As Brian and Justin finished their tour of Stella’s, checking out the private dungeon playroom and the executive lounge, Miguel was across town pacing in his living room, waiting on Jake’s arrival with a mixture of elation and dread. He’d just finished another hypothetical scenario in his head when he heard the distinct sound of Jake’s car in the driveway. He quickly plopped down on the chaise lounge and grabbed a magazine.

Jake locked his car and made his way inside. The long drive, with only one stop to refuel, left him exhausted but happy to be home. It never failed to amaze him just how much he missed Miguel, and he was definitely looking forward to seeing his boy. However, as soon as he stepping into the foyer he knew something was terribly wrong. The place, while not a total wreck, was definitely not up to Miguel’s usual standards. His boy’s shoes looked like they’d been kicked off haphazardly, one at the foot of the stairs and the other under the hall table where Miguel’s coat was splayed across the top.

He sighed deeply when he saw one of his shirts hanging from the banister. Miguel always wore his clothes when he needed to feel closer to his Master. Add that to the fact that Miguel had shirked his daily duties and it only confirmed that something was wrong.

Jake gathered up the shirt, jacket and shoes from the floor, storing them in the hall closet before heading into the living room where he was confronted with even more signs of his boy’s distress. Take-out cartons littered the coffee table and Miguel looked like he hadn’t bothered to comb his hair, so his naturally curly locks were in total disarray. “Soooooo. Want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

Miguel looked up from his magazine and smiled, only the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “What makes you think I have something bothering me?”

Jake shrugged his shoulders and held his hands out as he made a great show of looking around their living room. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it was the fact that you didn’t bother to put your things away when you came home. No? Well, it could have been the fact that this room looks like you had a party for homeless people and decided to let them redo the décor. No, wait, now I remember. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re holding that magazine upside down.”

Miguel glanced down only to find he was actually holding the magazine wrong and quickly turned it around. “Did it ever occur to you that I was just trying to get a different perspective on a piece of art?”

“Oh reeeeaaaaly? Since when did they start putting pictures of art in Sport’s Illustrated?”

Miguel slammed the magazine shut and looked at the front cover, realizing he’d picked up one of Jake’s magazines by mistake before slapping it down on the side table. He stood up and crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at Jake before huffing, “Well maybe I was just trying to get a better view of one of those hunky ball players.”

Jake rubbed the back of his neck to relieve some of the tension from the long drive before slowly approaching his partner.  “Listen, if you don’t want to tell me that’s okay. I just don’t like to see you this upset.”

Miguel took a step back and kept the glare on his face even though he wanted nothing more than to sink into the welcoming warmth of his partner’s arms. He met Jake’s eyes, responding in a voice that was clearly an octave higher than his normal one.  “What makes you think I’m upset?  Do I look like I’m upset?”

“Yes, actually; you look like you’re about to blow a gasket.”

“You think you know everything!  You think you can solve all the world’s problems! Big, bad Jake to the rescue. Well you can’t solve everything!  You’re not God, you know!”

Jake’s eyes went wide as he watched Miguel waving his arms around before he practically yelled, “What the hell is going on, mouse?”

Miguel didn’t know whether it was the concerned look on his partner’s face, the ache he could plainly hear in Jake’s voice, or the use of his scene name, but he felt the tear slide down his cheek and couldn’t seem to stop his hands from trembling.  He looked away from Jake and mumbled, “I don’t want you to hate me.”

Jake stepped forward quickly and wrapped his arms around Miguel’s quaking figure. “I could never hate you, mouse.”

Miguel turned his face and pressed it against Jake’s neck, breathing in the familiar scent of his Master as he tried to calm the tidal wave of emotions that were threatening to break him.  “There’s something I need to tell you and I don’t know how you’re going to react.”

Jake’s entire body stiffened for a fraction of a second.  It was almost a sense of déjà vu that invaded his mind.  The last time he’d heard words like that had been when sunshine wanted to explain that he needed to end their relationship. Was Miguel about to do the same thing? He didn’t think Miguel had any interest in being a Dom, but maybe he’d found someone else he’d rather sub for. Jake swallowed hard and gently ran his fingers through Miguel’s soft curls. He couldn’t quite remember it hurting this much when sunshine had said those words. How was he going to survive if his little mouse was about to run away? “You can tell me anything, mouse, anything at all. Even if you think it’ll hurt me.”

Miguel nodded against Jake’s neck and whispered, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Jake closed his eyes and tightened his hold on Miguel, his greatest fear just being confirmed. He’d get through this for his boy. After all, he only wanted what was best for Miguel. He bit down on the inside of his mouth until the coppery taste of his blood bathed his tongue. He kissed the top of Miguel’s head.  “Hey. I’m a big boy remember? I can handle anything you say to me.”

Miguel reached up to slide his fingers through Jake’s hair, keeping his face pressed against his Master’s neck. “That’s not true.  I know that’s not true. You keep everything closed off from the rest of the world, but you could never do that with me. I know you, remember?”

Jake nodded. “Yeah, you always could see through my bullshit. None of that matters right now, though. You need to tell me what’s bothering you.”

Miguel pulled away from Jake and held on to both his hands. “I think I fell in lust with you the first time I saw you.”

Jake grinned and tightened his fingers around Miguel’s. “You were something that night.”

Miguel lifted his head and looked into Jake’s eyes. “At the time, that was the greatest night of my life. Unfortunately, it was also the worst.”

Jake’s eyes clouded over for a second.  “Why?  I thought we had a great time.”

“We did have a great time. We had an amazing time.  I guess that’s what made it so hard on me.”  Miguel smiled a little sadly.

“What do you mean?”

“Ah hell, Jake. I’d just lost my parents and found the man of my dreams, only to discover that he belonged to someone else and I could never have him.”

Jake looked at Miguel with an almost goofy grin.  “Man of your dreams, huh?”

Miguel rolled his eyes. “Is that the only thing I’ve said that you heard?”

“It’s the best part of what you said.” Jake shrugged.

“Yes, I’d found the man who was perfect for me in every way and he belonged to my friend.  I left that night thinking that I’d reached the pinnacle and nothing was ever going to compare.”

“Naturally you felt that way. This is me we’re talking about.”

Miguel couldn’t help it; he laughed softly. “Only you could make me laugh at a time like this.”

“Come on, mouse. Tell me what’s bothering you.”  Jake pulled Miguel onto his lap.

Miguel took a deep breath. “After I left you that night, I went home and tried to kill myself.”

Jake’s arm tightened around Miguel. “Why? Was it something I said or did?”

Miguel shook his head. “No! That’s what I don’t want you to think. I was feeling sorry for myself and wishing you were with me. What I did wasn’t your fault. I was just in a bad place and I fucked up. I spent some time in a hospital and I can honestly say that I’ll never do anything like that again.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?  Why are you telling me now?” Jake looked into Miguel’s eyes.

“Brian’s lawyer, Cole, came around to get some answers about that time in my life. He seems to think it could be brought up at the trial and I just didn’t want you to be blindsided.”  Miguel broke eye contact.

Jake leaned forward and rubbed his nose against the side of Miguel’s neck. “I’m glad you told me, mouse.”

“You don’t think I’m weak and pathetic?”

“Hell no! You’re one of the strongest people I know. Most men would be scared shitless to wear some of the outfits you parade around in.”

Miguel leaned into Jake and laughed, really laughed, for the first time since he’d started worrying about telling his partner about his suicide attempt. “I tell you that I tried to kill myself and you insult my wardrobe.”

“I had to prove to you how strong you were, didn’t I?  Even Emmett would be terrified of a few of your more outlandish ensembles.” Jake gave Miguel’s thigh a playful slap.

Miguel turned and put his arms around Jake’s neck and grinned.  “I never thought of it that way, but you’re right; I do scare a lot of people.”

Jake nodded and tried to look serious. “I’m terrified.”

Miguel laughed and leaned in to kiss Jake, stopping just before their lips met. “What do you say to me terrifying you right now?”

Jake growled low in his throat and pulled Miguel’s head down until their lips joined. He was so relieved that Miguel wasn’t thinking of leaving. He was also glad that his boy had finally told him about his time in BryLan. He’d found out when he’d had a background search done on Miguel before making the decision to start a relationship with him.  After a few moments, he broke the kiss and gasped, “Don’t ever scare me like that again.”

*~*~*~*~Brian and Justin’s Loft~*~*~*~*

Brian stepped off the elevator in front of Justin. “Home sweet home.”

“Did you have fun tonight?” Justin tossed his jacket across the back of the sofa.

Brian picked up Justin’s coat and hung it neatly on the coat rack along with his. “What?  You couldn’t tell?  I think you’re slipping.”

Justin chuckled. “Always the smartass.”

Brian grinned and looked at his partner. “Takes one to know one.”

“Now you’re just being pertinacious with your childish behavior,” replied Justin.

Brian raised his eyebrow. “And you’re very perspicacious.”

Justin laughed. “I guess I wasn’t the only one who scored geek on my SATs.”

“I’ll have you know that I was neither a geek nor a nerd.  I was simply a very intelligent and gorgeous jock.” Brian flexed his arm to show off his muscles.

Justin gripped Brian’s arm feeling his muscle. “You’re my big, strong jock.”

“Does that make you my little geeky nerd?” asked Brian.

Justin pulled Brian’s head down and whispered just before their lips touched, “Whatever floats your boat.”

They slowly made their way toward the bedroom while continuing to kiss and fondle one another. They were making a game out of who could get their clothes off the quickest without breaking their kiss.  Brian finally reached the bed completely naked. “I win!”

Justin’s eyes traveled over Brian’s long lean body and clouded over with desire. “Wrong, I win.”