“Yes, but why did I bring you here Brian?” I pushed to the edge of my seat watching him run a nervous hand through his hair and waiting to hear what he would say next.

“I’m here because I’m a 19 year old, unwanted, worthless piece of shit who my fucking wino parents could give two fucks about. There, does that make you feel better?”

After Brian’s little declaration, he immediately stormed out of the room determined to get as far away from the meeting as possible. The air was filled with hushed murmurs of confusion as to why the “newbie” would have such a strong reaction in answering what they felt was a simple question. The fact of the matter was that it was a question that every single person in the room answered week, after week. Blake stood in front of the group desperately trying to gain back some sense of control but made no move to bring Brian back, which I found pretty strange.

“Blake….aren’t you going to go after him?” I asked once a little order was returned to the room.

“He’ll come back when he’s ready Justin; he just needs a little time.” He’d said it like it was no big deal; well I couldn’t just sit there while Brian was off wondering the halls possibly doing God knows what to himself. If Blake wasn’t going to go after Brian, I was.

“Well you can stand there and act as unconcerned as you fucking like, but I’m going to go find him.” I left my seat and made my way to the door without looking back or responding to Blake calling my name in the distance.

After searching the halls for what seemed like hours (but was really only about ten minutes) without finding any trace of Brian, I resigned myself to the fact that not only had he left the meeting, he’d left the building entirely. I decided that a bit of fresh air would help me to think of what to do next. As I exited the front doors of the church, I didn’t notice Brian sitting on the second step and almost fell over him scaring the shit out of myself in the process.

“Hey Blondie,” he turned and smiled then quickly re-focused on whatever it was that had his attention before I arrived.

“You scared the shit out of me Brian,” I moved to sit in the empty space next to him trying to figure out how to diplomatically ask him about his little outburst in group. Even though I’d just met him, I knew that the direct approach would probably be best in handling the situation.

“So….do you want to talk about what happened back there?”

“I’m fine and besides there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Bullshit. A person doesn’t just spit out shit like that if there isn’t some meaning behind it,” I looked at him imploringly hoping that Brian could see he could trust me with his feelings. After a few moments of silence, Brian took a deep breath and began to talk.

“From the moment I was conceived my parents didn’t want me. In fact, when my father found out my mother was pregnant with me, he wanted her to get an abortion because he didn’t want another fucking kid. To him I was just another mouth he couldn’t afford to feed.”

So that’s why he felt like he was unwanted and worthless, apparently his father made no attempts to hide his contempt for having his life interrupted by having to become a family man. As Brian paused to collect himself and get his emotions in check, I gently placed my hand on thigh encouraging him to continue.

“Being the good catholic woman that she is abortion was not an option. My mother always drank a little too much; mostly to deal with the beatings my father dished out on a regular basis. Ironically enough, when my Dad was drinking the beatings where more frequent and my dear mother wasn’t the only victim.”

Holy shit! I figured Brian’s home life wasn’t all peaches and cream, but I never expected anything like this.

“Your Dad sounds like he’s as big an asshole as mine is,” I chuckled trying to ease the tension of the moment.  Brian moved closer practically whispering in my ear and asked softly “What makes him such an asshole?”  Finally, a question I didn’t mind answering.

“He’s a homophobic prick who started selling drugs to cover up the fact that his business was failing. He convinced my Mother who had absolutely no personal ties to his business, to basically fuck up her life and throw me away in the process.” I gave a sarcastic smile before adding “And now I live with my Grandma Annie under the watchful eye of the great state of Illinois.”

It was the first time I had spoken of or even thought about my father in months. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t talk about something so intimate and private with someone who was virtually a total stranger.  Oddly enough, Brian didn’t feel like a stranger to me, he felt comfortable and familiar like we’ve known each other for a lifetime. We continued to share our life experiences in between fits of laughter and moments of anger and sadness.

“You know Sunshine you’re very lucky,” he said completely out of the blue.

“Why is that?”

“At least you get to stay with family; I on the other hand live with a group of strangers.”

I was a little confused by his statement, because I was under the impression that he lived with his parents.  He further went on to explain that he was no longer under his parents care and had been living in Webster Cantrell Hall for the past two years.  Suddenly he pushed my hand away (which had been resting on his thigh the entire time) stood and lit a cigarette, taking a very healthy drag before exhaling the smoke and totally ignoring me. I couldn’t believe he was acting this way. I thought we were starting to build a friendship; or at least a mutual tolerance for one another. Brian noticed the puzzled look on my face as he continued to blow smoke rings over his head.

“What?” he said rather curtly

“What the fuck do you mean what? You’re acting like a jerk that’s what,” I said as I stood up to face him.

He quirked an eyebrow and started to laugh. What the hell? This was the second time tonight he’s laughed at me. I wasn’t going to just stand there and be treated like the butt of a bad joke, no matter how attracted to him I was.

“And what’s so funny now? Oh let me guess……I’m still fucking adorable when I’m trying to be indignant,” I mocked as I cautiously invaded his personal space. “Well fuck you. I thought we were becoming friends, at the very least good acquaintances.”

Brian looked at me, his face expressionless and scoffed “You dreamy -eyed school boy. Did you think that just because we wasted a little time talking that now we have some special bond?”

I thought about his question for a moment and the truth was even though we’d just met, I felt as if we did have a special bond. It was only wishful thinking on my part that maybe he felt it too. I let my thoughts and the hazel eyes that were currently burning holes into me, drive me to distraction until the beeping of a car horn brought me back to reality. Cynthia had come to take me home and apparently I’d been keeping her waiting.

“Justin come on, it’s time to go,” Cynthia yelled from her open car window. As I started down the stairs I turned to look at Brian one last time and told him what I felt was the truth.

“Whether you know it or not, we do…”

Three weeks went by before I saw Brian again.