JUSTIN

The world always looks better with… “Uh Em, what is this?” I ask him.

“It’s a Cosmo, sweetie.” He tells me.

“Yeah, Cosmo, the world looks better after… um how many?” I ask Brian.

“Seven, you know, the number after six.” He tells me, taking a shot of whatever is in that glass.

“AS I WAS SAYING… wait what was I saying?” I ask Em, cause he’s way less sarcastic.

“The world looks better?” He giggles.

“OH YEAH, really it’s just MM’s dancing seems to get better after each one of these. It’s less Peanut’s Gang.” I tell them, nodding because they should agree with me.

“You're cut off. My plans don’t include hauling your drunk ass home and feeding the lions.” Brian tells me.

“You think Benny figured out yet that MM’s looking for love?” Emmett asks me.

“MM can have boring Ben, cause I have Brian, right?” I ask, looking up at Brian.

“Only if you admit that this is a relationship. I’ve decided that if you want to use this body, it comes with a relationship.” He tells me.

“Wait, why do you want to screw up everything with a relationship?” I ask him.

“Justin, we sleep in the same bed, own three cats together, and I tolerate September the way you do MM, how much more do we need to get you to see we are together.” He asks me.

“See I told you, he’s chasing you.” Emmett whispers.

“Chasing without ever asking me anything, it’s all ‘Justin how do you like our first date’.” I mean I would have loved it if he’d ever bothered to ask me. Then there was the whole hiding he was my pimp… “Hey why are you guys looking at me?” I ask the guys at the next table. “Then he like shows up with our daughter, under the condition that I have to be with him to see her, and the whole kissing up to my mom. Do you not get that she’s all for planning a wedding? And like you, she’ll just accidentally rent the church and reception room, then invite us to dinner which will end up being a wedding. By the time we figure it out, you’ll be Mr. Taylor. Wait, let's not go with my last name, because it would be like calling you my father.” I tell them.

“Kinney’s cool, if Drew and I ever did the whole marriage thing, I don’t know if I could be Boyd, it just doesn’t have that ring like Honeycutt does.” Emmett tells me.

“Hey, I’d even move up in the alphabet, it was a pain in the ass to be last at graduation, but then I was salutatorian, so I got to sit on the stage. Daphne like beat me by a few points, but I kicked her ass on the SATS. Is anyone ever going to tell Michael that pole is for something other than licking?” I ask because he seems to like doing that.

“Baby, remember he learned from Kinney’s School of Dance. Unfortunately, Brian could never teach him how to get a trick.” Emmett smiles as Drew hands us two new Cosmos.

Taking a gulp, I glare at Drew. “What is this?” I ask him.

“Cosmo light.” He tells Emmett, who didn’t swallow but spit it back in the glass.

“What is a Cosmo light?” Emmett asks, glaring with me.

“It’s basically everything but the alcohol. I’m with Brian, we are not carrying your comatose asses home.” Drew tells us, and well, I stopped glaring because Drew is a bit scary.

“He’s just a big teddy bear.” Emmett tells me, and shit, some day I’ll learn not to blurt out everything I’m thinking.

“Can anybody explain that?” Blake asks us, pointing toward the dance floor.

We all look at MM, and I’m not really sure what you call that. “I think there was a movie where these two guy did that dance like all the time.” I tell them.

“Night at the Roxbury.” Emmett yells out.

We watch as MM does this strange head thing and then practically climbs on Ben. “Yeah, but like in the movie it was funny, this is just sad.” Blake tells us.

“I tried to teach him the ‘Praise Jesus’ but you know, MM seems to dance to a tune that has nothing to do with the music playing.” Emmett tells us.

“Maybe if I like get the squad, they could teach him?” I tell them.

“What do they do?” Emmett ask me.

“Wear short skirts and stand around acting like lesbians, they told me for some reason guys think it’s hot. Which I don’t get, because if Brian was like dancing with LBF or Mel, there is nothing that would make me want him.” I tell them.

“Justin, if you ever put me and Mel dancing in the same sentence again, I’m taking Sunny and Duckies home.” Brian glares.

I just rubbed my ass all over his lap, it seems to work when he’s like, pissy. I look over at the bar and the squad brought my mom, who was looking right at me. I slowly slide to my chair, because Mom waves at us smiling. I take Brian’s phone and text the Daphne, the cause of my erectile dysfunction.

“You brought my Mom to a gay bar!!!!!😨”

“She wanted to see where you go, so if you didn’t want her to come here you should have gone to a straight bar💑👫and not a gay bar🌈.”

“Which explains my being here, and even explains LBF and life partner Mel, but you and Mom, not so much😛”

Brian takes his phone back when it rings. “No Michael, I will not play “Crash into Me”... no I won’t play “Every Breath You Take”... “Beautiful” Mikey is this some kind of joke… they’re all songs about stalking, that’s why.” Brian tells him, walking to Ted.

Looking through my playlist on my phone, I decided Brian was never to see it. Of course when I look up he’s rolling his eyes. “I told you from the beginning that I had all sorts of songs that I could play when I stalk you.” I tell him.

“Time to go, Justin.” Brian tells me, I think by now we all know he just tells me, never asks me… anything.

I was getting bored anyway, so we leave, and as we walk out a bunch of guys run up to us. All of them wearing PJ’s and carrying kittens or puppies. I know I was carrying Sunny around and now I’m starting to worry about myself when I see these guys. I look up to see if it’s a full moon, nope, but it should be. Lunatics ahead.

One of the guys walks up to me. “Want to tell us how you landed Kinney?” He asks, and sneezes as he holds his kitten. I wonder if he’s figured out he’s allergic to the kitten.

Now here's the thing, kittens and puppies aren’t really best friends, so when the Boston Terrier got close enough to the cute little calico, it tried to eat it. Calico wasn’t thrilled and ran up owner’s chest leaving nice claw marks and leaps to the ground where chihuahua is on a leash on the ground, now you say to yourself, no problem, the chihuahua weighs next to nothing, but the owner is too busy looking at Brian Kinney to hold the leash and Chihuahua who has big dog syndrome runs after Calico who climbs up another guy's leg and straight into Mini Pinscher. Now one of the things I learned tonight is, unlike the Doberman Pinscher, Mini Pinschers are really timid and it struggled until the owner had to put it down which somehow only made it worse because Chihuahua found something it could intimidate. Brian backed us out of the Queens, because as all the animals started going nuts, so did all the PJ wearing Queens.

We passed by the guys who were taking bets on which animal would win. I thought about it for a second and ran back to Sneezy, because he was starting to break out.

“What’s your kitten’s name?” I ask him.

“Ah… well… it’s not really mine per se… okay look, I found someone giving them away and we all decided to come and see if we could land men by doing what you did.” He tells me.

“So you don’t have any real attachment to the kitten, right?” I ask him.

“No, I think I’m allergic to it.” He tells me and that’s all I needed.

I grabbed it and started thinking of a name. When I got near Brian and the rest of the guys, Brian shook his head no. I shook my head yes, the guys behind us were all screaming no (which had nothing to do with this argument). Normally Brian tends to let me have my way,  but he doesn’t seem to want to help me with my dream of thirty cats.

“Justin, Regina and Rocky still haven’t fully accepted Sunny.” Brian tells me.

“But they could like get used to Ally while they are getting used to Sunny.” I tell him.

“No, three is all we are going to have, we still have years before they leave us and then you can replace them as they go.” He tells me.

“You don’t replace our babies!” I tell him, horrified.

“Shit, Ben left and told me he wasn’t interested.” MM whines.

Brian looks from my Ally to MM. “No, it will probably run away and join the circus just to get peace and quiet.” I tell Brian, who plucks my baby from my arms and hands it to MM. “You just lost all privileges to my ass tonight.” I tell him, pouting and stomping past the Queens still chasing their pets.