During her initial visit, Diane asked about everything from what we ate for dinner every night to how my grades were in school. In fact she was so thorough in her need to gather information, that I was surprised she didn’t ask me how often I shaved my balls. She also explained that my mom was being charged with obstruction of justice because of her unwillingness to “turn her back” on her husband. With most of the pieces of the puzzle in place, there was only one logical question to ask.
“What happens now Mrs. Harris?” I asked calmly
“Well Justin…” my grandmother started “You’re going to stay with me until this mess gets sorted out.”
To say I wasn’t thrilled by this little newsflash would be an understatement. I love my Grandma dearly but I couldn’t fathom spending an extended amount of time in her care. Diane tried to reassure me that it would only be a temporary arrangement, but needless to say here I am a year later waiting for my grandmother to start begging me to give my mother another chance.
“Justin you know your mom…” she says her face hidden by her newspaper.
“Grandma, I don’t want to see her. Now can we please not talk about this?” I retort as I get up from the table and head back to my room to get ready for school.
“She’s still your mother and she still loves you.” She calls after me but I don’t bother to respond.
As I began to get dressed I stood there staring at myself in the mirror asking how could my mother just allow my father to fuck up our lives like this? Why didn’t she fight for her freedom or for me for that matter? The fact that I cry myself to sleep every night feeling unwanted and ashamed is completely lost on her due to the fact that she is not around to see it. I had to accept the fact that she’d chosen to give up her rights and it hurt like hell. I closed my eyes to push back the tears that threatened to spill at the thought and recited the serenity prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
The serenity prayer was never a part of my life until I started attending ALATEEN. ALATEEN is like a twelve step program for the children of addicts and alcoholics. We meet in groups and share our feelings and explain how we came to be there in short….it’s pretty much boring shit. It’s funny what you become dependent on when you’re forced to participate in activities against your will.
At school my concentration level was for shit. My math teacher Mr. Rents issued numerous threats of detention, Mrs. Lauderdale had taken away my lunch hour, not to mention being smacked in the face by a badminton racket and knocked on my ass during gym class.
“Taylor, are you alright?” Mr. Watson asked as he helped me to my feet.
“Yeah, sure I just wasn’t paying very much attention I guess,” I chuckled as I rubbed both my sore ass and the bridge of my nose.
“Okay, I’ll go and get some ice for you.” He smiled, and it was at this precise moment that Daphne walked in and wanted to talk. I hadn’t really been communicating with her lately because I didn’t want to invite her to my fucking pity party.
“I don’t believe it…..it’s the infamous Justin Taylor, can I pleeeaasssee have your autograph.”
“Cut the shit Daph.”
“Okay I’ll get right to the point then, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!!!!” Ouch, one could always count on Daphne to have a fire up her ass when she was pissed off.
“I’ve just been dealing with a lot of shit lately Daph, it’s nothing personal.”
“Well how about coming over tonight and watching a movie with me, we can talk then.” Daphne stated.
“I can’t Daph, I’m sorry. I have to go to this fucking ALATEEN meeting tonight….can I take a rain check?” Although she wasn’t thrilled, she agreed that we would get together over the weekend to catch up and have that much needed talk. God I love that girl.
Later that evening, I avoided having to see my mother by having my youth advocate Cynthia Spannus come to get me early for my meeting. We made the short drive to St Thomas in companionable silence. Once we arrived, Cynthia parked the car and turned to me with a puzzled expression.
“I’ll be here to pick you up at 9:30 as usual but I have to ask you, why did you want to come so early?”
I couldn’t very well tell her I was using her to get away from my bitch of a mother, so I told a little white lie instead.
“I thought that Blake might need some help setting up.” I was relieved when she nodded in acceptance and with that, I exited the car and headed into the building. I walked down two flights of stairs to the room where our meeting was to be held. Upon approaching the doorway, I noticed Blake setting up the chairs and starting a pot of coffee but he wasn’t alone. He was with a tall brunet young man with from what I could see was a very nice body. He had the hottest ass I had ever seen and I really wanted to get a good look at his face. I stood rooted to the spot I was standing in and when he slowly turned around and faced me my breath caught in my throat.
‘My god he’s beautiful’ was the first thought that came to my mind. I must have been staring into his haunting hazel eyes for some time, because I didn’t even notice he was speaking to me.
“Hello….earth to blondie, I said can I help you?” I wanted to say hell yeah you can help me by bending me over the nearest surface and fucking me senseless. But as we were in a church, I kept my deviant thoughts to myself.
“Uh, no I’m here for the meeting. My name is Justin by the way.” I managed to say hoping that my nervousness wasn’t shining through.
“Nice to meet you Justin. I’m Brian, Brian Kinney.”
My body instantly responded just to the sound of his voice, and I knew right then and there that I was truly fucked. I also had the feeling that my ALATEEN meetings were about to get a whole lot more interesting than I originally thought.