BRIAN 

“How come Justin is ignoring me?” I ask, rolling my eyes when I get a blank stare. 

“You know he suggested I ask people what you do on dates?” I tell them, and other than smiling at me, they still aren't helping.

“Hello, is there anything one of you could suggest? Because somehow, you managed to get past dating to the fun shit.” I tell them.

These are the people who I know that did the dating and getting to know someone thing, yet other than stare at me, like well, Justin’s cats, nothing is coming out.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I ask, exasperated at them acting like I’m insane.

Holding up his hand, I glare at Ted, are we in school?

“I’m going to speak for all of us, but your asking for advice on dating and well, we really didn’t do that.” Ted tells me. 

“Well obviously you did something, because each of you got partners.” I tell him.

“You also remember how Blake and I met, don’t you?” He asks me.

“I honestly wasn’t paying attention, but even after the whole almost death date, you two obviously did something.” I tell him.

“Crystal, rehab, codependence on my counselor, years of bad dates between, and then we just met again and it worked. So we never really dated.” Ted tells me, so I turn to Emmett.

“I was in his closet, then not, then Drew came back when he realized he only wanted me. I just moved in and we’ve been together ever since.” Emmett tells me.

“I did take you on a date.” Drew tells him.

“You rented a restaurant so no one would see us.” Emmett tells him, rolling his eyes.

“It was a date.” Drew grumbles.

“Mel and I would have dated, but kind of like Emmett, we just moved in.” Lindsay tells me.

“We could ask Carl, he took Deb out for a while.” Emmett tells me, but realizes old people dating was probably not what I was looking for.

“Dad, um, dating is like eating and talking right?” Gus asks me from the corner.

“Normally yes, and yes sonny boy I’ve taken him to eat, and well, Justin tends to talk without needing me to say much.” I tell him.

“Brian, you call taking him to eat at our houses a date?” Mel asks me.

“He just happened to be at your houses.” I tell her.

“Have you even asked him on a date? Because just being in the same place eating doesn’t really count.” Mel tells me.

“I took him to McDonalds after your tofu pretending to be meat.” I tell them and the resulting laughter wasn’t my aim.

“Hold on, maybe it’s time to call in some help.” Emmett tells me, and walks out dialing his phone.

“Dad, if you want me to, I could invite Justin to my fort and you could like do a picnic or something, but Justin really likes cookies, so maybe have that.” Gus tells me, crawling on my lap.

“I think Justin was looking for something other than cookies in a fort.” Mel tells him.

“He liked mine, he told me that I was fun because I still get to do the good stuff.” He tells Mel, sticking out his tongue at her. 

“Okay, the girls will be here in a minute.” Emmett tells me.

“Why are you inviting more women, I’m trying to date Justin?” I tell him.

“They’re his women, although one keeps asking me if you have a HBF. Please I’m in a room of gay men and you don’t know what a Hag Best Friend is?” Emmett rolls his eyes at us when we stare at him, confused.

You want to know what led to me thinking they could help? It started the first day Justin came to work, twenty minutes late, half asleep, and telling all the other artists that they should rebel until a reasonable hour. Then when I call him to my office to discuss a campaign, he shows up with Ted, who knew he was still on my shit list, and tells me that he and Ted were going to need to work together closely and that if I needed him to call Ted. How he thinks that I would believe that Ted, the accountant, and Justin, the artist, need to be attached at the hip is just well, Justin. I think when that didn’t work because Ted really has work to do that requires being in his office, Justin left notes everywhere telling me answers to questions I might need to ask, then the twat sends me an email saying that my building is stifling his creative side, so he’s going to work from Starbucks. If Justin didn’t deliver I would have fired his ass for this shit. Instead, I’m entertaining Cynthia and Ted trying to run down Justin who can disappear at a moment’s notice.

“It must be hard for you, for the first time someone didn’t just fall on their knees when you smiled.” Mel smirks.

When the girls get here, I realize Justin was right because after meeting Gus, September kept giving me hopeful looks. Daphne showed up with a folder and arranged her squad around the kitchen table like it was a business meeting. The guys and girls ran to sit, because apparently my dating is unbelievable.

“Before we help, we want you to know that we are disappointed in you. Justin should have been able to give us really detailed gossip, but instead he’s still talking more to his cats than to you.” Daphne tells me.

“Hey lay off Brian, he could just be shy.” September tells them. 

“September, gay does not mean bi.” Alexia tells her, which makes September tilt her head at Gus.

“Anyway, Emmett called because you want Justin to be your first.” Daphne tells me. And come on, did they really have to laugh for ten minutes about that?

“Shit, this is virgin territory for you. You want Justin to pop your che…” Ted stops when Mel glares, tilting her head to Gus who looked disappointed when she stopped him.

“Which, really Brian, if you wanted to date him, asking would help.” Marie tells me dryly. 

“But you know, if you want, I could come to your place and tell you what I like on dates.” September leers at me.

“Sweetheart, give up.” Alexia tells her, giggling.

“I need to know that you're really interested in Justin or we leave.” Daphne tells me.

It was eerie, because I started to see that Justin and I seem to pick friends with the same traits. September is his Michael, Alexia his Emmett, and Marie his Ted. I'm debating Daphne because she's this combination of Mel and Lindsay with a little me thrown in.

“Trust me, Brian’s interested, because he’s asking for dating advice.” Emmett tells her.

“Dating and Brian have never been put in a sentence together, so yeah he’s serious.” Ted tells her.

“Guys, I think it’s just that no one could hold Brian’s interest for more than two seconds.” Mel says and I think she was trying to be nice but you can never really tell with her.

“Mel, he’s just picky, but then with Michael around it makes it hard for anyone to get close to Brian.” Ted tells her.

“I’m going to ask because I’m still trying to figure out MM. What’s with him?” Daphne asks Emmett.

“Girl, it’s the classic cheated on by my man. Michael is running around, suddenly trying to be Brian.” Emmett tells her.

“Has he not figured out that he just doesn’t have it?” September asks.

When they seem to want to gossip, I gave up on help from this quarter. I think it’s time to show Justin I mean business.

JUSTIN

I’m still not sure how he got in, but he did. One minute I’m painting the cats, and the next I’m over his shoulder being carried out of my house. I might have tried to protest, but I’m just exhausted from running, and well, my hand is getting callouses from, you can guess. 

“You know I have to work tomorrow.” I tell him, which only earns me a look.

“Can you at least let me use your phone to tell someone to feed the cats?” I ask him, because he grabbed my phone and threw it back in my house.

Instead of giving me the phone, he calls Ted and tells him to get one of the girls to feed my cats.

“The minute this car stops, I’m going to escape.” I tell him.

I guess it would have been more convincing if he hadn’t hauled me out in my boxers. When he stopped at his place he gave me the option of walking or being carried. When I sat in the car not moving, I was hauled over his shoulder and the fucker spanked me. 

“You know I’ve tried this whole dating, getting to know you thing, but that doesn’t seem to be working for you. I think it’s time for the caveman thing. What do you think so far?” He asks, but where they hell did he get the idea he even tried dating?

The elevator stopped and I try to see where we are going but it’s just not easy when I’m bent over with the back view. He slides the door open and stops. I look around and there are candles lit and it smells like someone cooked. Brian let me down but when I look at him I can see this was a surprise to him too. When the shower stops, we both turn to look at the bedroom. Out comes a guy in a towel that I have to say, sort of looks like me. Brian scowls and walks up the steps to his room and I follow behind him. The guy looks at both of us.

“Hey, can you call your friend and tell him I charge extra for threesomes?” He tells us.

EMMETT

Ted, Blake, Drew, and I were all going to get a drink at Woody’s and gossip. I think we were all shocked at Brian asking for dating advice. When we get there I groan, seeing Michael sitting at the bar eyeing guys who weren’t even interested. He see us and starts this swagger that really just didn’t work for him.

“Where’s Brian?” He asks.

“He took off, so couldn’t tell you.” I tell him.

“He is so missing out, we could have been taking turns scoring with the guys tonight.” He tells us and winks at a guy who is completely uninterested but leers when he spots Drew. I think my glare told him what I thought of that idea.

“I hope he likes my present.” Michael tells us.

“It’s not Brian’s birthday.” Ted tells him. I know I was confused.

“I think it’s time for the King of Liberty Avenue to return to his throne. I sent him a reminder of what he could have if he stops acting like one of you.” He tells us.

Ted’s phone rings, while we were waiting for Michael to tell us what he did. Ted looks at Michael, and you know that look you get when your friend is going to die, well Ted gave it to Michael. My gossiping heart was beating out of my chest when Ted hung up and started hitting his head on the table. I handed Blake a bunch of napkins because that’s going to start hurting if Ted keeps hitting the wood. Ted stopped when he hit napkins.

“Michael, one thing the King of Liberty Avenue never had to do was pay for it.” That was all Ted said as he got up and left. I looked at Blake, who glared at Michael and walked out after Ted. Michael looked at me and he really thinks I’m staying here when I could find out what’s going on. 

Blake texted that they were headed to the loft. When we got there, Justin was feeding a guy who kind of reminded me of Justin. Brian looked like he’s like to toss the guy out.

“Hey Emmett, come meet Brad.” Justin tells me, and I notice he’s wearing one of Brian’s dress shirts.

“Justin, can we let Brad go home?” Brian asks him, not really, but he phrased it that way.

“Brian, I’m trying to show him he has options, I mean you could like, offer him a job. You’re all into the pimp thing.” Justin tells Brian.

“I already have a pimp.” Brad tells Justin.

“Michael might need an undertaker.” Brian tells us.