing; enough to satisfy a need if the other weren't around. Affairs of the heart were different and although Justin hadn't given him a reason to doubt him physically, emotionally and mentally his husband was withdrawing into himself and Brian wasn't sure how to take that. Was there someone else? Was there someone who had that power over him to take him from me? Brian couldn't stop the idea from forming in his mind but could he really blame Justin? Their phone calls when they were away from each other had dwindled down to once every two days, if that, so could he really blame his husband if he'd found someone new?
Brian decided that although he wasn't due to go into the office, having taken the whole day off to spend with Justin, he would go in anyway. He needed something to do since Justin couldn't wait to be away from him. He would go into Kinnetik, sign some documents that required his attention and see what Debbie had for him to do. Hopefully it would be a quick job to take his mind off his personal life and he'd be back to the house by seven.
That was another thing...the house. More than just brick and mortar, it was a symbol of a life built, lives shared-- it used to be a home. And Brian was afraid that it would never be again.
Justin arrived at the building known as JT Designs, stomping his way to his office. Petulance poured from him even as he threw himself into the high-backed office chair behind his desk. Daphne came in with his coffee and a stack of papers ready for him to sign.
"You have messages that need to be attended to," she began right away, disregarding the frown on his face. Being best friends with Justin for all their lives and working with him for close to ten years gave her an edge on how to deal with him. "Also, you need to take another look at the fax machine behind you. I think that perhaps it will give you some indication of why Jennifer wants to speak with you so badly."
"Gee, thanks. It's nice to see you too. How was your morning, Justin? It was fucking fine, Daphne. Thanks for asking," Justin said sneering as he went about displaying what he thought would have been considered good manners."
Daphne slammed the remaining papers on his desk which brought his eyes up to meet hers. She gritted her teeth as she began speaking. "Look Justin, I know whatever you're going through is tough, but in this office... right here and right now, I don't give a flying fuck. You're at work. Do what it is you're PAID top-dollar to do. I'm sure you and Brian will be FINE, but that doesn't give YOU the right to speak to ME any old kind of way. We may be friends, but there is STILL a line and you're about to cross it. I can kill too, remember?"
Justin backed away from her, never hearing her as angry in their lives as he just did. "I'm sorry, Daph. I know it's not your fault. I just..."
She softened her tone, her heart going out to him. "Sorry is bullshit Jus, as Brian always says. You needed someone or something to blow up at; I get it. But look, have a little faith." She put her hand up to forestall his comment. "I know it's easier said than done, but it's all you've got right now if you're going to keep your marriage together. Faith, time, and work is what it's going to take. You just have to decide if you're willing to accept the responsibility of all the three because if you're not then it's better to divorce now and go about your merry ways. But, if it's worth fighting for, then shut the fuck up, stop throwing tantrums and solve the damn problem between you. Now let's get to work."
Taking all of Daphne's words into consideration, Justin hunkered in and returned all the phone calls within the first two hours. He'd put off calling his mom as long as he could but found there was no need to... since she entered his office.
"I expected your call awhile ago especially since I am late," she said by way of greeting.
"Sorry about that. As you can see from this stack of contracts, I've been busy," he said without looking up. "What was so important anyway?"
She looked at the stack of papers before him, while blowing out an exasperated breath. Although she also had a cover business, in her mind there wasn't a need for Justin to have one. She made enough money as a hotelier to cover both hers and Justin's expenses without his husband being none the wiser. It never occurred to her that Justin LIKED having his own money and means or that he actually enjoyed what he did away from the ‘family business'.
"There's a new contract hit that's up for grabs, Son. And I won't lie to you; I want it."
Justin raised his eyes then. He noticed the sparkle within hers and wondered, not for the first time, why she chose this life. "What's so special about this contract? We've made quite a bit of money providing our ‘special' services over the years. We can afford to let this one go."
"But I don't want to." Taking a seat and settling herself for the ensuing conversation, she spoke again. "Let me tell you about it. The account is an ongoing one, valued at forty-five million dollars AND it's still government funded."
"I'm listening." Justin leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers.
"It's for taking out terrorists, Justin. I know we've been doing what we do for homeland security but now we'll be expanding into International waters."
"Isn't that what the Armed Forces are for?" Justin raised himself out of his chair to walk over to the windows.
All he could think about in that moment was what it would mean for his marriage to Brian. Accepting this contract-- or more accurately winning it-- would mean more time away, more secrets and lies... more of EVERYTHING that was already causing his marriage to implode on itself.
"I know what you're thinking Justin..."
"Do you, mother? Have you added clairvoyance to your many list of talents?" he asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice.
She ignored it wishing that he would hear her out. "Brian will be fine if you're gone for a few months."
"No, mother, he won't be. Do you even realize what this business has done to my life, to my marriage? We barely speak as it is."
"Well then, that's all the more reason to end it, Sweetheart," she crooned. "When you and he decided to get married, you both knew that Kinnetik and JT Designs were bound to put a weight on your union. Both of you were on an upward mobility toward success. Debbie and I both talked about this at the wedding and thought that by now you both would have seen reason and divorced long since."
"Seen reason?" Justin echoed his mother's words disbelieving of how ‘reasonable' she sounded. She made it sound as simple and as unimportant as picking out a new suit or gun. "Brian and I aren't divorcing."
"I think you might change your mind when you find out what I have discovered about him," she hinted.
"What? What have you found out? Is there someone else? Mother, you have to tell me," Justin yelled causing Jennifer to jump in her seat a little.
She'd never heard such anger and desperation in Justin's voice before. Although Justin could always be emotional, it had been many years since those particular unnecessary evils--as Jennifer was prone to call them-- had been channeled in the forms of violent outbursts and undue displays of his explosive temper. At that moment, Justin was teetering dangerously on the brink of rage and she needed to calm it before he ravaged his office and drew any more attention to himself. They were still WASPs...even if they were also killers. "Calm down, Justin," she said with every ounce of authority she could muster in her voice.
The haughtiness in her voice gave Justin pause as he narrowed his eyes at her. "Calm down? What the fuck do you mean, I should ‘calm down?' My marriage is on the rocks because I have been too fucking calm."
"Well there is a simple solution to it all, Justin, one I think you may agree with as being better in the long run."
Justin scoffed. "Do tell, mother. What can possibly be a solution to my problem, that I can agree with, that doesn't involve me divorcing my husband, which is NOT going to happen in this life or the next. Regardless of our problems I know that I don't want that and neither does Brian."
Jennifer fluffed her hair back away from her face, adding a small smile at the end of the action. "Well you could always kill him."
Brian walked into his office immediately accosted by Cynthia.
"Hey boss. I thought you weren't coming in today."
Brian didn't stop moving toward his office even as he answered her unasked question. "I wasn't but I got bored. Justin had to go into work so I figured it was okay for me to do the same. Any messages?"
"Yeah. A few-- some which you will like and some you won't."
Brian scoffed, as he entered the elegant space. "Well, what the fuck else is new?" he placed his briefcase on the glass and chrome desk before turning to her. "Has Ted heard back from Remson about the contract yet? And I expect the full financial report from JT Designs on my desk pronto."
Cynthia looked puzzled. "Why Justin's company? We already received payment from him for the advertising. You know that."
"I do but I'm curious about the increase in profit," Brian shrugged. That wasn't the real reason but she didn't need to know that.
"Why not just ask him? It's not as if you two don't live together. You're married for fuck's sake. Unless.... Oh my God, you're not getting a divorce are you?"
Brian looked at Cynthia then. Although there were many who he was able to hide behind the mask of indifference with, his long-time assistant wasn't one of them. He sighed, feeling as if the weight of the world were on his strong shoulders. "No we're not getting a divorce, but we're not exactly speaking regularly these days. Business needs have taken a toll where it shouldn't have, and now..."
"Now? Brian what's going on between you?"
"Nothing. Everything. That's the problem. Nothing is out of the ordinary as far as I can put my finger on but there's something, Cyn...."
Before she had a chance to respond, the office intercom blared. Cynthia crossed over to answer it. "Yes, Janice?"
"Debbie is here to see Brian. Is he in?"
Cynthia looked at her boss for confirmation. At his affirmative nod, she spoke back into the intercom. "Send her in." She turned back to Brian then. "Are you sure you're up for this today?"
Brian gave her a small smile along with a snarky comment. "When am I ever NOT up for anything?"
Cynthia smiled but she wasn't buying it. "You know what I mean, Brian. I'm just worried about you two."
"I know, Cyn. Me too but it's his decision where he wants to be. I can't and won't influence that for him."
"But you know he loves you, don't you?"
"There's a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. You already know that. I just have to decide how to take it once he figures that out."
"Once who figures out what?" came the boisterous voice from the doorway leading in from the hall.
Brian smiled at the redhead standing there with a puzzled look on her face. "It's nothing, Deb." He crossed over to her, giving her a kiss on her forehead. "How are things?"
"They are good. I heard from Michael today."
"Oh...that's good. How are he and David doing?" Brian asked respectfully.
He really didn't care how his childhood friend was doing but he knew it was polite to ask. Michael Novotny had found fucking ‘Paradise Lost' when he agreed to move in and away with Dr. David Cameron. It was honestly the best thing for all involved, considering the business they were in. Michael wouldn't have been able to keep the secret and hiding it from him and his inherent nosiness had not been easy.
"They're good. From what I understand they are adopting a puppy, and David's son, Hank, is living with them full-time now. So technically, I have a grandson." Debbie said, not at all happy with the last part of the sentence. As far as she was concerned, Hank Cameron was an entitled little shit who thought he was better than everyone, including her son.
"Well I wish Michael much success and happiness. He's finally gotten the family he'd always wanted." Brian winced at the last part of his sentence but Debbie waved him off.
"It's no big deal, Brian. Considering my lifestyle as head of the organization, and my life as a hitwoman, it's good that he's found peace. This was a part of my life that I could never share with him, you know that."
Brian nodded and decided to change the subject. "So what brings you by today? A quick job across town?"
"Debbie can I get you some coffee or anything?" Cynthia asked. She knew for Debbie to make a trip down to the Kinnetik offices there was something afoot and it was big. The queen never left her throne without a good reason.
"I'll take a coffee, Cynthia. You know how I like it but I also need a little time with Brian alone."
Cynthia nodded. "I figured as much. Would you like me to bring your coffee before or after you talk with Brian?"
"After, Cyn, since I have a feeling I'm going to need the pick me up after this conversation." Debbie smiled at the young woman. She always liked Cynthia-- a woman as serious and loving of Brian as she herself was. Between the two of them, they kept the tall domineering brunet's head on straight.
Brian watched as Cynthia closed the door behind herself and resettled himself in his chair. Silence reigned in the office as he watched Debbie get her thoughts together. After a time of watching her fidget-- something Debbie was not known for-- Brian gave up the pretense of patience and got to the point. "What is it this time?"
It was what Debbie needed apparently to get her talking. "There's a contract up for grabs that will expand us internationally, Brian. The contract is still funded by the government BUT..."
"But?" Brian had a sinking feeling that he wasn't going to like what was coming. He was right.
"It's worth forty-five million. There's another faction making a play for the contract as well."
"Okay. So what does this have to do with me?"
"The other company also contains one of the best in the business, Brian. There are only two of you at the top, so that means ONE of you will have to go in order for us to win this contract."
"And? Killing the competition has never been a problem for me, Debbie."
Debbie worried her lower lip, trying to figure out a way to say what she had to without seeming cold or indifferent to the decision Brian would have to make. "Ordinarily, I would agree with you, Son, but this is a delicate matter-- one I'm not so sure you're prepared to deal with."
"If you're talking about Justin, I'm pretty sure that we could use the time away from each other. We're.. we are... having a miscommunication issue. Well it's more like a non-communication issue lately. His work with JT Designs and my work with Kinnetik and ‘the Company' are putting a strain where there shouldn't be one."
Debbie closed her eyes. He doesn't know. After all these fucking years, he doesn't KNOW! And I... "Brian, there is more to the situation with Justin than you think, know, or will be able to understand."
"What the hell are you talking about, Debbie?" Brian rose briskly out of his chair, almost knocking it down. Pouring himself a much needed glass of Beam he continued. "Are you saying I don't know my own fucking husband? That he's having a fucking affair on me?" Brian gave voice to the fear that had been riding him since they left the therapist that afternoon.
Debbie looked at him torn between amusement at his thought and despair at having to reveal the truth. She took a deep cleansing breath before plowing ahead. "Your husband is NOT cheating on you Brian unless it's with his job. But the same could be said of you since you're both in the same line of work."
"No we aren't. He works as a Graphic Designer and Artist while I own and operate one of the most successful Advertising Agencies in the country and am a contract killer."
"So is he," Debbie said, her voice almost a whisper.
Justin stared at his mother in real fucking shock. "Did you just say that I should kill my husband? Mother, are you crazy? What kind of drugs have you been taking? Perhaps you've been in the business too long and have lost your grip on reality. There's NO WAY I'm killing Brian!"
"But you have to, Sweetheart. First, he's been lying to you for the last eight years..."
"And I've been lying to him," Justin countered."
"Darling, that's different. In addition to that, I know he's fucked other people."
"So have I... for the job... We have an open-marriage for this purpose especially since we've had to be apart months at a time. An affair involves emotions; fucking doesn't. Next..." Justin said agitated that she would even bring THAT up. It bothered him sometimes but not enough to be unfair to Brian or himself.
"Well I mean...really, Justin, what's the big deal? I killed your father and couldn't have been happier with how that turned out."
Justin closed his eyes, shaking his head at how matter-of-fact his mother was, talking about having shot Craig Taylor right between the eyes while having sex with him. The image of her shooting him he could stomach but the rest....EWW... "Look Mom, you killing Craig was a whole different set of circumstances. I happen to LOVE my husband VERY much. Yes, things are difficult right now but...I mean...they'll get better right?" He said the last more for himself than her benefit.
"Well, Sweetheart, I should warn you that there's a very small window here. Either you get him to back down or.."
"Or what, mom? You'll turn me into a widower?"
Jennifer smiled but her eyes were cold. "That's exactly what I'm saying Justin. I told you when you got married that if it EVER came down to a choice between love and loyalty to the business, loyalty should be your top priority. True, none of us could have seen this coming but now that it's here, you have to honor your assurances that nothing would get in the way of business and that includes your marriage." She picked up her purse and began heading out of the door to his office. "You have a week, Justin. After that, I handle this my way."
Justin sat down heavily in his chair, emotionally exhausted once again, but it was so much worse. This time, not only was his marriage riding on his decision but also their lives. He'd wondered earlier how he would live without Brian...and now it looked like he was about to find out.
Brian stopped short, unsure if he heard her aright. "What did you just say, Deb?"
Debbie cleared her throat and said strongly, "So is he. Justin Taylor, otherwise known as Justin Kinney, is on the same level when it comes to dispatching undesirables as you are. Do you remember the Johnson and also the Stockwell jobs eight years ago."
Brian nodded still in shock. "Yeah. The body count at Harrington Johnson's house party gone wrong was twenty-three dead. Stockwell was offed the same night as I did the Hobbs job and there were eight dead including Christopher Hobbs. Are you telling me that..."
"Justin was the hitman for all of them."
Brian exploded. "What the FUCK?! I married a FUCKING KILLER?"
Debbie snickered. "So DID he."
Any other time, Brian would have found the irony humorous but not just then. "I'll kill him," he said darkly.
Debbie perked right up. "That's exactly what you will do, Brian."
Brian shook his head. "I meant that figuratively. There's no fucking way I can... Oh my God, are you fucking NUTS? There's NO WAY I'm killing Justin."
"Well you may NOT have a choice, unless you can get him to see reason and back off the contract. Although, from what I know about his boss that may be impossible. Jennifer Taylor is NOT a woman one would want to cross."
"The hell you say, "Brian gasped. "My mother-in-law is a fucking contract killer too?!"
"She was my competition back when I was doing jobs many years ago although I didn't know it. I doubt she knew either since our code names were about as far from our real names as one could get," Debbie said lost momentarily in her memories of the good old days. "Listen Kiddo, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but I've already spoken to the client and unless we can rid ourselves of the Taylor faction in a week, this contract is going to go bye-bye. I'm not about to let that happen."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Deb?"
"It means that you have six days to convince your ‘loving' husband to get his mom to reconsider and let us have the contract. If you can't or are unwilling to contain the threat yourself, I'll send someone without the emotional ties to get the job done."
"But you love Justin, Deb. Why would you want me to kill him or have anyone else do it for that matter?" Brian was angry and hurt at listening to Deb speak so matter-of-factly at the thought of killing, who he thought of--up until that moment-- as his innocent husband.
Debbie shook her head sadly. " Oh Brian, honey, when will you ever learn? Love has no place in business, this or any other, but especially THIS one." And with that parting comment, Debbie left Brian's office leaving him to ponder his big decision.