BRIAN 

Gus woke me up, I never got off the couch last night. He wanted to go to the diner, but I wasn't going to have Michael make Gus feel bad about being sick. The only problem, the lack of breakfast food in the house. With Gus going home, I stopped buying his food, because I figured he and I could do that on his next visit. Grabbing my key, I decided we could go somewhere other than the diner this morning. When I opened the door, Deb was standing there with a basket full of breakfast.

“I was going to come and see if you wanted me to get stuff for Gus, you know with the bubonic plague he's got.” She tells me, rolling her eyes as she comes in.

“It was definitely not his finest moment.” I follow her in as she pulls out food. “You didn’t have to bring this.” I tell her, kissing her cheek.

“I'd love to say I did, but it was sitting outside your door.” She tells me while getting Gus a plate with pancakes and bacon.

I walked to my room and called my Doctor. 

“Hey, I left some food for you, I keep cooking like I have twenty kids. So if you haven't opened your door, it's outside.” Justin tells me. 

“A friend came by to check on my son, and found it.” I tell him. 

“You have a son?” He asks, sounding confused.

“Did I not mention that?” I ask him, thinking if it came up.

“I don’t think so, but I kind of left enough for a couple of people, so hopefully he likes pancakes.” He tells me. 

“You could have stayed, it would have been nice to meet my Doctor.” Hopefully he would have thought it was nice to meet his husband and stepson.

“I didn’t want to intrude, like I did last night. I was also on my way out to look at a building. I wanted to get my new practice up and running. Which is probably more than you wanted to know. I really need to get out, because you probably would rather I don't talk your ear off.” He tells me. 

“We could get together with a couple of my friends, then you'll have new adults to talk to.” I tell him. 

“Sounds like fun, call me and we can meet somewhere.” He tells me, hanging up. 

“Interesting smirk.” Deb tells me, smiling and coming in to make the bed.

“Deb, you don’t have to play housekeeper.” I tell her as my front door opens, it's really time to change my locks. 

“Go, and I'm not your housekeeper, just doing what all moms do for their messy sons.” She tells me.

Walking out to see who barged in, I almost turned around and asked Mommy to deal with Lindsay. She sat her ass down and started making a plate for herself.

“We need to talk about yesterday.” She tells me.

“I already told you no, so I don't see that there is anything to talk about.” I tell her. 

“Why, it's not like you have to do anything?” She asks me. 

“Where did I hear that before, oh, could it be when you got me to donate for real?” I ask her. 

“Lambskin, why not go watch TV while Daddy and I talk.” She hasn’t figured out that I’m not moving on this subject, but then she can’t see that. “Brian, I also wanted you to know that the joke you made, it wasn’t funny.” She tells me when Gus sat on the couch.

“Sorry about the artistic sperm crack, but if you're going to blame someone for your indiscretion it should at least be the guy who knocked you up.” I tell her, knowing it’s not what she was talking about.

“You know exactly what I was talking about, the supposed husband.” She tells me.

“He’s real, but then it's not really your business.” I tell her.

“How can you say that? We share a child.” She tells me.

“Because unlike you and Michael, I don’t feel the need to ask anyone their opinions on my personal life. I got married and wow, imagine that, I didn’t tell you or Mikey. Could it be because I didn’t need you two offering unwanted opinions on everything.” I tell her, and well I just didn’t need to hear my drunk ass got me in this mess. Although what a delightful mess he was that night.

“Oh and how long have you been married, because I still don’t believe you.” She tells me sarcastically.

“Five years.” I tell her.

“You’ve managed to hide the pretend husband for five years, that’s amazing, even for you.” She was getting angry.

“Nothing to hide, he was committed to work in another country and just got back.” Which is the truth.

“Well how about producing him?” She asks, looking under the table then in the refrigerator.

“What are you looking for?” I ask.

“I was just making sure I didn’t miss him.” She tells me slamming the refrigerator closed. “Now can you stop this and help me with my little problem?” She sits down and I wanted to yank the plate away for her.

“There’s nothing I can do for you, you got knocked up on your own and you can handle it on your own. I’m not going to pull your ass out on this. Maybe call Sam and have him lie for you, because right now I have things I need to deal with.” I tell her.

“Brian, why do you even care that I tell Mel you’re the father. Like I said, you can just ignore this baby and it will stop Mel from finding out about Sam and I. Think about Gus, because this could tear my marriage apart.” She tells me, and shit Deb doesn’t look to happy right now.

Walking up to the table Deb sits across from Lindsay. “Brian, congratulations.” She tells me. “You little girl are going to listen to me and listen well. You made the mistake and you need to learn to live with the consequences of what you do. Brian isn’t going to be running to the rescue because I’m giving you a week to tell Mel, if you don’t, then I will. She doesn’t need to start playing ‘blame Brian’ again, when she and Brian have finally been able to get along. Go home and clean up your mess.” Deb tells her.

“You don’t understand, Mel won’t forgive me and I’m too far along to do anything about it.” She tells us.

“You should have thought of that when you did what you did, but Brian isn’t going to deal with this.” Deb tells her.

“Well I hope your ready to find Gus and I a place to live.” Lindsay warns me, walking out and barely waving at Gus.

“Now Mr Kinney, is there something you forgot to tell me?” She asks and I already know she’s trying to figure out how I’m married yet she never met the husband.

“Vegas, booze and a wedding chapel.” I tell her.

“Where is my son in law?” She asks. God help Justin, because Deb has dreamed of me settling down for a long time.

“Normally I could say Africa, but apparently he’s back.” I tell her, trying to look interested in the pancake, but get up and grab the soup.

“Can you at least pay attention and tell me what I’m trying to get out of you.” She gets up and pulls out the container and starts pouring it in a bowl for me. She’s alway got to serve us. “Who cooked this?” She asks and dips a spoon in, I was just about to explain that, unlike her son, I know how to use a spoon, but she tasted it and nodded her head, it passed her taste test.

“Did I mention that I married a Doctor, Ma?” I ask her, grabbing my bowl.

Deb looks over at the door as it opens yet again, but it was Ted, who looked like he might have pulled out his hair last night. “You’re eating, so you found something the cancer didn’t ruin for you.” I AM GOING TO KILL HIM.

“WHAT?” Deb screams, making Gus jump and run to me.

“You scared me Grandma.” Gus tells her.

“I’m sorry sweetheart”, “Shit I didn’t see her” Deb and Ted say at the same time.

“Brian, what’s he talking about?” Deb puts her hands around my face, making me look at her.

“I’m fine, they got it all and I’ve just been having a hard time finding things that I could eat.” I tell her, because I never should have hidden it from the only real mother I have.

“Is this something you could eat, because get me the recipe and I’ll make enough that you can have it all the time.” Deb tells me kissing my head.

Ted walks over to the container and dips in a spoon. “Where did you find it, I’ll make sure you have it.” Ted tells me.

“I can eat other things.” I tell mother hen one and two.

“Hey about the other thing, any progress because Kelly wants to meet him tomorrow.” Ted tells me but doesn’t look at me. Did I mention he’s a dead man?

“Ted, did you know Brian got married?” And this is how it gets in the grapevine.

Ted, not the idiot he’s acting like, looks to see what I want him to say. I shrug because she already knows.

“Yeah, now if we could just find the husband, we’d be set.” Ted tells her.

“Found him.” I tell Ted, cause you know, he’s not wound up enough.

“Did he say anything about helping us with Kelly?” He asks.

“He might have if I’d asked him, but right now he doesn’t have a clue that I’m the husband who scores a fifteen.” Yes, I am vain enough to love that statement.

“How do you know he thinks that?” Ted tells me.

“He told me when I called to thank him for the soup.” I tell him and Ted has the look of ‘Hurry up and explain’.

“Brian, it is not the time for us to drag every detail out.” Deb tells me.

“He lives upstairs.” I tell them, and they both look up. What were they expecting, the ceiling to open up and Justin to fall into my lap?

“Well go get him.” Deb waves at the door.

“He’s out, but hey, he fixed breakfast this morning like a good little hubby.” I joke.

Deb walks to the door to go upstairs because I wouldn’t move and there stood Justin arguing with Mikey. 

“Look, just because you got his kid to see a real doctor doesn’t mean bother him with unwanted attention.” Michael tells him.

“Well, I was just going to my apartment on the fourth floor when you dragged me to the third floor to tell me to stay away from your BEST FRIEND, if you’d left me alone then you would have gotten your wish, and while we are on this, if you wanted to keep your husband and child safe, visiting your best friend when said child is there wouldn’t be the smartest way to go about it. You do understand that you can carry it home and it would be on you, not a child who didn’t know he was sick.” Justin kept walking as he talked, backing Michael into a corner.

“You know so much because what, your daddy’s a doctor?” Michael sneers.

“Michael, knock it off, what are you doing here?” Deb asks not doing anything to stop Justin.

“I was going to see if Brian wanted to go to breakfast.” He answers, and the look on Justin’s face was just priceless when he looked in my direction.

“Hey honey, You're home.” I tell him and I have to admit the silence coming from Michael wasn’t much of a shock. “Michael, did I mention my husband’s a brilliant doctor?” What’s with all the passing out lately? Justin could have caught him, but I think he was just too busy staring at me.