He saw him again. 

It was a fine Friday morning and he was rooted to the ground, because he saw him again. 

He was outside the Starbucks, frozen to his feet, feeling as if everything had just disappeared except for him and the guy behind the counter. 

His reaction didn't surprise him anymore. It was always the same whenever he saw him, and their paths had crossed a few times now since he first laid eyes on the guy.

This time, he was talking to the customer while ringing her bills. He was all smiles, so unthreatening and warm, charming the lady without even trying. 

So, he was working in this side of town. One knowledge that he knew would be so valuable, if not for now, maybe for later on. 

Well, it would definitely be later on, as he was still immovable and gaping like a pathetic voyeur.

He wanted to get inside the Starbucks, and not only to get himself a cup of a much needed caffeine, but to also approach the guy behind the counter, who had this beautiful smile that made his heart skipped a beat.

But, just like all the other times, he couldn't find that courage to approach him. He would always freeze, his chest started hammering, making him retract his steps and behaved like a pathetic loser.

The first time he realized this reactions had left him surprisingly breathless. This kind of reactions toward another human were so new to him, so foreign, in fact he hadn't felt like this way with anyone before. 

He desperately wanted to step inside the coffee shop and come face to face with the guy. He wanted to personally know him, but he knew he couldn't do it at that moment unless he wanted to be perceived as a complete wuss.

He couldn't explain it, but whenever he'd see him, he'd feel so light headed. He felt like he knew he had to do something, but for the life of him, he didn't have a clue of what it would be. It was as if, there was something niggling at the back of his brain but couldn't point his finger on it. It puzzled him a lot, that for a stranger, the guy could actually elicit this strong feelings from him.

He first saw the blond guy exactly three weeks ago. He was from a dinner with client in a fancy restaurant near the local community college, which was a bit far from his usual hangout, the Liberty avenue. He was parked in front of the restaurant, where he sat for few minutes to smoke a cigarette. 

He was actually still feeling high from his successful meeting with the marketing head of SkyBlue apparel, a huge clothing line that had more than a couple dozens of chain stores in the east. He was somewhat trying to sink in his head the fact that he was about to bag this huge deal. He wanted to bask in the moment before starting the ignition and go home.

His client was long gone and his cigarette was almost finished to its butt, when his eyes landed on a small cafe house on the other side of the street. His eyes were caught by the guy sitting on a chair just outside the cafe. It was in early September and the weather was still warm enough to enjoy sitting out in an evening air.

The guy was leafing through a book, and for some reasons, Brian found it so fascinating. The way the guy's fingers touching the pages, his forehead creasing in concentration, he was mesmerized. The calming effect of the scene had him feeling a little bit of… home.

He must've gone crazy because he was sure that he hadn't seen the guy in his entire life, but there was something in his head that kept pushing through his consciousness, he wasn't sure what it was though.

He sat staring at the guy, who stayed unaware that he was being stared at, for nearly an hour. If it wasn't for the blond leaving the place, he knew he'd stay for hours and hours just wanting to feel that calmness of watching the guy’s beautiful face had made him. 

It was creepy, he knew that. He'd creep out himself if he knew someone was staring at him from afar. A guy who was a stranger but felt a strong connection to him. Yeah, he'd be running away from a creep like that.

What was more crazier, was when he contemplated to follow the guy home. He was considering his options and lost focus for a bit, and when he looked up, he saw that he was nowhere to be found. 

Brian was mentally berating himself as he drove along the street where he knew the blond guy had possibly taken, but he couldn't see him anywhere.

He finally drove home, feeling defeated and unsettled. He was sure he was going crazy when he couldn't sleep the whole fucking night. The guy's face had kept on playing in his head over and over again.

His body caught up with the exhaustion just before the sunrise and he had overslept until noon. Good thing it was Saturday and he could afford to just laze around his place.

As soon as he woke up, his thoughts went back to the guy he saw the other night. And just like that, his chest was racing so fast.

The whole afternoon was spent trying to make sense of what was happening to him. Nothing could explain the intensity that it brought within him, and yet the connection was there, unmistakably speared right through him.

He gave up dissecting when he felt an headache was starting to form. Instead, he decided to do something than just lying around and thinking about the blond enigma. In a flash, he was dressed and was on his way to the cafe house just minutes before six in the evening.

He parked at the opposite side of Romeo's, just like what he did the other night and waited patiently for the familiar blond head to appear, but the guy didn't come. He waited for couple of hours, he even went inside the cafe house at one point to have dinner, but still the guy didn't show up.

Brian was still restless that night, and he decided to go again the next evening, but he still didn't see the guy. 

The next week was a busy week for him, he was swamped with meetings and presentations, but the guy was still invading his consciousness. Brian was becoming a little antsy.

He returned to Romeo's every evening after his work for that week. He made sure to be out of his office at six and he'd go directly to the cafe house, even taking his dinner there.

Michael, his friend, was starting to question his whereabouts after a week of not going home like he used to be. He told his nosey friend that he was busy acquiring new clients, reminding him about the added responsibilities of being a partner in a top advertising agency in Pittsburgh.

And of course, it wasn't a hundred percent true, because as much as he was really busy with his work, he couldn't stay passed six o'clock. 

He never saw the guy again, though, not for the ten evenings he spent camping outside Romeo's. But when he did, it was so unexpected he would see him so randomly, especially after his unsuccessful creepy stalking.

It was a Monday afternoon, and for once, he went to the mall to buy the new Coldplay CD and decided to eat at a Korean restaurant after. When he was leaning at the counter, he saw the blond guy walking outside the record store, sipping a large soda and dragging several take out bags on his arms.

Brian was a bit shocked and couldn't move for a while. It was hard for him to believe seeing the guy again after several days waiting at Romeo's. He was brought back from his trance by the girl behind the counter, tapping his arm, making him jump from the contact.

He quickly took his CD, waving to the girl to keep the change, and walked out the store in a rush. He walked so fast to the direction where the guy had taken, but his effort was for naught, he was already gone.

He continued to go to Romeo's in the evening without any success, but had to stop after his nosey friend found out he wasn't spending his late nights at the office like he told him he was. 

He could've said ‘fuck you’ and just go on with whatever he wanted to do, but he wasn't ready to divulge any of his recent activities either. Knowing his friend, it was just a matter of time before he'd learn what he was up to. He wouldn't hesitate to follow him if he thought he was hiding something.

It was honestly irritating when his friend got too involved about his private affairs, it was one of the things he couldn't quite get used to, but he knew he should. He owed his friend a lot, especially after what had happened to him, Michael had stayed on his side all the time. 

His friend, Michael, was the only constant thing that he had since his life had taken a turn. Even most of the time, he felt his friend had actually gone into excessive interference when it came to his life.

He might've stopped

 going to Romeo's, but it didn't mean he forgot about the blond guy, though. Oh no, it was far from that. Now, he was even invading his dreams. He actually couldn't remember the actual dreams itself, which saddened him a lot, but he could vividly recall the guy calling his name over and over again.

The next time he saw him, it was four days from the last one at the mall. It was Friday afternoon and he was on his way for another client meeting. He was stopping at the red light when Brian saw him standing at the bus stop nearby. He couldn't do anything though, except watching the blond who was invading his senses, as long as the traffic would let him.

Brian could perfectly see him from where he was, and he could swear he didn't even blink once. That was the first time he saw him a bit up close, and he seemed to glow on a broad daylight having the most perfect skin that he had ever seen. 

He jumped on his seat behind the steering wheel, when a loud, annoying honks from the cars behind him brought him back to reality, and that he needed to step on the gas pedal.

Brian was anxious to get to know this mysterious guy. He wanted to know his name, to know where he lived, or to hear how his voice sounded like. And for the first time that he could remember, this was the first time he wanted someone to know him, too. 

He also had this unexplainable urge to touch him, he didn't know why, he just felt like his hands were itching to touch the guy’s skin. Something was telling Brian that he would love the feel of the guy's soft skin on his fingertips.

He promised himself that he would do whatever he could to approach the blond the next time he saw him. He was afraid that he might not see him again if he'd pass yet another chance of meeting him. 

But when it happened the next Friday morning, he just couldn't do it. He felt nervous and shy all of a sudden, his palms were sweating profusely just thinking about approaching the guy behind the counter.

He didn't realize he was standing for so long, until a girl had accidentally bumped into him from behind. He must be creeping the people walking on the sidewalk, they might think he was nuts and called the attention of this beautiful blond. 

But he couldn't seem to stop looking through the Starbucks’ glass walls, his eyes transfixed to the guy that made his heart jumping all over his chest. He was going mad.

After a half hearted apology to the girl, he decided that he couldn't face the guy, not at that moment at least. And so, he turned around and walked back to his car and drove the long way to downtown Pittsburgh, to the restaurant that he was supposed to meet the clients.

That same early morning, he got a call from his business partner having a crisis in his home. Unfortunately, he had a breakfast meeting with some people of Wyx Sports industry that he couldn't get out of. They were one of their biggest clients and they were discussing the preliminaries of their upcoming holiday season campaign.

His British business partner had personally taken the account but Brian was present for both staff meetings in creating this massive campaign. Gardner, his partner, was supposed to be going with their art director, Murphy. 

It wasn't a problem for him, Brian could have gone directly to the meeting place but Gardner had the files at his house which was located at the other side of town. So, he drove for almost thirty minutes to the suburban residents that he somehow felt a little familiar, yet he knew it was his first time to go there.

After taking the important papers, having some words and instructions from his business partner, he was on his way to the restaurant. Checking his watch, he confirmed he had a bit time to get coffee before going to meet the clients. 

He stopped at the first Starbucks he had seen, it was only three blocks away from the community college. The cafe house, Romeo's, the one he used to stalk the blond guy, was just two blocks away. 

Then, unexpectedly, he saw the only person that he desperately wanted to see and meet.

But he lost that chance again.

He was berating himself as he drove away for being a coward. It was his chance seeing the guy so close, the perfect opportunity to meet him, to talk to him, but he just had to chicken out. 

It wasn't as if the guy knew he had been thinking about him, or he had this effect on Brian, in which a sight of him would make his chest pounding so hard. He bet the blond didn't even know that he existed. 

Well, at least, he knew where he was working now.

It took him two days more to have the courage to go back to the Starbucks again. He was so nervous that he even hope the guy wasn't working that time. But when he arrived and took a peek inside the shop, blondie was there, smiling so widely to an old lady in front of him.

He took a deep breath and wiped his sweaty palms on his faded jeans before taking his first step inside the establishment. It was ten o'clock on Sunday morning and was obviously full of people who were in dire need of a loaded caffeine. 

He was kind of thankful for that though, because he could at least find his bearings while hiding at the back of the line without getting much unnecessary attention to himself.

He was really nervous and at the same time excited to finally be up close to the guy that literally made him crazy and reduced himself to a teenager with hormonal overload. With all the butterflies floating in his stomach, there was no better explanation.

When it was only one person in front of him, he contemplated fleeing the place and just fucked it all. He was a ball of nerves and was already bouncing in his feet. He was so terrified of embarrassing himself in front of the guy. God, what an unforgettable first impression he would have given him if he dumbly stuttered from just ordering a coffee.

When it was his turn to place an order, the guy looked up at him with his usual smile that made his chest fluttering even more when it was directed at him. He saw the smiles faltered a little, and the blond was staring at him questioningly with his big blue eyes. Brian must've been drooling or looking so dumbly stupid that he creeped the guy out, wiping that beautiful smile on his face.

He decided then and there that he would do anything to bring that smile back on the blond’s lips. Given a chance, he’d always make a way for him to keep smiling.

He was staring, he knew that, so he cleared his throat and smiled shyly looking from under his eyelashes. He knew his face must be flushing, he couldn't stall anymore though, not if he wanted to risk being shouted by the person behind him.

“Hey, uh…” He glanced at the name on the guy’s nameplate. “...uh, Justin. One tall black coffee.” Then with an afterthought, he added, “Please.”

He saw the blond blinked for few times and shook his head a little as if to clear it. It got Brian worried though, it looked like he already fucked it up. But then, Justin’s lips curved into a smile, his usual big bright smile. He could swear, his surroundings just disappeared and he was floating in cloud 9.

“Sure. Uh, anything else you want to go with your coffee?” He asked smiling up at him. It somehow made him a bit comfortable.

“What can you recommend?” He smiled shyly.

“Oh, uh, well, I like the banana muffins. The blueberry is good, too.”

“Okay, uh, why don't you give me one of each.”

He could hear a groan of annoyance behind him, but he couldn't care less, he was feeling high, damn it.

“Okay, I'll bring it in just a while.” With a smile, the guy prepared his orders and came back with a cup and a brown bag. He put it in front of him and rang his bill.

“It's 11.85.” Justin said looking at Brian without blinking.

He fumbled with his wallet as he heard a louder, irritable groans, which he didn't really mind, instead he handed a 20 dollars bill to the smiling blond in front of him.

“Uh, keep the change, Justin.” He collected his food and looked up again, hesitating a little. “By the way, I'm Brian.”

“Thank you, Brian.” Justin smiled a little, eyes suddenly get a bit misty and Brian felt like something important was missing there. But of course, he didn't know what it would be, just like the missing big piece in his life.

On the bright side, he already went way beyond his expectations meeting the blond guy, Justin, so he didn't know what else he needed to do.

He nodded and smiled at Justin waving a little and mouthed, “Bye”.

Justin sweetly smiled back at him waving a little too, until the girl who was behind him snap her fingers on Justin's face.

He was walking to the door when he heard Justin uttering an apology, but Brian had to get out, he was feeling a little bit claustrophobic. But God, he did it. He was so elated and in awe of himself that he actually had gone through and talked to the guy.

When he was inside his truck, he carefully settled the hot liquid into the holder and saw his hands were actually shaking. Holy fucking shit, he had talked to the guy. Justin, yeah, his name was Justin, and he was the most beautiful man he had ever seen.

He looked so young and so radiant. He had this lovely smile that could melt your heart and so mesmerizing. He also loved the tone of his voice, it was deep and so masculine, that would make you wanted to talk to him for hours and hours. And his eyes, those big, crystal clear blue eyes, that could hypnotize you into submission. 

God, he had never felt like this before. He was both fascinated and terrified for this strong emotions that he had for this guy. It almost felt like he had been feeling like this for long time now. He knew he wanted to know Justin more, he knew he wanted more than just being acquaintances. 

The question was, how would he do that? It wasn't a good idea to stalk the guy, he could've scared him away that would make Justin stopped talking to him. He obviously needed a plan, a plan to befriend the blond. Well, he could always go back and get a coffee, couldn't he?

He decided to drive back to his loft and think of ways on how to proceed pursuing Justin after what happened today. But he couldn't deny the warmth he felt all over his chest.

He arrived at his loft still bouncing with energy, whistling as he unlocked his metal door. He made up his mind on the way from Starbucks, he'd go back there after couple of days. He'd buy a coffee, another muffin maybe, and just talked to Justin like he did that morning. Then he'd go from there. Hopefully, it would go somewhere where he envisioned them to be.

He threw his keys on the counter as he continued whistling. He was obviously in a happy mood.

“You seem to be in a great mood this morning.” A voice came over from his sofa that made him yelp and jumped out of his skin.

“Fuck, Mikey, are you trying to kill me from heart attack?” He annoyingly said walking to the sofa with his food in hands.

Michael suspiciously eyed him for a while, and Brian sat on the other end of his sofa.

“You went to Starbucks? Why didn't you tell me?” Michael looked at Brian with creasing forehead.

He let out a sigh and sipped from his cup, settling the brown bag on his lap.

“I don't need to tell you everything, do I?” He was a bit irritated. He just wanted to have a peaceful morning after what he had with Justin just half an hour before.

“Of course not. Though, we were so open before, Brian. We always tell each other everything. That's what I missed the most, you know. You never hide anything from me.” His friend said looking dejectedly.

“Sorry, Mikey. I didn't mean to snap. I just want to have some coffee, you know. I didn't think you'd like to go to Starbucks when you can have a hearty one at the diner.” He felt a bit guilty every time Michael looked so hurt because of him.

Michael smiled a little too sweetly and scooted over to him, looking up from under his lashes. Brian got goosebumps all of a sudden and inwardly groaned, thinking, ‘Here we go, again.’

“That's okay, babe, I understand. I just wished we are back to where we were before, you know. I really missed you so much, you know that.” He whispered in Brian’s ear, running his index finger on his thigh trying to be seductive.

Michael was about to kiss Brian’s neck, but before his lips landed on his skin, he jumped from his seat clutching onto his coffee and muffin bag tightly.

“Mikey, we talked about this.” Brian said with pointing stares.

Michael stood up and walked the few steps toward Brian. He was smirking a little as if he knew something that Brian was consciously hiding from him.

“Babe, I know we agreed to take a break but it's getting way too long. Do you think it's fair for us to deny ourselves when we know what we really feel? What we always feel. I missed you so much, Brian, and don't tell me you don't miss me, too. I know we are aching to be together again. It's already been two years and I know you missed making love to me as much as I'm missing it.”

Michael was already on Brian's personal space and started running his palms on his broad chest. Brian moved a step back but Michael just followed him.

“Mikey, please. Don't… I'm not--” he didn't get to finish what he was about to say when Michael stood on his tiptoes pulling Brian's head down smacking their lips together.

It ended after only few seconds when Brian pushed him on his chest a little too forcefully, accidentally pouring some of the warm black liquid onto Michael’s shirt. He flinched as he felt the the warm coffee touching his skin.

“The hell, Brian!” He shouted, taking some tissue to wipe his shirt. “Why are you insisting on fighting this? Why do you need to punish us when you know deep in your heart that you love me? I don't know what's stopping you, but you have to let it go, Brian. Why do you feel the need to suffer and be away from me? I really don't understand that. Isn't two years not enough time for you?”

Brian didn't move and was still clutching his coffee and the brown bag to his chest. He was really confused and conflicted with all of this. Yes, it's been two years, but he was still confused and so lost at that moment as he was back then.

“Babe, give us a chance, just another chance. You owe it to us to at least try and you'll see what I've been telling you for all this time. Let yourself feel me, love me and everything will come back to you. We've always been wonderful together, Brian. You and me, together forever, you promised me that. You said it will always be you and I, you told me that yourself before you forget everything!” Michael pleaded looking him straight in the eyes.

“Sorry, Michael but I need the space. I still need time. You might think this decision should come easy for me, but it's not!” He knew two years was way too long to ask someone to wait. It was way too long to think about your relationship while holding it on hiatus, but he just wasn't ready yet. 

He wasn't ready to finally tell Michael that he really didn't feel anything anymore. He honestly didn't know if he's ever going to feel anything for him again. As of now, what he knew, anything that he felt for Michael was only of that for a brother.

He was a bit mad at Michael too. His friend didn't know the word boundary when it bit him in the ass. He was trying his patience insisting and coming onto him when Brian clearly asked to give him time and space.

Michael's advances had actually bothered him more than he was letting on. It had gone out of control even from the first month since they talked about giving space. He always tried coming onto him whenever they were left alone.

“I'm not ready. Please, respect that.” He told him again, this time he softened his voice.

He might be mad for his insistence but he didn't have the heart to hurt Michael even more than he already had. Everything was fucked up since that fateful night two years ago, and he owed it to Michael and himself to be hundred percent sure before deciding anything that would forever change their lives.

What he was sure of at that moment, Michael wasn't the one who he was dying to kiss, who he was desperately wanted to be with. It was Justin, the beautiful blond barista at Starbucks who he had just met that morning. But as brief as their encounters were, he couldn't deny how the young man had elicited an undeniable longing within him. 

The feelings and longing that he supposed to have with Michael. Try as he might, there was really no comparison.

Yeah, it was crazy and complicated, and he was even more confounded than he ever was.

If he was with Michael for almost 9 years, like his friend said they were, why he couldn't feel anything for him? He tried, God knew he really tried, especially the first couple of months after his recuperation, but there was just nothing.

He wanted nothing more than to be liked what it used to be, or what Michael had told him they were used to be. Most of all, he wanted them to heal because he knew nothing was the same anymore.

But on the other hand, with Justin, it was the first time in his life--the ones he could actually remember-- to feel the want and need to try to be with someone else. With a twist of fate, it wasn't with someone he was supposed to be with. 

But the questions remained unanswered. Could he really hurt Michael? Could he hurt the one man who stood by him for all this time, whom he had a romantic relationship for 9 years? Was it worth to throw the 16 years of friendship for someone who made him ‘feel’ for the first time?

He really needed to think this through and he was procrastinating for two years.

Looking at Michael, he put his hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“Give me time, Mikey. I'll think about it, about us, okay? I'll call you.” He calmly whispered.

Michael’s pissed off expression was gone in split second. He smiled at Brian, reaching out to cup his jaw.

“I can't wait, babe. I know you will want us to be together.” He dreamily said. “Listen to your heart, Brian, okay?”

The excitement that radiated from Michael was palpable and it made Brian’s head ached even more.

What was happening to his life?