JUSTIN

Brian rented a car to drive through the countryside of Maine. He generously accepted Grampy’s jet, because otherwise we’d be on the road the whole time. I enjoyed just looking without having to constantly talk, it’s something he gives me, silence in a world full of noise. He picked a place that was really out of the way and took our phones and anything else that made us reachable and locked them in the trunk. We parked on the side of the road and I learned something new about Brian, he likes photography. He took shots of the B&B below us.

“I chose it because it’s far from everything.” Brian tells me, breaking the silence for the first time.

“Sometimes you just have to get away.” I tell him.

“That a professional opinion?” He asks.

“No, it’s why I left five years ago.” I tell him, because he needs to know.

“I thought it was to bring your skill to third world countries.” He tells me, but continues to take pictures.

“It was something I could do for others, but not really my reason at the time.” I tell him.

“It’s up to you what you tell me, I won’t push you, the way you haven’t pushed me.” He tells me, getting back in the car.

We drove with me wanting to figure out a way to explain something that was my own fault. When we pulled in Brian asked the guy to take our bags to the room and then turned us to walk towards the woods. He would randomly pull up his camera and snap this and that.

“I saw this place on a website and thought it’s the furthest from what people would expect from me.” Brian tells me.

“I left because I let myself believe that I had to live up to everyone’s expectations. To the point that I was collapsing from the pressure of being what I thought everyone wanted. Africa just seemed like a place where I could just be a doctor for a while.” I tell him.

“Did you find what you needed?” He asked, taking a picture of me.

“I found peace in that these people were about taking care of just average things. There weren’t dinner parties, or feeling like I stopped doing something I loved for what would make everyone happy.” I tell him.

“You seem to like being a doctor.” He comments.

“I love what I do, but there is a part of me that never feels like it’s enough.” I tell him.

“Justin, you have to take time and be selfish, it doesn’t change the things you do for others. Just makes them more manageable. ” He tells me.

“Grampy is alway trying to tell me that I’m not selfish enough, but I had so many things that people never get. I feel like I don’t get to be selfish.” I tell him.

“Maybe for a weekend you could only think about what you want, let it be an escape from bleeding for everyone.” He tells me.

“I want you and me, a bed, and to just lay still and forget the world.” I tell him.

“You had me until you said lay still.” He tells me pulling me to him.

“You put my mind at rest.” I tell him.

BRIAN

When we got to the room, I wanted Justin to have what he needed. It was so different from the person he’s been since I met him again. In a way he’s giving all of him, the way I’ve been doing for him. Closing the curtains and dimming the lights, I undressed him and let him do that for me. I guided us to the bed and did as he said, just laid still and forgot the world. I wanted to study everything about him, from the deep oceans of blue to the soft white skin. He pulled my head to him and opened my mouth with his and we kissed, not really trying to turn it into anything but a leisurely exploration of each other. He used those soft hands to map my body, and the sensation was loving and not carnal, but still had the same effect. It wasn’t long before we needed more and when he reached for a condom to hand me I handed it back.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

“You're my safety on the shore.” I tell him.

Covering himself, he used those fingers that heal to make it easier for what I'm about to do.

“Have you?” He asks.

“No, it takes trust.” I tell him.

Leaning over me he joined our lips as we joined. There was no hurry, it wasn’t about sex, but being close to each other. So our movements were just to feel each other. For the first time it I really knew the difference between making love and sex. As he started to move faster, I stroked in time to end this with him.

MICHAEL

Ben called and asked me to meet him at a coffee shop on the other side of town. It's the first time he seems to want us to talk, since the whole Hunter thing. I got there and waited while I thought about the absurd idea that Brian could be suicidal.

“Sorry I'm late.” Ben tells me.

“It's fine, everyone else doesn't give a shit lately either.” I tell him.

“Michael, it's hard when you're hurting people that are your friends.” He tells me.

“Look, Emmett’s the one who slept with someone else's fiance. That's on him.” I tell him.

“I agree, but you running out to tell the press something that was his business, just doesn’t make you any better.” He tells me.

“What does it matter, I just don’t approve of cheaters.” I tell him.

“Which isn’t why I wanted to talk to you.” He tells me.

“Then why are we here?” I ask.

“I love you, but I think we need help.” He tells me.

“We just need to stop letting everyone else's problems come between us.” I tell him.

“Michael, Hunter is not someone else's problem.” He tells me.

“Look, if he wants to go to the other school, it's fine.” I tell him.

“It's not just school, but that we need to pay attention to the things he won’t say.” He tells me.

“I know I sometimes act like he isn’t important, but it’s like you and he have this bond that I don’t have. So I feel left out.” I tell him.

“Michael, I’m not doing any better with Hunter than you were, it took someone who didn’t know us to point out the problem was there.” He tells me, holding my hand.

“Can you give me time to deal with my… jealousy?” I ask him.

“I’m not taking the easy way out but you also need to face what your jealousy caused you to do. I want you to come home and I want us to really work on us. Which to me means you not chasing after Brian.” He tells me.

“I think Brian needs less of a friend who would let him kill himself.” I finally admit.

“You need to make things right with everyone, just don’t expect them to offer forgiveness easily.” He tells me.

“I don’t know if any of us can really stay friends with the things I’ve done.” I tell him.

“It’s a start.” He tells me and he’s right.

JUSTIN

Brian actually fishes, not my thing at all, but I get it. You sit here getting eaten by giant mosquitos and wait for your victim to chase the bait. How he can sit there when the bugs are buzzing in his ear is just too much for me, so I covered us in spray.

“I need to figure out what to do about Drew and Emmett.” He tells me.

“What’s going on in that corner?” I ask.

“Drew’s fiancee might have been cheating too, but I’m really not sure of throwing that out there.” He tells me.

“Two wrongs don’t make a right. I get that.” I tell him.

“I just think it’s going to cause too many ‘he said she said’ moments. I could really make her look like she was worse, but what Drew did was just as bad.” He tells me.

“It really bothers you what they did, I’m not disagreeing, just asking.” I tell him.

“If you agree to have an open relationship that’s one thing, but when it’s understood that there’s exclusivity, there shouldn’t be any questions.” He tells me.

“I agree, but no one is perfect. Maybe she was turning to another man because Drew wasn’t giving her what she needed.” I tell him.

“If I make a promise, I keep it.” He tells me.

“Then I’ll promise you that it won’t be a problem for us.” I tell him.

When a fish actually got on the line, I picked up Brian’s camera to snap the catch, to bad it was like the size of my finger. Brian just held it up like it was massive and well I was more interested in looking at the fisherman than the fish.

MEL

I brought Gus and Jenny to meet Lindsay at the baby gym. She hugged Gus as if it had been forever. Then held Jenny as I ran around with Gus. When Gus ran off with Callie, I sat down next to Lindsay and held Andy for Daphne.

“I really screwed up everything didn’t I?” Lindsay asks me.

“You're admitting it, new for you.” I tell her.

“I had a visit from Helen.” She tells me.

“What did she want?” I ask.

“She actually came to check on me and see if I was taking care of myself and the babies.” She tells me and I wish I could  hear that and not get angry.

“And?”

“She just let me talk, it was nice. I think I realized that instead of telling you things, I did what my mother did and ignored problems.” She tells me.

“It’s how you handle things, act like it’s not there.” I tell her.

“You always seemed to have more important things than me to worry about.” She tells me.

“Lindsay do you ever think we stayed together because it was easier than admitting that we aren’t compatible?” I ask her.

“Yes, because you took care of things, the way my father did. I want us to at least be friends, I want to be able to be the mother I promised myself I would be to Jenny and Gus.” She tells me.

“I’m not stopping that.” I tell her.

“It’s just when you left Justin’s house the other night, I wanted to hurt you. I even tried to get Brian to say you shouldn’t have Gus, which he wouldn’t. It was scary to realize I was alone for the first time in my life.” She tells me.

“Take the time to figure out who you are, if you need help then call and I’ll be there as your friend.” I tell her.

JUSTIN

Sitting on the balcony of our room just stargazing, Brian seemed to be ready to talk about Michael.

“If Michael believes something then it’s the only way something can be.” He tells me.

“I’ve noticed.” I tell him.

“When he was with David, he acted as if dating David made everyone beneath him, including Deb. It really brought home how petty he could be. I don’t agree with what Emmett did with Drew, but I wouldn’t have gone on the news to act like Emmett should be crucified.” He tells me.

“Like Grampy says, he wanted attention.” I tell him.

“I just want you to be careful with Michael and Lindsay.” He tells me.

“Why?”

“Neither of them do anything if it doesn’t help them.” He tells me.

“What did being friends with you do for them?” I ask.

“Made it so I was always the reason their lives were a mess.” He tells me.

“Hopefully with you not being there they have to figure it out on their own.” I tell him.

“I have a husband that I want to be there for, so they are on their own.” He tells me.

I pull him up and take him back inside to take care of him.