Justin's journal entry- Niagara Falls- 2012

It's our last full day here...Memorial Day. And instead of mourning countless veterans who gave their lives to preserve my freedom, I feel trapped in a web of my own making. Brian feels it too but as usual he's making the best of it.

After my meltdown and I resumed some sense of calm and what could pass for normalcy (what a joke that word is at this point), he and I had a long and surprisingly rational conversation about why I gave into Michael's demand. FREEDOM. Seven letters but it packs a whole lot of punch when used and applied correctly. By giving Michael what he wanted- which was for Zephyr to have a clear shot at Rage since the Paleontologist, Dr. Ken Kirchner (Ben's character) and JT died at the hands of Icetina , Swineheart and the Coo-coo for Cocoa-cocoa Puffs, Chiropractor- I now have NO obligation to any future endeavors with Michael Novotny for ANY reason. No, I didn't like the way the story ended with ‘me' and ‘Ben' being dead but if it meant that I could live my life without the business-related phone calls which were really a way to keep tabs on what and who I was fucking (Michael always managed to squeeze tidbits in about Brian's life outside of me or asking if I'd heard from him) then the end justified the means. Outside of Debbie, he has no overt reason to call me ever again. But then Michael is as subtle as an elephant in a glass shop, especially when he can't find Brian, so I'm sure he'll think of something. After I explained it to Brian in those terms, he understood why I had to do it for my own sanity. No, he didn't like it but he at least understood and to me that was more important than having his stamp of approval.

So once again, it's time to go back to real life. Our few stolen moments are about to be overshadowed by the quest for success in every facet of our lives individually. Fuck I'm so tired of feeling like this but it's what has to happen if I'm to prove myself- to me first and foremost- but also to people like Michael, Lindz and Melanie who somehow have taken it into their heads that I'm with Brian for his bank account. Lindz knows better but she would never go against Mel strictly for the sake of keeping the peace. I can't blame her for that. I still would love to know what her initial motives were when she showed Brian that article written by Simon Caswell all those years ago but it really doesn't matter. I worked my ass off to get where I am and still have more to do. Landing Federated Department Stores was major for me but the meeting in L.A. in the next few months will really tell the story. Brett Keller and Connor James has started a production company and both requested that I design their logo. Of course I'm not fooled- Brett wants me for my talent, Connor wants me for my ass. I bottomed for him twice while in L.A. while pining for Brian. A dose of coke and Beam helped me to forget momentarily about who I really needed. He was an adequate fuck; I got off but I still wouldn't repeat the experience. Once you've had high quality steak from Blackstone's why go back to a hamburger from McDonald's? That's an accurate analogy of the difference between Brian and Connor. I will never settle for a happy meal when I have a full-course dinner waiting at home.

More later...Brian just stepped onto the balcony to watch the fireworks show being given by the New York side of the Falls.

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June 2012- NYC

Justin's POV

Whoever thought a long-distance relationship inspired romance among the occupants was a damn fool. Brian and I spend more time exhausted than inspired to be naughty lately. In addition to that, our Skype calls have become business calls. There are four new accounts coming my way which again is great for business but our sex life is totally unsexy when we're yawning and barely able to keep our eyes open for more than a half hour. Henry has been great as an agent and Myrna is a gem as is Amy and Dawn. I hired a new intern which I just may keep on after he graduates. Joseph Castle's talent in using multi-media within his artwork is second to none and frankly I would be a fool to let him go. Now if only I can get him to stop hitting on Daph, his career would be assured... and so would his life. I dare not tell Brian. He'll probably have the boy murdered regardless of if he'd done anything or not. It's good to see him go into protective mode with her too so now she can't defend him to me anymore.

Speaking of which....

"Hey Old man."

"What are you doing now?"

"Well you would actually be proud of me. I'm having a new Armani tailored."

"I know."

I laughed. "Then why did you ask?"

As soon as the question left my mouth, Brian stepped through the front door with a big smile on his face.

"Funny thing happened when I was passing by. I saw this little blond twink. Well I thought my eyes were deceiving me so I decided to double back- you know to make sure I wasn't losing my sight at my advanced age."

"You won't be entering the advanced age for a few more years but it is nice to know your eyes still work beautifully."I stood on the tips of my toes, disregarding everything and everyone around us and kissed Brian full and thoroughly. Brian returned the intense gesture, twisting his fingers in my hair and wrapping his arm around me underneath the suit jacket.

Please, be careful of the pins Mr. Justin. You too, Mr. Brian. Otherwise you will have to endure standing still all over again," Arnold said disapprovingly.

He had been Brian's "New York" tailor for many years. The first time Brian brought me here, I had to have everything refitted because I was unable able to keep still long enough to endure the tailoring. Added to that, Brian's OCD tendencies and the fact that we were both horny as hell and distracting each other with the need for constant contact, Arnold had a time getting us together for an impromptu dinner with one of Brian's clients. We pulled apart and thankfully Arnold had very little readjusting to do.

"So just what are you doing in New York?"

"Funny that you should ask. Imagine my surprise when I received a call from Charles Duffy- you remember him, right? He was the client we had dinner with during our working vacation back in 2007. Anyway he called last night and asked that I make the trip today. Since the schedule was clear, I couldn't see the harm in taking the meeting. The added bonus is finding you in the one spot I wouldn't have dared to look." He laughed. My aversion to suits was legendary.

"When are you due back in the Pitts?"

"Taking a red-eye out tonight. I have a meeting Farley's Steakhouse in the morning. They didn't like what Vanguard came up with for their new campaign. What's funny is that they haven't changed their advertising since 2001 when I did the original. Hm..wonder why they didn't like the new campaign?"

I laughed. "Smug ass but you have a right to be so. How about an early dinner and a movie?"

He smiled and countered, "How about an early dinner and making a movie?"

"You're such a freak. Remind me to spank you later for putting such salacious ideas in my head."

"With pleasure as long as I get to record everything else."

"Let me change and I'll walk you down to Duffy's office."

As we walked, he asked how I was really doing. I told him about Nicole and some of the things that we talked about but none of the things I've said about us and our situation. I also told him that she was the most candid and un-therapist-like educated professional I'd ever met which put him at ease somewhat. He and I both have an aversion to getting our heads shrunk...well at least the ones that sit on our shoulders- but talking with Nicole is actually easy and she doesn't probe and prod trying to "diagnose" me as much as helping me to see my way clear of things. She doesn't make me feel like a basket case or a case study. His relief at hearing that I wasn't coming apart at the seams made me realize just how concerned he really was. On one hand it made me feel like shit but on the other it made me love him more for caring. Most of all I appreciated that after the meltdown, he didn't treat me like I should have a straight jacket on and a constant supply of Diazepam. In short he did what he always did: he took care of me but gave me the space I needed to regain my equilibrium. I've always said that he understood me in ways few could or ever would and in that moment my words proved true once again.

While Brian took care of his business, I had a little of my own to deal with.I told him to call me when he was finished and I'd be there within minutes. Myrna's office was a few blocks over and since it was a scheduled meeting, it made perfect since to deal with Arnold too. I could resist smiling as I walked into the office for the meeting running down my hectic schedule and expenses. Ted was already on Skype and had seen my approach. He had an answering smile on his face so I knew he knew why I was so fucking happy.

"I take it His Majesty called you?" Ted said by way of greeting.

I spoke to everyone before answering him, "Better than that, Ted. He ran into me in the most unlikely of places."

Ted laughed. "I swear you two... if he ran into you ‘accidentally' that must mean you were in Armani, his addiction. I swear he can't go to New York without adding to the millions of suits he already has. Did you stop him?"

"Strangely, he was actually passing by the store when he discovered me. Arnold had just finished putting the final touches on when my cell phone rang and there he was. Now that's not to say he won't still happen back in the Pitts with a new suit. This is Brian we're talking about after all."

"Wait. Brian is in New York? Where?" Myrna asked. She had been dying to meet the man who created such inspiration and mood swings in me.

"He's at a meeting of his own but has to catch a red-eye out back to Pittsburgh tonight."

My smile must have gotten wider because Ted outright laughed. "Should I cancel the meeting with Farley's tomorrow?"

"No. He'll be there. I have some work of my own to finish before the show, if I'm going to be able to be able to make up for Brian's birthday. We always celebrate it after the actual date because it's a bad week for both of us."

"About that," Henry chimed in. "You're not going to be able to do it anyway."

I felt the frown crease my forehead and Ted drew back instantly which meant he had already been informed of the reason. Amy instantly made herself busy while Myrna just stared at me. "Why the fuck not? Henry if this is some attempt to..."

"It isn't," he said immediately knowing where I was going with the conversation. "Unfortunately Brett Keller and Connor James have to move up the meeting by a month. They got the green light on another V-Men production and pre-production begins in August."

"Well if I'm forced to accommodate their sudden change in scheduling then they can very well bend a bit and come to New York. They at least owe me that for ruining my plans so thoroughly."

"Justin, I beg to differ. These are movie stars and producers. They don't have to cow-tow to your wishes."

I smiled at him. He really didn't know about this side of my personality but he was about to learn quickly. "Actually, they do, Henry. Furthermore, since I have worked with them on some level before on a failed project, they know the caliber of my work which has only improved since that time. Now I understand the way Hollywood and all its fundamental parts work- I've been there and was part of that world for a short time- but since it's my talent and my time they're looking to pay for, they will accommodate me. Don't forget, I didn't go seeking them... they came for me. Having their account will not make or break me financially or within this industry. We work in two separate realms but I will not put everything else I have going for the remainder of the month to travel to Los Angeles on their whim. If you find that they oppose it, feel free to decline the meeting altogether. It's really not that important in the grand scheme of my career."

Henry started to say something but Ted interrupted. "Justin, have you spoken to Michael?"

I couldn't stop the sudden cringe when he mentioned Michael. It was something Ted saw and immediately understood. "The Saturday before Memorial Day. Why?"

"And did you agree to his...proposal?"

"Ted you already know that I did not. Again why?"

"Now that Brett and Connor are starting their own production company, they want Rage to be amongst their first films. They have several people they've pitched the idea to and are willing to put up the cash. The only catch is that they will not accept anyone else as lead Creative Director on this except its original illustrator." Ted dropped his eyes when he said the last.

I pinched the bridge of my nose wondering why this fucking comic and its creator wouldn't just leave me the absolute fuck alone. "Ted, my answer is still no. I don't give a shit what they are offering, it's not worth it to me to have to endure Michael's constant harassment again."

"I wasn't thinking in terms of Michael, Justin. I was thinking in terms of you. We all know why you are based in New York and we know what your ultimate goal is, even if Michael doesn't. As your financial adviser, I would say get the fuck over your gripes and make this damn money."

"You sounded like Brian just then." I laughed.

"Well we both graduated from the ‘Brian Kinney Get Your Head Out of Your Ass School of Business.' But as your friend and someone who knows this situation from the outside looking in since its inception, I want to say I understand but get your head out of your ass and do what you know you must do. You know how I feel about the two of you and if no one else I understand what your quest for equality in your non-relationship is costing both of you but we both learned from the Master of putting personal feelings to the side and tending to business first. This is a huge opportunity for you that's being presented. It's up to you whether the personal risks justify the means."

"How big is the preliminary budget for the movie?" The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to stop them.

" So far the budget is at thirty million but with the strides being made within the Gay marriage and Equality Initiatives that could increase at any time."

"If I decide to do this my fee can be negotiated but I won't take less than the going rate for the top Creative Director in Hollywood right now. Also I want thirty percent of the gross profits on the weekend it open and ten percent thereafter. Also I want all of my rights restored on my artwork posthaste. Just because I'm considering working with Michael, doesn't mean I trust him farther than I can spit. Myrna, please draw up everything so that if I decide to get in bed with this I won't be fucked without lube. Henry and Amy: both of you handle very separate yet entwined portions of my business. Based on the timeline, my guess is even if I sign up for this, production won't begin until March of next year primarily because of Brett and Connor's production schedule and the requisite edits and re-shoots, voice overs and promotion schedules. That said, I need to know when my consignments are due and also what contracts are up for renewal from JT Designs. Ted, how much money is still outstanding from the completed works?"

"JT or commissions?"

"Both if you have it available now but I'd really like to know about JT's now."

"JT is still waiting for five thousand dollars to clear but everything else already is which includes all the commissions."

"Good. I want you to look into acquiring my mom's real estate company and my dad's electronics store. The former because my mom's boss is a shithead; the latter because my sperm donor is also a shithead. I don't want his business but the real estate which houses Taylor Electronics and the other buildings which surround it. He's not going to want to give up that corner and I'm not giving him an out on not taking care of Molly the way he did with me. He's been threatening to pull Molly's tuition out from under her and although I could afford to pay for it, the least he could do is pay for his heterosexual daughter's completed Dartmouth education. Taylor Electronics sits on a prime piece of land in the heart of the city and if I'm not mistaking, they're developing the area again to make it more gentrified. So my thinking is that if I forgive the mortgage for the next six years there shouldn't be a reason he can't pay for the portion of Molly's education not covered by her scholarship and support until she finds a job to sustain herself. Just because he has a new wife and a new child does not mean he can forget that Molly exists and is his responsibility too."

"I'll look into it this afternoon. I'll probably ask Quinn to make discreet inquiries."

I nodded. "Do that. Daniel Quinn is a good man and I trust him. Also feel free to fill him in on the whole Rage thing. I don't like to have any of the people who handle my affairs left in the dark on any portion of the day-to-day operations. Henry, do you have any questions or concerns?"

"Out of curiosity and you can feel free to tell me to mind my business but why is it even a question whether you work with Brett Keller and Connor James? Is this Novotny person really important in reference to the business at hand especially since you've worked with him and others that you did not like?" Henry was genuinely puzzled by Justin's aversion to making millions with the Rage project. If it were up to him and he had Justin's talent as well as his head for business, he would have jumped on it in a heartbeat.

"In order to fully explain my aversion to working with Michael again, I would have to delve into a portion of my life that really is none of your business. But in fairness to you, Henry, I will give you an abbreviated version with the certain aspects to the relationship between Michael and I which does in fact affect the production of Rage. First let me explain just who Michael Novotny is and Ted you can jump in anytime you feel since you were there as well. Michael is Brian's best friend who has always wanted to be more. It never would have happened even if Brian and I had never met; Ted can confirm that. To say the attraction was there from the beginning would be an understatement. For me, the immediate awareness of Brian Kinney was a lot like running a marathon and finally seeing a tall, gorgeous drink of water waiting for you at the end. It was love and lust at first sight for me and I felt gut-punched drunk with it. Brian was a different matter but the awareness hit him, too. The air felt charged as it always does when we're around each other regardless of what we're doing. Whether we're eating,, talking, fighting or fucking, that's just the way it is. Like Ted and our other friend, Emmett who was also there the night Brian and I met, Michael also noticed it immediately. Not to go into too many details because it would take entirely too long to unravel several mysteries as to why Brian and I could not move on since meeting, Michael has undermined our relationship or as Brian and I like to call it- our non-relationship- from the very beginning. Only he called it 'protecting his best friend' and maybe in some remote corner of his mind, he thought that he was but it was in reality much more complex than that. Unrequited love often is. There was a time when Brian and I had difficulties and instead of giving Brian all the information, Michael chose what to tell and what to withhold causing a severe rift between Brian and I. Eventually we repaired the rift but it wasn't quite the same. At least not until I moved to New York. It has taken us a little more than seven years to get to the point where we are now primarily because we have kept Michael and a few others completely out of it. They do not know that we have been meeting secretly or that we are still together in any form or fashion."

Ted spoke up then. "The only ones here in Pittsburgh who know anything concrete about Brian and Justin are myself, Brian's assistant Cynthia and our friend Emmett who helps me to deflect and divert Michael. If he were to find out, there really would be hell to pay and he would constantly harass Justin until once again he gets his way and Brian and Justin are no longer an item."

"The Rage comics, closely resemble mine and Brian's life together because in truth it is our entire relationship chronicled within the pages. However, the comics took a decidedly twisted turn with the last issue in which my character and Michael's real life husband's character were killed off in an exceptionally violent way by three ongoing villains. The idea was to give Rage and Zephyr- Rage's best friend- a clear path to have the relationship they were always meant to have in the writer's mind. I agreed to draw the comic for the storyline so that Michael would not have a reason to contact or speak to me ever again, especially in reference to the Rage franchise. I absolved myself of any affiliation with the comic in its totality, giving Michael full range to handle the franchise as he saw fit. With this new offer from Keller and James and their stipulation that I be involved, it puts me right back in the situation I dug myself out of. And because Michael is technically the creator of the comic, regardless of if it's mine and Brian's lives he's been writing about, I would still have to work with him in some capacity and that's what I have a problem with."

"Wait. Justin, Brian read the last issue?" Ted asked.

"Yeah, he did, Ted. He probably hasn't told you about the end result. Do you know where he was when he read it?"

"The last I'd had a chance to talk to him about it at all was right before I left the office that Memorial Day weekend."

"Michael had called my cell phone that morning trying to find Brian. He figured that Brian would have called me because of the prom anniversary date and also to try talking into reconsidering my desertion of the franchise. Now I understand why. Anyway I had gone to take a shower. While I was in there, Brian called Michael back. I don't know what was said but he decided to read the last issue."

"Holy shit!" The look on Ted's face told me had just discerned what the resulting actions were.

"Indeed, Ted; it wasn't pretty. So Henry, can you understand now why I can't just throw caution to the wind where Michael Novotny and his machinations are concerned. I've done it before with near disastrous results. To do so again, would risk my sanity and peace of mind so no, I can't just say ‘yes' for the sake of money. But since there's no harm in taking a meeting, that's what I'll do."

"I would also like to withdraw my earlier statement," Ted said. "Justin, you have to do what's right by you and in this case Brian has to be considered too. But why didn't you tell him about it?"

"Funny thing was that after Volume one Issue five which was the marriage issue, I never thought he would pick up another book from the franchise. So imagine my surprise coming out of the bathroom with Brian in full-on 'Rage' mode from actually reading Rage." I couldn't help but smile at the irony while looking at my cell which was singing the Star Wars theme for the eighth time that day and it wasn't even half over. "Excuse me a moment."

Moving over to the far corner of the office, I answered the phone in my usual greeting for the caller.

"Hey Old man. All done?"

I could hear the smile in his voice. "Yeah. Where are you?"

"Just getting ready to get out of here. If you walk two blocks over, I'm in the rather large glass building."

"See you in a few then. Later."

"Later."

Making my way back to the desk, they all pretended to be busy or that my cheeks weren't red. I knew they were but Ted couldn't resist the urge to tease. "Master called?" Ted asked with a smirk on his face. I actually liked that side of him

"Yes and as his willing sub I must hurry this along. Can't resist the allure of being tied up."

"Justin!"

"Hey you started it." I laughed. "Anyway, is there anything else before I get out of here?" Once everyone confirmed there wasn't anything further that required my immediate attention I said, "Good. So there is no need for my phone to ring the rest of the day from business matters... unless the building burns or someone is dead and stinking at which point you'll leave me a voicemail or I'll see it on the news. Barring that, I'm not answering my phone for the rest of the day."

Ted laughed. "You know he just called Cynthia to say the same thing before he called you. He said he'll be on the red eye back to the Pitts tonight but unless the building is burning or someone died within the office, no one is to ring his phone."

"What can I say but great minds and all that. He should be downstairs by now so I'll talk to you all tomorrow."

On my way to the elevator I heard Myrna ask Ted what Brian was like and how he was with me. His response was, "They don't call Brian and Justin ‘Sin and Sex' without good reason." As I emerged from the building, my heart skipped a beat as I laid eyes on Brian standing against the street light in front of me looking gorgeous in that Black Armani suit I loved seeing him in. Yanking me close, he stole my lips, oblivious to the onlookers or passersby on the street. His fingers entwined in my hair, as mine did the same. Neither of us could get close enough.

When he finally released me from the scorching exchange, he asked, "Miss me?"

"Every fucking second," I answered while absorbing the look in his eyes within that moment and cataloging for later when I would draw it from memory. "You should know that we probably have an audience staring down on us right now." Then I told him that when I left Myrna was still on Skype with Ted and asked what he and I were like together.

"Well you know how much I love sex in public," he drawled as he kissed me briefly again.

Then drew me closer as we both threw a wave upward. Surprisingly, Myrna and Amanda weren't the only ones at the window but so was Henry. Brian let them look, understanding why and what they needed to see without me having to tell him. Myrna who always referred to me as ‘her stunning blond' needed to make sure that Brian was as beautiful in person as I said his picture on my phone indicated. Amy's interests was that I wouldn't get my heart broken and Henry was primarily interested in his manner of dress. He was a firm believer in clothes making the man whereas Brian looked as if he made the clothes better than they looked in a store or on anyone else. I know that Henry would appreciate that sentiment. Giving one final wave, Brian hailed a cab and I gave the address for my place in Dumbo.

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Lying in L.A. - June 2012

If Michael was asked one more time when the new issue was coming out, he thought he would scream. It was ever thus at these Cons and whereas he enjoyed his existence and clout within the realm as the Creator of Rage, it was still taxing on his nerves primarily because the illustrious Illustrator had decided that the last issue was his last affiliation with the comic book franchise. When Michael asked him to reconsider, he outright refused. The truth was that Michael needed Justin. He all but guaranteed Brett Keller and Connor James when they approached him about acquiring the rights to finally make the movie under their own production company, Michael had jumped at the chance. Even committing Justin without his knowledge to be the projects Creative Director while Michael would be credited as the Creator and one of the Executive Producers of Rage the Movie. It was a bigger opportunity than he'd ever dreamed possible especially after the movie fell through the first time. What he didn't count on was Justin saying ‘no' which is what he did. That fucking blond twink always ruins everything. No doubt Michael thought Justin didn't want to do it anymore because of his insistence that JT and Dr. Ken the Paleontologist die and Rage and Zephyr finally end up together where they belonged in the first place.

It never occurred to him that Justin was glad to be officially finished with Rage in both of his forms. As an artist it was hard to see what Michael really thought of him written in a carefully worded but no less heartless script and as the character JT was based on, it made him angry. But in Michael's mind, every word of it was true.

"Michael? Ha! I thought that was you."

"Yeah, it's me. How are you, Brett?"

"I'm excellent. I'm here gathering information on how Comic-Cons are run. I'd like to include a scene in the movie. I think it would be beneficial all the way around."

Michael stomach dropped at the mention of the movie. "I daresay you would certainly know better than I would what is valuable in a movie scene."

"Have you been doing the Cons long?"

"Only as a distributor for the last few years but I've done them as long as they had been established in Pittsburgh. It's been nice to visit them in other places though. The one in Prague and London were really intense. I felt like a rock star."

Brett laughed. "I could see how. It's hard to remember that the world is a really big and amazing place and that there are so many fans of your work outside of the United States. By the way, are you going to be at the meeting with Justin in New York?"

What? What meeting? "I haven't spoken to Justin since the weekend of Memorial Day. His assistant said that he's been out of town a lot and from what I hear he has a few shows coming up. I'll have to check my schedule but when is it?"

Brett pulled out his ever-present palm pilot. "June 29th at two if I'm not mistaken since he'll be in the City. Connor and I will be staying that the Four Seasons so that's where the meeting will be."

"I'll see what can be rearranged so that I can make it. Thanks for telling me."

"If we're all going to be working on a movie together, you guys are going to have to start communicating better."

"Yeah. I'll tell him," Michael muttered. "But like I said he's just really busy according to his P.A."

"Well I'll see you then. Try to see some of the sights while you're here in L.A. don't work too hard."

Michael smiled back at Brett. "Will do. My husband should be finished with his lecture by now. He's over at UCLA today."

"I read his book, "The Gift Giver. It was a really interesting read. Well I'd better get going. Bye, Michael."

As he finished packing up his booth, Michael dialed the only person he knew could fix the mess he's in.

"Thank you for calling Kinnetik. How may I direct your call?"

"Mr. Kinney please."

"He's in a meeting. May I take a message?"

Fuck! Brian was always in a goddamn meeting. "No. That's okay. I will just try his cell phone."

"Okay. Thanks again for calling. Have a wonderful day."

"Yeah. You too."

Michael didn't hesitate when he hung up. Dialing Brian's number, he waited for the eight rings before the brusque voice of his best friend uttered "Kinney here...Leave a message."

"Hey Brian. I need some advice. This is really important and it's really lucrative. It could change everything but I can't talk to Ben about it without getting lectured. Call me back when you get this okay?"

It was the best he could do for the moment. Looking at his watch, he knew he had to get going. Ben would end up waiting and Michael had promised that he wouldn't be late again after having Ben waiting for two hours the day before.

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Inside Brian's Meeting....

Justin fell over from satisfaction and exhaustion while Brian was absolutely spent.

"Of all the times we've fucked, that has got to rank at number six on the list. Fuck, I want a cigarette right now and can't move to get it."

Justin chuckled. It felt good just to be able to laugh with him freely and without the ghost of the past hanging over them. "C'mon, you're not that old and I just put in all the work. You just laid there and took it."

"I wish you could ride yourself. Being under you is as much a job as working you over."

"But you don't mind."

Brian returned his serene smile. "No. I don't mind at all. In fact as soon as I crawl to my discarded pants and have a cigarette I will be happy to show you what a pleasure it really is."

"I'm looking forward to it." Justin followed Brian out of bed and headed over to the fridge in the corner of his bedroom. He handed Brian one as the latter handed him a cigarette. He nodded his thanks while resettling himself in his favorite position- in between Brian's outstretched legs with his back leaning against him. "So how was your meeting?"

"Surprisingly productive so it wasn't a wasted trip. Duffy wants to branch his part of his business off into a subsidiary and asked Kinnetik to head up the campaign based on the success of the other campaign. Although the original gym equipment line is geared toward adults, he wants to start a specific line for kids. Apparently, his granddaughter has developed Childhood Diabetes and although she's not overweight, it got him to thinking about the kids who are and don't have a means to help themselves into a healthier lifestyle. So he and his son-in-law who is an endocrinologist have been brainstorming on what equipment would be best for kids. Jump ropes are a given but he still has to find things that will interests kids enough to use regularly and could possibly grow with the child. The son-in-law deals with hormonal therapy but he could see where his knowledge is also useful in managing the disease especially in patients who have a hypoactive thyroid and diabetes. They have to be treated a bit differently from a standard case."

Justin nodded. "Well based on the fact that most kids drop weight with growth spurts and by essentially staying active, I'd say in this day and age the best bet is to come up with an interactive video game which can include modified versions of the adult gym equipment. Only it's simulated and there's minimal risk of hurting themselves. You could make adventure games and dance games that way they're bound to appeal to kids on a larger scale and it won't seem like it's exercise which to most kids are boring."

"Adventure games, huh? Like Tomb Raider?"

Justin laughed while poking Brian in a sensitive area of his thigh. "You have to admit that game was fun."

"Yeah, right. I still don't understand how you could focus on that game for more than an hour at a time, dance, drug and fuck with me and still score a 1500 on your SAT. "'

"What can I say? I was a genius."

Brian leaned down and kissed the top of Justin's head. "You still are."

"I don't know about that since I agreed to take a meeting with Brett and Connor at the Four Seasons on the 29th."

"Wait. Brett Keller and Connor James are coming to New York to meet with you? For what?"

Justin huffed out a deeply-drawn breath. He already knew Brian would not be happy. "It's actually a two-fold meeting. First and the good news is they have started their own production company and they want me to design their new logo."

"That's great. Congrats, Mr. Taylor but I know there is more so spill."

"Okay so here it goes. Remember that phone call I received while we were blissfully naked Memorial Day weekend."

"The call from Michael? How could I forget? Go on."

"Well apparently, the two of them reached out to Michael to resume talks about making Rage into a movie. They already have the financial backing which could increase thanks to the Gay Equality and Marriage Initiatives and the strides being made every year."

"Again that's great but where do you fit into all of this benevolence being passed around?"

"When they approached Michael they made it clear that they wouldn't work with another illustrator except the one who made Rage happen. They're offering me a Creative Director position since I have the most clear vision of how everything should look. That's accurate since I created it but it would involve working closely with Michael again."

Brian's phone chirped then indicating a message. He ignored it but as usual Justin as the voice of reason chided him. So he listened to the voicemail and replayed it for Justin on speaker. Michael's panicked voice rang out loud and clear in the detailed message. "What did I tell you about talking up the devil, Sunshine?"

"That I should learn to keep my big fucking mouth shut." He smiled briefly but grew serious. "I'm willing to bet it's about the movie. Call him back, Brian."

"No."

"C'mon. You'll be doing me a favor."

"How so?"

"Because then I don't have to speak to him. Plus I would be very, very grateful if you did."

"How grateful?"

Justin laughed. "You're so fucking greedy. But then again so am I which means I'm bound to be very hungry by the end of the call."

"You'd better be," Brian mumbled all the while dialing Michael's number. "You want me to put it on speaker?"

He nodded. "Even though his voice is annoying and grates on my nerves, I think I should hear it all. It may help me to make my decision faster."

"Okay but no matter what you hear, Justin, he can't know I'm here. Okay?"

"I know, Brian." He smiled. "We're playing by our own rules right now but if the others find out, we'll be back to square one. And no matter how hard this has been, I wouldn't trade it. It's just us in this relationship which is how it should have been all along."

Brian nodded and dialed the number while giving Justin a reassuring squeeze. Yeah, Justin thought, gestures like that is what no one knows about us. And I like it like that.

"Brian. Thank God," Michael's voice came through loud, clear and urgent.

"Hey Mikey. What's up?"

"Every time I call you're always in a meeting."

"Yeah well. I do run my own business so that should be expected. If this is a chit chat call can we save it for another time. I'm heading into another meeting in a matter of five minutes. So talk quick."'

Michael laid out the whole story to Brian, never realizing that he was laying it all out to Justin as well. Brian stroked Justin's hair while the younger man fumed and listened intently to all Michael had said. He made the mistake of thinking that Justin was so desperate for Brian that he would do anything to keep connected to the comic based on him, even swallowing what was left of his pride to work with Michael and be content just to draw pictures of Brian.

"I know I was wrong for committing him but could you talk to him and make him understand what a big opportunity this is for me...I mean for both of us?" Michael pleaded.

"Michael what the hell were you thinking? Ted told me that he'd told you that the last issue of the comic was the end of his involvement in the franchise. Why would you just assume that Justin would blindly go along with what you wanted. From what I saw of the last issue, you couldn't get more final than that. And then to have it released on that date, Michael was unusually cruel and now you want me to encourage him to keep your promise to Brett and Connor? Again what the hell were you thinking?"

"Jesus, Brian, the kid will be fine. The main problem is getting him to agree to it. His artwork was amazing and distinctive as it was because he had a personal stake in the outcome."

"Really? I've always known Justin's work to be exceptional so I'm not quite following."

"You were the personal stake, Brian. Watching him draw you was like watching you two have sex no matter the scene he was working on; no matter how commonplace. It's what's always drawn people to the comic along with the content. It's also what's missing from all the artists I tried to find to replace that damn kid."

"First you probably shouldn't refer to him as ‘that damn kid' when you ask him to reconsider working with you. Secondly, why would you ask me to get involved in this?"

"Because he'll listen to you. He won't tell you no."

"What world are you living in, Mikey? Justin has always had his own mind. Half of our arguments were because he told me ‘no' about something. He's not mindless like you seem to believe him. He couldn't have ever held me if he was."

"Can you stop thinking with your dick and help me, Brian?"

"Oh...I see it now." Brian folded his lips inward to keep from yelling at Michael. "It's perfectly fine if I speak to him and not receive a bunch of shit for it when it benefits you but any other time you are willing to badger and bad mouth Justin because I chose him. Well sorry, Michael, but this is one clump of shit you're going to have to clean up yourself. Now I have to go. As it is, I'm late for my next appointment. I suggest you give him a call and try treating him like the man he is instead of the boy you always wanted him to be. Later, Mikey."

Brian disconnected the call and shut his phone off completely. He knew Michael would call right back as was his wont when he didn't hear the answers he wanted to.

Both of them sat there and absorbed all they heard in silence. Justin laid back against Brian again, his eyes closing in pleasure and relief as Brian massaged his scalp with strong sure fingers. Within the length of the phone call, his head had begun to throb.

"Whatever the outcome, Justin, you know I support your decision, right?" Brian didn't know what made him give that reassurance but he knew it was vital just then. He was finally beginning to unravel another piece of what Justin had been trying to tell him for years when he thought that it was a matter of jealousy on Justin's part.

"I know, Brian and I know that I can't ask your advice to make this decision. I can talk about my conflicted feelings with you and that's enough because you know where they stem from. But if there is one thing that I have learned being here, it's that I immediately look for the big picture instead of the small-scale ready-made solutions. This opportunity isn't a summer job. It's a huge undertaking and even if I hadn't heard Michael's comments, based on my schedule alone and all I've got going I can't devote the time that it will require and keep my businesses in tact. Michael doesn't understand because technically he didn't build his own business from the ground up- I did it for him and Buzzy before Michael changed the name to Red Cape Comics. Buzzy had already built a following for the store which included Michael as a patron. Sure he had the story but I made him an industry like we are even though he isn't as well off and probably never will be especially without this movie. I won't write it off completely because I may be able to do it later but for right now, it doesn't fit neatly into my life. A square peg will never fit into a circle, Brian. Brett and Connor will understand that because of all they're undertaking themselves."

"Good luck explaining it to Michael," Brian said cryptically.

"Personally as far as I'm concerned, Michael can suck several fat ones. However, professionally he's going to have to accept it because he doesn't have a choice. If Brett and Connor aren't willing to accept anyone in my place, what exactly can he do? I lose nothing by turning it down at this juncture and neither do they or their backers."

"You know he'll take it as a personal slight, right?"

Justin nodded. "Yeah, I know but I have to think of me and what's best for me and the people who work for me. Sometimes the amount of money offered does not justify the means to get it. This is one of those times."

Brian smiled. "How did you get so smart?"

Justin turned his mega-watt smile toward Brian. "I learned from the Master."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin's Journal- June 20th 2012

I gotta admit...this journal thing isn't half bad (there Nicole I said it-congratulations!). Even though I would still prefer to draw out my feelings, being able to process and list the things bothering me or affecting me in any way has actually improved my work. It's helped me to be more efficient in how I handle my everyday routine and pressures of building my businesses. But most of all it's helped me to say the things that need to be said even if I can't say them verbally. So in that respect it has been a godsend to have to do this.

I'm glad that I told Brian about the movie offer and what it would and could mean. I'm also glad that he understood my need to "talk" about it but not receive advice about it. He listened and understood my concerns especially after hearing what Michael had to say. Could he finally be catching the drift I've been throwing all these years? Time will tell I guess but that's neither here nor there. The fact is that I can't work with Michael right now. Not for professional reasons and most certainly not for personal reasons. My schedule is entirely too full and opportunities are constantly rolling in. As I told Brian, I can't force a square peg into a circle and the movie just doesn't fit into my life at this stage. Michael is going to have to accept it because there isn't a fucking thing he can do to change it. Also Brian has asked me to do the logos for Charles Duffy's campaign. In spite of everything I have going on, I happily and readily accepted. My grandmother has diabetes and had to have part of her leg amputated. I remember watching her struggle with Phantom Pain Syndrome in which her brain couldn't accept that her calf wasn't there anymore. So if I could spare someone that painful experience in anyway and at any age, I would do what I can for the cause. Brian is coming back to New York then so that I can meet with Duffy and his son-in-law to go over the particulars of what they want. Fortunately, Brian will be staying at the Four Seasons where my meeting with Brett and Connor will take place so that I can move seamlessly between the two. Surprisingly, Henry hasn't given me any shit about taking this on. He just requested that if I was going to run behind on anything else to let him know. I told him it should be fine and that between Amy and Joseph we should be able to cover the accounts. He said that I should consider hiring more staff. I told him to let me think about it for a few weeks and see what the talent is out there and I would let him know. Thankfully the New York appearances he's scheduled me for should yield results in that department but I'll still reserve judgment. The caliber of employees I have so far match my own work ethic and strive for excellence as much and as hard as I do. I can't have someone coming in to fuck that up no matter how talented they may be.

Back to my personal life.... It's difficult to be insatiably horny but your lover is 373 miles or roughly 6 hours away. It makes me almost want to take a flight twice a day. Foolish, I know but all the nameless fucks are a pain in the ass...figuratively, definitely not literally. Either way, this is my plight for now. Dick'em down, deliver and the detach then go home and speak to the only one whose name I want to remember. The only one whose name I sometimes want to forget. Repetitive cycle- yes since rewinding time isn't an option...but it's a necessary one for now.

More later....time to get to work! Success is calling!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Petulance in the Pitts- One Week Later

Michael arrived off the plane, explaining that he would see him at home. For Ben, it was fine since all he'd heard since boarding the plane was that Michael needed to head to the Diner to see Debbie and Ted. With Rage being made into a movie, Michael had to meet with Ted to see if their investments could hold up after production was finished so that Michael wouldn't have to do the Cons as much. Ben in essence was happy to let his worry-wort of a husband go off and play Executive Producer and leave him in peace to mull over his own upcoming projects.

Walking into the Diner, he felt the immediately felt assailed with the memories of life pre-Justin Taylor. That was happening more and more especially seeing Brian seated in the booth with Emmett and Ted. Finally, he's not in another fucking meeting!

"Hey guys."

"Welcome back, World Traveler," Ted said.

"Hey, Mikey," Brian said barely looking up from the paper.

"Hey Baby," Emmett said.

Michael looked at Em as if he expected him to give up his seat next to Brian. Realizing that it wasn't bound to happen, Michael slid into the booth next to Ted. "So what's been happening while I've been away?"

"Much of the usual, Michael," Ted said. "Work and occasionally Woody's. Other than that Em's business is thriving and it's the busiest season yet at Kinnetik."

"It must be because every time I call Brian at the office, he's in a meeting or about to go into one."

Brian spoke then. "Well you know, Mikey...Busy, busy. It's what pays the bills."

"Speaking of which, have you had a chance to talk to Justin yet?"

Brian closed the newspaper with a snap then. "First why would the word ‘bills' spark a conversation about Justin? You know what...never mind. The answer is no. I believe I told you that when you asked me to."

"What's going on, Michael and why would you ask Brian to talk to Justin on your behalf? I know you have his cell number. Why not give him a call yourself?" Emmett was genuinely puzzled.

"Rage is up for being made into a movie again. The problem is that the producers will not work with another illustrator except the kid. When I asked him to reconsider his decision, he said that he wouldn't. I thought Brian would advise him to do it. You know he always did what Brian said."

Brian dropped his head to hide his laughter and the look of mild irritation at the stupidity spewing from Michael. While Ted outright chuckled.

Emmett couldn't resist asking the follow-up question which made Ted chuckle harder. It was the same question he was on the verge of asking. "Michael, if you think that Justin doesn't have an original thought in his head, why on earth would you want to work with him or take the chance that he would fuck up?"

"It's what Brett and Connor insisted on."

"That makes sense," Ted finally regained himself. "Since he is the original illustrator for the franchise but there was a very good reason why Justin said no. He's booked solid and can't really devote himself to it."

"Oh come off it, Ted," Michael exploded. "How much could he possibly make selling art? He'd probably make more selling his ass."

The other three occupants at the table looked at him but it was Brian who spoke. "And you wonder why I wouldn't speak to Justin on your behalf? Why would I encourage him to work with someone who constantly belittles his talent? Oh and you should really level with Ted since he is also Justin's accountant but since you didn't allow me. Ted, the reason that Michael desperately needs me to speak to Justin for him is because Michael already promised Brett and Connor that Justin would do it even after Justin told him no. There, Michael, was the truth so hard to get out?"

"Michael, why would you do something like that?" Ted was appalled. He knew the full extent of Justin's finances and businesses and although he couldn't and would divulge that information to Michael, it was purely unethical for him to treat Justin as if his protestations didn't matter.

"Look, Ted they asked before I had even had the first conversation with Justin. It was an opportunity I thought he would jump at since it's not like he's famous or anything. I was doing him a favor."

"Oh sort of like the favor he did you by literally making you an industry?" Emmett chimed in. "You know, Michael, you should probably use that fancy computer of yours to do more than look at comic books or porn. Never mind, I have a smart phone. So I'll just type in ‘Justin Taylor' and let's see what comes up."

Emmett handed the phone to Michael, watching in satisfaction as his eyes widened. The other three at the table already knew most of what was written especially Brian and Ted since they basically lived and breathed Justin's business ventures. But since Emmett was much in the same predicament as Justin in building a business from the ground up, he used Justin as inspiration and so kept up with all of his appearances and accounts acquired. The boy- man- was doing his thing and still managed to build Michael a lucrative business in the process whether Michael appreciated it or not.

"Well this proves it," Michael said.

"What? What does it prove, Michael?" Ted asked genuinely confused.

"That you really can't trust anything found on the Internet. So Brian, when are you going to speak to Justin for me?"

The three of them burst out laughing and shaking their heads. "How about when hell freezes over and Satan regains his wings. I gotta go. Ted we have a meeting in about an hour. I know I don't have to tell you not to be late. Leo Brown is coming into the office. Did you leave the work-up on my desk?"

"Yeah, Bri they're there. I detailed a few items you may want to address personally with Cynthia. She agrees with me but you may want to get her thoughts on why personally."

"I'll do that. In the meantime, Emmett enjoy your meeting with Charlene and Liz. Leo's daughter is a real gem but she is her father's daughter through and through. She's known her husband-to-be since they were in grade school and is a lot like Daph and Justin without the whole gay/ fag-hag vibe. But they like take charge people- people not afraid to tell them the truth at all costs. So keep the flamboyance to a minimum but let the Queenery out in its full glory."

"Thanks for the advice, Brian and for the recommendation."

Brian held up his hand. "His wife remembered your work from the Auerbach opening and the reopening of Bloom's all those years ago and then Leo remembered the Kinnetik opening. You might want to thank Drew."

"Drew? Why?"

"After Leo reinstated Drew's original contract, they became good friends. He may not understand gay people but he respects those who love without reservation for societal convention. He and Charlene have a history similar to mine and Justin's only they live in Heteroville instead of Homo Village. Anyway, ask Drew for the rest of the story. You'll be surprised by what you may hear. Oh and fuck him to within an inch of his life or better yet let him fuck you to within an inch of yours Emmie-Lou. Later."

After Brian left, Michael resumed his complaints of how it isn't fair that he won't help him with Justin.

"We have to go, Emmett," Ted said. "It won't do for you nor I to be late. I personally don't need a new asshole so I would prefer for Brian not to chew me one. Michael, I wish you luck with all of this but you really have to fix it yourself. There isn't anything that Brian nor I can do."

Michael sat there, arms folded wondering how he was going to handle the mess he'd gotten himself in. Well he had until the 29th to figure it all out but hell or high-water he was going to be in that meeting.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Gift of Goodbye- Four-Seasons Hotel NYC

"If you tie and untie that fucking tie again, I'll strangle you with it," Brian said calmly as he watched his lover stress and obsess over the offending object.

There was no question that Justin was nervous. In fact, it was his ritual to find something to fixate on beforehand to get all of the anxiety within him out before conducting meetings or anything else of importance. But when it was time to stand and deliver, Justin did it with class and ease. Brian could never understand it but if it got Justin the desired results, he didn't have to. The problem was that today's fixation was the tie he'd helped Justin not a half hour before. He was sure that if Justin had been at his loft in Dumbo, the place would be spotless but Justin would find the non-existent dust.

"How the fuck can you be so damn calm?" Justin asked petulantly.

"Masturbation. It works wonders and by focusing constantly on the blow job you gave me in the shower. The sight of you on your knees..."

Justin laughed. "You fucking perv. You're such a dirty old man."

"But that's why you like me," Brian said as he put the finishing touch on his own tie. He turned from the mirror to look at Justin. "Come here," he said softly. Reaching out when Justin finally reached him from across the hotel room, he enfolded the younger man in his arms. Brian lowered his head until Justin looked into his eyes before he kissed him slowly and thoroughly until he heard the slight whimper and Justin relaxed against him. Only then did he raise his head again. "You're going to be fine. Stop anticipating the worse of what you know won't happen. Focus!" And he tied the tie again. When Justin went to reach for it, Brian lifted a single eyebrow causing Justin to shake his head and laugh.

"I hate you, you know."

"No you don't. You love me but seriously you're acting worse than Gus when he has to wear a suit."

"I don't know how you live in these fucking things."

"You'll get used to it. You're going to have to if your business keeps growing the way it has been. You can't very well be thirty years old and rock Hobo-chic wear while negotiating million dollar deals for yourself."

"That image is the reason I never went to Dartmouth."

"You didn't need Dartmouth. It would have been a waste of your time and talents. You just have to remember that you're capable of everything being thrown at you now."

"I do but I have a hard time saying no or disappointing people you know that."

"Yet you have no problem telling me no."

"You don't count. I've seen you naked," Justin joked.

Brian laughed. "Likewise, Sunshine. And if I'm not mistaken you've also seen Connor James naked so that statement doesn't signify. But seriously, you're only human. You said it yourself that of anyone would understand what you're building it would be Brett and Connor. So what's really wrong?"

"Just nerves I guess."

"Well get over them. You're probably the most capable man I've met- other than myself of course."

Again he caused Justin to laugh. "Oh yes, of course, Mr. Kinney. Anyway, I know I'm doing the right thing in turning it down and even managing to save Michael's lying ass in the process by taking it all on me. But he won't see it that way at all. So you be prepared for a massive tantrum when you get back to the Pitts."

"I can handle Mikey but you might want to ignore his calls for awhile., delete all emails before reading them and don't listen to any of his voicemails. So how do I look?"

"Like a million bucks."

"Hey. Don't sell me short," Brian said smiling. "And for the record you look pretty fucking hot in that suit."

"Really? How hot?"

"I'd fuck you."

"You already do and well I might add," Justin said as he put his arms around Brian's neck and pressed his lips against it.

"If you don't stop that, we'll both be late for our meetings."

"No chance of skipping them, huh?" Brian's hazel eyes frowned into his own. "Oh alright, Killjoy Kinney, let's go," Justin said causing Brian to chuckle behind him.

They walked into the dining room of the hotel, pausing at the entrance to wait for the hostess. Justin noticed the discreet and not-so-discreet glances being given them but one particular glance caught his attention.

"What is it?" Brian asked so attuned to his partner that he didn't even have to look or touch him to know something was increasingly wrong.

Justin lowered his voice while turning to look Brian straight in the eye. "Did you know he'd be here?"

"Who? I don't see Duffy and his son-in-law yet and although I don't remember what Keller looks like, I don't see Connor James."

"They aren't here yet but your best friend is." Fuck!

"Sunshine, don't you think if I knew, I would have told you?"

Justin examined Brian's intense gaze. He knew Brian would have told him but sometimes Brian tuned out when Michael spoke or tended to hear things subconsciously that he immediately disregarded if he deemed it unimportant. Justin could see that this wasn't one of those times.

"Well there's no help for it now at any rate. Might as well get what has just become the hardest part of this over with."

"Do you want me to come?"

"Later," Justin said smiling and Brian wiggled his eyebrows. "But it would seem a little strange if you didn't at least go and say hello. Don't you think?"

Brian nodded and rolled his eyes skyward briefly, hating to acknowledge that Justin was correct. "I suppose it's best to get the scene over with now before he really causes a scene later."

As they headed toward the table with the lone occupant, Justin asked the hostess if she could let them know the minute Charles Duffy came in. She nodded and they moved off reluctantly to greet Michael. He started in right away.

"Brian! What are you doing here?"

"Funny. I was about ask you the same thing."

"As was I Michael," Justin said, displeasure clearly written across his features.

Brian placed a discreet but proprietary touch at the base of his spine which immediately calmed him but it didn't take away his anger in the least. Michael's smug answer didn't help matters in the slightest.

"Well since this is regarding Rage and we'll be working on the movie together, I thought I should be included."

At first Justin just looked. He was angry but also stunned speechless. Brian for his part, looked away with a tongue-in-cheek expression while keeping his palm in the same position it had been. When Justin finally spoke, it caused Brian to look at him intently. He knew that deadly calm voice as well as his own. Fuck. Shit. Damn, Mikey.

"So you took it upon yourself to invite yourself to a meeting that you know full and well will not have the results you want?" Justin took a deep breath before continuing. "Michael, you know there isn't going to be a movie made at this time. I told you that I would NOT be participating in anything regarding the franchise again. You knew that so again, why. Are. You. Here?"

"I've already told Brett and Connor that you would do it."

"You what?" Justin's sharp voice drew a few quizzical glances from nearby patrons and he immediately brought his tone level again. "Michael, you had no right to speak for me. In addition to that, you knew the answer before this was even brought to you. You could have saved yourself and me a lot of trouble. Now once again, someone will have to fix the mess you created."

"Why don't you just do it, Justin? It's not like you have anything better to do. Or are you fucking Brian again and getting paid for it this time?"

Justin was about to answer Michael but Brian saved him the trouble. "You know, Mikey, your accusation is not only misinformed and misguided but slanderous. You should really watch yourself."

"Once again you step in to defend the fucking and sucking twink. And you never did answer my question of what you were doing here...with him?"

"That's because like most things, Michael, it isn't any of your fucking business," Justin said. "For the record, Brian and I are here for a separate meeting in addition to this one. Now I will tell you this once more because apparently you have become hard of hearing. I'm not doing it. I was going to say that I might in the future but thanks to your own disparaging comments about this ‘fucking and sucking twink' you can now kiss the opportunity goodbye for good. I will NOT under any circumstance work with you again."

"Hey guys, what's going on?"

The three of them were so engrossed in their conversation that neither heard nor saw Brett and Connor's approach. Justin recovered first.

"Brett. Connor. It's good to see both of you again." He extended his hand, all business. "You remember Brian, Brett I'm sure but Connor had never met him."

WASP manners on full display, Justin took charge of the meeting making the necessary introductions and deliberately ignoring Michael in a fashion that he couldn't be sure he was being slighted. Brian knew all too well what that felt like having been on the receiving end of Justin's cold shoulder more than once. He inwardly chuckled in relief that it wasn't him this time. The waiter came over to take their drink orders and the meeting commenced in earnest.

Brian let a lot of the formalities of the conversation flow over him. Justin was amazing in making sure that Brett and Connor were taken care of and advised that although he would probably have to cut lunch a little short due to another meeting, he would cover lunch. But he couldn't lie to himself and say that he was entirely comfortable being at the table with Connor James. The intense way that Connor watched Justin pissed Brian off. Once again Brian could lay the lesbianic feelings at Justin's door. Brian Kinney did NOT do jealousy. But then it was the knowledge that Justin had let Connor inside of him. At base he couldn't blame the man for wanting a repeat performance. Justin was an amazing fuck- attentive, tight, insatiable. Brian was positive that Justin didn't even bottom for that Gold character but...

Justin, picking up on Brian's sudden mood change, placed a soothing hand on Brian's thigh. He knew what Brian was thinking and remembering. He threw a reassuring smile his way and felt Brian relax instantly. He was even more glad for their ability to communicate without words. Looks, touches and eye contact always said more than vocal reassurances for them.

You don't have anything to worry about, you know?

Yeah. I know, Sunshine.

Then stop thinking about it and pay attention. I need you.

The slight nod was enough of an acknowledgment for Justin that Brian understood.

"It's crazy that even after all these years you guys make such a stunning couple," Brett remarked.

Michael scoffed but Brian silenced him with a look. Justin took the time to address Brett. "You know our policy on relationships, Brett."

"Ah- that's right. The art of the non-relationship. Perhaps I should try that."

Connor laughed. "Except that his boyfriend won't let him." Then he threw Brett a heated look.

"No way. You two finally made it official?" Justin asked. He'd always suspected that it there was hidden meaning and innuendos in their interactions.

"Yeah. It's official privately but you know the Hollywood game. But we're still in an open-relationship," Connor said deliberately.

It was not lost on Brian but it was consciously ignored by Justin. No fucking way. "Yeah I remember it all too well. Which brings us to the reason you guys are here in New York in suits."

"Have you given any more thought to the proposal, Justin?" Brett asked. "I know you're extremely busy lately. I caught the show in L.A. last year. You do pretty fucking amazing work, my friend. I bought the three mixed-media pieces. Fucking phenomenal. I couldn't resist spending the obscene amount for them. And even though one by itself was amazing, I couldn't not have the entire collection. In fact their being used in V-Men."

Justin smiled brightly at Brett. Those three pieces totaled to almost fifty grand. "Well I'm glad you're enjoying them. I did those right after I came back from London and they were the last collection to be put together. Found a lot of inspiration there at the Gallery and riding the London Eye." Yep , giving Brian a blowjob in broad daylight over looking London as far as the eye could see was definitely inspirational. Brian squeezed his thigh as if he heard the thought and Justin's already wide smile broadened marginally while Brian chuckled low.

"So what's next for you?"

"Another show in L.A., one in Milan and I'm going back to London for a show. Also since the Toronto show was canceled this year and arranged for the same time next year, I picked up a few commission and of course JT Designs has picked up a few new accounts, your company KellJay is included in those. Which is why I can't devote myself to making Rage into a movie right now. I would have if I could spare the time but at this rate... it's just not possible. In fact there's a joint account between Kinnetik- Brian's company- and JT Designs that's going to be discussed today regarding childhood diabetes."

"Although, we're disappointed, we both understand," Connor said. "We've heard of the buzz you created long before the show last year. In fact quite a few of our mutual friends have had paintings created by you. There was a collection of three when you first came out that I wanted but someone beat me to them."

"Really? Which ones?" Justin was genuinely curious. He'd never pegged Connor for an art enthusiast. Brett certainly, but never Connor James action hero extraordinaire.

"They were titled Until Then, Aftermath and Journey. I knew you were talented but those three, they reached out from wherever you painted them from and gripped the viewer immediately."

"Thank you so much, Connor. It's nice to know that they were appreciated. Those three were especially special to me and some of the hardest to let go of," Justin said quietly and felt Brian's hand grip his briefly.

"I'll bet they were. But listen, let's revisit this Rage idea in a couple of years. It's a movie that deserves to be made and since it's roughly based on you guys' story which is compelling in itself, it deserves all of our full-attention. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Justin said.

"Michael, does that work for you as well?" Brett asked.

"Since you all are so busy, I guess it has to," Michael said.

Either Brett and Connor deliberately ignored the bitterness in Michael's voice or they didn't know him well enough to detect it. But Brian did and he couldn't sit there any longer and not speak on it. "Michael, a word?"

Rising from his seat abruptly, he felt Justin tug gently at his pant leg. When he bent down to hear what Justin said, he was so fucking tempted to kiss him. He knew Brett and Connor were together and maybe would have considered a foursome with them a year ago since both men were attractive with blue eyes- not as blue as Justin's- and were obviously fit. But no. Justin was his! Whereas Brian Kinney was not adverse to sharing men before, he was NOT sharing Justin. It was different if he came upon Justin fucking someone and decided to fuck Justin while he was doing the other guy. That was different but to willing swap Justin for another guy- those days were over. Brian really didn't know how to process the newfound jealous and possessive streaks within himself but Michael was about to bear the brunt of his annoyance because of it.

Moving to the quickly to the vestibule of the restaurant, he calmly but hastily led Michael to the outside entrance. Pulling a cigarette out of the inside of his suit jacket, he slowly lit it and drew a few calming puffs from it before he finally spoke. "What the fuck is your problem, Mikey?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," came the whiny reply.

"Don't bullshit me, Michael. I know you. What is it this time? Jealousy? Envy? What? From where I'm standing you should be overjoyed."

"Yeah and why is that?"

"Well now you don't have to worry that Justin is here with me for my money. Wasn't that the first assumption you made when you saw us enter the restaurant? That's what you said, isn't it?"

"What the fuck is going on with you, Brian? Are you back with Justin? Didn't you learn anything from the last time he left you?"

Oh yeah. I learned a lot then and learning even more now. Instead of voicing that thought he said what he had told Michael what he always told Michael. "It's none of your fucking business, Michael. Do I ask what you and the Professor do?"

"That's different and you know it."

"Do I? No- I DON'T and you want to know why....because it's not my business." Brian shrugged nonchalantly but he felt everything but indifferent.

"Look I gotta go. My plane is leaving soon."

"Okay. I'll say good-bye to Brett, Connor and Justin for you." Brian moved to hail a cab which stopped almost immediately. "I'll call you when I get back. Maybe we'll go for a drink or something."

"Alright."

"Have a safe trip home, Mikey," Brian said.

When he arrived back at the table Justin asked, "Where's Michael?"

Brian leaned over and kissed Justin full on the mouth, not caring that Brett and Connor were still at the table. A little moan escaped him at the taste of his lover's plush lips and his relief that they didn't have to pretend for Michael's sake anymore. "Zephyr is on his way home." And Brian kissed Justin's smiling lips, his message received loud and clear.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

New Me, Old You- December 2012/ January 2013

Brian's POV

I have to admit....sometimes I really love Skype but there are nights like tonight that I hate the fucking thing. It worked perfectly for me to say Happy New Year in advance to Sonny Boy. He can never stay awake long enough to see midnight. That hasn't changed since he was a baby. I suppose I should be thankful for that one consistency in my life. My ‘wrinkled little time-clock' is growing up so damn fast. Hard to believe he's twelve but that's enough of that otherwise I'll be tempted to take every drug with an alphabet as its name and I've pretty much given up those. I still indulge occasionally but it's a lot less than it used to be... A LOT less. It's kinda weird but a good weird in that I don't feel like I need to be detached as much.

I don't really like or celebrate holidays but this one is kind of special. And it would be even better if I could reach that fucking twink on Skype but I can't. It's almost five in the morning in Milan, which is where he is. I wish I could've answered the phone when he called earlier but I was securing the Outrigger Hotels account. By the time I called him back, the circuits were busy there. Now they're busy here-everyone wishing everyone else a Happy New Year. This is the first time since he's left the Pitts that I haven't spoken to him on New Year's Eve. It's weird. I don't exactly believe in luck or any of that other horseshit people put their faith in but Justin and Gus have been the two things in my life I've done right. Sure Justin and I have had a bumpy road and it's bound to get worse but first and foremost, I consider him a friend- a true, non-judgmental, in-it-for-me-not-what-he-can-get-friend. That alone makes knowing him worthwhile to me. Fucking him into the mattress...or on the table...or through the damn floor ...or against the fridge or- okay Kinney-DAMN!- is the added benefit.

Reaching for my cell, I can't help the slight hitch in my breathing when it reads ‘New Message- Justin.' What the actual fuck??? These past six months we have literally been reduced to missed calls, horny emails and text messages, quickie business calls and the occasional voice call which are few and far between. Skype as much as it had been apart of our daily routine isn't always so convenient right now.

Justin: Hey Brian! Happy New year! I've been trying to get through for hours without luck. Hopefully this has gotten through.

Brian: Hey there, Sunshine. Happy New Year to you, too! Obviously it's gotten through if I'm texting you back. Sorry I couldn't answer the phone earlier. Kinnetik got the Outrigger account so we were working out the details. How's Milan?

Justin: Congrats on the Outrigger account "Billionaire Brian!" Are you sure you really want to know how Milan is for me?

Brian: Well I asked, didn't I?

Justin: Fine but don't say I didn't warn you. I'm lonely as FUCK in this beautiful city. I miss you (wasn't this one of the things we said we would never tell each other because it solves nothing- but you had to ask), I'm also horny and I can't bring myself to want to indulge even though most of the guys I've seen are porn-worthy.

This shouldn't bring a smile to my face but it does. A BIG fucking smile.

Brian: Aw.. Poor Widdle Sunshine can't get his dick sucked tonight...LOL

Justin: Asshole...LOL Did I mention that I sooo hate you right now?! You're probably all fucked up and fucked out.

Brian: Nope. Not fucked up and for the moment fuck-less.

Justin: What?! Are you alright? What's wrong?

Justin: Brian Kinney NOT fucking is a scary motherfucking thing!

Justin: Shit I need to get the first plane out of here!

Justin: Seriously, are you OKAY?

Justin: Goddammit, Brian! Type something!! Anything!! Oh Fuck!

Now I know I shouldn't laugh but I kinda can't help it at this point. Who knew me NOT fucking would send Justin into hysterics.

Brian: Sunshine, everything is FINE!! I would have typed that four texts ago except you would let me type a word edgewise.

Justin: Then why aren't you making your nightly tribute at Babylon? What's wrong, Brian?

Brian: Nothing. Seriously. There just wasn't anyone that I wanted to do there tonight. Besides I didn't really want to be there. I went to appease the guys but then I came home. I had been trying to call you.

Justin: So it's my fault? ;-) Okay I'll accept full responsibility for your fuck-less state.

Brian: LOL! I thought you might after all you're so gracious.

Justin: Will you please take your tongue out of your cheek? You know what the image does to me.

Brian: Why do you think I do it?

How crazy is it that he knew I was doing that when most of the time I don't even realize it.

Justin: Because you're orally fixated. You always have to be doing something with your mouth. I can think of a few better things you can do with your tongue than molest the inside of your cheek or that bottom lip you probably have caught between your teeth as you wait for me to send this. Or you're probably biting the tip of your thumb right now.

I couldn't help but laugh. Yeah I did all of that. It's sometimes still unnerving to think he's been observing me over these years as closely as I have him.

Justin: So what are you wearing?

Ah- Sexting...it's gonna be a fun night!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Daphne's New Groove- April 2013- NYC/Dumbo

"I feel like I barely see you anymore, Daph." Justin said over the breakfast nook at his Loft.

"And whose fault is that ‘Captain Kirk'? Your distant time zone traveling ass is barely in New York anymore. I thought the plan was for you to stay put for awhile when you had this place remodeled."

This was the first time they were able to catch up since the New Year. With his schedule and Daphne building her career as a trauma surgeon, they barely had time to speak on the phone three times a week, let alone see each other, but their friendship was as tight as it's ever been.

"That was the plan. But you know what the Yiddish say."

"Yeah. Man plans, God laughs. He must be in fucking hysterics at my life right now. I thought that things would be more level once I graduated and completed my residency but the competition is fierce and as the only woman, there's no time to stop proving myself."

"But it's what you've always wanted, isn't it?"

"Yeah, Justin which is why you should be careful what you wish for." She took a sip of the fresh-brewed coffee. "It isn't that I don't like my job or love what I do because I do. There is nothing like knowing that you can help someone. It's that I barely have time for myself most days. Hell when I finally do sleep, I'm waking myself up reciting medical terminology."

Justin laughed. "Well then all the torturous nights you kept me up grilling you on med terms has paid off in spades."

"Shut up, Asshole," she said chuckling at the shared memory. "Anyway, Steve is pissed because I literally work myself into a coma. Someone could mummify me and I wouldn't know the damn difference while I'm asleep. We went to a movie the other night and I didn't make it past the dancing hot dog and bun preview."

"Damn, Daph. That's in what- the first thirty seconds of the previews?"

"Exactly, Jus. And it's not the first time."

"So why are you here, instead of spending time with your man on your first Saturday off since February?"

"He went to some wedding. I think Drew Boyd's ex is getting married today. I forget how Steve told me he and Drew met."

"I wonder if Em is with him. I know they were trying to get back together but you know Emmett."

"Yeah. Impulsive with everything except his catering business and Drew. How do you think the sex is seeming how he was publicly straight for a long time?"

"Daph...the mechanics for the bottom is a bit different but a top is a top no matter the gender beneath them and a hole is a hole. The method of entry is just... different."

"Daphne giggled. "I always wondered. I mean I'm in medicine so I know the basic mechanics but..."

"But what?"

"The prostate...is it really the male g-spot?"

"Hell YEAH! It is! And if the person knows what they're doing it should have the same effect as when your g-spot is mercilessly tormented." Justin looked up from his cup just then when she looked at him quizzically. "Wait, Daph...you've never..."

"Of course, I have but that was a long time ago."

"At the risk of sounding like a nosy fuck- but remember you opened this door- when was the last time you uh...uh..."

"Had a full body orgasm? You can say it, Justin. Hell I have no illusions left in my life thanks to walking in on you and Brian countless times."

"You know you enjoyed the sight." They laughed, each remembering the shocked, horrified, reluctantly intrigued and thoroughly embarrassed look on her face when she first saw Brian and Justin fucking hard in the elevator at the Loft. Poor Daph wanted to look away and couldn't. No Daph couldn't have any illusion left being part of Brian and Justin's world. "So? Answer the question."

"I fucking hate you, Justin. " She shook her head. "To answer your question, not since high school."

"But Daph...oh my God! You can't be serious!"

"Sadly I am. Lance was mediocre at best which is ANOTHER reason why his mother should have sucked and swallowed. Do you know that fucker actually said that fucking was for a man's pleasure and a woman should just lay still and take it. I mean, what the actual fuck?!"

Justin damn near choked on his coffee from laughing. "Yeah. That hillbilly had to fucking go. I still can't believe you told him he should have been swallowed though. Damn that was one for the record books, Daph."

"It's true. Idiots like him are a waste to the population and a detriment to independent women everywhere. They shouldn't be allowed to breed."

"So how is Steve?"

"I suppose he's fine. He's at the wedding remember."

Justin lifted an eyebrow. "Daphne you know good and hell well what I'm talking about."

She sighed heavily before answering. "See the thing is Jus... I work so much and he's a doctor, too although not in my branch of medicine."

"So you haven't fucked yet, is what you're saying?"

She nodded. "And that's where most of our problem is I think. It's not that I don't want to. In fact, I want to so much it's probably why I'm such a bitch at work. But on my days off I'm fucking exhausted. Once I lay down, that's it for me. I'm sleep."

"Who says sex has to be limited to the bedroom? You can fuck anywhere."

"No you can't. It's different for a woman."

"I wouldn't know." Justin cringed and was thankful in that moment that he was a man. "I'm sure Mel has fucked just about anywhere courtesy of her former relationship with Leda. Not sure about Lindz though. She's a WASP through and through."

"Hey so are you."

"I may have been raised one but being Brian's partner doesn't exactly inspire restraint." He smiled wide.

She smiled back. "I don't imagine it does ‘elevator boy.'"

"And London Eye boy and backroom boy and-"

"I get it, Perv." She laughed. "So what should I do?"

"Get somewhere where sleep is not an option and fuck his brains out. Jeez, haven't you learned anything from hanging with Brian and I?"

"Yeah, to walk around with blinders on and call out three times before entering a room with the potential for you two fuck like it's going to be outlawed in an hour. In the meantime, you never did tell me about the backlash from the meeting last year with Brett and Connor. How did Brian do?"

Justin couldn't help but laugh as he rehashed all the details leading up to Brian's very public claiming once Michael left.

"It was funny and a bit unnerving to see Brian jealous. The last time that happened it was during the "Ethan" nightmare but that was also different. He knew that I would be back. If he was jealous at all of Ethan it wasn't because of the potential to keep me or satisfy me sexually. Ethan was a cute kid capable of meaningless prose and bullshit."

"I could've told you that and he was intriguing to look at in the way a sewer rat is but he wasn't cute," Daphne mumbled and Justin laughed.

" You were just a Brian fangirl to your heart, not that I blame you. No one would have measured up in appearance. Anyway, Connor was a man- a good looking man- when I met him and he was a movie star. At the time I fucked Connor, Brian thought that I wasn't coming back even after the movie was done. So the idea that Connor had fucked me and still wanted to raised Brian's hackles a bit but he had nothing to worry about in that quarter. I wouldn't jeopardize what I have going with Brian for Connor in a million years. And yes it would just be scratching the proverbial itch which I do often when deprived of who I really want, but I couldn't do that again with someone like Connor. Besides Brian and I have a ‘no kissing' and ‘no bottoming' rule so even if I was inclined to fuck Connor again- which I most certainly am not- it couldn't happen because of my commitment to Brian."

"So do you think Michael knows that you and Brian have been going on all this time?"

"I don't think so. Brian and I have several joint business ventures going. Of course, I had the meeting with Brett and Connor- or should I say KellJay Productions because I also designed their logo- a meeting which Michael was not supposed to be there at all. But later that same afternoon Brian and I had another meeting right after. Michael was made aware of that. I'm not sure if he saw the rest of what was happening with Brian and I. Our non-verbal communication is just as strong- if not more so- than what we say. Brett and Connor remarked on it after Michael had left to catch his flight of which both Brian and I were relieved. It's like all the air gets sucked out of a room when he's around lately. And of course it was the same old song and dance with him about Brian's money and how I'm a whore."

"He's such a twat. I still don't understand how Brian can be friends with him."

Justin shrugged. "Their history is long and varied. When they had nobody else, they had each other. So that means something. In any event, Brett and Connor are fans of my work so I think that helped to quell anymore of Michael's slyly delivered digs at me. It's why they insisted that if the movie gets made that they wouldn't work with any other illustrator but me. A fact that gives Michael even more reason to be pissed off."

"All because you wouldn't work on the comic book?"

"Michael viewed it as a personal slight but then Brian and I had expected that. Brett and Connor understood though and to me that was most important. Truthfully, I've done enough for Michael and the franchise. He's a business owner in his own right and the sole distributor of the Rage comics. There really is no reason for him to disparage my character. He wanted JT and Zephyr's partner killed off, I did it so that it would free me from the obligation of having to work with him again. But now he wants a new issue showing Rage and Zephyr in a relationship like Rage and JT. I'm not drawing that. First off I can't imagine it. Secondly, I told Michael that the last issue I would draw was the one that killed off mine and Ben's characters. I advised him to find someone else who can follow the blueprint I set to the letter but he's unwilling to do that and I won't be backed into a corner. Hell if I didn't sacrifice my business ventures to be with Brian, what the hell made Michael believe I would do it for him?"

"Honestly, I think something is wrong with him. Not just because he's a weasel in human form but clinically."

"I know, Daph. I've had the same thoughts from time to time but it's not my place to say anything. I just do what I'm going to do and leave Michael to those who actually love him but I can't fix their denial. I won't even try."

"Well for what it's worth, Justin, I'm proud of you and even prouder to call you my best friend."

"Thanks, Daph. I feel the same way about you. Why don't we veg out and watch a couple of movies since neither of us know when we'll be able to relax again? I promise not to get pissed if you fall asleep on me." Justin batted his long eyelashes as Daphne laughed. She really did love the blond pain in the ass.

"Sounds great. I'll get the popcorn going, you order the pizza."

And they set out to make the most of their short time together; knowing that success would be calling them again all too soon.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Justin's Journal- August 23rd 2013

Since this is the only real place I can be honest, let me be JUST that. I am dreading the Toronto trip. The show I am actually looking forward to. Since the original show was canceled last year, I've added nine more pieces to the collection for an even twenty. Not bad, even with all the other things I've had going on. The problem is that I really don't want to stay at Mel and Lindsey's place. I know they have the room but I don't want to be hounded every minute of the day. Sometimes I just need to breathe without having to explain why I'm doing so. With Mel being a lawyer she has this concrete reasoning thing with her- that everything MUST have rhyme and a reason. In my case it's when I'm able to just be still and silent that inspiration hits me and helps me to regroup and refocus. Sadly, I can't tell them that because it's their house. Either way I'm keeping my room at the Ritz just in case because with them, you just never know.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Trouble Brewing in Toronto- September 2013

"You think you could have asked me first, Lindsey?"

"Why would you ever imagine that I would have since I live here, too. Besides, Justin is our friend and you've never had a problem with him staying with us before."

"I have a new case and having a guest, with the kids running around... it was just really inconsiderate of you, Lindz."

Lindsey turned a look of pure vitriol on Melanie but calmly said, "I can't see why it would bother you at all. The kids sure don't or the fact that everything is done by the time you get home from work or the fact that you get to work your job at a full schedule while I get to be your live-in nanny. Now, since Justin's show is at the gallery I work at part-time, and he was asked to do it, I felt that he should stay with us. If you have a problem with that, tough titty. The end."

Melanie blew out a deep sigh. Lindsey just didn't get it. The only good thing about this week was that Brian wouldn't be coming for Gus' birthday because he was in Hawaii on business. Jesus what a life. I work my ass off and can barely afford to pay my share of the expenses. Yet he gets to fucking go to Hawaii whenever he goddamn wants, probably fucking and sucking the entire time. Asshole. She dared not voice such sentiments to Lindsey. She would just defend him as she always did.

There was no question that she was proud of Justin. In her opinion the best thing he ever did was drop Brian and pursue his own goals which he came damn close to giving up to be Mr. Justin Kinney. She still couldn't believe that Brian proposed in the first place but he would have just dragged Justin down; made him an extension of himself. As it was, according to Michael and Lindsey, they had some business dealings. Melanie already had one little Brian Kinney roaming the halls of the Tudor-style two story house, she didn't need a second one. She headed to her office at the back of the house and slammed the door.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Let the games begin- Toronto- September 12th 2013

Lindsey was just taking the pot roast out of the oven when the doorbell rang. Shucking off her apron, she finger combed her hair and smoothed her clothing. Gus and JR was due back in about a half hour and she wanted to have Justin settled in by that time. Lindsey's day was always planned down to the nanosecond so everything should be timed perfectly.

She gave one more check of the furniture on her way from the kitchen. She was extremely excited to be entertaining someone other than her kids and their friends. The fact that it was Justin was an added bonus. She hadn't seen him in years except by way of articles. She smiled to herself thinking of how far he'd come since that first art show at the Gay and Lesbian Center she encouraged him to enter thirteen years ago. Gus was newly born and Brian was...Brian. She smiled fondly at the memory. They all had come so far in their lives but none further than Justin Taylor.

So she was surprised when opened the door and it wasn't the object of her anticipation but the father of her son. Shit. Melanie is going to have a fit.

"Hey Wendy."

"Brian, what are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be tanning yourself in sunny Hawaii until the end of next week." She returned the kiss to her cheek he leaned over to give her while toting in his suitcase.

"I actually got finished with the campaign a little earlier than scheduled and decided that it would be good to spend the week with Gus before the second leg of the trip commences. I'm not due in Fiji until the first week in October. You kinda don't realize how big the Outrigger Resorts chain is until you actually have to work on it. The only reason I'm going to Fiji is because they just remodeled a section and I need to know how to market it."

"Wow. You're really building up your empire. I can't say I'm not a little jealous."

"Don't be, Lindz. Never that."

"You're achieving everything you set out to achieve, Brian. You can't blame me if I'm just that tiniest bit envious of that."

"It's not too late for you to do what you want, Lindz. You do know that, don't you? You have to be happy with your life, too. You have that right."

"I am. I have a roof over my head and the kids. What's there not to be happy about?"

"If you say so but make sure that you stay happy, not for them but for you. Gus is growing fast and you don't want to be all thumbs when the time comes for him to leave for college- wondering what your life could have been." The doorbell rang again just then. "I'll get it. By the smell in here, you have a "Death by Chocolate" cake in the oven."

Lindsey laughed and looked at her watch. "Your nose amazes me, Brian. That should be the kids home from swim practice. They usually leave their keys home when they go."

"Don't worry about it. Go get my cake." And he hip bumped her toward the kitchen.

As she was taking the cake out, she remembered the other person who might have been at the door. Shit! Lindsey rushed out of the kitchen just as Brian opened the door. Then she realized that she wouldn't have wanted to miss this particular sight for the world. The bluest eyes she'd ever seen devoured Brian and she would bet the hazel eyes so like their son's did the same. Time stood still as Lindsey watched the exchange. Although she couldn't hear what was being said, she could feel the instant charge in the air that always, always accompanied Brian and Justin when they were in close proximity. It crackled around them with the thrill of anticipation and radiated outward to those who observed them....unrestrained energy- heavy and addictive in its potency. The minute they touched, the sparks flew and Lindsey couldn't take her eyes from the scene even if she wanted to. The awareness and urgency transfered between them like it was just waiting for them to make contact. And they did. It was poignant and sweet and sexy and Lindsey found herself wishing for it.

"Lindz, did I hear the doorbe- oh my God. What the hell is he doing here?"

"He's staying the week. The first leg of his campaign finished a little early so he came up. I told him he could stay here." Lindsey smiled benignly although she felt anything but.

"And Justin? Does that mean you're going to send him to a hotel?"

"Melanie, look a little closer at the scene before you and tell me if you think I should send Justin to a hotel."

It was then that Melanie noticed who Brian was kissing in earnest. Justin Taylor was always beautiful but his features had matured in a way that added to that beauty. Chiseled chin, built-up frame and his hair....sunshine gold and wheat- in a word: stunning. She watched as Brian and Justin finally released each other. His cerulean blue eyes once again looked into Brian's face and that mega-watt smile they all loved was firmly in place. The red of his kiss-swollen lips matching the pink tint of arousal evident in his face.

"Brian, you ass, let him go so he can actually greet the people who live here," Melanie said as she shoved him to the side to embrace Justin. "It's great to see you, honey. My God, look at you! All grown up."

"Yep. And yet I kept my youthful beauty," Justin joked. "I know it's kind of hard to believe I'm a little older than you all were when we all met."

Lindsey put her arms around him and squeezed him tight. "And we are so proud of all you're doing and becoming. Success looks good on you, Justin."

"Aw thanks, Lindz. Oh and I have something for you later. I have to get it out of the car. Remind me to give it to you on the way to the gallery. By the way, has any of the shipment arrived yet?"

She nodded. "Just this morning but there's no rush. How many are we expecting?"

"Twenty altogether. I only put two per crate because a couple of them are massive."

"Wow! That's incredible! I thought it was just going to be the original eleven."

"I had started more when I came back from London last year so I finished those and decided to add them to this show instead of display them in L.A. and Milan at the beginning of the year. The other shows sold out so it was kinda providence that I had already worked those up and finished them."

"I'll say. And how's the business thriving?" She ushered them all to the living room. Lindz was extremely excited to hear about it. The last time Justin had visited it was only an idea and he managed to make it a lucrative business.

"JT Designs is doing exceeding all of my expectations and I'd like to thank both you and Brian for that. I remember when you and I talked about it, Lindz and then you passed the info onto Brian. The clients that you both referred are still with me and it's working out well. I've even managed to hire more staff which my agent is extremely happy about so that he can bug the hell out of me whenever he feels like it and I'll actually pick up my cell phone."

"Which reminds me, I'd better check in the with office. Duffy is sending over some paperwork that requires our signatures, Justin."

"Tell Cynthia to email it if he faxed it. I bought my computer and travel printer. Then we can fax it back directly. It seems I can't travel without the damn things lately."

"Wait. You two are on a business venture together?" Melanie asked. "I thought you were doing Rage."

Justin smiled knowing exactly where she'd gotten her misinformation from and why. He passed a look to Brian: Here we go... "No. I met with Brett, Connor and Michael and explained why it wasn't possible for me to accommodate the scheduling. They wanted to start in March of this coming year. Between all of the shows, JT Designs and other business ventures- including a newly acquired real estate company- I simply can't do it. I told them maybe in a few years but that's not a guarantee either since technically ‘Justin Taylor' is an industry now a lot like the Kinnetik, Corporation. Speaking of which, Brian you should put all call into Myrna. She had some questions about the last contracts you sent over. I told her to call Legal but she said she wanted to ask you directly rather than go through two million of the suits you have working for you when she'd just end up speaking to you directly anyway. Based on what she said, I take it Maserati is up for renewal?"

Brian nodded his head. "Very good, Grasshopper. You're timeline as always is exact. They want to renew the copyrighted work but that's up to you. I'll put the call into her first so that if the contract needs revising, I can have Cynthia and Ted work the sledgehammer in the form of pink slips."

Justin laughed. "Idiot. You know you're not going to fire anyone if it doesn't cost you money but time is of the essence on this one. The deadline is next week. So if you're going to secure my copyright for another two years, you should listen to the terms and conditions very, very closely." He finished with a huge smile.

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing. It's just that my fee has increased slightly."

"How slight is slight?"

"It's now a total of five percent on the shared profits which would put my share at the original twenty percent I asked for and ten percent on my fee. The fee of course is non-negotiable but the shared profits is as long as it increases since it's been two years at a consistent build, Mr. Kinney. Any questions from my end?"

"You do drive a hard bargain, Mr. Taylor."

"I learned from the Master. Myrna has some other questions though which also include info from the other joint ventures."

Melanie and Lindsey listened attentively as Brian and Justin conducted business as if they were partners of long-standing. Technically they were but their dynamic had changed drastically. It was obvious from their greeting that they still loved and cared for one another but gone was the struggle for dominance since there wasn't a need for one. They weren't in any relationship except where business was concerned.

"Jesus, Justin. Now I understand why you can't afford the time to do Rage anymore," Melanie said. "But I'm a little curious where you got all this knowledge of contracts and percents and... good God, man. I got a little sick just hearing it all. You're as well-versed as Ted."

Justin smiled at the compliment- or at least he took it as such. "I've always had a fundamental knowledge of standard business practices since my dad started his store. It had always been his plan that I take over Taylor Electronics which is why he pushed the issue regarding Dartmouth so hard. But instead I chose to pursue art since technically going to Dartmouth and majoring in business would have been a waste of my time and his money. Sadly, he didn't see it that way. Contrary to popular opinion, when Brian and I were together we had a lot of talks about business especially since part of his job as an Ad Executive was to create a budget to support the idea. Between him, Ted and my personal banker, my natural affinity for business became refined and now I apply it all of my ventures. And no matter how much I may trust my accountant, agent and attorney, I have enough knowledge to go behind them and ask questions if the terms are unclear. It was how I discovered that my first agent was under-negotiating my contracts and then collecting a commission on the back end of my work. Also it was with my current attorney that we discovered a loophole which allowed me to ride out my contract without having to use him and still keep my businesses going. The contract didn't contain and "Exclusivity Clause." It's very similar to the non-competition clause many firms use to keep and employee from double-dipping or delivering trade secrets to another company. Most artists and agents have that clause written in their standard contract. Fortunately for me, I didn't. He made the mistake of thinking that I was innocent and not very bright. Sometimes being a blond has it's advantage. The element of surprise is a gift in my case. He thought that I was automatically going to renew my contract and was sadly mistaken when I refused and advised I had both a new agent and attorney. He was not too happy since even then I was a lucrative client."

"Well I'm glad you two are able to work together without all the drama."

"We have a lot of the same goals where business is concerned which also translates into our lives outside of work."

"So are you seeing anyone?"

Justin smiled. "As a matter of fact, I am. Brian has met him and he likes him." He almost fell over at the incredulous looks on their faces. "We have a semi-open relationship with some rules but nothing too constricting."

"You sound like Brian," Melanie said snidely.

Justin kept his smile in tact. "Being involved with Brian had its perks. Besides I could think of a lot worse people I could sound like. For example: I could sound like Big Bird and Cookie Monster."

Melanie laughed begrudgingly while Lindz laughed outright. "Smartass," said Melanie.

"Hey you've known me for just shy of thirteen years and you're just figuring that out? Besides you love me. I know you do."

"Yeah we do but don't let that knowledge go to your head."

"I won't but one more thing about the Rage comics. If you have let Gus read them at all, do NOT let him read the last issue. Brian freaked out about it so I'm guessing Gus-Gus will do the same."

"We haven't let him read them yet but he's been asking. Why?" Lindz asked genuinely curious.

"Michael demanded that JT and Dr. Ken Kirchner be killed off. It's very graphic- cringe-worthy even. That's part of the reason why Brian freaked out. The other reason was the release date. It was that weekend."

Realization hit Lindsey first; Melanie caught on soon after. "Why would Michael... that's probably the most insensitive thing. But more importantly, why would you agree to it?"

"It was to be free of the franchise. I thought that if I gave Michael the ending he wanted most, which was for Rage and Zephyr to become a couple after their partners died that would be the end of the saga. However, he wants a new issue in which I have blatantly told him no and that he should find another artist to continue with the franchise if that's what he wanted. I'm done with it. I'm only telling you this part of the story so that if you should hear anything to the contrary, you would be able to tell fact from fiction. But mainly to alert you to the potential issue with Gus if he got his hands on the last issue."

"Well thanks for telling us, Jus. That's kinda creepy though, having to draw your own character in that way."

Justin nodded. "Yeah it was hard but the end justified the means."

They spoke for a few more minutes before Brian came in with Gus and JR. Gus was especially happy to see Justin. He asked if he was there with his dad.

"Not exactly Gus-Gus," He wasn't expecting the question from Gus. For Justin, not being able to watch Gus grow had been extremely painful. Brian kept Justin informed as did Lindsey but it wasn't the same. "I have an art show over at your mom's gallery."

"Cool. Can I go to the opening, Jus-Jus?"

Justin smiled at the familiar address, pleased that Gus remembered their special names for each other. Damn it has been so long! "If your moms say it's okay, I would be happy to have you there. Are you still drawing?"

"Every chance I get but not as much as I'd like. I just skipped another grade so the work is harder and then of course there's soccer and swimming and whatever mommy can think of to keep me busy."

"I remember that about ‘moms.' At least yours didn't put you in ballroom dancing,"Justin said laughingly.

"What?!" The look on Gus' face made him laugh even harder. "Moms please, please promise me there will not be any dance lessons. Can you imagine what would happen to me? Oh my God, please please moms, promise. My social life is completely at stake here!"

"Heaven forbid, you should actually get some culture," Melanie said sarcastically. "At this rate, you'll grow up like your father for sure."

"And just what is so wrong with that, Melanie?"

"You want me to put together the short list?"

"Oh my God. Will you two please cut it out? You're both ruining my most favorite part of this trip so far," Justin said. "So what else is new Gus-Gus?"

And Gus filled him in on just about everything including JR's crush at school which sparked a round of bickering that reminded Justin of his and Molly's relationship. JR who was usually slow to warm-up to people, also filled Justin in on the ins and outs of her life and that Uncle Brian was teaching her a few trick shots for her to use on the soccer field. It felt good to be there, where he had always imagined he would be nestled in between Gus and JR listening to their stories of their day-to-day. Yet, he couldn't stop a niggling of ...foreboding that kept digging at his gut. He couldn't explain it. So rather than focus and fixate on it, he shook the thoughts of ghosts and silhouettes from him and opted to live in the moment. To just be happy for the moment and live his most secret fantasy for just a little while. To just be.... And for the moment it was enough.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Game Changer- Gus' Birthday/ Opening Night- September 19th/20th, 2013

This is the end, hold your breath and count to ten

Feel the earth moving then, hear my heart burst again*

Justin knew he was dreaming. He knew it.

He was back under the streetlight outside of Babylon in the Pitts waiting....just waiting.... At the time he couldn't imagine what for but then the answer appeared. It was Brian. It seemed he was always waiting for Brian even while sleeping. At Brian's approach, he couldn't will his knees to move; couldn't do anything but stay in place while Brian prowled toward him like a panther stalking prey.... And Justin couldn't wait to be caught. Sure, he was scared but he wanted the beautiful man before him like he needed his next breath. His voice washed over Justin hypnotizing every one of his senses. Even then in the midst of a dream sequence he couldn't understand surfacing at the moment, Justin could feel the same anticipation and awareness; the hardening of his body as testosterone and adrenaline infused him and made him bold and adventurous. The adventure of course was losing his virginity but it was much more as he stood in front of Brian and had the conversation- the flirtatious banter that would change the course of their lives. Or perhaps put them where they needed to be. He could never say what made him trust Brian immediately when he didn't trust the other men who approached him or offered to take them home with him. But shutting the door to the Loft that night, was saying goodbye to childhood in every sense, not just getting fucked.

"Are you coming or going. Or coming and then going; or coming...and staying?"

The question that ultimately separated Justin's wants from his needs. Yes, he wanted Brian Kinney with a bone-chilling and singular focus but he needed him, too. Brian for all the craziness that surrounded him and he indulged in, was stable and consistent in his actions. Cold, calculating with cunt-tendencies certainly but at base, he and Justin were two sides of the same coin. Realism versus Idealism, Dark versus Light, Inexperience versus World-weariness, love versus lust- all that and more neatly packaged in the conundrum of Brian versus Justin. That's what many deemed him in reference to Brian... a problem. Even Brian did for a time. His parents certainly did- his dad still did but Jennifer didn't any longer. For Michael- always a problem. Being out and proud at school- a problem. An unsolvable, afraid but unwilling to hide, daring to be different and live his life... problem.

Each turning point in their relationship no matter how minute presented images within the REM cycle he hadn't been able to achieve for months. He wasn't sure if it was because exhaustion had finally caught up with him or if it was because of the familiar weight and heat in the bed beside him. The feelings engendered were just as vivid as the images were...as if they were happening to him all over again but he couldn't wake him up from it. He had to see.. To feel. To know why he was dreaming it and what it all meant. The King of Babylon contest. Brian's birthday. Justin asking Brian to the Prom. The last things he had memory of leading up to...

For this is the end, I've drowned and dreamt this moment

So overdue I owe them. Swept away, I'm stolen*

Holy shit! The images that were once jumbled- CLEAR. Oh. My. God. Vic. "The little chicken has become Cock of the Walk." Mom. "Oh honey, you look..Beautiful." Melanie. "I'd do him myself. Lindsey. "If I don't beat you to him." Debbie. "Sunshine." Emmett fussing with his hair and tie before introducing him as the cute little twink in the midriff tee and fatigues who ran up the stairs to get ready. He watched himself looking in the mirror one last time before going downstairs wishing that Brain would change his mind but knowing that he never would or that he would at least be downstairs to see him off but knew he wouldn't be.

Fuck. Shit. Damn. The prom... Magic Key or some such bubble gum teen, fucked-up song was playing. It didn't matter because Brian had walked in. Brian. Beautiful. Heads turning; his is spinning. Looks of shock and envy...jealousy radiating reaching out to him from Hobbs and his ilk. His approach.... The same feeling the night they met. Anticipation, awareness, adrenaline overload.... That light-headed, testosterone infused feeling again at the sight of the man he loved, would always love, the only one he would ever love.

"I thought you wouldn't be caught dead in a full of eighteen year olds."

"I thought I'd recapture my lost youth." The subtle fingering of his lapel as the dual meaning of Brian's statement aroused and awakened him. "You look hot, Daphne. I'd fuck you."

"You too, Brian."

"Mind if I borrow your date." Couldn't, wouldn't look away from the hazel gaze which held him pinned in place.

Hand grabbed, crowd parting....circle formed. "Save the Last Dance for Me." Who the fuck knew Brian knew the fucking Foxtrot?! Elegant, leading him with ease around the dance floor. Twirling. Joyous. Incredibly happy. Entranced and enthralled. A fucking living dream. Dipped and effortlessly lifted while spinning. Then.... Kissed thoroughly, completely...publicly claimed. And the look he longed to see finally shown to him. Brian loved me even then. Leaving the hall and walking Brian to the Jeep. Laughing. Singing.

Justin: "And don't forget who's taking you home."

Grabbed and held close.

Brian: "And in whose arms you're gonna be."

White silk scarf draped around Brian neck then carefully and sensuously placed on his own.

Justin: "Did you see their faces?"

Brian: "Yeah we gave them a prom they'll never forget."

Justin: "I won't forget it either. It's the best night of my life."

Brian: "Even if it was ridiculously romantic."

Brian bending his head, capturing his eyes- silently asking for...permission? One passionately given peck... and then another three seconds longer than the last because didn't want it to end.

"Later." Scarf entwined and held onto briefly as it was uttered.

Afraid to look away, walking on air.. "Later." Smiling. Turning around to chuckle in disbelief and then walking slowly replaying every moment, every scrap of memory from the time he arrived to watching him climb into the Jeep.

"Justin!"

NO!!

Let the sky fall, When it crumbles

We will stand tall and face it all together*

"Justin wake up,' Brian shook him and then endured the punch to the gut with good grace. He climbed out of bed and called again from a safer distance just noticing that his chest was wet too low to be from where Justin's head rested. "Justin, please. Wake up!! Damn it!

Brian left their room to cross the hall, grabbed a Dixie cup full of warm water. He knew whatever dream Justin was having held him completely paralyzed and he wouldn't be able to get out of it on his own. He knew it was harsh and could do more harm than good but it was the only thing that worked except punching him back. They'd gone that route, too and Brian didn't want to have to gut punch him the way Justin had just done him. With that in mind, he closed the bedroom door back so as not to cause panic within the household. This was a side of Justin that they wouldn't understand and frankly he didn't want anyone judging Justin for something they really have no idea about. When Justin still couldn't wake himself up, Brian threw the water on him. At first, he thought he was going to have to go back across the hall, but the blue eyes blinked open twice before Justin cursed. It was then that Brian knew Justin was cognizant of his surroundings. He couldn't stop the mental sigh of relief or the involuntary shudder that wracked him as he watched Justin sit up, wrapping his arms about himself. Brian knew he couldn't hold him or touch him until Justin came out of whatever place he was in and it hurt him not to be able to fix it. He would never be able to fix this for Justin- to wish it away nor erase it.

Where worlds collide and days are dark*

"Brian."

"I'm here, Sunshine."

"I remember....everything."

"Exactly which part of everything?" Brian dared not hope...

"Brian. Turn the light on and come sit next to me."

"You're sure you're ready."

He could hear the small smile in Justin's voice as he answered. "If you're asking am I going to knock you on your ass again, the answer is no. But I need you. I need to touch you. To see you. Please?"

Skyfall is where we start

A thousand miles and poles apart*

Brian did as he was asked but he didn't put on the over head light. Opting instead for the one that would cast him partially in shadow. He was torn about what Justin just revealed. In one instance, he was happy as hell if he'd gotten all of his memory back but on the other side of that, he already relived that moment in their lives over in his mind every year during the time since it happened. He was prepared for the inevitable feeling then and always managed to busy himself enough that he didn't dwell on it as much as he did in the first few years since the incident happened. But Justin hadn't had that opportunity....until now. Justin had asked very few things of him since their first meeting thirteen years ago. Things which didn't cost him a dime but was far more precious when given freely. This was one of those times. He could tell that as fearful as he himself was to hear it, Justin was equally afraid to have to relive it with his eyes wide open and memory fully intact. He owed it to him to listen and support him through it. It was more than a debt of gratitude from all the times Justin had been there for him. He had to be Justin's anchor- had to give to him what Justin had always given freely and unreservedly. So he would do what needed to be done, what Justin needed him to do which was be there.

Where you go I go, What you see, I see

I know I'd never be be me, Without this security

Of your loving arms, keeping me from harm

Put your hand in my hand, and we'll stand*

He seated himself directly next to Justin, aligning their bodies so that some part of them would always be touching no matter which way they moved. He took Justin's injured hand in his and resumed the massaging that Justin had been steadily doing since he'd woken up and wrapped his arms around his knees. When Justin spoke, he kept his eyes focused on him, looking for signs of an imminent panic attack. He spoke softly but clearly as he relived it and Brian finally saw through Justin's eyes the events leading up to the attack. When Justin got to the prom sequence he faltered and swallowed hard. Brian wanted to stop him but knew he couldn't. It was Justin's decision of whether he could continue or even wanted to continue or not. All he could do was be there to hold his hand and reassure him with his actions that he would be here when he was ready, no matter what he decided. He made the decision to continue and Brian supported him through it. When Justin broke down, Brian wiped and kissed his tears away, promising him that the worse was over and that he could really begin to heal; that it didn't change him or make him crazy... that he loved him. Brian held him until he fell asleep. Only then did he let his own pain go.

Let the sky fall, When it crumbles

We will stand tall, And face it all together*

Lindsey went in the next morning to wake them up and the sight that greeted her gave her pause and broke her heart at the same time. She'd only seen Brian vulnerable one time before and it was because of the man he currently held close with his head resting on the blond locks as if that spot in the top of Justin's head was made for Brian's chin. The sight itself was arresting but what really moved her was the evident tear tracks on Brian's beautiful sleeping face. Whatever was shared in that room last night was not only important, it was life-altering for both of them. She would never know if they didn't tell her and she knew she would never ask. All she could do was pray that the decisions which came from it, would enrich their lives in some way and that they each would have the strength to endure it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Showdown in Shangri-La

Justin couldn't help but laugh at the irony that the hotel he was supposed to stay at and the gallery where Lindsey worked had the same name. The reason Justin found it humorous was because the hotel was located in the Entertainment section and near the gallery had availability but wouldn't make accommodations for an artist they had never heard of. The hysterical part was that many of his more expensive paintings, covered the walls of the lobby as well as the hall leading to the hotel's restaurant. So yeah, there must have been some truth the saying that one only becomes a ‘famous artist' posthumously. Yet he was successful enough being in the land of the living. He rented a 15th floor suite at the Ritz with a much better view and wasn't sorry that he did.

Lindsey had decided to accompany him to the gallery the afternoon of the show which was fine because he hadn't gotten to give her the package he'd bought with him. With Melanie at home with JR and Gus out with Brian, it seemed the perfect opportunity to do so.

"Lindz, which bank do you use here?"

"Toronto Trust and Loan, why?"

"We need to go there immediately before heading on to the gallery."

"No problem. It's actually about a street over from there. If you want you can park and walk right over."

Several minutes later, Justin pulled into the parking space labeled ‘Featured Artist' and with Lindsey's help, unloaded a few small last minute items which he and Amy would be a good fit for this particular showing which bought the full showing to an ambitious twenty-four done of the course of a year. Six were mixed media pieces and would be interspersed throughout each of the other still paintings based on the schematic theme of the work. Justin oversaw every facet of his show, from lighting, to the placement to the overall presentation including props when needed.

Lindsey marveled at Justin in this mode and inwardly she beamed with pride. She remembered when he thought that he would never draw again and she took him to see Adrienne, who was an artist friend of hers who had been in the same position as Justin only worse. And yet she still painted and sold her pieces. It gave him something to think about and she was glad that she could help restore him that small way after feeling so helpless in the days and weeks following the bashing. The verdict of the case still reached out to haunt her although she wouldn't say that to anyone. But every time she read about Justin's success or could help further his career in some small way, it gave her hope that someday, someway she could go home without her kids being harmed because of their parents' sexuality. And it reminded her of the indomitable spirit of Queers (male, female, bi or trans) everywhere. Justin had risen above everything thrown at him. It was what she'd hoped for when she encouraged him to relocate to New York. In a sense his success was also hers.

"Now that all of this is underway, why don't you take a walk with me to the bank, Lindz? I could use the company."

"I wouldn't want to intrude."

Justin laughed. "You're not. I asked you to come. Besides, there's a Starbucks. I know you can't resist a cup of coffee. You couldn't have changed that much."

She smiled. "You're still the sweetest man I've ever met."

"Thank you for saying that, Lindz. You're one of the few people that we know who look at me as a man, instead of a kid. You would think I would have outgrown the moniker by now especially since I'm over thirty."

"Don't hold it against them too greatly, Justin. Only you and I know what it was like grow up in the WASP nest. We had to grow up fast but at the same time we did some crazy teenage things, too. It's easier for people to identify with age rather than acknowledge that a teenager may actually be wiser than them as the supposed adult."

They reached the bank and Justin ushered her in not giving her a chance to protest.

"Lindz, forgive me but I'm about to ask you a very high-handed question." At her quizzical look, he asked, "Do you have a separate checking account? One that Mel doesn't know about?"

"No. All of our accounts are joint. Why?"

"I need you to open one right now." He held up his hand to stay her protest. "I'm going to make a deposit into that account but it is strictly for your use. No one else except Brian, Ted and I can know about it. Promise?"

"What's this about, Justin?"

"This is about taking care of those who take care of me. So open the account already and then I'll tell you the amount going into beyond five dollars." He smiled brightly and winningly at her causing her to laugh but she did what he demanded. "Now that that's done. Based on the actual referral policy of my company, I owe you about eight thousand dollars from the inception of the company. With interest that puts this deposit at eleven thousand. Also because you dropped my name and your boss picked it up, I am here in Toronto doing a show. So although I know that you will receive a small commission on every painting sold tonight- the gallery of course will take the lion's share, I am supplementing your commission in advance. According to my agent the original eleven have already sold. So that leaves the remaining twelve which includes the four I just bought in today. One of them, I cannot part with in lieu of last night but I'll still display it."

"Last night?"

"I'll tell you about it over coffee but first let's finish getting you set up. This will also make it easier for me to wire you the commission for referring clients to me instead of having to keep the funds separate. We have to give Ted the information so that if I'm abroad, it will still reach your account."

"You really don't have to do this Justin."

"I know I don't but if it's one thing I learned from Brian it's the full concept of Free Will and that's what I'm exercising right now."

Lindsey shook her head and laughed. "Well never let it be said you didn't learn your lessons well."

"The teacher was hot so I paid attention," Justin chuckled.

*~*~*

"Hey Mel. I am in town and I wanted to know if I can stop by and see JR today."

"I'm not sure, what time she'll be back although I imagine it will be soon, Michael. She's out with Brian right now."

"Oh that's right! It's Gus' thirteenth birthday. I'll bet he's having a great time. He doesn't see him nearly enough."

You're one to talk. Hell I wish Brian would actually see Gus less but that's not going to happen. "I think they may be at the park on the street behind our house. She's become quite the soccer player. Brian and Gus play and teach her little trick shots for her team."

"I'm not sure I like her playing such a rough sport as soccer. What about tennis or even putting her in ballet. She could get seriously hurt."

Melanie pinched the bridge of her nose. They had had similar conversations in the past, always with Michael's warped view of what a girl could do or should do. "She's not glass nor china, Michael. Jenny is perfectly capable of playing the sports you deem too rough. In fact she got MVP and they're going to the Regional Championships. She's fine. If she wasn't I would have told you. Anyway, what are you doing in Toronto? Did you come for Justin's show?"

Silence.

"I didn't know he had a show up here. I thought that was last year."

"It was but it got canceled due to a minor electrical fire adjacent to the gallery where Lindz works. That's where we'll all be later since it's opening night."

"Brian, too, I take it?" Michael said quietly.

"Of course. Justin invited everyone and since Gus particularly wants to go and it's his birthday, we're going."

"I'm sure JR will be bored to tears. Why don't I pick her up from the gallery and take her for ice cream while you all ooh and ah over Wonder Boy's work."

Melanie tried to discern the cause Michael's sudden change in mood but she chocked it up to him being thwarted in reference to JR playing soccer against his wishes. "Sure. Whatever floats your boat. The show starts at seven. I gotta get back to work. See ya later."

"Yeah see ya later."

*~*~*

Henry and Dawn Church arrived at the Shangri-La Gallery and was immediately taken aback. Everything was already done and prepared. Dawn had no choice but to laugh. Henry was used to micromanaging his clients' careers but as always Justin lived, slept, ate and breathed outside of Henry's little box. But he couldn't complain because the space from the emails they'd received was transformed into an art collectors paradise. Mood lighting adorned each collection and the in the center was the stunning piece that Justin had drawn back as recently as this morning. The funny thing is that someone had called about that painting the minute Henry finished trying to persuade Justin to part with it. Justin wouldn't budge in his decision and it frustrated and infuriated Henry to no end. He hated to admit that most of the time Justin was right and was in fact Henry's most lucrative client to date. Justin Taylor was an industry all by himself and he deserved to be. He worked hard and always delivered when he said he would even if that meant he didn't sleep.

"Hey Dawn and Henry," Justin said. "I'd like you to meet Lindsey Petersen."

"Justin has spoken highly of you both," Lindsey said. "It's nice to finally meet the people surrounding him while he's away from the extended family."

"Likewise, I've heard a lot about Justin's family," Dawn responded, smiling wide. "Will everyone else be attending."

"My partner, Melanie and our kids and I believe Brian will be here as well."

"Wow! It's a special night indeed, if I get to meet the man who inspired a lot of Justin's earlier works. Have you seen his painting Journey? I couldn't not but it myself." Dawn and Lindsey moved off to look at the exhibit and further examine Brian in the scope of Justin's inspiration.

"I just had the scariest vision of Dawn prying all my secrets from Lindz. Not comforting," Justin said.

Henry snickered. "You should indeed be afraid if you've kept anything hidden." He moved to stand in front of the painting that he wanted Justin to reconsider selling but he just couldn't resist asking why he pulled it back. "Justin, the caller I got right after I hung up the phone with you when you ordered me to pull this one back offered almost one-hundred grand for it. It is a stunningly haunting piece. Why pull it back now?"

Justin had taken all the bits and pieces of the dream sequence which came together the night before and combined them on a black background. In the center was the silhouetted glimpse of the prom in front of a blood red moon and all the memories crowding the couple in the center. The amazing thing about the painting is that nothing looked jumbled or overcrowded. Each entity created one whole portrait of secrets and love and sharpened memories. It was the type of painting one could look at over and over again, year after year and find something different about it.

Justin looked at the painting again, going through all he remembered and picking out scene after scene on a black backdrop with a blood red moon and the combined geography of New York and Pittsburgh at the very bottom of the canvas. The artwork stood at the eye level of Brian and Henry but mounted it gave the painting a new dimension from every angle. "Henry, I can't sell this painting. All of these are the bits and pieces I remembered before and after the bashing. It was easy to go of it when I wasn't sure what I was thinking. The last night I remembered....every single thing including the week leading up to the prom and the event itself. I can't part with it at all or ever. God forbid I should forget everything again. These memories, portraits of my memories are all I have left."

Henry nodded understanding Justin's point of view. They had played many ‘what if' games over the years in reference to his memory and relation with Brian Kinney. He was happy that the only thing Justin had thought was gone forever was finally whole and in tact.

*~*~*

The show got underway and Henry was once again back in his element micro-managing every facet of the interview questions being asked, when Justin spoke to an art critic and who. Justin had to admit that Henry Church was a fucking genius when he let him have his head. He kept the flux and flow of the conversation on the artwork, not any personal dynamics the critics may have witnessed with certain other guests. Justin was extremely pleased to see various clients of his from JT Designs present as well as some associates of Brett and Connor's although they couldn't be in attendance personally. He was actually pretty grateful for that because Brian would have been in guard dog mode instead of taking Gus around and spending quality time with him.

Lindsey was also in her element giving little tidbits of information of certain pieces...just enough to whet the potential buyer's appetite which would often result in the sale. There were only three more to be sold when Justin heard the commotion at the front of the large gallery. He knew the voices immediately and sighed a groan of deep frustration. This shit I do not need tonight. Unfortunately, he had to handle it personally otherwise his business would be in jeopardy. Leave it to Michael and Melanie to cause a scene and Brian to try to diffuse it only to end up almost yelling himself.

Henry started to approach them but he held up his hand. "I take care of it, Henry. Lindsey is going to need backup with the sales. By the way, remember Michael Novotny and why I wouldn't work with him?"

Henry nodded in the affirmative. "I do and now I think I understand why."

"Good man. I'll try to get them outside and be back as soon as I can. Hold down the fort for me." Justin moved through the crowd, that ever present plastered smile hiding his discomfort and embarrassment as he moved toward the occupants." Standing inconspicuously at first he listened intently to the conversation.

"No Michael. You're over an hour late and she is having a good time. She's being exposed to great art. You should have been here on time as you promised and then maybe she wouldn't have found a group of people whose company she's enjoying. Some of her classmates are here as well which makes for a good experience," Melanie said trying to be calm but failing miserably.

"I don't give a fuck, Melanie. I don't appreciate you keeping my daughter from spending time with me," Michael whined.

"Who's doing that? Again you are over an hour late."

"I don't give a shit if I arrived tomorrow. I expect to be able to pick her up whenever and wherever I want."

"Look can you two please keep it down. It's an important night for Justin."

"Justin. Justin. Justin. Well fuck Justin, Brian. But then you probably already did," Michael said venomously.

"It's the same fucking song and dance with you. The bottom line is you're standing here wrong- both of you I might add- arguing because you're both wrong. Although Melanie does have a point. If JR is happy, then let the kid be fucking happy and see her tomorrow."

"What the fuck do you know about it Brian? You're not exactly father of the fucking year. You're only here because it's your kid's birthday."

Justin couldn't stand there anymore and listen to the shit. "Brian, go grab Gus and Jenny and take them to the back for some refreshments, please? They shouldn't hear or be subjected to adults arguing like their bones instead of children."

"Where's Lindz?" Brian asked.

Justin knew Brian didn't want to leave him alone with Michael. He looked at him steadily, willing him to understand. "Securing a few sales. I'll send her to you when she's done or ask Henry and Dawn to. They're also working the floor for me while I try to salvage the rest of my opening which was so rudely interrupted but riffraff." Justin kept his WASP nest smile in place.

"You little shit," Michael said angrily.

"Careful, Michael. I'm not so little anymore and the only short or little shit in here right now is you. Now that said, I understand that you two have a problem. I get it but please for once consider someone other than yourselves. Michael, Melanie is well within her rights because you were an hour late. If I didn't know better- and I hope that I do- I would say that you did this deliberately to cause a scene at my opening and an internal issue between you and Mel and your arrangement. Although I do understand that petulance is a part of your personality, I would ask that you refrain from such childish behavior in this adult setting. Please also remember that if weren't for me, you would not have even been invited to the Con which is happening just down the street so you in fact owe me a favor. I will only call it in once and this is it. You are tampering with something I have been working my entire career for so far. I don't appreciate it and I'm pissed that I have to actually stand here and speak to you at all rather than attend guests who are here for my business. Please leave."

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"You still don't get it, do you Michael? This isn't about who I think I am. It's about who I know I am. Not I'll ask you once more to leave under your own steam or I will have you bodily removed."

"Can he do that, Melanie?"

"He most certainly can since there is a clause in his contract that gives him that right at EVERY show. Justin is smart enough to have read the contract down to the fine print so yes, Michael he can have you removed and since his art is very valuable there are indiscreet police officers here as patrons. You may come by the house tomorrow to spend time with JR."

"I'll be waiting when you get home tonight." And with that Michael turned and marched out the door.

"I'm sorry, Jus. I tried to remain calm. But then fucking Brian came over trying to diffuse it and..."

Justin held up his hand. "Melanie. I understand your position. Remember Molly was there when my parents broke up and had to endure a similar situation every week until she ran away and scared both of my parents to death to get them back to sense. I don't want that to happen with Jenny who is in actuality a joy to be around. I know Michael only comes here once or twice a year although I'm not sure why that is when... Nevermind, that isn't my business as much as him disparaging Brian and you not doing anything or saying anything to defend Brian who you and I both know love both Gus and Jenny and tries to do right by both of them. Outside of that, I understand the fury Michael can bring out of people- understand that better than most. Do what you have to do for your own sanity, not his. Trust me on that one piece of wisdom I am passing on to you,"

Justin moved back through the milling crowd on his way to the artists lounge area in search of a little chance to regroup. It was of course a pipe dream and would be until Justin could make good his own escape much later in the evening. He kissed Lindz and Mel, and hugged Gus and Jenny and told them that he would come by and get his luggage in the morning. He just needed some time alone. They all understood. The evening without the family drama was already stressful but with it, it was a wonder that Justin hadn't buckled beneath the weight of it all.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

September 20th 2013 Ritz-Carlton- Toronto

Tied to a shallow heart

Why does he want to bring me where he goes

Oh and to find out the reasons why

It's enough to make you wanna try

For one last night*

Brian arrived at the hotel room. Justin didn't want to open the door but honestly he didn't feel like fighting with him, too. He just couldn't wait until the trip was over. It seemed like every time he was to achieve another level professionally, his personal life fucked up before, during and after. Again he wondered if it was all worth it; if this thing- whatever it was- with Brian was worth it. He was just so fucking tired of fighting with Michael and Melanie for Brian and sometimes even against him. Two steps forward, ten steps backward. It was a fucking emotional waltz. He opened the door to see Brian with his luggage in tow.

"Can I come in? Brian asked.

"I wouldn't have opened the door if you couldn't."

Ghost and silhouettes

They take a piece of me, they want it all

Oh but to wait in an empty room

With the feeling that is closing in*

He moved away from the door to the bay window overlooking the brilliantly lit CN Tower. The moon high was risen high over Lake Ontario. It was a spectacular view but Justin couldn't enjoy it just then. "Why are you here, Brian?"

"Because I want to be."

"You should be with Mel, Lindz and Michael. After all he came all this way to see you."

"No he came to the gallery because Melanie told him that you were there. Since it was Gus' birthday, he knew barring a business appointment, I would be here too. That's why Michael came. With me not there though, he should have a good visit with J.R. He doesn't see her nearly enough."

"Does anyone know where you've disappeared to?" The last thing he wanted was for any of them to show up here. He just wanted peace and quiet; a chance to think and regroup before he had to smile and greet patrons for the last time tomorrow night. Then he would leave Toronto behind on Sunday afternoon. No need to speak or say anything else to anyone else. He would see Lindz at the show and he'd already said good-bye to Gus. That was all that mattered...his Gus-Gus. And Brian, God help him.

"Why would I tell anyone, Justin? You need your space- I get that- but I want to be here with you. It's that simple."

Justin shook his head. Nothing about any of this was simple and he told him so. "You do realize what's going to happen now, right?"

Justin heard Brian's approach seconds before he felt his arms enfold him. "How about we just take this step-by-step and forget the rest for now."

"Brian, we're never going to have privacy again. Every move and word will be dissected. Michael especially is going to set out to drive me away."

"That will only happen if you let it."

"I know that but it doesn't make me any less sick of it. You know what...I can't do this now. I need to sleep." Justin could feel the migraine coming at warp speed.

Brian reluctantly released him. "You didn't eat much before or after the show. Are you hungry?"

"No, I'm more tired than anything."

"Maybe later then." He said as he began to get undressed.

"Brian-"

"Justin. I just want you near me okay? That's all."

Justin nodded resigned to the fact that Brian was not going anywhere and wouldn't be content anywhere else for the moment.

I had a dream I was dying

But I found nobody there

And of one last night is all that we've been given

Let's live it like we care*

They climbed into bed, both silent and lost in their own thoughts. When Brian stretched his arm out, Justin went willingly allowing Brian to hold him. He admitted to himself that hearing Brian's slow and steady heartbeat, the familiar sound of his breathing was comforting even if it was just for a little while. Justin laid awake for a time just absorbing the peace of being with Brian when it was just the two of them. He dropped a single kiss to his lover's sternum, wishing that they could always have this. There was no question that he loved Brian- his heart and all his parts- but was it enough? Could he endure all that Michael's presence and Melanie's machinations- however intentional or unintentional- meant? Was there really a way to go forward?

"I hear you thinking, Sunshine. Are you ready to talk now?"

Justin smiled slightly against Brian's skin. That was always a running joke between them, that they could hear each others' thoughts and Justin supposed it was true even when the situation was in the pitch black dark with the exception of the light from the CN Tower which was also visible from the bedroom.

"What do you want me to say, Brian?"

"Uh-huh. I won't allow you to tell me what you think I want to hear. That was never our way and it won't start being that way between us now. You've never been this closed off to me, Justin so what is it?"

Broken upon the rocks

Let the beating waves

Come drag me down

Oh but to find the reasons why

It's enough to make you wanna try

For one last night*

"Guess I'm just resigning myself to the inevitable now as opposed to waiting for tomorrow night."

"Don't think about it."

"How could I not Brian? Everything that we have been working to preserve is systematically being picked over already especially with you here and not there. You have ti begin to wonder what's next." Justin's cell phone rang out. Before he thought about what he was doing he looked at the Caller ID. Michael. He showed it to Brian. ‘See? Not even three hours later it fucking starts."

Text message: Look you fucking twink, I know Brian is there with you and he isn't answering his cell phone. Tell him to ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE!

"Ignore it, Justin. That's why you and I pay the bills. If we don't feel like answering the phone or responding, we don't have to."

Text message: Lindsey: Justin, just wanted to make sure you were okay and that you've eaten. You didn't eat much today. Please take care of yourself and call me if you need anything. See you tomorrow and thanks again...for everything.

Text message: Mom: Hi Honey, I wanted to see how your show went. Call me when you can.

Text message: Michael: Justin, I'm going to keep calling your cell phone until you pick up and let me speak to Brian.

Text message: I know you're probably sleeping right now. Just wanted to tell you that the show is a success. There is only two pieces that haven't been sold as of yet and I'm sure that tomorrow will be a kick-ass day. Also great job on handling that ‘situation' discreetly. I barely heard a word you said but I'm sure Michael Novotny was not happy... THE NERVE...any way get some sleep so we can do it all over again tomorrow. Dawn sends her love. Again, great job!

Justin finally decided to turn off his phone for the night and try to calm his mind. Brian also laid awake thinking about all Justin said would happen. What else could they do if they were going to ride it out- if they were willing to fight everything and everyone to have what they wanted.

I had a dream I was dying

But I found nobody there

And if one last night is all that we've been given

Let's live it like we care*

The following evening was much of the same at the art gallery. Sadly, it was also much of the same regarding Brian and Justin's cell phones with messages from Ted, Emmett and finally Debbie was added into the mix berating both of them for ignoring Michael's calls. As always, Michael's culpability was conveniently overlooked. And so it goes.....

They made love silently, each bringing comfort to the other in the only way which mattered at the moment. Nothing else could be said that hadn't already been spoken. For the moment, the physical connection to the other man would have to sustain them until they would meet again. In the meantime the had their Skype, phone and text schedules memorized. It was the one routine in their lives that made any sense.

For one last night

For one last night*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Not Forever- Just not Now- Airport

Justin's POV

What's ironic about this moment is that Brian and I always made it a point to not watch each other leave, yet here we are in the Liberty Air Terminal- him bound for Pittsburgh and I'm bound for New York. After last night there isn't much more to say or that was left unsaid. The people we wanted to keep out of our relationship officially know that we are still involved in some way although they don't know the extent. Lindz suspects I guess. For Melanie and Michael, it was enough that I left the gallery without Brian although he found me anyway. I suspect he would always find me. Not because I'm predictable or anything but mostly because we are part of each other whether in a relationship or not.

"You okay, Sunshine?" he asks.

"Peachy keen, Jellybean," I answered pasting a smile on my face for his benefit when I really didn't have to. He knew what I was feeling.

"Now I definitely know that you are not fine. Anytime you start quoting lines from movies like ‘Grease' to me it's proof that you've lost your mind."

"And what does it say when you know where the line came from?"

"That I need to wash my brain with bleach."

We both burst out laughing at the imagery and knowing that if it was possible Brian really would. We settled back into companionable silence, finding the smallest comfort in the familiarity of being in each others' face and space all the while letting our actions say what we wouldn't. His large hand engulfing mine, committing the tactile stimulation to memory. The impulse I couldn't suppress to lift that same large hand, entwine our fingers and place a kiss on his knuckles and smear it into his skin with my cheek. I had done that so many times before but the need to remind him of it was urgent. The returned gesture delivered with lowered eyes so that I wouldn't see the look in them but I knew what was there anyway. It mirrored my own. Fuck I hate this, it said. How much longer? Stay with me. Yeah, our actions spoke everything there wasn't a need to voice.

The attendant over the PA system called for his flight. I wanted to hold him and not let go. To fight with him or guilt him into taking a later flight or kidnap him and whisk us away somewhere where none of this would have mattered. But I did none of those things. Instead I stood with him as he handed the ticket agent the required documents to board the plane that would carry him away from me.

I looked my fill; he did the same before he said, "You take care of yourself, Sunshine. Keep in touch when you can."

"You too, Brian."

No one- not even ourselves- could have anticipated the deluge of emotion unleashed in those last few stolen moments. I burrowed my head against his shoulder committing his scent to memory before placing a soft kiss where his neck met his jaw and neck connected; he did the same while holding me as close as our clothes would let us. I couldn't stop the twin tears that slipped from the corner of my closed eyes while his fingers compulsively gripped my neck and scalp as he ate at my mouth and vice versa. Dazedly I watched him hurry down the corridor while swiping one large palm down his face. That did me in. Making my way over to the large bay window, I watched as his plane prepared itself for take-off. Held myself together piece-by-piece, second-by-second in case he could see me in the window from his seat. I didn't want what would be our last time seeing each other in person for awhile marred by the sight of me literally melting down. This was the reason we never accompanied each other to the airport; why either he or I woke at the crack of dawn to reluctantly leave a hotel room before the other woke up and had to watch this- had to pretend that every thing was fine.

As his plane left the ground and I stood and watched until my eyes couldn't see it anymore, one of the attendants who had been moved by the exchange bought me a drink and some tissues. She ushered me to a private room so that I could have my moment without a room full of private and speculating eyes.

"Do you need anything else, Mr. Taylor?"

"No thank you, Shelia."

"Mr. Kinney asked me to give you this after.... Well just after." She handed me the envelope and it bought a bittersweet smile to my face. It was the one thing we'd always done before we left each other. I thanked her again and waited until she left the room to tear it open.

Sunshine,

Stop it! We both know it's not forever, just for now. And although I am probably on the plane having my own mental tantrum and working like hell to close off whatever the hell is running through me right now, I can't do that knowing that you are hurting. Please, Justin don't-

Anyway for what it's worth, I'm proud of you. I respect what you've done for yourself even if others don't. You have to do what's right for you, no matter what it is. You've done exactly that this entire time. And stop taking what Michael and Melanie have had to say to heart. In the grand scheme of your life, your triumphs and failures, their opinions DO NOT MATTER! Hell my opinion doesn't matter. What does is the fruit of your labor. So live YOUR life how ever you want to. Don't fuck it up! Emmett has it right when he says: Fuck'em ALL!

Text when you get back.... Call you at 11

B

By the time I'd read the letter twice more and placed a kiss to it before placing it in my messenger bag, Shelia had come in to tell me my flight was boarding.

"You look much better, Mr. Taylor."

"Justin. Please call me Justin, Shelia. And I am better. Strangely, Brian has that effect on me."

She nodded. "All I know is that when and if the time comes when I meet someone special, I hope to God that I find what you two have."

I shook my head. "Don't wish for that, Shelia. Wish for better because that's what I'll wish for you. Brian and I have been through so much to get to what you see now. Even now we're going through a helluva lot, including a long-distance relationship. I wouldn't wish our brand of bullshit on anyone but I wouldn't trade a moment of it just to be able to love Brian Kinney. That said I wish you a deep and abiding love without the million and five hoops and hurdles we have to jump. And thank you again for this room. Sometimes it's hard to remember the "Dog and Pony Show" that mine and Brian's life has become. We're not completely anonymous anymore."

"That's the price of the brand of success. You both have worked hard for it. I was here when Mr. Kinney first began working the Liberty Air campaigns. Because of his efforts throughout the years, I think I can speak for everyone here when I say that he is a miracle worker. The airline was on the verge of filing for bankruptcy and management had called the staff in to tell us of the possibility of being laid off. The innovative campaign he put together literally saved all of our asses from top to bottom."

After my flight got underway, I thought about all Shelia had said about Brian and about his letter. To Brian, it was just a job but he really did save all their asses. And he did it for company after company after company. Sure he got paid for it but I remember watching him toil over campaigns when I lived with him. He put his heart and soul into campaigns like Liberty Air because of the people, not the service. There was a part of Brian's life he wouldn't talk about- a time separate from the time he spent with Debbie and Michael; a time that, at base, had changed his ideals and shaped the man I had grown to love deeply. I suspect that he went back to that time in his mind every time he created a kick-ass campaign for the companies who were in trouble. I suppose he taps into that time every time he sends clients with the potential to be great my way thereby helping me to build my business as well as helping them. Flawed with hero tendencies. I laughed at the thought but it was completely true about Brian Kinney. I wish people like Melanie, Michael and Lindsey could see that about him. Ted and Emmett know that side of Brian both individually and collectively. Sure he could be an asshole, ruthless and downright evil but at base he has a good heart and those whom he loves benefit from it whether they ask for it or not; no matter how they treat him- he still loves them and he shows them even if it means letting them live in their own delusions so they can be happy. He would rather he hurt than they- us. Michael attacking Brian's fatherhood when he isn't any type of father himself...I really felt like punching him in the damn mouth. As far as Melanie- she wouldn't have been able to get the other mortgage if not for him yet she treats him like gum stuck under the bottom of her shoe. Why couldn't she defend him just fucking once when he deserved to be? But he lets her attack him because it makes her feel secure. One thing is clear...I will never allow anyone to hurt him again and that includes me.

*Skyfall (sung by Adele) EPWORTH/ PAUL RICHARD/ ADKINS, ADELE
One Last Night (sung by Vaults) FREEMAN, BARNABAS / VELLA, BENJAMIN / PEPINO, BLYTHE**