Brian and I became best friends when we were fourteen years old. There was just something about him, you know? The way he moved, the way he smiled and talked; the way he stood up for himself. He didn’t have to try to be ‘cool,’ he just was COOL in real life. Nothing could touch him or faze him. If I had to describe him in three words they would be: Strong, Brave and HOT! Everybody wanted him, from the cheerleaders to the closet jocks to the geeks and even…. well I think that’s as good a place as any to start.
Remember how I said Brian was brave. The best example outside of beating people up and defending me was regarding Mr . . . - we’ll call him Johnson to protect his identity - is that okay? Anyways, the example I was thinking of was Brian’s encounter with Mr. Johnson the gym teacher and soccer coach. Brian had forgotten his book so, like the smart student he was, he went back into the locker room after practice to get it. From what Brian told me - and eventually the guys and Boy Wonder - yeah I’ll get to talking about him in a minute too…but back to Mr. Johnson… So anyway, Brian said that when he went back, Mr. Johnson was in the showers soaping himself. I’ll admit, Mr. J was pure fire to look at with that rockstar hair and tattoos, I nearly creamed my shorts every gym class. Anyway, Brian decided he wanted a little experience and so he walked into the showers with his clothes on, got down on his knees and SUCKED HIM OFF! I swear, when he told me about it I nearly fainted, and of course I did actually cream my jeans even though only you know that. You're not going to tell anyone that are you? Please don’t. That has to be our little secret, okay? Anyway, that was the start in my and everyone else’s eyes of Brian Kinney sex god. Again, cool personified.
Brian’s sex life has read like a Who’s Who of Liberty Avenue basically since he got a fake ID when we were sixteen. At first I didn’t know what was going on because...well my mom worked at the Diner and everybody knew that so I couldn’t get away with the stuff Brian did. It’s not like Jack or Joan cared but...well that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, he worked hard and played harder. His hard work after school and practice got him a car and a scholarship to college, while his hard-work after hours got him a reputation as this Ultimate Top. I won’t deny that deep down I wanted to take a number in the line of men who would practically throw themselves at him… But he would…he would never do THAT with me. I guess that’s why Ma was constantly telling me that she wished I would meet someone who could love me...because Brian never would.
‘You don’t fuck your friends, Mikey,’ is what he would always say. Which I always found kinda strange because how are you supposed to get to know someone and get married and have everything like a family if you don’t fuck your friend? What you’re just supposed to fuck and marry a stranger? Well if that’s the case then Brian should have been settled down thousands of times over but that would go against all of his rules. No repeats. No apologies, no excuses, no regrets. Never go after anyone. No boyfriends. Never trust anyone. Never judge anyone or their choices. Never. Never. Never. And yet… there’s only one person, who he’s broken all those rules for.
Justin.
Yep the trick that wouldn't GO HOME! His fucking lovesick teen stalker. And somehow I think Justin’s broken Brian. I kept trying to warn Brian about that fucking twink and how the Boy Wonder was trying to change him. I still can’t figure out what’s so special about that kid’s ass that made Brian keep going back. Oh and he calls him ‘Sonny-boy’ like he does Gus. I mean come on already. It’s almost like he equates his love for Gus with whatever-the-fuck he feels for the blond boy. It’s sickening and it’s confusing and it’s so NOT Brian. Loving Gus is one thing but Justin? HA! Like that’s ever going to happen. It’s just not… like NEVER especially if I have anything to say about it. Which I DO. Brian Kinney doesn’t do love! And he doesn’t DO commitment either. He’s not supposed to; it just wouldn’t fit into his untouchable god-like image. The only exceptions are me, Ma, Uncle Vic, and Lindsey and Gus - although they’re kinda questionable too now that I think about it. Brian didn’t even WANT a kid until Lindsey stroked his ego and flattered him into submission so she could get her way. But that’s another story, to be examined at another time.
Look! You can think whatever you want or call me selfish, I don’t give a shit but we’ve all earned our places in Brian's life, ME most of all in spite of what Lindsey may think from time-to-time. Yeah, there’s a hierarchy and since I’ve known him the longest he’s first and I’m second; there’s only room at the top for us two. Not even Mom and Uncle Vic can replace me. But back to Brian… other than us few exceptions, Brian gets rimmed and he fucks hard but no one can have him. I left out sucking because people suck him, not the other way around. Justin is just the guy he fucked more than once...nothing more. The fucking twink is Kinney Kryptonite and has been since night one. That’s what I think and since I know Brian better than anyone else on the planet, my opinion should count the most. You think so too, don’t you? Of course you do. I don’t even know why bothered to ask.
Anyway, I tried to look out for him like Galaxy Lad did for Captain Astro; tried to keep Brian focused on BRIAN like he always has been. But maybe…but…. I don't know. This kid seems to have changed the man I’ve known for over half my life into some mythical creature I no longer recognize as Brian Kinney and in ways I really don’t understand. I just know that he’s not the man I used to know as my ‘best friend’ anymore. He’s not the hero of my fantasies or reality anymore. I mean he’s still strong and brave and of course he’s still hot but he’s not like before. He doesn’t depend on me the way he used to. I can’t see him going out and taking on the world like I used to think he would. Since Justin came along Brian’s more like just a regular guy now. He’s not so out there. He’s not... He’s… He’s…
Oh my God, have I really done that to him? Did I really turn him into a fantasy hero like one of my comic book characters based on principles from when we were kids and really didn’t know any better? It seemed like Brian was always afraid of growing up but when he finally started to, I guess I felt like he was trying to leave me behind somehow. Like everything I knew was changing. Like Brian was outgrowing ME and that wasn’t supposed to happen. We were supposed to always be together, retire in Palm Springs and sip mimosas in mumus. Friends to the end…
When the fuck did that change? Who decided to change that? I DIDN’T! It’s like he refuses to stay the same but I don’t want things to change. I don’t like it. Justin broke Brian and he needs to be fixed ASAP so that we can get back to our lives. Back to the way we all used to be. I knew that kid would be trouble for Brian; I just knew it but would anybody listen... NO! ‘Michael, you have to start living your own life,’ they said. And, ‘Michael, Brian is a grown man who can make his own decisions,’ they argued. Well look at where that has gotten us... Gotten ME!
WHERE THE HELL IS MY BEST FRIEND?
Brian has allowed that playground pup to warp his mind and force him to do things he would NEVER do. The sooner Brian realizes this, the sooner I can step back into my rightful place as the love of his life.
Okay...so what if Brian can't admit to it right now, everyone knows that WE should be together. That I am the only person that can love him the way he should be. If only he would cut down on the tricking enough to pay attention to what we have. I'm tired of him breaking my heart over and over again, and now he wants to give what's rightfully mine to that...that...crumbsnatcher?
No, I simply cannot allow Justin to ruin our relationship. Damn...I forgot Brian doesn't do relationships. Why do I all of a sudden feel the need to apologize?